Absolutely Anything

[Dennis barks]

Neil Clarke:
What are you talking about, Dennis?... Dennis, shut up, I can handle this!... Dennis, what are you talking about? Actually, that is a really good point, what are you talking about? Dennis, be able to speak!

Dennis:
Biscuits!

Neil Clarke:
What?

Dennis:
Biscuits! For crying out loud, they're in the cupboard!

Neil Clarke:
I'm not going to give you a biscuit until you answer my question!

Dennis:
Biscuits! Bread biscuits, black biscuits!

Neil Clarke:
Is that all you think about?

Dennis:
Nothing else matters! Biscuits, please!

Neil Clarke:
Dennis, become a rational thinking creature!

Dennis:
Look, I just can't concentrate on anything till I've had one of those biscuits! I know it's crazy, but that's how it is. I guess I'm kinda hooked on them. So please, give me just one biscuit, and I'll be able to think about something else!

Neil Clarke:
That makes sense. [goes to the cupboard]

Dennis:
Oh, he's getting the biscuits! He's getting the biscuits!

Neil Clarke:
[feeds Dennis] God, it must be terrible being a dog! I never knew you had so many cravings!

Dennis:
It's no worse than you and that b*tch!

Neil Clarke:
What b*tch?

Dennis:
The b*tch you were shagging last night!

Neil Clarke:
Oh my god, she's not a b*tch, she's a lovely human female! And we weren't shagging!

Dennis:
Yes, you were!

Neil Clarke:
No we weren't, we were talking!

Dennis:
Talking about shagging!

Neil Clarke:
No!

Dennis:
What else is there to talk about?

Dennis:
I wouldn't mind shagging your leg right now...

Neil Clarke:
I thought I turned you into a rational thinking creature!

Dennis:
Rational thinking creature still have desires!

Neil Clarke:
We'll soon deal with that...

Dennis:
NO! Don't take my desires away from me!

Neil Clarke:
Why not?

Dennis:
They wouldn't make my life worth living! Biscuits, shagging!

Neil Clarke:
I don't think I like your conversation!

Dennis:
But I worship you, master! I love you so much! I can't bear displeasing you! My whole world collapses when you're cross with me!

[on hearing the bell, Dennis gets excited]

Neil Clarke:
Dennis, listen! Listen, listen, listen! Be quiet! That is an order!

Dennis:
Right! Right! I like obeying orders, especially your orders!

Neil Clarke:
Good. Then shut the f*** up!... Good boy.

Dennis:
Okay... okay... shut the f*** up...

Neil Clarke:
I could solve every problem in the world!

Dennis:
Have you thought this thing through?

Neil Clarke:
Let everybody who died be alive again! [the living dead rise up]

Neil Clarke:
Give me a body that people find attractive! [He turns into a topless woman] No! A male body! Give me the body of a great man! [Turns into Albert Einstein] No! Give me the body of a man who people find attractive! [Turns into a hunky guy] Better.

Neil Clarke:
I can do ANYTHING! Okay... bu... but... what do I *really* want? [Looks down and laughs] GIVE ME A REALLY BIG DICK! [Falls over] Augh! ouch! NOT *THAT* BIG! Obviously! Dick, return to your old size! [Gets up] Agh! Ah... Ok. Um... Let me have a penis that women find exciting! [Looks down] Yeah, it's good, yeah. Could I have it white?

Neil Clarke:
[Gets knocked off his bike by a car] Screw you! [the driver of the car sudden feels an invisible person having sex with him]