227

Lester:
Are you always like this?

Pee-Wee Herman:
No, sometimes I act really silly.

Pee-Wee Herman:
We sure picked a dumb time to not be invisible.

Holdup Man:
Who are you?

Mary:
I'm Gladys Knight and these are my Pips.

[Julian asks Mary about painting the master bedroom]

Julian:
It's House and Condo's Color of the Month.

Mary:
I don't care if it's Baskin Robbins flavor of the month! You are not painting our bedroom passion purple!

Lester:
Passion Purple, Are you Crazy?

Travis:
Cheap! $3.95 a gallon and they threw in the beret!

Julian:
Balderdash!

Sandra:
Calvin, You're still a boy.

Calvin:
[Before Sandra screams when Calvin tries to kiss her] Hopefully I won't be after tonight!

Sandra:
Don't move, breathe deep, think about Church!

Tiffany:
Um, Brenda, can I get Calvin's autograph?

Brenda:
[after hearing Tiffany's request] Bye Tiffany!

Sandra:
[to Rose after she sneezed and destroyed an old map] You really blew it now Rose!

[Sandra is paying rent to Rose]

Sandra:
Three months' rent.

Rose Lee:
Good, now you're only two months behind!

Sandra:
By this summer, I can buy anything I want. I wonder if the Washington Redskins are for sale.

Sandra:
[after receiving a bouquet of flowers] Oh, Mary! You know what? These are probably from Tony apologizing for last night.

Mary:
You see there? All upset for nothing.

Sandra:
[reading the attached note] Oh! Dear Snookums, please accept these flowers as well as an invitation to dinner Friday night at La Bamba! Love, Tony!

Mary:
La Bamba? Child, that place is so expensive, even the doorman takes credit cards.

Sandra:
[laughs] Oh, look, Mary, isn't this cute? There's a P.S! Please don't tell... Sandra. [voice changes to an angry tone upon realizing the flowers are for her roommate, Donna]

Donna Dalton:
Hi! [seeing flowers in Sandra's hand] Oh, those are so pretty!

Sandra:
They're yours.

Donna Dalton:
Aw! [grabbing the flowers] From who?

Sandra:
From Tony.

Donna Dalton:
Aw! I wonder where I should put them?

Sandra:
[menacingly moves towards Donna] I know exact...

Mary:
[while pulling Sandra back] Uh! Uh! Um!

Donna Dalton:
I-Is there something wrong?

Sandra:
[mockingly] I-Is there something wrong? Yeah, there's something wrong! You obviously made a mistake in judgement! Nobody, I mean, nobody messes with Sandra Clark!

Donna Dalton:
What are you so upset about? You got a 100 guys calling you!

Sandra:
[defiantly] Well, today's it's 99.

Rose Lee:
Mary, now you know I am a very understanding person.

Sandra:
HA!

Rose Lee:
But I told Sandra if she didn't have that rent money by the end of the week, she was out of here!

Sandra:
And after all the favors I've done for her!

Rose Lee:
Favors? What favors?

Sandra:
What about last week? You were feeling kind of low. You spent all that money on a new dress and you didn't know if it was attractive. You came to me for help, and I looked you straight in the eye and said it was gorgeous. [smugly] I lied, Rose.

Rose Lee:
[while interviewing applicants to be Sandra's roommate] Hello, I'm Rose Holloway, the landlady here, and this is Miss Sandra Clark.

Muffin Tee Matthews:
[in a Southern accent] Nice to meet you! Muffin Tee Matthews

Sandra:
Muffin?

Muffin Tee Matthews:
Oh, that's not my real name. I just use it for the beauty pageants.

Sandra:
Beauty pageants?

Muffin Tee Matthews:
And may I say that living with you would be so fufilling and rewarding!

Sandra:
What are you, Miss Congeniality?

Muffin Tee Matthews:
No. I'm Miss Tuscaloosa. And next year, we're going after Miss America. My manager says I'm a perfect 10!

Sandra:
Oh, what a shame!

Muffin Tee Matthews:
Why?

Sandra:
Rose has it in her lease: Two perfect 10's can't share the same apartment. [grabbing Muffin's hand] Oh, I'm so sorry! Oh, thank you! See you on the runway... Miss Tuscaloosa! [pushes Muffin out of the door]

Mary:
[while watching Donna walking, laughing, and flirting with two guys] Um, Madonna? I mean... Donna. I think we need to talk.

Donna Dalton:
Sure, Aunt Mary, what about?

Mary:
[referring to Donna's new look and attitude] About your... your, um... difference.

Donna Dalton:
Oh, I know, isn't it wonderful? I feel like a whole new person! I've never had this much fun in my entire life! I feel so good and confident about myself! Coming to see you and Uncle Lester has been the best thing that's ever happened to me! Oh, I love it here! [kisses Mary on the cheek and walks inside the apartment]

Pearl Shay:
Well, you sure straightened her out.

Rose Lee:
[referring to Sandra] Mary, this woman has got me at the end of my rope!

Sandra:
[muttering] It should be around your neck.

Alexandria DeWitt:
And this must be Brenda.

Brenda:
Yes, Ma'am. I mean, hi.

Alexandria DeWitt:
Brenda, this should be fun. Do you like music?

Brenda:
Oh, I love music!

Alexandria DeWitt:
Good, I brought my entire collection of the Three B's.

Brenda:
What group is that?

Alexandria DeWitt:
Bach, Beethoven, and Brahms.

Brenda:
Oh, I like rap: Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince?

Alexandria DeWitt:
Oh, honey, you'll grow out of it.

Alexandria DeWitt:
And you must be...

Sandra:
Oh, I'm Madame Curie.

Alexandria DeWitt:
Oh, you're much prettier than she.

Sandra:
Ah! Give this kid a Nobel prize!

Alexandria DeWitt:
Oh, she won one of those for the betterment of mankind.

Sandra:
Oh, gee! We both work for the same cause!

Alexandria DeWitt:
Now Brenda, would you kindly show me to my room?

Brenda:
You mean, MY room.

Alexandria DeWitt:
[in a disgusted tone] You mean, we're SHARING?

Brenda:
Well, actually, the hall closet is empty.

Rose Lee:
[discussing Sandra's sexy outfit] She was dressed in mourning.

Mary:
Yeah. First time I've ever seen a black armband used as a skirt.

[last lines]

Ann Davis:
[after explaining about Ron and his death] I got three other kids at home I have to worry about, and I don't know what to do! Please! Tell me what to do!

Mary Jenkins:
[noticing Pearl upset with Calvin] What's the matter, Pearl?

Pearl Shay:
We have a little problem about where Calvin's going to spend the next few years.

Mary Jenkins:
[chuckles] Oh, is that all? There's lot of good colleges around.

Pearl Shay:
Yeah, and there's also Joliet, Sing Sing, and San Quentin.

Sandra:
This was going to be one of my top three dates of the year. He's an ideal man: tall, dark and wealthy. And he's out there somewhere lookin' for me.

Rose Lee:
Sandra, I'm sure he gave up hours ago.

Sandra:
Rose, you've obviously never been on a date with me.