Ultimate Spider-Man

[after being thrown through a roof by the Goblin]

Spider-Man:
I have just officially run out of ways to say, "Ow."

[to Rhino]

Spider-Man:
Is that a horn on your head, or are you happy to... Oh my God, I am so scared I can't finish my lame joke.

[chasing after Venom who's captured Silver Sable]

Spider-Man:
Crazy silver hottie threaten my family. I should let Eddie eat her. He'd be doing me a favor. But then I'd then feel guilty about that because, clearly, I don't have enough things to feel guilty about. So now, here I am. Trying to save the crazy woman. If my life were any more stupid, it would be on network TV.

Venom:
Our fathers died to create me. And now, you will too.

Beetle:
[only line to Venom] I need a sample.

Peter Parker:
I need it.

Mary Jane:
It's not done.

Peter Parker:
Give it back.

Mary Jane:
It's *really* not done.

Peter Parker:
I can't go swinging around in my nerd clothes.

Mary Jane:
I just have to finish stitching up a hole in the butt and then I'll give it back to you.

Peter Parker:
I can explain the hole in the butt by the way.

Mary Jane:
Please don't.

Johnny Storm:
[racing Spider-Man across Queens] Madame Web is faster then you, and I don't even get the reference.

Beetle:
[after Spider-Man chases him through New York] You are very irritating.

Wolverine:
[fighting Venom] I'm the best at what I do, and what I do ain't pretty at all. See these claws? Unbreakable. You? Bet not.

Peter Parker:
[saving people from falling off a bridge, Silver Sable helps] Hey, weren't you trying to kill me just a minute ago?

Silver Sable:
I was hired to capture you, not harm innocent civilians.

Peter Parker:
Aw, your a crazy lady with a heart of gold.

Spider-Man:
Hot tamale!

[racing the Human Torch]

Spider-Man:
Moon Knight is faster than you!

[racing the Human Torch]

Spider-Man:
Speedball is faster than you!

Spider-Man:
[When racing Johnny Storm] An actual matchstick is faster than you!

Spider-Man:
[When fighting the Green Goblin, referring to his fireballs] Only YOU can prevent Spidey-man fires!

Spider-Man:
I am gonna smack the green right off you!

Spider-Man:
[to Johnny Storm] I am here to win back the honor of my family name.

Johnny Storm:
What?

Spider-Man:
I was watching "Fist of Legend" last night.

Green Goblin:
Let's finish this!

Spider-Man:
I agree! What is this, again?

Spider-Man:
[sing-song voice] The fist bone's connected to the - face bone!

[first lines]

Peter Parker:
[narrating] This is how it all began. Which of course, leads to a sense like this. A few months ago, I reunited with my childhood friend, Eddie Brock.

[from flashback]

Peter Parker:
What is that?

Eddie Brock, Jr.:
It's... our inheritance.

[repeated line as he falls into the river]

Spider-Man:
Glub. Did I just say glub?

[after defeating Rhino, Alex O'Hirn ejects from the robotic rhinoceros]

Alex O'Hirn:
Back away from me, masked avenger. My diminuitive corpus will not with-stand your contumelious deficient.

Spider-Man:
Not with the big words again.

[after Venom trashes the bar, Wolverine walks in]

Wolverine:
Nice mess.

Venom:
Hunger! Feed!

Wolverine:
[pops out his claws] You don't say.

Johnny Storm:
Alright,this is the last time we're doing this.

Spider-Man:
Bring it.

Johnny Storm:
You got enough web fluid for a lap around the entire island?

Spider-Man:
Got enough lighter fluid?

Johnny Storm:
Wow, that was a lame comeback.

Spider-Man:
It's the altitude.

Spider-Man:
You're great, but not Hulk great.

Civilian:
[after seeing Spider-Man chasing the Beetle] Whoa, Spider-Man's chasing Iron Man!

Spider-Man:
[Punching the Green Goblin] Maybe this will knock the crazy out of you.

Mary Jane:
What's wrong?

Spider-Man:
It's Eddie, he's still out there. And I don't know if I'm scared of him or for him.

Mary Jane:
But he's not here.

Spider-Man:
No.

Mary Jane:
I'm here. [He puts his arm around her]

Spider-Man:
[to Rino] Hey you! Is that a rhinoceros horn or are you just happy to see... [Rhino turns around and he's 8 feet taller than Spidey]

Spider-Man:
I am so scared right now I can't even finish my lame joke.

Venom:
I know how to control the suit now... Isn't that what you wanted?

Mary Jane:
What is it?

Peter Parker:
I have no idea...

Mary Jane:
What are those black things?

Peter Parker:
Yeah... That's the "I have no idea" part...