Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Kimberly:
Buffy? What's your sitch? You're acting like the thing from another tax bracket.

Merrick:
None of the other girls ever gave me this much trouble.

Buffy:
And where are they now? Hello!

Nicole:
You got a C-plus? I can't believe I cheated off of you.

Buffy:
Excuse me for not knowing about El Salvador, like I'm ever going to Spain anyway.

Pike:
Buffy, you're the guy. You're the chosen guy.

Buffy:
And I choose to be shopping.

Buffy:
Oh, wow. I, I, never hit anyone before.

Merrick:
Really? Well you did it perfectly.

Buffy:
I didn't even break a nail.

Nicole:
Buff, I don't see why we have to invite every single senior.

Buffy:
Because it's the senior dance? It's just a shot in the dark.

Benny:
Her yabos scoff at gravity.

Buffy:
Does the word "duh" mean anything to you?

Coach:
OK people, they are psyching you out. Let's not be so defensive out there, OK? Now what do we say on the court, repeat after me; I am a person, I have the right to the ball.

Coach:
...therefore, if we all work together, together we'll work out. Are you with me? Get out there! All right! Score some... eh... points! Hey, you missed practice again today! I think you better sit down and think about how that made me feel...

Buffy:
All I want to do is graduate from high school, move to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die. Now that might not sound too great to a sconehead like you, but I think it's swell. And now you show up and tell me I'm a member of the hairy mole club so you can THROW things at me? I don't THINK so.

Lothos:
You and I are one.

Buffy:
One what? Cute couple? I don't THINK so.

Amilyn:
You ruined my new jacket! Kill him A LOT!

Pike:
Look! Air!

Buffy:
Are you all right?

Pike:
Well, I can't move my legs.

Buffy:
Why?

Pike:
Because you're sitting on them.

Buffy:
My secret weapon is PMS.

Gary:
I have detention slips here and I'm not afraid to use them.

Buffy:
You left me a message?

Jeffrey:
You weren't home! As usual.

Buffy:
You broke up with my machine?

Buffy:
I've got something the other girls don't.

Merrick:
And what's that?

Buffy:
My keen fashion sense!

Merrick:
Oh, vampires of the world beware.

Benny:
Let me in, Pike. I'm *hungry*!

Pike:
You're *floating*! Get outta here!

Amilyn:
We're immortal, Buffy. We can do anything.

Buffy:
Oh yeah? Clap.

Lothos:
So this is your defense? Your puny faith?

Buffy:
No. My keen fashion sense.

Buffy:
Does Elvis talk to you? Does he tell you to do things?

Buffy:
Pike's not a name, it's a fish.

Grueller:
Now, I'm a God!

Pike:
And now, you're a coat rack.

Zeph:
Where the hell are you going?

Pike:
I'm leaving man, I'm bailing town. This place has got way too hairy.

Zeph:
Where the hell I'm I gonna find another mechanic stupid enough who will work for my kind of money?

Pike:
Seen Benny lately?

Zeph:
No. You want me to give him a message?

Pike:
You should think about leaving too, man. Sell this place. There's something going on around here. I don't know, something really weird.

Zeph:
Hey, what do you want me to do if I see Benny?

Pike:
Run.

Lothos:
Now I'm really pissed off.

Buffy:
Do you got any gum?

Buffy:
Is that your van?

Pike:
Yeah, it was. It's still...

Buffy's Mom:
Bye-Bye Bobby!

Jeffrey:
Bye! She thinks my name's Bobby?

Buffy:
It's possible; she thinks MY name's Bobby.

[Buffy's mom bids farewell to Buffy and her boyfriend.]

Buffy's Mom:
Bye-bye, Bobby.

Jeffery:
Bye! [to Buffy] She thinks my name's Bobby?

Buffy:
It's possible she thinks my name's Bobby.

Buffy:
I got a C-plus on the test, and he tells me, "You have no sense of history." I have no sense of history? He wears a brown tie!

Nicole:
You got a C-plus? I can't believe I cheated off you.

Buffy:
Excuse me for not knowing about El Salvador. Like I'm ever going to Spain anyway.

