School of Rock

Dewey Finn:
Your kids have all really touched me, and I'm pretty sure that I've touched them.

Dewey Finn:
Now raise your goblet of rock. It's a toast to those who rock!

Dewey Finn:
I pledge allegiance... to the band... of Mr. Schneebly... and will not fight him... for creative control... and will defer to him on all issues related to the musical direction of the band.

Dewey Finn:
You, Freddy, what do you like to do?

Freddy:
I dunno.

Freddy:
Burn stuff?

Theo:
You're out. This is Spider; he's replacing you.

Spider:
What's up, dog.

Billy:
You.

Dewey Finn:
No, Billy, we've already told me off. Let's move on.

Billy:
You're tacky and I hate you!

Dewey Finn:
Okay, you see me after class!

Dewey Finn:
Ok, here's the deal. I have a hangover. Who knows what that means?

Frankie:
Doesn't that mean you're drunk?

Dewey Finn:
No. It means I was drunk yesterday.

Freddy:
It means you're an alcoholic.

Dewey Finn:
Wrong.

Freddy:
You wouldn't come to work with a hangover unless you were an alcoholic. Dude, you got a disease!

Dewey Finn:
Hmmm... hmmm... What's your name?

Freddy:
Freddy Jones.

Dewey Finn:
Ok, Freddy Jones, shut up!

Dewey Finn:
OK, Ms DumBum ain't your teacher today, I am, and I have a headache and the runs. So I say, time for recess!

Miss Mullins:
Sorry to interrupt, Mrs. Lemmons said that she heard music coming from the classroom.

Dewey Finn:
Uh oh, it looks like Mrs. Lemmons is on crack, right kids?

Dewey Finn:
Does anyone play drums?

Freddy:
I play percussion.

Frankie:
Yea, that's cause he couldn't play anything else!

Freddy:
Shut up!

Freddy:
Are we going to be goofing off like this everyday?

Dewey Finn:
We're not goofing off. We're creating musical fusion.

Freddy:
Ok, so are we going to be creating musical fusion everyday?

Dewey Finn:
Yes.

Freddy:
Cool!

Dewey Finn:
In the words of AC/DC: We roll tonight... to the guitar bite... and for those about to rock... I salute you.

Michelle:
Mr. S? We came up with some names for the band.

Dewey Finn:
All right, hit me.

Eleni:
The Bumblebees?

Dewey Finn:
No, it's too sissy.

Eleni:
The Koala Bears?

Dewey Finn:
No, what are you talking about? It's too sissy.

Dewey Finn:
Hey, Miss Mullins.

Michelle:
How about, Pig Rectum?

Rosalie Mullins:
Michelle!

Dewey Finn:
It's a science project.

Dewey Finn:
God of Rock, thank you for this chance to kick ass. We are your humble servants. Please give us the power to blow people's minds with our high voltage rock. In your name we pray, Amen.

Billy:
You're gonna talk to me about style? You can't even dress yourself... look at that bow tie.

Dewey Finn:
Don't you be talkin' about my bow tie.

Dewey Finn:
Give up, just quit, because in this life, you can't win. Yeah, you can try, but in the end you're just gonna lose, big time, because the world is run by the Man. The Man, oh, you don't know the Man. He's everywhere. In the White House... down the hall... Ms. Mullins, she's the Man. And the Man ruined the ozone, he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! And there used to be a way to stick it to the Man. It was called rock 'n roll, but guess what, oh no, the Man ruined that, too, with a little thing called MTV! So don't waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome 'cause the Man is just gonna call you a fat washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just GIVE UP!

Dewey Finn:
Does any one have any food?

Dewey Finn:
No, you're not gonna get in trouble. I'm hungry.

Dewey Finn:
Sell my guitars? Would you tell Piccasso to sell his guitars?

Billy:
Liza Minelli...?

Tomika:
So why don't you go on a diet?

Dewey Finn:
Because I like to eat! Is that such a crime?

Summer Hathaway:
Math is a wonderful thing. Math is a really cool thing. So get off your ath, let's do some math. Math, math, math, math, math. Three minus four is?

Summer Hathaway:
Negative one.

Dewey Finn:
That's right. And six times a billion is?

Marco:
Six billion?

Dewey Finn:
Nailed it. And fifty-four is forty-five more than what is the answer, Marta?

Marta:
Nine.

Dewey Finn:
No, it's eight.

