Almost Famous

Russell Hammond:
I am a golden god!

Russell Hammond:
I never said I was a golden god... or did I?

Russell Hammond:
I'm telling secrets to the one guy you don't tell secrets to.

Polexia Aphrodisia:
Let's deflower the kid.

Lester Bangs:
The only true currency in this bankrupt world... is what you share with someone else when you're uncool.

Russell Hammond:
And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine that my last words were... I'm on drugs!

William Miller:
Russell! I think we should work on those last words!

Russell Hammond:
I got it, I got it. Last words: I dig music.

Russell Hammond:
I'm on drugs!

Penny Lane:
You're too sweet for rock and roll.

William Miller:
Sweet? Where do you get off? Where do you get sweet? I am dark and mysterious, and I am PISSED OFF! I could be very dangerous to all of you! And you should know that about me... I am THE ENEMY!

Sapphire:
Can you believe these new girls? None of them use birth control and they eat all the steak!

William Miller:
Do you have to be depressed to write a sad song? Do you have to be in love to write a love song? Is a song better when it really happened to you? Like "Love Thing," where did you write that and who was it about?

Russell Hammond:
When did you get so professional?

Anita Miller:
FECK YOU!

Elaine Miller:
HEY!

Anita Miller:
This is a house of lies!

Elaine Miller:
Well there it is, your sister used the "F" word.

William Miller:
I think she said "feck."

Elaine Miller:
What's the difference?

William Miller:
The letter "u."

Dennis Hope:
If you think that Mick Jagger will still be doing the whole rock star thing at age fifty, well, then, you are sorely, sorely mistaken.

Ben Fong-Torres:
A Mo-Jo, it's a very high-tech machine that transmits pages over the telephone! It only takes eighteen minutes a page!

Penny Lane:
I always tell the girls never take it seriously. If you never take it seriously then you never get hurt. If you never get hurt then you always have fun, and if you ever get lonely you can just go to the record store and visit your friends.

Russell Hammond:
I hurt the flower.

Penny Lane:
Never take it seriously, you never get hurt. Never get hurt, you can always have fun. And if you ever get lonely, you just go to the record store and visit all your friends.

Penny Lane:
How old are you?

William Miller:
Eighteen.

Penny Lane:
Me too! How old are we really?

William Miller:
Seventeen.

Penny Lane:
Me too!

William Miller:
Actually, I'm sixteen.

Penny Lane:
Me too. Isn't it funny? The truth just sounds different.

William Miller:
I'm fifteen.

Jeff Bebe:
Is it that hard to make us look cool?

Polexia Aphrodisia:
It's all happening!

William Miller:
I have to go home.

Penny Lane:
You are home.

William Miller:
I love you. And I'm about to boldly go where... many men have gone before.

Jeff Bebe:
"Rock 'n' roll can save the world"? "The chicks are great"? I sound like a dick!

Ben Fong-Torres:
You're not there to party. We've already got *one* Hunter Thompson.

Anita Miller:
This song explains why I'm leaving home to become a stewardess.

Lester Bangs:
Of course I'm home. I'm always home. I'm uncool.

Elaine Miller:
Rock stars have kidnapped my son!

William Miller:
Don't you have any regular friends?

Penny Lane:
Famous people are just more interesting.

Lester Bangs:
So, you're the one who's been sending me those articles from your school newspaper.

William Miller:
I've been doing some stuff for a local underground paper, too.

Lester Bangs:
What, are you like the star of your school?

William Miller:
They hate me.

Lester Bangs:
You'll meet them all again on their long journey to the middle.

Lester Bangs:
You CANNOT make friends with the rock stars. That's what's important. If you're a rock journalist - first, you will never get paid much. But you will get free records from the record company. And they'll buy you drinks, you'll meet girls, they'll try to fly you places for free, offer you drugs... I know. It sounds great. But they are not your friends. These are people who want you to write sanctimonious stories about the genius of the rock stars, and they will ruin rock and roll and strangle everything we love about it.

Russell Hammond:
Write what you want.

William Miller:
"That groupie"? She was a Band-Aid! All she did was love your band. And you used her, all of you! You used her and threw her away! She almost died last night while you were with Bob Dylan. You guys, you're always talking about the fans, the fans, the fans; she was your biggest fan, and you threw her away! And if you can't see that, that's your biggest problem. And I love her! I love her!

