Ask Me Anything

Paul Spooner:
Dear Miss Kampenfelt, since you expressed a desire today to learn more about adult life, here are 10 bitter truths for your reading pleasure.

Paul Spooner:
1. Complete honesty is a complete lie.

Paul Spooner:
2. Two, marriage is sacred only to those who have never been married.

Paul Spooner:
3. Three, money is more integral to happiness than romantic love.

Paul Spooner:
4. Four, every human being is a contradiction. Some hide it better than others.

Paul Spooner:
5. Five, never underestimate the tendency of human beings to act contrary to their own best interests.

Paul Spooner:
6. Six, were it not for the fear of getting caught, most of us would behave like savages.

Paul Spooner:
7. Seven, all sex has consequences, most of them dire.

Paul Spooner:
8. The older you get, the faster time flies until months pass like days.

Paul Spooner:
9. There's no such thing as living happily ever after.

Paul Spooner:
10. Everything gets worse.

Katie Kampenfelt:
You underestimate my powers earthling.

Glenn Warburg:
I can't imagine life without books, it's as close to the angels as I get.

Katie Kampenfelt:
What do you mean?

Glenn Warburg:
For me, reading is a transcendent experience.

Katie Kampenfelt:
[smiles] Hmm

Katie Kampenfelt:
[In reaction to her mothers blank stare after telling her she got a new job] Whhyyyy are you so negative!

[first title card]

Title Card:
Some guys practically grab you by the hair and push your onto their d*cks. My turn! Or else if they're the sensitive type, they tell you how sex will bring you so much closer and they start to whine and sh*t. Yuck! Mr. Big never makes me do anything The only way I even know that I've been blueballing him is that one time at the door he said 'I'm going to blow a load before you get to the corner.'