Shark Tank

Kevin O'Leary:
I'm not trying to make friends. You want a friend, buy a dog. I'm trying to make money.

Kevin O'Leary:
Here's how I think of my money: soldiers. I send them out to war every day. I want them to take prisoners and come home so there's more of them. In your army, every soldier dies that you send out every day. When you have no soldiers, you're wiped out.

Daymond John:
There is a saying in business that the first person to say the number loses.

Daymond John:
Greed is good, but we need to be greedy together.

Robert Herjavec:
Don't ever be enamored by what something sells for. It's more important what you get to keep in your pocket.

[repeated line]

Mr. Wonderful:
You're dead to me!

Daymond John:
Failure, to me, is just an opportunity to begin again more wisely.

Robert Herjavec:
A good entrepreneur never takes 'no' for an answer, but a smart businessman knows when to move on.

Kevin O'Leary:
It's always about the money all of the time.

Mark Cuban:
It doesn't matter how many times you fail. All it takes is one and everybody can call you an overnight success, so don't quit because we've all been laughed at. I know I've been laughed at, and my biggest hits have been the ones people thought were most likely to fail.

Mr. Wonderful:
I wish every investment I made made money, but they don't. Some fail. You should think about your ideas the same way. This is a dog from Hell. This is a very bad idea. It howls at the moon and you should take it out behind the barn and shoot it.

Mr. Wonderful:
There is no tomorrow. You're dead to me if you say 'no' to my deal. You're dead. You're gone. I don't even know who you are. You're a vapor.

Kevin O'Leary:
I know money has no soul, all right? I never, ever, ever let emotion get in the way of an investment.

[repeated line]

Mr. Wonderful:
All roads lead back to Mr. Wonderful.

Kevin O'Leary:
Stop the madness!

Mr. Wonderful:
Have you ever heard of a viking funeral? They load up a boat with wood, they put the dead bodies on the top, they set it on fire and they push it out on the ocean. That's you guys. This is a horrible idea. I'm out with *extreme* prejudice. I wanna set you on fire and float you out of the tank.

Kevin O'Leary:
Honey, sweetie, poopsie, baby!

Entrepreneur:
When I quit the rat race, I lived in New York City. I burnt myself out and said, "That's it, I'm going to wear a tie dye for the rest of my life." It was just a sign of freedom for me.

Kevin O'Leary:
I don't care if you wear goatskin. I wanna know if you're making any money.

[repeated line]

Mark Cuban:
You're not an entrepreneur. You're a wantrepreneur.

Kevin O'Leary:
I'm a member of a group called the Chevaliers du Tastevin. It's a secret society of Burgundy drinkers. [Mark chuckles] Every 90 days, somewhere in the world we gather and we drink wines as old as 1902. But you can't do it unless you're wearing your tastevin which is a tasting cup made of pure silver. [Daymond laughs] If the cup is dirty, you're rejected from the meeting. No matter where it's held. Could be Paris, could be Rome - you can't get in.

Daymond John:
I can't believe I'm hearing this.

Kevin O'Leary:
I keep telling my wife, "You gotta polish my tastevin!" She says, "Polish your own tastevin!"

Kevin O'Leary:
They're gonna crush you like the cockroaches you are!

Chris Sacca:
Ideas are cheap; execution is everything.

Kevin O'Leary:
Don't cry about money - it never cries for you.

Kevin O'Leary:
Here's how I think of my money: soldiers. I send them out to war every day. I want them to take prisoners and come home so there's more of them. Your army, every soldier dies that you send out every day. When you have no soldiers, you're wiped out.

Kevin O'Leary:
You know why you're wearing those ties? You're pigs. Pigs get slaughtered.

Omar Soliman - Entrepreneur:
Who would you rather handling your personal belongings: this unprofessional, unlicensed, uninsured mover, or three professionally trained, enthusiastic college foxes packing boxes?

Robert Herjavec:
But Omar, the problem is, who would my wife rather have do the moving?

Robert Herjavec:
[about the surgically implantable bluetooth] How do I charge it every night?

Darrin Johnson - Entrepreneur:
So, we have the AC charging port. [directs attention to a digital demonstration of an elongated linear device entering through a person's ear]

Kevin O'Leary:
So you stick that needle in your head every night to charge it?

Darrin Johnson - Entrepreneur:
Yes, you would. [Daymond cracks up]

Robert Herjavec:
Are you... seriously? Like, seriously... a needle?

Darrin Johnson - Entrepreneur:
It's like a small q-tip cylinder that will dock...

Kevin O'Leary:
What happens if you miss, Darrin!

Darrin Johnson - Entrepreneur:
You can't miss.

Kevin O'Leary:
You can't miss, really?

Kevin O'Leary:
[to Robert] Let me tell you something. We don't wanna do what we're about to do with each other. This is going to get really expensive so let's stop right now. Think about it - it's a big mistake *beep*ing me on this one.

Kevin O'Leary:
I used to sell software to mothers of children so they learn how to read and I'd say to them, "Look, if you don't buy my software, they're going to live in a gutter when they get older".

Barbara Corcoran:
Oh, that was a great sales pitch. Beautiful, beautiful.

Kevin O'Leary:
It works. We sold a billion dollars of it, Barbara.

Robert Herjavec:
That's a wonderful way to talk to children, Kevin.

Kevin O'Leary:
Do you know anybody else in your sphere of contacts that's ever sold an educational business for over $3 billion, do you?

Michael Barnett - Entrepreneur:
We do not.

Kevin O'Leary:
You're looking at one right here.

Kevin O'Leary:
Okay, let's have a very quick math lesson. We're going to keep it very easy, just to figure out if you'll ever make any money, okay?

Andy Sperry - Entrepreneur:
Okay. Right on.

Kevin O'Leary:
How many times does the average customer per year send back this InkFlip box?

Andy Sperry - Entrepreneur:
Industry statistics say that the average customer is going to use 7 cartridges a year.

Kevin O'Leary:
How much money per trip do we make at InkFlip?

Andy Sperry - Entrepreneur:
$8 to $10.

Kevin O'Leary:
Okay, let's say $10. That means each customer is going to make us $70 a year.

Andy Sperry - Entrepreneur:
Correct.

Kevin O'Leary:
Now here's the killer question, Andy: What is the cost of acquiring that customer?

Andy Sperry - Entrepreneur:
[nervously] That is the killer question, and I'll be honest, I don't have the answer to that, and...

Kevin O'Leary:
Wrong answer!

Robert Herjavec:
You can always go down the road if you're willing to make the journey. It just might be a little longer.

Kevin O'Leary:
It's always about the money, all of the time.

Kevin O'Leary:
I love kids but they're the hardest things to sell to 'cause they don't have their own credit cards!

Kevin O'Leary:
There is nothing more evil than a business that doesn't create a profit. And the only way to fight evil is with evil. You have to shut it down.

Kevin O'Leary:
Kimberly, I'm your only friend up here. I'm the only one telling you the truth. All of this encouragement for you to go on is folly. It's a huge mistake. Somebody's gotta tell you that; it's not going to be your family, it's not going to be these people cheering you on. It's me.

Robert Herjavec:
I don't think we're cheering her on, I think that...

Kevin O'Leary:
I don't care, Robert, it makes no money!

Robert Herjavec:
I think the only mistake that Kimberly is making is that the data is perhaps telling her to change direction.

Kevin O'Leary:
Is that another way of saying "shut it down"? At the very least, go home tonight, write on a piece of paper the day you have to be profitable and be honest with yourself. You have guts to put a timeline on this because it's your family's money you're burning, and *that* I find evil.

Kevin O'Leary:
Annie, you've gotta wake up and smell the money: there isn't any!

Daymond John:
Is this a patented or proprietary product? Can you patent this product?

Aida Camwich-Lough - Entrepreneur:
Yes, we have filed, we have a provisional patent.

Kevin O'Leary:
On what?

Philip Lough - Entrepreneur:
The process, not the poop. You can't patent poop.

Barbara Corcoran:
So you have your four boys blowing these balls up after school?

Michele Kapustka - Entrepreneur:
Yes, it's part of their chores.

Kevin O'Leary:
It's slave labor!

Barbara Corcoran:
What exactly would we bring to the party other than our hard, cold cash? You think we know a lot about balls?

Kevin O'Leary:
Barb, you know about balls.

Daymond John:
As of right now, you are nobody to everybody.

Robert Herjavec:
Mary Ellen, you created a sticky pad for sticky pads.

Mary Ellen Simonsen - Entrepreneur:
I created an arm for sticky pads.

Kevin O'Leary:
That's worth half a million dollars?

Mary Ellen Simonsen - Entrepreneur:
Yes.

Kevin O'Leary:
Please tell me why.

Mary Ellen Simonsen - Entrepreneur:
All you simply do is swing the sleeve in when you're ready to go. And, as you can see, not even falling off.

Kevin O'Leary:
Oh, I see why it's worth half a million dollars!

Mary Ellen Simonsen - Entrepreneur:
Thank you!

Kevin O'Leary:
It folds into the computer! Of course, that makes sense to me now! You've sold how many?

Mary Ellen Simonsen - Entrepreneur:
I have sold none.

Kevin O'Leary:
Excellent, excellent. I think we should keep this a secret. It's *so* valuable that nobody should know about this.

Robert Herjavec:
Mary, convince me why this isn't the worst idea I've ever seen.

Kevin O'Leary:
How much is it worth? What would I pay for that?

Mary Ellen Simonsen - Entrepreneur:
Uh, 9.50.

Kevin O'Leary:
Stop the madness! Are you out of your mind?

Mary Ellen Simonsen - Entrepreneur:
Yes.

Kevin O'Leary:
Are you crazy?

Mary Ellen Simonsen - Entrepreneur:
Yes.

Robert Herjavec:
Barbara, my friend, you have made a horrible mistake here and you put your personal charity and goodwill ahead of your investment acumen.

Barbara Cororan:
I'm rich enough to take that luxury.

Kevin O'Leary:
I am stunned of your greed. Your absolute greed.

Jeff Cohen - Entrepreneur:
You just said that greed- that wanting to make money is what this is all about!

Kevin O'Leary:
You had an opportunity to make money and you passed on it. You're a tragedy. You're a human tragedy.

Jeff Cohen - Entrepreneur:
Well, you've given me a lot to think about, yo-you're brilliant business people... I'm going to have to decline, but I hope we have an opportunity to work together down the road on this project or on others.

Kevin O'Leary:
There is no tomorrow. You're dead to me if you say 'no' to my deal. You're dead. You're gone. I don't even know who you are. You're a vapor.

Robert Herjavec:
Jeff, you're looking for $1 million now...

Kevin O'Leary:
I'm having indigestion, but go on.

Kevin O'Leary:
To me, you're radioactive. I'm out.

Rikki Farrar - Entrepreneur:
So, one of the things I actually use to attract clients - I have a therapy dog, and we visit hospice and nursing homes...

