Seven Days

Kid:
Hey! My car!

Lt. Frank Parker:
Don't worry, I'll mail it back to you.

Lt. Frank Parker:
Someday I'm gonna form a chrononauts' union.

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
You're a very good dancer.

Lt. Frank Parker:
Really?

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
No.

Lt. Frank Parker:
Saturday's my one free day.

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
And Sundays?

Lt. Frank Parker:
Hangover day. Doesn't count.

[3rd season title sequence]

Lt. Frank Parker:
Ever wish you could live your last week over again? Well, my name's Frank B. Parker and I get to all the time. I work for a secret government project experimenting in time travel. When things really get messed up, I'm the guinea pig they send back to fix everything. Catch is, I can only go back seven days.

Lt. Frank Parker:
Once you backstep, you can't go back.

[repeated line]

Dr. John Ballard:
That's our boy.

Lt. Frank Parker:
Curiosity didn't kill the cat - hesitation did.

Lt. Frank Parker:
[on phone, trying to stop a flight doomed to crash] Yeah, a bomb, a big one! How do I know? 'Cos I'm the one that put it there! 'Cos I'm a mean, bad-ass bomber, that's why! Listen, I've been sucking in jet fumes for 17 years, you know what that does to a person? Well you're about to find out!" [hangs up, grinning] "That was a lot more fun than it should've been.

[Olga and Parker are climbing up a long ladder underground]

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
Maybe this isn't the best time to say it, but I'm afraid of heights.

Lt. Frank Parker:
We're underground, think about that.

Lt. Frank Parker:
I fly the needles as well as they're designed! Better!

Nathan Ramsey:
Then how come your record for perfect lands are exactly zero?

Lt. Frank Parker:
[gestures to the sphere] Because sometimes Lulu's got a mind of her own.

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
Lulu?

Lt. Frank Parker:
It's a private thing...

Nathan Ramsey:
Well, that figures, Parker. Can't make either one of your girlfriends do what you want.

Patricia Parker:
Damn you Parker! Everywhere you go things turn to crap!

Jimmy Parker:
I don't think mommy likes you, Dad.

Capt. Craig Donovan:
Frank?

Lt. Frank Parker:
Right... uh...

Nathan Ramsey:
Get on with it, Parker, or I'm outta here.

Lt. Frank Parker:
Nate...

[mumbles]

Lt. Frank Parker:
I'm very... sorry.

Nathan Ramsey:
You know, I don't think I heard that. My ears are getting bad cause I'm getting old, what did you say?

Lt. Frank Parker:
[mumbles a little louder] I'm sorry.

Nathan Ramsey:
What did you say?

Lt. Frank Parker:
[shouts] I'm sorry!... I'm sorry I broke your nose.

Nathan Ramsey:
Did that sound sincere to you?

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
Good for me.

Capt. Craig Donovan:
Yeah, sounded great to me.

Nathan Ramsey:
Let's get a polygraph down here, I wanna know if he means it!

Lt. Frank Parker:
Damnit Vukavitch, I bust my butt flying that sphere to hell and back and you won't do this one little thing for me?

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
No.

Lt. Frank Parker:
I quit. That's it. No more time jumps for this little duck.

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
Good.

Lt. Frank Parker:
Did I ever tell you how attractive you are when you turn me down?

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
Yes. The answer is still "no".

Lt. Frank Parker:
[turns to Ballard] Real proud of you, big guy!

Dr. John Ballard:
I'm not loaning you money, either.

[Parker has just Backstepped into space near the Global Space Station and made the Conundrum call]

Dr. Bradley Talmadge:
Where are you Conundrum?

Lt. Frank Parker:
Well, I'm not in Kansas anymore.

[on Parker]

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
He changes things all the time through Backstepping. Fixes things. But he can never just do it for himself, its never just for him.

Capt. Craig Donovan:
Makes you wonder why he sticks his neck out time and time again, doesn't it?

Dr. Isaac Mentnor:
I've been accused of loving that sphere too much. It's my baby. But Frank is its heart.

[Flashback to where Parker and Donovan met]

Lt. Frank Parker:
Now that we're stuck together, will you just shut up and let me get on with this?

Capt. Craig Donovan:
You know you got that rep all through special ops, man.

Lt. Frank Parker:
What, being a stud?

Donovan:
So, you're from Philly, huh?

