Are You Afraid of the Dark?

[repeated line]

Dr. Vink:
Vink's the name. Dr. Vink.

Kid:
Dr. Fink?

Dr. Vink:
Vink. with a va-va-va.

[repeated line, after someone calls him a nutbag behind his back]

Dr. Vink:
And by the way... I am *not* a nutbag!

[repeated line]

Sardo:
Sold! But I'm losing on the deal!

Frank:
I'm dead.

Tucker:
Yeah, from the neck up.

Frank:
Hey - you wanna be dead from the neck *down*?

Madeline Koegel:
[to Stacy] You promised to visit me. I didn't want to be alone on that day. That day is the worst day, and you didn't come. It was a very lonely day for me Stacy, and do you know why? It was my anniversary. Ten years ago, on that day, is the day that I died!

Gary:
Tonight's a special night. Normally, when we meet around this fire to tell tales, each one of us has our own special brand of terror. Some of us tell stories of adventure...

[looks at Tucker]

Gary:
Others have tales of the macabre and grotesque...

[looks at Betty Ann]

Gary:
Some tell about real people trapped in unreal worlds.

[Kiki]

Gary:
Or heroes searching for truth.

[Sam]

Gary:
No two stories are alike. That's because no two of us are alike.

Frank:
[walks up next to him] That's why two of us are telling the story tonight.

Sam:
You're kidding, why?

Frank:
Because it's so major it needs the best of both of us.

Gary:
There's magic in it...

Frank:
And mayhem! It's about an evil power so strong...

Gary:
That it survived for centuries, waiting to step up and spread its terrors...

Max Keegan:
We're alone to whole weekend. What are we gonna do first?

Rush Keegan:
We're not doing anything.

Max Keegan:
I thought we were a team?

Rush Keegan:
We *were* a team. You just got cut.

Max Keegan:
C'mon. You said if I helped you, I could do whatever I want.

Rush Keegan:
You can. Go over to Tony's, stay up all night, I don't care. Just keep out of my face.

Sardo:
The man who gave me this chest said that if anyone could open it, he would give me five-thousand dol... five-thousand dolls. I'm a collector, you see.

[repeated line]

Sardo:
That's Sar*do*! No Mister, accent on the-.

Gary:
Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, we call this story...

[throws powder onto the fire]

Gary, Frank:
The Tale of Cutter's Treasure.

[repeated line]

Sardo:
Have you seen our vomit?

Rush Keegan:
Oh mom, we don't need a babysitter! I'm old enough to handle things!

Dr. Vink:
I suppose it's easier to hide behind your youth than rescue a brother you despise.

Rush Keegan:
I don't despise Max! I want him back!

Dr. Vink:
Then accept your destiny!

Dr. Vink:
Vink's the name. Dr. Vink.

Rush Keegan:
Dr. Vink?

Dr. Vink:
Precisely.

Rush Keegan:
Look, my little brother's in trouble, and...

Dr. Vink:
I know all about it. And I can help you find him, as long as you understand one thing.

Rush Keegan:
What's that?

Dr. Vink:
I am *not* a nutbag.

Max Keegan:
I thought you weren't gonna come.

Rush Keegan:
What are you talking about?

Max Keegan:
You said you hated me.

Rush Keegan:
Look, Max. I said a lot of stupid things I didn't mean. I'm sorry. Can I be on your team again?

Captain Jonas Cutter:
I am so moved I could almost die! But then again, I'm already dead.

Rush Keegan:
I don't know what to do!

Captain Jonas Cutter:
Then there's nothing left for me to do, but to put ya out of my misery!

Captain Jonas Cutter:
Who wants to go first?

Max Keegan:
You do!

Jake:
But it's a play! It's not real!

Sean:
It's as real as them pointy ears.

Erin:
[chanting in demonic voice] Take his soul, and grind it all, and eat it with a fish. The boy be mine, for all of time, this is what I wish.

Quinn:
Whoa, remind - Tucker just gassed you nasty, but you're not ticked?

Andy:
Naw.

Vange:
Friends are like that, Quinn. If you ever get one, you'll know.

Wiley Helphin:
Look around. What's wrong with this picture?

Zach:
Duchamp hasn't dropped any food on his shirt, yet?

Zach:
Answer me this: If Jake the Snake was the greatest, how come nobody ever heard of him?

Carney:
Pick the right door and you'll go free. Pick the wrong door... and there *he'll* be.

Carney:
It's the most fun in the park when you're laughing in the dark.

Weegee:
Kids have seen things in there. They've heard things too.

[first lines]

Betty Ann:
The park was called Playland, and it was the best. You could laugh, and scream, and get scared to death on rides, and stuff up on junk food, and ditch your parents - all on the same night.

Kristen:
That's all, I'm gone. [gets up]

Frank:
What's the matter?

Betty Ann:
I was just getting started.

Kristen:
[packing] This is a clown story; I hate clowns. They're creepy, they give me nightmares, where's my thermos?

Eric:
Oh, oh, I heard of that. They call it Bozophobia.

Betty Ann:
It was Friday night, and Playland was jammed. For thousands of kids, it had everything they wanted. But for *one* kid, it had just a little too much.

Josh:
Man, that was cool.

Kathy:
I know.

Weegee:
That was awesome!

Weegee:
Yeah.

Josh:
Don't give me that; you almost hurled!

Weegee:
Did not.

Josh:
So why were you screaming, "Stop the ride! Oh, please, stop the ride"?

Weegee:
'Cause Kathy was scared.

Kathy:
I was not. You were gonna barf.

Weegee:
You snitch. Maybe I should barf right now - on you!

Weegee:
Most of this is pretty boring.

Josh:
It's *all* pretty boring if you ask me.

Kathy:
We didn't ask you.

Weegee:
Zeebo smoked cigars. The police figured he threw one away inside the spookhouse, because the whole place caught fire - with him inside.

Kathy:
[reading] "The fire spread quickly and attempts to rescue Zeebo were futile. Tragically, the clown perished in the inferno." Eww.

Josh:
[chuckling] Smoking's bad for your health.

Josh:
[laughs by the funhouse mirror] Look at me, I'm Zeebo. Zeebo, Zeebo... [imitating the robber] "Hey, hand over the dough; what do you think I am, some kind of clown?" [turns to walk forward a few steps, turns, then freezes with a gasp as he sees the clown where his reflection should be]

Zeebo:
Hahahaha! What do you think I am, some kind of clown?

Weegee:
Josh, we only HAVE one phone. It's gotta be at YOUR house!

Zeebo:
[Through the telephone to Josh] If you don't give it back... I'll come up and GET IT!

Weegee:
What was THAT? Was that your FATHER? Josh, are you there?

Kiki:
[tauntingly] Give it up, Kristen! You can't take it.

Kristen:
I'm... I'm fine, keep going...

Betty Ann:
[incredulous] O-kay... well, Josh was pretty cocky before, but after he stole Zeebo's nose, he was uncontrollable!

[first lines]

Betty Ann:
An axe-murderer with blood dripping from her grisly weapon.

David:
Or a mummy wrapped in rotten bandages.

Frank:
What about a razor-sharp hook where her hand should be?

Kiki:
No, no - a zombie with sunken eyes and all stiff-like.

Gary:
[comes over] I guess Kristen's up tonight.

Frank:
We're, uh, trying to figure out what act she's gonna pull to scare us.

David:
Well, I liked it when she dressed up as the prom queen.

Julie Dufaux:
This is real, isn't it?

Chris:
I guess. We can't *both* be crazy.

Vange:
I love masks. They can make you be anything. You can be goofy... [dons a clown-mask]

Quinn:
You don't need a mask for that.

Tucker:
Got any masks that'll make you look taller?

Madame Visage:
You think my power can be destroyed *that* easily? You've been watching too much television.

Jessie:
[to Madame Visage with Emma's face] This is getting weird, Emma. I want to leave.

Emma:
[from where she's held with her mask-covered faceless head turned away] That's not me, Jessie!

Jessie:
OK, now I *really* want to leave...

Shelley:
[to the dog of Max] It's OK, boy... Don't eat him. You might get sick.

Shelley:
You can't just erase anything you don't like!

Max:
Yes, I can. And, uh, if you don't stay out of my face... [holds up a piece of paper where he has written "Shelley" with the charcoal]... you'll be next.

Max:
Thanks, Mr. Sardo! [runs out the door]

Sardo:
Sar*do*, Sar*do*!... I've got to get out of this business.

Sardo:
I don't suppose you could draw additions to my house?

Kenny Harris:
[reading legend on tombstone] Remember friends as you pass by, as you are now so once was I. Remember in life that you must die. Yuck!

