The Silencers

[after Gail had splashed water on Matt, she then spills a drink on him after falling over when he's lighting her cigarette]

Gail Hendrix:
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Matt Helm:
Yeah, I know you are.

Matt Helm:
I couldn't help noticing, but, these are your clothes?

Barbara:
What if they are?

Matt Helm:
Oh, I know you have a headache but don't take it out on me, I mean, what should I do with these?

Barbara:
[in a breathy voice] Just throw them anywhere. I won't be needing them 'til morning.

Tina aka Cowboy:
This is just like old times.

Matt Helm:
Yeah, especially with that body on the floor.

[Pointing to Barbara in the background, who has just been shot twice in the back by Tina]

Tina aka Cowboy:
What do we do with *her*?

Matt Helm:
You put her on ice, let ICE take care of it.

Tina aka Cowboy:
And what happens when the maid walks in, in the morning?

Matt Helm:
You know, you're right. Let's put her in my bed, so we don't arouse suspicion.

[Matt and Tina start walking towards Barbara's body, cut]

Tina aka Cowboy:
[after Matt has a wet first encounter with Gail at the swimming pool] I can't leave you alone for a second, can I?

Matt Helm:
Not if you want to keep me dry.

Tina aka Cowboy:
[Discussing Gail] Quite a girl.

Matt Helm:
That is not a girl, Tina. That's a disaster area.

Gail Hendrix:
I want some music. [Gail turns on car radio, Frank Sinatra's "Come Fly With Me" plays]

Matt Helm:
Oh, turn him off, he's terrible! [Gail changes the station, Dean Martin's "Everybody Loves Somebody" plays] Now that's a guy that can sing!

Matt Helm:
The soap, please, Miss Kravezit.

Matt Helm:
[picking up the phone] Wrong hacienda.

Matt Helm:
Don't you think we should be introduced first?

Barbara:
You're Matt Helm.

Matt Helm:
Good enough for me.

Matt Helm:
But I've been on leave from I.C.E. for a long time. As far as I'm concerned, I am out of it.

Tina:
[pouring herself a drink] You're never out of Ice.

Tina:
[concerned about a sniper outside] But what happens if he hits the gas tank?

Matt Helm:
Smokey the Bear won't like it. Get in.

Gail Hendrix:
Eddie, fix me a Bloody Mary. With real blood.

Tina:
Are you on a vacation?

Gail Hendrix:
Oh well, eh, I was on a tour, a sight-seeing tour. But eh, the man in charge of our group kept taking me places that weren't in the brochure.

Matt Helm:
Where was that?

Gail Hendrix:
His room.

Matt Helm:
[to Tina] Making love to you is like playing Russian Roulette.

Gail Hendrix:
Mr. Helm, now do I look like an enemy agent?

Matt Helm:
Well I dunno, I haven't seen the latest models yet.

Gail Hendrix:
You're sick, you know that? S.I.Q.U.E. Sick!

Gail Hendrix:
You undressed me once and I didn't like it.

Matt Helm:
Now you're confusing romance with first aid.

Matt Helm:
My name is Chump. Matt Chump.

Tina:
[trying to get Matt to switch sides] You'll just die...

Matt Helm:
Not in your bed.

Tina:
What better place is there?

Matt Helm:
Well, they finally figured out how to get blood out of a stone...

Matt Helm:
[to Gail] You know, if you were an Indian, Custer would still be alive.

Tina aka Cowboy:
[after Matt has opened his gun cabinet and flipped it around to reveal even more weapons] Who designed this house? Smith and Wesson?

Barbara:
What's in Acapulco that you can't find here?

Matt Helm:
Mexicans.

Tung-Tze:
[to Matt] The explosion will raise a cloud of radioactive dust that will settle over vast areas of the Southwest... Beautiful!