The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie!

Princess Clara:
How did she died ?

Foxxy Love:
The same way we're all gonna die!

Princess Clara:
I.S.R.A.E.L.

Foxxy Love:
I.S.R.A.E.L ?

[the housemates are driving their van in the desert. The Roadrunner appeared in front of the van]

Wooldoor Sockbat:
Look out!

Road Runner:
Meep, meep!

[the van hits and kills the Roadrunner and crashes in the distance. Roadrunner lies on the road dead, in a blood bath. Wile E. Coyote runs over to the Roadrunner's dead body]

Wile E. Coyote:
Without you, my life really has no meaning.

[Wile E. shoots himself in the head with a prop gun, and dies]

Wooldoor:
Foxxy, the only thing you're good at is giving head, and you managed to do the opposite!

Foxxy:
You too Wooldoor?

[Foxxy runs away crying and Wooldoor feels sad]

[The housemates are waking up in their house]

Clara:
Good morning, people and Foxxy. It's a lovely day to be on a reality show.

Foxxy:
And it's a great day to deny wettin' the bed. WHICH I DID NOT DO!

Rhino Guard:
Do you not know that impersonating a princess is a serious offense, punishable by death?

Clara:
[slapping the guard] Do you not know that sucking my dick is a serious offense, punishable by F*** YOU! Now let us in at once or I'll have your children killed! [to the camera] Yeah, it's good to be home.

Suck My Taint Girl:
Look, Make-A-Point Land!

Wooldoor:
Where? I can't see it.

Foxxy:
It's right over there, between Why-You-So-Bitter-About-Being-Canceled Land and You-Had-Three-Or-Four-Seasons-You-Should-Be-Happy-With-What-You-Got-Most-Shows-Don't-Even-Get-That Land.

Foxxy:
Guys, I solved a mystery.

Clara:
The only mystery you've ever solved is the mystery of the empty uterus. [Everybody except Foxxy laughs]

Foxxy:
If that's true, then how did I found out that the Drawn Together had been canceled?

Wooldoor:
C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-cancelled?

Clara:
That's ridiculous!

Captain Hero:
Girl, you crazy.

Spanky:
Poppycock!

Foxxy:
Oh, really? Then why can I say, "You can all f*** my titties with your sh*t-covered c*cks, you cum-guzzling faggots" without being bleeped?

Spanky:
Yeah! How the f*** is... Whoa! I just said "f***!"

Captain Hero:
F***! Oh, well, I'll be darned.

Toot:
Dick-gobbling, blood-soaked, ass-eating turd taster! Whoo-hoo! This is fun!

Ling-Ling:
If we not on TV anymore, then why have I been bleaching my anus?

Clara:
Never trust a Jew producer. I'm obviously a real Disney princess. If I weren't, why would I be so much better than all you people and Foxxy?

Foxxy:
Maybe the Jew Producer was tellin' the truth. I mean, Clara, you may look like a Disney princess, but how many Disney princesses have done the things you done done? [cut to various shots of Clara doing un-princess-like things] And how many times you seen Josie and the Pussycats do what I doed? [cut to various shots of Foxxy doing things not befitting of Josie and the Pussycats]

Captain Hero:
Now, Foxxy, let's not jump to any conclusions here.

Foxxy:
C'mon, Captain Hero, how many real superheroes do you know that bang corpses?

Captain Hero:
I don't know. Molly, how many superheroes HAVE you been with? [cut to various shots of Molly in sexual encounters with various superheroes, the last one in which Batman can be seen fellating Robin on a toilet]

Jew Producer:
You don't talk much, do you, I.S.R.A.E.L.?

I.S.R.A.E.L.:
I.S.R.A.E.L. talks when I.S.R.A.E.L. has something to say.

Jew Producer:
OK, just trying to pass the time here. Listen, I know you're a robot and everything, but don't you have feeling? Isn't it hard for you to destroy things that have never wronged you?

I.S.R.A.E.L.:
Everyone has wronged I.S.R.A.E.L.!

Foxxy:
You out your f***in' mind? I said f***, and they didn't even beep it! F***! F***, f***, f***, f***! [gasps] What about sh*t? What about c*nt? What about shitcunt? [gasps again] No beeps! They ain't beeping the curse words! [to Wooldoor] Go on, try it! Say something!

Wooldoor:
Okay. Uh, schwartza. Mud baby. Smoked Irishman. Ink face!

Foxxy:
Nah, dummy, they never censor racism. I'm talking about words like "shitcunt".

Wooldoor:
Ooh, I could never say that. Those are bad words.