Cissy Vernon:
Go find your own grave!

Kenny Harris:
Sorry! Didn't see a name on it!

Cissy Vernon:
[Mysteriously] Well look a little closer next time...

Jason:
Hey, you owe me 5 bucks!

Scott:
Get... lost.

Jason:
Listen jock-itch, you stole half my room and I'm not gonna let you steal half my money too!

Scott:
Well, I only have a $10 bill. Now, you're welcome to come and get it, if you like. [waves the $10 bill in front of Jason] I didn't think so.

Chris Leary:
[nervously approaches Roy who slaps a band on his wrist as he enters the doorway] What's this?

Roy:
"The candidate shall be released from all that binds him or her to the physical wordd"; that's what this bracelet does... Now, why don't you wait outside and stop through when your number's called?

Chris Leary:
Step through what? Look, I better go home.

Roy:
You *are* going home. You're going home to the next life.

Chris Leary:
"Next life"? But I'm not done with *this* life yet!

Roy:
Oh, really? Now where did you hear about us?

Chris Leary:
On the radio, in the hearse.

Roy:
[picks up a list] Hm. Ahhh, hearse, hearse, hearse, hearse, hearse... here, here! "Carpenter, Daniel James." Buried this afternoon. Uh - whoo! Missed that crossover point by a long shot. What's the matter, you stayed with the hearse too long, is that it? Well, that happens.

Roy:
Boy, if I had a dime for every time somebody tried to weasel out of death - it would actually do me no good at all, 'casue I'm dead. What do I need money for; I'm dead, what am I gonna do with it, buy gum?

Chris Leary:
But you're making a mistake!

Roy:
I - don't make mistakes... buddy-boy! When I was alive, I worked for the Department of Motor Vehicles!

Roy:
Ever wonder where the term "Your number's up" came from? Well, now you know.

Jamie Leary:
That's my brother; he's not dead!

Roy:
Really?

Chris Leary:
Yes. Finally.

Roy:
Ahh, I don't think so.

Stig:
And if you don't let me in after that story, you haven't been listening to me.

Roy:
He led a nasty life, and he's going to lead a much nastier afterlife. Step outside, your turn is coming.

Roy:
Alright, let's not make a federal case out of this. So I made a teensy weensy little mistake and I was about to send an innocent young boy to his death, what? None of you ever did that before?

Roy:
Look, you take the bracelet off your wrist, put it on his wrist, we'll forget this whole thing ever happened.

Chris Leary:
[to Daniel Carpenter] Aren't you afraid it'll be horrible?

Roy:
It's only horrible if you've led a bad life. If you led a good life, it's the best thing going.

Gary:
Control him or I'll throw you both out!

[first lines]

Sam:
He's not coming, did he call you?

Betty Ann:
No.

Kiki:
Last I heard he was.

Betty Ann:
Maybe he's grounded again.

Tucker:
Or maybe he chickened out on coming here alone. He *is* afraid of the dark.

Sam:
Well, he should've called. [shoulders her pack and prepares to go, then stops when a light beams on her face and a train's engine and whistle are heard]

Frank:
[walking up with a major flashlight and a tape-recorder] Relax. Not everybody *runs* on the same *schedule* as you.

Sam:
[going back to the others as he passes] Cute.

Tim Williamson:
I was just talking to... [looks around but can't find Ray Lawson] Where'd he go? There was a conductor standing right here.

Hank Williamson:
I take it back; the cap's not too big. It's too tight. It's cuttin' off your brain.

Cap Anderson:
Most people look at trains, they don't see nothing but big ol' machines. But trains got more than that. Trains gots a language. The sound of wheels on metal, the sharp whistle, the pure song of bells... that's a train speaking.

Tim Williamson:
Hank, I know you think I'm crazy, and maybe I am, but you've gotta help me!

Hank Williamson:
Forget it. You're *beyond* help, lamewad. [turns to go but Tim grabs his shirt]

Tim Williamson:
I MEAN IT! If we don't do something, Cap is gonna die. And who knows what'll happen to me?

Hank Williamson:
Would you listen to yourself? You're cracking up! You've got to get out of this basement! Dad is *gone*, Tim. This isn't gonna bring him back!

Frank:
So Tim learned about two kinds of magic: train magic, and the kind of magic that happens between brothers [Gary and Tucker look at each other]... and friends. [everyone else share glances]

Cap Anderson:
Go on home now. It ain't natural, kid your age hanging around here with that, now go on! Play baseball, or video thingamajigs, whatever kids your age do, now go on!

Tim Williamson:
But Cap, we're friends!

Cap Anderson:
Get going! Go on! Get going! Stay away from trains, you hear me?

Tim Williamson:
This isn't a joke!

Hank Williamson:
Yeah, the only joke here is YOU, you little - [the model train on the table starts moving] How'd you do that?

Tim Williamson:
I didn't.

Hank Williamson:
Well, who did?

Tim Williamson:
[Tim stares at the model] Train magic.

Cap Anderson:
Leave the boy alone! Get on your ghost train and go!

Cap Anderson:
It's train magic, Timothy! The most powerful kind!

Tim Williamson:
Ray Lawson, this is not my train... and we're getting off.

Cap Anderson:
He doesn't have a train anymore. He has no watch. He has nothing but these old tracks and the night.

Tim Williamson:
Train magic.

Hank Williamson:
What just happened here?

Tim Williamson:
I think I just got rid of a couple of ghosts.

Cap Anderson:
Ray Lawson!

Ray Lawson:
You must be Cap.

Cap Anderson:
Don't matter who I am. Leave the boy alone! Get on your stupid ghost train and go!

Ray Lawson:
[shakes his head] Sorry, can't do that. Gotta keep the schedule.

Tim Williamson:
Cap, you're not gonna believe this. I was playing with my toy train and I ended up on it and there were all of these weird people and I pulled the emergency brake and I think I fell because the next thing I know, I'm in the cellar.

Cap Anderson:
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Come on, there. Hey, are you all right?

Tim Williamson:
Yeah, yeah, I think so. I t's just that at first I was dreaming.

Cap Anderson:
Well, maybe you were.

Tim Williamson:
No, I wasn't! It really happened. What was it, Cap?

Cap Anderson:
Well, it could have been nothing. Could have been your imagination. Maybe it could have been train magic.

Tim Williamson:
What's train magic?

Cap Anderson:
It depends on how you see it, Timothy. You see most people look at trains. They don't see nothing but big old machines. A train has got more than that. A train has got it's own language. Sound of wheel of metal. Sound of whistle. A pure sound of bells. It's a train speaking if you know how to listen.

Kiki:
So who's this mystery guy we've been hearing about?

Betty Ann:
[helps the person up] Guys - my friend Sam.

[takes the bag off HER head]

Tucker:
[grinning in amazement] Your guy's a girl!

Kiki:
"Sam"?

Sam:
It's Samantha. My friends call me Sam.

Frank:
[comes over] Yo, Sam, I'm Frank, and I think you're the hottest thing around this campfire.

Sam:
Thanks. *You* can call me Samantha.

[takes the hands he holds out to shake and squeezes them painfully]

Frank:
Ow, ow! Mercy, mercy!

Tucker:
[laughing] The babe's got bite!

[Kelly holds up a vest with Sarah's medals pinned to it]

Kelly:
Is she like, too perfect or what? Here's the one she got for jumping out of an airplane and living! Oh and here's the one she got for cleaning up all the pollution in the whole world! He's the one she got for never doing anything wrong, ever... of course, everybody gets that one.

Gary:
Gaze into the crystal ball of the fortune-teller. They say it allows a glimpse into the future... I see that Kiki has an incredible voice. She will someday be a famous singer.

Kiki:
Cool.

Gary:
Betty Ann's compassion and intelligence will lead her into a career in medicine.

Betty Ann:
Really?

Gary:
[nods and moves on] Stig will be... a professional wrestler.

Stig:
Yes!

Gary:
Sam's love for adventure will make her a famous explorer - maybe searching the ocean depths, where no one has gone before.

Sam:
I *like* this game.

Gary:
And, Tucker... he will clean elephant-cages at the zoo.

Justin:
Wanna buy a little brother?

Ben:
Naw. I already got a lizard.

Sardo:
Well, I'm afraid that any liability resulting from magical doors is strictly the responsibility of the owner - that's you. That's in the, uh, fine print of any oral contract.

Justin:
But I saw a girl!

Sardo:
Consider yourself lucky. Now, good day!

Sardo:
I'm changing my name. It's finally driven me out of my mind.

