Ocean's Twelve

Linus Caldwell:
Hey, can I ask you something? You ever notice that...

Rusty Ryan:
If you're gonna ask if you can ask me a question, give me time to respond. Unless you're asking rhetorically, in which case the answer is obvious - yes.

Linus Caldwell:
Okay, can I ask you...

Rusty Ryan:
Yes.

Linus Caldwell:
Thanks. You ever notice that Tess looks...

Rusty Ryan:
Ooh, don't ever ask that. Ever. Seriously. Not to anyone, especially not to her.

Linus Caldwell:
Wait, why not?

Rusty Ryan:
Look, it's not in my nature to be mysterious. But I can't talk about it and I can't talk about why.

Linus Caldwell:
Oooooooooo.

Tess Ocean:
You're doing recon work on our anniversary?

Danny Ocean:
Tess...

Danny Ocean:
Do I look 50 to you?

Basher Tarr:
Yes.

Danny Ocean:
Really?

Basher Tarr:
Well... from the neck up.

Linus Caldwell:
What did I say?

Danny Ocean:
You called his niece a whore.

Rusty Ryan:
A very cheap one.

Danny Ocean:
She's seven.

Saul Bloom:
I want the last check I write to bounce.

Terry Benedict:
Nothing is worth nothing.

Turk Malloy:
Come on, he's one guy, and he's French.

Bruce Willis:
You'd better call the rice paddy.

Linus Caldwell:
Protect your fake baby, protect your fake baby!

Virgil Malloy:
Doesn't this guy believe in fresh air?

Rusty Ryan:
He opens the second floor window every now and then.

Virgil Malloy:
What does that mean?

Rusty Ryan:
It means he opens the second floor window every now and then.

Linus Caldwell:
I blew the meet with Matsui.

Danny Ocean:
That guy doing Potsi is incredible.

Tess Ocean:
There's water in the basement, and the pilot light is out.

Rusty Ryan:
Of course, we haven't considered the most obvious solution.

Danny Ocean:
Oh yeah?

Rusty Ryan:
We could turn ourselves in. Go to jail. Nothing Benedict could do to us there.

Danny Ocean:
Yeah, good idea. We all go to the cops and confess to the Bellagio robbery. That averages twenty years for grand larceny for each of us. Yeah, that'd teach him.

Rusty Ryan:
A doctor who specializes in skin diseases, who dreams that he has fallen asleep in front of the television later to wake up in front of the television and not remember his dream.

Tess Ocean:
Ma Marcus?

Julia Roberts:
Um... No it's Julia.

Tess Ocean:
um... oh... Hello Julia... it's ah... Julia.

Linus Caldwell:
So we do a Lookie-Loo... it's actually a Lookie-Loo with a Bundle of Joy!

Basher Tarr:
A Lookie-Loo... with Tess... and a Bundle of Joy?

Linus Caldwell:
Yeah!

Basher Tarr:
You've gone right out of your tree, my son.

Basher Tarr:
He's mad. It's madness.

Turk Malloy:
Yeah, it's crazy. It's Italian television crazy, and, we're still one short.

Linus Caldwell:
No no, but think about it. She can get near the egg, during daylight hours, with at least half the system down! Well that's a trifecta!

Basher Tarr:
You might be right. Make the call.

Danny Ocean:
How old do you think I am?

Virgil Malloy:
48?

Danny Ocean:
You think I'm 48 years old?

Virgil Malloy:
52?

Frank Catton:
Let me break it down for you like a fraction.

Danny Ocean:
Oh.

Rusty Ryan:
Oh. Ohhh. That's just mean.

Tess Ocean:
This is just wrong.

Linus Caldwell:
You mean like... morally?

Tess Ocean:
Well... yeah I guess.

Terry Benedict:
The last time we talked, you hung up on me.

Rusty Ryan:
You used nasty words.

Danny Ocean:
If all the animals on the equator were capable of flattery, then Hallowe?en and Thanksgiving would fall on the same date.

Benedict:
I have a message for Robert Charles Ryan, soon to be the ex-owner of the Standard Hotel.

Rusty:
You got him.

Benedict:
The last we spoke, you hung up on me.

Rusty:
You used nasty words. I got sensitive ears

Topher:
Jesus Christ! Are you people retarded?! It says "Do not disturb"!

