Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Conal Cochran:
You don't really know much about Halloween. You thought no further than the strange custom of having your children wear masks and go out begging for candy.

Harry Grimbridge:
They're going to kill us. All of us! All of us!

Daniel Challis:
I saw something that night... I don't know, your father came into the hospital. He- I thought he was crazy, out of his mind. He's hanging onto a Halloween mask, he wouldn't let it go... And what he said was, "They're gonna kill us all". And in a little while he was dead. And I don't know what the hell is going on!

Ellie Grimbridge:
Irish Halloween masks?

Daniel Challis:
In California, you never know.

Ellie Grimbridge:
I feel like a goldfish.

Daniel Challis:
Company town.

Daniel Challis:
Why Cochran? Why?

Conal Cochran:
Do I need a reason?

Conal Cochran:
I do love a good joke and this is the best ever: a joke on the children.

Conal Cochran:
It will be morning soon. Halloween morning. A very busy day for me.

Daniel Challis:
This place is a zoo!

Marge Guttman:
Damn factory! Got their orders all SCREWED up, and now I have to stay in this dump again!

Harry Grimbridge:
They're coming... They're coming!

Commercial Announcer:
It's almost time, kids. The clock is ticking. Be in front of your TV sets for the Horrorthon, followed by the Big Giveaway. Don't miss it. And don't forget to wear your masks. The clock is ticking. It's almost time.

Conal Cochran:
From an ancient, sacrificial circle... Stonehenge.

Conal Cochran:
Ha ha. We had a TIME getting it here. You wouldn't believe how we did it.

Conal Cochran:
It has a power in it.

Daniel Challis:
Teddy, do me another favor, will you? Find out everything you can about Conal Cochran. He runs Silver Shamrock, the Halloween mask people.

Teddy:
Conal Cochran. Okay, but this is gonna cost you some serious dinners when you get back.

Daniel Challis:
I'm always ready for dinner with you.

Teddy:
Liar. Bye.

Commercial Announcer:
It's time. It's time. Time for the big giveaway. Halloween has come. All you lucky kids with Silver Shamrock masks, gather 'round your TV set, put on your masks and watch. All witches, all skeletons, all Jack-O-Lanterns, gather 'round and watch. Watch the magic pumpkin. Watch...

Buddy Kupfer:
Hey Mr. Cochran, just what is the final processing?

Conal Cochran:
Oh I assure you it's just a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Quality inspection, the seal of approval. You know, the usual. And of course, there's a lot of trade secrets.

Buddy Kupfer:
Oh I'd sure like to take a look.

Conal Cochran:
Aw sorry.

Daniel Challis:
Not even a peek for your best salesman?

Buddy Kupfer:
Just one little look?

Conal Cochran:
Well you see, part of the final processing involves volatile chemicals. They're very dangerous. I wouldn't want to put anybody in any danger.

Buddy Kupfer:
Oh sure, I understand.

Conal Cochran:
And... Happy Halloween.

Conal Cochran:
Clumsy.

Conal Cochran:
This was a rare piece. German. Made in Munich, 1785. I must try and get a replacement.

Commercial Announcer:
Yes kids, you too can own one of the big Halloween three. That's right, THREE horrific masks to chose from. They're fun, they're frightening, and they GLOW in the dark.

Rafferty:
Light packers, aren't you?

Ellie Grimbridge:
We've had a lot of practice.

Daniel Challis:
I've seen lots of people on drugs. The man was in complete control. He looked like a businessman!

Teddy:
Well, he had to be one strong businessman, I can tell you that. You don't just pull someone's skull apart without a little lower-arm strength, know what I mean?

Walter Jones:
He just walked up out of the rain! I swear to God that's all there was to it!

Daniel Challis:
It's getting late. I could use a drink.

Conal Cochran:
It's time again. In the end, we don't decide these things you know, the planets do. They're in alignment and it's time again. The world's going to change tonight, Doctor. I'm glad you'll be able to watch it.

