Animaniacs

Wakko:
Why does Mr. Plotz want to see me?

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Because you ate his conference table, Wakko.

Wakko:
But I was HUNGRY.

[Wakko & Scratchensniff are trapped in an elevator]

Wakko:
Wanna hear a knock-knock joke?

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Ok.

Wakko:
Knock-knock.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Who's there?

Wakko:
Max.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Max who?

Wakko:
Max wants to come in an' go crazy.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
See, that's not funny because it's not really a joke.

Wakko:
It is if you know Max.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
But I DON'T know Max.

Wakko:
If you did you'd be laughin'.

Wakko:
I think we deserve a spanking, right on our fanny.

Dot:
Boys. Go fig.

Dot:
I'm going to hurt my brother badly.

Dot:
Oh, oh, my heart aches with the sorrow of a thousand scouts. No merit badge. I mourn my loss.

Yakko:
Say, those acting classes are really paying off.

Yakko Warner:
We protest you calling us "little kids". We prefer to be called "vertically-impaired pre-adults".

Yakko:
We'd love to stay here and count our brain cells as they die one-by-one.

Dot:
But we can't.

Ned Flat:
Why are you acting like this?

Yakko:
We're not acting. We really are like this.

Mr. Director:
Hoyl! How'd you... with the going... you were there... but here now... you are... for me to see... how'd you do...

Yakko:
You understand any of that?

Wakko:
I think he said: "Hoyl! How'd you... with the going... you were there... but here now... you are... for me to see... how'd you do...

Yakko:
Thanks for clearing that up.

Arch Bishop:
King Yakko, your throne.

Wakko Warner:
The throne? How do you lift the lid?

Dot:
Since when do *you* lift the lid?

Dot:
Nice decorating. Let me guess, Satan?

Satan:
And now prepare to suffer indescribable torment.

Yakko:
Another Bob Hope special?

Yakko:
Wait a minute. You expect us poor, innocent children to climb up dangerous scaffolding and paint naked people all over a church?

Wakko, Yakko, Dot:
We'll do it.

Yakko:
But we're not doing it for art. We're not doing it for the sake of money. No! We're doing it because we love painting naked people.

Ivan Bloski:
Shhh. Shhh. Do you know what that means?

Yakko:
You got a slow leak?

Wakko:
Hey, mister, what's this?

Ivan Bloski:
A vomit bag.

Wakko:
Ah, poo. I got gypped. There's none in here.

Wakko, Yakko, Dot:
Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Yakko:
Don't worry, siblings. We'll sell that nice man a box of cookies, or die trying. Or try dying. Or do some tie-dyeing.

Dot:
All we know is that we like you. We have no taste, but we like you.

Yakko:
Alas, poor Yorik!

Dot:
[translating] Woah! Check out Skull Head.

Yakko:
I knew him Horatio: A fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy.

Dot:
[translating] He was funny.

Yakko:
He hath borne me on his back a thousand times.

Dot:
[translating] He gave me piggy back rides.

Yakko:
And now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it.

Dot:
[translating] I'm going to blow chunks.

Yakko:
[kisses Skull Head] Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft.

Dot:
[translating] We kissed a lot. NOT!

Yakko:
Where be your gibes now? Your gamboles? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the table on a roar?

Dot:
[translating] How come you're not funny now?

Yakko:
Not one now to mock your own grinning? Quite chap-fallen?

Dot:
[translating] No one's laughing now and by the way your lower jaw's missing

Yakko:
Now get you to my lady's chamber, and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favor she must come; make her laugh at that.

Dot:
[translating] Follow that woman and tell her no matter how much make up she wears, she's still going to croak and end up looking just like you, and see if she laughs.

Yakko:
Prithee, Horatio, tell me one thing.

Dot:
What'd you find in the hole?

Wakko:
Our next cartoon.

Dot:
Um, it's not that we wouldn't like to take your survey...

Yakko:
It's more like we'd rather have dental surgery.

Yakko:
Wait. You're forgetting something.

Umlatt:
What?

Yakko:
Well, being an evil villain, you are contractually required to explain your plan before you get rid of us.

Wakko:
So what are we going to get Dr. Scratchy?

Dot:
Ooooooh, how about an outfit from Oedipus Rex Men's Wear?

Yakko:
Nah, his mom would hate those.

Yakko:
Call it a hunch, sibs, but I think we've been abducted by aliens.

Dot:
Aliens? What'll we do?

Wakko:
Go find the cafeteria?

Yakko, Dot:
Yeah.

Dot:
Do you think Scratchy'd like some cologne?

Fifi:
We have Obsession, Repression, and Ecstacy.

Dot:
Do you have anything for beginners?

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Stop playing with my bust.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Dot, would you care to give it a try? But, I'd like you to make a little curtsey.

Dot:
Thanks, but I did before I left home.

Yakko:
You'll never live to regret it.

Yakko:
And the moral of today's story is: If you can't say something nice, you're probably at the Ice Capades.

Miles:
Be gone, pests, and give me the bird.

Yakko:
We'd love to, really, but the Fox censors won't allow it.

Dot:
Don't look down. You might fall and hit your head and die and your brains would leak out alllllll over.

Brain:
The workings of your mind are a mystery to me.

Death:
[Swedish accent] [terms for checkers game] I win... Wakko goes with me. You win, you get to stay together forever. Agreed?

Yakko:
[dot and yakko are dazed and in a trance] [speaking flatly] We Accept...

Dot:
[flatly also] To accept is to Yield...

Yakko:
To yield is to allow on-coming traffic the right of way...

Dot:
Your breath is like the breeze off a land fill...

Yakko:
Food particles are wedged between your teeth...

[Yakko and Dot snap out of trance and Start dancing]

Brain:
Pinky are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Pinky:
I think so Brain but where are we going to find rubber pants our size?

Clown:
When the whippoorwill/ Whippoors in the wind / The wind can whippoor back / O nice and chubby baby!

Yakko:
[upon entering the underworld] [in a trance/flatly] all is strange and vague...

Dot:
[tranced/flatly] Are we dead?

Yakko:
[tranced/flatly] Or is this Ohio...

Brain:
It proved that radio was a powerful tool. And now, Pinky, the advance of technology has brought us an even more powerful tool. Do you know what that is?

Pinky:
Ummm... the rubber band?

Pinky:
Hmmm... let me think...

Brain:
Don't hurt yourself, Pinky.

Brain:
Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Pinky:
I think so, Brain, but if we didn't have ears we'd look like weasels.

Brain:
Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Pinky:
I think so, Brain, but burlap chafes me so.

Brain:
Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Pinky:
I think so, Brain, but where are we going to find a duck and a garden hose at this time of night?

Brain:
Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Pinky:
I think so, Brain, but where are we gonna find a tattoo parlor that's open at this time of night?

Randy Beaman's Pal:
One time, OK, one time Randy Beaman's brother ate pop rocks and drank a soda and his head exploded! Ok, bye!

Satan:
Stop peeping!

Warners:
Peep! Peep! Peep! Peep! Peep! Peep!

Dot:
[shouts] No way! I'm the only one who's supposed to be cute on this show!

Brain:
Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Pinky:
I think so Brain, but if Jimmy cracks corn and nobody cares, why does he keep doing it?

Brain-2-Me-2:
This is it, Pinky-O, our moment of truth. Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

3-Pinky-0:
Um, I think so, Brain-2, but a show about two talking lab mice? Huh, it'll never get on the air.

Wakko:
I never get to get it.

Brain:
Promise me something, Pinky. Never breed.

Brain:
It must be inordinately taxing to be such a boob.

Pinky:
Egad. You astound me, Brain.

Brain:
That's a simple task, Pinky.

Brain:
Do you realize what we will do with this pollen, Pinky?

Pinky:
Ummm... open a boutique?

Brain:
Yes, that's it. We'll open a boutique and sell ladies' clothing and pollen.

Slappy:
Tactless, yet rude.

Pinky:
Whatcha doin' over there, Brain?

Brain:
Contemplating your afterlife, Pinky.

Slappy:
The pleasure's been all yours, I'm sure.

Slappy:
Look, have I ever lied to you before?

Skippy:
You said keno is legal in Burbank.

Brain:
I am not devoid of humor.

Brain:
I'd say puberty was inordinately kind to you.

Slappy:
Oh, not the dynamite in the cake bit again. Who'd sink so low?

Woman:
Well. I never.

Slappy:
Well, you should, it's fun.

Slappy:
In most cases, revenge is not a good thing. In other cases, it's the only thing.

Slappy:
I'm gonna make you some brain food. That's right, I'm gonna make you my famous walnut fig dough surprise.

Skippy:
What's the surprise?

Slappy:
I'm outta walnuts.

Slappy:
If I were a better person, I'd ignore her and go on with my life. But I'm not.

Runt:
My name's Runt, but my master calls me Stupid. What a nice guy.

Owner:
I want a pet who'll come when I call and cuddle me when I've had a bad day.

Rita:
Have a kid, lady.

Einstein:
If the sun is P, and gravity is H, it makes a Phhhhhh...

Slappy:
Skippy. You shoulda been asleep hours ago.

Skippy:
I know, Aunt Slappy, but I can't sleep. I keep hearing Santa's sleigh.

Slappy:
Ehhhh, that's just the LAPD choppers.

Stewardess:
Welcome to Air Pacific, the Jolly Airline. Our deluxe 757 is equipped with a number of safety features to use in case of an emergency, such as our fuel tanks explode, and we crash like a fiery ball into the sea. You'll find life jackets under your seats. In the event of a water landing, they will keep you afloat, unless you are seized by a giant squid, and dragged screaming beneath the waves. Thank you for choosing Air Pacific. You have well over a forty percent chance of landing safely. Enjoy your flight.