Marta:
No, it's nine.

Dewey Finn:
You're right I was testing you... it's nine. And that's a magic number.

Dewey Finn:
Those that can't do, teach, and those that can't teach... teach gym.

DeweyFinn:
Does anyone have the guts to tell me off? Huh?

Freddy Jones:
Shut the hell up Schneebly.

Dewey Finn:
You don't have to worry about me because I'm a hard-ass. And if a kid gets out of line, I got no problem smacking them in the head.

Rosalie Mullins:
I LOVE THIS SONG!

Dewey Finn:
Really?

Rosalie Mullins:
Yes! Stevie Nicks!

Dewey Finn:
Yeah... Stevie!

Rosalie Mullins:
You know she came to town and she did a concert and she was just so... wild! Oh my gosh! Oh!

Dewey Finn:
Yeah, she put on the best show I've ever seen. And she is so much better live than she is on the album!

Rosalie Mullins:
Yes, oh my gosh! No comparison!

Dewey Finn:
You know, I'd like to take the kids to a concert.

Rosalie Mullins:
Concert?

Dewey Finn:
There is one at the end of the month... but you have a policy about field trips.

Rosalie Mullins:
Would it be... educational?

Dewey Finn:
Would it be educational? It would be VERY educational they play Beethoven and Mozart and stuff.

Rosalie Mullins:
Maybe we can make an exception!

Dewey Finn:
YES!

Rosalie Mullins:

Rosalie Mullins:
Well I went today, maybe I will go again... TOMORROW!

Dewey Finn:
Dude, I service society by rocking, O.K.?

Lawrence:
You're fat, and you have body odor!

Dewey Finn:
Those kids are infected with a very rare disease. It's called "Stickittodamoninosis".

Battle of the Bands director:
Really? I've never heard of a disease like that.

Dewey Finn:
You're lucky. It's Hell.

Dewey Finn:
Katie, what was that thing you were playing today, the big thing?

Katie:
Cello.

Dewey Finn:
Ok. This is a bass guitar. And it's the exact same thing but instead of playing it like this you tip it on the side... cello, you got a bass.

Dewey Finn:
Give me a platform. Let's rock, let's rock, today. Now do it to me.

Lawrence:
Let's rock, let's rock, today.

Dewey Finn:
That's good. Slap it, shoot it, ka-boot it.

Dewey Finn:
You have to use your head and your mind and your brain.

DeweyFinn:
Its gonna be a really tough project, you're gonna have to use your head, your mind and your brain too.

Summer Hathaway:
Groupie?

Dewey Finn:
What's the matter?

Summer Hathaway:
You want me to be a groupie?

Dewey Finn:
Well... a groupie's an important job.

Summer Hathaway:
I researched groupies on the Internet: they're sluts, they sleep with the band!

Dewey Finn:
No, that's not true. They're like cheerleaders.

Dewey Finn:
Who are you babe? This is my apartment babe.

Patty Di Marco:
Oh oh, not if you don't pay your rent, it's not.

Freddy:
Rock isn't about getting an A. Sex Pistols never won anything.

Patty:
He is a lazy freeloader, and it's time for all this dysfunction to stop.

Ned:
Keep it... Can't we just do this later? I mean, you know how he gets in the morning.

Patty:
Ned, aren't you tired of letting people push you around?

Ned:
Yes. [sighs]

Patty:
Then get in there and do it! [Ned refuses, so Patty pulls the curtain aside]

Dewey:
[wakes up] What? What is it?

Ned:
Dewey, hey, it's the first of the month, and, uh, I would like your share of the rent now, please.

Dewey:
Oh, man! You know I don't have it! You wake me up for that? Come on, man! [falls back asleep]

Ned:
Sorry. [Patty glares at him fiercely; more sternly] Dewey! I mean, you owe me a lot of money as it is.

Patty:
Yeah, try $2,200!

Dewey:
Okay, you guys, the band is about to hit it bigtime. We're gonna win Battle of the Bands, and when I'm rolling in the Benjamins, I will throw you and your dog a bone. Good night.

Patty:
Oh, give it up! Your band has never made two cents!

Ned:
Patty, come on! I'm on this!

Patty:
Oh, you're on this? You're on this? He's walking all over you!

Dewey:
Mommy, could we please talk about this later?

Patty:
Uh, no, we can't talk about it later because Ned and I have to go to work. We have jobs. We contribute to society, all right? I am an assistant to the mayor of the city. "Hello?!"

