Happy, Texas

Josephine McClintock:
The last man in that safe who didn't work here, my Daddy shot in his tracks.

Harry Sawyer:
I understand that's the most painful place to be shot in.

Sheriff Chappy Dent:
I guess like, like everybody I'm scared of bein', you know, rejected.

Harry Sawyer:
There's no way, man. You're a real catch, you're a man's man, a nice guy. You've got your health. And everybody knows what a turn-on that uniform is.

Josephine McClintock:
I guess I should be flattered by your stalking.

Harry Sawyer:
There's such a fine line between... stalking and, and being attentive, and I was - I don't know - going for being attentive.

Sheriff Chappy Dent:
That's what life's for, isn't it? Finding out?

Wayne Wayne Wayne Jr.:
If you ever leave me with a kid again I'll make sure you never have one. You have no idea what those screaming booger eaters are like. They expect you to... know stuff!

Wayne Wayne Wayne Jr.:
Okay, God, just... want you to look down on these girls here. They're like little flowers, and the rain you send 'em gutta be gentle and sweet. We come to you today, and we ask you to just... help 'em - help us grab this pageant by the balls and rip 'em off! I mean, if those judges don't like us, then screw 'em. These girls here - they're talented, they're pretty, and if those judges say anything different, then I hope that on Judgement Day you put their asses through a meat grinder!... Amen.

Wayne Wayne Wayne Jr.:
The Light IS GREEN!

Wayne Wayne Wayne Jr.:
Waddya mean "WE?" Did you grow another face?

Sheriff Chappy Dent:
Give me the meanest steak you got! Rare, and I mean rare! Just de-horn it, wipe its butt and send it in.

Harry Sawyer:
Don't make me come after you, they'll shoot me!

Wayne Wayne Wayne Jr.:
You don't think I know what you're doin', do you? Goin' to the banker lady's house for popcorn and pillow talk. Goin' huntin'. What did you do tonight? Did you go someplace nice for dinner? Did you have a few drinks? Hmm? You don't think I'd like to get out some night or have a nice meal? Spend one night not thinkin' about the girls? You know what I did tonight? I'll tell you what I did. I spent it right here

Wayne Wayne Wayne Jr.:
tryin' to figure out if slip-stitchin' or bastin' is the best way to put on a sparkly heart. Because you know what? I don't know how.

Wayne Wayne Wayne Jr.:
The pageant judges are gonna be here tomorrow. Madison's not gotten all the way through her song. The numbers are all over the place. Nobody can keep the beat. And I'm scared to death that Jency is gonna drop her fire baton and fry like one of them Buddhist monks.

Marshal Nalhober:
Well I'll be dipped.

Marshal Nalhober:
Great googely moogely!

Marshal Nalhober:
Sheriff Dent. I just want to shake your hand. I wish there were more men like you in law enforcement. You are one big dick cop.

Sheriff Chappy Dent:
Thank you.