Carry On Behind

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Good Mornings, so sorry!

Prof. Roland Crump:
Well that's alright, don't mention it.

The Dean:
Crump, I'd like you to meet Professor Vrooshka.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
How are you doinks?

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
I have been examining Hadrian's Walls.

Prof. Roland Crump:
He only had one.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
One what?

Prof. Roland Crump:
He had one, one wall.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Terribly sorry, my English not yet perfected.

The Dean:
I'm glad to see you two look like hitting it off.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Hitting it off, what does hit it off mean? Means like having it off, no?

Prof. Roland Crump:
Oh no, it means establishing a friendly relationship.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Don't worry me and Professor Crump will soon be having it off.

Prof. Roland Crump:
HITTING IT OFF!

Fred Ramsden:
Hello Elss

Mrs. Rowan:
Hello love, give us a bit of that for the old man.

Fred Ramsden:
Give that to your husband and your in for a night of romance.

Mrs. Rowan:
Ooh, can I do it in the oven?

Fred Ramsden:
Do it where you like, its your kitchen.

Mrs. Rowan:
Ooh!

Linda Upmore:
Mummy your not bringing them are you?

Daphne Barnes:
Well I can't leave them at home, they'll die.

Arthur Upmore:
Good.

Daphne Barnes:
Did you say something?

Arthur Upmore:
I said good, we've nearly finished packing.

Daphne Barnes:
Put that on the table will you?

Arthur Upmore:
AHH! BLOODY HELL!

Daphne Barnes:
Arthur, there is no need for that!

Arthur Upmore:
Oh deary me, bless me soul, I do believe I nearly said a rude word, which is not suprising since I nearly got a cactus spike right up my a...

Daphne Barnes:
ARTHUR!

Barnes:
What you yelling about?

Fred Ramsden:
My balls burning!

Barnes:
Don't stand so close to the fire.

Prof. Roland Crump:
You mean the students got here before us?

Maj. Leep:
Yes, were you held up?

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Yes, before we started we had quick bang together.

Prof. Roland Crump:
She ran into my caravan!

Maj. Leep:
Oh?

Prof. Roland Crump:
No! No! She collided with it now its a complete right-off.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
It's ok we are squeezing in somehow.

Prof. Roland Crump:
We will do nothing of the sort!

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Fifteen quids a veek.

Barnes:
Twenty.

Prof. Roland Crump:
The only reason why we want the dilapidated mobile hovel, is for somewhere to do out operations.

Barnes:
Operations? What operations?

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
He will be getting them out and I will be examining them and schticking labels on them.

Prof. Roland Crump:
We can't share a caravan.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
You thinking you getting crumpet, no?

Prof. Roland Crump:
Certainly not, where on earth did you learn that expression?

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Crumpet, is to squash it, it is in dictionary, crumpet is to squash it together.

Prof. Roland Crump:
Oh! You mean cramped.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Its what I say crumpet.

Prof. Roland Crump:
Crumpet, crumbit, crampit, well I'm not staying round here much longer, I'm going to the pub to see if they have rooms there.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Maybe you're getting crumpet in pub also?

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
So you are sleeping in caravan?

Prof. Roland Crump:
I suppose we could divide it up or something.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
H'ok, if you wishink.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Ahh, scrubber. Scrubber no working, borrowing from comrades.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Excuse please, ahh this is nice, this is very nice, no?

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
In this caravan your not getting much crumpet, no?

Arthur Upmore:
Pardon?

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
CRUMPET.

Arthur Upmore:
Yes that's what I thought you said.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
You see, I am keeping a, how you say, a dirrrty caravan.

Arthur Upmore:
Keeping a what?

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
You see, I am having birds in my caravan you want to come and see?

Arthur Upmore:
No thank you, not just now.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Therefore, I am going round camp looking for scrubbers.

Arthur Upmore:
Really?

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Excuse please, you have scrubbers in caravan?

Ernie Bragg:
Certainly not!

Linda Upmore:
Oh I do beg your pardon, my husband has one just like yours.

Joe Baxter:
Hey?

Linda Upmore:
It's also creased and wrinkled.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Tomorrow, we are poking holes all over caravan site.

Prof. Roland Crump:
I don't think they would like that at all.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
It's ok, we are poking early.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
I'm sorry Major but I'm not loving you.

Maj. Leep:
Yes, but...

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
You see, when I love a man I give him everything, I give it all.

Maj. Leep:
But I don't want it all, I just want a bit.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
It's time for knocking off!

Prof. Roland Crump:
Time for what?

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
It is wrong for a lady to show her kernickers in public, No?

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
What is lady doing?

Prof. Roland Crump:
It's a kind of dance.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
Very perculiar, in my country we don't have dance like this.

Prof. Roland Crump:
No, you have mixed bathing instead.

Prof. Anna Vrooshka:
But lady is not taking bath.