Abe Lincoln:
Ich bin ein Gettysburger.

Satan:
Beyond these doors is an agony worse than all others. You will remain in here for eternity listening to... whiny protest songs from the Sixties.

Wakko:
Hello, lady in a tree.

Colin:
OK, so, one time Randy Beaman's cat ate this fish from the fish tank but the fish was a piranha, it lived inside the cat forever, and the cat became Piranha Cat. 'Kay, bye.

Colin:
One time, ok, see, one time Randy Beeman's brother ate Pop Rocks and drank a soda at the same time and his head exploded. 'Kay, bye.

Wakko, Yakko, Dot:
Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn, and tell us the lesson that we should learn.

Yakko:
Free trip to Tahiti.

All:
Cheers.

Wakko:
Can you pull a rabbit out of your pants?

[Yakko's just sung a song listing eight of the nine planets of the solar system]

Yakko Warner:
There you go, that's our solar system.

Wakko Warner:
You forgot Uranus.

Yakko Warner:
[blowing a kiss to the audience] Good NIGHT, everybody.

[the Warners are singing a Christmas song]

Dot:
[singing] The stockings were hung so our names clearly showed

Wakko:
[singing] In the hopes that old Santa would leave a big load.

Yakko:
[blows a kiss to the audience] Good NIGHT, everybody.

Wakko:
Dear Santa, I have been ever so good this year. I would like a new mallet and a shiny brass anvil.

Yakko:
Well, we've decided. In outer space it's okay to wear white shoes after Labor Day.

A Crowd:
Shhh.

Yakko:
What, are you leaky tires?

Dot:
Mr. President? Get to work.

Dot:
Aliens. Go fig.

Wakko, Yakko:
We're the Warner brothers.

Dot:
And the Warner sister.

Dot:
My five-year mission is to seek out new worlds and make them cuter.

Brain-2-Me-2:
I've told you, I am not a refrigerator. I am a laboratory robot engaged in an intricate scheme of galactic domination.

Slappy Wanna Nappy:
The studio of Mos Eisner... You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. So be careful, we're going in without an agent.

Girth Plotz:
We meet again, Princess.

Dot:
That's Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Lay Onna Pile Of Origami the Third. But you can call me Dot.

Wakko:
Wanna see me make bubbles with my spit?

Yakko:
Sure do. In fact, that's the theme of our next show.

Dot:
So don't miss it.

Hello Nurse:
How come I always get the booby prize?

Dot:
I'm not touching that one!

Dot:
Requiem for a Lamb: Mary had a little lamb / With mint jelly. Thank you.

Dot:
Roses are red, violets are blue / That's what they say, but it just isn't true / Roses are red, and apples are, too / But violets are violet, violets aren't blue / An orange is orange, but Greenland's not green / A pinky's not pink, so what does it mean? / To call something blue when it's not, we defile it / But what the heck, it's hard to rhyme violet.

Dot:
Jack Sprat could eat no fat, so he became macrobiotic and an enormous pain in the neck.

Yakko, Wakko:
[singing to La Macarena] Dot is a nut, so we call her Macademia / She's touched in the head and kooky in the brain-ia / All the lines in this song sound pretty much the same-ia / Oy, Macademia!

Wakko:
Faboo!

Dan Anchorman:
Don't mess with an anchorman!

Yakko, Wakko & Dot:
[singing] We're from Sal Monella's coffee shop/Eat our food and you're bound to drop/Then the only thing that's left to do/Head to the potty and spew spew spew!/Sal Monella's!

Yakko, Wakko, Dot:
Make a Googie!

Wakko:
I'm not wearing any pants!

[repeated lines]

Pinky:
What are we going to do tonight brain?

Brain:
The same thing we do every night, Pinky: try to take over the world!

Yakko:
[reciting "A Midsummer Night's Dream"] For I am an honest Puck...

Dot:
[translating] I'm not touching that one!

Yakko:
How's it going, Scratchy?

Dr. Scratchensniff:
I take umbrage at that.

Yakko:
Oh, sure! Take all the umbrage. Don't leave any for us.

Einstein:
You... you... you...

Yakko:
No, THIS is a ewe; we're just plain old us.

Warners:
[singing] Yakko is a yakker, Wakko is a snacker, Dot's plain cute, so's this boot.

Yakko:
Did you know that there's "P.P." on your smock?

Dot:
Disgusting!

Dot:
Call me "Dottie", and you die!

Girth Plotz:
[after Wakko eats his paperweight] Give me back my paperweight!

Wakko:
Okay, but you'll have to wait a while.

Mr. Director:
Where are you kids going?

Yakko:
Jan Murray's house?

Mr. Director:
You kids are going to be in my movie.

Warners:
Movie?

Mr. Director:
Who were you talking to?

Wakko:
The people watching us on TV.

Mr. Director:
Peoples? What peoples? [peering really close to the camera] HELLO, NICE PEOPLE IN THE TV!

Yakko:
[very loudly] ALL RIGHT! IN THIS SCENE...

Mr. Director.:
Oy! Too loud! Make with the whisper! Don't with the loud-maker-talk!

Man:
Do you know who I am?

Yakko:
Why? Did you forget?

Man:
Hey! You can't eat that!

Wakko:
Needs salt.

Miss Flamiel:
Find your seats!

Yakko:
[showing his butt] Got my seat.

Wakko:
[showing his butt] Got mine.

Dot:
[showing her butt] Here's mine.

Yakko:
[to Miss Flamiel] Bet you don't have trouble finding yours.

Miss Flamiel:
Yakko, can you conjugate?

Yakko:
Who? Me? I've never even kissed a girl!

Miss Flamiel:
No, it's very simple. I'll conjugate with you.

Yakko:
Good night, everybody!

Yakko:
Early to rise and early to bed/Makes a man healthy, but socially dead.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
[Showing Dot how to make a curtsey] Make a little curtsey. A CURTSEY!

Yakko, Wakko:
[Yakko and Wakko laughing and imitating Dr Scratchensniff] Make a little curtsey. A CURTSEY.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Stop with the fun at me.

Yakko:
Then please stop being so funny.

[Dot has just forgotten her line after about twenty tries and lets out a stream of obscenities]

Yakko:
That was my cute little sister who said that.

Wakko, Yakko:
Well, helloooooo Nurse!

Mindy Sadlier:
OK, lady, I love you, good bye!

Dot:
Little Miss Muffet. Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet / And boy what a big tuffet she had! If you're feeling insecure, just sit next to her / And then you won't feel quite so bad. Thank you.

[closing line]

Slappy:
Now that's comedy!

Miss Flamiel:
Dot, what can you tell me about the scientists of the 1800's?

Dot:
They're all dead.

Miss Flamiel:
No, no, no.

Dot:
Ok, they're all living?

Miss Flamiel:
No, no, no!

Yakko:
Well, now we're getting into philosophy.

Baloney:
[singing The Imagine Song] I is for Imagine, M is for Me, A is for the letter A , G is for G. I is for Imagine, N is for Nice. E is for Egad, I said imagine twice!

Yakko:
[sarcastically] Wow, great song.

Baloney:
Thanks. Let's hug!

Yakko:
Uh, why don't you just imagine that too?

Dan Anchorman:
I placed this order an hour ago! Are your out of your minds?

Yakko:
No, but we're out of our pickles. You'll have to take coleslaw.

Yakko:
Who's the ham on rye?

Dan Anchorman:
That's me!

Yakko:
Remember, you said that. We didn't.

Dot:
I'm famished. [Dot grabs the sandwich and bites into it]

Dan Anchorman:
How dare you take a bite out of my sandwich!

Dot:
You want it back?

Dot:
The poem that I wrote. This is the poem that I wrote. These are the words that are in the poem that I wrote. This is the mouth that's saying the words that are in the poem that I wrote. This is the person who has the mouth that's saying the words that are in the poem that I wrote. This is the audience that would do anything to shut up the person who has the mouth that's saying the words that are in poem that I wrote. This is the TV show that tortures the audience until they would do anything to shut up the person that has the mouth that's saying the words that are in the poem that I wrote. This...

Yakko:
Nice wig you got there.

Wakko:
Does Cher know you're borrowing it?

Howie Tern:
Stop laughing at them.

Robin:
Ok I'm sorry.

Yakko:
Ooo, I like her.

Howie Tern:
Now listen up, America. If you just tuned in, I've go three kids in here who think they're funnier than the great Howie Tern. You know what I say to that? burp

Wakko:
That's not a burp.

Howie Tern:
Oh no?

Wakko:
Nope. BELCH! That's a burp.

Howie Tern:
Oh yeah these kids think they're really cute.

Dot:
I can't help it if I'm cute. [smooch then spits and gags] He's got gingivitis.

Howie Tern:
What kind of fool do you take me for?

Wakko, Yakko, Dot:
Ooo ooo! I know, I know! Let me answer! Come on!

Howie Tern:
I am Howie Tern! I'm a big star! I'm a household name!

Yakko:
So is the Mister Tidy Bowl man. Are you related?

Howie Tern:
That's pretty funny coming from a kid who looks like a demented monkey.

Yakko:
You know, you'd make a fortune renting your head out as a balloon.

Yakko:
But let this be a lesson to all. For wherever there is belching...

Wakko, Dot, Yakko:
We'll be there!

Yakko:
Wherever there is stupidity...

