Sesame Street Presents: Follow that Bird

Madame Magistrate:
Your Attention, Please. [Pounds Gavel] Attention. Attention, please.

Leo Birdelli:
Featherbeds Are Down. I Can't Believe It.

Madame Magistrate:
Attention. Attention, Please. [Pounds Gavel] Attention! This Meeting Of The Feathered Friends Will Now Come To Order. Now, I Need Not Remind You Of Our Purpose.

Feathered Friends Turkey:
Remind Me!

Feathered Friend's Magistrate:
Now, here today, we have a sad, sad case that needs our urgent attention. He's only six years old, and he lives all alone, with no other birds around.

Feathered Friends Turkey:
He looks so sad.

Feathered Friends Owl:
That's funny. He looks happy to me.

Feathered Friend's Magistrate:
[surprised] Of course he's not happy! How can you say that?

[the board members begin arguing around the table]

Miss Finch:
Madame Chairbird!

Feathered Friend's Magistrate:
Miss Finch?

Miss Finch:
[clearing throat] We all know he can't be happy. He needs to be with his own kind, with a bird family.

Feathered Friend's Magistrate:
True, very true.

Miss Finch:
And I know just the family. Where does he live?

Feathered Friend's Magistrate:
Sesame Street.

Miss Finch:
Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?

Oscar the Grouch:
[singing] Let this be the Grouch's cause! Point out everybody's flaws! Something is wrong with everything, except the way I sing!

Miss Finch:
You know, Big, you shouldn't be living here all alone.

Big Bird:
Well, I'm not all alone. Why, there's Gordon and Susan and...

Miss Finch:
But they're not birds like we are.

Big Bird:
I know, but they're nice people.

Miss Finch:
But you should have a home and a family.

Big Bird:
Well, I am home. I like it here on Sesame Street.

Miss Finch:
Wouldn't you like to be with your own kind? Wouldn't you like to live in a big, beautiful bird house with a nice bird family of your own? And a brother bird, and a sister bird, and a father bird, and a mother bird? And sing and play bird games all day long? Wouldn't you? Wouldn't you?

[Big Bird begins imagining life with a bird family]

Big Bird:
Gee, I think I'd like that!

Miss Finch:
Good! Because in a lovely city called Ocean View, Ilinois, there's a fine feathered family waiting just for you!

Big Bird:
Really? Oh, when can I leave?

Mr. Snuffleupagus:
Oh, Bird, this is goodbye. You're leaving Sesame Street.

Big Bird:
Well, I'm not really leaving. I'm just going away.

Mr. Snuffleupagus:
Oh.

Big Bird:
Besides, as soon as I get to Ocean View, you can come and visit.

Mr. Snuffleupagus:
I can?

Big Bird:
First thing, old' pal. I wouldn't go if you couldn't come and visit.

Miss Finch:
Come on, Big Bird, you don't want to miss your plane.

Maria:
Just a minute. Give me a big hug, Big Bird.

[they embrace]

Maria:
Don't forget to write.

Big Bird:
I won't, Maria.

Count:
Don't forget to count, Big Bird!

Big Bird:
Okay, Count.

Bob:
And don't forget to dress warmly, okay, Big Bird?

Big Bird:
I've got my muffler, Bob.

Grover:
Don't forget to breathe! In and out!

Big Bird:
I always do, Grover.

[Linda signs something to Big Bird]

Big Bird:
I'll read every day.

Cookie Monster:
Don't forget to eat, Big Bird!

Big Bird:
I won't, Cookie Monster.

[Oscar comes slowly out of his trash can]

Big Bird:
Well, goodbye, Oscar.

Oscar the Grouch:
[surprised] What? Why, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

Daddy Dodo:
Excuse me, was there a big yellow bird on this plane?

Big Bird:
Well, only me.

Mommy Dodo:
[not catching on] Oh, too bad. Maybe he'll be on the next plane.

