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When I was a kid, I had to be near-death to see a doctor, so my daddy got into the habit of putting Robitussin on everything, and I mean EVERYTHING!
Daddy, I got asthama! "Well here, take some Robitussin!" Daddy, I got cancer! "Here, take some Robitussin!" Daddy, I broke my leg! "Here, put some Robitussin on it... that's right, let the Robitesum sink in there."
I took the AIDS test... passed it... with a 65! Now, the scary thing about the AIDS test is that when you take it, you don't get the results back for FIIIVVEE days, and in those five days you start reflectin'. You start reflectin' on every single piece of dirty, disgusting little sex you've ever had! Oh my God, 1993, what the f*** was I thinkin'? Then, you start callin' people up to see if they still alive!
Yeah, hello, is Stacy there? "This is Stacy." CLICK! Hello, is Tammy there? "Oh, Tammy dead." Well, what happened? "... she got hit by a bus." OH, THANK THE LORD!
When I was a kid, that's all we had was Robitussin. Whatever you got, Robitussin better handle it. I broke my leg once, daddy poured Robitussin all over it.
Yeah, boy! Let that 'tussin get in there. Let that 'tussin go down to the bone! If you run out of it, put some water in the jar, shake it up, more 'tussin! MORE 'TUSSIN!
What does daddy get for his hard work? The big piece of chicken at dinner! My mamma would kill us if one of us ate the big piece of chicken by accident!
What the... you ate the big piece of chicken! Oh, lord no! Now I gotta sew up some chicken! Give me two wings and a porkchop, daddy won't know the difference!
Guys, have you ever been with your lady in bed and you both talkin' dirty then you say somethin' that got you kicked out of bed. Where the woman's like "F*** me! Harder, harder, harder! F*** me daddy! F*** me! F*** me! Spank me! F*** me!" "Alright, ya ho!" "Who're you callin' a ho? Who da f*** are you callin' a ho? Untie me!"
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