Wakko, Dot, Yakko:
We'll be there!

Yakko:
Wherever there is candy...

Wakko:
We'll be there a lot quicker.

Pinky:
What do you want to do tonight, Rita?

Rita:
I don't know, eat you for supper?

[Rita snatches Pinky up and eats him alive]

Rita:
So far, this is my favorite episode!

Pinky:
Narf! Oh, roomy accommodations, Rita.

Brain:
Yes, of course! Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Pinky:
I think so, Brain, but bein' Pippi Longstocking, I mean, what would the children look like?

Pinky:
I think so, Brain, but isn't Regis Philbin already married?

Pinky:
I think so Brain, but I can't memorize a whole opera in Yiddish!

Yakko:
Is this you? Are you happily engrossed in inconsequential cartoon trivia to the point that your socks can probably stand up by themselves?

Yakko:
Remember kids, Yakko spelled backwards is Okkay!

Dot:
What's death like, Wakko?

Wakko:
Pretty boring. I've already hummed all the songs I know.

Pesto:
Hey, Bobby knows this industry. [He kicks Squit off a perch]

Squit:
Hey! What'd I do?

Pesto:
Nothing. I just felt like whackin' something.

Beethoven:
I am Ludwig Van Beethoven, world famous composer and pianist.

Yakko:
You're a what?

Beethoven:
A pianist.

Yakko:
[blows a kiss] Goodnight, everybody!

Beethoven:
But that is what I am. A pianist.

Yakko:
I think we've heard enough out of you.

Brain:
Pinky are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Pinky:
I think so Brain but why would anyone want to pierce Bronson?

Brain:
Pinky! Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Pinky:
I think so Brain but how will we get the Spice Girls into the paella?

Yakko:
[whenever he catches an innuendo] Good Night Everybody!

Yakko, Wakko, Dot:
Wheel of morality turn turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn!

Yakko Warner:
[while dancing with some chorus girls] Let me know when those costumes get heavy! [growls suggestively]

Yakko Warner:
[to the chorus girls] Hello nurses, say why don't you stop by the water tower and I'll show you my stamp collection.

Chorus Girl:
[giggling] But Yakko you don't have a stamp collection.

Yakko Warner:
[puts his finger under her chin] Alright then you can open my mail. [chorus girl hugs him]

Yakko Warner:
Is this you? Are you happily engrossed in inconsequential cartoon trivia to the point that your socks can probably stand up by themselves?

Yakko Warner:
Is that cute girl coming back?

Baloney:
Cute girl? Goshums, Yakko, I don't know what you're talking about.

Yakko Warner:
There's a shocker.

Boy:
Boy, there's nothing better to do after school, than stay at school and play.

Girl:
I love school so much, I wish I could marry it.

Baloney:
[holding a paper plate, with a face drawn on it in front of his own face] Guess who.

[laughs]

Wakko Warner:
Is it... Abraham Lincoln?

Baloney:
[laughs] No.

Dot Warner:
Hmm... could it be Nancy Kerrigan?

Baloney:
[laughs] No.

Yakko Warner:
Is it a... big, fat polyester dinosaur, who's the color of an international house of pancakes, with a paper plate over his face?

Baloney:
No. It's me, Baloney!

Wakko Warner, Dot Warner, Yakko Warner:
You're kidding!

Baloney:
You're silly. [laughs]

Yakko Warner:
Boy, that's the pot calling the kettle, black.

Wakko Warner:
Are we being punished?

Yakko Warner, Dot Warner:
Yes.

Announcer:
Baloney and Kids is brought to you by this station and other stations that lack clever programming.

Announcer:
She's Katie Kaboom! Katie Kaboom! Lives in a house with a garden in bloom. Her family knows that anytime soon their little lady Katie goes Kaboom!

Yakko Warner:
It was harsh but it had to be done. [Baloney starts laughing]

Wakko Warner:
IT'S UNSTOPPABLE!

Yakko Warner, Wakko Warner, Dot Warner:
[singing] We love you

Baloney:
I love we!

Yakko Warner, Wakko Warner, Dot Warner:
[pointing at Baloney] He's as dumb as dumb can be

Baloney:
Yep

[laughs]

Yakko Warner, Wakko Warner, Dot Warner:
[singing] But we found a way that we can get along

Baloney:
[singing] I stand still for the anvil song

[laughs then gets crushed by a falling anvil]

Slappy Squirrel:
[Daniel Boone is attempting to chop down Slappy's home] Hey! You break this tree, and you're gonna pay for it!

Daniel Boone:
Lookie here, you old squirrel, I'm Daniel Boone, the best frontiersman that's ever lived!

Slappy Squirrel:
Well, I'm Slappy Squirrel, and I'm so old my blood is solid.

Cow Salesman:
Okay, tell ya what, I'll give you a bean for that cow.

Yakko Warner:
A bean? A bean? You should be ashamed of yourself. Why, she's worth at least, uh... three beans.

Cow Salesman:
Deal.

Magic Harp:
Hello. Please save me!

Yakko Warner, Wakko Warner:
Hello, harp!

Yakko Warner:
She's a dream.

Wakko Warner:
She's a princess.

Dot Warner:
She's a woman with a harp stuck to her back. Boys...

Ralph the Guard:
Pea, pie, poo, kerplot. I smells Yakko, Wakko and Dot!

Yakko Warner:
Don't you mean "Fee-fi-fo-fum"?

Ralph the Guard:
Yeah, but it don't rhymes with Dot.

Yakko Warner:
[rhyming ? la Dr. Suess] I'm sure you'll love this, have a seat. Here's your meal, gold eggs and meat.

Ralph the Guard:
I does not like gold eggs and meat, It's you who I would like to eat.

Yakko Warner:
Eat them, eat them on a cloud.

Ralph the Guard:
Oh, all right, for crying out loud! [takes the plate and swallows the meal] Mmmmm! Gold eggs and meat I do not hate.

Yakko Warner:
But now those clouds won't hold your weight.

Ralph the Guard:
Gee, I never thought about that. [Ralph falls through the cloud, crashing into the ground bellow] Fee-fi-fo-fum, I fall down and hurt my bum.

Skippy Squirrel:
How come we're making so many candles, Aunt Slappy?

Slappy Squirrel:
Skippy, it's the 1700s. What'd you expect, rollerblading?

Daniel Boone:
Kentucky at last! I'm gonna build me a little log cabin right here. The a log cabin for my oxes. Then a summer cabin. The only thing I love more then buildin' cabins is choppin' down trees. [begins hacking some down] Birch is good for clothespins. This oak'll make a dandy shelf. Well, I'll be kissed by a wolverine, a bessemer elm! That's the best wood around for makin' a front door.

Tom Dover, Dick Dover, Larry Dover:
[singing] Daniel Boone was a big dang bird. Yes, a really big bird. But he didn't know that his disguise was pretty absurd.

Daniel Boone:
QUIET! You dadgum idiots. This is a dang good disguise. Heh heh heh, that old squirrel will think I'm just a big woodpecker. I'll peck down this tree right in front of her.

Slappy Squirrel:
Ah, there's no rest for the elderly. Hey! Are you Daniel Boone?

Daniel Boone:
Shoot, no. I'm a big woodpecker.

Slappy Squirrel:
Get out of here with that woodpecker thing, there. You're Boone!

Daniel Boone:
No, I ain't. My daddy was a big woodpecker and his daddy before him. Can't you see I'm-a peckin' at your tree for bugs and such?

Slappy Squirrel:
I guess you really are a big woodpecker.

Daniel Boone:
Dang straight.

Slappy Squirrel:
Then here, I made you some woodpecker lunch. [reveals a plate full of rotting dead insects]

Daniel Boone:
That's... right neighborly of you, ma'am.

Slappy Squirrel:
Yeah, there's nothin' like dead bugs mixed with manure and served with a big piece of rotten bark, eh woody? [Daniel runs off gagging]

Tom Dover, Dick Dover, Larry Dover:
[singing] Daniel Boone was a great big guy. Yes, a big sick guy. He lost his lunch all over the trees and sky.

Slappy Squirrel:
That's nice singin'. They remind me of "Up With People".

Tom Dover, Dick Dover, Larry Dover:
[singing] Daniel Boone was a great big jerk. Yes, a stupid jerk. He had another dumb plan that more than likely wouldn't work.

Daniel Boone:
That ties it! You boys are fired! Come on down from there and get!

Tom Dover:
Hey, what's the big idea? You can't just fire us!

Dick Dover:
Yeah, who do you think you are? Hey, we got rights, you know! Wait a second!

Larry Dover:
We have a contract!

Tom Dover:
Our agent said two weeks work.

Tom Dover, Dick Dover, Larry Dover:
[All arguing at once]

Daniel Boone:
I said get! I'm gonna blow this here tree and that old squirrel sky-high! And I don't need no dang smart-aleck chorus! If'n I can't have that tree, then nobody's gonna have it. [cackles] Now there's gonna be a big hole in the ground. I could make it into a root cellar or a... root cellar.

Slappy Squirrel:
And remember to start your day with Branimaniacs, for that get up and go feeling!

Slappy Squirrel:
[They both eat the cereal, and get stomach aches]

Skippy Squirrel:
I gotta get up and go.

Slappy Squirrel:
I'll race ya!

Skippy Squirrel:
[looking at branimaniacs box] Wow! We're on the box!

Slappy Squirrel:
That's right, kiddo.

Skippy Squirrel:
Do we get paid for that?

Slappy Squirrel:
You don't!