Tucker:
[with the crystal ball as Gary stands] Let's see if *I* can tell the future. I see... I see a guy standing up and saying "I declare this meeting of the Midnight Society closed."

Gary:
[walking toward the fire with the water-bucket] I declare this, meeting...

Tucker:
"Give it to me, Tucker!"

Gary:
Give it to me, Tucker!

Tucker:
[laughs] Hey, this thing really works!

Kiki:
[takes it] Let me try. Yeah, you're right; I see. I see a little guy, and he's being pounded by a big guy with glasses.

Ricky Winter:
Hey, move!

Belinda:
It's time... to get to know each other.

Ricky's Mom:
If there's any chance you could get him to turn off the television, I...

Belinda:
Don't worry; I brought some books for us to read.

Ricky's Mom:
Good luck.

Ricky Winter:
Belinda! There's a...

Belinda:
Knight in your room, and a ghost in the hall. I know.

Belinda:
Don't worry; it's just your imagination.

Ricky Winter:
That's no imagination! They're real!

Belinda:
You had no idea what you were reading, did you?

Ricky Winter:
Forget the stupid books, there's a...

Belinda:
They CAME from books; now if you help me, you can get rid of them.

Ricky Winter:
[trying to finish the story from his own imagination] Okay okay, how about this? They ran down to the basement, where he kept his... Uzi. Yeah, his Uzi! Just in case of attacks by knights, ghosts and other nasty things.

[nothing happens]

Belinda:
'Fraid not.

Ricky Winter:
Why not? What's wrong with that? It's a good ending!

Belinda:
Maybe for some silly TV show or something, but it doesn't make sense in this story.

Ricky Winter:
What happened?

Belinda:
Story's almost over.

Ricky Winter:
[takes the book and reads] Never again would he place limits on his own imagination, no matter what terrors he was capable of conjuring. For he knew he could no longer live in a world of willful ignorance. The end.

Belinda:
[blocking the door so the witch can't get in] That should do... for now.

Ricky Winter:
For now? What do you mean 'for now'? Make it go away!

Belinda:
[giggles] Sorry, can't.

Ricky Winter:
You CAN'T?

Belinda:
You are INTO the stories now, you have to finish them. But, since you burned my books, you're going to have to use YOUR imagination, IF you don't want to end up being HER dinner.

Ricky Winter:
What do I do?

Belinda:
I'd finish off the story, fast.

Ricky Winter:
But the book's gone!

Belinda:
Then make it up!

Ricky Winter:
Make it up?

Belinda:
Sure, go for it, it's YOUR story now.

Ricky Winter:
[trying to finish the story with his imagination] Let's see... some weird stuff happened... then it went away, and they lived happily ever after, the end. [nothing happens] It didn't work!

Belinda:
Sorry! [makes incorrect buzz noise] That is cheating. You're gonna HAVE to do better than that.

Ricky Winter:
Cheating? How can I cheat? I don't even know what I'm doing.

Belinda:
Uh oh. [steps away as battleaxe smashes through the door] I hate when this happens.

Ricky Winter:
When what happens? How did you know that was going to happen?

Belinda:
You have gotten two stories all mixed up. It really makes things stick. [witch enters kitchen] Run!

Betty Ann:
We tell all kinds of horror stories, about demons and ghosts and stuff, and no matter what a story's about, there's only one thing that makes it really scary.

Sam:
What's that?

Betty Ann:
Your imagination.

Tucker:
Huh?

Betty Ann:
If you're really into a story, you become part of it and you start to imagine what horrible thing might be sneaking around the corner, ready to pounce. And you start to wonder what you'd do if you were the one facing the monster. It's your imagination that gets you into a story, and unless you're very careful, you might need your imagination to get you out. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story The Tale of the Bookish Babysitter.

Gary:
OK, Eric, born April 28. That means you're exactly - 5,450 days, 17 hours, 15 minutes, and 37 seconds old. So - what've you been *doing* all this time?

Eric:
Waiting for Kiki.

Kristen:
Where'd she go?

Eric:
[grinning] Must be nature calling.

[a flash and clicking noise startles him]

Eric:
What the - ?

Frank:
[several more occur, with the last one appearing to be aimed for him] Hey, it's a flasher.

Kiki:
Gotcha!

[comes over and gives everybody a photo]

Kristen:
Ew, gross, my eyes are all red!

Eric:
I look 5,000 *years* old, not 5,000 *days*!

Kiki:
What you see's what you get, old man.

Peter Kirlan III:
You don't know what you're doing.

Danny Sellman:
I know what you're doing. You're stealing other peoples' souls so that you can stay young. How old are you really? Eighty? Ninety?

Peter Kirlan III:
Don't be foolish, Danielle, I'm offering you eternal youth!

Danny Sellman:
You're a twisted, old man!

Peter Kirlan III:
I am a scientist!

Danny Sellman:
You're a monster!

Betty Ann:
[looks at the photo Kiki flashed of her] It's like a ghost becoming real.

Gary:
When's your birthday, Kiki?

Eric:
Can we just get to the story?

Betty Ann:
Yeah, come on.

David:
Come on guys, let's go.

Kiki:
Okay, give me the pictures.

Kiki:
Sometimes a camera sees more than the naked eye. Some Indian tribes hated to have their pictures taken because they thought the camera captured your soul. And maybe they were right. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story, The Tale of the Captured Souls.

Old Man:
Danny.

Danny Sellman:
Peter?

Old Man:
Goodbye, Danny. I'm going out back now, to join my family. It's been far too long. Enjoy your youth, while you can.

Danny Sellman:
[finds a camera in the medicine cabinet mirror] Dad, come here quick! Dad! Look, there's something really weird going on here.

Doug Sellman:
It's just the old wiring.

Danny Sellman:
In a mirror?

Danny Sellman:
[looking at the tombstones in a graveyard] Peter Kirlan the Third, born 1907. No date. He could still be alive.

Peter Kirlan III:
This must be your lovely daughter, Danielle.

Danny Sellman:
Uh, yeah. That's right. Danny.

Danny Sellman:
21 men, 15 women, 34 kids, 10 dogs?

Peter Kirlan III:
So you found our little plot?

Danny Sellman:
Who are you? What do you think you're doing to us?

Peter Kirlan III:
You were right. It's all done with mirrors but you have cleverly managed to avoid. After tonight, you'll be all alone just like me. You can stay on in the house with me if you like. We can be friends you and me.

Danny Sellman:
What do you mean I'll be all alone?

Peter Kirlan III:
Your parents are checking out tonight.

Danny Sellman:
What?

Peter Kirlan III:
Oh yes! They've entered the final phase. It won't be long now.

Danny Sellman:
You leave my parents alone!

Peter Kirlan III:
Why should I, Danielle? We can be young forever.

Danny Sellman:
You're crazy!

Peter Kirlan III:
No! I'm very, very smart. But if you won't join me, I'll have to use you too. [Danny takes his picture which temporarily blinds him and runs off] It's too late! You don't have any time!

Brother Septimus:
[while throttling Sardo] Either you retrieve the amulet, or I shall slice open your miserable carcass, and serve you to the plague rats of the abyss!

Evil Chameleon:
Bit you once, bit you twice, a little water, and pay the price.

Janice Robinson:
[When Sharon sprays the Evil Chameleon] Kill it!

Sharon:
[after she throws the Evil Chameleon down the well] It's really you, isn't it?

Janice Robinson:
Yes! And can you please get me out of this creepy dress?

Sharon:
Welcome back, Jan! [They hug and then they leave the well]

[last lines]

Frank, Gary:
Nice outfit.

Mike Carter:
Whenever you get snotty with somebody, whenever you hurt someone, or you're selfish or you insult someone...

Sam Carter:
Yeah, yeah, I better not pout, I better not shout, 'cause Santa Claus is comin' to town!

Sam Carter:
[to Mike] What are you looking at, turdface?

Gary:
Tonight, I've got a special story... There's an old saying, "What goes around, comes around." In my story, one kid finds out that no matter what you do, good or bad, it always comes back at you. It's great if you do something nice, but if you do something rotten... watch out. It's coming back, and probably when you least expect it. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story... The Tale Of The Crimson Clown.

Crimson Clown:
Hello, Sam! Stay tuned, you're next!

Crimson Clown:
Sam, you're a bad kid. Do you know what we do to kids like you?

Sam Carter:
Help!

Crimson Clown:
No one will help you, Sam. You're a bad kid. No one wants to help a bad kid.

Sam:
[of their childhood photos] So why did we have to bring these things anyway?

Betty Ann:
Because photos tell the future.

Tucker:
They do?

Betty Ann:
Sure. Look at Gary's picture. [everyone laughs] You can already tell he's gonna be very serious. And look at Kiki's smile. You know she's gonna be trouble.