Dewey:
What?! Can you get her out of here, please? Why?! Why her?!

Patty:
And Ned has the most important job there is.

Dewey:
Temping?

Ned:
Dewey, a substitute teacher is not a temp!

Dewey:
He's a babysitter!

Ned:
Oh, yeah, you think it's so easy? Well, I'd like to see you try. You wouldn't last one day.

Dewey:
Dude, I service society by rocking, okay? I'm out there on the front lines liberating people with my music. Rockin' ain't no walk in the park, lady!

Patty:
All right, this is useless, all right? You tell him that if he doesn't come up with the rent by the end of the week, he's out of here!

Ned:
Dewey, I'm not paying your share of the rent, so... I don't know, I mean, maybe you should sell one of your guitars or something.

Dewey:
What? Would you tell Picasso to sell his guitars?

Patty:
Oh, my God, he's an idiot! [leaves]

Dewey:
Dude, I've been mooching off you for years, and it's never been a problem until she showed up. Just dump her, man!

Ned:
Yeah, well, if you don't come up with some money, she's gonna dump me. She's fed up.

Dewey:
Really? Because that would be a good thing! She's a nightmare!

Ned:
Come on! I may never have another girlfriend! I mean, just come on! Come up with some money, please! Please!

Dewey:
Okay, for you. Not for her, man, for you.

Ned:
Thank you.

Dewey:
Hey! What's up? Is that a new song? Who's this guy?

Theo:
Dewey, we're taking the Battle of the Bands seriously this year.

Dewey:
Good, because I need the money. Now, listen. If we're gonna win this thing, we gotta actually start playing some music.

Theo:
I agree. You're fired.

Dewey:
Your lyrics, now, don't take this the wrong way, Theo, are lame. But I've been sitting on some awesome material, so...

Theo:
Dewey, did you hear what I said? We voted. You're out. This is Spider; he's replacing you.

Spider:
What's up, dawg?

Neil:
I was gonna tell you last night, Dewey, but you passed out, man.

Dewey:
Okay, you're gonna kick me out of the band? You're gonna fire me? Well, this is my band. I brought us together.

Neil:
Theo wanted you out. There's nothing I could do.

Theo:
Shut up, man. You voted him out, too. I didn't tell you what to do. Dewey, listen to me. You're a good guitar player, but it's the 20-minute solos, it's the stage dives. We're trying to land a record deal here, man, and you're an embarrassment.

Dewey:
Read between the lines, Theo. Read between the lines!

Neil:
Dewey, man, I hope this doesn't come between us. Like, I care about you, man.

Dewey:
You forgot about one thing. It's called the music. And I don't even care. You know what? So what? I don't wanna hang out with wannabe corporate sellouts. I'm gonna form my own band. We're gonna start a revolution. And you're gonna be a funny little footnote on my epic ass. I feel sorry for you guys.

[Dewey is on the phone, trying to sell one of his guitars]

Dewey:
Uh-huh. Yes. Yeah, it's a 1968 Gibson SG, mint condish. [pause] No. That's all? Well, that's a mistake. No, Hendrix played this guitar. [the person on the other end hangs up] Hello?!

[Dewey hangs up. The phone rings; Dewey answers it]

Dewey:
Yeah?

Mullins:
Is this Mr. Schneebly?

Dewey:
No, he's not here.

Mullins:
Oh, could you take a message for me?

Dewey:
Um... Yeah.

Mullins:
Hi, my name's Rosalie Mullins. I'm the principal here at Horace Green Prep, and we're having a little emergency here; one of our teachers broke her leg on the way to school this morning, and all of our subs are already working. Pat Wickam at Milton Prep recommended I give Mr. Schneebly a call. Do you know if he's available?

Dewey:
Um... How long is the gig?

Mullins:
Excuse me?

Dewey:
Uh, how long is the job?

Mullins:
My guess is as much as a few weeks, but we do need somebody to start immediately.

Dewey:
Mmm-hmm. So how much are we talkin' here?

Mullins:
We pay our substitutes 650 a week. Now, do you know when Mr. Schneebly will be back?

Dewey:
Hold on a sec... Oh, you know what? I think he's just comin' in right about... Ned, phone! [pretends to pass the phone, then speaks in a deep voice] Hello, this is Ned Schneebly.

