Gosford Park

Mrs. Wilson:
Not much of a crime to stab a dead man, is it? They can never touch him. That's what's important, his life.

Mary Maceachran:
And your life?

Mrs. Wilson:
Didn't you hear me? I'm the perfect servant; I have no life.

Constance:
Me? I haven't a snobbish bone in my body.

Constance:
Has anyone checked her outfit? She's probably in black velvet with a feather in her hair.

Constance:
They're rather a mixed bunch. Mr. Weissman's very odd. Apparently, he produces motion pictures. The Charlie Chan Mysteries. Or does he direct them? I never know the difference. Mary! I guess it's fun having a film star, there's always so little to talk about after the first flush of recognition. And why has Freddy Nesbitt brought that awful common little wife of his? Because Isabel asked him to after another gun dropped out; that's no excuse to inflict her on us all. Mary... Tomorrow, I'll have breakfast in bed, and then get straight up into the tweeds. What shirt have you brought?

Mary Maceachran:
This green one with the pink stripe.

Constance:
Oh no dear, no. No, that's quite wrong. Always something very plain for country sports - the one I wore today will do.

Mary Maceachran:
But it's soiled.

Constance:
Well you can wash it, can't you?

Constance:
Tell me, how longer are you going to go on making films?

Ivor Novello:
I suppose that rather depends on how much longer the public want to see me in them.

Constance:
It must be hard to know when it's time to throw in the towel... What a pity about that last one of yours... what was it called? "The Dodger"?

Ivor Novello:
The Lodger.

Constance:
Oh. It must be so disappointing when something just *flops* like that.

Mary Maceachran:
Nobody can stab a corpse and not know it.

Robert Parks:
Really? When was the last time you stabbed a corpse?

Constance:
Could you imagine someone being hanged because of something I said.

Mary Maceachran:
I know. And what purpose could it possibly serve?

Sir William McCordle:
And why shouldn't I be interested in films? You don't know what I'm interested in.

Lady Sylvia McCordle:
Well, I know you're interested in money and fiddling with your guns. But I admit it: when it comes to anything else, I'm stumped.

Elsie (Head Housemaid):
Now, that is not fair, Bill is...

Morris Weissman:
Oh, sure. It's called "Charlie Chan In London". It's a detective story.

Mabel Nesbitt:
Set in London?

Morris Weissman:
Well, not really. Most of it takes place at a shooting party in a country house. Sort of like this one, actually. Murder in the middle of the night, a lot of guests for the weekend, everyone's a suspect. You know, that sort of thing.

Constance:
How horrid. And who turns out to have done it?

Morris Weissman:
Oh, I couldn't tell you that. It would spoil it for you.

Constance:
Oh, but none of us will see it.

Henry Denton:
You British really don't have a sense of humor do you?

Elsie (Head Housemaid):
We do if something's funny.

Constance:
Tell me, what happened to William's little maid? I never saw her again after that dinner.

Mary Maceachran:
Elsie?

Constance:
Hmm.

Mary Maceachran:
She's gone.

Constance:
Aw, it's a pity, really. I thought it was a good idea to have someone in the house who is actually sorry he's dead.

Henry Denton:
He's a vegetarian. He doesn't eat meat.

Mrs. Croft:
Doesn't eat meat? He comes to a shooting party and doesn't eat meat?

Mrs. Wilson:
Now, now Mrs. Croft, we don't want to be thought unsophisticated. Mr. Weissman's an American. They do things differently there.

Morris Weissman:
What about Claudette Colbert? She's British, isn't she? Is she, like, affected or is she British?

Henry Denton:
I have a date with a hot glass of milk.

George (First Footman):
I'm desperate for a fag.

Mary Maceachran:
Mr. Parks...

Robert Parks:
Robert.

Mary Maceachran:
Robert. When you said you could surprise me, you didn't mean it, did you?

Robert Parks:
Why? Don't you like surprises?

Raymond Stockbridge:
Do stop snivelling - anyone would think you were Italian.

Mary Maceachran:
What was her family like?

Elsie:
What you'd expect: toffee-nosed and useless. Her father was the Earl of Carton, which sounds good except he didn't have a pot to piss in.

Elsie:
Why do we spend our time living through them? Look at poor old Lewis. If her own mother had a heart attack, she'd think it was less important than one of Lady Sylvia's farts.

Dorothy:
I believe in love. Not just getting it, but giving it. I think that if you're able to love someone, even if they don't know it, even if they can't love you back, then it's worth it.

Lavinia Meredith:
It makes you sound desperate.

Anthony Meredith:
Well, I AM f***ing desperate.

Lavinia Meredith:
I don't care what's changed or not changed as long as our sons are spared what you all went through.

Lady Sylvia McCordle:
Not all. You never fought, did you, William?

Sir William McCordle:
I did my bit.

Louisa Stockbridge:
Of course you did.

Lady Sylvia McCordle:
Well, you made a lot of money but it's not quite the same as charging into the cannon's mouth, is it?

Constance:
Bought marmalade? Oh dear, I call that very feeble.

Raymond Stockbridge:
Well, I think it's ridiculous. I'm here to shoot.

Louisa Stockbridge:
Darling, it's a relief for me to sit next someone who isn't deaf in one ear.

