Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey

Ted:
Your probably noticed we haven't given you our gifts yet.

Bill:
That's because...

Ted:
Um...

Bill:
Um...

Bill and Ted:
'scuse us dude. [take their girlfriends to opposite sides of the pool]

Bill:
[Takes out a folded piece of paper from his pocket] I wrote this myself.

Ted:
[Also takes out a folded piece of paper from his pocket] I wrote this last night.

Ted:
[Begins to read] Elizabeth.

Bill:
[Also begins to read] Joanna.

[The two talk simultaneously]

Bill:
As I wander through this dark and lonely forest of life, surrounded by various beasts... Bears, vipers, squirrels. Not to mention small tree growing lichen, woodpeckers, slugs, gila monsters. Oh no, that's the desert.

Ted:
As I swim through this dark and fearful sea of existence, surrounded by various creatures... Sharks, eels, yellowtail, and also barnacles, and algae, man-o-wars, starfish, blowfish, catfish. Uh oooh, that's fresh water.

Bill:
The point is I know we promised you a better life.

Ted:
What mean is we told you the future had some really good stuff.

Bill:
But all that stuff hasn't happened.

Bill and Ted:
But it will, I hope.

Ted:
The day after tomorrow, if things work out...

Bill:
What I mean is....

Bill and Ted:
[Turn to each other and give a shrug. Then turn back to their girlfriends.]

Ted:
Will you...?

Bill:
...Marry us?

Elizabeth:
Theodore...

Joanna:
I'd love to. [Bill and Ted smile, take out a plastic pink and purple heart ring. Holds it up for the other see that they succeeded, and then places it on their respective girlfriend's finger. They then give a quick air guitar to the other, and receive a kiss on the cheek by their girlfriends.]

[Bill and Ted take up Death's challenges, with one game being Clue]

Ted:
What's he doing?

Bill:
I don't know.

Death:
I believe Colonel Mustard did it in the study with a candlestick.

Bill]:
[Opens case envelope and shows card] Sorry, Death. You lose. [shows card] It was Professor Plum.

Death:
I said "Plum".

Ted:
[stands in protest] No way. You said "Mustard"! Can we go back now?

Death:
Best 3 out of 5.

Ted:
[angry] I don't believe this guy!

Bill:
Ladies and gentleman, we've been to the past, we've been to the future.

Ted:
We've been all around the afterlife.

Bill:
And you know?

Ted:
The best place to be is here...

Bill:
...And the best time to be is now, and all's we can say is...

Bill and Ted:
...Let's rock!