Lt. Frank Parker:
Suddenly it's social hour.

Donovan:
I figure I'd get to know the man I'm about to die with.

[searching for the Sphere, which is buried somewhere in a mineshaft]

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
Theoretically, the sphere ran out of oxygen an hour ago.

Capt. Craig Donovan:
Yeah, well, theoretically, you can't jump back in time.

[a Nuclear war just broke out, causing alarms throughout Never-Never-Land to go off]

Lt. Frank Parker:
What is this, the end of the world?

Dr. John Ballard:
Uh, quite possibly.

Lt. Frank Parker:
What if I say... The 'M' Word!

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
What 'M' word?

Lt. Frank Parker:
Marriage, baby.

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
You want to marry me?

Lt. Frank Parker:
Yeah, I do!

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
Okay, say I say 'yes'. You want a long engagement, with congugal relations of course, then you'll find some excuse to change your mind.

Lt. Frank Parker:
No way, I'll marry you as fast as we can get our blood tests. You name the day, I'll book the chapel.

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
I'll check my calendar.

Lt. Frank Parker:
You do that.

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
I will.

Lt. Frank Parker:
Good.

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
Fine.

Lt. Frank Parker:
Hey Ramsey, the AmeriBomber is a long lost relative of yours.

Nathan Ramsey:
Oh, very funny. How's your Uncle Hussein?

Lt. Frank Parker:
Listen you freakin' morons, Nathan Ramsey is so patriotic he makes Newt Gingrich look like Karl Marx.

[Ramsey throws a USA Today newspaper onto the briefing table which has detailed information on Project Backstep]

Nathan Ramsey:
Great, now even the commies know about Backstep!

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
They even have photographs.

Lt. Frank Parker:
You never take a bad one, do you?

Lt. Frank Parker:
Look, Dr. Zhivago, you look like a sensible guy, so let's just bottom-line this thing. We got a groom who's chasing every skirt on the continent, the uncle of the bride shoving her down the aisle to pay for his electric bill, a bride that's only going along because she thinks that's what good little princesses do, a room full of guests who only care about the free food, and an ex-mental patient with an Uzi in his hand and a trigger finger that's starting to get itchy. So what do you say we all just pack up our samosas and go home, huh?

Lt. Frank Parker:
80,000 Francs? That's a bargain. I'll take it.

Nathan Ramsey:
[over an open phone line] "Take it"? Take what? Parker, if your pissing away Uncle Sam's money again...

Lt. Frank Parker:
And, uh... Throw in a couple of those cufflinks, you know the platinum jobs with the diamonds.

Nathan Ramsey:
No diamonds! We don't pay for diamonds. Fake diamonds! Parker! Pick up the phone! Parker! Answer me! I'll rip your f... [Parker hangs up]

[Parker is requesting time off]

Lt. Frank Parker:
I'd be on beeper the whole time. A plane crashes, Disneyland gets bombed, the leaning tower falls on its ass, I'll be here with bells on.

Carole:
[referring to Frank Parker] That's not a bear.

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
No! It's a SKUNK!

[Frank has been reported as an escaped mental patient; a shaky security guard has him at gunpoint]

Rent-A-Cop:
Just how crazy are you? [Frank reaches out and takes his gun away]

Dr. Bradley Talmadge:
We're going to undo that event.

Lt. Frank Parker:
The difficult we do immediately, the impossible just takes a little longer.

Lt. Frank Parker:
[answering the phone] Stalag 13, Hogan speaking.

Lt. Frank Parker:
Listen up, Sunshine. If you make a move against Teo or his family, I'll make sure the FBI, NSA, IRS and every other three-letter organization I can think of will be all over you like really cheap suits.

Dr. Bradley Talmadge:
[Ramsey is about to be arrested by the FBI] Director Shane and I will be having a little a little discussion, before you take my chief security officer anywhere.

FBI Lead Agent:
You're making a big mistake.

Dr. Bradley Talmadge:
I'm a big man...

Lt. Frank Parker:
[Ramsey is briefing the team on global hot-spots and when Olga spills coffee on him] Check it out, a new global hot-spot.

Capt. Craig Donovan:
Oh, baby, I hope we don't get sent into that region.

Nathan Ramsey:
This is not funny!

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
Hooter, please, we need to Backstep right now.

