Bionic Showdown: The Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman

Allan Devlin:
What, does a room with this many enemies in it make ya nervous?

Oscar Goldman:
You're damn right it does! I didn't spend 30 years behind an OSI desk pushing pencils or shoving pins into Third World hotspots, I was out in the field! I was out in the action...

Jim Castillian:
Jim Castillian. That's with two L's [they shake hands]

Jim Goldman:
James Goldman. One L.

Jim Castillian:
Oh, you're Oscar's nephew. That's right, I heard you were in town. You're training for the games, arent' you?

Jim Goldman:
Uh-huh. Runnin' the 400 and the hurdles. Fasted thing on two legs, except of course for Alice Grayson. I never did catch her in four years of college.

Jim Castillian:
I used to be an athlete myself.

Jim Goldman:
Yeah?

Jim Castillian:
Yeah. Not much time for it now, I'm here in the OSI dodging bullets and inner office memos.

Jim Castillian:
[about Jaime Sommers] She is looking D.D.G. tonight. [Steve gives him a questioning look] That's drop dead gorgeous.

Steve Austin:
Oh.

Jim Castillian:
[slaps Steve on the back] Good luck, Big Guy.

Kate Mason:
What if I'm not a Jaime Sommers?

Jaime Sommers:
Hey, they don't want a clone of me, okay, They couldn't handle it. They've had too many problems with me over the years.

OSI officer:
[to Steve Austin] You're not gonna go bionic on me, are ya?

Gen. McAllister:
As far as I'm concerned, nobody is snow white. If some foreign power, if some group of terrorists, if some indivudial concern has found out how to build a bionic man or a bionic woman... Just imagine what an army of them would be like...

Jim Goldman:
[to himself] Funny stuff, way to go, Jimmy. Really swept her off her nuclear feet.

Jim Castillian:
Well, I found Oscar. In the bar at the Watergate hotel.

Oscar Goldman:
[Steve and Jaime are trying to take an unwilling Oscar away from a bar] They are cyborgs, would you believe that? And they're trying to kidnap me. I needs some help. Help!

Man in bar:
Are you... sure you're his friend?

Jaime Sommers:
Oh, absolutely. Listen, don't pay any attention to anything he says, he's very confused. Do I look like a robot to you?

General Dzerinsky:
Yes, you have been speaking out rather publically about your former organisation in particular and your country in general.

Oscar Goldman:
That doesn't mean that I wanna crawl from one pitt of vipers into another.

General Dzerinsky:
That is very good, I must remember it.

Oscar Goldman:
Yeah, well, try to remember this! [punches him across the jaw]

Kate Mason:
Allen, I've been here a week and all I've found out are the dating habits of the women athletes. Now that doesn't sound like the Scarlett Pimpernell to you, now does it?

Kate Mason:
[shouting] Will you stay out of my private life? Just stay out of my private life!

Jim Goldman:
If you stay out of my dreams.

Jim Goldman:
Was that a bionic kiss?

Kate Mason:
Nope, a hundred per cent natural.

Jim Goldman:
Thank you, Mother Nature.

Kate Mason:
To think that I actually cared about you. I trusted you.

Allan Devlin:
What can I say, Kate? You were very stupid.

Steve Austin:
You know, Jaime, we've known each other for a long, long, long time. And we've been through a lot together. Now, Jaime, just eh, let me finish. When... two people...

Jaime Sommers:
Why don't we get married?

Steve Austin:
Please hear me out, Jaime... What?

Jaime Sommers:
I said: would you like to get married?