Robert Herjavec:
You wait for people to die?

Rikki Farrar - Entrepreneur:
That's one of the ways that we get business, yes.

Daymond John:
Does he kinda smell who's about to croak?

Rikki Farrar - Entrepreneur:
I wish he could; that would make it a lot easier.

Robert Herjavec:
Do you not think you're taking advantage of people?

Rikki Farrar - Entrepreneur:
Absolutely not.

Robert Herjavec:
You're going out to people with a dog to make them feel comfortable, so you can sign their family up for this deal?

Kevin O'Leary:
I'll tell you what's wrong with it - she's not charging for it!

Robert Herjavec:
Kevin, just shut up for a sec...

Kevin O'Leary:
No! There's no money in it!

Robert Herjavec:
Because, you know what, I know you don't give a crap.

Kevin O'Leary:
I do give a crap! She's making no margin on the dog!

Kevin O'Leary:
I like death. It's inevitable.

Robert Herjavec:
So, Rodolfo, here's the offer, and Daymond and Kevin - $80,000 for 51% of the business. That's the offer.

Barbara Corcoran:
Gentlemen, did you notice that subtle change that happened in the last few minutes?

Kevin O'Leary:
Who are you?

Barbara Corcoran:
I just want to bring your attention to it.

Daymond John:
Barbara! Barb, Barb...

Barbara Corcoran:
I thought I had heard 50%...

Robert Herjavec:
I hear a voice...

Barbara Corcoran:
And now I'm hearing 51%.

Robert Herjavec:
...But I don't see anybody.

Barbara Corcoran:
Did you catch that little 1%?

Rodolfo Saccoman - Entrepreneur:
We're catching *everything*.

Kevin O'Leary:
[after a funeral service presentation] I love this business. People are dying to get in, there's no question about it.

Rikki Farrar - Entrepreneur:
Literally.

Kevin O'Leary:
There's never a better time to upsell than when a family is stricken with grief.

Kevin O'Leary:
If you say you worked in Venture Capital, then you know that my job is to squeeze your head like a teenage pimple right now.

Kevin O'Leary:
The truth is, you're a nothingburger in this market. Nothing. You have nothing. And $125,000 isn't going to get you anything. You need huge marketing dollars to make that brand even mean anything. That's the problem; you know that! You know what I think? I think you know you're dead. This is over. Now you came here to hear the truth, I just gave it to you, but I cannot put my money in harm's way here. There is no hope. You're going to zero with this. I'm out.

Robert Herjavec:
Look, I'm not saying you told her the wrong thing. What I'm saying to you...

Kevin O'Leary:
You're saying my style? You don't like my style of telling the truth? I don't like to waste words.

Robert Herjavec:
Come on, that woman put her life into this for 3 years, you can see that...

Kevin O'Leary:
Robert! So what? This is business! Life is hard and then you die! Get over it!

Robert Herjavec:
Well, maybe in your world.

Kevin O'Leary:
In my world? In everybody's world.

Barbara Corcoran:
Heath, I have to tell you, I can't look at you without picturing you in a pig costume.

Kevin O'Leary:
The mascot? [Robert starts cracking up]

Barbara Corcoran:
You're a very handsome man; I'm not saying you look like a pig, I'm just saying...

Robert Herjavec:
Oh, I thought that's what you were saying!

Barbara Corcoran:
No, I'm saying you would look adorable as a real life mascot!

Heath Hall - Entrepreneur:
I guess I'll take that as a compliment.

Robert Herjavec:
Only a politician would take that as a compliment!

Kevin O'Leary:
[doing the Boogie Box fitness routine] This is how I keep my Adonis figure!

Daymond John:
You are definitely built like a god. Buddha to be exact.

Kevin O'Leary:
I'm getting a strange feeling you don't like me.

Leslie Haywood - Entrepreneur:
Haha, I *do* like you. I just don't know that I can work with you!

Kevin O'Leary:
You're dead to me!

Edwin Heaven - Entrepreneur:
Let me ask you, what do you do when you lose a sock? Do you scream bloody murder? Do you kick the washer dryer? Well, I have a solution. Throx - three socks!

Kevin O'Leary:
Look, you're a very interesting character - a CEO designer. Now, there's a little bit of a risk there. If you walk out of here and a bus runs you over, you're gonna be sparkling on the pavement with that belt. That's the problem.

Danon Beres - Entrepreneur:
I look both ways always.

Kevin O'Leary:
Barbara, *please* don't give this guy any money! No!

Robert Herjavec:
Don't do it.

Barbara Corcoran:
I am going to write you a check.

Kevin O'Leary:
No!

Daymond John:
Are you crazy?

Barbara Corcoran:
He's a thoughtful guy, he's careful with what he's doing...

Daymond John:
I am, too! Give me the money!

Kevin O'Leary:
[to Barbara] I'll give you $20,000 for therapy.

Mark Cuban:
When you try to please everybody, you end up pleasing nobody.

Kevin O'Leary:
Let me tell you my idea, all right? I'm going to buy the whole company, 100%, for $150,000 and I'm going to fire you. This is the best news you've heard today because I am going to leave you with a 7% royalty forever, for the rest of your life, of what I make off this product. You are going to be very rich. That's my offer.

James Mitchell - Entrepreneur:
I-Is there nothing valued in the star power that I have...

Robert Herjavec:
You have no star power. You're an awful salesman.

Kevin Harrington:
[about Fitness Stride] You made a lot of promises here. You talk about abs, back, thighs...

Kevin O'Leary:
And peace in the Middle East.

Kevin O'Leary:
If you worked for me I'd fire you right now.

Kevin O'Leary:
Bob, honey, sweetie, poopsie, baby! Are you out of your mind?

[Daymond is out, and Bob has admitted to sinking $2 million into his company]

Robert Herjavec:
How much is left, Bob?

Bob Kroupa - Entrepreneur:
There isn't.

Robert Herjavec:
It's gone?

Bob Kroupa - Entrepreneur:
Yeah. [the Sharks groan]

Robert Herjavec:
So are you still funding it? Are you putting more in?

Bob Kroupa - Entrepreneur:
No. I haven't funded it at all.

Kevin O'Leary:
He's come here to fund it with your money!

Robert Herjavec:
Bob, basically what I've learned, thanks to Barbara's question, is you took $2 million, hired some expensive guys that got you $800,000 in sales, the sales run away, you fired those guys, 2 million's gone, you're down to zero, and you've invented two new product lines and you want to start over again.

Bob Kroupa - Entrepreneur:
Absolutely.

Daymond John:
I'm out again.

Kevin O'Leary:
[to a weeping entrepreneur] What happens if you're in love with something that's never going to love you back?

Barbara Cororan:
Whoa whoa whoa, Deidrea, let me put this to the test, all right? I'd be interested in buying into your business.

Kevin O'Leary:
Just because she's crying?

Kevin O'Leary:
Barbara, if you screw this up for me I'm going to spank you like a baby seal!

Jeff Foxworthy:
I have a hard time listening to you once you're standing in vomit.

Jeff Foxworthy:
My dad used to turn on the sprinkler and tell us it was a waterpark.

Mark Cuban:
Let me put it on the table, Jeff. 1.25 million dollars... for 100% of your company...

Kevin O'Leary:
Have you ever seen greed like that? That's unbelievable greed!

Kevin O'Leary:
Your business isn't worth $1.8 million!

Julie Goldman - Entrepreneur:
I think it is.

Kevin O'Leary:
Turn around, get out of here.

Mark Cuban:
$150k, tell me the percent, I'll say "yes" or "no", and if I say "yes" we're done. Right? Or, go deal with them 'cause I don't wanna play all the games of going back and forth...

Barbara Corcoran:
W-w-wait. You're asking him to take that option with you right now...

Mark Cuban:
Yep.

Barbara Corcoran:
...and ignore us?

Mark Cuban:
Yep.

Barbara Corcoran:
You're not a very nice guy.

Mark Cuban:
Yep.

Daymond John:
Is there liability if somebody's cat drowns?

Robert Herjavec:
Liability, Daymond?

Daymond John:
If someone's cat drowns. They're hopping up on the toilet, and falls in and is dead...

Kevin O'Leary:
You just get a new cat, they're 15 bucks!

Kevin O'Leary:
I'm stuck on this subsegment problem because I can sell t-shirts to 250 million people or 6 million people. Let me think about that. Hmm, 250! Kim, I gotta tell ya, this is the t-shirt deal from hell. You can't sell it to anybody except pregnant women, sales are going down, the market's getting soft, price points are coming down. I mean, I'm trying to find something, *anything*. But no, it's all death and destruction in your story. It's horrible. I'm out.

Kevin O'Leary:
Aldo, I think it's unique, it's interesting, the history, the piece is wonderful, but I'm stuck on this problem. If you do get run over by a bus, you're road pizza, I'm an investor. I have nothing. I've got the history - your memories. I can visit your grave. But my money's dead, too.

Aldo Orta - Entrepreneur:
You can get run over by a bus and what will happen to your family?

Kevin O'Leary:
My family's going to be happy, particularly my kids!

Kevin O'Leary:
I'll leave an offer here just to get in the mix. I'll give you $500,000 for 51%.

Dominique McClain Barteet - Entrepreneur:
I'm not going to do that.

Kevin O'Leary:
Think about it for a second.

Daymond John:
She did.

Kevin O'Leary:
If a cat ever gave me a problem and I was in a high apartment, I wouldn't have a problem with that cat 5 minutes later.

[after Daymond and Mark made an offer of $150k and an "A" list artist for 45%]

Kevin O'Leary:
Just to keep it interesting in the Tank and add a little je ne sais quoi...

Alashe Nelson - Entrepreneur:
[nonchalantly] Yeah.

Kevin O'Leary:
I'm gonna throw out an offer. $150k for 25% and, you know, I'll come and dance with you once in a while.

Daymond John:
[after being served Brewer's Cow ice cream] So guys, I'm lactose intolerant, so if I taste that then the whole room will clear out. And instead of doing that, I'm out.

Mark Cuban:
Actually I'm lactose intolerant. I just don't care 'cause this is good.

Kevin O'Leary:
I'm lack-of-sales intolerant.

Mark Cuban:
Okay, so this is a one year event so far, you're newbies. Show me I can trust you with my money. What are you gonna do with my money?

Arlene Battishill - Entrepreneur:
Well, we're going to Europe.

Barbara Corcoran:
That's not the right answer. On a vacation?

Mark Cuban:
Wrong answer. Big time wrong.

Arlene Battishill - Entrepreneur:
Hahaha, no no no, here's the thing: in the United States there are 7 million registered bikes. But the big market for our product is in Europe because you got 35 million registered riders...

Mark Cuban:
That is a horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, did I say that was a horrible answer?

