Neighbors

Ramona:
I was real friendly with a boy named Earl once - well, twice really.

Vic:
We haven't any children, unless Ramona just pumped one out and didn't tell me about it.

Vic:
We're waiting, or do I have to pound it out of you?

Earl Keese:
Don't ever speak to me like that in my own house!

Vic:
Why would I?

Earl Keese:
You just did.

Vic:
I didn't mean anything - it's just something a guy says.

Earl Keese:
I never say it.

Vic:
I don't blame you.

Ramona:
God, does it always shrivel up like that when you shower?

Ramona:
I don't care about your weight or your false teeth.

Earl Keese:
I haven't got false teeth!

Ramona:
I'm sorry, I guess they just look false.

Vic:
Believe me, I know women - upside down and backwards, which is not a bad way to know 'em, huh?

Pa Greavy:
Well, I hear you got a whore in there.

Earl Keese:
Who told you that?

Pa Greavy:
That's what I heard.

Earl Keese:
Well, you heard wrong.

Pa Greavy:
You ain't got a whore in there?

Earl Keese:
No.

Pa Greavy:
Wouldn't know where I could find one?

Earl Keese:
Of course not!

Pa Greavy:
One shows up, let me know?

Ramona:
Now, I'm just going to go under the covers and take a little inventory. Promise you won't go away.

Earl Keese:
You're really wonderful!

Ramona:
That's what I've been trying to tell you. Is it so hard having your fantasies come to life?

Vic:
Stay here on the outer limits of the dead end zone? Nothing personal, but life at the end of the road just ain't for Captain Vic and Empress Ramona. Sorry folks, but you can color us gone.

Ramona:
You should have slipped it through the mail slot while you had the chance, Earl.

Vic:
We'll get your jacket later. Right now, take me to THE SWAMP.

Vic:
Old Earl here was worried about Baby.

Enid Keese:
Oh, he's no trouble at all. He's a perfect gentleman. You can leave him with me anytime you want.

Vic:
Don't worry, I will.

Enid Keese:
[to Earl] They spoil him awfully.

Vic:
Well, I want him to have every advantage I was denied as a young dog.

Vic:
In light of Earl's feelings, I think it would be best if we left.

Enid Keese:
Oh, no, no. Sit down, sit down. Let's finish this magnificent meat. Don't worry about Earl. He'll get over his feelings.

Vic:
He spurned my sauce!

Enid Keese:
No, he loves your sauce. He's just jealous, he can't cook.

Ramona:
He tried to pork me.

Earl Keese:
Pork you? What?

Ramona:
You know you did.

Earl Keese:
I swear, I never touched her.

Ramona:
Well, I wasn't born with your hand in my bush.

Earl Keese:
Enid... help me.

Vic:
Hey, Earl, want some of your daughter's panties? They come in four flavors; banana, peach, mint and, of course, CHERRY.

Vic:
We might have a wonderful relationship. But then, as Arthur Bremer once said: "How many things go right in this crazy world?"

Earl Keese:
This is crazy... but there's something so right about it.