Spanky:
Well, like a colostomy bag, I'm on Foxxy's side. I liked being a reality TV star.

Wooldoor:
Yeah! We need to get our show back. Otherwise, I'll have to go back to my old gig: exposing myself to children, and that union has THE worst health plan!

Captain Hero:
Psst! That guard outfit makes you look fat.

Ryan the Rhino Guard:
It does? [runs off crying]

Another Rhino Guard:
Oh, great! Now I'll have to deal with that all night. Ryan, wait up!

I.S.R.A.E.L.:
I.S.R.A.E.L. must kill you all

Xandir:
Wait, can't we just work something out?

I.S.R.A.E.L.:
I.S.R.A.E.L. must be aggressive to survive. It's a common sense policy

Jew Son:
Hey, after that, Jew Dad, can we play a little catch?

Jew Producer:
Of course, Jew Son. Gosh, I love you. I don't know what I'd do if anything would happen to you. Oh, how emotionally invested I am in you staying safe and remaining alive, as would anyone watching us right now. [his cell phone rings] Oh, no.

Jew Wife:
Don't you dare answer that! It's Shabbat!

Jew Producer:
But it's work! It must be important if the boss is calling today.

Jew Wife:
I don't care if it's Moses himself. Do NOT answer that!

Clara:
What the... [walks into the king, who is not her father at all] Who the f*** are you? [everyone gasps]

King:
I am the king!

Clara:
The king? You are not the king. My father is the king, which makes me the princess.

Real Princess:
Father, I think this peasant has gone mad with the plague... [spinning around, during which time we get to see her vagina under her dress] for everyone knows I am the true princess of the land.

Xandir:
[to a crying Clara] Oh, it's OK, Clara. So we're not who we think we are. So what, right?

Clara:
So what? If I'm not a princess, then I'm just another beautiful virgin with real C-cups and a super-tight ass that continuously vibrates and tastes like wild berries.

Foxxy Love:
[confused] Something ain't right here. The Foxxy smells herself a mystery. [the other housemates laugh except Foxxy] What's so funny?

Spanky Ham:
Come on, Foxxy. It's time to give up trying to redeem yourself.

Princess Clara:
Yeah. For weeks, you've been trying to make up for botching that mystery at the amusement park.

[the scene flashes back to the amusement park where Foxxy is talking to Old Man]

Foxxy Love:
[confronting Old Man] Mr. Wilkinson here denies being a supervillain. But let me ask you this, if you ain't not a supervillain, then why would you need a bulletproof face? [pulls a shotgun and shoots the Old Man in the face, while the citizens gasp. The Old Man's wife suddenly shows up]

Old Man's Wife:
[Saddened at her husband's death] Oh, Henry! Hang in there, Henry. Don't give up on me, you hear? Don't you give up on me. It's not your time yet. You're a fighter, damn it! Now fight, fight!

Foxxy Love:
Damn! I was 40% sure he had one of them bulletproof faces.

Spanky Ham:
Oh god, I was so scared. I mean, I wanted to go, "Whee, wee, wee, wee!", all the way home.

Ling-Ling:
[in Japorean gibberish] Do you think Jew Producer was telling truth? That I'm not really Pikachu?

Princess Clara:
Never trust a Jew producer. I'm obviously a real Disney Princess. If I weren't, why would I be so much better than all you people and Foxxy?

Foxxy Love:
Maybe the Jew Producer was tellin' the truth. I mean, Clara, you may look like a Disney Princess, but how many Disney Princesses have done the things you done done?

[cut to various shots of Clara doing un-princess-like things]

Foxxy Love:
And how many times you seen Josie and the Pussycats do what I doed?

[cut to various shots of Foxxy doing things not befitting of Josie and the Pussycats]

Captain Hero:
Now, Foxxy, let's not jump to any conclusions here.

Foxxy Love:
C'mon, Captain Hero, how many real superheroes do you know that bang corpses?

Captain Hero:
I don't know. Molly, how many superheroes HAVE you been with?

[cut to various shots of Molly in sexual encounters with various superheroes, the last one in which Batman can be seen fellating Robin on a toilet]

Foxxy:
In fact, ain't no real cartoon characters would do any of the things we done doed!

Toot Braunstein:
Come to think of it, I don't behave anything like the real Betty Boop.

Xandir:
[sighs] Please, Toot. We're trying to have a discussion here?

Spanky Ham:
Yeah, really, Toot. Don't make this all about you.

Ling-Ling:
[in Japorean gibberish] She always does this.

Wooldoor:
This is horrible! We're cancelled and fake! Just like my child support checks.