[Buffy and her friends converse loudly in the movie theater.]

Benny:
I can't believe these people. We paid money to see this.

Pike:
No, we didn't.

Benny:
Oh, yeah. But I still wanna know what happens!

Buffy:
Everyone gets horribly killed except the blonde girl in the nightie, who finally kills the monster with a machete. But it's not really dead.

Jennifer:
Oh, my God, is that true?

Buffy:
Probably. What movie is this?

...

[Later:
Buffy and her friends bump into the same two guys at a cafe.]

Pike:
Hey, wait a minute...

Benny:
You're the guys from the movie!

Pike:
We hate you guys.

Pike:
Would you have sex with them?

Benny:
Another shot of this, I'll have sex with you.

Pike:
Yeah, but then you'll never call me again.

[Benny, now a vampire, is floating outside Pike's window.]

Benny:
Let me in, Pike. I'm hungry.

Pike:
You're floating! Get outta here!

[Pike is preparing to leave town.]

Pike:
Seen Benny lately?

Zeph:
No. You want me to give him a message?

Pike:
You should think about leaving too, man. Sell this place. There's something going on around here... I don't know, something really weird. [turns to leave]

Zeph:
Hey — what do you want me to do if I see Benny?

Pike:
Run.

[Merrick analyzes Buffy's first solo slaying.]

Merrick:
He was slow. Very simple. They won't all be that easy.

Buffy:
Fine.

Merrick:
And the alley was a mistake. Never corner yourself like that. If they had come at you in force, you'd be dead now. One vampire is a lot easier to kill than ten.

Buffy:
Does the word "duh" mean anything to you?

Merrick:
None of the other girls gave me this much trouble.

Buffy:
And where are they now? Hel-lo-o!

...

Buffy:
I've got something none of the other girls had.

Merrick:
And what's that?

Buffy:
My keen fashion sense.

Merrick:
Oh... vampires of the world, beware.

Buffy:
Oh, you made a joke. Do you wanna lie down? I know it hurts the first time

[In the school hallway, one of Jeffery's friends grabs Buffy from behind.]

Andy:
Gotta get some!

[Buffy flips him, then jerks him to his feet and pins him against a locker.]

Andy:
Whoa, whoa — I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I don't actually need any right now!

Buffy:
Don't grab me, okay?

Andy:
Absolutely! I now see the error of my mistake.

Merrick:
Good Lord. What do you study in History?

Buffy:
My nails.

[Pike has just crashed his van fleeing from a group of vampires.]

Buffy:
Is this your van?

Pike:
[dazed] Yeah...it was. It's... still...

Shambling Vampire:
BluaaaaahUGH!

[Buffy arrives at a school dance to find her boyfriend with another girl.]

Jeffery:
Didn't you get my message?

Buffy:
You broke up with my machine?!

Jeffery:
You weren't home. Like always.

[Vampires have surrounded the school gym.]

Buffy:
Don't worry. They can't come in here. They can't come in unless they're invited.

Kimberley:
I... already invited them.

[Everyone — students and faculty — stares at her.]

Kimberley:
They're seniors!

[A vampire ex-student brags to Buffy.]

Buffy:
We were friends.

Grueller:
Now, I'm a god! [Pike stakes him]

Pike:
And now, you're a coat rack.

[Buffy is confronted by the one-armed Amilyn.]

Amilyn:
We're immortal, Buffy. We can do anything.

Buffy:
Oh, yeah? Clap.

[Buffy faces the vampire lord Lothos.]

Lothos:
You and I... are one.

Buffy:
One what? Cute couple? I don't think so!

...

[Buffy brandishes a crucifix.]

Lothos:
So this is your defense? Your puny faith? [he grasps the crucifix; it bursts into flame.]

Buffy:
No. My keen fashion sense. [she pulls a can of hair spray out of her purse.]

[After the climactic vampire battle, Buffy tends to the fallen Pike.]

Buffy:
Are you all right?

Pike:
Well... I can't move my legs.

Buffy:
Why?

Pike:
Because you're sitting on them.

[Buffy helps up an in pain Pike.]

Pike:
Wow, did I do all of that?

Buffy:
No.

