Gigli

Ricki:
It's turkey time.

Larry Gigli:
Huh?

Ricki:
Gobble, gobble.

Larry Gigli:
Don't tell me what we're supposed to do!

Ricki:
How about this? You leave him alone or I'll kill you.

Larry Gigli:
You'll kill me? F*** you, go ahead!

Ricki:
I'll kill you.

Larry Gigli:
You don't tell me what to do, okay? Don't tell me what we might do, don't tell me what we're supposed to do, don't tell me what we maybe should do, don't ever tell me nothing!

Ricki:
I'll tell you this. You leave him alone or I'll kill you

Mother:
Is she your sweetheart?

Larry Gigli:
Ma.

Ricki:
She thinks I'm beautiful.

Larry Gigli:
Yeah, well, she's blind in one eye.

Det. Stanley Jacobellis:
Man, you know what I'd love to do, right now? Go down to Marie Callender's, get me a big bowl, pie, some ice cream on it, mmm-hmm good! Put some on your head! Your tongue would slap your brains out trying to get to it! INTERESTED? SURE?

Larry Gigli:
Mr. Starkman...

Starkman:
I KNOW MY F***IN' NAME. You piece of sh*t. You don't try to extort a Federal-f***in'-Prosecutor. And if you do, YOU DON'T F*** AROUND.

Larry Gigli:
You see, after all is said and done, the only thing you can be really sure of, the only thing you can really count on in this world, is that you just never f***ing know.

Larry Gigli:
Lemme tell you something, in every relationship, there's a bull and a cow. It just so happens that in this relationship, right here with me and you, I'm the bull, you're the cow. Alright?

Larry Gigli:
Bull.

Larry Gigli:
Cow. You got that?

Ricki:
Yeah, I got it. Bull, cow.

Larry:
You know something? You're right. It is sadness. Its sadness and I'm f***ing sad. You got me. You're a genius. You know why I'm f***ing sad? Because I got this f***ing beautiful-sexy-gorgeous-hearthrob-o-rama-f***ing-smart-amazing-bombshell-seventeen-on a f***ing ten scale- girl sleeping in a bed right next to me and you know what? She's a stone cold dike. A f***ing untouchable, unhaveable, unattainable brick wall f***ing dike-a-saurus rexi. So its sad. Okay? What you want me to do? I feel f***ing sadness about that. There's nothing I can f***ing do.

Larry:
And not only is she a major babe, but I really like this girl a lot, a lot, I mean she's not like anybody else I ever knew before and that's a completely f***ing new one on me, and I don't even know her real f***ing name so there you go. Oh and in case you're interested, my life sucks. Alright? Stick a fork in me I'm done.

Starkman:
Louis, you wanna go to medical school?

Louis:
Medical school?

Starkman:
Yeah! Students there can always use something to learn on!

Mother:
Remember you two, keep an open mind because you never know!

Starkman:
What do you morons think, that this is little Italy? Wake up! THIS IS THE TWENTY-F***IN'-FIRST CENTURY!

Starkman:
So now, things are bad.

Larry Gigli:
If by some f***in' miracle long shot you haven't heard of my reputation let me tell you who the f*** I am! I am the f***in' Sultan of Slick, Sadie! I am the rule of f***in' cool! You wanna be a gangster? You wanna be a thug? You sit at my f***in' feet and gather the pearls that emanate forth from me! Because I'm the f***in' original, straight-first-foremost, pimp-mack, f***in hustler, original gangster's gangster!

Ricki:
I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm gonna go get my stuff.

Larry Gigli:
Yeah?

Robin:
Who the f*** are you?

Larry Gigli:
Who the f*** are *you*?

Larry Gigli:
Excuse me.

Robin:
What a shithole.

Larry Gigli:
Lady, I think you're in the wrong place.

Robin:
No, you're in the wrong place! You have no idea.

Robin:
Oh, and who the f*** are you?

Brian:
You're the f*** are you.

Robin:
What?

Brian:
Huh?

Larry Gigli:
This must be mental-f***in'-illness week!

Ricki:
Like your mother said, life's not always black and white. Sometimes you just never know.

Larry Gigli:
Are you driving, or are you bullshitting?

Ricki:
I'm driving.

Det. Stanley Jacobellis:
Your door's not thick enough to pretend you're not home when you're home.

Larry Gigli:
What?

Ricki:
You know, I bet you'd look great in some mascara.

Larry Gigli:
I'm not sure how to take that.

Ricki:
It's a compliment.

Larry Gigli:
My name, it's pronounced "Gigli", it rhymes with "really".

Larry Gigli:
As far as the whole lesbian thing goes.

Ricki:
Yeah?

Larry Gigli:
If you do ever think about hoppin' the fence, promise you'll give me a call first.