Andrew 'Hooter' Owsley:
You don't understand! Our technology caused this disaster; that's why we're being punished. We're all ass monkeys!

Lt. Frank Parker:
Bradley, listen: that nuclear weapons test Mentnor's at, last timeline went south; wiped out every living thing on the planet.

Dr. Bradley Talmadge:
Everything? [shocked]

Lt. Frank Parker:
Well, the roaches and Ramsey were okay, but look, you got to tell those idiots to stop jacking around with stuff they don't understand, okay?

Nathan Ramsey:
Oh, he say's he's from the future. Knows everything about us.

Dr. Bradley Talmadge:
If all you say is true, the knowledge you hold could be an incredible asset to us.

Nathan Ramsey:
Oh, and not to mention every branch of government, say, take the military for example.

Josef Vukovitch:
Be very careful what you ask of me, gentlemen. Do you really wish to open Pandora's Box?

Nathan Ramsey:
Well, ah, speaking strictly for myself, ah, let me be the first to say: Hell yes.

Nathan Ramsey:
You mean after all we've been through you're telling me we get bupkis out of this crate? [refering to the time ship Joseph arrived in]

Dr. Isaac Mentnor:
Well, the photon reactor was the only element more advanced than our own technology, and it was completely destroyed. Without that we'll never know how this thing could have gone into the future.

Nathan Ramsey:
Well, what about all the rest of the stuff in there?

Dr. Isaac Mentnor:
Might as well have come from some 21st century Radio Shack.

Nathan Ramsey:
Well, I guess that means 33 years from now the Russians will still be sucking our exhaust.

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
There was a time I believed in him completely. I would have waited forever; stupid. [refering his her husband, Joseph]

Lt. Frank Parker:
Well, what ever you did, you did it for love. If you got to make a mistake, you might as well do it for the only reason that matters, right?

Dr. Bradley Talmadge:
[after Parker explains the situation over the phone] Can we send some help?

Lt. Frank Parker:
I don't think so. How hard can it be to find a time-travel facility in Russia? Probably it'll be the only place with electricity.

Dr. Bradley Talmadge:
By all accounts it's the worst disaster since Moupal.

Capt. Craig Donovan:
What were they thinking transporting chemical weapons through a busy train station?

Nathan Ramsey:
Well, you know, czar-ism, Bolsheism, stupid-ism; there's a definite trend there.

Lt. Frank Parker:
How hard can it be to find a time travel facility in Russia? It's probably the only place with electricity.

Nathan Ramsey:
That is a question that you did not ask. If you ask it again, it'll cause great discomfort in your life.

Nathan Ramsey:
I shudder to think of you two at Special Ops together. It's a wonder democracy itself didn't come to an end. [speaking of Frank and Donovan]

Father John Kelly:
React to what's in front of you. Don't try to force it.

Young Frank Parker:
I'm supposed to hit you. [frustrated he keeps missing Father Kelly in a boxing spar]

Father John Kelly:
Yeah, well, stay focused; first things first: to hit me you gotta know what's coming. [punches Frank in the face]

Young Frank Parker:
You're dead. [after misses and being hit more he yells out] I quit!

Father John Kelly:
Yeah, that's going to get you far in life. First sign of trouble and you throw in the towel.

Young Frank Parker:
What's is it with you?

Father John Kelly:
Oh man, I got better things to do than this. You know you wanted for me to teach you.

Young Frank Parker:
So don't teach me - who cares!

Father John Kelly:
It wouldn't hurt because you want to fight anybody who looks at your cross-eyed, but hey - it's your call.

Young Frank Parker:
Well, what am I supposed to do? Sit her and let you beat the hell out of me?

Father John Kelly:
Frank, every obstacle looks too big until you break it down into pieces. Frank, you do one thing right, then you do another. And the next thing you know, you've beaten it. But you quit, you automatically lost!

Young Frank Parker:
Well thank you, Yoda.

Lt. Frank Parker:
Better make up your mind, Frank; clock is ticking. You know, curiosity didn't kill the cat, hesitation did. What's it gonna be, Frankie boy?

Lt. Frank Parker:
Ah, hell, you know what, Ramsey? Just shove it.

Nathan Ramsey:
You are a pathetic, alcoholic son of a b*tch.

[Parker has just met his clone]

Parker's Clone:
What do you think Olga will think?

