Animal Precinct

ASPCA Supervisory Special Investigator for Humane Law Enforcement:
[about the owner of a mistreated horse] He thinks he's a cowboy and this is the wild, wild west.

Himself - ASPCA Special Agent for Humane Law Enforcement:
I just exhausted, uh, every reasonable argument and I'm not gonna stand here and debate with this guy.

Himself - ASPCA Special Agent for Humane Law Enforcement:
I mean, this is how reasonable the guy is, look at the sign that says "no parking at any time".... look where the van is. I mean, you know, he thinks he's Clarence Darrow, he's gonna go on and on and on.

Mike Geller:
[as if he's reciting from an old movie] You got yourself a ducy there, Mr. Pentangelo!

ASPCA Special Agent for Humane Law Enforcement:
[when investigating a former dog-fighting location where there are dead Pitbulls] When I told you it was a house of death, I wasn't kidding, it really, truly is. You know... one... two... three, and there's probably more that's just blending in with the rest of this junk.

ASPCA Special Agent for Humane Law Enforcement:
There's definitely a... severe problems with these kids that do this, I mean, they have no remorse for... no regard for life what so ever, they'll fight 'em just on a challenge. You know, one friend coming home from school and "My dog is better than your dog!"... "Yeah, yeah, I meet you back here in ten minutes" and... that's it, they're off and fightin'.

ASPCA Special Agent for Humane Law Enforcement:
Well, I'm gonna give you my card and I want you to give it your brother and if I don't hear from your brother I'm gonna go and talk to him in the school and then he's gonna look real foolish when he could just... contact me.

Herself - ASPCA Special Agent for Humane Law Enforcement:
This isn't a job a lot of people can do, you know, a lot of people would get... it would get to them, too quickly.

ASPCA Special Agent for Humane Law Enforcement:
That's right, the animals can't speak, and we have to, try and find the words for the animals. The best part is, getting the animal before it's tortured to death. Getting the animal, saving it, having the hospital... you know, work their wonders on it and have it placed in a good home... is, really the best part, but the gravy, is when we have enough evidence, to lock this person up.

Himself - ASPCA Special Investigator for Humane Law Enforcement:
[sarcastically] Another day at the OK Corral [laughs] ... gotta love it.

Himself - ASPCA Special Agent for Humane Law Enforcement:
[when arresting a person for not getting treatment for his paw-infected dog] I mean, you left this dog like this, it's like sayin', you got a cut on your arm, you have an infection! Would you go to the doctor? Would you wait?... A year? No!

Herself - ASPCA Special Agent for Humane Law Enforcement:
We're done here but no more rabbits. Keep the boys away from the girls.

Himself - ASPCA Special Investigator for Humane Law Enforcement:
Good little van though, I had one, I really enjoyed it.

Himself - ASPCA Special Agent for Humane Law Enforcement:
Did you keep your dogs in it?

Himself - ASPCA Special Investigator for Humane Law Enforcement:
None of your business.

Himself - ASPCA Special Agent for Humane Law Enforcement:
It *is* my business.

ASPCA Special Agent for Humane Law Enforcement:
[about a starved Dalmatian dog] She's supermodel slim.

ASPCA Special Agent for Humane Law Enforcement:
It looks like a list of things that they were bringing along with them when they were moving, the beds, the couch, the stereo. Where's it say their dog? Nowhere... a few chairs... they got everything but their dog.

Himself - ASPCA Special Agent for Humane Law Enforcement:
[to a female dog] You're the prettiest girl I've uhh... been around for a while!

Himself - ASPCA Special Investigator for Humane Law Enforcement:
[while pointing his finger] You gotta do what he's tellin' you to do.

ASPCA Supervisory Special Investigator for Humane Law Enforcement:
There's two things that help us get through the day - that we take the animal out of a horrible situation and hopefully into a new home, where he's happy and healthy, and the other thing is getting the bad guy. I mean, that's a great feeling, to uh, arrest somebody for doing something horrible to an animal, because it is horrible and there's no reason for it and... I will *never*, never accept somebody abusing an animal in any way. You can never give me an excuse.

ASPCA Supervisory Special Investigator for Humane Law Enforcement:
We know that we can't save them all... but it's a great feeling at the end of the day, to know that you *have* done your best to save as many animals as you can... and I think we all sleep pretty well at night knowing that. We've done our best. We've worked hard. We love animals... and, we love getting the bad guy and that's what it's all about.

Narrator:
New York City... 8 million people... 5 million pets... 15 animal cruelty agents with full police powers... Welcome, to the Animal Precinct.