Pike:
(sighing) Did you do all of that?

Buffy:
Yeah.

[Buffy and Pike are dancing.]

Pike:
You know... you're not like other girls.

Buffy:
Yes, I am. [puts her head on his shoulder]

Pike:
C'mon, Lefty, you remember what happened the last time you messed with me.

Amilyn:
Yeah, I do. [lifts Pike in the air by shirt collar]

Pike:
Shoot. [as Amilyn throws him across the parking lot]

Buffy:
Mmm. Wouldn't you guys love me in this?" [holding up a new jacket in front of her]

Buffy:
Does Elvis talk to you?

Buffy:
What are you doing here? This is a naked place! [when Merrick approaches her in the girls' locker room]

Buffy:
I just think it sounds cool, you know? Buyer, buying, to buy... [about her future career as a 'Buyer']

Buffy:
Merrick — you made a joke! Are you okay? I mean, do you wanna lie down? I know it hurts the first time.

Buffy:
Three weeks ago, all I thought about was... well, I didn't actually think about anything."

Buffy:
I'm the Chosen One, and I choose to be shopping.

Buffy:
"Why? Because it isn't in the Book of all Knowledgefulness that I'm going to be cheering at the Riverview game tomorrow? Lighten up, Merrick".

Merrick:
You do everything wrong! [Buffy begins to apologize] No....Do it wrong.

Merrick:
There's a small village in Hampshire, near Stonehenge..." [notices Buffy's blank look] Near a bunch of big rocks. That's where I was born.

Merrick:
All this is a show. And when the music stops, the rest is silence.

Pike:
I'm leaving, man, I'm bailing town. This place has gotten way too hairy.

Pike:
I think I'll just hang out here. Make sure the sun comes up and everything.

Pike:
I don't believe this! The world is under attack by legions of the undead, and you're going to a mixer?!?

Pike:
You know, Benny was right? You're all the same. I'm not disappointed, I'm just angry!"

Pike:
Are YOU addressing I?

Pike:
[Buffy is lying on top of him after a large leap] What am I supposed to do, run? These guys are everywhere, and I wanna do some damage. I'm good with damage.

Pike:
[sees Amilyn and Lothos with Buffy] "I know that guy. That is a bad guy. Can we go now? {when Buffy approaches Lothos] "Does anybody here but me have a problem with this?"

Pike:
I crashed your party [Buffy responds, "How shallow."] Yeah well, I'm pretty shallow. Would I get my ass kicked if I asked you to dance?

Lothos:
You must forgive Amilyn. He tends to drool before supper.

Lothos:
We can't be stopped. This is our world now.

Lothos:
What are we? We are man, perfected. We exist to consume.

Lothos:
Twelve hundred years old, and you behave like a child! Honestly, I don't know how you made it through the Crusades.

Amilyn:
Wanna go for a ride?

Amilyn:
Admit it, Buffy. Don't you sometimes feel... less than fresh?

Amilyn:
Buffy: "Oh yeah? Clap.

Kimberley:
"Get out of my facial!"

Andy:
[interview after vampire attack]: They had fangs. They were biting people. They had this look in their eyes — totally cold. Animal. I think they were Young Republicans.

Gary Murray:
Don't think of me as Gary Murray, administrator. Think of me as Gary Murray — party guy.

Gary Murray:
[after Lothos appears] "That is definitely not a student.

Gary Murray:
[dead vampires, with stakes sticking out of their hearts, litter the gym] "Detention, detention, detention...detention, detention, detention. I think that's all of them; no, wait, detention, detention, detention." [drops detention slips on the bodies]

Gary Murray:
[During the credits] Well, I think the kids learn a lesson about safety, except the dead ones. Well, they learned it, but didn't have time to implement it. Are we live?

The Coach:
Now, what do we say on the court? Repeat after me: 'I am a person. I have a right to the ball'.

The Coach:
Hey, you missed practice again today. I think you better sit down and think about how that made me feel.

The Coach:
Assert your person-hood! Actualize! Actualize!

Biker:
Hey, babe, you wanna get some real power between your legs?

Benny:
Come on, Pike! Join me! Live forever! We can start a band!