Maria:
[reading a letter from Big Bird to Sesame Street]... So that's my new home. I should be happy here. [pause] What's wrong with me? [then, with great surprise] Love, Big Dodo? [everyone begins whispering amongst themselves] [finishing the letter] Big Bird to you.

Big Bird:
Hey, I've got a great idea. Let's play make-believe. I'll be Snow White.

Donnie Dodo:
But you're not Snow White.

Marie Dodo:
You're bright yellow.

Donnie Dodo:
Yeah.

Big Bird:
[not choosing to notice this remark] And you could be the Seven Dwarves.

Donnie Dodo:
But we're not dwarves.

Marie Dodo:
We're birds.

Big Bird:
I said we just could make believe. You know, pretend? Uh, use your imagination.

Donnie Dodo:
Oh, okay. I'll pretend I'm Donnie.

Marie Dodo:
And I'll pretend I'm Marie.

[Big Bird sighs with disgust]

Daddy Dodo:
Who's Mr. Sniffuplaga

[struggles with the name]

Daddy Dodo:
Sniffleblguh

Big Bird:
Uh, Snuffleupagus.

Daddy Dodo:
Yeah.

Big Bird:
Well, he's my best friend.

Mommy Dodo:
What kind of a bird is he?

Big Bird:
He's not a bird. He's a Snuffleupagus.

[the Dodos laugh]

Daddy Dodo:
But your best friend should be a bird.

Big Bird:
Why?

Mommy Dodo:
Because you're a bird. Isn't that right, Daddy?

Daddy Dodo:
That's right, Mommy. And you should be with your own kind: birds.

Mommy Dodo:
You'll find lots of birds your own age.

Daddy Dodo:
And make some new best friends. Now come on out and hunt for worms.

Big Bird:
But I don't want to hunt worms. I want Snuffy to come and visit. And if he can't come and visit, I don't want to be here anymore. I want to go home!

Mommy Dodo:
But you are home!

Newscaster:
This news just in, concerning a 6-year-old runaway. The runaway is an eight-foot yellow bird who answers to the name Big Bird.

Grover:
Did you say Big Bird?

Newscaster:
That's right, Big Bird. He left his nest in Ocean View, Illinois last night, and is reportedly heading east for a place called Sesaim Street.

Grover:
Sesaim Street?

Newscaster:
[after hearing corrections from someone off-camera] Sesame Street. Sorry.

Grover:
Oh!

Newscaster:
Here now with the report is our correspondent, Kermit the Frog.

Kermit the Frog:
[to someone else] Okay. Here's one. Why does the chicken NOT cross the road? 'Cause it's chicken. Get it?

[he laughs, then turns to the camera, as he's on]

Kermit the Frog:
Oh, hi-ho! Kermit the Frog here in Ocean View, Illinois, with the thank-you note Big Bird left saying he was running back to Sesame Street. The note reads: "Dear Dodos, you are a very nice family. Thanks for everything, but I'm walking back to Sesame Street. I should be there in three hours, since it took two hours to fly here. So if anyone calls, you know where to reach me. Love, Big Bird." And here is the family that he left, the Dodos.

Daddy Dodo:
Oh, are we on television?

Kermit the Frog:
Um, yes, you are.

Mommy Dodo:
Let's go inside and watch!

Kermit the Frog:
Uh, now who'd run away from a family like that?

Gordon:
Okay. Let's... Follow that Bird!

Bert:
Whattaya see, Ernie?

Ernie:
[points his binoculars at Bert's nose] Your nose, Bert

[he laughs]

Bert:
Ernie! Get serious, will ya? We're supposed to be looking for Big Bird.

Ernie:
Right!

Kermit the Frog:
You think maybe he didn't like it here or something?

Miss Finch:
Impossible!

Kermit the Frog:
Well, what are you going to do about it, Miss Finch?

Miss Finch:
I'm going to find Big Bird, wherever he is, and bring him back to the Dodos.

