Despicable Me

Despicable Me is a 2010 American computer-animated 3-D feature film from Universal Pictures and Illumination Entertainment that was released on July 9, 2010 in the United States. The film stars Steve Carell, Jason Segel, Russell Brand, Will Arnett, Kristen Wiig, Miranda Cosgrove, Dana Gaier, Elsie Fisher, and Julie Andrews.

Production: Universal Pictures
  Nominated for 1 Golden Globe. Another 3 wins & 40 nominations.
 
IMDB:
7.7
Metacritic:
72
Rotten Tomatoes:
81%
PG
Year:
2010
95
$251,476,985
Website
3,867 Views

[A minion named Lance drinks something purple out of an Erlenmeyer flask; suddenly he starts floating upwards]

Dr. Nefario:
We've been working on this for a while. It's a... anti-gravity serum.

Lance:
[notices he is drifting towards an open window; terrified] Ooh, ooh, ooh, melomo, aah! [disappears into the sky]

Dr. Nefario:
I meant to close that. He'll be all right, I'm sure.

Gru:
Do the effects wear off?

Dr. Nefario:
Uh, so far... [looks up at ten Minions floating about on the ceiling] No. No, they don't… and here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered. [shoots a Minion named Max with the fart gun, knocking him out]

Gru:
No, no, no. I said dart gun, not– [stops and starts fanning the scent away] Okay.

Dr. Nefario:
Oh! Yes. 'Cause I was wondering... under what circumstances would we use this? But anyway... [puts the fart gun away] ...What I really wanted to show you was this. [shows Gru a dozen cookies, which are actually spider-like robots]

Gru:
[delighted] Now those are cookie robots!

Agnes:
[suddenly disturbs Gru and Nefario; singing] La, la, la... I love unicorns...

Gru:
What are you doing here? I told you to stay in the kitchen.

Margo:
We got bored. What is this place?!

Gru:
Er...

Edith:
[about the liquid in a beaker] Can I drink this?

Dr. Nefario:
[taking the beaker] Do you want to explode?! [Edith kicks Dr. Nefario in the shin and he yowls in pain] GRU!

Gru:
Get back in the kitchen!

Agnes:
Will you play with us?

Gru:
No.

Agnes:
Why?

Gru:
Because I'm busy.

Margo:
Doing what?

Gru:
Um... okay, okay, you got me. The dentist thing is more of a hobby. In real life, I am a spy. And it is top secret and you may not tell anybody! Because if you do...

Edith:
What does this do? [Edith accidentally shoots the laser gun of Agnes' unicorn toy, scorching it; once Agnes lifts it, it crumbles to dust, she gasps]

Gru:
[angry] Hey!

Edith:
Oops.

Agnes:
My unicorn! You have to fix it!

Gru:
Fix it? Look, it has been disintegrated, by definition, it cannot be fixed.

[Agnes gasps, then starts holding her breath]

Gru:
That's freaking me out. What is she doing?

Margo:
She's gonna hold her breath until she gets a new one.

Gru:
[sighs; to Agnes] It is just a toy. Now stop it.

[Agnes keeps holding her breath, then her eyes roll up and she passes out on the floor]

Gru:
Okay, Okay! I'll fix it! [into microphone] Tim! Mark! Phil! [three minions immediately arrive in pneumatic tubes] This is very important. You have to get the little girl a new unicorn toy.

Mark:
Eh? Papoi? Bakanana papoi?

Tim:
No-no-no-no-no. Pa-poy. [rolls his eyes]

Mark:
Ah, Papoy! [Phil chuckles]

Gru:
Hey, hey, hey! A toy!

Mark:
Da, da, da. Papoy. [scoffs]

Gru:
Go, and hurry! [the three minions walk off]

Margo:
What are those?

Gru:
They are my... [Dr. Nefario looks at him; thinking] ...cousins. Jerry! Stuart! [two other Minions come in] Watch them and keep them away from me, please.