Lt. Frank Parker:
You stay away from her or I swear to God I'm gonna kick your ass!

Parker's Clone:
Wouldn't that be like kicking your own ass?

Capt. Craig Donovan:
Still means something, doesn't it? [looking at the big American flag hanging in the Sphere hanger]

Lt. Frank Parker:
Yup. Sometimes we forget.

Lt. Frank Parker:
You're looking very umbrella tonight. [trying out his Russian]

Dr. Bradley Talmadge:
Isaac's been interpreting the symbols on Adam's bracelets. We thought maybe they were insignia of rank or ornamental jewelry.

Nathan Ramsey:
Turns out they were handcuffs.

Lt. Frank Parker:
What? [surprised]

Dr. Bradley Talmadge:
It appears Adam was a prisoner being transported to a penal colony on a planet beyond our solar system. The ship that crashed at Roswell was a prison ship.

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
But we communicated with him; we felt his compassion.

Nathan Ramsey:
Well, apparently alien psychopaths are just as good con men as human ones.

Lt. Frank Parker:
Maybe you should come down here and join us. I was, ah, thinking about, ah, taking some down time and hanging out anyway. If that's okay with you, sir.

Dr. Bradley Talmadge:
Oh, I'd take all the down time I could if I were you, Frank. Because the next time I see you, I'm gonna kill you. And after that I'm going to kill you again. And again.

Lt. Frank Parker:
I got a sword.

Claire:
You are a 99.3% perfect male specimen, Frank Parker. Proportionally speaking.

Lt. Frank Parker:
Glad somebody appreciates that.

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
[monitoring Parker's vitals when he is visiting Claire, the AI] Ah, his temperature is rising.

Capt. Craig Donovan:
That's not the only thing that's rising...

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
Oh, my God!

Nathan Ramsey:
Now, there's gotta be some mayor perversion going on in there...

Pierce Nolland:
By the way, Frank, did Olga tell you she noticed a slight shrinkage in your package after the last mission?

Lt. Frank Parker:
My package?

Pierce Nolland:
Yeah, where you keep the family jewels. [distracting Frank while they play air hockey]

Lt. Frank Parker:
My name is Parker, Frank B. Agency number 37834901. We have a condition one event. The clock is at seven and a half hours and counting.

Lt. Frank Parker:
They just gave me an IQ test the other day. You guys think I've gotten smarter since then?

Lt. Frank Parker:
[about receiving his Backstep tattoo] I've been in every foreign capital in the world, drunk, and I've never gotten one of those things.

Molly:
[shakes Parker's hand and sees glimpse of his experiences] You see futures. Terrible futures. Are you psychic too?

Lt. Frank Parker:
Me? No, I... just have a dark sense of humor.

Lt. Frank Parker:
That's right. That's what I'm saying. A bomb. A big one, a big bomb, on Flight 700 out of Seattle. How do I know? 'Cause I'm the one who put it there. 'Cause I'm one bad-ass, bad bomber, that's why. You listen here, punk. I spent the last 17 years of my life sucking back jet fumes. You know what that does to a man's brain? Well, you're about to find out. Have a pleasant flight. [hangs up] That was more fun than it should've been.

William Walker:
Look here Morgan. You know what these are?

Morgan Walker:
Yeah, they're your'e Tuskegee air wings.

William Walker:
The only thing I ever drove before I went down there to learn how to fly, was a tractor. Everybody I knew said I wouldn't be able to do it. Hell, I had doubts about it myself. But when it came down to it, I knew in my gut I could. Now, you wanna learn to fish or not?

Morgan Walker:
Yeah.

William Walker:
All right then. 'cause once you decide to do something, you got to stick with it. All the way. Despite what anybody says, despite what you're damn head says. You go with what it says, right there. [pocking him in the gut]

Dr. Bradley Talmadge:
I wanna thank you, Frank. [putting an arm around his shoulders]

Lt. Frank Parker:
For what?

Dr. Bradley Talmadge:
For being such a stubborn son of a b*tch.

Lt. Frank Parker:
I was just doing my job, sir. Just doing my job.

Fidel Castro:
Viagra! Bring me Viagra!

