Major Dad

Major Dad

Major Dad is an American sitcom created by Richard C. Okie and John G. Stephens, developed by Earl Pomerantz, that originally ran from 1989 to 1993 on CBS, starring Gerald McRaney as Major John D. MacGillis and Shanna Reed as his wife Polly. The cast also includes Beverly Archer, Matt Mulhern, Jon Cypher, Marisa Ryan, Nicole Dubuc, and Chelsea Hertford.

Year:
1989
1,274 Views

Miss Shields:
The faculty was very concerned about Miss Elizabeth's article. We decided the situation called for parental involvement.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Front and center.

Miss Shields:
Don't interrupt. How do you feel about these children wearing boxer shorts to school?

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Ah, well, that depends on whether you can see them or not. [laughs and stops when he sees Mrs. Shields is not] I'm against it.

Miss Shields:
So are we. Neat minds call for neat clothing. You Marine's understand that.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Yes, ma'am.

Miss Shields:
How do you feel about people flagrantly disobeying the rules?

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
I'm against that, too.

Miss Shields:
You shoot people for that, don't you?

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
No, ma'am.

Miss Shields:
Study up - I think you do. Elizabeth, I know you put a lot of effort into this article; it was thoroughly researched, thoughtfully structured, and powerfully written.

Elizabeth Cooper McGillis:
Thank you.

Miss Shields:
But it was wrong, don't you see? If we don't follow the rules we have anarcy and those silly '60's all over again. Do you agree, major?

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
I do.

Miss Shields:
And it's up to the people in charge to see that we follow the rules. Do you agree?

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
I do.

Miss Shields:
Then you also agree we should not print this article.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
No, I don't.

Miss Shields:
What?

Elizabeth Cooper McGillis:
What? [looking at him surprised]

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Mrs. Shields, I think these girls wearing boxer shorts to school is just about as rediculous as those little pants they stick on lamb chops. I also believe that if everybody went around breaking the rules, the world would go to Hell in a hand basket.

Miss Shields:
Then what's the problem?

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Well, it's just this little thing called the Bill of Rights. I'm sure that somewhere in this school there's a civic's class and I suspect they teach these kids about freedom of the press, but then they come in here and they find it doesn't apply to them. What kind of teachin' is that? 20 years ago when I joined the Cor', I swore an oath to defend and protect, among other things, everybody's right to freedom of expression, whether I agree with them or not. IF the uniform or short hair made you think any different, then with all due respect, ma'am, you have more to learn than your kids.

Elizabeth Cooper McGillis:
Whoa.

Miss Shields:
Your point is well taken, major. Your grammar needs work. [looks at Elizabeth] I will print your article.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Casey, we need to talk. Why did you take my medal? [refering to his father's Purple Heart Casey lost]

Casey Cooper McGillis:
I don't know.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Well, what were you thinking?

Casey Cooper McGillis:
I don't know.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Didn't you know it was wrong?

Casey Cooper McGillis:
I don't know.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Casey, sit down. [he lowers down on his haunches] All right, look - suppose I took something of yours you really cared about. Suppose I took Wubby. [pointing to her stuffed animal]

Casey Cooper McGillis:
Why would you take Wubby?

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
I don't know.

Casey Cooper McGillis:
Do you like him?

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Doesn't matter. But suppose I took him to work, and I lost him. What would you do?

Casey Cooper McGillis:
I'd get him back.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
How?

Casey Cooper McGillis:
I'd call him and he'd come.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
No, he can't hear you, he's at the base.

Casey Cooper McGillis:
He can hear me anywhere!

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Somebody stuffed cotton in his ears.

Casey Cooper McGillis:
He can find his way home; he'd follow you car.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
I drive through the motor range - he takes a direct hit!

Casey Cooper McGillis:
He wears a magic hat and nothing can hurt him.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Casey! [angry] I'll be right back. [goes back to the kitchen where Polly waits]

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
I can't whop her.

Polly Cooper McGillis:
That's wonderful! [hugs him]

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Not until I calm down. [he exist out the kitchen's back door; there is a loud smash from him hitting something. He walks back in] Okay.

Polly Cooper McGillis:
John, the punishment's already been meaded out; she's grounded and no TV for a month.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
You call that punishment?

Polly Cooper McGillis:
I call that a very serious punishment.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
I call that a chance to catch up on your reading.

Polly Cooper McGillis:
What did you have in mind?

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
I'd go spank her. [motions with a hand and starts moving toward the kitchen exit into the living room where Casey is awaiting punishment]

Polly Cooper McGillis:
I... wait, John - we don't spank here. We have our own method of discipline and the kids are turning out just fine.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Oh, really? Where's my medal? [holds his empty right hand palm up] Probably stuck to the bottom of somebody's shoe.

Polly Cooper McGillis:
Wait, John! There has to be a better way to discipline someone than whaling the tar out of them.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
No, Polly - I don't "whale". Now, Casey is about to recieve a very calm, a very rational whoppin'.

Polly Cooper McGillis:
Good, she'll appreciate the subtle distinction.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
A good honest whoppin' helps a child remember what's right, and what's wrong. It also lets them know you mean what you say and you're willing to back it up.

Polly Cooper McGillis:
Where'd you get that? The Whopper's Handbook?