Mark Cuban:
You took $400,000 and over the last two years, you haven't been able to sit down and define a direct strategy that's going to get you to a point of profitability and growth. And I hate to paraphrase the undertaker over here... [points at O'Leary] But you know what? Any brand that has any interest in this business, since you have *nothing* proprietary, could just come in and crush you like the cockroaches you are!

Mark Cuban:
My BS meter is going through the roof.

Mark Sullivan - Entrepreneur:
I write music. I design, uh, clothing. I sew.

[Daymond cracks up]

Mark Cuban:
I wanna know what you sew.

Mark Sullivan - Entrepreneur:
Leather. And I sew lady's skirts, and vests, and handbags.

[everyone starts laughing]

Daymond John:
It's a very fine line of being a genius and being crazy. I'm just asking you, has anybody ever said to you, "You're crazy"?

Mark Sullivan - Entrepreneur:
No, I've won engineering awards. I don't smoke. I don't drink.

Kevin O'Leary:
I'm thinking maybe you should.

Mark Sullivan - Entrepreneur:
Hi. My name is Mark Sullivan, and I'm an inventor with over 1,000 inventions. The technology I'm offering you today is the Sullivan Generator. For only $1 million, I am offering 10% of my generator. This is an electric generator which harnesses the spin of the Earth. It works by taking in salt water, it processes the water, and leaves behind the mineral precipitates. The water vapor is then delivered to a vortex chamber where the Coriolis Effect spins this into a hurricane which drives the turbines which makes electricity. The waste products are the mineral precipitates, manganese, and gold.

Robert Herjavec:
What?

Mark Sullivan - Entrepreneur:
Gold.

Barbara Corcoran:
Gold?

Mark Sullivan - Entrepreneur:
Gold.

Barbara Corcoran:
G-O-L-D?

Mark Sullivan - Entrepreneur:
G-O-L-D.

Robert Herjavec:
We suck water in, we make it spin really fast...

Mark Sullivan - Entrepreneur:
Right.

Robert Herjavec:
And we produce electricity on one hand...

Mark Sullivan - Entrepreneur:
Right.

Robert Herjavec:
And gold bars on the other.

Mark Sullivan - Entrepreneur:
That's it! The waste products can be $96 billion in gold. So we can have over 200 of these generators set up all over the world. They're controlled over the internet. With your help and your business acumen, together we can develop this new technology and leave a lasting legacy of goodness.

Kevin O'Leary:
Mark, how long are you visiting Earth?

Kevin O'Leary:
Daymond, you've got retail. You wanna come in with me on this?

Lori Greiner:
I've been in the shopping world, the shopping channel world, for 15 years. You talk like it's nothing. Most people fail that go on.

Kevin O'Leary:
Not me, I don't fail.

Lori Greiner:
[Daymond tries to get a word in] But yeah, you will fail because you know nothing about nail polish, I've been on for 15 years... [talking over each other]

Kevin O'Leary:
I'm not gonna sell it. I'm not gonna sell it, Barbara's gonna sell it.

Lori Greiner:
You can't just call up a buyer and say, "Hey"...

Daymond John:
I will just take the 10,000 units, put them in duty free, and then license the rest to Avon and we won't *need* a shopping channel, so...

Lori Greiner:
And they talk like it's so easy, and you know it's not.

Daymond John:
Yeah, just 'cause we've done it before. We've done it before. I'm sorry, we've done it before... [shouting over each other]

Lori Greiner:
You know what, sorry, you have not. I know all about QVC and I know that...

Daymond John:
[distinctly] I've been in retail for 25 years, and branding, and I have forgotten more than she's learned. I'm not worried about that.

Lori Greiner:
Oh, come on...

Daymond John:
I couldn't care less about that... [they continue bickering for a while] You know what, listen, listen: A piggy bank with 2 nickels in it makes way more noise than a full piggy bank, and I have *a lot*. [everyone laughs]

Mark Cuban:
That was a great one!

Robert Herjavec:
That was nasty.

Mark Cuban:
Guys, since ya'll are from the Burgh, right. I love seeing Pittsburgh people be entrepreneurs and attack a business... um... We can go get some IC Light...

Lindsay Johnson - Entrepreneur:
You know, just a minute, Mark. You can target specific groups. We can go into a sorority and have sorority letters on them, we have awareness ribbons, we can...

Mark Cuban:
I like the hustle, I like the energy, I like the vision even. But it's just not an area that I have a lot of expertise. I couldn't tell you one tank-top top from another, and as much as I want to see you guys become successful, I just can't help you, so I have to be out.

Nicole Bilsky - Entrepreneur:
Thank you, though. We can take you up on those ICs later.

Kevin O'Leary:
All roads lead back to Mr. Wonderful.

Mark Cuban:
If I had my life savings - everything - on the line in the business, which I've had before; where if I don't sell, I don't eat. And trust me, I lived off of mustard and ketchup sandwiches and that's no lie. If that was me, if I saw a truck in the driveway, I would be knocking at the door selling, and I would be able to go door-to-door and sell more than 1,700 units. Sales cures all. You gotta get off your ass and get out there and sell. It's not our money that's going to change it, it's your effort, and for that reason, I'm out.

Kevin O'Leary:
Look, I'm the only guy left Scotty, and here's what I say: I wish every investment I made made money, but they don't. Some fail. You should think about your ideas the same way. This is a dog from Hell. This is a very bad idea. It howls at the moon and you should take it out behind the barn and shoot it.

Daymond John:
So, half a million dollars you say your company is worth at this moment and you haven't made not one sale.

Daymond John:
This is what I'm trying to explain to you: you walked away from a valuable deal like that, but a lot of times the only thing that is more important than the number is the person, you understand? And I wouldn't do that to you and your lovely wife. [teary eyed] Can you reconsider the deal because you make me want to help you.

Kevin O'Leary:
What is the age bracket of the cougar you're talking about? Give me the demo market.

Ryan Custer - Entrepreneur:
30 to 55.

Kevin O'Leary:
So, Barbara, you used to be a cougar.

Daymond John:
Being a salesperson is about being adaptive. Do me a favor, Dave. Can you sell me this pen?

Dave Greco - Entrepreneur:
Absolutely. So Daymond, I've got a great product for you today, and it's this beautiful pen right here. So, the features of it are it's shiny, it's gonna fit nice in your hand, and people are gonna be impressed. But the impact that you're missing is that this pen is gonna help change your life, because you sign your deal with me, you're going to be a very wealthy man. Wealthier than you are right now. This pen, and this is where everybody gets confused, people...

Daymond John:
Sell it to me. Tell me when you're done with the sale. I just wanna see if I'm impressed. That was it?

Dave Greco - Entrepreneur:
That's it.

Mark Cuban:
Well, you haven't gone for the close yet.

Dave Greco - Entrepreneur:
The impact... the impact is you making the deal with me.

[gives Daymond the pen]

Robert Herjavec:
But Dave, it's...

Daymond John:
W-w-wait, stop. *Hated* it. I'm out.

Dave Greco - Entrepreneur:
Good. So, I'll do you a favor, Daymond. You're out.

Daymond John:
You'll do me a favor and talk to them.

Dave Greco - Entrepreneur:
We've got a production company ready, willing, and able to help us produce this content. I invested my own money, I mortgaged my house, and I have a second lien on my house...

Kevin O'Leary:
Who cares!

[Mark is Dave's last chance for a deal]

Dave Greco - Entrepreneur:
Mr. Cuban? What do we need to do right now to ink a deal, because you know and I know this could work.

Mark Cuban:
I want it to sink in on you very, very hard, so it just reverberates through your whole body. What was my last question to you?

Dave Greco - Entrepreneur:
Would I take the $90k for 40%.

Mark Cuban:
You had a chance to close, didn't you? And instead, you diverted all your attention...

Dave Greco - Entrepreneur:
No, I wanted to hear the room out. That's what the Shark Tank is all about.

Mark Cuban:
No. In your particular case, the Shark Tank is about selling. It's about taking your business to the next level. You about taught all of America one of the biggest mistakes salespeople make. When they have a deal in front of them, you should just shut up and take the deal.

Robert Herjavec:
Hallelujah.

Kevin O'Leary:
Riddle me this, Rick...

Rick Smith Jr. - Entrepreneur:
Yes.

Kevin O'Leary:
...who burnt my ass...

Rick Smith Jr. - Entrepreneur:
I'm sorry.

Kevin O'Leary:
Why don't I just take my $1.5m and create Mr. Wonderful's magic show in Vegas, because I'm taking all the risk with all the capital. I call you up and say, "Rick, you wanna work for me?", and I pay you! Why do I have to give you 80% and I get 20% when I put up all the money? Isn't that what this whole thing is about? The guy that has the money makes all the rules. That's how it works!

Rick Smith Jr. - Entrepreneur:
Well, I...

Kevin O'Leary:
You're an employee, you work for me! If I don't like your magic, I fire you! In fact, I burn your ass.

[to Donny about his refusal to move production outside of the US]

Robert Herjavec:
Look, America's the land of opportunity. It welcomes all. It's tough, it's tough when people lose their jobs but it's a global economy. I think Americans can compete on a world-class scale anywhere. So whether you make it here or you make it there, you build a successful business, it's not about "Made in America" because we're all immigrants. We would've never had the opportunity to come here if everybody thought that way. And again, I'm trying not to be disrespectful because my dad was a factory worker. You know, when we came here, he worked in a factory and swept floors, for a guy who was proud from the country that... [trying to hold back tears] You know, I just remember my dad came here and worked in a factory... people made fun of him because he wasn't American, and they called him all kinds of names, and- and- and it hurt him, *deeply*... You know, my dad passed away last year Donny, and... I just- I always asked him what he was most proud of, and the first factory job - not when he made some money, not when he got promoted - that factory job where he swept floors... that made him proud.

Kevin O'Leary:
[about Barbara] What a witch!

Daymond John:
Have you sold any of these?

Travis Perry - Entrepreneur:
Yeah, in one month we did $150k.

Barbara Corcoran:
How?

Travis Perry - Entrepreneur:
Internet, and we set up 8 local music stores.

Mark Cuban:
Local where?

Travis Perry - Entrepreneur:
LA. Lower Alabama!

Kevin O'Leary:
I'll give you $125,000 for 20% and I'll personally endorse the product. I'll do an infomercial for you, put my face on the box, or whatever you wanna do for 12 months.

Robert Herjavec:
Travis, that's how vain he is, that's how self-important he is. He thinks that his picture on the box is going to sell it.

Mark Cuban:
Hey, he's big in LA. Lower Alabama.

[music comes on and Kyle and his two assistants turn around and start shaking their butts]

Robert Herjavec:
I hope those aren't your daughters, Kyle!

Kyle Rainey - Entrepreneur:
One's my niece.

Robert Herjavec:
You just ruined it for me.

