Cheech & Chong's Next Movie

Cheech:
Hey, it's about time, man. [seeing a jar with a yellowish fluid inside] Hey, what do you got? Hey, give me some.

Chong:
What?

Cheech:
Give a drink, man. Come on, man, you drink it.

Chong:
What, this?

Cheech:
Yeah.

Chong:
Oh, go ahead, man. Help yourself. [hands him the jar]

Cheech:
Wait a minute... [sniffs the inside] Hey, man, that's pee!

Chong:
No kidding.

Cheech:
What are you doing with pee?

Chong:
That's for my probation officer, man.

Cheech:
What, does he drink pee?

Chong:
No, man. Last week, I was supposed to bring some in, you know.

Cheech:
Yeah?

Chong:
But I forgot to wash out the jar first, so he sees that mayonnaise floatin' around, and he'll think I'm on some kind of weird drug again, and I'm really gonna f*** with his mind this time, man.

Cheech:
Yeah, what did you do?

Chong:
Have my SISTER pee in it.

Cheech:
[laughs it out] Your sister?

Chong:
Yeah, she's pregnant!

[Both laugh]

Cheech:
Hey, did she get the weed?

Chong:
No, she's out of it, man. We're just waiting on some from Columbia.

Chong:
I dig it, man. It's good. But you know, while you were singing that, I came up with another song, man.

Cheech:
Oh, yeah?

Chong:
Yeah. It's like the same thing, only different.

Gloria's Mom:
[while driving] Watch the road.

Cheech:
Okay, where's it gonna go?

Guard at the Studio Entrance:
[to Cheech] Hey, fella, you need a pass.

Cheech:
[covered in ashes after the car explosion] Oh, uh... I'm with the Towering Inferno, man.

Guard at the Studio Entrance:
[to Cheech after leaving in a van] Hey, fella, your pass?

Cheech:
Pass? Oh, thanks a lot, man.

[After shifting gasoline that has spilt on their clothes, Chong tries to light a joint]

Chong:
You got a light, man?

Cheech:
Huh? Oh yeah, here. [hands him a lighter] Hey, I don't think you better light it in here, man.

Chong:
Why?

Cheech:
Ah, these gas fumes, man.

Chong:
Oh man. '[flicks the lighter]

Cheech:
I don't know. [the inside of the car explodes]

Cheech:
Want me to teach you some Spanish, man?

Chong:
Okay.

Cheech:
When you see a friend, you say "Hey, how's it going, Pendejo?"

Chong:
"Hey, how's it going, Pendecko?"

Cheech:
...Yeah, that's close enough.

Chong:
What does that mean, man?

Cheech:
Oh, it means my really good friend.

Chong:
"How's it going, Pend... Pen..." How was that, again?

Cheech:
Pendejo.

Chong:
Pendecko.

Dwayne "Red" Mendoza:
Cheech! Hey, you old pile of horseshit! How are you? Goddamn, you got ugly! How ya doing, man?

Chong:
Good, man.

Dwayne "Red" Mendoza:
I haven't seen you in ten years, man!

Chong:
I'm not Cheech, man.

Dwayne "Red" Mendoza:
What?

Chong:
I'm Cheech's friend Chong.

Dwayne "Red" Mendoza:
Oh, hey, Ching! Good to meet you!

Desk Clerk:
[on phone with police] Look, this is the real thing this time! There are two crazies running around tearing the place up! I already told you our location! ERRRGH! Well, what are they doing, walking over here? Look, I think they're Iranians!... okay, thanks very much.

Pee-wee Herman:
Hey, you guys look a little familiar to me!

Dwayne "Red" Mendoza:
Hey, you smell kinda familiar.

Pee-wee Herman:
Ha, ha, ha. I'm the comedian. I'll tell the jokes, if you don't mind! If you think it's so easy, why don't you come up here and do it?

Gloria's Mom:
Yeah, go up there and tell a joke!

Pee-wee Herman:
That's right! You come up here and do it!

Dwayne "Red" Mendoza:
Okay!

Chong:
Yeah, man!

Pee-wee Herman:
F*** this. I'm going somewhere else. Hey, hey, here! [gives Red the finger and storms off]

Chong:
You're driving like an idiot, man.

Cheech:
I just can't get used to these automatics, man.

Chong:
Yeah, they are real complicated, aren't they?