Love Potion No. 9

Diane Farrow:
There was this experiment where an electrode was planted in the pleasure center of a monkey's brain. When the monkey hit a button, it sent a signal to the electrode, in effect, exciting the monkey sexually.

Woman at luncheon:
You're kidding.

Diane Farrow:
No. Can you guess what happened?

Woman at luncheon:
Was it a male monkey?

Diane Farrow:
Yes.

Woman at luncheon:
He slammed the button till he died.

Diane Farrow:
Oh, so you know this experiment?

Woman at luncheon:
I know men, honey.

Paul Matthews:
About once a month my friends and I get together and do something different for fun. Sometimes we go bowling or miniature golf or a movie or something. One night we went down to a gypsy palm reader at 34th and Vine.

Paul Matthews:
You look familiar.

Prince Geoffrey:
Yeah, I'm the Prince of England.

Diane Farrow:
Was there a second date that I'm not aware of?

Diane Farrow:
You know, all my life, I've felt ugly, and now I have the worlds most desireable man telling me that I am beautiful. I have the Prince of England at home pining for me. I mean, Paul, this is like a dream come true. i could be a princess.

Enrico Pazzoli:
Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?

Diane Farrow:
No. No one in their right mind.

Prince Geoffrey:
You're not speaking. You notice Diane isn't speaking?

[last lines]

Madame Ruth:
Ahh, that's nice.

Paul Matthews:
Except for the fact she had kind of a boyfriend, Diane was exactly my type.

Paul Matthews:
Well, I'd like to tell you that 5 minutes after I kissed Diane she came running out into my arms and that we fell in love forever, but that's not what happened.

Paul Matthews:
It took six minutes.

Paul Matthews:
How do you synthesize a methylated alkaloid?

Blonde at Bar:
[short pause] I don't know.

Paul Matthews:
Too bad.

Paul Matthews:
Hey, what do you think of those pretzels?