Elaine Miller:
May I speak with William, please?

Sapphire:
He's not here. I think he's in the bar with the band. They just got back from the radio station. Is this Maryann with the pot?... Hello?

Elaine Miller:
No, this isn't Maryann with the pot. This is Elaine. His mother. Could you please give him a message? Could you tell him to call home immediately? And could you also tell him - I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

Sapphire:
All right. But I'm just going to say this, and I'm going to stand by it: you should be really proud of him. 'Cause I know guys, and I'll bet you do too. And he respects women, and he likes women, and let's just pause and appreciate a man like that. You created him out of thin air, and you raised him right, and we're all looking out for him. He's doing a great job, and don't worry - he's still a virgin. And that's more than I've ever said to my own parents, so there you go... This is the maid speaking, by the way.

William Miller:
Please don't give him any more acid.

Russell Hammond:
You, Aaron, are what it's all about. You're real. Your room is real. Your friends are real. Real, man, real. You know? Real. You're more important than all the silly machinery. Silly machinery. And you know it! In eleven years its going to be 1984, man. Think about that!

Aaron:
Wanna see me feed a mouse to my snake?

Russell Hammond:
Yes.

Sapphire:
They don't even know what it is to be a fan. Y'know? To truly love some silly little piece of music, or some band, so much that it hurts.

William Miller:
So Russell... what do you love about music?

Russell Hammond:
To begin with, everything.

Sapphire:
Just think, any other city and you'd still be a virgin.

Elaine Miller:
Look at this: an entire generation of Cinderellas and no glass slipper.

Penny Lane:
We are not groupies. Groupies sleep with Rock Stars because they want to be near someone famous. We're here because of the music. We are band aids.

Lester Bangs:
Don't let those swill merchants rewrite you.

Russell Hammond:
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm interested in.

Russell Hammond:
And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine that my last words were... I'm on drugs!

William Miller:
Russell! I think we should work on those last words!

Russell Hammond:
I got it, I got it. Last words: I dig music. I'm on drugs!

William Miller:
When and where does this "real world" occur?

Jeff Bebe:
Some people have a hard time explaining rock 'n' roll. I don't think anyone can really explain rock 'n' roll. Except Pete Townshend, but that's okay. Rock 'n' roll is a lifestyle and a way of thinking... and it's not about money and popularity. Although, some money would be nice. But it's a voice that says, "Here I am... and f*** you if you can't understand me." And one of these people is gonna save the world. And that means that rock 'n' roll can save the world... all of us together. And the chicks are great. But what it all comes down to is that thing. The indefinable thing when people catch something in your music.

Dennis Hope:
I don't make the rain. I just have the best umbrella.

Elaine Miller:
Adolescence is a marketing ploy.

Lester Bangs:
Oh man, you made friends with 'em. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong.

William Miller:
Well, it was fun.

Lester Bangs:
Because they make you feel cool, and hey, I met you. You are not cool.

Elaine Miller:
Keep the small bills on the outside and call me if anyone gets drunk.

William Miller:
I will call you if anyone *anywhere* gets drunk.

Penny Lane:
Look - you should be happy for me. You don't know what he says to me in private. Maybe it is love - as much as it can be...

Russell Hammond:
Well William, we've been across the entire country and did everything to you except get you laid.

Russell Hammond:
Really? No!

Topeka Kid:
You're Russell from Stillwater.

Russell Hammond:
Well, yeah, on my better days, I am Russell from Stillwater.

Russell Hammond:
Can we just skip the vibe, and go straight to us laughing about this?

Jeff Bebe:
Yeah, okay.

Russell Hammond:
Because I can see by your face you want to get into it.

Jeff Bebe:
How can you tell? I'm just one of the out-of-focus guys.

Russell Hammond:
You know, I think we both wanted to, uh, to be with her. I guess she wanted us to be together.

Russell Hammond:
Your mom kinda freaked me out.

Penny Lane:
We are not Groupies. We are here because of the music, we inspire the music. We are Band Aids.