Yakko, Wakko, Dot:
[singing to the theme song] Eat Branimaniacs / Nutritionally it lacks / But this cereal attacks, all of your digestive tracks / it's branimainy...

Slappy Squirrel:
My stomach's in painy...

Yakko, Wakko, Dot:
Branimaniacs!

God:
[deep voice] Noah!

Noah:
My, your voice has changed.

God:
I'm not your mother, Noah!

Noah:
[shocked] Oh, my God!

God:
Precisely!

Dot Warner:
[after removing cartoons from his various body parts] So Wakko how do you feel now?

Wakko Warner:
[holding his rear end in pain] Oh my bottom hurts! [Yakko and Dot give him annoyed looks]

Yakko Warner:
[blowing a kiss to the audience] Goodnight everybody!

Randy Beaman's Pal:
Ok, one time Randy Beaman knew this creepy guy, and Randy Beaman says to him, get lost! And so he did and then nobody ever found the guy. It's true! Ok bye.

Yakko Warner:
[after he sings his song naming most of the planets] Well, there you go. That's our solar system.

Wakko Warner:
You forgot Uranus.

Yakko Warner:
Goodnight, everybody!

Miss Flamiel:
We'll move on to science. Dot, what can you tell me about the great scientists of the nineteenth century?

Dot:
They're all dead.

Miss Flamiel:
No no no!

Dot:
All right. They're all living.

Miss Flamiel:
No no no!

Yakko Warner:
Well, now we're getting into philosophy.

Miss Flamiel:
Wakko, what is the meaning of the word, "procrastination"?

Wakko:
I'll tell you tomorrow.

Miss Flamiel:
Yakko can you conjugate?

Yakko Warner:
Who me?, I've never even kissed a girl.

Miss Flamiel:
No, no, no it's easy I'll conjugate with you.

Yakko Warner:
[waving to the audience] Goodnight everybody!

Miss Flamiel:
You don't understand, let me go to the board and show you.

Yakko Warner:
[whispering to the audience] Don't look!

Dolly Parton:
I'm your biggest fan. What do say to that?

The Brain:
I'd say puberty was inordinately kind to you.

The Brain:
I have calculated every ingredient necessary to become a country music mega-star. Read me the list, Pinky.

Pinky:
"A cowboy hat."

The Brain:
[puts on a cowboy hat] Check.

Pinky:
A southern dialect.

The Brain:
Check, y'all.

Pinky:
Nice, Brain. "Working class values."

The Brain:
I enjoy beef jerky and the comedy stylings of Gallagher. Check.

Pinky:
"A song."

The Brain:
Check.

Pinky:
"A name consisting of no less than three words."

The Brain:
From now on, I shall be Bubba Bo Bob Brain. Check.

Pinky:
And, "a height of at least six feet."

The Brain:
Ch - drat!

The Brain:
[about Willy Ray] It must be inordinately taxing to be such a boob.

Pinky:
You have no idea.

Slappy Squirrel:
[Disguised as a cashier at a concession stand] May I help you, or did the Goodyear blimp just land?

Codger Eggbert:
Ha ha! Give me a large tub of popcorn, and hurry.

Slappy Squirrel:
There ya go, Shamu. You want artificial butter flavoring on that?

Codger Eggbert:
Sure.

Slappy Squirrel:
Alright then.

Codger Eggbert:
Does it cost extra?

Slappy Squirrel:
Artificial butter? Nah, it's cheap stuff.

Codger Eggbert:
Really? What's it made of?

Slappy Squirrel:
Ah, it's just lard... that I'm liposuctioning out of your gut!

Skippy Squirrel:
Spew!

[the show has just ended]

Dot:
Phew! Am I glad that's over!

Yakko:
Oh! I have a headache this big, and it's got Warner Brothers written all over it!

Yakko:
Hey, you wanna go get a cappuccino?

Dot:
Sure. Wakko, you coming?

Wakko:
Nah, I got a date.

Yakko:
When do you *not* have a date?

Wakko:
[angrily] I got a date! So sue me!

Dot:
She will!

[During the credits]

Yakko:
[Sarcastic] Ooh goodie. Here come the storyboard artists.

Wakko:
What do they do?

Yakko:
Besides drawing us off-model and taking three hour coffee breaks, not much.

Wakko:
Maybe you should see a P-psychiatrist.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
I AM a P-psych... I mean, a psychiatrist!

Dr. Scratchensniff:
I know what you kids want... you want to talk to Mr. Puppet Head!

[imitating another character]

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Hello, kids. I'm Mr. Puppet Head. Tell me why you kids make the jokes?

[the Warners are silent]

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Why aren't you talking to Mr. Puppet Head? No no, it's very simple watch this... Hello, Mr. Puppet Head. How are you?

[imitating Mr. Puppet Head]

Dr. Scratchensniff:
I am fine, Dr. Scratchensniff. How are you?

[normal voice]

Dr. Scratchensniff:
I am fine, Mr. Puppet Head. Did you have a yummy breakfast?

[imitating Mr. Puppet Head]

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Oh, yes. Very yummy. How was your breakfast?

[normal voice]

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Mine was as yummy as yours.

[to the Warners]

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Now, you see? Isn't that easy?

Yakko:
Are you sure you don't need to see a P-psychiatrist?

Dr. Scratchensniff:
I AM a P-psych... I mean a psychiatrist! I AM! I AM! I AM!

[uses the hand his puppet is on to tear off his hair]

Yakko:
Mr. Puppet Head's hungry.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
[showing Dot an inkblot] What do you see here?

Dot:
I'd say you're not a very good artist.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
I didn't draw it.

Dot:
Then whoever did needs to go back to school.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
No, no. It's an inkblot.

Dot:
I'll say.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
It's not supposed to look like anything!

Dot:
Then you did a very good job.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
I DIDN'T DRAW IT! Don't you think it looks like a little kitty cat or a butterfly or something?

Dot:
No.

[takes off the inkblot and changes it into a butterfly]

Dot:
THAT'S a butterfly.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
What is on your mind?

Wakko:
My hat.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
No, your hat is on your head. What is on your MIND?

Wakko:
My... skin?

Dr. Scratchensniff:
No, that's on your head. What is on your MIND?

Wakko:
Oh, I got it! My hair!

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Your hair is on your head!

[tears off some of his hair]

Dr. Scratchensniff:
THIS IS HAIR! THIS IS HAIR! IT'S NOT ON MY MIND! IT'S ON MY HEAD!

Wakko:
No, it's in your hand.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Any word that comes to mind.

Yakko:
Brain.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
But we haven't started.

Yakko:
Begun.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
No, wait.

Yakko:
Yield.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Stop!

Yakko:
Cease.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
SILENCE!

Yakko:
Quiet.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
ENOUGH!

Yakko:
Plenty.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Would you please listen?

Yakko:
Hear.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
NO, YOU STUPID KID! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!

Yakko:
Comprehend.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Get out! Get out! Get OUT!

Yakko:
Leave, leave, leave.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
These Varner Brothers are driving me crazy!

Yakko:
Insane. Unhinged. Demented.

Narrator:
Inside the Water Tower room there was a log flume and a picture of a big baboon.

Ralph the Guard:
Huh?

Narrator:
And three little toons acting like goons.

Yakko:
I'm Yakko

Wakko:
I'm Wakko.

Dot:
And I'm cute!

Narrator:
A dog and a cat.

Runt:
Cat? Where's a cat?

Narrator:
And a big-headed rat

The Brain:
I'm a mouse, not a rat.

Marita Hippo:
Flavio, are we actually fat?

Flavio Hippo:
No, my delectable. We are simply bigger than life itself

Narrator:
Nighty-night squirrel lady in nightgown and cap.

Slappy Squirrel:
For crying out loud will you button your yap!

Narrator:
In this room and in this verse are Dr. Scratchensniff and...

Wakko, Yakko:
Hello Nurse!

Thaddeus Plotz:
I haven't been this upset since we made "Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead"!

Dr. Scratchensniff:
So tell me more about these dreams you've been having Mr. Reagan?

Ronald Reagan:
Well, in my dreams I'm President of the United States. [Dr. Scratchensniff writes down on his notepad "DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR" and "INCURABLE"]

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Do you know who I am? [the Warners run to three contestant podiums with their names. Yakko pushes a button on his]

Yakko:
Dr. Otto Scratchensniff world famous psycho-analyst to the stars?

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Correct.

Yakko:
I won! I won! [he leaps into Scratchensniff's arms] What did I win?

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Nothing.

Yakko:
Say what kinda game show is this?

Dr. Scratchensniff:
This isn't a game show.

Yakko:
I'll say it isn't. Nobody wins anything. You'll be lucky to be on the air for one week.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
What do you want?

Yakko:
We asked you first.

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Well, I want... no you didn't!

Dot:
Well we meant to.

Pixie:
[takeoff of Shakespeare] Oh, what fools these Warners be!

Yakko:
That you have but slumbered here While these visions did appear.

Dot:
[translating for the audience] You fell asleep on your butt and dreamt the whole thing.

Yakko:
And this weak and idle theme, No more yielding but a dream,

Dot:
[translating for the audience] There's a hole in the plot a truck could drive through.

Yakko:
Gentles, do not reprehend.

Dot:
[translating for the audience] Honeys, don't blame us, you could have been watching Oprah.

Yakko:
And, as I am an honest Puck,

Dot:
[translating for the audience] I'm not touchin' that one.

Yakko:
If we have unearn?d luck Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,

Dot:
[translating for the audience] What he said.

Yakko:
And Robin shall restore amends.

