Baby Geniuses

Lenny:
[singing] One umbrella one, two umbrella two/ let's go up into the zoo/there you'll see a horse that's blue/a big old steed with one white shoe/a zebra and his stripes, playing bagpipes.

Margo:
Stick to your rapping Ice Shtick and leave the smart remarks to those with IQs over 40.

Dickie:
It's not rap, it's mantras.

Margo:
I was chanting mantras before you were born.

Dickie:
[pause] You were chanting mantras before Buddha was born.

Margo:
That's pretty good, Dickie, that's pretty good.

Robin:
[seeing Dickie's new look] You look like Mt. Pepto Bismol erupted.

Robin:
We're late!

Lenny:
Uhoh! They're late! They're late for a very important date! Your mom and dad are off to save the farm, hip hip hooray!

Sly:
They've got Whit.

Dan:
Who's got Whit? Wait, you're Whit.

Robin:
911? You know that Babyco. building? There's a bomb in there! And we're going to blow those little suckers to Venus! [hangs up] You wanted cops, you got cops.

Carrie:
Danger!

Dan:
What?

Robin:
What?

Carrie:
Whit has a twin brother called Sly, he's the one that's been here the last two days.

Dan:
What?

Robin:
What "what"?

Carrie:
Sly and Whit got switched at the mall, and Dr. Kinder kept Whit in her secret lab to experiment on.

Dan:
Oh my God!

Robin:
What?

Dan:
She says Elana's got a secret lab, I don't believe this, Whit and Sly got switched at the mall!

Robin:
What? Who's Sly?

Carrie:
She's getting rid of the lab, and moving the babies to Liechtenstein.

Dan:
Liechtenstein? Oh my God!

Sly:
You call those jumping jacks? More like jumping jerks.

Dickie and Lenny:
[hypotized] The magnificent Sly and the Bobbins' babies have a vitally important errand at Babyco. [blow raspberries]

Kids:
[singing] I don't know but I've been told Eskimo girls are mighty cold, Dr. Kinder is a son-of-a-gun, got cooties and she weighs a ton. One, two, three, four, one, two, three-four!

Carrie:
Sly - Do I have time to go potty?

Sly:
The potty? You're wearing the potty! Put it on hold, this is much more important.

Carrie:
Easy for YOU to say!

Sly:
We have to use our secret weapon.

Basil:
And what's that?

Sly:
Duby - What's the one thing grown-ups fear most about us babies?

Duby:
Dirty Diapers!

Sly:
You're wrong!

Duby:
Well they make those stupid faces when they change our diapers!

Sly:
Its our Intelligence everyone, Our Intelligence... Dirty Diapers... that's funny though.

Sly:
Have you said "Dada" yet? They'll love that.

Carrie:
Nah, that's stupid!

Sly:
Say it... he'll go nuts! Then he'll call Mom, and they'll both go nuts.

Carrie:
I've decided the first words I want to say will be The Gettysburg Address.

Sly:
Now is the time to take a side. You're either with her, or you're with us!

Duby:
I'm with you!

Teddie:
We're with you!

Sly:
Basil? Decide. Decide, Basil.

Basil:
Let's Kick Butt!

Sly:
All right! He's with us! Hooray!

Sly:
All right guys... should i tell her what i think? I think that if you're going to talk so much out of your ass, maybe you should wear a bow-tie on your butt!

Basil:
A Bow-Tie on her butt? That's disgusting Sylvester!

Teddie:
Your syntax is interesting

Basil:
Its because he watches television all the time. Nice language Sylvester.

Sly:
Nice face Basil. Ewwwww!

Teddie:
Bow-Tie on her butt? I still don't get it. You wear diapers on your butt, not bow-ties.

Goon Bob:
You must be Sylvester. I heard about you, know karate. Well I'm a blackbelt. Would you care to try me on son?

Sly:
Ohhh Noooo I'd be Toooo Scared.

Goon Bob:
[looks down and sees sly's trap] Now, guess you expect me to step over the ski and you'll jump on the end and then the end will jump up and hit me in the gonads and I'll scream and make a funny face and I'll fall down the stairs. Well i think you've been seein' too many bad movies pal cause I'm just gonna step around the ski - just how stupid do you think i am?

Sly:
[throws heavy object at Goon Bob causing him to jump back right into the ski, and quickly realizes that he is right where he doesn't want to be] Pretty Stupid! [sly jumps down on the ski as the ski hits him very hard in the groin]

Goon Bob:
[grunting in pain]

Carrie:
What happened? Sly Kicked Him Right In The Forbidden Zone. [the other babies groan Ohhhhhh Man! while also laughing as Goon Bob wobbles by]

Dickie:
[notices Goon Bob wincing in pain as he walks downstairs and out of the house] What's going on?

Goon Ray:
Looks like a work related injury, I better go up and see what's going on.

[goes upstairs and sees a grinning Sly and the same ski trap that just got the other goon]

Goon Ray:
Tough Guy Huh? Well you're about to meet your worst nightmare!

Sly:
Goon, That is some lame dialogue.

Goon Ray:
You really think I'm gonna walk over that ski and you're gonna jump on the end and that ski is gonna jump up and hit me in the gonads and I'm gonna scream, make a funny face and fall down the stairs? Well I don't think so.

Sly:
[throws another heavy object at goon as goon jumps out of the way to avoid being hit and finds himself right where he didn't want to be - and grimaces preparing himself] Cross Your Legs And Smile!