Mark Cuban:
The important thing is, it doesn't matter how many times you fail. All it takes is one and everybody can call you an overnight success, so don't quit because we've all been laughed at. I know I've been laughed at, and my biggest hits have been the ones people thought were most likely to fail.

Barbara Cororan:
[appealing to a female entrepreneur] But let me tell you, women work harder and you know it. [the other Sharks groan]

Kevin O'Leary:
Oh, please!

Daymond John:
Oh, boy...

Robert Herjavec:
Really? I got here because I didn't work?

Barbara Cororan:
No. Women work harder than men. [Daymond mimes playing a sad violin] You put one woman against a man in any situation...

Kevin O'Leary:
Please.

Barbara Cororan:
She will outwork the guy every time, you know why?

Daymond John:
Girl power!

Kyle Rainey - Entrepreneur:
So, who is ready to partner with an experienced inventor and light things up?

Barbara Corcoran:
Who's ready? I'm ready.

Robert Herjavec:
That's it? You're in?

Kyle Rainey - Entrepreneur:
All right, let's go!

Barbara Corcoran:
I am ready to go out. I'm out!

Robert Herjavec:
So Barbara, you're really out?

Kevin O'Leary:
Do you wanna make a speech about why?

Barbara Corcoran:
I wouldn't mind. First off, sitting on this would be painful on the backseat of your pants. Secondly, I bet they don't wash well when you make the mistake of forgetting to take them off. Third, I think the designs on these feel dated to me. But other than that, I love the idea.

Lori Greiner:
I understand, I relate to you, I know what it was like, but I can tell instantly if it's a hero or a zero. And I'm sorry, I think it's a zero. I'm out.

Kevin Kiernan - Entrepreneur:
Look, let's go to Mr. Cuban over here for a minute, okay? Congratulations on your victory, by the way. Wouldn't it be great to see your team logo on this?

Robert Herjavec:
On a piece of garbage!

Daymond John:
Most of the guys up here are married, I happen not to be. I've had the pleasure of being with more than one woman in the last 50 years.

Mark Cuban:
And how much did that cost you?

[Ryan is handing out Esso Watches]

Mark Cuban:
No, thanks, go ahead. You keep it.

Ryan Naylor - Entrepreneur:
It's Dallas Maverick's blue, just for you!

Mark Cuban:
Nah, it's okay. You keep it. Thank you.

Robert Herjavec:
Mark, are you allergic to positive-negative ion stuff?

Mark Cuban:
No, I'm allergic to scams.

Lori Greiner:
How do you get the negative ions in this rubber band?

Ryan Naylor - Entrepreneur:
When we're melting the silicon into the mold, we put the negative ion chemical into the silicon.

Robert Herjavec:
With a wand?

Kevin O'Leary:
I feel one with the ion right now. I'm just trying to figure out if I can make any money on this deal.

Mark Cuban:
Kevin, I'm gonna warn you. If you even try to make money from this, I will come over and just beat the living crap out of you. It's horrible!

Kevin O'Leary:
So, Rick, $160k is what you said for 15%?

Rick Hopper - Entrepreneur:
$150k.

Kevin O'Leary:
So Rick, honey, sweetie, poopsie - you must have a lot of sales.

Kevin O'Leary:
Work with me on this for a second because this is my moment with you. I have $400k, I've just put it on this table, let's pretend it's there.

Raven Thomas - Entrepreneur:
Okay.

Kevin O'Leary:
I get this tin, I put it beside the $400k, and I go online and I say, "Who can make me pretzels with stuff and chocolate flavor on them that look like this," how many people you think could do that? I think a lot.

Raven Thomas - Entrepreneur:
Maybe, but they can't do it like me.

Kevin O'Leary:
Sure they can.

Mark Cuban:
No they can't, you know why? Because you're putting your heart, your soul, and your love into it and you care about the business.

Kevin O'Leary:
That's just wonderful. That's just wonderful.

Mark Cuban:
It's called sweat equity, Kevin, and you might not like to do work but some people do. Sweat equity has value.

Kevin O'Leary:
Cry me a river, Mark. Let's talk about reality, buddy. There's nothing proprietary about this at all! And it's not worth $400k!

Mark Cuban:
You know what happens next? You hire them, and you know what they do right after that? They quit 'cause you're a son of a b*tch and they wouldn't wanna work with you!

Kevin O'Leary:
[about to kiss Barbara with the fire & ice lip balm] Listen, Barbara, if I turn to stone I'm going to be pretty unhappy.

[as Kevin and Barbara are about to kiss]

Daymond John:
Don't get your dentures locked up, guys.

Kevin O'Leary:
Lyle...

Lyle Schuette - Entrepreneur:
Yessir!

Kevin O'Leary:
I love you.

Lyle Schuette - Entrepreneur:
I love you too, man!

Kevin O'Leary:
No, let me tell you why. You're the first guy I've ever met that made money selling dirt.

Scott Jordan - Entrepreneur:
I've settled with 11 out of the largest companies including VF Corporation, North Face...

Daymond John:
Sure.

Scott Jordan - Entrepreneur:
Ralph Lauren, Kalvin Klein, Under Armour, Spyder.

Kevin O'Leary:
You're getting ongoing royalty?

Scott Jordan - Entrepreneur:
It's subject to a confidentiality agreement, so...

Kevin O'Leary:
But wait a second, is it getting a royalty stream from the settlement? You don't have to tell me how much.

Scott Jordan - Entrepreneur:
Uh, yes.

Kevin O'Leary:
Okay, listen: you need me very badly. I know how to sue people.

Barbara Corcoran:
I'm going to make you an offer. The contingency is...

Kevin O'Leary:
Wait, before you make an offer, let me make an offer. I'm gonna give you nothing. You have no sales, you don't even have good packaging. There's nothing proprietary or unique about this product. You're gonna get slaughtered. I'm out.

Kevin O'Leary:
[to the Rent-a-Grandma entrepreneur] What's your office like? Do you have a bunch of grandmas sitting around drinking scotch and smoking, waiting to get assignments?

Kevin O'Leary:
[about Rent-a-Grandma] What happens if a granny quits or dies halfway through the assignment?

Robert Herjavec:
$80,000 for 70%. Wow.

Barbara Corcoran:
You know, Daymond, you would never make that offer to a male designer. [the other Sharks groan and hiss]

Stephen Aarstol - Entrepreneur:
Stand Up Paddle Boarding is absolutely exploding. It's coming to every beach, every river, and every lake in the world. It's got the cool, soulful appeal of surfing, yet it's so easy to do that all of you can do it. [awkward extended silence] My, uh... *BEEP*... My company is, uh...

Kevin O'Leary:
Don't worry, it's only your biggest moment in your life.

Barbara Cororan:
You're probably the worst presenter I've ever met.

Mark Cuban:
So wait, let me get this straight. You have not sold any of these yet.

Derek Pacqu? - Entrepreneur:
Nope.

Mark Cuban:
So you haven't had a chance to test it, right? And you're going out and you're selling franchises to area developers, who are then to, in turn, go sell them to franchisees.

Derek Pacqu? - Entrepreneur:
Exactly.

Mark Cuban:
HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE idea!

Daymond John:
Let me ask you something, how do you really feel about it?

Mark Cuban:
HORRIBLE!

Kevin O'Leary:
Derek, why don't you go to your busiest steakhouse near where you live and say to the person there that owns it, "Let me install this for free. You've got 500 coats coming in here every night. Let me watch it work for 90 days"; why wouldn't you do that?

Derek Pacqu? - Entrepreneur:
I want to, but it's too warm right now in Indianapolis.

Kevin O'Leary:
Jackie, isn't it true that one of the reasons you'd wanna keep the wedding dress is to see if your wife fits in it 20 years later?

Kevin O'Leary:
You know what? I'm a romantic. I love weddings. I cry at all of them.

Jackie Courtney - Entrepreneur:
You do?

Kevin O'Leary:
Yes.

Jackie Courtney - Entrepreneur:
All right, all right.

Kevin O'Leary:
I cry to see 50% of somebody's net worth going out the window.

Kevin O'Leary:
I wear a tie every day, I spend thousands every year on ties, I buy them all around the world, and I look spectacular.

Barbara Corcoran:
But they're all black.

Daymond John:
So, I didn't hear not one word about fashion in this whole discussion. I didn't hear about Double Windsor Knots, I didn't hear about how a check would lay with this, or the cufflinks or the beauty or the love, and the *excitement* about the beauty of a tie. For that reason, you're not obsessed over this business like we all are over our businesses, I'm out.

Kevin O'Leary:
I'll give you $250k for 1,000% of Fat Ass Fudge.

Donna McCue - Entrepreneur:
I'm- 1,000%, but isn't that too much?

Daymond John:
Life is a cruel teacher. She loves to give you the test first and the lesson later.

Robert Herjavec:
So Doug, when I started my business a guy came along, offered me $5 million. It was more money than I had ever dreamed of. I went home, I told my wife about it. And she looked at me, she said, "I don't believe you started this business to work for somebody else one day. I think you could make it much bigger." I was shocked. We had car loans, we had a huge mortgage - it was worth hundreds of millions of dollars and I hung onto it. It's the best decision I ever made.

Kevin O'Leary:
[after the Arkeg presentation] Wait a minute, are you serious with this?

Brant Myers - Entrepreneur:
Absolutely. It's a great product.

Robert Herjavec:
How much is it?

Brant Myers - Entrepreneur:
$4,000 retail.

Robert Herjavec:
$4,000?

Kevin O'Leary:
Have you sold any of them?

Brant Myers - Entrepreneur:
Absolutely.

Dan Grimm - Entrepreneur:
'Sold 20. [Robert shakes his head in disappointment]

Daymond John:
You come in here guys and you're very, very rude... you haven't even offered me a beer.

Daniel Rothweil - Entrepreneur:
[questioning Kevin's offer, sweating profusely] At this level, you know, obviously you hate to turn down an offer... Money isn't my problem right now. If we were to land a big box store...

Kevin O'Leary:
You didn't come here for money?

Daniel Rothweil - Entrepreneur:
My goal was to take a product from inception into the marketplace.

Kevin O'Leary:
But that requires money.

Daniel Rothweil - Entrepreneur:
Exactly, but it also requires a marketing side of this. For you to give me $50,000 and say, "Just pay me back," that doesn't get me to the next level.

Mark Cuban:
Kevin, he's saying there's smart money and there's dumb money, and you're dumb money!

Lori Greiner:
[to Kevin] Oh my god, sometimes you remind me of a golf ball. Small, bald, and I want to hit you 300 feet away from me.

[after Kevin, Robert, Lori, and Daymond strike a deal]

Robert Herjavec:
Wow, all the sharks were in- oh, there was one missing. Oh...

Mark Cuban:
You guys are just as shocked as I am.

Kevin O'Leary:
Mark, you know in the Shark Tank sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.

Mark Cuban:
No. Not me.

