The Man with Two Faces

Daphne Flowers:
[to Sergeant Curtis about Wells] Get him to explain refinement to you. It's just too divine!

Producer Ben Weston:
[Contemptuously to Vance] You know, Vance, there must be some way of getting rid of rat like you. I suppose the best way is just to crunch you underfoot on the sidewalk.

Daphne Flowers:
Listen here, you big heel, you've left me flat for over a week!

Damon Welles:
Well, that's the way i found you!

Daphne Flowers:
What were you doing in Philadelpia on Monday?

Damon Welles:
I never go to Philadelphia!

Dr. Kendall:
[Speaking of Jessica] If there's a remedy for her, it's not in my satchel.

Aunt Martha Temple:
Oh, but, doctor, there must be something... other cases?

Dr. Kendall:
The doctors who understood these cases are all dead. They died in the Middle Ages. They would have said she's possessed... and they would have been right... perhaps.

Hattie, Martha's Housekeeper:
[to Vance] I'm a housekeeper, not a mouse keeper.

Damon Welles:
Well, a new groupie. [32-years before it's first usage as noted by Merriam-Webster at http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/groupie on 2012-04-06 12:28 CT]

Stanley Vance:
Now let me warn you. If you hurt those mice I shall have the extreme pleasure of knocking you down and kicking your brains out.

Damon Welles:
Well, that's white of you to tell us, Horace B. Jones.

Daphne Flowers:
If I'd known that, I'd never 've acted in your play.

Damon Welles:
Oh, eh, Daphne, my love, you've never acted in any play and never will.

Horace Barry Jones:
You try to cheapen everything, both of you. Well, you can't! [to Damon] I know about you, you've had a hangover for the last ten years. [to Daphne] You, you just hang over with him! You're two cronic grouches. [Horace exits]

Daphne Flowers:
Oh, the poor sap. You didn't mean all those things you said about his play, did ya, honeykins?

Damon Welles:
If I'd said what I really thought, I'd 've made him cry.

Damon Welles:
So, you know what my trouble is? I can't fake.

Daphne Flowers:
Well, then why are you an actor?

Damon Welles:
Because all of my life I've wanted to be snake charmer.

Damon Welles:
[Sticks his pipe in Daphne's mouth] Here, keep this hot for me until I get back.

Producer Ben Weston:
How did everything go tonight, Damon?

Damon Welles:
Oh, the second act was still a choice morsel of limburger.

Damon Welles:
Say, will you quit jabbering like a theatrical trade journal.

Jessica Wells:
Ben, dear Ben, what a snug harbor you are for a craft that's known some pretty stormy weather.

Stanley Vance:
One day, I was sitting in a barber shop in Oklahoma City, I picked up a paper and there it was, "Jessica Wells Returns To Stage." So, well, we, we came home.

Damon Welles:
Shut your yap and get outta here!

Daphne Flowers:
Why, honey...

Damon Welles:
Come on, now, fade.

Daphne Flowers:
Well, so long.

Damon Welles:
Allow me to present my brother-in-law, Mr. Stanley Vance. If you want to know about him, ask the warden at San Quentin. There's only one profession that he's shown any skill. He's an expert in the art of living on women. Lovely work, if you can get it. But, of course, it takes a certain slimy charm.

Stanley Vance:
I say, you're getting a little nasty, aren't you?

Damon Welles:
What till I'm warmed up!

Damon Welles:
Hello Ben, how's tricks?

Producer Ben Weston:
Holy jumpin' catfish!

Producer Ben Weston:
Now, listen Damon, don't be so cocksure of yourself. You're not out of this thing yet, you know. Did you leave any clues?

Damon Welles:
Not even a false tooth. Baby, they can turn those bloodhounds lose. All they'll ever know is that ol' Massa Tom got down that river.

Inspector Crane:
Well, it's a funny thing. The more brains a murderer has, the more likely he is to pull some bonehead stunt that'll trap him. It's too bad the State doesn't make some exceptions. They hang the death rap on anybody for killing anybody, even a dirty rat like Vance.

Damon Welles:
Say, will you telephone Aunt Martha and tell her we're going out for the last act. And tell her to put some beer on ice.