Kiki:
[grinning as everyone else laughs again] You got that right.

Tucker:
What does that dumb look on Frank's face mean?

Betty Ann:
Some kids are born to lead, others, to follow. And some kids, like Matt Dorney, are born victims.

[first lines]

Gary:
Uh, heights. I'm not good with heights. I, uh, get sick.

Kiki:
Dogs. I was bitten when I was a kid... Whenever I see one, I cross the street.

Sam:
Birds.

Tucker:
"Birds"?

Sam:
I'm afraid they're gonna fly in my face or something.

Tucker:
[shaking his head] Weird.

Betty Ann:
The attic. I can't go up there alone. No way.

Tucker:
Slasher movies.

Gary:
Doesn't count!

Kiki:
Cheat.

Tucker:
What can I say? I'm not afraid of anything.

Frank:
Yeah. We'll see.

Tucker:
What're *you* scared of, tough guy? That box?

Frank:
[Waves it threateningly at Tucker and pats his shoulder warningly as he passes] It's no secret - I'm afraid of the dark.

Kiki:
[high-fives Gary] Yes! He admits it!

[last lines]

Tucker:
That's weak. What if there's nothing you're afraid of? The room wouldn't work.

Frank:
That's right; nothing scares you, does it? Maybe you should be the first to, uh, reach into the unknown. [holds out the box, Tucker stands]

Tucker:
What's in it?

Frank:
What's the difference? You're not scared of anything anyway.

Tucker:
[looks at the others]... Yeah, that's right. [approaches it, reaches out to touch it, then draws his hand back] Forget it! [leaves]

Gary:
So... what's in it?

Frank:
Exactly what Tucker's afraid of. [opens it] Nothing.

Dr. Vink:
And by the way... I am *not* a nutbag!

David:
My story is indeed about magic. The kind that Gary likes, that dazzles and amazes, but is still strangely real. But the magic in my story is more intense than the kind that comes from incantations or elixirs. It's the kind of magic that comes from inside of us. A kind of magic that can be used for good... or incredible evil.

Keith Saunders:
[Reading from Sardo's tome] Before bringing out the best, one must fight the dark dragon from within.

Frank:
[to Eric] You're gonn pay for this, man!

Gary:
Well, don't kill him yet; he's telling the story tonight.

Christina:
What's the matter, Andy, afraid of the dark?

Eric:
Well, everyone knows that there's nothing in the dark that can hurt you. Most of the time.

Andy Carr:
[misquoting "Hello. Come on in"] It said "Come in, and I will suck your blood", or something like that.

Eric:
Andy was like hypnotized. He didn't remember anything that happened. Which means, he didn't know enough to never go down in the basement again.

Andy Carr:
[preparing to get revenge on Koda] Howdy, Neighbor.

Andy Carr:
What's the matter, Koda? You're not afraid of the dark, are you?

Betty Ann:
Tucker's nominating someone?

Tucker:
Why not? He's a friend of mine.

Kiki:
You say that like it's a good thing.

Stig:
I figure I have to impress you guys, so... I'm giving it my best shot. A lot of people don't like the way I am. They're always telling me I gotta clean up my act. But sometimes, things are the way they are for a reason, and if you go making changes, that shouldn't be made... You could end up with a whole mess of trouble. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story... The Tale Of The Dead Man's Float.

Clorice:
What a geek

Greta:
I think he's cute. Like a puppy you want to take care of.

Clorice:
More like a puppy you need to clean up after.

Charlie Dempster:
It's back.

Clorice:
Yo, Red! Catch!

Kiki:
What a stink,don't let him next to the fire! He might explode!

Clorice:
[referring to the boy's washrooms] If this is your big surprise, I've seen it already.

Greta:
I thought you didn't like puppies!

Greta:
He's helping me with chemistry!

Greta:
Yeah, right.

Zeke Matthews:
What was that about puppies?

Clorice:
Nothing!

Uncle Pete:
You didn't tell her what Marge Henderson said about the house, did you?

Aunt Sally:
Shh. She might hear you! No, of course not. Anyway, Marge was beside herself with grief; she didn't know what she was saying.

Uncle Pete:
Maybe not, but she said it pretty clearly: "It was the house that got her!"

Uncle Pete:
Hey Melissa! I've got some work to do on the septic tank! Wanna lend a hand?

Melissa:
Gee, septic tank, sounds like fun, but uh, I think I'll pass...

Erica:
Go... you don't want to lose her again.

Johnny:
You know, you were always my favorite sister.

Erica:
I'm your only sister. Goodbye Johnny. I love you.

Johnny:
You promise not to laugh if I tell you something?

Erica:
[grins] No.

Johnny:
[gives her a look] I've been having these really weird dreams lately. About this beautiful girl, with long hair and amazing eyes.

Erica:
Yeah, so? You and every other guy.

Linda:
Don't let them fill up on cake. I don't wanna have to deal with sugar-fiends when I get back.

Dan Preston:
Who? The kids... or the guys?

Linda:
Both! [the firefighters laugh]

Roxy Preston:
How do you know so much about ghosts?

Jake Griffin:
Takes one to know one. [disappears]

Tucker:
This is all about tellin' the tales.

Vange:
[grinning with Megan] *Scary* tales.

Tucker:
Exactly. I know you guys, just like my brother Gary knew the friends *he* brought here. We all love stories that are weird and scary. And this secret place is where we tell those stories. 'Cause when we enter the circle, we leave reality behind, and enter a dark world, where *anything* can happen.

[everyone starts as they notice the fire before them light up, Andy grins and goes from where he started it to sit as Tucker reaches in the hollow stump and removes the pouch]

Tucker:
Vange, Andy, Megan, Quinn. Are we ready?

[everyone nods]

Tucker:
Then the first one's mine. Submitted for the approval of the *New* Midnight Society...

Peter:
Aww, what'sa matter, can't your widdle wegs keep up?

Monica:
[evenly] I'm just not as big as you.

Peter:
If you don't like it, go home and play dolls!

Monica:
Why is he so mean to me?

Mark:
He used to be like that to me too, until I proved I was as good as he was.

Monica:
In other words, he's a jerk.

Mark:
[grins] Yeah - pretty much.

Monica:
Who dumped a bike down here?

Peter:
Someone who can't take the heat.

Peter:
Let's each take a different path.

Monica:
*That's* a bad plan; we should stick together.

Peter:
Hey, I don't see *you* comin' up with any better ideas.

Monica:
It was your *last* idea that got us stuck here.

Peter:
Yeah, and *this* idea's gonna get us out. So *move*.

Monica:
[heard through the crystal in the Pitchfork Tree] Something weird is going on here...

Mark:
[sarcastically] Yeah, ya think?

[last lines]

Tucker:
We're back.

David:
I say we rename it 'The Heatwave Society' and tell the story by my uncle's pool.

Gretta:
The police caught him in the woods out back and put him on the train to prison. End of story.

Maylene:
Gretta, dear, that wasn't my understanding. I heard he never made it to prison. The train crashed, and everyone on it was killed. They never found the body... Tea?

Gary:
I declare this meeting of the *Heatwave* Society closed.

Ghost:
[Repeating eerily] I'm, cold...

Marsha Wood:
John! I'm making pizza waffles, you want one?

Marsha Wood:
[watching TV] Got a call from school today, Ethan.

John Wood:
They said you were reading comic books in class again.

Ethan Wood:
Mr. Wrightson hates me.

Marsha Wood:
He doesn't hate you, he just doesn't want to see you wasting your time on comic books.

John Wood:
This is the end, son. We get one more call like that and there'll be no more comic books for you until you're finished college.

Ethan Wood:
What?

Marsha Wood:
It's for you own good, honey; those silly comic-books are an addiction.

[both parents laugh uproariously at something on-screen]

Tommy:
A guy went up yesterday and never left, so he probably got the job.

Dotty:
Was he a rather large man?

David:
You mean tubby. Yeah, about like you.

Mr. Collins:
Careful, young man, one slip, and you're hamburger meat.

Tommy:
I'm not breaking in there.

David:
It's not breaking in if you have a key.

Tommy:
Where're we going to find the proof they're cannibals? On second thought, don't answer that.

David:
They're making her pineapple cider!

Tommy:
So?

David:
Every time somebody disappears, that's what the cannibals gave them!

Kristen:
Why don't you just tell them?

Frank:
[mockingly] What's the matter, poor Davey upset about something?

David:
That's why.

Augie Wilson:
[a tone sounds] I think that means dinner.

Jasmine 'Jazz' Wilson:
[robotically] My programming tells me, you're correct. I will follow.

