Borat

Borat Sagdiyev:
[Kissing Gesture Made to Woman] Very nice. How much?

Borat Sagdiyev:
This is Natalya. [kisses her passionately] She is my sister. She is number four prostitute in all of Kazakhstan. [Natalya holds up her trophy] Nice!

Borat Sagdiyev:
[On the subway] Hello. My name-a Borat. I'm-a new in town. (A chicken falls out of his briefcase)

Borat Sagdiyev:
[to audience members at a rodeo] My name-a Borat. I come from Kazakhstan. Can I say a-first, we support your war of terror! May we show our support to our boys in Iraq! May US and A kill every single terrorist! May your George Bush drink the blood of every single man, women, and child of Iraq! May you destroy their country so that for next thousand years not even a single lizard will survive in their desert!

"I don't want your damn hair!"

Borat:
This-a my wife Oksana. She is-a boring.

Oksana:
What did you say about me, you skinny piece of shit?

Borat:
Please, not now.

Oksana:
Why don't you do something useful and dig your mother a grave?

Borat:
Look, there is woman in car. Can we follow her, get her and maybe have sexy time with her?

Driving instructor:
No! No, you cannot do that.

Borat:
Why not?

Driving instructor:
Because a woman has the right to choose who she has sex with.

Borat:
[incredously] What!?

Driving instructor:
Yeah, how about that?

Borat:
You joke, right?

Driving instructor:
No, there must be consent.

Borat:
Ha-ha-ha!

Driving instructor:
That good, huh?

Borat:
Not good for me.

Borat:
My wife make this cheese.

Bob Barr:
It's very nice.

Borat:
She make it from milk from her tits.

Borat:
What is a 'not' jokes?

Pat Haggerty:
A 'not' joke is when we're trying to make fun of something and what we do is, we make a statement that we pretend is true but at the end, we say 'not,' which means it's not true.

Borat:
So teach me how to make one.

Pat Haggerty:
Alright. What color is your suit?

Borat:
This suit is gray.

Pat Haggerty:
Gray. I would call it blue, okay?

'Borat:
It's gray.

Pat Haggerty:
Alright, it's blue-gray. But it...

Borat:
Well, it's more gray.

Pat Haggerty:
It's certainly not black, right? Alright, let's say it's gray. But it's not...

Borat:
It is gray.

Pat Haggerty:
Okay, so a 'not' joke, I would say, 'That suit is black. Not!'

Borat:
This-a suit is NOT BLACK!

Pat Haggerty:
No, no, 'not' has to be at the end.

Borat:
Oh, okay.

Pat Haggerty:
Okay.

Borat:
This suit is black not.

Pat Haggerty:
This suit is black. Pause. You know what a pause is?

Borat:
Yes.

Pat Haggerty:
This suit is black. Not!

Borat:
This suit is black, pause, not.

Pat Haggerty:
No, you don't say 'pause.' This suit is black... That's a pause. Not!

Borat:
This suit is black...

Pat Haggerty:
Okay, um... I don't... I don't...I'm not quite...

Borat:
...Not!

Hotel Employee:
Mr. Sagdiyev?

Borat:
Yes?

Hotel Employee:
I have a telegram for you.

Borat:
You can read?

Hotel Employee:
Yes, I can. "Dear Borat Sagdiyev, your wife Oksana was walking your retarded Bilo in the woods, when a bear attacked and violated and break her. She is now dead."

Borat:
You say my wife is dead?

Hotel Employee:
This is what it's... Yes, sir. I'm sorry to inform you, but that's what the telegram says.

Borat:
High five! Great!

[Borat tries to check into a fancy hotel while dressed and talking like a gangster]

Borat:
What's up with it, Vanilla Face? Me and my homie, Azamat, just parked our slab outside. [the receptionist goes to call security] We're looking for somewhere to post up our black asses for the night. So, uh, bang, bang, skeet, skeet, nigga. [security arrives] We're just a couple of pimps, no hos.

Guard:
Sir, sir, you gotta leave.

Borat:
Okay...

Guard:
Either leave now, or we're gonna call the cops, and we'll have you taken out.

Borat:
[as he and Azamat drive away] We can't stay here. They are "player haters."

[Borat and Azamat decide to stay at a bed-and-breakfast for the night; Borat knocks on the door]

Jewish Man:
Hi.

Borat:
Thank you. You have room for tonight?

Jewish Man:
Oh, yes. Yes, definitely. Come on in.

Jewish Woman:
So, come on in. Your friend, also.

Borat:
Oh, beautiful house.

Jewish Woman:
All the paintings in the house, I did.

Borat:
[looking at one of the paintings] What is this man?

Jewish Woman:
This is a Yemenite Jew, and he's working on a piece of jewelry. The Yemenites were also jewelers.

Borat:
Why you have a picture of a Jew?

Jewish Woman:
Because I'm Jewish, so I have lots of pictures of Jews.

[Borat is shocked and horrified to hear his hosts are Jewish; they then show Borat and Azamat to the room]

Jewish Woman:
This is the room, and, uh, do you need two pillows?

Borat:
Great, thank you. Lovely place. [closes the door and whispers to Azamat] They're Jews.

Azamat:
I know that now. They'll kill us. We need to escape.

[Having learned Borat and Azamat's hosts are Jewish, Borat makes an entry in his video diary in the middle of the night]

Borat:
It is 3:00 in the morning. I am in the nest of Jews. They have cleverly shifted their shapes; one of them has taken the form of a little old woman. You can barely see her horns. She have tried to poison me already. These rats are very clever. [hears a noise and turns on the light. He and Azamat see two cockroaches crawling under their bedroom door.]

Azamat:
Look! The Jews have shifted their shapes!

Borat:
[grabs a wad of cash] Oh God, how much shall I give them?

Azamat:
[panicking] I don't know! [Borat throws a dollar bill at the cockroaches] More! Give them more than that! [Borat throws more dollar bills at them] It's not working! Run! Run!

Borat:
I want to say I very sorry how they treat you at this house.

Luenell:
Thank you. I was thinkin' maybe I'd just take the night off and... Why don't we just go out and have some fun? What do you think about that?

Borat:
[to Azamat] You want to come with us?

Azamat:
Up yours!

[Borat, coming out of the bathroom, naked, catches Azamat, also naked, masturbating over the Baywatch magazine]

Borat:
YOU BASTARD!!

[Furious, Borat lunges at Azamat and snatches the magazine]

Azamat:
What's the matter with you?!

Borat:
[puts the magazine away and tackles Azamat] How dare you make hand-party over Pamela!

Azamat:
Why do you care who I pleasure myself to?!

Borat:
Because I love this woman! She's the reason we travel to California!

Azamat:
WHAT?!?! YOU LIED TO ME! You lied about California!

[Borat and Azamat begin beating each other up with lamps and pushing each other into the walls, while yelling in Kazakh]

Azamat:
[throws Borat on the bed and jumps on top of him] EAT MY ASSHOLE!

[Borat pushes Azamat off him. Azamat throws a suitcase at Borat and runs into the hallway with Borat chasing him, both men still naked. They run into a crowded elevator and the passengers avert their eyes and leave. When the last passenger leaves, Borat chases Azamat through the lobby and into a fancy banquet]

Banquet Host:
We have a special guest here this evening. Uh, Ruth Feiner is here...

[Borat and Azamat barge into the ballroom, shouting in Kazakh. Security guards tackle them]

Guard:
Get the fuck out of here!