Kevin O'Leary:
I think you just lost.

Robert Herjavec:
Wow, I love his confidence even when he's defeated.

Daymond John:
He's weeping inside, trust me.

Barbara Cororan:
How would I get my money back if I gave you the money for this product?

Moshe Weiss - Entrepreneur:
I will write you a check.

Moshe Weiss - Entrepreneur:
You might be asking yourself, "What's a rabbi doing on Shark Tank?" Well, I'm gonna tell you. As a rabbi, I'm always looking to help people and find solutions for them. I'm always trying to make their "Oy vey" go away.

Kevin O'Leary:
Are you selling a lot of product that costs $60 a box? Come on.

Carmen Linder - Entrepreneur:
Yes.

Kevin O'Leary:
That's crazy! Am I the only person that says that's insane? I mean, you FedEx this across the country, or you send your children to college.

Carmen Linder - Entrepreneur:
When you say "s'more" it brings back happy memories and people automatically smile. I see this all the time at events. They're like, "Oh my gosh, these are unique. What is this, a cupcake?" I'm like, "Oh no, it's better than a cupcake. It's a s'muffin!" And then they taste it, and then they just fall over.

Kevin O'Leary:
Then they order it and go bankrupt!

Bea Arthur - Entrepreneur:
I just need to get clear on the numbers.

Mark Cuban:
You just said it right there. How can you come in here and say, "I need to get clear on the numbers"?

Bea Arthur - Entrepreneur:
I thought I had a good, basic understanding.

Kevin O'Leary:
No, you were terrible. Terrible.

[after the other four Sharks go out]

Kevin O'Leary:
I think what's appropriate is a simple story that I think you'll appreciate. There's an island right off the coast of South Africa where the largest population of sardines exists. Seals love sardines. Hundreds of thousands of them sit on an island, just bare rock, nothing to eat. They look at the sardines, after about seven days they start to starve, but they know if they go in the water, the great white sharks will eat them alive. Somebody has to go in the water from the seals to sacrifice their lives so that the others can live eating the sardines. It's the one that's starving the most that goes in first, followed by maybe a few thousand more. The ones that sacrifice their lives did it for a purpose: so the DNA of the ones that live can go on. So Bea, do you know who you are in the story? You're the first seal that goes in the water. The purpose was that others will never come in here again without their numbers. They will learn from the blood in the waters that you've provided. I'm out.

Kevin O'Leary:
Here's my take on this: You've achieved a whole lot putting this whole thing together. You've taken *an* idea and gone all the way to the White House. That's cool. Now, if you only had a *good* idea, just think what you'd be doing.

Kevin O'Leary:
68 and you sell it for 80? You are going to Hell!

Megan Jackson Carreker - Entrepreneur:
Well, we want to flip our profit margin by ordering bigger.

Kevin O'Leary:
You're making no money!

Aimee Miller - Entrepreneur:
That's- that's why we're here. We wanna place a bigger order so...

Kevin O'Leary:
I have to go to Hell with you, that's why you're here?

Daymond John:
This is my space and most of the jean players are trying to bring their jean price down to 120, because the days of 180, 220... it's- it's really over. Right now people can't pay their mortgages. They're wearing that favorite pair of jeans forever now.

Robert Herjavec:
Daymond, if I came to you and said, "Let's launch a denim brand. Let's hire a designer and I wanna fund it. Here's a check." You tell me what that check has to be for for me to get 1% of market share in the next five years.

Daymond John:
To launch a denim line?... $5 million.

Kevin O'Leary:
I'm in!

Mark Cuban:
If you can make a woman's tushy look significantly better than anybody else, you're gonna be able to build a following of people who will pay a premium, who will wait for your next product. It's gonna take longer, it's gonna be slower, the margins won't be as strong, but you can get there. I'm not the right person to help you but I'm telling you, do not quit. It's not about spending $5 million, it's just about grinding it out and doing it. So, I wish you guys nothing but the best. I'm out.

Megan Jackson Carreker - Entrepreneur:
[crying] Thank you.

Kevin O'Leary:
Mark is doing you a huge disservice.

Mark Cuban:
No.

Kevin O'Leary:
Let me speak, Mark. Your probability of success in this market is *zero*. So the more time you spend pursuing this dream, the more you're going to be wasting your precious time. If you're truly entrepreneurs, go find something where the probability of success is more than *zero*. No chance that you will get share in the jean business. I'm out.

Kevin O'Leary:
How are you going to get distribution?

Jessica Haynes - Entrepreneur:
The plan is that... I don't have all the answers.

Kevin O'Leary:
That's the plan?

Kevin O'Leary:
I simply want to go to bed richer than when I woke up.

Kevin O'Leary:
It's very fitting that you wore those helmets. Have you ever heard of a viking funeral? They load up a boat with wood, they put the dead bodies on the top, they set it on fire and they push it out on the ocean. That's you guys. This is a horrible idea. I'm out with *extreme* prejudice. I wanna set you on fire and float you out of the tank.

Barbara Cororan:
[after bowing out] I would *love* to have you as partners, but I would never get my money out, and I would start to *hate* you.

Kevin O'Leary:
The only thing that matters in life is what? Money!

Kevin O'Leary:
So, on Cape Cod at the turn of the century, lobster was considered the cockroach of the sea. Nobody would eat it. That's why they fed it to prisoners. It took 40 years to convince Boston society that that cockroach was a delicacy, and now it trades for $15 a pound sometimes in restaurants. 40 is a long time. Now *that* little cockroach may take just as long to convince people to eat it. You'll both be dead before that's mainstream. I won't because I'm a vampire. In the meantime, I'm out.

Colin Grussing - Entrepreneur:
Wear a RootSuit to a concert, you'll probably get pulled on stage. Wear a RootSuit to the game, I bet you'll get on the Jumbotron.

Daymond John:
Wear a RootSuit to the bank, you'll probably get 7 to 10.

Kevin O'Leary:
I'll give you the $75,000. I don't want any equity. I want a dollar from every jar...

Mark Cuban:
D'oh.

Robert Herjavec:
A dollar?

Kevin O'Leary:
Silence, please. Let me get the offer out. I want a dollar from every jar until I get my $75,000 back, which means you have to sell 75,000 jars, all right? And then I want it to drop to 50 cents in perpetuity. [Mark scoffs] And you decide what to do with the business.

Tracy Noonan - Entrepreneur:
Can we just go out in the hall for one second?

Mark Cuban:
Trust me, you're not going to get a worse offer than that so you probably should talk.

Tracy Noonan - Entrepreneur:
Thank you. We'll be right back. [they walk out]

Robert Herjavec:
How much money does that leave them with if they give you a dollar?

Kevin O'Leary:
Practically nothing.

Kevin O'Leary:
It costs me $2 million so that I can work for you. How twisted is that?

Aaron Lemieux - Entrepreneur:
Sounds like America to me.

Kevin O'Leary:
No. It sounds like you made a mistake to me. I'm not gonna pay you $2 million and then do the heavy lifting. That's insane. That's un-American.

David Glickman - Entrepreneur:
When I quit the rat race, I lived in New York City. I burnt myself out and said, "that's it, I'm going to wear a tie dye for the rest of my life". It was just a sign of freedom for me.

Kevin O'Leary:
I don't care if you wear goatskin. I wanna know if you're making any money.

Mark Cuban:
I'd rather follow the green than the dream.

Kevin O'Leary:
[after Mark and Daymond are stripped off Track Days' executive producers list] Well, I see Mr. Wonderful's next on the list so let him speak. It is a horrifically bad idea. I forbid you to proceed. I'm out.

James LaVitola - Entrepreneur:
We're seeking $5 million...

Robert Herjavec:
Whoa.

Daymond John:
That's a lotta money.

James LaVitola - Entrepreneur:
...in exchange for 34% equity in our production.

Brian Pitt - Entrepreneur:
Now, Track Days is a full-length action film...

Mark Cuban:
I'm out.

Brian Pitt - Entrepreneur:
...that revolves around the exciting world for motorcycle world champion...

Mark Cuban:
I'm out. I'm out.

Robert Herjavec:
You're so open-minded, Mark.

Mark Cuban:
I'm out. Did I say I was out?

Kevin O'Leary:
[about Liz Lovely's vegan cookies] Gluten free, dairy free, egg free. What are they made out of, sand?

Kevin O'Leary:
I could fix you in Darwinian ways you don't know, but you may not find that a pleasant experience.

Mark Cuban:
I see you guys not as entrepreneurs, but as wantrepreneurs.

Brian Fleming - Entrepreneur:
Cubes, let me jump in there...

Robert Herjavec:
Cubes?

Mark Cuban:
Cubes? Just for calling me Cubes, I'm out!

Lori Greiner:
Daymond, I just passed a lemonade stand this morning that sells more product than you.

Daymond John:
So, why do you feel that this is a solution to the people that have to take pills?

Keith Marz - Entrepreneur:
For the 100 to 150 million people that can't swallow pills...

Daymond John:
And where do you get this data from? 'Cause you're saying almost half of America will not take pills.

Brandon Marz - Entrepreneur:
There was a study done by a company called Harris Interactive.

Mark Cuban:
But you realize how stupid it all sounds, right? You're saying everybody who delivers anything via pill is so stupid they can't figure out that there's this big market for alternative deliveries.

Keith Marz - Entrepreneur:
They're not stupid. They have a market share that's fine with them.

Mark Cuban:
There's lots of companies offering homeopathic alternatives using sprays.

Keith Marz - Entrepreneur:
There's no major market leader. We're poised to be that leader...

Mark Cuban:
[Lori tries to get a word in] W-w-wait, you're saying there's *so* many competitors that none of them is really taking the lead and you wanna compete with all of them.

Robert Herjavec:
Mark, I think you took a different spray than I did. You seem very irritable about this.

Mark Cuban:
It's a scam! I mean, it's a hustle, right?

Kevin O'Leary:
Wait a second, the whole supplement market's a hustle!

Mark Cuban:
Exactly!

Robert Herjavec:
Hang on, Keith, he just called you a hustler!

Keith Marz - Entrepreneur:
I know, and I was offended by that because...

Kevin O'Leary:
Guys, guys, your answer is simple. The supplement market is a multi-billion dollar market so why don't you just say that! Do I have to say that for you? What's the matter with you guys!

Robert Herjavec:
[holding up spray] Brandon, holy crap, what did you give us in this?

Brandon Marz - Entrepreneur:
To answer your question, we're not hustlers. We have first mover advantage.

Robert Herjavec:
But Brandon, prove us wrong. Do you have any sales?

Brandon Marz - Entrepreneur:
Yes. So, originally, we only had one product which was the slim spray product, and we sold that in some small retail locations and to one distributor...

Kevin O'Leary:
GIMME A NUMBER! I'M JACKED UP ON B-12, HIT ME!