Raymond Stockbridge:
I'm sorry?

Mary Maceachran:
Her Ladyship says Sir William loves his shooting.

Elsie:
Yeah, he does. Can't hit a barn door but he does love it. Sweet, really.

Constance:
Please, don't encourage him

Morris Weissman:
How do you manage these people?

Ivor Novello:
Well, you forget, I make my living impersonating them.

Lady Sylvia McCordle:
What on earth are you wearing?

Isobel McCordle:
Don't you like it? You bought it.

Lady Sylvia McCordle:
Did I? How extraordinary of me.

Constance:
Anyone care for a game of bridge after dinner? Louisa, how about you?

Louisa Stockbridge:
Oh, I don't think so. I've rather gone off cards. I've never been very lucky with them.

Sir William McCordle:
Me too.

Morris Weissman:
You're providing a lot of entertaining for nothing.

Ivor Novello:
Morris... I'm used to it.

Morris Weissman:
Oh, is it like a buffet today?

Baron Raymond Stockbridge:
The Englishman is never waited on at breakfast.

Morris Weissman:
Well, that's interesting, because an American always is.

Morris Weissman:
Thank you, Mr. Jennings.

Mr. Jennings:
It's just Jennings, sir.

Morris Weissman:
Then thank you, Jennings.

Mary Maceachran:
What do I do with her Ladyship's jewels?

Elsie (Head Housemaid):
This way. George is in charge of the safe, he's the first footman and you want to watch where he puts his hands.

Elsie (Head Housemaid):
God, look at this, machine made lace.

Barnes:
Hark at her!

Elsie (Head Housemaid):
I hate cheap clothes. They're twice the work and they never look as good.

Constance:
Mabel is so clever to pack light. Why should one wear a different frock each evening, we're not in a fashion parade.

Mary Maceachran:
Where's Mrs Croft?

George (First Footman):
Always eats with her own staff.

Mary Maceachran:
Does she take her pudding to Mrs Wilson's room? Our cook does that.

George (First Footman):
Fat chance, they hate each other.

Robert Parks:
Can't a man hate his own father?

George (First Footman):
You naughty, naughty girl.

George (First Footman):
What's the matter with you?

Albert:
I just thought *I'd* be dressing Mr Novello.

George (First Footman):
And now you won't get to see him in his underdraws. Better luck next time.

Robert Parks:
Here we go again.

Mary Maceachran:
That's just it. I've never done a real houseparty before. Not properly anyway.

Elsie (Head Housemaid):
How'd you get taken on as a lady's maid if you haven't got any experience?

Mary Maceachran:
She says she wants to train me.

Elsie (Head Housemaid):
Doesn't want to pay for experience you mean.

Ethel:
Why would anyone want to kill Sir William?

Mrs. Croft:
Well, he wasn't Father Christmas.

Constance, Countess of Trentham:
He's still got that vile little dog, I see.

Lady Sylvia McCordle:
Yes, the ones we hate last forever.

Mrs. Croft:
He was a hard-hearted randy old sod.

Robert Parks:
My name is Parks... Robert Parks.

Lady Sylvia McCordle:
Mrs Wilson, a major crisis has arisen. I've just found out that Mr Weissman won't eat meat and I don't know what to do and I can't ask Mrs Croft. I simply don't dare.

Mrs. Wilson:
Oh, everything's under control your ladyship. Mr Weissman's valet informed us as soon as he arrived so we've prepared a special version of the soup, he can eat the fish and the hors d'oeuvres, there'll be a welsh rarebit for the game course, I'm not sure what we're going to do about the entree but we'll think of something.

Lady Sylvia McCordle:
Thank you Mrs Wilson. Ten steps ahead as always. Which one of you is Mr Weissman's valet?

Henry Denton:
I am, your Ladyship.

Lady Sylvia McCordle:
Are you indeed. Yes. Well. Thank you for your...[pause while she takes a good look at him] efficiency.

Lady Sylvia McCordle:
Where's that wretched Mabel?

Lady Trentham:
Has anyone checked her outfit? She's probably in black velvet with a feather in her hair.

Lavinia Meredith:
She's in the morning room looking perfectly normal. Don't be such a snob, Aunt Constance.

Lady Trentham:
Me? I haven't a snobbish bone in my body.

Henry Denton:
Who is it?

Lottie:
Oh, I'm ever so sorry, sir.

Henry Denton:
Sorry for what?

Lottie:
I'm supposed to get the fire lit without waking you.

Henry Denton:
Why does everyone treat me as if I were one of these stupid snobs? I spent half the week downstairs with all of you.

Lottie:
You can't be on both teams at once, sir.

Mrs. Wilson:

What are you doing? Dorothy, get back to work.

Mrs. Croft:

Excuse me. Dorothy is under my jurisdiction as well you know and I say she can listen to a spot of music if she likes.

Lady Trentham:
If there's one thing I don't look for in a maid, it's discretion. Except with my own secrets, of course.

Mrs. Wilson:
What gift do you think a good servant has that separates them from the others? It's the gift of anticipation. And I'm a good servant. I'm better than good. I'm the best. I'm the perfect servant. I know when they'll be hungry and the food is ready. I know when they'll be tired and the bed is turned down. I know it before they know it themselves.