Big Bird:
[to a truck of turkeys] Hey, fellas, can you give me a lift? Talk to who? [turns to see a man loading another crate of turkeys into the truck] Oh, say, you must be the driver.

Truck Driver:
Well, what can I do for you, big fella?

Big Bird:
Well, do you have room for just one more?

Truck Driver:
I don't take no riders. This here's a turkey truck.

Big Bird:
Oh well. [Then a thought hits him] But my friend Oscar always says that I'm a big turkey!

Truck Driver:
Well, I don't guess I can argue with that. Hop in.

Truck Driver:
So you are the bird on the run.

Big Bird:
Oh, yeah, and I can't wait to get back to my real home on Sesame Street. I figure I can walk back there in, oh, about three hours.

Truck Driver:
Three hours? [shakes his head] More like three weeks, buddy.

Big Bird:
Three weeks? Oh, no. I'll never get home!

Truck Driver:
Sure, you will. You've just got to keep going. Pick up your feet and follow your beak.

Sam Sleaze:
That eight-foot bird is still on the lam. You know, Sid, people would pay money to see that bird.

Sid Sleaze:
Nah, I wouldn't pay to see no bird.

Sam Sleaze:
No, no, no. People would pay us to see that bird! Us, us, us!

Floyd:
You're the biggest chicken I've ever seen.

Big Bird:
Oh, I'm not a chicken actually. I'm a bird on the run.

Ruthie:
Oh yeah. Floyd, he's the bird on TV who ran away.

Big Bird:
Oh, I didn't run away. I'm going back to my real home on Sesame Street where I belong. [yawns]

Ruthie:
Are you tired?

Big Bird:
Well, maybe a little. I sure wish I had a place to sleep.

Ruthie:
Have you ever slept in a barn?

Big Bird:
[looking toward the barn] Hmm.

Big Bird:
Gee. There's still no sign of Sesame Street. Nothing but amber waves of grain. I think I'm lost. What'll I do? I wish Snuffy were here. Then I'd be lost with my best friend.

[at that moment, a mirage-like image of Snuffy appears in the field]

Mr. Snuffleupagus:
Hello, Bird.

Big Bird:
Snuffy? I thought I'd never see you again! I can hardly see you now.

Mr. Snuffleupagus:
That is because you are imagining me, Bird.

Big Bird:
Oh. Well, it's so good to almost see you. I suppose a hug is out of the question, you being imaginary right now.

Mr. Snuffleupagus:
You could imagine that we're hugging, Bird.

Big Bird:
That's right. How brilliant. Here it comes.

[Big Bird and Snuffleupagus try to hug, but keep passing through each other]

Big Bird:
Oh, I'm afraid this isn't working, Snuffy. For hugging, you need the real thing.

Mr. Snuffleupagus:
Don't worry, Bird. We can hug for real when you get back to Sesame Street.

Big Bird:
''If'' I ever get back to Sesame Street. But I will.

Sam Sleaze:
[shouting] How could you miss him? He's eight feet tall!

Sid Sleaze:
[shouting] You were going too fast!

Sam Sleaze:
[whispering] Sid, don't shout at me.

Sid Sleaze:
[whispering] You were going too fast.

Sam Sleaze:
Let's not get mad. We'll just start all over.

Sam Sleaze:
[shouting] Now let's get going!

Oscar the Grouch:
[driving into a junkyard] This is where I wanna be - grouch paradise! Just look it at. It's like a work of art.

Telly Monster:
It is different, Maria.

Maria:
Oscar, I want you to turn this car around right now and head for Toadstool!

Oscar the Grouch:
Ah, an angry face in a beautiful place - heaven.

Big Bird:
Say, there's a lady named Miss Finch who's chasing me and, uh, do you mind if I hide in your fun fair?

Sam Sleaze:
Why, no, not at all. We have the perfect place for you to hide. Right here in our hiding cage.

