Spider-Woman

Announcer:
And this is Jessica Drew, who was a child while visiting her father's laboratory, was bitten by a poisonous spider. Forced to try an untested spider serum, Dr. Drew not only saved his daughter's life, but unknowingly gave her incredible spider-like powers. Dedicated to fighting evil, while weaving her web of justice, it's Spider-Woman!

Jessica Drew:
According to this map, the Secret Government Base is just a head of us.

Jeff Hunt:
Speaking of time machines, if we don't step on it, we're going to miss our private press interview.

Spider-Woman:
[trapped in a glass cage] Hey! Spider under Glass isn't exactly my favorite dish.

Billy:
Holy Toledo! Those wooly weirdoes have captured the Capitol building!

Doctor T:
Get lost! I don't need any Spider-stowaways!

Spider-Woman:
Nice try, Dr. T., but a Spider-line in time, saves nine. Whatever that means.

Spider-Woman:
Oh oh. Something tells me those guys aren't selling vacuum cleaners.

CIM Agent:
The President has asked that you personally seize the space being away from the army.

Spider-Woman:
The President? How could a humble little super-spider like me turn him down?

Spider-Woman:
Sh-sh-shivering S-s-spider teeth. That Space Lady isn't fooling around! But I've got an old Spider trick that'll stop her.

Jeff Hunt:
Looks like our pseudo-Spider Hero has betrayed our country. Why, if I could get my hands on her, I'd show her a thing or two.

Jessica Drew:
I'm sure you would, Jeff. [giggles] I'm sure you would...

Jessica Drew:
[Jeff and Billy are under Namarra's sleeping spell] Thank goodness I'm part spider, or I'd have fallen asleep for sure!

Jeff Hunt:
Wait a minute, that strange space being put us to sleep. We must be dreaming!

Billy:
Golly. I just hope I don't have a nightmare. Especially about... sharks!

Spider-Woman:
Thundering Tarantulas! This dream is changing before my eyes.

Spider-Woman:
Shivering Spider Illusions! I didn't stop Namarra, it was just another dream.

Spider-Woman:
That sleeping creepo isn't fooling around I'll have to give her the old one-two punch.

[last lines]

Jessica Drew:
Wake me up when we get back to Justice Magazine. [to herself] And goodnight, Spider-Woman. [winks]

Spider-Woman:
Blistering Bat-Rays! That ghoul isn't fooling around.

Jessica Drew:
Vengeful Vampires! That dreaded Dracula is at it again.

Jessica Drew:
[about to change into Spider-Woman in a telephone booth] Well, it's not exactly my style, bit it'll have to do.

Spider-Woman:
Suffering Spider-Changes, what's happened to you?

Spider-Woman:
Being part spider is challenging enough. I have no intention of being part vampire, also.

Spider-Woman:
Oh no! I'd better make a fast Spider-Change before I'm caught web-handed.

Billy:
I'm hungry, Aunt Jessica.

Jessica Drew:
Good idea, Billy. I'll be right back with three Borscht burgers.

Billy, Jeff Hunt:
Borscht burgers?

Billy:
Yuck!

Jeff Hunt:
Ugh...

Spider-Woman:
Sizzling Spider-venom! That mechanical maniac is trying to take over the whole city!

Billy:
[stuck in an elevator that's line is about to snap] I wish Spider-Woman was here... she'd get us out of this mess!

Jeff Hunt:
Spider-Woman, Schmider-Woman! If she can handle it, so can I!

Spider-Woman:
Jumping Spider-eggs! They're all androids!

Spider-Woman:
Galloping Tarantulas! I think I'm about to have a close encounter of the worst kind.

Billy:
Oh my gosh, look! It's the flying saucer.

Jeff Hunt:
Oh, rats! I left my camera back in the car.

Spider-Woman:
I'll Venom-Blast that UFO right out of the universe!

Spider-Woman:
My sticky web-fingers got me away from that mecco-maniac just in time.

Graviton:
Your time is up, Earthling!

Spider-Woman:
I'm afraid your watch must be a bit fast, Graviton.

Spider-Woman:
I have got to get out of this deadly trap, before that black energy turns me into a black widow. Just a spidery second, if I can unscrew that nut, I may have a chance.

Spider-Woman:
Vibrating Venom-Blasts! Now I know what it feels like to be a milkshake.

Spider-Man:
[having saved young Abdul by catching him in his web] Don't you know you're not allowed to fly without a pilot's license?

Spider-Man:
Well, I'll be a wall-crawlin' web-head!