Mullins:
Mr. Schneebly... This is considered the best elementary school in the state and we maintain that reputation by adhering to a strict code of conduct, faculty included.

Dewey:
You know what? You don't have to worry about me 'cos i'm tough. If a kid gets outta line, I got no problem, smackin' 'em in the head.

Mullins:
No. No, we don't use corporal punishment here.

Dewey:
Okay, so just... verbal abuse?

Dewey:
Okay, yes, you can be in my band, but, Ned, no power plays, man. I've got vision up the butt, so just go with it.

Ned:
[chuckles] No, thanks.

Dewey:
[shows Ned a photo of him in his old band] You're not a teacher, Ned. You're the cross-dressing, blood-sucking incubus from Maggot Death. That's the real you!

Ned:
Dewey, I'm not a sexy satanic god anymore. I'm a working stiff. And that's cool.

Dewey:
She's got you brainwashed, man.

Patty:
Can you see that I'm working?

Dewey:
That's terrific. But who are you, babe? This is my apartment, babe.

Patty:
Oh... Not if you don't pay your rent, it's not. Get a job!

Dewey:
I got a job, okay? I'm gonna have your rent by the end of the week. Go tell the mayor.

Patty:
You got a job. Doing what?

Dewey:
I do what Ned does, I'm temping.

Ned:
I'm not a temp, I'm a sub. And soon I'll be a certified teacher.

Dewey:
Come on, man! One show, $20,000 prize, we split it 60-40, grab your bass, and come back to the garage, brother! I mean, don't you miss rocking out?

Patty:
Dewey, if you think anyone in the right mind is gonna wanna be in a band with you, you're more delusional than I thought.

Ned:
Dewey, you know, maybe it's time to give up those dreams. I did, and things are going really great for me.

[Dewey's lounging at his desk]

Michelle:
Are you going to teach us anything? Or are we just going to sit here?

Dewey:
[mumbles] Just do whatever you want.

Summer:
I want to learn from my teacher.

Dewey:
[loudly] Besides that! Freddy, what do you like to do?

Freddy:
[drawing flames on the name tag on his desk] I dunno... burn stuff?

Dewey:
Now, listen, normal kids would have been stoked to slack off, but not you guys, because you're not normal, you're special. And because I think you guys have the right attitude, I think it's time we started our new class project.

Lawrence:
A science project?

Dewey:
No. It's called... "Rock Band".

Marta:
Is this a school project?

Dewey:
Yes. And it's a requirement. And it may sound easy, but nothing could be harder. It will test your head [points to his head], and your mind [points to his jaw], and your brain too [points to his forehead].

Summer:
Will other schools be competing?

Dewey:
You could say that. You could say that every school in the state will be competing for the top prize.

Billy:
What's the prize?

Dewey:
A win will go on your permanent record. Hello Harvard, Yo?

[Dewey leads the class to his own version of The Pledge of Allegiance]

Dewey:
I pledge allegiance...

Class:
I pledge allegiance...

Dewey:
...to the band...

Class:
...to the band...

Dewey:
...of Mr. Schneebly...

Class:
...of Mr. Schneebly...

Dewey:
...and will not fight him...

Class:
...and will not fight him...

Dewey:
...for creative control...

Class:
...for creative control...

Dewey:
...and will defer to him on all issues related to the musical direction of the band. [class mumbles incoherently] LET'S GET ROCKIN'!!!! [class cheers]

Dewey:
Mornin', Summer.

Summer:
Groupie?

Dewey:
What's the matter?

Summer:
You want me to be a groupie?

Dewey:
Well, groupie is an important job.

Summer:
I researched groupies on the Internet. and they do stuff, weird stuff with the band!

Dewey:
No, that's not true! They're like cheerleaders.

Summer:
I don't want to be a cheerleader. Look, my mother's a room parent, and she's not gonna be happy when she hears about this.

Dewey:
Okay, I didn't want to say this to you in front of the other kids 'cause I didn't want to make 'em jealous, but I made a special position just for you. And it's the most important job of all: band manager.

Summer:
Band manager?

Dewey:
Oh, yeah.

Summer:
What's that?

Dewey:
Well, I'm gonna be busy rocking out, so it's up to you to make sure everyone is doing their job. Summer, you're in charge of everything.

Summer:
Okay.

Freddy:
What are we gonna play?

Dewey:
Uh, you don't have to worry about that. We have awesome material, which I wrote.

Zack:
Let's hear it.