Augie Wilson:
What's going on?

Jasmine 'Jazz' Wilson:
You're the genius; you tell me.

Augie Wilson:
You're a monster!

Mrs. Taylor:
[giggles] Oh, really? You haven't seen anything yet!

Amy Pease:
[reading a tombstone] "As you are, so I was. As I am, so will you be." Nice thoughts.

Amy Pease:
What is that?... A bone?

Pam:
[looking wistful] Mon Petit Rouge.

Amy Pease:
...What?

Pam:
Mon Petit Rouge!

Amy Pease:
[With nervous laughter] What is happening to you?

Pam:
[Holds up the bone, a human finger bone, and smiles] It's a gift from the fox. He leaves me PRESENTS!

Amy Pease:
Very nice, now... let's go. [takes the bone and drops it back on the ground]

Giles:
Hello... Dora. I was wonderin' when you'd get around to yer chores.

Pam:
I've come to feed the hounds.

Giles:
[scolding] You should have fed them while they were ALIVEEEEE!

Pam:
...I couldn't get back until now.

Giles:
I was all torn up when you died. Oh, my little Dora...

Amy Pease:
She is NOT Dora!

Giles:
[angrily] When I found them, they were nearly STARVED! They leapt at me! I couldn't keep 'em down! I... I got away, but... my HEART! MY HEART!

Pam:
I'm so sorry, Giles!

Giles:
[Shuffling towards the two girls] WHY DIDN'T YA FEED THE HOUNDS?

Pam:
[Holding a Oiuja Board] Mom says that she and Aunt Dora used to do this when they were kids.

Amy Pease:
[the board's pointer starts moving in a circle] You're doing this, right?

Pam:
...No. [the board's pointer begins moving to various letters]

Pam:
L... E... T... M... E... O... U... T!

Amy Pease:
...Late Mout?

Pam:
No... no, it's spelled 'Let me out!'

Amy Pease:
Let me out?... Maybe it's that rodent calling from Aunt Dora's box!

Betty Ann:
My dad says Elvis is the King.

Amy Pease:
This is feeble! Don't you do anything around here except play games? What are we gonna do next, Death Row, shuck some corn?

Pam:
Come on, humor me.

Andy:
Something happened last weekend, and it's been bugging me.

Tucker:
[patting his shoulder as he passes him with the water-bucket to sit] What was it?

Andy:
Well, my family was having this big old cookout. We were playing badminton, and the birdie got stuck up high in this tree.

Quinn:
Whoa, man. That's a drag. I can see why you're bummed.

Megan:
Quinn... So, what happened?

Andy:
Well, nobody could get it, it was so high. I got my slingshot. I'm a *pretty* good shot... and, well, I nailed it. First time. It fell right down.

Vange:
[grinning] Cool.

Quinn:
Luck.

Andy:
Yeah. My brother thought so too. That's when this bird flew into the tree, even higher than the birdie. My brother said, "If you're so good, hit that bird." And it looked so far away, I never thought I'd come close.

Tucker:
...But you did.

Andy:
Yeah. I did. It fell out of the tree fluttering down. I ran up to it. But it was already...

Quinn:
[grinning] Nice shootin', Dead-Eye.

Andy:
Dead-Eye's right. I looked at the poor thing. It was a morning dove. All I could think of was, One second ago it had been alive. And because of me...

[Quinn gets it and lowers his head]

Andy:
Things are born, things die, that's the way it goes. But if you're going to step in and take nature into your own hands, you'd better be ready to deal with it. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story the Tale of the Hunted.

Laura:
You might have some romantic notion about bringing fun into your life, but this isn't the old days, Diana! People don't have to hunt wild animals for food anymore.

Gar:
But... it's different out there in the wild! It's about survival!

Laura:
[incredulous] Survival? Can't pack a lunch?

Gar:
But they're dangerous! Wolves are a threat to Man! Like The Blaze!

Laura:
[sharply turns around and glares at Gar] You know as well as I do that there isn't a single case of a wolf attacking a person! You guys just like to shoot defenseless animals.

Gar:
[voice wavering slightly] W... we don't always shoot 'em! Sometimes we trap the wolves, that's humane!

Laura:
Oh, yeah? You wanna know about trapping? An animal can be caught in a trap for weeks, starving and frightened! Then a trapper comes along with a big club and beats them to death! You call THAT humane?

Gar:
It's quick and painless.

Laura:
You wouldn't think that if it were happening to you.

Gar:
But they're animals!

Laura:
And so are we!

Gar:
[looking disgusted] Come on Diana, let's go... this girl's on another planet.

Hank:
[while holding Diana's baseball cap] So help me if my little girl's hurt... that beast is gonna PAY!

Tucker:
Stig's not taking off the bag until you can accept him for who he is.

Kiki:
Yeah, a psycho.

Betty Ann:
[leans in toward Stig] You're not making points this way.

Gary:
Yeah, and you're not getting in the Midnight Society this way 'cause Kiki's up tonight, so take it off.

Tucker:
[Stig whispers something to him] Stig says go ahead. He can wait.

Gary:
Go on, Kik.

Kiki:
OK. I got my idea from a book on symbols.

Tucker:
[laughing] Like in a band? Short book.

Kiki:
No, Slick. Symbols. Like signs? Drawings? It showed how ancient Egyptians used symbols to communicate.

Betty Ann:
Yeah. They drew pictures instead of letters.

Kiki:
Exactly. So I was thinking about how much we use symbols, too. [draws a piece-sign in the sand with a stick] This is a symbol... [draws a star] And this... [a smiley-face] Even this. We all know what they mean. Unless you have a bag over your head.

Tucker:
Stig says he can't breathe. WHAT?

Kate:
Ew, gross!

Aunt Yvonne:
What do you now? An old love knot!

Kate:
A love knot?

Aunt Yvonne:
Ladies used to tie up a lock of hair and give it to their boyfriends. It was a sign of undying love.

Kate:
Ugh!

Claudia:
My aunt's place is kinda like Old Folks' Central.

Kate:
Yeah I know, I help out there some times. Did Mr. Duncan start talking about his gas yet?

Kate:
Uh, as a matter of fact... yeah.

Tara Martin:
Who are you?

Lurker:
A mistake of evolution.

[last lines]

Andy:
I was just warming up.

Beth:
Anyway, one day her mom got a letter. Her dad, who was away in the war, had gotten sick, so she sent the little girl to stay with her grandmother while she went away to take care of him. Only the little girl didn't make it to her grandmother's, because on the way some mean kids surrounded her, and teased her. She ran back home to get away from them. They followed her, right to her very own home. They locked her in her bedroom, and she didn't escape alive.

Amanda Cameron:
What happened?

Beth:
No one knew she was there. Her mom didn't come back for weeks, and her grandmother didn't even know she was coming. When they found her... she was dead.

Beth:
NO! If you touch her contaminated wrinkly old hand, I'll ever let you touch my things again!

Beth:
I heard my parents talking once. I think she must've been driven insane by the ghost... which reminds me, there's a pool party over at Sally's on Saturday! I suppose you wanna come?

Amanda Cameron:
Sure!

Beth:
Don't get too excited; you can't come unless you go through the initiation.

Amanda Cameron:
The night in the haunted house?

Beth:
You got it! Tomorrow night... Pleasant dreams.

Beth:
And she's so weird! I'm too old for a nanny; why doesn't she just leave?

Aunt Dottie:
Beth, I'm not going to argue. I told you before, she has nowhere to go. I wish she did, but she doesn't!

Aunt Dottie:
Sweetie, what in the world did your mother put in here?

Amanda Cameron:
Books!

Aunt Dottie:
Books? Feels like you brought a whole set of encyclopedias!

Eddy:
Don't worry, Jonah. The bogeyman won't eat you. You're too small.

Pete Matt:
I know you think I'm kind of a geek...

Katie Halloran:
You're not a geek, Pete. You're a nerd.

Pete Matt:
[he and Katie embrace triumphantly] YES!

Katie Halloran:
Yeah!

Pete Matt:
Let's hug again!

[first lines]

Gary:
Well, friends come and go, and I'm sorry to say that two of our good friends, have gone. David and Kristen's families have moved. We won't hear their stories anymore, but they'll always be a part of the Midnight Society. We'll miss them.

Andy:
Fortune cookies aren't about eating, they're about telling your fortune.

Vange:
Great - "Doomed to starve", that's *my* fortune.

Megan:
[reading her fortune] "You're a beautiful star that shines in the night." Yeah, that's about right.

Megan:
So what does yours say?

Quinn:
It, uh... uh... it doesn't say nothing. It's blank.