Dot:
[translating for the audience] And the Boy Wonder will come to our rescue. [Batmobile pulls up, Warners hop in]

Yakko:
[He and Dot are dressed in detective outfits] Number one sister! Dust for prints! [she pulls out a feather duster]

Yakko:
[goes over to Wakko, who is reclined in an easy chair] Doctor Wakko, it could be a long night. Better order some pizzas.

Wakko Warner:
[picks up a telephone next to the chair] I'd like forty-two pizzas, six with no crusts. [smiles at camera]

Yakko:
[goes over to Flavio and Marita] Now - Do you have any enemies?

Flavio Hippo, Marita Hippo:
No.

Yakko:
Do you have any creditors?

Flavio Hippo, Marita Hippo:
No.

Yakko:
Well then... [he runs over to a piano and begins playing it] Do you have any requests? Thank you so much! [picks up a mic and begins singing]

Yakko:
Way down, Jack / Upon the Nile River, Jack...

Dot:
I found Prince! [she holds the musical artist Prince in her arms]

Yakko:
No no no, *finger*prints! [he wiggles his fingers]

Dot:
[looks at Prince, he smiles at her, then puts his head back in a "facepalm"; Dot shakes her head to the camera] I don't think so. [she tosses him out a window]

Dot:
Look, I found Prince! [Dot comes in carrying the rock star Prince]

Yakko:
No no no, fingerprints.

Dot:
[pause] I don't think so.

Yakko:
[Yakko is reciting Puck's final monologue from A Midsummer Night's Dream while Dot translates] If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended.

Dot:
If the actors in our show made you mad, it will be okay if you look at it this way!

Yakko:
That you have but slumbered here while these visions did appear.

Dot:
You fell asleep on your butt and dreamed the whole thing.

Yakko:
And this weak and idle theme, no more yielding but a dream.

Dot:
There was a hole in the plot you can drive a truck through.

[behind the action, Wakko is picking flowers and is swatted by a group a fairies. He sprays them away with a fire hose]

Yakko:
Gentles, do not reprehend...

Dot:
Honeys, don't blame us. You could be watching Oprah.

Yakko:
If you pardon, we will mend.

Dot:
But we're sorry and we promise our next show will be full of funny skits.

Wakko Warner:
[Wakko continues to pick flowers when a very sexy fairy emerges] Hello pixie! [he chases after her]

Yakko:
And, as I am an honest Puck...

Dot:
I'm not touching that one.

Yakko:
If we have unearned luck now to 'scape the serpent's tongue.

Dot:
What he said.

Yakko:
We will make amends ere long!

Dot:
We'll buy you foot long hot dogs!

Yakko:
Else the Puck a liar call: So, good night unto you all. [he blows a kiss]

Dot:
Goodnight everybody!

Yakko:
Give me your hands, if we be friends.

Dot:
Applaud if you like us!

Wakko Warner:
[the pixie Wakko has been chasing after comes up behind him enraged. He tries to give her flowers while she tries to swat him with a huge fly swatter] And Robin shall restore amends.

Dot:
And the Boy Wonder will save us. [the Batmobile drives up and the Warners all jump in it, and it drives away]

Yakko Warner, Wakko Warner, Dot Warner:
[singing about Googy] The censors all protest, 'cuz she's practically undressed, the cartoon vamp

Dot Warner:
She's a tramp!

Yakko Warner, Wakko Warner:
Hello Googy!

Censor:
We want no kissing in these cartoons, and entirely no lewd behavior and attire [points at Googy] like that outfit for instance take it off this instant! [Googy reacts in embarrassment]

Yakko Warner:
[waving to the audience] Goodnight everybody!

Sgt. Sweete:
[singing a military march] Left, right, left, right, left, recruits smell and that's no lie, hate your guts gonna make you cry, call me smart call me inspired, your gonna march til I get tired.

Yakko:
On second thought let's start the search tomorrow. I'm tired.

Wakko:
I'm hungry.

Dot:
I'm cute.

Dot:
Hey I can't help it if I'm cute.

Dracula:
You can't make a fool out of me.

Yakko:
[dress up Dracula in a fool outfit] Well, you can't blame a guy for trying.

Yakko:
[to Dracula] Does Batman know you're wearing his cape, so badly?

Wakko:
[talking about Dracula] That guy sure dresses funny.

Dot:
This is Pennsylvania, Wakko. He's probably Amish.

Yakko:
I'll handle him. I saw "Witness" twice.

[opens the door for Dracula]

Dracula:
I am Count Dracula.

Yakko:
Didn't you use to teach math on Sesame Street?

Dr. Phrankenstein:
In school, they called me mad and insane. They also called me "Old Hoppy Big Bottom". I wonder what that meant.

Yakko:
[helping Plotz to sign some papers] Sign here, here, here and here.

Mr. Plotz:
By the way. What am I signing?

Yakko:
Oh, well. You know. A little of that, a little of this.

Yakko:
[holding up a check worth 80 zillion dollars] Mostly this.

[repeated line]

Wakko Warner:
I never get to get it!

Mr. Plotz:
I want you to take a letter.

Wakko Warner:
Where do you want me to take it?

Mr. Plotz:
No no, I mean I want you to write a letter!

Wakko Warner:
[brings up a notepad] Okay. Dear Santa, I have been ever so good this year. I would like a new mallet and a shiny new anvil.

Mr. Plotz:
No no no no, write a letter for me, FOR ME!

Wakko Warner:
But I don't know what you want for Christmas.

Mr. Plotz:
[Wakko swallows Thaddeus Plotz's paperweight] And give me back my paperweight!

Wakko Warner:
Okay, but you'll have to wait a while.

Yakko:
Mwah! Goodnight everybody!

Wakko Warner:
[attempting to distract his siblings so he can answer the phone] Look it's a big fat fanny!

The Godpidgeon:
[in gibberish, subtitled] Hey, you want to go to a car lot?

Squit:
I'm sorry... I don't speak your language... car... Carloota?

The Godpidgeon:
[subtitled] We'll perch on a Buick.

Squit:
Beaked! Carloota got beaked?

The Godpidgeon:
[subtitled] We'll play Poo-Poo Bombadiers. It'll be fun.

Squit:
It was Chicky-Butt, wasn't it? He thinks I beaked Noodles, so he beaked the one I love for revenge!

The Godpidgeon:
[subtitled] See Ya.

Wakko:
Hello lady in the tree.

Ivan Bloski:
This is absurd! You little goons have been bothering me ever since I sat down! Do you know who I am?

Yakko Warner:
No. Do you know who *I* am?

Ivan Bloski:
No!

Yakko Warner:
Then we're even.

Ivan Bloski:
[Bloski runs into the cockpit] Help! I'm being harassed by children that look like big bugs with clothes. I demand you do something immediately! [the members of the flight crew turn around to reveal that they are, as expected, the Warners]

Yakko Warner, Wakko Warner, Dot Warner:
What'd you have in mind?

Yakko Warner:
[as Ivan Bloski jumps into the ocean and swims away furiously] Friends don't let friends disappear over the horizon alone. [the Warners all jump into a rowboat] Wait!

Dot Warner:
Stick around!

Wakko Warner:
We're gonna make sloppy joes and rent Don Knotts videos!

Skippy Squirrel:
But those were cartoons! This is real life!

Slappy Squirrel:
[to the audience] Don't tell him. He might crack.

Slappy:
Relax, you've seen all my cartoons, right?

Skippy:
About a trillion times.

Slappy:
I've wrestled with Walter wolf, Sid the Squid, and Beany the Brain-dead Bison.

Skippy:
But those were cartoons, and this is real life!

Slappy:
[turns to audience] Don't tell him, he might crack.

Yakko Warner:
[singing] I am the very model of a cartoon individual/My animation's comical, unusual and whimsical/I'm quite adept at funny gags, comedic theory I have read/From wicked jokes to stupid puns to anvils that fall on your head.

Slappy Squirrel:
Come on. Let's go visit Doug the Dog. We'll get some walnuts out of his old walnut tree,

Skippy Squirrel:
Doug the Dog? But he hates you, Aunt Slappy. He's been trying to eat you for years!

Slappy Squirrel:
Thank you Mr. Exposition.

Captain Mel:
Who be ye?

Yakko Warner:
We be we. We're the Warner brothers.

Dot Warner:
And the Warner sister.

Captain Mel:
Ye be trespassing on my private pirate property!

Wakko Warner:
Bet ya can't say that three times fast.

Captain Mel:
Pirate prinipoly popoly... pi... per

Wakko Warner:
You lose. [Smashes Mel flat with a sledgehammer]

Mr. Director:
I'm balled over. That was good. You kids got it. You got that special zingy thing. That thing that only comes from here. [Points at Yakko's chest]

Yakko Warner:
That's just a spaghetti stain.

Mr. Director:
See, that's funny. You're wack-o!

Yakko Warner:
No. [Grabs Wakko] This is Wakko.

Mr. Director:
You're funny!

Yakko Warner:
No, I'm Yakko. And, that's Dot.

Dot Warner:
Have we met before?

Mr. Director:
[Crazy Voice] Oh! I love these kids! They are so funny! Sweet kids who look like puppies! Flamiel! [Normal voice] Where're you kids going?

Yakko Warner:
Gen Murray's house?

Mr. Director:
You kids are gonna be in my movie.

Yakko Warner, Wakko Warner, Dot Warner:
[to audience] Movie?

Mr. Director:
Who are you talking to?

Wakko Warner:
The people watching on TV.