Spanky Ham:
Oh, yeah, laugh it up, Wooldoor, but I.S.R.A.E.L.'s after us! No one can hide from I.S.R.A.E.L. What are we going to do?

Foxxy Love:
You heard the Jew Producer. They want us dead because we's cancelled. So if we can get Drawn Together back on the air, we can save our asses!

Xandir:
[scoffs] Yeah right, Foxxy. How you plan on doing that?

Foxxy Love:
I don't know yet. But we can start with that girl who stole our timeslot. The Suck My Taint Girl. She sound like she could help.

[All talking at once]

Princess Clara:
Well, I'm not fake. So I'm going back to my kingdom. You're all welcome to join me. My father, the king will keep us safe from I.S.R.A.E.L.

Xandir:
I do like being safe.

Ling-Ling:
[in Japorean gibberish] Ling-Ling like safe too also.

Captain Hero:
Molly and I always dreamed of going to Disneyworld.

Xandir:
You said you'd take me to Disneyworld!

Spanky Ham:
Well, like a colostomy bag, I'm on Foxxy's side. I liked being a reality TV star.

Wooldoor:
Yeah! We need to get our show back. Otherwise, I'll have to go back to my old gig: exposing myself to children, and that union has THE worst health plan!

Xandir:
Fine! Then I guess we are splitting up. How do we decide who gets the mystery van?

Toot Braunstein:
Later, ass-bags! [She steals the van and drives off alone]

Network Head:
My beautiful wife was taking our little girl Sasha to her first day of elementary school. They were singing something. Something pure, something innocent. Little Sasha was young and hadn't yet been burdened with the complexities and ugliness of life. But then she saw it.

Sasha:
Mommy, Mommy! What is that chocolate-face girl doing to the princess?

Network Head's Wife:
[gasps as she saw Drawn Together billboard, her last words before her death] No, no, no, no. Don't look at it, honey. Close your eyes! For God sakes, close your eyes!

Sasha:
[Her last words before her death] Mommy! The chocolate girl is eating the princess! She's eating her face! Why is she eating her face?! MOMMY!!

[both screaming as car crashes as it falls into a dead end]

Network Head:
My wife lost control of the car and drove off a cliff! They landed in a deadly pit of alligators! Swimming in a pit of sulfric acid! By the time I arrived, there was nothing I could do...but get...revenge..!

Foxxy Love:
"The Suck My Taint Show"? Let me info this. [reading] A satirical take on the world's political-socio-economic situation (and taint sucking) starring the lovably poignant Suck My Taint Girl.

Wooldoor Sockbat:
We got cancelled for that.

Xandir:
[to a crying Clara] Oh, it's okay, Clara. So we're not who we think we are. So what, right?

Princess Clara:
So what? If I'm not a princess, then I'm just another beautiful virgin with real C-cups and a super-tight ass that continuously vibrates and tastes like wild berries. Who could ever love someone like that? [cries]

King:
Dungeon master, make sure the guillotine is not too far back on the stage. I want the people in the front row to have to wear rain ponchos.

Princess Clara:
My lord, perhaps you could see it in your heart to let me live here in your kingdom. And give me the opportunity to be the real princess I always thought I was. For I can be just as good as the officially sanctioned princesses in your kingdom. Allow me. [singing, King is impressed, and the animals gathering around at her]

Xandir:
Yeah, Clara! She's doing it! It's working!...

Princess Clara:
[stops singing, annoyed and angry] For f***'s sake, Xandir! I'm trying to impress the goddamn king! And I can't f***ing sing if you keep flapping those [as she hitting Xandir's face with a bird] dick-sucking lips of yours!

King:
[Upon seeing Clara's strong language behavior in fury] Guards, tomorrow, off with their heads!

Princess Clara:
[Panicked, grabs the king's coat] No wait! Please!

Rhino Guardian:
Release the king, vile peasant! [Preparing to cut Clara's arms]

Xandir:
Hero! Do something!

Captain Hero:
Oh, yes, of course. [ignoring Xandir, grabs a corpse Molly to close her eyes] Uh, you shouldn't see this, baby. I know how you are around blood and this could easily go that way.

[The Rhino guard cuts Clara's arms off]

Princess Clara:
[scream as she running backwards and fall down] OH NO! OH NOOO!!!

[Rhino Guard throws Clara’s arms back into a prison after she holds it]

Captain Hero:
[Clara wails] Oh, you totally would not have been into that.

[Clara crying in suffered]

Captain Hero:
No, Molly, you're the cutest. [chuckles] No, you are.

Xandir:
Watching Hero and his whorish know-it-all girl made me sick. [Confessional] I had to get Hero break up with Molly so I could have my best friend back! And i had just the plan.