Vange:
Uh-oh. That's bad. It means you have *no* future!

David Lee:
It isn't fair. I do all the work around here; you never give me a break.

Dad:
Everyone pitches in.

David Lee:
Yeah, but no one works as hard as *I* do. If it weren't for me, this stupid restaurant would go under. You know, I wish I *would* go under so I wouldn't have to slave here anymore.

Dad:
I will pretend I didn't hear that!

Theresa Lee:
You know, I'm not a dope; you don't have to worry about me all the time.

David Lee:
No. Just when I'm awake.

David Lee:
[of the angel pin she gave him for helping him study] What's this for?

Theresa Lee:
Because, you're my guardian angel.

Grandfather Lee:
You have grand dreams, David. But remember, there is a time for everything. Appreciate what is *before* your eyes, for he who looks too far down the road ahead, may wander off the path for him.

David Lee:
Yeah... Thanks, Gramps.

[he grins and heads off]

David Lee:
And that means...?

Theresa Lee:
How should I know? He gave *you* the box.

David Lee:
[reading] "One should learn perfect existence through imperfect existence"... What kind of a dumb fortune is that?

David Lee:
You gotta help me. I don't know what to do.

Theresa Lee:
You can start by leaving.

David Lee:
You really *don't* know me. It's like I never was a part of this family.

Theresa Lee:
Lucky you.

David Lee:
[sees the comic based off his characters on the bed with her things] You know, I created this.

Theresa Lee:
Yeah? You must be pretty rich, then. So Mr. Comic-Book Dude, does being rich make *you* happy?

David Lee:
Wait - please. Those fortune cookies - I don't know, they have some kind of magic in them. They're the only way; I have to make things right again.

Theresa Lee:
Right? What do you mean, right? You're a rich comic-book guy; things are perfect for you.

Cindy:
How can you be so vain and not have a mirror in your bathroom?

Nurse:
I'm losing my patience...

A.J.:
You're losing *both* your patients!

Vange:
If you get really sick, somebody's got to take care of you, somebody who knows how to make you better, and you have to trust that person, because they know what's best for you, right? Well, what would happen if the one person who was taking care of you, was the one person in the world you should fear the most, and nobody believed you? Nobody knew? And nobody could help? Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story The Tale of the Night Nurse.

Grampa:
What's all the fuss?

AJ:
I-I-I saw a girl, and she disappeared!

Grampa:
You saw the birthday girl?

AJ:
You know?

Grampa:
You see, a long time ago, a little girl just about your age AJ, fell down the front stairs during her birthday party.

AJ:
That's what I saw! She was carrying presents! It was her birthday!

Nicki:
She died on her birthday?

Grampa:
She didn't die in the fall. She hurt her leg and had to stay in bed. The girl's mother hired a nurse to take care of her at night. But as the story goes, the nurse was a little crazy. One night when the girl was sleeping, the crazy nurse filled a hypodermic needle with poison and gave it to her while she slept. Poor thing, never woke up.

Nicki:
She was murdered? Why?

Grampa:
Nobody knows, that night nurse claimed she was innocent until the day she died, in prison.

Nicki:
...Cool.

Grampa:
I was hoping you girls wouldn't be bothered while you were here, because I didn't want you getting all scared.

Nicki:
Bothered? By what?

Grampa:
Well, the ghost.

Nicki:
[reading old newspaper] Night Nurse Convicted in Death of Girl. What a creep.

AJ:
Why do you think she keeps coming back?

Nicki:
Unfinished business, that's always why ghosts come back.

AJ:
Maybe she's trying to tell us something.

Amanda:
[shocked to see the body in the morgue] It's Felix!

Colin:
Who?

Amanda:
Felix. He works on maintenance!

Colin:
Not anymore, he's like... really dead.

Amanda:
[of the phone] It's dead.

Colin:
Just like Felix.

Amanda:
[running into him after seeing Felix in the morgue] Jack! What happened to Felix?

Jack Palmer:
[approaching, causing them to back away] Felix? Felix is just fine.

Colin:
Depends on your definition of fine!

Jack Palmer:
Why don't we go see him?

Colin:
You go - tell him we say hi!

Colin:
How can you be 'sorta' dead?

Eric:
[to Bet] You always tell the same kind of story. It's kind of gross, but everyone always lives happily ever after. *Boring*.

Frank:
So what's your problem? You're kind of gross and boring too.

Kiki:
[Eric makes a yak-yak-yak noise at him, she laughs] Goof!

Betty Ann:
Things *are* scarier at night. Especially in *my* story. You can be scared during the day, but don't bother, because the real terror never begins until night falls. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society - except for Eric...

Emma Toll:
I've figured out what's wrong with the Bruans.

Dayday Toll:
Me too. They have a crazy neighbor: you.

Kristen:
Why do we always tell scary stories at night? I mean if they're scary, they should be just as scary during the day, right?

Gary:
No way. Things are always scarier at night.

Kristen:
Yeah, but why?

Frank:
Because, you can't see things at night.

Kiki:
Yeah, like some ghoul could sneak up on you in the dark and you wouldn't know it until it was too late.

Betty Ann:
With ghosts and ghouls, there are no rules; but a vampire's bite, only comes at night.

Betty Ann:
Emma started paying close attention to the Brauns. She watched them every chance she got. And the more she watched the more she realized the new neighbors were just a little bit strange. They didn't talk to anyone and no one ever saw them during the day, only at night. Even their kid Lex was never seen during the day.

Lex Braun:
Hi, can I come in and play?

Emma Toll:
It's really late.

Lex Braun:
Maybe some other time.

Betty Ann:
[narrating] Lex never started school, no one had even heard of him. And the strange disease that hit Mr. Mitchell was spreading through the neighborhood like crazy. People were losing their energy, it was like an epidemic going around, but no one knew what it was, and it started the same night the Brauns moved in. Things seemed very strange indeed. Emma had a great imagination, but this was a little weird, eve for her. Then one night, all the pieces of the puzzle came together.

Emma Toll:
Listen, why is it they're never out during the day? And where are they from? [points to map] Here, Rovno, Ukraine! That's right in the middle of all those 'ia' places: Romania, Bulgaria, TRANSYL-vania. And what about those people? They're all getting sick, weak and pale and they all have Band-Aids on their necks. There's only one explanation.

Dayday Toll:
What?

Emma Toll:
Our neighbors are vampires.

Dayday Toll:
Ugh, I'm dreaming.

Emma Toll:
No you're not! They're vampires alright, they've got to be.

Emma Toll:
That's weird.

Dayday Toll:
What?

Emma Toll:
Their car's here, they gotta be home, why didn't they answer the door? What if they're KGB agents who had to bolt when the Soviet Union crumbled? Or gypsies searching for a new home?

[first lines]

Gary:
We're called The Midnight Society. Separately, we're very different. We like different things, we go to different schools, and we have different friends. But one thing draws us together: the dark. Each week, we gather round this fire, to share our fears, and our strange and scary tales. It's what got us together, and it's what keeps bringing us back. This is a warning to all who join us: you're going to leave the comfort of the light, and step into the world of the supernatural.

Gary:
Who sponsors Frank?

David:
I do. He's a good guy.

Eric:
But can he tell a good story?

Frank:
[blindfolded, steps forward and reaches out] Who said that?

Buzz Crocker:
[Denny grabs him after he nearly falls off a steep ledge] Hey... I saved the *compass*...

Denny Crocker:
I should've let you fall.

Denny Crocker:
I hope he has a blanket.

Buzz Crocker:
Yeah!

Denny Crocker:
forget it. *You* can freeze.

Buzz Crocker:
I'm sorry I got us lost, Denny.

Denny Crocker:
Don't worry. I'll smack you when we get home.

Dr. Vink:
I've dedicated my life to studying flora and fauna.

Buzz Crocker:
Who?

Dr. Vink:
Who wants tea? [raises own hand] *I* do...!

Dr. Vink:
Riddles exercise your brain, and where would you be with no brain?

Denny Crocker:
[of his specimen the brain came from] I dunno, ask the wild boar.

Eric:
Wait a minute, wait a minute, no fair. You can't put a riddle in a story that can't be solved.

Betty Ann:
Maybe it can.

Eric:
Yeah, right. It's weightless, you can see it, and if you put it in a barrel it makes the barrel lighter. No way.

Kiki:
Sounds like one of those riddles you can't solve.

Kristen:
That's a cheat.

Gary:
No - maybe it *can* be solved.

Frank:
*Maybe* you should all just lighten up, and let me finish the story.