Jeff Bebe:
It's okay! I'm easy to forget! Just leave me behind! I'm only the f***ing lead singer!

Lester Bangs:
And then it just becomes an industry of... cool.

Penny Lane:
I've made a decision, I'm gonna live in Morocco for one year. I need a new crowd. Do you wanna come?

William Miller:
Yes! Yeah.

Penny Lane:
Are you sure?

William Miller:
Ask me again.

Penny Lane:
Do you wanna come?

William Miller:
Yes! Yes.

Polexia Aphrodisia:
Forgive me father, for I may sin tonight.

Anita Miller:
Listen to Tommy with a candle burning, and you'll see your future.

Russell Hammond:
Give me your address. This time, I'm coming to you.

Russell Hammond:
Don't worry, no one's getting hurt here. She knows Leslie's coming to New York tomorrow. This is the circus, everybody's trying not to go home. Stop looking at me like that.

Jeff Bebe:
He was never a person, he was a journalist!

Jeff Bebe:
You know I do? I connect. I get people off. I look for that one guy that's not getting off, and I MAKE him get off!

Ed:
F*** it! I'm... I'm gay!

William Miller:
Please stop giving him acid!

William Miller:
Yeah.

William Miller:
I know.

Lester Bangs:
Jim Morrison is a drunken buffoon posing as a poet. Give me the Guess Who. They have the courage to BE drunken buffoons, which MAKES them poetic.

[Anita is trying to sneak into the house without being heard, but a bell on the door handle falls.]

Elaine:
Anita?

Anita:
Hi Mom.

Elaine:
You hungry? I made soy cutlets.

Anita:
No thanks, I already ate.

[Elaine gets close to Anita's face.]

Elaine:
You've been kissing.

Anita:
No I haven’t.

Elaine:
Yes you have, I can tell.

Anita:
You can’t tell.

Elaine:
Not only can I tell I know who it is.

[Anita starts to walk away.]

Elaine:
Whatcha’ got under your coat?

[Anita removes the Simon and Garfunkel record she was hiding under her coat, and hands it to Elaine.]

Anita:
It’s unfair we can’t listen to our own music.

Elaine:
That is because it is about drugs and promiscuous sex.

Anita:
Simon and Garfunkel is poetry.

Elaine:
Yes, it is poetry about drugs and promiscuous sex. Honey, they’re on pot.

Anita:
First it was butter, then sugar, white flour, bacon, eggs, bologna; then it was celebrating Christmas, on a day in September, when you knew it wouldn’t be commercialized. What else are you gonna ban?

Elaine:
I am trying to give you the cliff notes on how to live life in this world.

Anita:
We’re like nobody else I know!

Elaine:
[to herself] I’m a college professor, why can’t I teach my own kids. Use me.

Anita:
Darrell says that you use knowledge to keep me down. He says that I’m a yes person and you are trying to raise us in a no environment!

Elaine:
Well, clearly no is a word Darrell doesn’t hear often.

Anita:
[Frustrated and yelling] I can’t live here! I hate you, even William hates you!

William:
I don’t hate her.

Anita:
You do hate her; you don’t even know the truth.

Elaine:
Honey, don’t be a drama queen.

Anita:
Feck you!!

Elaine:
Hey!!

Anita:
This is a house of lies! [Storms off to her bedroom.]

Elaine:
There it is. Your sister used the F word.

William:
I think she said feck.

Elaine:
What’s the difference?

William:
The letter U.

Lester Bangs:
What, are you like the star of your school?

William:
They hate me.

Lester Bangs:
You'll meet them all again on their long journey to the middle.

William:
[on the phone with his mother, Elaine] I'm fine! I'm fine! I'm flying back on Monday morning. I'll only miss one test. I'll make it up.

Russell:
Tell her you're a slave to the groove. You can't help it!

William:
[to Russell] No. [Russell reaches for the phone] No, Russell... Russell, no! [Russell grabs the phone.]

Russell:
Hi, Mom, it's Russell Hammond! I play guitar in Stillwater. It's my fault. How does it feel to be the mother of the future of rock journalism?... Hello? [Elaine says nothing.] You've got a great kid. Nothing to worry about. We're taking care of him. And you should come to a show some time — join the circus!