[Sly jumps on the end of the ski and the other end comes up and hits the other goon right in the groin]

Sly:
You don't mess with the Sly-man.

Sly:
This isn't working.

Lexi:
Well what do you expect? We're geniuses, not ninjas!

Carrie:
What are we going to do?

Sly:
We're gonna train!

Carrie:
We're Going On A Train? Hooray! [other babies cheer at this]

Margo:
[Dickie has just walked in with an unbuttoned shirt exposing a new tattoo of an orange sun on the lower part of his stomach] Well would you look at that. the sun is setting in that boy's pants.

Lenny:
He wishes!

Sly:
[notices the 2 goons pretending to be from the power company that Dickie just let into the house] Its Elena's goons, they're after me. Quick into the bedroom. Hurry up.

Carrie:
What's a goon?

Goon Bob:
[notices Dickie's tattoo] So how long have you been into self-mutilation?

Dickie:
Huh?

Goon Bob:
Well everyone needs a hobby, listen why don't you go downstairs abd get my partner. Tell him I need a hand,

Dickie:
All right! Just keep an eye on the babies though!

Sly:
[overhears this and thinks] Brilliant, Dickie! Why don't you just stuff me in his suitcase for him?

Margo:
Dickie? [walks into room and sees a still hypnotized Dickie standing there with his finger in his nose and his tongue wiggling around outside his mouth] Boy this is not your lunch break. [Dickie continues to pick his nose and wiggle his tongue] All right ice dork, hop to it. [Dickie starts hopping out the room while still picking his nose and wiggling his tongue. Margo looks on in disbelief]

Sly:
Uh oh! I think we've got company!

[opens door where Dickie had been spying on the babies. Dickie falls onto the floor and sly walks up to him and grabs him hard by the nose]

Sly:
Come on ice dork! A mind's a terrible thing to waste.

[other babies laugh at this]

Sly:
OK troops, lets move it!

[Sly leads the other babies down the hall while still holding onto Dickie's nose - causing Dickie to move down the hall on his hands and knees alongside sly]

Dickie:
Ow! Ow! Ow! Owww!

Lenny:
Diaper Rodeo! Diaper Rodeo! Diaper Rodeo!

Margo:
Okay! On your mark! Get Ready! Get Set! Go!

Robin:
[Robin and Dan are competing to see who can change a diaper faster. Robin is talking to Carrie] Hold still sweetie, just hold still!

Sly:
[laughing] Oh no! There goes old faithful!

Dan:
Ahhh, sprang a leak!

Robin:
[finishes] TIME!

Dan:
Oh no! i had a leak here, i also had an injury, a rotator cup injury-rotator cup!

Sly:
The night is young, and so am I.

Sly:
[Sly and the other babies huddle around a sleeping lennie. Sly steps up and starts chanting] You are in my power. You will obey my commands. You are in my power. You will obey my commands. Before i take the babies home, I will drive to Babyco. Everything depends on my driving to Babyco.

Carrie:
What are you trying to do?

Sly:
I have a theory that grown ups remember our secret language in their sub-conscious. If i'm right... I can hypnotize him.

[returns to Lenny]

Sly:
You are in my power. You will obey my commands. You will obey my power. You will obey my commands. All right now let's see if we've really got him. Lenny, raise your hand.

[Lenny raises his hand]

Sly:
Ohhhhh!

[meanwhile in the very next room unseen by the babies - Dickie also raises his hand - -it looks as if Dickie has been hypnotized as well]

Duby:
[points finger at sly and interrupts] Sly, make him pick his nose!

Carrie:
yeah come on sly - make him pick it! [other babies start agreeing]

Sly:
no that's gross.

Carrie:
Do it! [babies start cheering sly to do it]

Sly:
All right - -pick your nose now! [other babies shout "pick it... pick it" then laugh hysterically as lennie picks his nose] [then dickie still hypnotized in the other room starts picking his nose as well unseen by sly and the other babies]

Sly:
[Sly has a plan to escape from babyco but it involves hiding in a moving cart of dirty diapers. He is about to jump into the cart when he sighs and says] Well, give me liberty or give me death!

[Sly holds his nose and jumps into the cart of diapers and gags]

Sly:
I should've chosen death! Ugh!

Lenny:
[a hypnotized Lenny is driving the babies to Babyco to rescue Whit and the other babies from Dr. Kindler... He answers his cell phone after Dan calls him to ask where he took the babies with a hypnotized monotone] We have a vitally urgent mission at Babyco. We have a vitally urgent mission at Babyco. We have a vitally urgent mission at Babyco.

Lenny:
[hangs up phone]

Dickie:
[as Lenny is saying this - the camera pans next to him where we see a still hypnotized Dickie saying the same words... Dickie also still has his finger picking his nose and his tongue sitcking out of his mouth meaning Sly has kept him hypnotized this entire time!] We have a vitally urgent mission at Babyco. We have a vitally urgent mission at Babyco. We have a vitally urgent mission at Babyco.

Dickie:
[Dickie then sticks his finger back into his nose and his tongue out of his mouth while Sly and the other babies laugh at him]

Random Baby Girl:
[a random baby girl is leaning over a toy and looks back at a fat baby boy and makes a face] What? Ain't you've ever hear of Weight Watchers? How do you think I still fit into a size 1 diaper?