Daymond John:
So, Barbara, you gonna write them a check?

Barbara Cororan:
Yes I am, big mouth.

Daymond John:
Let's go. Let's go.

Barbara Cororan:
Pipe down, little man.

Daymond John:
Barb, just 'cause you're an old crab doesn't mean you should get in the lobster business.

Robert Herjavec:
$175k for 50%, would you consider that?

Scott Shields - Entrepreneur:
I'd consider it but I wouldn't take it unfortunately.

Mona Weiss - Entrepreneur:
Well, you better be working 16 hours a day on our business like we do.

Robert Herjavec:
Sorry, what did you say?

Mona Weiss - Entrepreneur:
I said you better be working 16 hours a day on our business like we do, for that kind of money.

Robert Herjavec:
Oh no, Mona, I work 24 hours a day on my business so I can have the privilege of sitting up here and listening to people like you.

Kevin O'Leary:
You're building a brand around the Bear and the Rat, the Bear is 14, he's gonna be snuff city in 24 months. Do you have another Bear backup?

Robert Herjavec:
Do you use these in your house?

Seth MacFarlane:
Yeah, I don't- I don't have a dog.

Robert Herjavec:
[to Bruce] He's your spokesman and he doesn't even have a dog?

Seth MacFarlane:
If I did, I'd be the first guy in line.

Lori Greiner:
What I'm not relating to is, is that I have to have dog excrement to make it work.

Robert Herjavec:
This is a QVC product. I could see you on air with a little dog poop selling this.

Seth MacFarlane:
You've sold worse crap than this!

Kevin O'Leary:
Wow, we may actually watch a guy with a fantastic business walk out of here with nothing pretty soon.

Robert Herjavec:
Potentially the best product we've ever seen.

Kevin O'Leary:
You know, I'm not trying to make friends, Drew. I'm trying to make money.

Mark Cuban:
I gotta tell you, David, I used to write for Computer Reseller News so I'm very familiar. I love the idea of classes online... in 1985. It's been done again and again and again, and to come in as your differentiation being 50 years old, yet you haven't said a single solitary word about what you're gonna do to identify 50+ year old consumers, and you've gotten bundling confused with upsell at retailers. I don't think you have a single solitary clue about what you're gonna do to run your business! Now, you may think I'm gonna go out after saying all that... and you would be right. I'm out.

Mark Cuban:
I get that you're trying to recreate Twitter and Facebook onto Rolodoc, okay. But I wanna do this eye-to-eye, face-to-face, 'cause you're doctors. [stands up, walks up to the entrepreneurs and shakes their hands] Worst presentation *ever*. I'm out.

Kevin O'Leary:
[about Eyebloc] CJ, you want me to give you $50,000 for that little piece of crap?

Kevin O'Leary:
CJ, I'm also a historian. I'm gonna give you a little story that you're gonna enjoy and you're gonna learn from. In the days where there wasn't any internet and we just had cities and forts and castles, the universal sign of distress was an upside-down flag. When bad things were happening, they turned their flag upside-down and hoist it up. Everybody around them knew, "Whoa, this is bad news. Something's really bad in there." I think it's time for you to turn the flag upside-down. I'm out.

Daryl Stevenett - Entrepreneur:
You know when bears hibernate they go 7 months without food. How do they do that? Bears don't die...

Kevin O'Leary:
They buy LifeCaps!

Mark Cuban:
Robert's right. It's worth a lot more, and you know that. You have your background and your experience, and $600k in sales. People are probably throwing money at you. You don't come in and ask for a $1.5 million valuation. Unless you're screwing with us, it makes no sense whatsoever. I think there's no chance on God's green earth that this deal could ever possibly close because you'd be an idiot among your friends to value this company at $1.5 million or even $3 million! So, it doesn't add up.

Kevin O'Leary:
Did you just insult him?

Mark Cuban:
Yeah! Because he's insulting us.

Kevin O'Leary:
Mark Cuban just crapped on you. What do you say?

Kent Frankovich - Entrepreneur:
So, here's the response. I think that we have absolutely been looking to find investment. The fact is, coming and talking to you guys, and the connections that you have, and the networks that you have, and the experience that you...

Mark Cuban:
You are so full of *BEEP*! Excuse my French.

Ivan Barnes - Entrepreneur:
One thing I wanna say is, we haven't really gotten it out there. We're at the point right now- this is like the jump off point.

Kevin O'Leary:
Right over the cliff, baby!

Kevin O'Leary:
Guys, I have a question I want you to answer. Is there a possibility, as you're explaining why you have no sales, is there a possibility that nobody *wants* Squeaky Knees?

Lisa Evans - Entrepreneur:
Well, you know what, there's a possibility for a lot of things, but...

Kevin O'Leary:
No, wait a second, I really believe I may be right. I think the idea *sucks*.

Kevin O'Leary:
Mike, I'll tell you a little story. I'm a member of a group called the Chevaliers du Tastevin. It's a secret society of Burgundy drinkers. [Mark chuckles] Every 90 days, somewhere in the world we gather and we drink wines as old as 1902. But you can't do it unless you're wearing your tastevin which is a tasting cup made of pure silver. [Daymond laughs] If the cup is dirty, you're rejected from the meeting. No matter where it's held. Could be Paris, could be Rome - you can't get in.

Daymond John:
I can't believe I'm hearing this.

Kevin O'Leary:
I keep telling my wife, "You gotta polish my tastevin!" She says, "Polish your own tastevin!"

Kevin O'Leary:
[as Daymond and Lori discuss the Kane & Couture deal] I just want to make a point here, as a financial investor: if you do this deal, you will make *hundreds* of dollars... [breaks character and starts cracking up]

Mark Cuban:
So, how many have you been selling?

Jim O'Brien - Entrepreneur:
I've sold about $2,500 worth... [the other sharks laugh]

Mark Cuban:
All $2,500 worth?

Kevin O'Leary:
You've sold dozens of 'em!

Kevin O'Leary:
I'm the only Shark that wants to help the children.

Max Valverde - Entrepreneur:
Here's the thing, Mark, is that we are... our users are writing in and asking for bulk orders. Users are asking...

Kevin O'Leary:
Bulk orders?

[Mark laughs]

Kevin O'Leary:
Max. What for?

Max Valverde - Entrepreneur:
Because they're disposable. They only last about 6 months. [Barbara laughs]

Kevin O'Leary:
So they want 5 years worth of MorningHead? [Mark cracks up]

Max Valverde - Entrepreneur:
Yes they do, and they're asking for a subscription based program.

Robert Herjavec:
[holding in laughter] A subscription based program?

[Kevin and Mark laugh vehemently]

Barbara Cororan:
Why is it every time there's a female product on this show, you guys go out right away? We've invested in many male products, we give it a chance.

Mark Cuban:
Name one male product. Name one!

Lori Greiner:
Scrub Daddy!

Mark Cuban:
That's not a male product!

Robert Herjavec:
Nah, that's crap.

Lori Greiner:
[about shapers] Wait wait wait, for all the world to hear, if you met a woman who you thought was dynamite and later she took those off, are you telling me you wouldn't like her?

Kevin O'Leary:
You know what I'd do? I'd litigate!

Lori Greiner:
So Barb, what do you think of this...

Barbara Corcoran:
Well, why don't we talk behind their back because the truth is I'd like to get a good deal. Do you mind stepping out for a minute? [shoos the entrepreneurs away]

[Lori and Barbara are feeling out shapers]

Barbara Cororan:
Wow, they must weigh 5 pounds these pants.

Kevin O'Leary:
Barbara, you wear those you'll have a blood clot.

Mark Cuban:
[after teaming up with Kevin and Robert] The difference between us and the girls is that I actually own businesses that I can place orders for.

Lori Greiner:
Are you sick?

[trying to convince the entrepreneurs to pick the guys over the girls]

Kevin O'Leary:
3 is always better than 2. Any math will tell you that.

Barbara Corcoran:
[about Cerebral Success] But what about a kid who's studying for an exam, he's a nervous wreck, he's been drinking all night, and he takes 15, 20 of these pills?

Kevin O'Leary:
He'll have the dance of the flaming sphincter!

Robert Herjavec:
Chris, I love the story of how you got here. I love the fact that you did it on your own. A guy offered to buy my company for $5 million, I thought it was all the money in the world. I came home, I told my wife I'm taking the offer, I have the papers. And my wife said, "Why, you don't believe in yourself enough?" I turned the offer down because my wife believed in me more than I believed in myself.

Kevin O'Leary:
I'm gonna start crying.

Robert Herjavec:
And a few years later I sold it for $100 million. Chris, my only issue with this is I can't get over the fact that...

Kevin O'Leary:
Robert, are we gonna hold hands and sing Kumbaya here?

Robert Herjavec:
A goal without a timeline is simply a dream.

Mark Cuban:
When you walk into the Shark Tank you look for the sucker, and if you don't see one, it's you.

Lori Greiner:
I'll tell you honestly, you really need the right partner. You need somebody who knows the ropes and who also knows who are the good partners to be with.

Kevin O'Leary:
Thanks, Lori. Stop singing my praises.

Daymond John:
If you're really married, you know the rules. There's one person right, and the other person's the husband.

Lori Greiner:
We already know when you talked to Mr. Wonderful that you don't want just money. You want strategic partners that will take you to the top. Now close your eyes and think about it.

[Mark Cuban laughs]

John Paul DeJoria:
You got a good product, works really great, but you're gonna have a lot of competition. It's not just a clear-cut deal, guys.

Kevin O'Leary:
So basically what Lori just said and JP confirmed, "Close your eyes and let me screw you".

Mark Cuban:
Jason, you're not an entrepreneur - you're a wantrepreneur.

Kevin O'Leary:
Look, I love two industries very much: I love weddings, and I love people dying. You know why? Because when both of those happen, people make stupid decisions. Emotional decisions, not financial decisions.

Kevin O'Leary:
So Abe, I'm gonna tell you a story, okay? 4,000 years ago there was a people called the Phoenicians. They found a way to take sea mollusks, crush their shells and make purple dye. Because it was such a rare color, everybody wore purple robes for royalty. These guys would dye the sails of their boats purple and sail into every war zone in the Mediterranean. Nobody touched them. You know why? Everybody wanted the purple robes. Everybody else got killed, but never the Phoenicians. No one else knew how to crush the snails to make the purple dye.

Lori Greiner:
Did you just make that up?

Barbara Corcoran:
Of course he made it up!

Kevin O'Leary:
Nope. That is a true story.

Robert Herjavec:
What's your point with that?

Kevin O'Leary:
My point is this: If you had the purple dye that no one else could make, you could sail off and make millions of dollars, but you don't. Everybody could make a colored spray for a dog. And for that reason, I'm out. You're not a Phoenician, Abe. Sorry.