[Gru is pressured into stopping at the amusement park; they pass by one stall]

Agnes:
[seeing something off-screen] Aah! Oh my gosh! Look at that fluffy unicorn! He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die!

Edith:
Follow me!

Margo:
[pulling Gru's palm] You gotta let us play for it.

Gru:
No, no, no. No-no-no-no.

Agnes:
C'mon!

Gru:
[in a dull and bored tone] How much for the fluffy unicorn?

Carnival Barker:
Well, it's not for sale. But all you gotta do, to win it, is knock down that little spaceship there. Ha! It's easy! [points to a small plastic spaceship, which has a scary face on it; Gru sighs and hands him a dollar. The girls play, but lose]

Agnes:
Again!

[Gru walks away]

Margo:
Wait!

Edith:
Ah, come on. One more time.

Agnes:
Just one more! I accidentally closed my eyes.

[Gru gives in and hands over another dollar. The girls play, and this time, Agnes shoots a ball that hits the ship, but doesn't knock it over. The girls cheer until the sign overhead blinks the words "STOP", then "YOU LOSE!"; Edith grieves in disappointment, and Margo looks confused]

Gru:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What was that? She hit that! I saw that with my own eyes!

Carnival Barker:
Hey buddy, let me explain something to you. You see that little tin spaceship? Ya see how it's not knocked over? Do you know what that means, professor? It means you don't get the unicorn! [Gru frowns] Oooh! Uh-oh, someone's got a frowny face! [to Agnes] Boo, better luck next time!

[Agnes, her lip trembling and her eyes welling up with tears, looks at Gru. Gru's blood begins to boil.]

Gru:
Okay... my turn.

[He gives the Carnival Barker another dollar and the girls step aside. Gru whips out a blaster gun, aims, and fires; the Carnival Barker ducks; there is an explosion, the spaceship turns to ash and the Carnival Barker spins dizzily.]

Gru:
Knocked over!

[The Barker hurriedly gives Agnes the unicorn.]

Agnes:
[ecstatic] It's so fluffy!

Margo:
That...was awesome.

Edith:
You blew up the whole thing!

Agnes:
Let's go destroy another game!

[Gru turns on the TV which shows Mr. Perkins]

Gru:
Sorry to bother you Mr. Perkins, but I figured that you would want to see this! [shows the shrink ray] Huh? [Jerry manages to get off the couch, but Kevin, who is still sitting on it, is shrunk]

Mr. Perkins:
Well done, Gru. Rather impressive.

Gru:
Now, the rest of the plan is simple. [shows a picture] I fly to the moon... [shows another picture] ...I shrink the moon... [shows another picture] ...I grab the moon... [shows a poorly drawn picture, signed by Edith] I sit on the toilet... Wait, what?! [the girls laugh; nervous] Sorry. Sorry! Could you, uh... excuse me for just one second? [to the girls; whisper-yells] I told you not to touch my things, I told you, I told you, I told you a thousand times!

Margo:
[not paying attention] Uh-huh. Hey, can we order pizza?

Edith:
All right then.

Gru:
[picks up Agnes and puts her back] Pizza? You just had lunch!

Edith:
Not now, for dinner.

Gru:
Dinner?! Just fine, fine, fine, whatever! Just get back in there.

Margo:
Oh, uh, can we get stuffed crust?

[Gru suddenly stops with an irate look on his face]

Edith, Agnes, Stuart and Jerry:
Ooh, stuffed crust!

Gru:
I'll stuff you all in the crust!

Agnes:
[giggles] You're funny!

Gru:
Just don't come out of that room again! [closes the door; to Mr. Perkins] Alright. Sorry about that. Where were we?

Mr. Perkins:
You were sitting on the toilet.

Gru:
No, no, no. I'm sorry. That was a little attempt to humor. I know how much you like to laugh... [Mr. Perkins looks at him angrily] ...inside. Now I was saying... [notices the door was open]

Mr. Perkins:
You don't seem terribly focused, Gru.