Rusty:
It's me.

Danny:
Do I look 50 to you?

Basher:
Yeah.

Danny:
Really?

Basher:
Well, I mean, you know, only from the neck up.

Turk:
It's ridiculous, I mean this is a moral issue we're dealing with here. Not to mention we don't have a grease man anymore, because he's in a bag somewhere. We don't know.

Virgil:
We got a bag man.

Turk:
Such an ape, an animal, with no feelings you are.

Virgil:
I have feelings.

Turk:
No, you don't.

Virgil:
Look, yeah, I do I feel bad for the guy. He's a human being in a piece of luggage, but you got water, he's got air. What did you want them to do?

Turk:
Oh my God, they should have gotten off the bus, get off the bus and pick up the bag with our friend in it.

Virgil:
Get off the bus, they were trying to be inconspicuous. How many soccer teams do you know that are fielding 50 year-old men?

Danny:
Rusty's not 50 years old.

Turk:
Yeah dude, we know Rusty's not 50.

Danny:
You think I'm 50 years old? Let me ask you something... [to Virgil] no, let me ask you something: how old do you think I am?

Virgil:
48?

Danny:
You think I'm 48 years old?

Virgil:
52?

[Danny walks off]

Linus:
What did I say?

Danny:
You called his niece a whore.

Linus:
What?!?

Rusty:
A very cheap one.

Danny:
She's seven.

Rusty:
Currently confined to bed with a wicked case of...

Danny:
No, don't tell him that.

Rusty:
I'm sorry.

Turk:
Hell in a hand-basket?

Linus:
No, we... can't train a cat that quickly. And...

Turk, Linus, Basher:
[together] Not enough people!

Danny:
What are you doing?

Rusty:
Sleeping. Why are you dressed?

Danny:
It's 5:30, day of. Gotta go, let's go!

Rusty:
It's 11:30. The night before.

Danny:
Oh... But... [realises he was given a prank wake-up call by Toulour] Oh.

Rusty:
Oh! Oh, he's mean. He's just mean spirited. All right, how many espressos did you have?

Danny:
Five.

Molly:
I hope Danny And Rusty appreciate the fine job you did - in a tight jam? I'm really proud of you.

Linus:
Thanks.

Molly:
We both are.

Linus:
[pauses and looks at her] You told Dad? You told Dad?

Molly:
I had to, sweetheart. We were on vacation. [Linus shakes his head, and looks away] I'm sorry.

Linus:
Great. you guys are gonna be dining out on this one for months! Hey, you remember the time your mom had to go to Rome, blah, blah, blah? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?

Reuben:
If, God forbid, anything does happen to you, we will not be involved.

Benedict:
You better not be, Reuben. You better not be.

Danny Ocean:
Do I look 50 to you?

Rusty Ryan:
[to Topher Grace] Geez, Topher, you don't have to go all Frankie Muniz on me.

Rusty Ryan:
(to Danny Ocean) 10:45, we all get arrested.

Rusty Ryan:
(to Linus Caldwell) If you are going to ask me a question give me some time to respond, unless the question is rhetorical in which case the answer is obvious, yes.

Terry Benedict:
[about Danny] Where is he, Tess? Where is... Mr. Diaz?

Terry Benedict:
[to Rusty Ryan] I was asked to show some restraint. Otherwise, you would have gone out to your favorite car with all the 17 you own and as soon as you turn on the ignition--[car explodes] You got two weeks.

Turk Malloy:
[to Linus] Who died and made you Danny?

Roman Nagel:
[to Isabel, who is posing as Nicole, about Rusty Ryan] And tell him it's gonna cost him double. [pause] And tell him this thing is beautiful. And tell him I'm being a nice guy. And tell him he dresses like a gigolo. (on being asked if that is all) Yeah. No! Tell him—tell Rusty that having a sexy female assistant is such a terrible cliche. [Hangs up. Sexy female assistant emerges with Nagel's treo and brings him a coffee]

Reuben Tishkoff:
[ to Turk] Yeah, well I need to use the toilet otherwise I'm gonna sh*t on your shoes! C'mon Frank...

Reuben Tishkoff:
Are you having some telethon we don't know about?!

Reuben Tishkoff:
[Meeting a fortune teller, notices Benedict and his goons behind him] THIS? You couldn't see this?!