Spider-Woman:
[Jeff has fallen out of a window and the curtain that he was holding on to has ripped] Hm. Looks like it's curtains for Jeff.

Jessica Drew:
Good work, Billy. Now we'll take the Justice Jet Copter and get there in no time.

Billy:
Super, Aint Jessica! I'll get my coat.

Jessica Drew:
Not so fast, Boy Wonder. The Egyptian desert is no place for a twelve year old.

Spider-Man:
Spider-Woman!

Spider-Woman:
You were expecting maybe the Hulk?

Spider-Man:
That fiendish Space-Mummy has turned everyone into spaced-out mummies. I've got to stop it!

Kuthu:
Oh, no! They've changed my pyramid into a cube! Kuthu to Pyramid fleet: they've discovered our weakness!

Billy:
[opening the door to Jeff's dark room] Hi, Aunt Jessica! Hope I'm not disturbing anything.

Jeff Hunt:
Of course not, Billy. You've only exposed the greatest cover photo of my life!

Jessica Drew:
[quietly] And that's not all he's exposed... [giggles]

Dormammu:
The one called Spider-Woman shall pay for her interference! Through my infinite wisdom of darkness, I have learned her weakness! Bring me her young, male friend... the one with the camera. We shall not fail this time. [ominous laughter]

Spider-Woman:
[being held in the hand of stone giant] I'd better figure a way out of here. Before these stone-faced goons make me part of their rock garden! [the giant fires a beam from his eye at Spider-Woman] Great Tarantula's! He's turning me to solid rock! My ultra-high-frequency spider-shriek is my only hope.

Dormammu:
In a few minutes, the Earth shall see it's last ray of sunlight.

Spider-Woman:
That's it! I should have realized before. Dormammu's weakness is light. If I can just move the moon away from the sun, Dormammu's finished.

Spider-Woman:
I think it's time for some super-duper Spider spinning!

Spider King:
At long last, the one written up in our legend has arrived. Hail to the Spider Queen! We have waited thousands of years for your arrival. Now, as our great book tells us, you shall lead our Spider people to conquer the upper world.

Spider-Woman:
Have you flipped your Spider eggs?

Jeff Hunt:
Hey, you Spider creeps! Let us outta here!

Spider Soldier:
You will be set free, as soon as the Insectron has transformed you into Spider People! [chuckles wickedly as he turns on the Insectron]

Billy:
Oh, no! Looks like this time, we're the specimens under glass.

Spider-Woman:
All right, Spider King, your Spider Queen may have led you into battle, but now, Spider-Woman is going to lead you to defeat.

Spider-Woman:
Now that the Spider King's been taken care of, I've got some cobweb cleaning to do.

Spider-Woman:
Now to stop those two moon rock robbers with a million year old trick!

Billy:
Just wait till my friends hear that I was the first kid in orbit!

Jessica Drew:
Pretty exciting, huh? And I'll be the first civilian woman in space.

Jeff Hunt:
Hey, what about me? I-I should be the first at something, too.

Billy:
Don't worry, Jeff. You can be the first person not to be the first at anything in space.

Billy:
I don't believe it. We've landed on the moon.

Jeff Hunt:
Yeah. Too bad there's no green cheese for those rats who highjacked us!

Jessica Drew:
Jumping Moon gems! I'm getting a Spider-sense. And unless I'm getting space happy, I think I've figured a way out of this mess.

Steel Jaw:
Cats may have nine lives, but I'll soon prove that spiders have only two! [laughs]

Security Guard:
Those women are picking up gold bars like they were sacks of groceries!

Jeff Hunt:
Jessica, you've been spending too much time cooped up in this office. All work and no play...

Jessica Drew:
[interrupting] You mean there's more to life than running the hottest crime reporting magazine in the country?

Jeff Hunt:
A lot more... [leans in closer to Jessica]

Billy:
[an elevator bell chimes] Saved... by the bell.

Jeff Hunt:
Held prisoner by four beautiful women. I must be dreaming!

Billy:
It's not a dream, Jeff. It's a nightmare!

Amazon:
But now we must take you to Shanna.

Jeff Hunt:
That's right. Take me to your leader. I'll straighten things out with him. [the Amazons laugh at Jeff's foolish assumption]

Spider-Woman:
Why doesn't Shanna lead this raid herself?

Amazon:
She has not left the hidden valley since the fall of the Inca.

Spider-Woman:
But that would make her... over four hundred years old!

Amazon:
That is true.

Spider-Woman:
I hope Jeff gets along with older women...