Dewey:
What?

Zack:
Let's hear your song.

Dewey:
I'll play you my song, if you wanna hear it. Thing is, I just want you to keep in mind that...I wrote it in like, 15 minutes, and uh, it's not done yet, and you might not like it-

Freddy:
Just play the song, Schneebly!

Dewey:
Okay! I will sing it for you, just, uh, let me get in the zone, I wasn't planning on unveiling it, but I will sing it. Teeth of the tongue, and the lips. [performs vocal exercise] Okay, it starts off...a dark stage, and then a beam of light. and then you can see me and my guitar. [imitating his guitar] Dew-neew-dew-neew... " In the end of time, there was a man who knew the road, and the writing was written on the stone." And then a thin layer of fog comes in around my ankles. Roadies, that means dry ice, we're gonna talk about this later. "In the ancient time, an artist led the way, but no-one seemed to understand." Chimes, Freddy. "In his heart he knew, the artist must be true, and the legend of the rent was way past due!" And, Katie, you come in with the bass! [imitating the bass] Rim-bim-bim-bim-bim-beru-beru-bum-bara-bara-bara-bum-bum-bum! "Well, you think you'll be just fine without me, but you're mine! You think that you can kick me out of the band?" And then, Zack, you come in with a face-melter. [imitates the guitar] Rew-new-new-didli-new-didli-new-didli-new! Okay? "Well, there's just one problem there, the band is MINE! How can you kick me out [high pitched] of what is mine?" And then, sh- "Hawaii Five-O". You see that show? Okay. Well, there's a drum solo in it, that goes...shugadugadugaduga! "You're not hardcore, unless you live hardcore" And then, that's where I want the backup singers to be all like, "No, you're not hardcore. [high pitched] No, you're not hardcore! [reverts to normal singing voice] Unless you live hardcore. [imitating backup singers] Unless you live hardcore! [back to his own voice] But the legend of the rent, was way hardcore! BOOM! Big old explosion, some, like, confetti comes down. Anyway, that's all I got so far, it's a work in progress.

Summer:
I liked it, Mr. Schneebly. I thought it was really catchy.

Dewey:
Thank you.

Michelle:
Mr. S? We came up with some names for the band.

Dewey:
Yeah? Hit me.

Eleni:
The Bumblebees?

Dewey:
No, it's sissy.

Eleni:
The Koala Bears?

Dewey:
No! What are you talkin' about? It's too sissy!

Gabe:
We were just discussing testing. Which test do you find most effective, the TAAS or the Wilson-Binet?

Dewey:
I say no testing, and I will tell you why, Joe.

Gabe:
Gabe.

Dewey:
Gabe. I believe... that the children are the future. Now listen, you can teach them well, but buddy, you have got to let them lead the way. Let the children's laughter...just remind us of how we used to be. That's what I decided long ago.

Bob:
[realizes what Dewey just said are some of the lyrics to the song "The Greatest Love of All"] Isn't that a song?

Dewey:
No, uh, I don't think so. No, no it isn't.

Bob:
No? Are you sure?

Dewey:
Mmm-mmm.

Dewey:
Look, the first thing you do when you start a rock band is talk about your influences. That's how you figure out what kind of band to be. So who do you like? Blondie?

Marta:
Christina Aguilera.

Dewey:
Who? No! Come on. What? You, Shortstop.

Leonard:
Puff Daddy.

Dewey:
Wrong. Billy?

Billy:
Liza Minnelli?

Dewey:
What are you...? You guys! This project is called "Rock Band". I'm talking about bands that rock. Led Zeppelin. [the class gives him blank stares] Don't tell me you guys have never got the Led out. Jimmy Page, Robert Plant? Ring any bells? What about Sabbath? AC/DC? Motörhead? Oh, what do they teach in this place?!

Dewey:
If you wanna rock, you gotta break the rules. You gotta get mad at The Man, and right now I'm The Man. That's right, I'm The Man, and who's got the guts to tell me off? Huh? Who's gonna tell me off?

Freddy:
Shut up, Schneebly!

Dewey:
That's it, Freddy. That's it! Who can top him?

Alicia:
Get outta here, stupid.

Dewey:
Yes, Alicia.

Summer:
You're a joke. You're the worst teacher I've ever had.

Dewey:
Summer, that is great. I like the delivery because I felt your anger.

Summer:
Thank you.

Lawrence:
You're a fat loser, and you have body odor.