Elaine:
Listen to me: your charm doesn't work on me. I'm onto you. Of course you like him.

Russell:
Well, yeah.

Elaine:
He worships you people! And that's fine with you, as long as he helps make you rich.

Russell:
Rich? I don't think so—

Elaine:
Listen to me. He's a smart, goodhearted, 15-year-old kid with infinite potential. This is not some apron-wearing mother you're talking to. I know about your Valhalla of decadence, and I shouldn't have let him go. He is not ready for your world of compromised values and diminished brain cells that you throw away like confetti. Am I speaking clearly to you?

Russell:
[stands up straight] Yes, ma'am.

Elaine:
If you break his spirit, harm him in any way, keep him from his chosen profession — which is law, something you may not value, but I do — you will meet the voice on the other end of this telephone, and it will not be pretty. Do we understand each other?

Russell:
Uh, yes, ma'am.

Elaine:
I didn't ask for this role, but I'll play it. Now go do your best. "Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid." Goethe said that. It's not too late for you to be a person of substance, Russell. Get my son home safely. You know, I'm glad we spoke. [hangs up on Russell, who is speechless]

Russell:
[calling out to William from a rooftop, overlooking a crowd surrounding a pool] And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine that my last words were... I'm on drugs!

[The crowd cheers.]

William :
Russell! I think we should work on those last words!

Russell:
I got it, I got it. This is better. Last words: I dig music. [A few people clap.] I'm on drugs! [The crowd cheers.]

Lester Bangs:
Aw, man. You made friends with them. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong.

William:
Well, it was fun.

Lester Bangs:
Because they make you feel cool, and hey, I met you. You are not cool.

William:
I know. Even when I thought I was, I knew I wasn't.

Lester Bangs:
That's because we're uncool. And while women will always be a problem for us, most of the great art in the world is about that very same problem. Good-looking people don't have any spine. Their art never lasts. They get the girls, but we're smarter.

William:
I can really see that now.

Lester Bangs:
Yeah, great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love... and let's face it, you got a big head start.

William:
I'm glad you were home.

Lester Bangs:
I'm always home. I'm uncool.

William:
Me too!

Lester Bangs:
The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we're uncool.

William:
I feel better.

Lester Bangs:
My advice to you. I know you think those guys are your friends. You wanna be a true friend to them? Be honest, and unmerciful.

Lester Bangs:
You know, because once you go to L.A., you're gonna have friends like crazy. But they're gonna be fake friends. You know, they're gonna try to corrupt you. You got an honest face, and they're gonna tell you everything. But you cannot make friends with the rock stars...If you're gonna be a true journalist -- you know, a rock journalist -- first, you never get paid much. But you will get free records from the record company. Jesus. F***ing nothing about you that is controversial, man. God, it's gonna get ugly, man. They're gonna buy you drinks. You're gonna meet girls, they're gonna try to fly you places for free, offer you drugs. I know. It sounds great, but these people are not your friends. You know, these are people who want you to write sanctimonious stories about the genius of rock stars. And they will ruin rock 'n' roll, and strangle everything we love about it, right? You know, because they're trying to buy respectability for a form that is gloriously and righteously dumb. Now, you're smart enough to know that. And the day it ceases to be dumb is the day that it ceases to be real, right? And then it just becomes an industry of cool. I'm-I'm telling ya, you're comin' along at a very dangerous time for rock 'n' roll. I mean, the war is over. They won. And 99% of what passes for rock 'n' roll these days, silence is more compelling. That's why I think you should just turn around and go back, you know, and be a lawyer or somethin'. But I can tell from your face that you won't. I can give you 35 bucks. Give me a thousand words on Black Sabbath...Hey, you have to make your reputation on being honest and, uh, you know, unmerciful...If you get into a jam, you can call me. I stay up late.

Lester Bangs:
Great art is about guilt and longing and, you know, love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love.

Jeff Bebe:
Show me any guy who ever said he didn't want to be popular, and I'll show you a scared guy. I've studied the entire history of music. Most of the time, the best stuff is the popular stuff. It's much safer to say popularity sucks, because that allows you to forgive yourself if you suck. And I don't forgive myself. Do you?

Elaine Miller:
Don't take drugs!