Lt. Frank Parker:
You like it? My first girlfriend made it for me when I won the Golden Gloves in eighty-six. Her name was Heather Hanble. Boy could that girl... sew. [referring to his American flag cape, then after seeing the look on Ogla's face cutting him short]

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
Sometimes, it doesn't matter what we do. Things just turn out the way they will. There's no bad guy - nobody to blame.

Lt. Frank Parker:
I had her. I know I did. She was gonna bury it and start over.

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
We don't know that.

Lt. Frank Parker:
I know it.

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
You rarely have the luxury of chalking things up to fate, do you? It doesn't matter how complicated a situation - whether it's clear or unclear what's right or wrong. You just listen to your heart and you act. You just act. [holds Parker's face in her hands] You know, you've really taught me the value of that. [tenderly kisses him on the lips]

AF Colonel Beekman:
Agent Parker, what are you doing here?

Lt. Frank Parker:
I had a little time off, figured I'd collect on that drink you owed me.

AF Colonel Beekman:
I know this place on K Street where all us officers go.

Lt. Frank Parker:
What's it called?

AF Colonel Beekman:
The Silo.

Lt. Frank Parker:
Oh, you gotta be kidding.

Lt. Frank Parker:
In the last three hours I have been up for six days straight, trying to keep this world from blowing up. Who cares? Nobody!

Lt. Frank Parker:
Why can't I go?

Nathan Ramsey:
Because you'll embarrass everybody.

Lt. Frank Parker:
When have I ever done that?

Nathan Ramsey:
L.A.

Lt. Frank Parker:
Oh, come on - I was under cover.

Nathan Ramsey:
Parker, you jumped out of a cake with a stripper at a porn convention.

Lt. Frank Parker:
See, this is exactly the kind of thing that happens when you're memory gets erased; you have no idea what I was up against!

Nathan Ramsey:
Oh, I think I got an idea. [motion with his hands at his chest to imply breasts]

Dr. John Ballard:
Come on, guys, we're wasting time - Daddy needs a new pair of mainframes, o-uuuh yeeeah!

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
We've been here before, haven't we? [surprised Frank is goign to take her to see a magician]

Lt. Frank Parker:
You wanna hear all the juicy details? [grinning]

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
There never will be juicy details, Mr. Parker.

Tourist:
Hey, what the heck is that thing? [points at backstep device]

Lt. Frank Parker:
Publicity stunt for a movie. So, what did you think?

Tourist:
That was spectacular!

Lt. Frank Parker:
You should see the effects in the movie.

Tourist Wife:
Ooh, what's it called?

Lt. Frank Parker:
Mars Needs A Tax Break.

Dr. John Ballard:
The subsonic waves are destroying your inner ear, your equilibrium. It's happening slower to you because you're in the amplification zone. But you're still nauseated, probably wish you could die, huh? Well good news! You will!

Lt. Frank Parker:
Nice try, you ol' bastard.

Lt. Frank Parker:
Walter is an autistic-savant.

Nathan Ramsey:
He's retarded?

Lt. Frank Parker:
Not like you, Ramsey, but he's some kind of genius.

Lt. Frank Parker:
[after being tortured by Michelle's associate while hanging handcuffed, shirtless and wet] So, what now? You gonna zap me a couple of times, too?

Michelle:
Of course not. I don't want to hurt you, Mr. Parker, not unless... you want me to.

Lt. Frank Parker:
You really okay with the fact they created a kid in the lab?

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
Well, it's a brave new world, Mr. Parker. It's here, whether we like it or not.

Lt. Frank Parker:
I suppose so, but making babies the old fashion way - you just can't beat it. Am I right?

Lt. Frank Parker:
Eh, she's trying to put babies on your brain. she wants to know where her grand kids are. She's good. [speaking of the book Olga's mother sent her]

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
Okay, good-bye. [shoving him out of her office]

Lt. Frank Parker:
Kids, we never explored that, you and me. Your biological time clock must be running on over drive.

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
Mr. Parker, your attitude is not only insulting, it's incorrect.

Lt. Frank Parker:
You true about that? [as he's being shown the door out]

Dr. Olga Vukavitch:
Positive! Besides, I already deal with an infant everyday: you!

Dr. Bradley Talmadge:
Let's get settled, people, there's no time to waste.

Lt. Frank Parker:
If Ramsey had put in that fire house poll like - [interrupted by Bradley]

Dr. Bradley Talmadge:
That'll do, Frank, sit down.