Flynn:
Forty years, I've been bringing folks up to Dr. Vink's hoping they can solve the riddle... but they don't, so they all end up here with me.

Buzz Crocker:
So what happens to them?

Flynn:
Hey, Dr. Vink needs his specimens.

Denny Crocker:
You're a lying sack! First of all, you're not that old.

Flynn:
Didn't I tell ya? Before the good doctor got his specimen, I had myself a nasty, little accident. Crashed into this big ol' tree. You might say... [turns his back head 180 degrees]... I sorta died! [laughs maniacally]

Frank:
Denny and Buzz were brothers. Denny was big, strong, and smart. Buzz was, well, kind of a geek, who wanted to prove himself to his big brother. What neither guy knew, was that on this hiking trip, Buzz was gonna get the chance!

Buzz Crocker:
[both brothers are sitting on top of a cliff, and Buzz is confusedly reading a map] This is strange!

Denny Crocker:
[annoyed] We're lost, aren't we? [imitating Buzz in a whiny voice] Don't sweat, Denny! I know how to plot a course, you never trust me! [back to his normal voice] I DID trust you, and you got us lost, cheeseball!

Buzz Crocker:
We're not lost! [accidentally kicks over a water thermos onto the map]

Denny Crocker:
Great, lamewad! Now we're lost and we can't read the map! You are SUCH a loser.

Ranger:
You two boys Denny and Buzz Crocker?

Denny Crocker:
...Yeah?

Ranger:
[looking amused] Your parents have been going nuts looking for you. The whole town's in an uproar! Come on, get in.

Frank:
Nobody ever saw the Phantom Cab again. And when the boys brought the police back to Dr. Vink's cottage, all that was left was an old stone foundation, covered with weed.

Gary:
To be a member, you have to tell us a scary tale, and then we vote. And it has to be unanimous or you're not in. Are you ready?

Frank:
Yeah, I'm ready... [in a sinister tone] are YOU GUYS ready?

Kiki:
[All the kids at once, with Kiki being the loudest] WHOOO! I'm scared now!

Annie O'Brien:
[to Jake and Chris] What are you two yams talking about?

Alex:
Man, I almost puked.

Chandler:
Did you really think those were guts?

Alex:
Nah. I hate cherry gelatin.

Professor Felix Barish:
[appears abruptly, casusing Alex to jump] Do you have it?

Alex:
AH! *Oh*, Professor *Barish*...

Professor Felix Barish:
Do you have the photo?

Alex:
What photo?

Professor Felix Barish:
The one behind the painting.

Alex:
[passes him and continues to walk off] I don't know what you're talking about...

Professor Felix Barish:
Now don't be coy, Alex; if you have it, tell me.

Alex:
I don't have it...

Professor Felix Barish:
Where's Chandler, Alex?

Alex:
[stops in surprise but then hesitates] You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Professor Felix Barish:
He's in the photo, isn't he?

Alex:
How'd you know?

Professor Felix Barish:
Because my freiend is in there, too.

Jasper Davis:
Felix?

Professor Felix Barish:
[smiles to see that he recognizes him] Yes!

Jasper Davis:
You got old.

Gary:
Whoever's got the game, just make sure the game doesn't get *you*.

[the Dark Knight had knocked Ross' water gun out of his hand with his mace]

Dark Knight:
The game isn't over unless all the characters die... and I'm still here. You shouldn't play the game, boy, unless you know the rules!

Ross:
But this isn't a game. It's real. And when it's real... [pulls a miniature water pistol out of his back pocket] You can make up your own rules!

Kristen:
[mystic voice] It's time to begin my tale.

Eric:
So what's with the get-up?

Kristen:
[normal voice] It's a gown, you geek; I'm doin' this for effect?

Frank:
Headed up, big guy...

Tucker:
[in a headlock under his arm] Aw, this is real fair. You're only 200 pounds heavier than me!

Kiki:
Shhhhhh!

Frank:
I'm not hurting him!

Kiki:
I know, just - shhh!

Kiki:
So when grown-ups say they want it quiet, there's no way. Because there's no such thing.

Tucker:
[grins wickedly] I'll remember that.

Kiki:
Everyone just settle, and listen!

Sam:
Um, what are we listening for?

Kiki:
Silence. Total silence.

Gary:
That's impossible. Absolute silence doesn't exist.

Sam:
Yeah, there's always something making noise.

Kiki:
Exactly, so when grown-ups say they want it quiet, there's no way, because there's no such thing.

Kiki:
What if there could be total silence? What if you could stop every sound, every buzz, every breath?

Gary:
You couldn't, where there's life there's sound.

Kiki:
Say that another way. You take away sound, and you take away, life! Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story The Tale of the Quiet Librarian.

Laurie Napier:
[in the library basement at night] Where'd you leave it?

Jace Ellman:
Over there, I think. But everything's different.

Laurie Napier:
What do you mean?

Jace Ellman:
It wasn't like this yesterday. There were a lot more books. And THAT room wasn't there.

Laurie Napier:
[sees a calendar on the wall] Look at this. 1910.

Jace Ellman:
That's got to be some phony antique.

Laurie Napier:
What're you looking for?

[Jace mimes telephone]

Laurie Napier:
The phone!

[looks around]

Laurie Napier:
They're gone! The fire alarm, it's gone too! Everything modern is gone! Jace, what is going on?

Quiet Librarian:
[voice comes through the door] Silence is golden.

Peter:
You didn't tell me this stuff actually works!

Jake:
Yeah. Yeah. She did.

Jessie Dixon:
[of the third person in the photo with Ms. Simpson and her grandfather] That's him! That's the ghost!

Sara Simpson:
It can't be. That was my fianc?, Jacob.

Alex:
You were going to marry a ghost?

Jessie Dixon:
Are you all right?

Grandpa Samuel:
I have no idea.

Nick:
Don't be embarrassed. It's easy to freak and see weird things in the dark. I once thought I saw a scarecrow coming for me on the couch with a hammer.

Meggie Evans:
What was it?

Nick:
My dog with his food-bowl. I felt dumb, but I never forgot to feed him again.

Mrs. Westwood:
Look, you may be having a bad day, but I had my in-laws over for dinner last night, so needless to say, I need you to cut me a little slack today, all right?

Mike Buckley:
Everyone thinks I'm a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

Mike Buckley:
Ask me why I'm a great comedian.

Ben Buckley:
Why are you a great...

Mike Buckley:
Timing!

Ricky Hagerty:
Here I am, Mike.

Mike Buckley:
[turns to see him behind him] "Here I am"? Just like that? "Here I am." What do you want from me? [touches his shoulder to feel it's solid instead of his hand going through it] Cool.

Mike Buckley:
I miss you, Ricky.

Ricky Hagerty:
[last words to Mike before returning to the afterlife] I miss you too, Mike. Get going. It's a long ride and we don't want Ben on this side just yet.

Betty Ann:
Silence is power. The power of the unknown, the unspoken. It can be a blessing - a welcome moment of peace. Or it can be evil. The trick is to know when to welcome it, and when to be very afraid. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story, The Tale of the Silent Servant.

Jarred Conner:
You should never have broken that window.

Anne Peterson:
*You* threw the ball!

Jarred Conner:
You should've caught it!

Anne Peterson:
Gorge said it's evil.

Jarred Conner:
George is crazy. What's your excuse?

Anne Peterson:
Come on, Mark wouldn't take your glove.

Jarred Conner:
I'd like to *kill* whoever *did*!

[his voice echoes outside... ]

Anne Peterson:
Jarred...

Jarred Conner:
No way. That wasn't an order!

Jarred Conner:
Listen, Anne...

Anne Peterson:
No. I've listened to you long enough. We do this my way.

Jarred Conner:
This isn't fair!

Pete Peterson:
Breaking my window wasn't fair.

Anne Peterson:
[stumbles on a tombstone] It's Mr. Earlstead's, people say he was some kind of sorcerer and that he had invisible servants for his farm.

Jarred Conner:
We could hang the scarecrow in the garden! Instead of building a fence.

Anne Peterson:
Scarecrows scare crows, not deer!

George:
The dragons have been stolen! Have you seen my dragons?

Anne Peterson:
We haven't seen any dragons!

George:
The better for you then. Such sorrow. I used to see rainbow colored lights, now darkness! Such sweeping blackness! HE MADE ME THIS WAY! His evil was contagious! He raised the silent servant!

Jarred Conner:
I don't want to have to do this tomorrow.

Anne Peterson:
Don't say that to the Silent Servant.

Jarred Conner:
Yeah right, like it exists.

Anne Peterson:
Jarred, Mark didn't fix the door and it sure wasn't us that took the beans to Mr. Gallaway.