Daniel Challis:
I don't believe this commercial! It never stops!

Conal Cochran:
The surprising thing is that the internal components were quite simple to produce. The outer features took much longer to perfect but of course in the end it's just another form of mask making.

Conal Cochran:
Bless you. Convincing, aren't they? Loyal, obedient. Unlike most human beings.

Starker:
Hey Cochran, f*** you!

Walter Jones:
I was always taught that when someone needs help, you help them. Unless there's trouble. There isn't going to be any trouble is there?

Buddy Kupfer:
Conal Cochran, the all time genius in the practical jokes. He invented sticky toilet paper.

Daniel Challis:
Ah!

Buddy Kupfer:
Oh you must know. The dead dwarf gag, the soft chainsaw, all his.

Daniel Challis:
So, how have you been?

Daniel Challis:
I gotta take this.

Linda Challis:
Drinking and doctoring. Great combination.

Linda Challis:
Children, we leave our food AT the table.

Daniel Challis:
I'm sorry, it's bad timing.

Linda Challis:
I'm used to it. Remember?

Conal Cochran:
It was the start of the year in our old Celtic lands where we'd be waiting... In our houses of wattles and clay... The barriers would be down, you see. Between the real and the unreal. And the dead might be looking in, to sit by our fires of turf... Halloween. The festival of Samhain. The last great one took place 3,000 years ago and the hills ran red... With the blood of animals and children.

Daniel Challis:
Sacrifices.

Conal Cochran:
Part of our world. Our craft.

Daniel Challis:
Witchcraft.

Conal Cochran:
To us it was a way of controlling our environment. It's not so different now. It's time again.

Daniel Challis:
How you been?

Teddy:
Okay. You?

Daniel Challis:
Okay.

Teddy:
Sierra Mesa still making you drink your ass off?

Daniel Challis:
Oh yeah!

Conal Cochran:
Enjoy the horror-thon, doctor... and don't forget to watch the big giveaway afterwards.

Daniel Challis:
Why, Cochran, why?

Conal Cochran:
Do I need a reason? Mr. Kupfer was right, you know... I do love a good joke and this is the best ever, a joke on the children. But there's a better reason... you don't really know much about Halloween... you thought no further than the strange custom of having your children wear masks and go out begging for candy.

Conal Cochran:
It was the start of the year in our old Celtic lands, and we'd be waiting... in our houses of wattles and clay. The barriers would be down, you see, between the real and the unreal, and the dead might be looking in... to sit by our fires of turf. Halloween... the festival of Samhain! The last great one took place three thousand years ago, when the hills ran red... with the blood of animals and children.

Daniel Challis:
Sacrifices.

Conal Cochran:
It was part of our world... our craft.

Daniel Challis:
Witchcraft.

Conal Cochran:
To us, it was a way of controlling our environment. It's not so different now... it's time again. In the end... we don't decide these things, you know... the planets do. They're in alignment, and it's time again. The world's going to change tonight, doctor, I'm glad you'll be able to watch it. And... happy Halloween.

Daniel Challis:
[last lines; on the phone with the TV network; the Silver Shamrock commercial begins] If it goes on, it means the death of millions of people, everyone watching, don't you understand that? Well... well say it's a bomb then, say whatever you want, just get it off the air! Please, you jus... No, no I can't prove it, you gotta believe me! Believe me! Take it off the air now, please! You've got to, it...

Announcer:
[the commercial is interrupted] Please excuse the interruption, we're having technical problems. Please stand by.

[Kid changes channel. The commercial is interrupted]

Announcer:
We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by.

[Kid changes channel again, the commercial plays and shows no signs of stopping]

Daniel Challis:
The third channel, it's still on. Please, take off the third channel. The third channel, it's still running. Stop it, please, for God's sake, please stop it. There's no more time! Please stop it. Stop it now. Turn it off! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT!!!!