Mr. Director:
Peoples? What peoples? [Crazy voice] Hello, nice people in the TV! [Normal Voice] Hey! I don't see any... where'd they go? Ah, there you are! [Crazy Voice] Nice kids, we're with the movie gonna do a thing!

Yakko Warner, Wakko Warner, Dot Warner:
AAAAAAAAAAH! [Try to run out the door]

Ralph the Guard:
Duh! Where are they?

Yakko Warner:
[Shuts the door] Okay, Mr. Penzoil Head, you talked us into it. We'll do your movie.

Mr. Director:
[Crazy voice] Oh1 You'll do! The mov...! You'll do the! Happy! I am! So much! Oil!

Yakko Warner, Wakko Warner, Dot Warner:
[to audience] Be afraid! Be very afraid!

Yakko:
[serious voice over] We were each chosen for our unique abilities. That's Dot. Her specialty: Cuteness. That's Wakko. His specialty: The mallet. That's me. My specialty: *Two paddle-balls at once!*

Thaddius Plotz:
[referring to a map] Now you have to get from this office here to soundstage 64 here, and stop that director. Any questions?

Dot:
Would I look cute as a blonde?

Wakko:
Why do cats purr?

Yakko:
Who's chubbier, Perry Mason or Scotty on "Star Trek"?

Mr. Director:
[Crazy voice] Okay! I'm ready for my ending!

Dot:
You want it?

Mr. Director:
[Crazy voice] Oh, yeah!

Yakko:
Are you sure?

Mr. Director:
[Crazy voice] Yeah! Give! Give! Froinlaven!

Yakko:
And... action!

Mr. Director:
[Gets hit in the head by a huge mallet, Crazy voice] That's an ending?

Cameraman:
[Whispering to Yakko] Microphone was in the shot.

Yakko:
Okay, everybody! Let's do it again!

Mr. Director:
[Crazy voice] Oh no! I don't want that!

Yakko:
And... action!

Mr. Director:
[Gets hit with the large mallet again, is as flat as a pancake, crazy voice] The hurting... the hurting... cut, print, that's a wrap!

Jim Morrison:
[singing] That's the ending. The ending of our story. That's ending. The ending... [Gets run over by the Warner's car] That's the ending... the ending... the ending... the ending...

Wakko:
Yakko, I'm confused.

Yakko:
What else is new?

Yakko Warner:
Friends, we'll paint any ceiling for just 29.95. Right! How do we do it? No overhead. In fact, when we get through, you'll have nothing overhead! And if you hire us, you'll have nothing in your head! We paint ceilings, ceilings and ONLY ceilings! We don't paint floors cuz they're beneath us.

[the Warners are "helping" Michelangelo paint the Sistine Chapel ceiling]

Michelangelo:
It's supposed to look like THIS!

[unfurls a draft of the ceiling artwork]

Dot Warner:
[gasps] More naked people!

Yakko Warner:
Hey, Mike, I wouldn't go flashing that thing around here if I were you. [whispers] This is a church.

Yakko:
Wait a minute. You expect us poor innocent children to climb up dangerous scaffolding and paint naked people all over a church? We'll do it! But we're not doing it for the sake of art and we're not doing it for the sake of money. No, we're doing it because... we like painting naked people.

Satan:
And now prepare to suffer indescribable torment!

Yakko:
Another Bob Hope special?

Satan:
You blundering dolts! Don't you realize you've entered the fiery realm of Hades?

Wakko Warner:
Hades?

[runs up to the surface, grabs a snowball, the proceeds to run back and places the snowball on the ground which melts instantly]

Wakko Warner:
Boy, they were right! It didn't have a chance!

Satan:
Little fools! I am Beelzebub, Lucifer, the reaper of souls, the really angry one! I AM SATAN! MWAHAHAHAHAA!

Dot Warner:
That's nothing. I'm...

[in a harsh, raspy voice]

Dot Warner:
Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bobesca the Third! MWAHAHAHAHAHAA!

[voice returns to normal]

Dot Warner:
Just a little thing I do.

Dot Warner:
[pointing at John Smith's hand] What's that all about?

John Smith:
A handshake is how we say "hello".

Dot Warner:
[smiling suggestively at him] Would you like to see how we do it?

Yakko Warner:
Goodnight everybody!

Yakko:
Citiziens of Anvilania. I stand before you, 'cause if I was behind you you wouldn't see me.

Umlatt:
This is the uniform of a great man.

Yakko:
Does he know you're wearing it?

Dot:
Do you think this will work?

Yakko:
It better, we don't have any more comercial breaks.

Arch Bishop:
Your throne, King Yakko.

Wakko:
The throne. How do you lift the lid?

Dot:
Since when did you lift the lid?

Dot:
I think this uniform needs something; something that says "I'm here to destroy you", but with a sense of fun.

Yakko:
I've got a punishment for you that's fair, just, and clever. Or maybe just fairly clever.

Prime Minister Nurse:
[to Yakko] Hurry your majesty, these are desperate times, you must meet the cabinet!

Yakko:
[talking to an actual cabinet] Hello I'm Yakko, nice to meet you. [opens a drawer as if to shake it's hand] Oh, the pleasure's all mine.

Prime Minister Nurse:
[confused] Sire?

Yakko:
[to her] Wait till we're alone! [wiggles his eyebrows suggestively at her]

Dr. Roma:
Alright, Miss Squirrel, just relax and watch the monitor, I'm going to show you scenes from Alan Alda movies, you'll be out in no time.

Slappy:
Couldn't you just hit me on the head with a hammer?

Skippy:
So you're skipping your plastic surgery, Aunt Slappy?

Slappy:
Eh, I'll keep my wrinkles. I earned every one of em.

Skippy:
But what about your comeback?

Slappy:
Forget it. If I have to change my appearance, it's not worth doin'. Skippy, I've learned that looks aren't everything. It's the beauty in your heart that's really important.

Skippy:
Gee, aunt slappy, you sound like an afterschool special.

Slappy:
You're right, I take it all back.

Queen Elizabeth II:
Put some elbow into it! We must have this room ready for the banquet tonight! Chop-chop!

Prince Edward:
Really Mummy, why do we have to redecorate the banquet room?

Queen Elizabeth II:
Because we used up the rest of the budget on the rest of the castle. Now back to work!

Princess Anne:
I'll never be queen!

Prince Andrew:
[holding his paintbrush backwards] My paintbrush doesn't work!

Princess Sarah:
Twit.

Queen Mum:
I don't want to do this poop anymore! I want some tea!

Queen Elizabeth II:
Now, we would like you to begin work immediately.

Wakko Warner:
...Who's like us to begin?

Queen Elizabeth II:
We would. Us. Ourselves.

Wakko Warner:
[Jumping up on Queen Elizabeth and looks down her throat] How many people you got in there? Hello? HELLO?

Queen Elizabeth II:
Get away from us!

Yakko Warner:
She needs therapy. [Plants the queen on a therapy couch] Alright Sybil, whom I'm speaking to now?

Queen Elizabeth II:
We insist that you stop this! You people are crazy!

Yakko Warner:
Look who's talking.

Queen Elizabeth II:
Knock knock!

Wakko Warner:
Who's there?

Queen Elizabeth II:
The Queen!

Wakko Warner:
"The Queen" who?

Queen Elizabeth II:
The Queen of England!

Wakko Warner:
...That's not a very funny knock-knock joke.

Dot:
Are we dead?

Yakko Warner:
Or is this Ohio?

Yakko Warner:
[holding onto Death] We'll all be like a family!

Wakko:
Can we call you "Dadoo"?

Dot:
Hey, Pop, can we stay up past ten?

Yakko Warner:
Can we watch the adult channel?

Yakko Warner, Wakko:
Hellooooooo, Nurse!

[from "Mobster Mash"]

Don Pepperoni:
[to Mobster henchmen] Show these kids the door!

Yakko:
That's OK, we can see it from here.

[Mobster henchmen pick the Warners up and carry them bodily to the door]

Yakko:
Ooh, nice door.

Wakko:
Faboo!

Dot:
Great hinges.

[camera changes to outside the restaurant as the Warners are thrown flying out the door]

Yakko:
[to his siblings] Was it something we said?

[from "Mobster Mash"]

Don Pepperoni:
You come here to this restaurant, sit in my personal and private booth, and *insult* me?

Dot:
Of course not. If we wanted to insult you, we would have called you "Tubby Mushroomhead Man".

[from "Mobster Mash"]

Don Pepperoni:
I can have you all fitted for cement shoes!

Yakko:
Ooh, could I see something in a perky pump?

[Yakko shows a bit of leg]

[from "Mobster Mash"]

Don Pepperoni:
You're gonna be sleeping with the fishies tonight!

Yakko:
Can we all go?

Wakko:
Is Jimmy Hoffa there?

Dot:
Will he read to us?

[from "Mobster Mash"]

Don Pepperoni:
I am Don Pepperoni, the Godfather.

Dot:
Can we call you "Daddoo"?

[from "Mobster Mash"]

Yakko:
So what'll it be Daddoo? The calamari or the squid?

Don Pepperoni:
The calamari *is* squid.

Yakko:
Well, how 'bout the pasta or the noodles.

Don Pepperoni:
The pasta *is* noodles.

Yakko:
Well, would you like red sauce or marinara?

Don Pepperoni:
Marinara *is* red sauce!

Yakko:
Zucchini or squash? Ham or prosciutto? Drink or beverage?

Don Pepperoni:
[yelling] *They're all the same!*

Yakko:
[to Dot] Do you realize this eliminates more than half of our menu?