[Locks him up]

Sam Sleaze:
You'll be safe here.

Sid Sleaze:
Yeah, real safe.

Big Bird:
Gee, thanks.

[Sam and Sid laugh]

Sam Sleaze:
Let's go!

Big Bird:
Ha, ha, ha! Oh, gee, I sure am a lucky bird.

Big Bird:
[voiceover] "Sesame Street" is brought to you today by the letters W and B.

Count:
One! One Joan Ganz Cooney! Hi, Mom!

State Trooper:
[Picks up the kid that got his apple stolen by Sam Sleaze] Are these the two men?

[the kid nods his head]

Sam Sleaze:
What seems to be the problem, officer? What's the charge?

State Trooper:
[looks through his notebook] What about counterfeiting, extortion, fraud, impersonating a dentist, stealing an apple from a kid?

Sam Sleaze:
Oh, about that apple, officer, I can explain that. We was just holding it for a friend.

Sid Sleaze:
Yeah, for a friend.

State Trooper:
You can tell that to the judge.

Sid Sleaze:
[sobbing] The judge, Sam!

State Trooper:
Be a man.

Sid Sleaze:
But I don't wanna be a man, Sam!

Sam Sleaze:
Shut up, Sid! Shut up!

Sid Sleaze:
[sobbing] The judge, Sam! Jail!

[first lines]

Announcer:
Ladies and gentlemen, would you please rise for the Grouch Anthem.

Oscar the Grouch:
No, no, no! With the Grouch Anthem, you stay sitting down! Down in front there!

Oscar the Grouch:
[after the Grouch Anthem] Well, anyway, you've seen the best part of this movie, so sit back, relax, and have a rotten time!

Oscar the Grouch:
Nice work, turkey!

Miss Finch:
Are you all right, Big? You are Big Bird?

Big Bird:
[looking himself over] Yeah, I guess I am.

Miss Finch:
[facing the camera] This is worse than I thought!

Big Bird:
Isn't flying wonderful? It makes me feel like a bird.

Bert:
Ernie, I see him!

Ernie:
See who, Bert?

Bert:
See that yellow spot down there? It's Big Bird!

Ernie:
Oh, yeah. That sure looks like a yellow spot, all right.

Grover:
[lands in Susan and Gordon's car] This is not Big Bird! You are imposters!

Gordon:
[Notices Cookie Monster is still consuming the Volkswagen Beetle] Cookie, haven't you had enough?

Cookie Monster:
But Gordon, me growing monster!

Ruthie:
[ Shocked to see that there's nothing left of her car] Gordon! What on earth happened to the car?

Gordon:
Don't ask me.

Gordon:
[Points to Cookie Monster] Ask him.

Cookie Monster:
[Looks up at Ruthie] Hi.

Cookie Monster:
[Belches] Oh, excuse me.

Ruthie:
The insurance man isn't going to believe this.

Count:
[last lines]

Count:
[at the very end] That's 278 incredible, colossal credits! Ha-ha, I love motion pictures! Wonderful! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Bob:
[over phone] He's at some kind of carnival.

Maria:
At a carnival?

Olivia:
That fun fair!

Linda:
[signs something]

Olivia:
We passed that hours ago!

Maria:
That's what she just said!

Susan:
Come on!

Maria:
Bye, Bob! [hangs up and she, Linda and Susan rushes to their car except Telly]

Telly:
How we gonna get him, if he's locked in a cage?

Maria:
Come on, Telly!

Telly:
Whaaa! [Maria grabs his hand and pulls him with her]

Gordon:
Bye bye! Cookie, will you stop eating the hubcaps?

Cookie Monster [eating hubcaps] :
Oh, me thing they do delicious, me so hungry!

Olivia:
But Cook, we haven't even started on our trip yet.

Cookie Monster:
That's okay. Me eat three other hubcaps later.

Gordon:
Cookie!

Grouch patron #1:
Hey, waitress! There's no fly in my soup!