Kevin O'Leary:
With that kind of valuation, it doesn't reflect the risk in a one woman business. You could walk out of the Shark Tank tonight and get run over by a bus, and that's the end of this company.

Julie Busha - Entrepreneur:
Well, that's why you would have an insurance policy on me.

Kevin O'Leary:
Yeah, but then if I do that I'd want to run you over with a bus. It's a better return.

Kevin O'Leary:
There's only one answer to this: I have to hire you both so I can fire you. This is so horrible. How do you think this has *any* chance of surviving and working? I hate this so much it's incredible. It's one of the worst ideas I've ever seen. I'm out.

Barbara Corcoran:
Give us your numbers, Nathan.

Nathan Shaffer - Entrepreneur:
Sales to date are $4,500. [the Sharks scoff]

Robert Herjavec:
You mean for the day, today?

Kevin O'Leary:
Hey, Nathan - Lights out!

Barbara Corcoran:
I'm going to make you an offer. I'm really your perfect partner. You couldn't have gone to bed last night and had the best dream of your life and not have me in it.

Mark Cuban:
Those are called nightmares, Barb.

Robert Herjavec:
I wanna participate, but Barbara can add a tremendous amount of value to this category.

Barbara Cororan:
Tell me that again, Robert. In fact, here's my offer and it excludes Robert. I'll give you $150k as a line of credit but I still get 20% equity.

Robert Herjavec:
Barbara, that doesn't make any sense!

Barbara Cororan:
Of course it makes sense!

Robert Herjavec:
With my offer you put up half the money and get the same equity!

Barbara Cororan:
But I don't want you in the deal.

Mark Cuban:
And it's not fair to take 40%.

Barbara Cororan:
No fair. He's a lovely guy, but he is a pain in the ass when you try to reach him and that's not any fun. I like to make all the decisions with my entrepreneurs and see what they think. I move quickly, and besides...

Kevin O'Leary:
Robert, Barbara just threw you under a bus!

Robert Herjavec:
I'm not gonna argue with her. Barbara writes on a stone tablet. I use this fancy thing called e-mail.

Robert Herjavec:
But Arthur, just put yourself in my shoes for a minute. You're in Walmart, largest retailer in the world, you're in 75 stores and you only done $10k in sales. That seems bad to me.

Barbara Corcoran:
Tell us what we're missing.

Mark Cuban:
Tell us why this is good news.

Arthur Grayer - Entrepreneur:
[sarcastically] This is very good news!

Robert Herjavec:
Why!

Arthur Grayer - Entrepreneur:
Well, that... that we'll try something out...

Michael Wooley - Entrepreneur:
Can we come back and let me give a little history. After my daughter had invented it, she won her 6th grade science class contest. Then, another contest called Million Dollar Idea Challenge comes up and so it was put on Oprah Winfrey.

Barbara Corcoran:
And *still* you only sold $10k.

Robert Herjavec:
This is not a good story!

Michael Wooley - Entrepreneur:
Well, this was back in 2003.

Mark Cuban:
How old's your daughter now?

Michael Wooley - Entrepreneur:
She's 27. [Barbara looks up in shock]

Mark Cuban:
AHAHAHAHAHA!

Kevin O'Leary:
I look at you, Ellie and Becca, as entrepreneurs that've gone through a 3 year process. The more time you spend on it, the more you're wasting your productive time, because you're good enough and have proven you can build businesses, but you've gotta have to come up with a better idea. This idea *sucks*. This is a howling dog from Hell, I'm out.

Becca Nelson - Entrepreneur:
Okay, I respect your opinion, but...

Kevin O'Leary:
You must listen to me. I'm your friend here.

Ellie Brown - Entrepreneur:
We want to be sponges. We want to learn from you guys.

Mark Cuban:
You haven't learned enough from your 3 years of issues?

Barbara Corcoran:
Ladies, you love designing, but your eye's not on the business.

Ellie Brown - Entrepreneur:
Work with us. Teach us. We'll learn.

Barbara Corcoran:
I'm out.

Robert Herjavec:
Ellie, Becca... reusable, wearable, tear-proof, residue free - nobody cares. I'm out.

Becca Nelson - Entrepreneur:
Okay, thank you, Robert.

Mark Cuban:
Do you have a website and do you sell online? 'Cause your name sucks.

Becca Nelson - Entrepreneur:
[giggles nervously] What, Evrewares? 'Cause you can re-wear...

Kevin O'Leary:
I thought it was glasses.

Becca Nelson - Entrepreneur:
It's fantastic being here, guys.

Kevin O'Leary:
Never in the history of Shark Tank have I heard somebody talk so much and say so little.

Aaron McDaniel - Entrepreneur:
The best deals are only offered to the super wealthy behind closed doors, helping the rich get richer and locking the rest of us out.

Kevin O'Leary:
What's wrong with that?

Aaron McDaniel - Entrepreneur:
Now, you have the opportunity to get in on the ground floor of an exciting new business that will change real estate investing forever. Tycoon Real Estate is a crowd investing platform that allows every day people to invest in real estate for as little as $1,000.

Mark Cuban:
I hate it. I'm out.

Kevin O'Leary:
I smell jail time!

Kevin O'Leary:
[about Bedjet] I see catastrophe. I see disaster. I see black clouds, devastation, total collapse. Here's what it's gonna look like: You're gonna ship out a couple of million dollars worth of inventory, try and sell it at 499 in specialty mattress stores, it's gonna sit there, it's not gonna turn, the night staff are gonna use it to actually wash the carpets, they don't know what it is. The project is dead already - I'm out.

Mark Aramli - Entrepreneur:
Thank you.

Mark Cuban:
Ahaha! Why would you thank him for that!

Lori Greiner:
[about Bedjet] How'd you come up with this?

Mark Aramli - Entrepreneur:
I used to be an engineer on the NASA spacesuit program.

Robert Herjavec:
Oh, wow.

Mark Aramli - Entrepreneur:
And I was responsible for some of the cooling and heating and climate control systems of the suit.

Mark Cuban:
What does it cost you to make one?

Mark Aramli - Entrepreneur:
$98. We have a market test that we did via Kickstarter, we sold more than $50,000 worth of product.

Mark Cuban:
What was the price per unit?

Mark Aramli - Entrepreneur:
Uh, the retail price for this is gonna be 499. [the Sharks groan]

Barbara Corcoran:
That's more expensive than a mattress!

Kevin O'Leary:
Houston, we got a problem!

Kevin O'Leary:
I can see Mr. and Mrs. Schlabinski walking in to buy a new mattress and Mrs. Schlabinski says to Mr. Schlabinski, "Honey, what's that Bedjet there?" And he says, "Wow, it says it heats or cools our bed!", and she says, "Honey, let's get it," and he says, "How much is it?", and he goes "$500!". They both have a heart attack and they leave.

Kevin O'Leary:
All right, Kevin, I've been listening and I'm saying this: Your name is Kevin, my name is Kevin. I'm officially stripping you of your name because this idea is so bad. It is so bad you do not deserve the name Kevin. You are now called "Zonk". I'm sorry man, I am out. This sucks.

Kevin O'Leary:
[drinking out of the BeverageBoy] I will show this to the Confr?rie at our next chapter meeting, no question.

Daymond John:
[about the BevBoy] Is this like the modern-day's man version of a tastevin?

Kevin O'Leary:
Oh! Interesting, Daymond. The Chevaliers du Tastevin, they might look at this.

Robert Herjavec:
Oh my god...

Kevin Waltermire - Entrepreneur:
I have no idea what that is.

Kevin O'Leary:
So, Kevin, a tastevin is a device used to sip a very beautiful wine from the Burgundy region of France.

Kevin Waltermire - Entrepreneur:
I'm glad you mentioned that.

Kevin O'Leary:
Oh, but there's more!

Kevin Waltermire - Entrepreneur:
I've heard about you and your wine, so we'll pour you one of your... maybe a fine Bordeaux for you. [pours wine into a BevBoy] We're just gonna drop it in water, and now you can party too, Mr. Wonderful.

Kevin O'Leary:
Look at that. I will tell the Confr?rie!

[after Mark and Lori invest in Roominate]

Kevin O'Leary:
Okay, guys. A moment of silence for that money that just died.

Kevin O'Leary:
I happen to be an expert in Greek mythology. [Mark laughs heartily]

Kevin O'Leary:
[after Lori and Daymond make a premature deal] I ask, "Is it a charity, or is it a business?".

Lori Greiner:
Sometimes it's not all about money. Sometimes it's about helping America and making the world a better place.

Robert Herjavec:
Lori, that is such crap. We are not the Charity Tank. We're not here to give out...

Daymond John:
That's not charity, Robert.

Robert Herjavec:
Really, how does that work? How're you gonna grow that business? What's the execution plan?

Daymond John:
We're gonna grow it, trust me on this.

Robert Herjavec:
What, "We're gonna figure it out"?

Daymond John:
Yes, we're gonna figure it out!

Robert Herjavec:
America, come to the tank! We're gonna give you money!

Daymond John:
Oh, like you didn't invest in anybody else who was gonna figure it out! What are you talking about? You bet on the person!

Kevin O'Leary:
I didn't get any information.

Daymond John:
I got information.

Kevin O'Leary:
He wasn't allowed to talk because you had to force 40k down his throat like a goose for p?t?!

Lori Greiner:
You guys just don't like when you get scooped. The bottom line is that...

[Mark groans and tries to get a word in]

Lori Greiner:
Wait, excuse me, I'm talking. I actually believe that Daymond and I, no matter what it is that this guy needs, we'll be there to back him.

Mark Cuban:
Yeah, 'cause you'd just bend over backwards for $40k.

Robert Herjavec:
Come on, Lori, that's ridiculous.

Mark Cuban:
If you're truly trying to help the guy, what I wanted to do is ask him questions. He started talking about an algorithm. What do you know about algorithms?

Lori Greiner:
This is all sour grapes. It's all sour grapes.

Mark Cuban:
It's not sour grapes!

Robert Herjavec:
You know what, you're really pissing me off right now so I'm going to say something rude to you. I don't want to say something rude to you, so I'm going to go, because there was no need to do something like that. You're smarter than that.

[walks off set]

Catalina Girald - Entrepreneur:
You're not investing in my company based on today's valuation.

Kevin O'Leary:
Why not?

Catalina Girald - Entrepreneur:
Because that's not the way it works. [the Sharks laugh]

Kevin O'Leary:
It works that way for me. Your sales are squat!

Catalina Girald - Entrepreneur:
But we are growing. We've doubled our sales month over month over the last quarter...

Kevin O'Leary:
From pee pee to pee pee!

Catalina Girald - Entrepreneur:
But, you know what, we don't spend any money to get that pee pee.

Catalina Girald - Entrepreneur:
So, again, the repeat purchase percentage from one collection to another is 14%. However, I don't think that you should look at it in a vacuum like that. And so, I don't think that with two collections, you can come to that conclusion.