Gru:
Believe me, I am completely focused. I-

Edith:
Hello? Whoa! That guy is huge!

Agnes:
Are we on TV?

Mr. Perkins:
What are those? Children?!

Gru:
[furious] What are you doing?! I told you to stay out of here! [chases the girls out of the room, then backpedals when Edith and Agnes aim the freeze ray at him] No, no, no!

Edith:
Freeze ray!

Mr. Perkins:
Mr. Gru?

Gru:
[makes karate sounds, but arrives with a frozen body, with the exception of his head, arms, and buttocks] As I was saying...

Mr. Perkins:
No need to continue, I've seen quite enough.

Gru:
But my plan--

Mr. Perkins:
Is a great plan, I love everything about your plan, except for one thing: you.

[Gru remembers some of his memories]

Young Gru:
Look, Mom! I drew a picture of me landing on the moon!

Gru's Mom:
[looks at Gru's picture, but turns back] Ehh.

Young Gru:
Look, Mom! I made a prototype of the rocket out of macaroni!

Gru's Mom:
[looks at he macaroni prototype, but regrets] Ehh.

Young Gru:
[excitedly] Look, Mom! I made the real rocket, based on the macaroni prototype! [presses a button and sends the rocket into space]

Gru's Mom:
[looks at Gru's rocket as it flies off] Ooo... [looks back at Gru] Ehh.

Gru:
[Reality hits him; he falls down and breaks the ice encasing him; confused] I... don't understand.

Mr. Perkins:
Let's face reality, Gru. You've been at this for far too long, with far too little success. We're gonna put our faith, our money, into a...well, a younger villain.

Gru:
But I--

Mr. Perkins:
It's over. Goodbye, Gru. [crushes his apple and the TV turns off]

Gru:
Okay, girls, time for bed.

Edith:
Ah, come on, we want a story.

Agnes:
[excited] Three Sleepy Kittens!

Gru:
Oh no, sorry, that book was accidentally destroyed maliciously.

[Kyle snorts]

Gru:
Tonight, we are going to read a new book. [shows his homemade book to the girls] This one is called, "One Big Unicorn" by... Who wrote it? Oh, me! I wrote it! [opens the book] Oh, look, it's a puppet book. Hey, watch this. [sticks his nose through a small hole] That's the horn.

[the girls laugh along with Gru]

Agnes:
This is gonna be the best book ever.

Gru:
Not to pat myself on the back, but yes, it probably will be. [opens the book] Here we go. "One big unicorn, strong and free, thought he was happy as he could be. Until 3 little kittens came around and turned his whole life upside down."

Edith:
[points to the page] Hey, that one looks like me!

Gru:
[pulls back the book] No, what are you talking about? These are kittens. Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental. [continues reading] "They made him laugh... [laughs] ...They made him cry." [sighs] "He never should have said goodbye. And now he knows he could never part, from those 3 little kittens that changed his hearts." [beats] The End. [closes the book] Okay, alright, good night.

[Gru starts to leave the girls' bedroom, but comes back and kisses Agnes and then Edith on the forehead; he bends over to kiss Margo, but she jumps up and throws her arms around his neck]

Margo:
I love you.

Gru:
[hugging her back; whispering] I love you too.

Share your thoughts on Despicable Me's quotes with the community:

Quote of the Day Today's Quote | Archive

Would you like us to send you a FREE inspiring quote delivered to your inbox daily?

Please enter your email address:

Citation

Use the citation below to add this movie page to your bibliography:

Style:MLAChicagoAPA

"Despicable Me Quotes." Quotes.net. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 6 Jun 2020. <https://www.quotes.net/movies/despicable_me_quotes_13297>.

Know another quote from Despicable Me?

Don't let people miss on a great quote from the "Despicable Me" movie - add it here!