Eunice

Ellen:
I thought when I saw Mama lying in that coffin, I thought 'Well she's with Daddy and with her old friends'. What'd you think, Phil?

Phillip:
I thought we should've had her frozen.

Ellen:
Phil! Honestly, what is the matter with you?

Phillip:
That's what I thought Ellen, I thought we should've put her in the deep freeze as soon as she died and then someday in the future she can be revived and she can be made young again and she could live forever as a young girl because nobody would ever have to die again. That's what I thought, you asked me what I thought, that's what I thought.

Ed:
I'm real sorry about your mama, Eunice.

Eunice:
Thank you, Ed.

Ed:
She was one of those people I didn't think would ever go. Too darn stubborn, you know what I mean?

Ed:
You haven't changed one iota, Eunice. Your hair's different, it's nice, I like it.

Eunice:
I had it fixed specially for the funeral. I don't like it.

Ellen:
Mama had such interesting old pieces, didn't she? Particularly this lamp.

Eunice:
[sharply] You want me to wrap that for you?

Ellen:
What do you mean?

Eunice:
Ever since we got home from the funeral, you have been trying to get your hands on Mama's stuff: the clock, the lamp, you want the silverware too?

Ellen:
Take it easy, Eunice, I thought you hated that clock anyway.

Eunice:
God, you take the cake. You don't waste a second, do you? Mama barely cold in her grave and here you are trying to strip THE WHOLE HOUSE! I'm surprised you didn't bring a moving van with you!

Eunice:
Mama! I'm gonna find you and then I'm gonna KILL YOU! Mama! Are you in here Mama? Mama? Mama? Mama you RABBIT KILLER! Where are you? Mama where are you? Mama! Mama! [picks up Thelma's picture and smashes it on the floor, sinks to the floor crawling] Mama! Oh Mama! She's gone! [crying] She's gone!

Phillip:
Yes Eunice, I'm afraid so.

Eunice:
She left me! She left me alone and I am NOTHING! I'm so nothing, I was ready to take Ed back, can you believe it? That poor fish. That poor frightened fish and I'm just like him. I have done nothing with my life!

Phillip:
Oh now you've done lots of things.

Eunice:
Oh don't humor me!

Phillip:
No I'm not, come on, sit up here. Come on.

Eunice:
[sobbing] I WANT MY MAMA!

Eunice:
It's so easy, isn't it Phillip, to spout advice about trying from your ivory tower. You never had to go through what I had to go through. You never had the responsibilities I had, you never had the commitments, and you never had the heartaches I ad either. No, you just led your own carefree, merry, selfish life.

Phillip:
Eunice, WHAT do you know about my life? You have never even let me finish a sentence! Alright, maybe I was selfish, maybe I should've taken more care of Mama, and maybe I'll always wonder about that, but Eunice, my life has not always been so merry and carefree. You want to hear about it? Huh? You want to hear about disappointment and failure? Fear? About rejection slips? You want to hear about being down to your last 75 cents, and just casually dropping in on somebody you hardly know because it might be dinnertime? And trying to act like you don't give a damn the whole time?

Eunice:
Now that's not what I...

Phillip:
No, SHUT UP and listen. Now I've had a few heartaches too Eunice, you want to hear about them? Are you the slightest bit interested?

Eunice:
Now just wait a minute, Phillip.

Phillip:
No YOU just wait a minute and listen, suppose my life was as merry and carefree as you think it was, WHAT'S that got to do with your life? And suppose I was the most selfish man in the world! How does that stop you from doing anything?

Eunice:
Because never once did you ever try to help me with anything...

Phillip:
Oh Eunice I have ALWAYS been willing to help you, you've never DONE anything!

Eunice:
Well I couldn't, I had Ed and I had Mama...

Phillip:
Dammit Eunice that is just an excuse and you know it!

Eunice:
No it's not...

Phillip:
YES IT IS! You always find some excuse! Eunice, you have never tried to do anything you wanted to do because you were afraid you would fail.

Eunice:
No!

Phillip:
Now that's the truth!

Eunice:
NOO!

Phillip:
STOP BLAMING EVERYONE ELSE! And if you REALLY want to be an actress, take a chance, stick your neck out, get off your butt and do it!

Eunice:
I wan't even with her when she died. That cold blooded nurse just called me up from the hospital and told me like she was announcing the time of day.

Ellen:
Eunice, you know what you ought to do, get yourself a pet. My little Sequin is the greatest comfort...

Eunice:
What's the use? A pet would only run off or die on me and I can't take another heartache. I used up all the love for anything in the animal kingdom on Fluffy.

Ellen:
Yes... I was never as fond of that rabbit as you were.

Eunice:
I used to think about him every day at school. And I'd think 'Hurry up 3 o' clock, hurry up 3 o' clock so I can run home to Fluffy', and then one day he wasn't there.

Ellen:
I have a bulletin for you about your precious Fluffy. Remember the day he disappeared? Well Toots, that wasn't fried chicken we had for dinner that night!

Eunice:
[chases her out on the porch] MURDERERS! CANNIBALS!

Ellen:
We didn't do it. Mama did it! She was sick and tired of cleaning up after that rabbit, so she took it to the butcher and had it SKINNED, and CLEANED!

Eunice:
Oh my GOD! FLUFFY! NO! [falls on her knees pounding the floor] FLUFFY! FLUFFY! AAAAAAAOOOWW!

Ellen:
Oh Heaven's sake, Eunice, if we hadn't eaten the damn rabbit it'd be dead by now of old age anyway. [leaves]

Eunice:
[to Phil] You knew about this?

Phillip:
Well after it was all over, Eunice, but Mama didn't want to upset you, so she made me promise I wouldn't say anything.

Eunice:
[gets up, looks around] Mama? Mama?

Phillip:
Eunice...

Eunice:
Mama, WHERE ARE YOU?

Eunice:
[answering phone] Hello? Who? Bubba? Bubba is that you? WHERE ARE YOU? OH I see, is that why you're calling me on the phone, to not tell me where you are?

Thelma 'Mama' Harper:
You let me talk to that boy.

Eunice:
You butt out old lady. [into phone] Do you have any idea how much money I've had to scrape together to try to find you? I even had to borrow from your uncle Phil and how do you think that makes me feel, huh? Well how the HELL do you expect me to sound? I haven't heard from you in almost a year! I don't expect any consideration from you, but you might've at least thought about your grandma but never once in your whole life have you ever thought about anybody else's feelings... DON'T YOU DARE SHOUT AT ME, BUBBA HIGGINS! [pause, hangs up]

Thelma 'Mama' Harper:
I wish I'd answered the phone.

Eunice:
Oh then everything would've been alright, huh?

Thelma 'Mama' Harper:
I'm not saying that, Eunice, but at least I would've found out where the boy was.

Eunice:
I ASKED him where he was.

Phillip:
I wonder what he wanted?

Eunice:
Money probably. That's enough! That's enough about that phone call. Neither one of ya heard that boy's tone of voice. Well if he thinks he's gonna call me up and rake me over the coals, I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of being upset.

Thelma 'Mama' Harper:
You never did know how to handle Bubba.

Eunice:
What the hell do YOU know about raising kids anyway? Your whole method is to slap them down anytime the try to do something.

Thelma 'Mama' Harper:
All I've ever done was trying to pound some sense into you, Missy.