Daymond John:
Well, I think you should stop correcting us on what we think.

[asking for $250k for 5%]

Ryan Shell - Entrepreneur:
First off, on the 5%, that is a starting point for a negotiation. I know you guys just love 5%...

Daymond John:
No, we actually hate it.

Alex Furmansky - Entrepreneur:
We create a Budsie version of their pets. Petsies. We've made dogs, chickens...

Robert Herjavec:
Who has a chicken for a pet!

Alex Furmansky - Entrepreneur:
I know, you'd be surprised! People love their pets.

Kevin O'Leary:
While you're at it, why don't you do Deadsies!

Kevin O'Leary:
[about Budsies] I'm going to make you an offer and in some ways you're incredibly lucky you've met me. I'm gonna give you $100k for 50%. You will never sell another one for $69, the minimum price is 2.49. It's the only way you'll ever make money or pay me back.

Lori Greiner:
That's a good plan, kinda like a toaster in a bathtub.

Kevin O'Leary:
Tell us about your sales.

Mont Handley - Entrepreneur:
Our sales... I'm gonna be honest with you. Our sales suck.

Robert Herjavec:
What I loved about your presentation, and where I really hoped you were going, was to the industrial market. Byron is the real deal.

Byron Dunn - Entrepreneur:
Thank you.

Robert Herjavec:
I see the application. You are the user of the product. But, we went from Byron to irrigation systems to Home Depot. You know, in fairness, Mark, I'm sure you guys are very nice guys, but if Byron wasn't standing there...

Mark Melni - Entrepreneur:
Oh, boy.

Robert Herjavec:
Oh, boy.

Mark Melni - Entrepreneur:
Yeah.

Robert Herjavec:
How long would this presentation have been?

Mark Melni - Entrepreneur:
Oh, boy.

Mark Cuban:
Now, I'm going to tell you point blank, I don't know this business at all. But I'm going to make you an offer.

Robert Herjavec:
Are you serious?

Mark Cuban:
When I was starting Audionet which was turning into the streaming industry basically, I had people coming to me, throwing money at me. We had zero in sales, nothing. Not one person understood what we were doing. They just knew, based off of what we were showing them, that this was something different and something big. I brand that FOMO investing. You know what FOMO stands for? Fear of missing out. Everybody that you've come into contact has put their money where their mouth is, so here's my offer. I'm gonna give you the 500k for 12% and I want an option to put in another million dollars at a $15 million valuation. Meaning, if you grow and things are going according to plan, I get an opportunity to buy more of the company.

Robert Herjavec:
Wow.

Mark Cuban:
That's my offer.

Mark Melni - Entrepreneur:
May I... May I make a call?

Mark Cuban:
Oh, hell no.

Mark Cuban:
Guys, you're overvaluing the equity...

Kevin O'Leary:
OH, REALLY?

Mark Cuban:
Sometimes cash is more valuable than equity.

Nick Woodman:
[after teaming up with Mark and Kevin] I just love doing deals with you guys because it closes while I'm still trying to figure out the damn structure.

Kevin O'Leary:
[about Gato Caf?] What floor of the building would this caf? be on, ground level or high up?

Adriana Montano - Entrepreneur:
I would hope ground level, I mean it's Florida.

Kevin O'Leary:
I'm just thinking if it was high up you could open the window, you wouldn't have a cat problem anymore.

Kevin O'Leary:
You know, I have a long history with cats. [Mark cracks up]

Adriana Montano - Entrepreneur:
Oh my god, I have a feeling it's not going to be good 'cause you wanted them to jump out of a building!

Kevin O'Leary:
No, you're gonna like this story, thank goodness you've met me. In my second year of college, I wanted to be a marketer so I ended up with a job for Miss Mew cat food and Dr. Ballard's dog food. I got a letter from a woman who had a 23 year old cat named Fluffy. Fluffy had been raised her entire life off Dr. Ballard's dog food. Fluffy had no hair left, no teeth... [Mark laughs]

Adriana Montano - Entrepreneur:
Aw, Fluffy...

Kevin O'Leary:
It made me realize I didn't really like cats that much. For that reason, I'm out.

[after the entrepreneurs lost Robert's 150k offer and Daymond's 250k offer]

Kevin O'Leary:
Please leave! 150, gone! 250, vaporized! Now you're vaporized, get out of here!

Tyler Freeman - Entrepreneur:
Just imagine you're watching QVC, you see a product you like, you just tap your pants to buy it.

Mark Cuban:
Come on, that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Kevin O'Leary:
Ninjas, thank goodness you've met me. I, too, am a ninja. Sensei Wonderful - your master. Now, here's what you're going to do. I think you should take this behind the dojo and throw a poison dart into it. Wait 'til it dies, and return when the task is done. And one more thing: I'm out.

Barbara Cororan:
[about uneven tables] I was working as a waitress when I got my thousand dollar loan to start my business, and that was a constant problem. But let me tell you what was key to making the tips: I would pretend the table was a problem and bend on over. But let me tell you, my tips were through the roof.

Mark Cuban:
Now, do you really think that was because of the table or...

Barbara Cororan:
No, I had a nice butt.

Barbara Cororan:
I feel really badly saying this to you, but I, as a matter of principle, don't invest in rich kids' businesses.

Jimmy Kimmel:
We have plans for a full line of horse pants. You can see here we have a logo, we have cargo shorts for horses, and even Spanx. Right now we're at 0, but we can go all the way up to 600, who knows, maybe even 700 billion dollars.

Mark Cuban:
Talk science to me.

Patrick Whaley - Entrepreneur:
Sure. We've had an increase in lactic-acid threshold. We've had an increase in max CO2 levels. We've actually had athletes gain 2 inches on a max vert...

Mark Cuban:
I don't give a damn about what the athletes do. You're not talking science. You're just trying to give me anecdotal information. Talk science to me.

Patrick Whaley - Entrepreneur:
Okay. The concept is being able to wear a suit that is designed around the human anatomy. The gel's the same density as your own muscle tissue so when you wear it, it becomes a part of you, which becomes an internal load versus an external load. It's like training on Earth and competing on the moon.

Mark Cuban:
So, you're telling us with a padded bra, I can jump 13% higher?

Kevin O'Leary:
Maybe we will be friends, who knows, but you are a bit of a dick.

[Mark Cuban cracks up]

Lori Greiner:
Oh my god!

Kevin O'Leary:
I don't care! Look, you need honest partners...

[Mark laughs harder]

Kevin O'Leary:
I'm one of those, all right?

Patrick Whaley - Entrepreneur:
Well, I mean, I'm sincerely sorry that you feel that way about me.

Kevin O'Leary:
Don't feel sorry!

Daymond John:
Listen, maybe he's a jerk, but now he's *my* jerk.

Kevin O'Leary:
I don't think anything you're gonna say is gonna change the outcome for me.

John D. Smith - Entrepreneur:
Well, unless you're a mind-reader, let me tell you.

Robert Herjavec:
Whoa.

Mark Cuban:
Dang, that's not the way to sell.

Kevin O'Leary:
[about Squatty Potty] Well, I wanna hear about sales because you valued this business at $7 million - that's a whole lot of poo poo!

[after Lori made a deal with Heidi]

Barbara Cororan:
We didn't even ask her what it sold for!

Robert Herjavec:
Barbara, who cares about those details?

Kevin O'Leary:
It's Heidi Ho!

Kevin O'Leary:
You know, champagne is a great story. [pops the bottle open] That's it.

Kevin O'Leary:
[about Heidi Ho] Just to clear the deck, I could never do this deal, I could lose my membership in the Chevalier du Tastevin. It would be a disaster.

Kevin O'Leary:
[watching Robert struggle to use Actons] Primetime, national TV bozo.

Robert Herjavec:
[takes them off] All right, it's kinda cool once you get going. It's harder than it looks.

Ashton Kutcher:
It looks hard!

Kevin O'Leary:
So Peter, obviously there's a learning curve, and you've gone through many people trying these out. How long you think it's gonna take for somebody to get proficient where they don't need to be held up and look like they're on the way to the retirement home?

Lindsey - Entrepreneur:
Today I am seeking 1 million dollars for a 5 percent stake in my company.

Robert Herjavec:
Wow.

Mark Cuban:
Daaaang!

Kevin O'Leary:
Thanks for coming!

Kevin O'Leary:
I know hair!

Kevin O'Leary:
So I'm gonna pay sixteen times sales for a rubber mat with a face on it?

Kevin O'Leary:
I'm trying to be kind before I absolutely eviscerate you.

Mark Cuban:
[about Splikity] Who came up with the design?

Doug Clark - Entrepreneur:
Us and our team designed the software.

Mark Cuban:
What's your security background?

Doug Clark - Entrepreneur:
Uh, we do not have a technology background.

Mark Cuban:
I'm out.

[closes notebook]

Kevin O'Leary:
Wow, Mark. That's negative.

Mark Cuban:
Security is not an easy subject. You don't just figure out and say, "Oh, I'm gonna learn security and I'm gonna tell my programmers what to write!".

Doug Clark - Entrepreneur:
Mark, I completely understand. Security is a huge subject, but that doesn't mean that people can't learn it.

Mark Cuban:
You know what, there are hackers out there looking at that going, "YEEEAH BOII!"

Lori Greiner:
Let me come from the female point of view...

Robert Herjavec:
There's a female point of view to technology?

Daymond John:
I smell greedy people.

Kevin O'Leary:
[about Switch Witch] I think you should take the cue from what actually happened in Salem - in the old days they used to burn the witches. If I were you I'd take this behind the barn and burn it, 'cause I think it sucks. I'm out.

Chris Sacca:
I can't tell whether you're pitching or asking for therapy.

Kevin O'Leary:
I believe that all the answers to business come from Greek mythology.

Lori Greiner:
Oh no...

Kevin O'Leary:
And so, there is a very famous figure in Greek mythology. To punish a man in perpetuity, what happens is that he finds himself pushing a rock up a mountain only to get it to the top, and finds himself back at the bottom again. That's you.

Lori Greiner:
For the first time honestly in Shark Tank history, I feel like saying there needs to be six outs. And the reason I say that is because I've seen so many times where somebody sinks a ton of money into something, and in my gut I feel like it's not gonna work. And you just keep putting in more and more money and I feel like saying you gotta stop the bleeding somewhere. Not only am I saying I'm out, but I'm suggesting that you be out as well.

Lori Greiner:
[Chris has made an offer to STEM Center USA] I have something to share.

Chris Sacca:
Here's the thing, I'd like to hear a counter because I love Lori and I have deep respect for her QVC and retail connections but that's not what we're talking about here. And so I think I have a unique skill set to bring to the table with you guys so I'd love to hear what you're coming back with.

Lori Greiner:
I just wanna share something.

Chris Sacca:
A personal anecdote about what STEM means to you? 'Cause I would listen to that.