Father Knows Best

Kathy:
Aww! Turn Blue.

Bud Anderson:
You've been around so long and seen so much and done so much, and still manage to look so good.

Jim Anderson:
Thanks a lot!

Bud Anderson:
I think you look real young. Honest. Younger than Joe Phillips' dad, younger than Claude Mesner's uncle, why even younger than...

Jim Anderson:
Bud, before you have me back in kindergarten, see who's at the door, will you?

Bud Anderson:
This is a special delivery for Dad from the Universal Alumni Association.

Jim Anderson:
I wonder how much money they want now. [Bud is shaking Jim's letter, trying to read it] Why don't you hold it up to the light so you can see it better?

Bud Anderson:
Never thought of that. [Holds it up to the light] Can't see a thing.

Jim Anderson:
Bud, as long as it's addressed to me, do you mind letting me have it?

Bud Anderson:
How many were in your class, Dad?

Jim Anderson:
Oh, 2-300 I guess.

Bud Anderson:
How many are left?

Bud Anderson:
I saw your insurance chart once and it says the life expectancy of the average man is...

Jim Anderson:
Bud, for your information, I look barely in my '40s. That hardly qualifies me for the home for the aged. Yet.

James 'Bud' Anderson, Jr.:
Boy what a break, sweet and tender.

Kathy:
You can always depend on me.

Margaret Anderson:
Well, I suppose Father knows best.

Bud:
[speaking to Kathy] Why, this is the goofiest idea you ever had. Framing your birth certificate?

St. Peter:
We keep throwing difficult choices in your path to test you, and it's the decisions you make that shape you into what you are.

[last lines]

Margaret Anderson:
Well, what on Earth happened tonight? I'm dying to know.

Jim Anderson:
Well, I guess what happened was - our little girl grew up tonight. And you know how? By going back to her own age.

Margaret Anderson:
[after Jim's plan appears to be working] You think you're pretty smart, don't you?

Jim Anderson:
Well, you know what they say - "Father...

Betty 'Princess' Anderson:
- crows best".

[last lines]

Jim Anderson:
[browsing through a list of college courses] There's another one here - Animal Husbandry. You know, if they can make good husbands out of animals, maybe they can do something for me!

Margaret Anderson:
When a man comes in the door - sisterly love flies out the window.

[opening introduction]

Robert Young:
For tonight only, while the family's on vacation, we have the opportunity to present a special program. It's a dramatic story set in Arizona in the year 1860. In a few seconds, when again we meet, I'll be one of five passengers riding the stage to Yuma, which happens to be the title of our story.

James 'Jim' Anderson:
[Tries to cheer sulking Kathy] Well, Kitten, it won't be long now. Pretty soon, we'll get a glimpse of old Santa's boot coming down the chimney.

James 'Bud' Anderson Jr.:
If it does, she'll give him a hotfoot!

James 'Jim' Anderson:
[arguing]... this applies to all women. You insist on taking all the credit. When a man, of his own volition and free choice, selects a girl he likes - the girl immediately claims she hooked him. Chances are she had nothing to do with it.

Betty 'Princess' Anderson:
Oh, Father! You are naive.

Margaret Anderson:
You know the old saying, dear. 'A girl let's a boy chase her, till she catches him.'

James 'Jim' Anderson:
[exasperated] Oh, Margaret.

Margaret Anderson:
Well, that's how I caught you.

[the Anderson family are trapped at an abandoned mountain lodge on Christmas Eve]

Betty 'Princess' Anderson:
We've got to get back. If I don't go to the Christmas party, I'll die!

James 'Jim' Anderson:
Well, don't do it out here. Wait until you get inside where it's warmer.

Margaret Anderson:
Do you happen to have a truck that can pull our car out or know someone who has one?

Nick:
No ma'am, I don't. Won't do no good anyway. Driftin' might stout out there tonight.

Margaret Anderson:
We've got to get home or we won't have any Christmas!

Nick:
No? Well now, did you ever think of this? It's Christmas up here, too.

Nick:
What's your name, son?

James 'Bud' Anderson Jr.:
Bud, sir.

Nick:
Bud, sir. Good straight-forward name, son.

James 'Bud' Anderson Jr.:
What's yours?

Nick:
Mine? Mine's Nick - or it's Old Nick or it's That Old Man. The name's a label, but the label isn't the important thing - it's what's inside the package that counts.

Nick:
Do you know what's going to happen tonight? A big, beautiful Christmas tree is going to grow up right through the floor about right over there.

Kathy 'Kitten' Anderson:
Honest?

Nick:
Honest injun. Scout's honor.

Kathy 'Kitten' Anderson:
Are you a boy scout, too?

Nick:
Tonight, Kathy, I'm everybody.

Kathy 'Kitten' Anderson:
Huh?

Nick:
I'm a man; I'm a little boy. I'm a father; I'm an uncle, a friend and a stranger - and I'm rich because you're my friend - and because I own tonight.

Les Turner:
How come a smart old coot like you gave yourself away? You knew that smoke in the chimney would lead me right to you.

Nick:
Yeah, sure, but you gotta take a chance when you're lonely.

Les Turner:
You're lonely?

Nick:
Being alone ain't what makes a man lonely. That's just times when a man needs more. You take like... like Christmas Eve.

[first lines]

Jim Anderson:
That's what I said! Famous! We are on the verge of becoming a famous family!

Betty 'Princess' Anderson:
Well, why? How do we rate that?

Kathy 'Kitten' Anderson:
What did we do, Daddy?

Jim Anderson:
Well, I'm not exactly sure! All I know is we're gonna be written up in a magazine!