Jarred Conner:
I don't believe it.

Anne Peterson:
Then how else do you explain it?

Eric:
[she announces she's the night's storyteller, holding the skull from the "corpse" dummy Frank and Kiki scared the others with] Ah, another gore-fest?

Betty Ann:
*My* story's about the head of a different sort - an ancient wizard's good-luck charm. Pick it up, and the world can be your oyster. But let the holder beware: this charm may be more than you bargained for.

Betty Ann:
The story takes place today, but it began years ago. In fact, it *truly* began centuries ago, but I'm jumping ahead.

Alix:
I get the feeling your luck's about to change.

Dean Berkham:
Great. Just as long as it doesn't get any *worse*.

Alix:
Dean, look at me. He's controlling you; you've gotta come back and - fight this guy.

Dean Berkham:
...You're my best friend, Alix.

Alix:
I *am*!... Come back.

Dean Berkham:
That's why I'm gonna let you go. Don't get in my way.

[starts to walk off then glances back]

Dean Berkham:
It doesn't matter anyway. You'll be one of us soon enough.

Acolyte #1:
[gripping her with another] She followed us.

Alix:
Yeah, and she's ticked; now back off.

Quinn:
[carrying logs] Okay - from now on, whoever gets here late, has to lug the firewood for a month.

Andy:
She's not even late yet.

Vange:
She will be. In five seconds, Megan gets a month of hard labor. Five, four, three, two...

Megan:
[after approaching unnoticed] Sorry I'm late, guys. This is way heavier than I thought. It took me forever to get here.

Vange:
One second short of forever!

Kevin Tyler:
The Dynamic Duo strikes again!

Julie Hart:
Kevin...

Kevin Tyler:
All right, we got lucky.

Julie Hart:
Give me a break.

Kevin Tyler:
[laughing triumphantly] All right - we kicked their butts!

Julie Hart:
You're crazy.

Protector:
Maybe... a little... But I'm telling the truth.

Julie Hart:
I don't know who's nuttier, me or you.

Protector:
[laughing nervously] Th-that would be me.

Kiki:
I can't remember the last time Gary really scared me. [turns and almost runs into him] Jeez, you scared me!

Gary:
Uh, sorry I'm late. David can't make it tonight, he's, uh, sick.

Eric:
That's OK. Kiki was just saying how your stories haven't been too scary lately anyway.

Kiki:
I'm gonna smack you!

Gary:
The story I've got is about three kinds of people: people who believe in magic, people who don't, and people who should.

Sardo:
[his first lines] Come, come - playtime's over. Buy now, or...

[waves]

Sardo:
'bye now!

Sardo:
[sees the giant pair of eyes in the darkness, leaps up to cower under the table] Ahhh! Take the children...!

Gary:
[finishing his story] And Sardo was a fake.

Betty Ann:
[quoting his character] That's Sar*do*, accent on the DO!

[last lines]

David:
April Fool's.

Gary, Kristen:
April Fool's.

Sardo:
Bobo? You look so... so thin. Have you been working out?

Bobo:
Sardo, I need your help.

Sardo:
Well, anything I can do...

Bobo:
I need money.

Sardo:
Uh, *almost* anything! I distinctly said "almost". Is it getting warm in here?

Sardo:
[Bobo laughs wildly after giving him the box] And this is funny because...?

Bobo:
It's funny, because - you finally *are* losing on the deal!

Sardo:
Ah, but you know, confidence like this doesn't come cheap.

Jason Midas:
What if I don't believe it works?

Sardo:
Then it *will* come cheap.

Belle:
Someone once wished for an exciting voyage, I gave him the Titanic. A kid didn't want to go on a camping-trip; I exploded the volcano at Mt. St. Helen's. World War One - a reporter wanted an interesting story.

Jason Midas:
So, uh... World War Two?

Belle:
[regretfully] Oh, yeah... Nah... wasn't mine. Nice work, though.

Sardo:
This is a chance of a lifetime!

Jason Midas:
If you don't hurry, that lifetime won't last very long! They're getting ready to shoot, tear-gas!

Sardo:
I could wish for world peace... or to cure every disease!

[first lines]

Tony:
[his clock stops ticking] Not again...

[his door opens, a black hooded figure enters and draws closer to the bed, he sits up abruptly to awake and find it's morning]

Tony:
I hate that dream.

[sees the figure from his nightmare is standing by his bed]

Tony:
AHHHHHH...!

Kiki:
AHHH!

Kristen:
AHHH!

Betty Ann:
Oh, yeah!

Frank:
Excellent, all right!

Kiki:
So? What happened?

Eric:
Dunno.

Frank:
What do you *mean* ya don't know?

Eric:
I mean I don't *know*. I'll figure something out for next time.

Betty Ann:
Ooh, a cliffhanger. I love it.

Gary:
Yeah, but I mean what about, tonight? It's almost lights-out and we haven't had a full story yet.

Kristen:
Shouldn't call a meeting without a full story, Eric.

Eric:
It's better than no story at all. Hey, I don't see anybody else jumping in.

David:
...I've got one.

Frank:
Whoa, he speaks. Who woke *you* up?

Dougie Freeman:
[of his costume] You're a bum. You're a bum *every* year.

Kevin:
So? You get the same candy.

Kevin:
Dougie, it's a piece of old, junky wood. Like your head.

Kevin:
I wish... I wish I could beat Bostick in the 600. Whoa! [drops the claw as it glows] It moved!

Dougie Freeman:
I told you, that thing's alive!

Kevin:
Well, if it helps me beat Bostick this afternoon, I don't care if it reaches up and picks my nose.

Dougie Freeman:
I wish Gramps were here; he'd know what to do. Ahh!

[jumps and ends up throwing the claw across the room, it's seen glowing]

Kevin:
[they look at each other] Dougie, your grandfather's dead. You don't think...?

[last lines]

Gary:
I declare this meeting of the Midnight Society closed. Until next time... pleasant dreams, everyone.

Tucker:
I still haven't come up with a story! I'm empty. Blank. Drained.

Gary:
"Hollow, shallow, brainless"?

Tucker:
This is serious!

Tucker:
I just gotta look around for some inspiration. What made *you* think of *that* story?

Gary:
You.

Tucker:
Get out of here.

Gary:
I'm serious. I knew you having trouble being creative; I saw a story there. At least you're... good for something.

DIGGER:
Upload in two-and-a-half minutes.

Kate:
[trying to find a way to close it down] Shut up!

Kate:
[about a melted computer monitor] Now THAT'S a computer crash.

Vange:
That is exactly what my story's about.

Quinn:
What, spoiled rich chicks?

Vange:
No, electronic stuff. Everybody's always using cell phones, laptop computers, electronic notebooks, and it's not just grownups either. Kids have pagers, calculators and games. [into Megan's phone] She'll call you back, [disconnects] We can't live without them.

Megan:
You are so 11.

Andy:
Well, I don't use anything like that.

Vange:
Oh yeah? What about the alarm on that big old watch of yours?

Andy:
Well sure, every morning.

Vange:
Duh! Then a computer chip is telling YOU when to wake up, isn't that weird?

Vange:
If we need computers SO bad, and they're getting smarter all the time, does that mean people are getting dumber? My story's about a bunch of kids who use computers. They think they're all pretty smart, but what they don't know is their computers are really using THEM. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story, The Tale of the Virtual Pets.

Isabel:
Oh shoot, my computer crashed.

Kate:
Crashed?

Isabel:
I must've overloaded the disk.

Kate:
And that means?

Isabel:
I put in too much information, and... forget it, you're hopeless.

Kate:
Well my PENCIL never crashed.

Kate:
Okay, stupid question, why are you reading out loud?

Isabel:
She likes me to read to her.

Kate:
SHE? It's a toy, and could you please stop playing with that thing for five minutes?

Shawn Mackenzie:
Every second we waste, our tip shrinks! [hurries out the door]

Dean Wilson:
Every second I spend with you, my *brain* shrinks.

Shawn Mackenzie:
Dean, he's not gonna throw all this in the water. He's loony, not stupid.

[last lines]

Betty Ann:
The house still stands, and to this day, people still disappear, when the moon is full, on February twenty-ninth...

Gary:
[They all grow nervous] Time to go.

Kiki:
You go first.

Kristen:
Uh, no, after you.

David:
Not me; Frank, you go!

Frank:
I'll go after Gary goes.

Gary:
I'm not going first!

Vange:
Drop me *anywhere*, boys! [Andy and Quinn quickly release the seat they're carrying, with her in it, which slams heavily onto the ground] Hey!

Mariah:
You want a pretty girl, I can be a pretty girl.