Dewey:
All right. All right! Now is everyone nice and ticked off?

Class:
Yeah!

Dewey:
Good! Time to write a rock song! Now what makes you mad more than anything in the world? Billy?

Billy:
You.

Dewey:
Billy, we've already told me off. Let's move on.

Billy:
You're tacky and I hate you.

Dewey:
Okay, you see me after class.

Freddy:
I'm just saying, name two great chick drummers.

Katie:
Sheila E? Meg White from The White Stripes?

Freddy:
She can't drum!

Katie:
She's a better drummer than you. At least she has rhythm.

Mullins:
Freddy, where are your sleeves? And what have you done to your hair?

Freddy:
It's called punk.

Mullins:
Well, it's not school uniform. [pulls Freddy's sleeves back down]

Frankie:
Miss Mullins, you're The Man.

Mullins:
Thank you, Frankie.

[Frankie and some of the other students giggle behind her back.]

Tomika:
Mr. S, I don't think I can sing.

Dewey:
What're you talkin' about? C'mere.

Dewey:
Listen, Tomika, what's going on? What do you mean, you can't sing?

Tomika:
I don't feel good. I feel sick. Just let Alicia and Marta do it.

Dewey:
No! They can't sing like you can, I need you in the chorus! What is it, are you nervous?

[Tomika nods]

Dewey:
Yeah? Why? What are you afraid of?

Tomika:
They're gonna laugh at me.

Dewey:
What? Why would they laugh at you?

Tomika:
I dunno. 'Cause I'm fat?

Dewey:
Tomika... Hey, you've got something everybody wants: You've got talent, girl! You have an incredible singing voice, and I'm not just saying that. You've heard of Aretha Franklin, right? Okay, she's a big lady. But when she starts singing, she blows people's minds! Everybody wants to party with Aretha! And, uh, you know who else has a weight issue?

Tomika:
Who?

Dewey:
Me. But once I get up on stage and start rockin', people worship me! Because I'm sexy! And chubby, man.

Tomika:
Why aren't you on a diet?

Dewey:
Because I like to eat. Is that such a crime? Look, you know what? That's not even the point. The thing is, you're a rock star now. All you gotta do is just go out there and rock your heart out. People are gonna dig you, I swear. Let's go out there and show 'em what we got, what do you say?

Dewey:
OK, we are good to go.

Summer:
No, we're not. Freddy took off.

Dewey:
What? Where?

Summer:
Some guys invited him out to their van.

Dewey:
WHAT?! Come on, you guys!

Dewey:
I totally screwed up. I told the kids that if they practiced, they'd get into the Battle of the Bands.

Coordinator:
What'd you tell them that for?

Dewey:
I don't know, I just...I wanted to give them something to look forward to, to keep their spirits up. Look at them. [he and the Coordinator look at the kids, who are faking sick] They're terminal. Every last one of them. And all they wanted to do before they bit the dust was play Battle of the Bands.

Coordinator:
What do they all have?

Dewey:
It’s a... rare blood disease. "Stick-it-to-da-man-neosis."

Coordinator:
What's that? I've never heard of it.

Dewey:
You're lucky. Because it's hell.

[Summer's plan to lie to the judges about a fatal disease has gotten the kids into the Battle of the Bands]

Dewey:
Summer, you get an A+ and fifty gold stars!

Summer:
[smiles] I didn't do it for the grade.

Mullins:
In your experience, how does Horace Green compare to the other schools that you’ve taught at?

Dewey:
Oh, your school is the best.

Mullins:
You're just saying that.

Dewey:
I'm not. Do you know that kids at other schools just have fun all the time? They're running around. There's no discipline. They're happy. It's anarchy. This is the best school I have ever teached at. I swear.

Mullins:
[about the teachers] They hate me.

Dewey:
No, they don't.

Mullins:
Yes, they do, I can see. I wasn't always like this, you know, I wasn't always wound this tight. There was a time where I was fun. I was funny! I was. But you can't be funny and be the principal of a prep school! No, you cannot. Because when it comes to their kids, these parents have no sense of humor. No. And if something goes wrong its my head in the smasher. And these parents will come down on me like a nuclear bomb! I can't make a mistake! I gotta be perfect! And that pressure has turned me into something that I never wanted to be...! [mouths "a b*tch"]

Dewey:
No, you're not.

Mullins:
Yes, I am. I am a big one!