Pillow Talk

Jan:
Officer, arrest this man - he's taking me up to his apartment!

Jan:
Mr. Allen, this may come as a surprise to you, but there are some men who don't end every sentence with a proposition.

Brad Allen:
Look, I don't know what's bothering you, but don't take your bedroom problems out on me.

Jan:
I have no bedroom problems. There's nothing in my bedroom that bothers me.

Brad Allen:
Oh-h-h-h. That's too bad.

Jonathan Forbes:
Owww!

Brad Allen:
What?

Jonathan Forbes:
That chair. It just bit me.

Jan:
We're just going to have to live with each other...

Brad Allen:
Well?

Jan:
I was waiting for you to say some off-color remark.

Brad Allen:
Is that all you have on your mind?

Jan:
Never mind my mind! You just stick to your half hour and I'll stick to mine!

Jan:
Well, what am I missing?

Alma:
If you have to ask, you're missing it!

Jonathan Forbes:
You've been crying for 60 miles.

Alma:
If there's anything worse than a woman living alone, it's a woman saying she likes it.

Brad Allen:
I've had hangovers before, but this time, even my hair hurts.

Brad Allen:
Why don't you take her over for the rest of the evening?

Jonathan Forbes:
Me?

Brad Allen:
Yeah! Take her dancing maybe. She's dying to learn how to dance.

Jonathan Forbes:
Wait wait. She doesn't know how to dance?

Brad Allen:
Well naturally, she doesn't get out of the house very often.

Jonathan Forbes:
What do you mean, "naturally"?

Brad Allen:
Jonathan, believe me, you and Moose - I mean Miss Taggett will get along...

Jonathan Forbes:
"Moose"?

Jan:
At least my problems can be solved in one bedroom. You couldn’t solve yours in a thousand!

Jan:
Officer, arrest this man - he's taking me up to his apartment!

Police Officer:
Well, I can't say that I blame him, miss.

[Jan and Brad are on the phone discussing a phone schedule]

Jan:
We'll just have to try living with each other...

[Jan pauses, waiting for a response]

Brad:
Well?

Jan:
I was waiting for you to make some off-color remark.

Brad:
Miss Morrow, is that all you have on your mind?

Jan:
Never mind my mind! You just stick to your half-hour and I'll stick to mine!

Brad:
Why don't you take her over for the rest of the evening?

Jonathan:
Me?

Brad:
Yeah! Take her dancing maybe. She's dying to learn how to dance.

Jonathan:
Wait wait. She doesn't know how to dance?

Brad:
Well naturally, she doesn't get out of the house very often.

Jonathan:
What do you mean, "naturally"?

Brad:
Jonathan, believe me, you and Moose - I mean Miss Taggett will get along...

Jonathan:
"Moose"?

Brad:
So what the girl picks up a nickname? You know, how cruel kids can be. Especially, when someone is a little different.

Jonathan:
Different? How different?

Brad:
Well... You know. [hesitatingly points to face] Just different.

Jonathan:
[Pointing to a fat lady sitting at a table] That couldn't be her, could it?

Brad:
How can you tell?

[waves at the lady, who waves back]

Brad:
See, she's so friendly. C'mon.

Jonathan:
Oh no! Its your moose. Happy Hunting!

[Jonathan leaves]

Brad:
Yes, indeed.

Jonathan:
Brad, she is the sweetest, she is the loveliest, she is the most talented woman I have ever met.

Brad:
That's what you said when you married that stripper.

Jonathan:
She wasn't a stripper. She was an exotic dancer... with trained doves.

Brad:
[on the phone pretending to be Rex] Am I gonna see you tonight?

Jan:
I'd love to Rex, but I already have a date.

Brad:
Who with?

Jan:
A client. You don't know him. Jonathan Forbes.

Brad:
Of course, you're not the kind of girl who would break a date.

Jan:
No I'm not.

Brad:
And I ain't the kinda guy who'd ask you to.

Jan:
I know you're not.

Brad:
I'll pick you up at 8.

Jan:
I'll be ready.

Jan Morrow:
Wonder how it would be to have someone to pillow talk with me?

Jan Morrow:
If you'll excuse me, I better go to the powder moon. I mean room. Fix my lipstick.

Jan Morrow:
I'm yours tonight. My darling possess me.

Jan Morrow:
Can you believe that? They sent a woman. That's like sending a marshmallow to put out a bonfire.

Brad Allen:
Why did I spend a fortune having this apartment done over? Why did I cut myself off from every girl I know? Why does any man destroy himself? Because he thinks he's getting married!