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Well, it's better than the Liberal's Guide to Child Pampering. [in a mocking tone] If a child misbehaves, set it down, then frown for it, and say, "Do you see this face? This is my disappointed face."

Polly Cooper McGillis:
See? Not so hard.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Well, what about the direct honest approach? You're mad at 'em. You tell 'em so and you whop 'em.

Polly Cooper McGillis:
What if Casey has already learned her lesson? That what she did was wrong and she'll never do it again. [blocking him from leaving the kitchen]

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Without a whoppin'?

Polly Cooper McGillis:
Oh, God - your'e itchin' to do it, aren't you? Whop! Whop! Whop! [like one of the Three Stoges]

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Temper, temper, temper. [pats her on the head]

Polly Cooper McGillis:
Okay. doesn't Casey at least deserve a chance to prove she doesn't need to be spanked?

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Okay, I'm willing to be fair. But the smart money's on whoppin'. [walks passed her out the kitchen]

Gen. Marcus C. Craig:
[after drinking some wine poured by his wife just barely in view of the camera] What can I say, that has already not been said about the magnificent base that is Camp Hollister. It was Camp Hollister. It has been my privilege to serve as base commander for the last three and final years of Hollister's glorious history. But it is said all good things must end. And so it is with Hollister. It does no good to rage against our fate. Or more precisely those dunderheads in Congress; all they can hear is the sound of those thirty pieces of silver clanking in their pockets.

Mimzy Craig:
[off camera] Marcus!

Gen. Marcus C. Craig:
[pointing to her and taking another sip] It's true and you know it. Just like to ask those penny-pinching pinheads: if your'e so hot to save dollars, why not start with the big bucks you send out to countries each year that hate our guts and have no intention of paying it back?

Mimzy Craig:
[just off camera again, so we don't see her face] Marcus!

Gen. Marcus C. Craig:
[taking another sip] Pipe down, woman! Oh, and another thing: what about the hundreds of government limos you see driving Federal fatcats all over Washington? I say... [yelling] TAKE THE DAMN BUS! Marines don't use limos! We march! Maybe it more government officials marched there'd be more money to keep outstanding bases like our alive! Hit me again, Mimzy! [takes another sip]

Polly Cooper McGillis:
[shutting off the video] Just thought you might like to see it before I burn it.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Robin problem - run it down.

Elizabeth Cooper McGillis:
Robin's a surfboard, she wants to be a turtle.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
I don't know what that means.

Elizabeth Cooper McGillis:
You wouldn't, you're old. [stands up and walks around] You see, when a girl reaches a certain age, she's either a surfboard [rubs his back] or a turtle [picks at the shirt on his back] Snap, snap.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Ah huh. And Robin wants to be...

Elizabeth Cooper McGillis:
Turtle.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Snap, snap.

Elizabeth Cooper McGillis:
Dad.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Elizabeth, I don't want to pry or anything, but... ahhh... has Robin developed anything snap worthy?

Elizabeth Cooper McGillis:
Well, it doesn't matter. Every girl in Robin's class wears one and if you don't you get teased.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
How?

Elizabeth Cooper McGillis:
They call you a surfboard. Look, major, if you're embarrsed about it...

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
- No! No, no, no

Elizabeth Cooper McGillis:
No, I mean - it's okay; Robin can suffer 'til mom gets back.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Well, she doesn't have to. I'm, I'm mom tonight.

Elizabeth Cooper McGillis:
Ah, nice try, but I think Robin needs a different kind of mom.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Oh, yeah? Well, what kind?

Elizabeth Cooper McGillis:
One without facial hair.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Look, if I - if Robin and I face this thing square on and, ah, talk straight and take action, I think we'll be just fine. [walks out of the kitchen and to Robin sitting on the living room couch] So, understand we need a brassiere. [in a commanding tone; Robin gets a look of shock on her face and runs away]

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
I was going to let you see her anyway; all the scheming was for nothing. [speaking of Chip dating Elizabeth]

Chip Russell:
So it's okay with you.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
No. You're a sneak, and I don't want Elizabeth involved with a sneak.

Chip Russell:
Outstanding. So now I'm to throw myself at your mercy, promise to mend my ways, and beg you to let me see her.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Have at it.

Chip Russell:
See, there's just one problem: I don't want to see her. [gets up and approaches the office door]

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Halt! You do so.

Chip Russell:
Why would I?

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Because she's bright, and she's pretty, and she has a great sense of humor, and you like her.

Chip Russell:
You're right, sir.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Bet I am.

Chip Russell:
But I've been around the Core for around 16 years and I know how officers are about their daughters. With all due respect, I really don't want to have to put up with all the crap. Sir. so, ah, tell Elizabeth I'm sorry. [walks back to the door]

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
Halt! [gets up from his desk and stands face-to-face with Chip] How much crap will you put up with?

Chip Russell:
Not much.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
But some.

Chip Russell:
Let's talk. [sits down] I want unlimited freedom; no curfew, no restrictions, no questions asked.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
[opens the office door] I'll tell Elizabeth you said "Good-bye".

Chip Russell:
[Chip shuts the door] Major, this is a negotiation; you ask for the world, then you haggle.

Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis:
[sits back down, too] You will date only on Friday's, curfew will be twenty-two hundred, and after you've been together for a month you may... hold hands.


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