Don't Drop Inn waitress:
It's comin'!

Grouch patron #2:
Hey, I need a glass!

Don't Drop Inn waitress:
Broken or dirty?

Grouch patron #3:
Waitress!

Don't Drop Inn waitress:
It's about time.

Don't Drop Inn chef:
[holding out a disgusting cake] This is my masterpiece.

Don't Drop Inn waitress:
[taking it] Beautiful! Just beautiful. Never looks any better than this.

[The waitress takes a bottle of syrup from a nearby table]

Grouch patron #4:
Hey, gimme that syrup back!

Don't Drop Inn waitress:
Get lost!

Maria:
Good! I'll have the tossed salad.

Oscar the Grouch:
Hey, better make that two.

Don't Drop Inn waitress:
Two tossed salads!

[A bowlful of salad is launched directly at Maria]

Don't Drop Inn chef:
Number two, comin' right up! [dumps another large spoonful of salad into his catapult. His assistant launches the salad again, but this time, it lands on the waitress]

[at the gas station after everyone has met up again]

Olivia:
Hey, Count, baby, what's happenin'? [gives the Count a high-five]

Count:
Five, jive!

[Maria is in the phone booth talking to Bob]

Maria:
Hi, Bob. No news about Big Bird, I suppose.

Bob:
Yeah, we've located him.

Maria:
[shocked] WHAT?! [Susan and Linda rushes toward her in shock]

Bob:
He's right nearby, locked in a cage.

Maria:
He's locked in a cage?

Bob:
The kids saw him. He's blue.

Maria:
He's blue!

Susan:
He's blue?

Bob:
In some kind of carnival. The kids said.

Maria:
At a carnival?

Bob:
Right, Maria.

Susan:
That funfair! [Linda points at her watch] We passed that hours ago.

Maria:
That's what she said.

Susan:
Come on!

Maria:
Bye, Bob! [hangs up and she, Linda and Susan rushes to their car except Telly]

Telly:
How we gonna get him, if he's locked in a cage?

Maria:
Come on, Telly!

Telly:
Whaaa! [Maria grabs his hand and pulls him with her]

[After Grover accidentally wakes up The Sleaze Brothers who drives off with Big Bird in tow, attempting to escape from his friends as they were about to open the cage]

Big Bird:
MARIA!

Olivia:
Big Bird!

Count Von Count:
Big Bird!

Olivia:
Oh,no! What we are gonna do? [to Gordon] Gordon, they're getting away!

Gordon:
[Linda hands the cage keys to Gordon] We gonna catch that truck! Come, Olivia let's go!

Maria:
Telly! You wake up Oscar! [Olivia and Gordon dashes toward to the Volkswagen] Telly!

Telly:
Right, Maria! Oh, no! [dashes toward to Oscar]

Big Bird:
Let me outta here! HELP!

Gordon:
Wait a minute!

Olivia:
What?

Gordon:
[throws the keys for the Volkswagen] Sis, you drive.

Olivia:
Why me? [catches the keys]

Gordon:
I got an idea.

Big Bird:
Gordon! Olivia! Linda, help!

Gordon:
[He and Olivia hop on the car] Okay, let's follow that bird. [Olivia starts the car and drives after the Sleaze Brothers]

Telly:
[trying to wake a sleeping Oscar] Oscar! Oscar! Oscar, wake up! Come on, Oscar wake up!

Big Bird:
And then suddenly, I looked up and I saw... [Miss Finch suddenly arrives having followed him and the others from Toadstool] ...saw... ...MISS FINCH?!

Miss Finch:
Hello, Bird. Perhaps the Dodos weren't perfect for you, but I have managed to find you another lovely bird family.

Maria:
But he doesn't need another bird family.

[last lines]

Count:
[at the end of the closing credits] That is 278 incredible, colossal credits! Ha-ha, I love motion pictures! Wonderful! [a thunderclap is heard] Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!