[from "Mobster Mash"]

Don Pepperoni:
[to Mobster henchmen of the Warners] *Out!*

[the Mobster henchmen again pick up the Warners and carry them bodily to the door. Camera again changes to outside the restaurant as somehow it is Don Pepperoni who is thrown flying out the door]

Don Pepperoni:
[to himself/camera] I am stupefied as to what has just occurred.

[from "Mobster Mash"]

Don Pepperoni:
[to Warners] Out, out, out, out!

[the Mobster henchmen yet again pick up the Warners and carry them bodily to the door]

Yakko:
Was the song really that bad?

[camera yet again changes to outside the restaurant as somehow it is Don Pepperoni and his Mobster henchmen that are thrown flying out the door]

Don Pepperoni, Mobster, Mobster:
[on landing] Ugh!

[from "Mobster Mash"]

Dot:
[to Don Pepperoni] I left my pet in your pocket.

Yakko, Wakko, Dot:
[singing to the tune of Frere Jaques] Frere Warner, Frere Warner/Whats that mean?/Keep it clean/Yakko is a yacker/Wakko is a snacker/Dots plain cute/So's this boot.

[singing]

Miserable Diner:
At the end of my fork is an unknown food product!

Tristesse:
You miserable fool, that's a bit of sardine!

Miserable Diner:
If that's a sardine, then I'm the bloomin' May Queen!

Miserable Diners:
Forgive us, sir, but your gourmet pies are obscene! We want protein!

[all leave]

Les Miseranimals:
Oh save us, God, we're living with a Sweeney Todd!

[singing]

Kitty Ducockis:
Dogs and cats shouldn't fraternize.

Rita:
You want to end up in meat pies?

Cat Ballue:
Rita's right, let's use our paws.

Kitty Litter:
I hate gettin' dirt between me claws!

Rita:
Get over yourself.

Runt:
I'm gonna get help, Rita, definitely, definitely gonna get help. I'll be back, yeah, I definitely will, so, so don't go anywhere, Rita, I'll... definitely, I'll be back. [leaves]

Rita:
Darn. There goes my trip to Aruba.

[singing]

Runt:
Rita, glad I found you safe and sound!

Rita:
Runt, where the blazes have you been?

Les Miseranimals:
Do you hear the poodles bark, barking the barks of angry mutts? It is the high-pitched yap of pedigree dogs whose mouths will not be shut!

Yakko:
I've got the beans!

Wakko:
I got the Ketchup!

Dot:
I got the Buns! [wiggles her bottom, revealing white panties]

Yakko:
Sez you!

Runt:
Rita, wake up!

Rita:
Are we in Chicago?

Runt:
No, this is Nebraska, definitely Nebraska. Or Kansas. Definitely Ohio.

Rita:
Ya blew it, Runt.

[singing]

Rita:
I'm dizzy, in a tizzy./I am acrophobic./Muddled, befuddled./I think in going to be sick./In a spin so unlucky./I can't stand heights./Somebody look at me./I'm helpless as a kitten up a tree.

Runt:
Rita, you need help?

Rita:
No no, no, I'm happy as a pig come to supper.

Runt:
Okay Rita, have fun. I gotta get the fly!

[leaves]

Rita:
Wait! I... can't... get down...

[singing]

Rita:
Just to be fair, I wanna ask ya: What's so great about Nebraska?

Runt:
It's... da...

[spoken]

Runt:
Corn! Definitely da corn!

[Rita and Runt jump off a train into a pile of hay]

Runt:
That was fun! Let's do it again!

Rita:
Oh yeah.

[spits out hay]

Rita:
I just love hay up my nose.

George:
What you got in your hand?

Lennie:
Only a mouse, George?

The Brain:
I hate cameos.

Runt:
[petting a rabbit] Hewwo, little bunny wunnies!

Rita:
You're making me sick.

Cow:
Moooooo!

Rita:
Moo yourself, you lower life form.

[Runt is putting the bunnies to sleep]

Runt:
[singing] It's time to close your bunny eyes/And rest your bunny heads/Sleep all night through/And I hope that you/Won't wet your bunny beds. Definitely don't wanna wet the bunny beds.

Rita:
[aside] Hey, it's a cartoon. What'd you expect, Sondheim?

[repeated line]

Irma, Survey Lady #1:
Wouldja like to take a survey?

Dr. Otto Scratchensniff:
[showing him an ink blot test] What does this remind you of?

Yakko Warner:
Girls

Dr. Otto Scratchensniff:
[shows him another one that looks like a car] What does this remind you of?

Yakko Warner:
Girls

Dr. Otto Scratchensniff:
[shows him another that looks like a burger] What does this remind you of?

Yakko Warner:
[looks carefully at it and thinks for a moment] Uhhhhh, girls!

Dr. Otto Scratchensniff:
[growls angrily at him] You are obsessed with girls!

Yakko Warner:
Hey, you're the one showing me all the sexy pictures!

Rita:
All right, Bub, who are you?

Runt:
My name's Runt, but my master calls me stupid.

Slappy Squirrel:
["The Who" is playing on Stage] Skippy, what's the name of the Band, playing on Stage?

Skippy Squirrel:
Who.

Slappy Squirrel:
The name of the Band.

Skippy Squirrel:
Who.

Slappy Squirrel:
The Band, playing on Stage.

Skippy Squirrel:
WHO!

Slappy Squirrel:
THE BAND!

Skippy Squirrel:
No Aunt Slappy, "The Band" performs later, "WHO" is on Stage!

Slappy Squirrel:
You tell me.

Skippy Squirrel:
Who.

Slappy Squirrel:
The name of the Band.

Skippy Squirrel:
Who.

Slappy Squirrel:
The Band playing on Stage.

Skippy Squirrel:
Who.

Slappy Squirrel:
THAT's WHAT I WANNA KNOW!

Slappy Squirrel:
[Skippy is playing a loud Hard-Rock Band on his Turn-Table] Knock it off with the Bing Crosbys, Stills, n Nash, will ya?

Wakko:
[after trying to play Beethoven's hearing aide as if it were a brass instrument] Where's the mouth piece to this thing?

Beethoven:
It's in my ear.

Wakko:
THAT'S REVOLTING!

The Judge:
Good morning, witch!

Witch Hazel:
Uh, me?

The Judge:
No, you old wombat, the shopkeeper.

Witch Hazel:
[walks away whistling]

Shopkeeper:
But Judge, you know me! I'm no witch!

The Judge:
I know you're holding a broomstick! And only witches have broomsticks! Luke! Taylor! Arrest him!

Runt:
Those were nice pilgrims we stayed with, definitely nice.

Rita:
Yeah, well we'd still be there if you hadn't chased away their turkeys.

Runt:
I forgot. Definitely forgot why I did that.

Horse:
How's it goin', Wilbur?

Runt:
The name's Runt, definitely Runt.

[the horse destroys Runt's shackles]

Runt:
Thanks, horse. Good horse. I've gotta save Rita!

[runs away]

Horse:
[calling after him] If anyone asks how you got free, tell them a cow did it!

[their last lines before departure from the series]

Rita:
[singing to a tune similar to "Beauty and the Beast"] So long, Salem, Mass./Time to say bye-bye./I almost got drowned/Chased right out of town/Boy, did my fur fly./Boston, here we come./Home of beans and tea./Maybe they need pets./Don't take any bets./Still there's you and me.

Runt:
That sure was pretty, Rita. I hope we don't get sued. [close circle]

Yakko Warner:
So 'twas the night before Christmas and all through the house

Dot Warner:
Some creatures was stirring

Wakko Warner:
Including a mouse! [points at Pinky and Brain]

The Brain:
Tonight my dear Pinky our plan is unfurled, we'll steal Santa's sleigh and take over the world!

Pinky:
Brain you're a genius, you simply astound me [accidentally hits Brain with a sack he's carrying knocking him off the tower] Narf Brain's gonna pound me!

Dot Warner:
The stockings were hung so our names clearly showed...

Wakko Warner:
In hopes that old Santa would leave a wide load,

Yakko Warner:
Mwah! Goodnight, everybody!

Dot Warner:
[after Ralph who's dressed as Santa Claus crashes through their ceiling] He was dressed all in furs with a glaze in his eyes, 'cuz the fall knocked him silly

Ralph the Guard:
[Dazed] Duh, happy Easter you guys!

Wakko Warner:
His face how it twinkled, his dimples how merry

Dot Warner:
His cheeks were like roses

Yakko Warner:
[Pointing at Ralph's belly sticking out his shirt] His gut that was scary!

Slappy:
[Wearing a coach's hat] I'd like to say how very happy I am to be here. I'd also like to be stuck on a deserted island with Morey Amsterdam. But I'm not. I didn't ask for this job, and in fact, i'm missin' a Ricki Lake episode, I'm talkin' sacrifice here! Actually, I'm doin' it for my nephew Skippy.

Skippy:
[Hugs Slappy] You're the greatest, Aunt Slappy!

Slappy:
Coachin' does have it's small rewards.

Yakko Warner:
[while chasing Hello Nurse in the space ship] Oh come on, just one little kiss!, I've had all my shots!

Yakko Warner, Wakko Warner, Dot Warner:
[to the tune of "London Bridge Is Falling Down"] L.A. town is falling down/While the ground/Moves around/We won't let it get us down/We're Californians!

The Troll:
[to Wakko] I'm going to eat you, blah!