[Xandir, Hero, dead Molly, and Ling-Ling escaping from the dungeon, except Clara]

Xandir:
Come on, Clara!

Princess Clara:
[refuses to go] No, I have nothing to live for anymore. I'm not a princess. Now go. I'll slow them down for you. It's the only way.

Xandir:
Thanks, Clara. You'll always to be a princess to me. Here.

Princess Clara:
No, you keep them. They're of no use to me now.

Xandir:
I'll treasure them always.

Princess Clara:
Wait, Xandir. Do me one favor. Live your gay life to the fullest.

Xandir:
Will do.

Princess Clara:
Everyday's a gift.

Xandir:
Gotcha.

Princess Clara:
And find that one special person.

Xandir:
Sure thing. Bye!

Princess Clara:
And hold him close, and tell him with all your heart. That you can't marry him. The Bible forbids it.

Xandir:
I really gotta go!

Princess Clara:
[Her last words before her death] Okay, bye. Don't adopt.

[Xandir runs off and Clara stays behind and jams torches into her arm stumps, then makes a kamikaze dash into the pursuing line of guards. The guards end up killing her]

Wooldoor Sockbat:
Weeeee are all together again! Wait, where's Clara?

Xandir:
Oh, Clara? She's dead.

Wooldoor Sockbat:
[gasp in shocked] Oh no.

Ling-Ling:
[in Japorean gibberish, holding Clara's severed arms] But we have her arms.

King:
Outrageous! How did you think you were going to get away with this? A foul-mouthed clone of my daughter. What if some child actually thought it was her using the word shitcunt?

Network Head:
I understand. But we are taking measures.

King:
We are taking measures, too. Ooh! [an eraser bomb breaks into the window, his last words before he erased] What the...? [explosion]

Suck My Taint Girl:
[gasps in excited] You're all here? Hooray! [notices someone missing] Wait, where's Clara?

Foxxy Love:
And so, we told Suck My Taint Girl the terrible news about Clara.

Suck My Taint Girl:
What?

Foxxy Love:
She took it pretty hard.

[Suck My Taint Girl bawling]

Foxxy Love:
But after a long talk and respectful memorial service, [Confessional] Suck My Taint Girl agreed to take us to Make-A-Point Land, help us find the Make-A-Point wizard, get our point, get our show back on the air, hence redeeming myself for getting us all into this mess in the first place.

Ling-Ling:
[in Japorean gibberish] This finally give meaning to Clara's life.

All:
Amen.

Foxxy Love:
Hallelujah. Your way talking. Whoo!

Spanky Ham:
This doesn't seem right. I mean, maybe we don't want a point. Don't you see? If I can't fart or vomit or fill up an ice tray with the afterbirth of Foxxy's miscarriage and hand them out as ice pops to terminally-ill children on my hospital tours without making some kind of point, then maybe it's just not worth it.

Ling-Ling:
[in Japorean gibberish] Maybe Spanky right. Ling-Ling rike belittling half world's population for no reason.

Captain Hero:
And I don't want to let dead chicks f*** me in my mouth for social commentary. I mean, what's wrong with just doing it 'cause it makes me feel good?

Foxxy Love:
And I sure do like getting pregnant for no reason. You know what? I agree with the pig.

Toot Braunstein:
Thank you.

Spanky Ham:
So, Mr. Make-A-Point wizard, I guess we don't want to make-a-point after all. Maybe, that's a point.

Make-A-Point Wizard:
Hmmm.

Wooldoor Sockbat:
[flips out and steals the point box from them as he's holding a gun] F*** YOU, GUYS! I need Drawn Together! Otherwise, I don't exist!

Make-A-Point Wizard:
No! wait, it's a...

Wooldoor Sockbat:
[He open the point box and his last words before he erased] What the...? [it's an eraser bomb which blows up and erased him from existence forever, speaking backwards. After he's gone, a silhouette of his screaming face is seen crumbling away along with one last "WHEEEE!!!" being heard blowing away in the wind]

Network Head:
Because of this! [takes off his coat to reveal that he has many explosives on his stomach and chest while That's for Pure Mike Nichols song from The Kennedy Center Honors (2003) clip plays]

[I.S.R.A.E.L. screams and she runs off and jumps out of the window]

Network Head:
[His last words before his death] I have enough E-5 to destroy all of Make-A-Point Land! Looks like I'll be enjoying the Drawn Together Gang in hell! [laughs evilly]

Foxxy Love:
You've gots some real weird sense of humor.

Xandir:
Hero! Do something!

Captain Hero:
I miss Molly! [bawling]