Wakko Warner:
You can't eat me Mr. Troll, I'm on a contract [holds one up] Warner Brothers would be very upset with you, they'd sue your pants off! [grabs the front of the troll's pants and snaps them back in place causing him to grab his crotch in pain]

Yakko Warner:
[the chorus girls he'd been dancing with leave groaning in exhaustion] Come on one more romp, I'll even get in front this time!, well it was fun while it lasted.

Bea Arthur:
[Bea Arther is sitting at a fancy party with Danny DeVito who is dressed as The Penguin, eating a large bucket of fish] I'm thinking of putting out a swimsuit calendar.

Danny DeVito:
[gags] Not while I'm eating!

Dr. Scratchensniff:
[telling the Warners about a party] The bad news is you can only go if I train you to be polite, clean, well-dressed children on your best behavior.

Dot:
I thought you said it was a party!

Yakko Warner:
[the Warners are playing with a statue of Dr. Scratchensniff] Wow, a giant Pez dispenser!

Dr. Scratchensniff:
Stop playing with my bust!

Yakko Warner:
Mwah! Goodnight, everybody!

Dr. Scratchensniff:
[teaching etiquette with Hello Nurse] "How do you do?" Now you try.

Yakko Warner:
How do you do... that thing with your mouth?

Yakko:
Did you call for the bravest, most daring knight in all the land?

King Arthur:
Oh, yes.

Yakko:
Well, too bad. You got us.

Dot:
What a silly mix-up!

Yakko:
What's green and sits in the corner? A naughty frog.

Peasant:
Dragon! Dragon! Dragon!...

Yakko:
Could someone stop that man from yelling dragon? [an anvil falls on the peasant] Thank you.

Wakko:
Excuse me! Potty emergency!

Skippy Squirrel:
[Bumbie's Mom gets shot] Bumbie's Mommy... WAAAAAAH!

Slappy Squirrel:
[Surprised out of a nap] Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel!

Skippy Squirrel:
WAAAAAH! Bumbie's Mommy!

Slappy Squirrel:
Calm down kiddo, it's just a movie, she not really...

Skippy Squirrel:
...dead, she's dead. Bumbie's an orphan! WAAAAAAAAAH!

Rude Woman:
What is that child's problem?

Slappy Squirrel:
Me, and in about 2 seconds, you're going to share that problem.

Rude Woman:
Well, I never!

Slappy Squirrel:
Well, you should, it's fun.

Bumbie's Mom:
You must be careful on the meadow. There's no cover here from the hunters.

Slappy Squirrel:
We're going to Tumcumcari, New Mexico.

Slappy Squirrel:
Why?

Slappy Squirrel:
To meet Bumbie's Mom.

Skippy Squirrel:
Bumbie's Mom? She's... WAAH!

Slappy Squirrel:
...Pavlov would love this kid.

Slappy Squirrel:
[She catches Skippy glaring at Veena Waleen] What's your problem?

Skippy Squirrel:
That's not Bumbie's mom. She's old!

Slappy Squirrel:
[to the audience] Tactless, yet rude.

Yakko, Wakko & Dot, Wakko, Dot:
Marvin Flaxseed Marvin Flaxseed sis poomb ah. Fighting Irish, Fighting Irish rah, rah, rah!

Dot:
GOOOOOOOOO FLAXSEED!

[Dead silence]

Dot:
Just kidding.

Dot:
[Mr. Flaxseed is getting fearful of falling from the ladder] Don't look down Mister, you might fall, hit your head and die, and your brains would leak ALL over!

[the Warners have encased the candy store owner in a giant chocolate bunny who is taken away by orphans]

Yakko Warner:
Wait'll they get to the creamy filling!

Skippy:
Bumbie's mom... [Bursts out Crying]

Slappy:
[Awaken abruptly by Skippy's crying] Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel!

Yakko Warner:
Tell us, where did you last see your boss?

Hello Nurse:
In the Mambo Room at the Tropicombo Club. A band was playing Latin dance music. I was with the doctor, he mumbled something. The band had a big dumb guy playing drums and everyone was dancing under a pole, then the doctor vanished.

Yakko Warner:
Now, lemme get this straight: He muttered some mumbo-jumbo during the Combo Samba in the Mambo at the Tropicombo. Then there was a jumbo dumbo playing the limbo on the bongos and then he was gone?

Hello Nurse:
That is absolutely correct!

Miles Standish:
[to the Warners] Be gone pests and give me the bird! [referring to their turkey]

Yakko Warner:
We'd love to really, but the Fox censors won't allow it!

Yakko Warner:
[pretending to be a psychologist] So tell me about your hamster, Petey was it?

Miles Standish:
Oh Petey, how I didist love that hamster so, I tooketh him to bed with me every night you know! [Yakko gives him a weird look]

Yakko Warner:
[waving to the audience] Goodnight everybody!

Wakko Warner:
Wanna tell jokes?

Dr. Otto Scratchensniff:
No! No jokes!

Wakko Warner:
It's really funny.

Dr. Otto Scratchensniff:
Oh, alright. But just one joke.

Wakko Warner:
Knock knock!

Dr. Otto Scratchensniff:
Who's there?

Wakko Warner:
Max!

Dr. Otto Scratchensniff:
Max who?

Wakko Warner:
Max wants to come in and go crazy!

Dr. Otto Scratchensniff:
OK. Now that joke wasn't really funny. It didn't even make sense.

Wakko Warner:
It does if you know Max.

Dr. Otto Scratchensniff:
But I don't even know Max!

Wakko Warner:
If you did, you'd be laughing.

Andrea Romano:
I can't believe that guy. I Taft-Hartley'd him on his first job!

The Brain:
I heard that.

[Rita is thrown into a gorilla habitat]

Rita:
Something tells me I'm gonna hate this episode.

Rita:
Put me down, ape-face!

[after giving Rita to Kiki the angry gorilla]

Dr. Himp:
The kitten has placated her!

Dr. Baboo:
Now, either her maternal instincts will overcome her irrationality... or she will tear the kitten's head off. Let's watch!

[Kiki chews on Rita's fur]

Rita:
Cut that out!

[Kiki stops; the fur on Rita's head is sticking way up]

Rita:
Hair by Lyle Lovett.

[being offered leaves that Kiki has just chewed up]

Rita:
No thanks. Call me weird, but monkey saliva takes all the fun out of eating.

[after being fed chewed-up leaves which make her react terribly]

Rita:
I think I'll pass on dessert.

Kiki:
Ooh! Ooh!

[points to Rita]

Rita:
Ohh, I get it. Monkey see, monkey do. No!

[Kiki clobbers her]

Kiki:
Ooh! Ooh!

[points to Rita again]

Rita:
Look, I speak cat, not gorilla, okay?

[Kiki clobbers her again]

Kiki:
[threateningly] Ooh! Ooh!

Rita:
She couldn't possibly bop me again.

[Kiki hits her lightly]

Rita:
Ooh ooh. I'm ooh-oohing.

Rita:
Send in the organ grinder.

Rita:
*You* dated King Kong? No!

[Runt grabs Rita in his sleep]

Runt:
[sleep-talking] Aaaaaahhh! Get away from me, you evil duck! [shakes Rita] Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!

[wakes up]

Runt:
Huh?

[sees Rita]

Runt:
I had a bad dream, Rita. Definitely. Definitely had a bad dream.

Rita:
[of the entire episode] Me too, Runt. Me too.

Sudan Hinsane:
Do you know who I am?

Yakko:
Why, did you forget?

The Brain:
[after being crushed in the gears of the tram] This is a pain that will linger...

Brain:
Come, Pinky, we must prepare for tomorrow night.

Pinky:
Why, Brain? What are we gonna do tomorrow night?

Brain:
Guess.

Einstein:
Cookies? What would I do with cookies?

Dot:
You eat 'em, silly mustache man! Whoa, dumber than advertised!

Yakko:
Don't worry, siblings. We'll sell that nice man a box of cookies, or die trying! Or try dying! Or do some tie-dying!

Yakko:
All right, all right. We get the picture. If you don't want any cookies, then just leave!

Einstein:
I'm not going to leave - this is *my* house.

Yakko:
All right, then *you* leave.

Einstein:
Fine!

Santa Claus:
Ho ho ho, have I got something for you.

Candie Chipmunk:
[sarcastic] Mmmm, a present, from Santa Slappy? Let me guess, could it be... A CAN?

Santa Claus:
Being the jolly representation of the holidays isn't what it use to be.

Some international friendship song!

Wakko:
You've made a little boy very happy, and if he ever meets you, I'm sure he'll thank you.

Yakko :
[Dot goes into a beeped out profanity filled rant after continuously messing up her lines] That's my cute little sister who said that

[blows a kiss to the audience]

Yakko :
Goodnight everybody!

[the Warners are in the woods. Wakko is looking at what is presumed to be a map]

Wakko :
According to this, we've lost our way.

[Yakko takes the map]

Yakko :
This isn't a map, it's a flyer for the Republican party!

Wakko :
'Lost our way as a country', that is.

Yakko :
[Dot goes into a beeped out profanity filled rant after continuously messing up her lines] That's my cute little sister who said that

[blows a kiss to the audience]

Yakko :
Goodnight everybody!

[the Warners are in the woods. Wakko is looking at what is presumed to be a map]

Wakko :
According to this, we've lost our way.

[Yakko takes the map]

Yakko :
This isn't a map, it's a flyer for the Republican party!

Wakko :
'Lost our way as a country', that is.

*IN A DOLLAR STORE*

Wakko:
“Excuse me! How much is this?”

Employee:
“Sir.. Everything is a dollar!”

Wakko:
“Yes, but how much is this?”