Spider-Woman:
[after diving into the sea] My protective Spider-Bubble will keep me save at this crushing depth.

Billy:
Hmm. I wonder what's down here? I hope there's no ghost in this ghost ship...

Spider-Woman:
Now that it's save, I'd better Spider-Split.

Jeff Hunt:
That does it, Jessica, how many times have I got to save you before you realize this business is too rough for a woman?

Spider-Woman:
Oh, no! What a time ro run out of web-fluid.

Spider-Woman:
Jeepee! I've never had two men fighting over me before...

Spider-Woman:
Jumping Spider-Webs, where on earth am I? I think I'd better take a spidery surveillance.

Jeff Hunt:
Jessica'd better be around here somewhere, I don't like g-getting scared to death for nothing!

Spider-Woman:
My stickey Spider-pads are slipping off this sooty chandelier.

The Great Magini:
[laughs] Those fools never suspected that stealing this painting was the real magic tonight.

Spider-Woman:
That's what you think, Magini! You're little hocus-pocus is over, Magini.

Chief Cooper:
Lucky thing I got here in time to save you, Spider-Woman. That Great Magini is really a dangerous criminal.

Spider-Woman:
Thanks, Chief. i'll be more careful next time.

Spider-Woman:
A giant Spider-hanky will stop that running nose!

Spider-Woman:
If I don't think of something fast, my Spider-Suit's gonna get a free pressing, with me in it!

Spider-Woman:
Spiraling Spider-Blunders, how am I going to get out of this mess?

Kingpin:
Ah... how delightful. Robbing is banks is getting so easy. [takes a bite from an apple] It's almost criminal.

Spider-Woman:
T-t-trembling t-t-tarantulas!

Billy:
[referring to the latest news headline] Boy, Spider-Woman sure is baffled.

Jessica Drew:
I sure am!

Jeff Hunt:
What did you say, Jessica?

Jessica Drew:
Well, I, ehm, I said I sure am glad I'm not in Spider-Woman's shoes.

Billy:
Don't worry, Aunt Jessica, you'll never be.

Spider-Woman:
[while crawling on the ceiling of a warehouse] Slippery Spiders! I can't stick to this honey.

Spider-Woman:
Frozen webfluid! W-with my hands tied, there's no way for me to use my Spider-powers. And if I don't stop that food-pilfering fiend, there's no telling what he'll do next.

Spider-Woman:
I'd better wrap up this over-sized invisible hood, before he wrinkles my Spider-suit.

Spider-Woman:
Wondering Weblines! Billy and Jeff are heading straight for the Patomac river!

Spider-Woman:
I'd better stop that giant spider before he gives my family a bad name.

Spider-Man:
Well, Spidey, better check out that African village, just in case. After all, I wouldn't want a woman spider getting all the headlines.

Jessica Drew:
Jumping Spiders! Eh, I mean... we'd better jump if we don't want that spider to get us.

Jessica Drew:
Trembling Tarantulas! I'm getting another Spider-Sense. And by the looks of things, Spider-Man's about to become a waterspider, the hard way.

Billy:
That was terrific, Spider-Woman. You really showed that dizzy director.

Spider-Woman:
Thanks, but I'll take spidering over stardom any day.

Spider-Woman:
Your time is up, you transistorized tarantula!

Spider-Woman:
Whizzering weblines! I'm being out-spidered.

Spider-Man:
Uh-oh. Looks like Spider-Woman's trying to steal my spotlight again.

Jessica Drew:
[thinking to herself] Sizzling Spider-venom! That jet pilot's in bad trouble. I've got to act fast!

Billy:
I-it looks like we're finished!

Jeff Hunt:
Not yet. Someone's got to stop those Mesozoic menaces, and it might as well be me!

Spider-Woman:
Those no good neanderthals aren't fooling around!

Doctor Morrison:
Those dinosaurs will teach them not to bother me on my secret island!

Spider-Woman:
Now to trap that worm like a fly.

Jeff Hunt:
Forget it, Jessica. While you were busy being lost, we wrapped up the whole story. Everyone's save and sound now.

Spider-Woman:
[catching a thief in the act of stealing Dr. Alexander Drew's research journal] I hate to bother you, but what do you think you're doing?

Bionic Midget:
Ooh. I thought this was the county library.

Spider-Woman:
Nope, but I'd be glad to show the way to the county jail.

Billy:
I still don't understand why anyone would want to steal a bunch of worthless flies.

Jeff Hunt:
Maybe they were fishing and ran out of worms?

Spider-Woman:
That buzzing is rattling my Spider-bones.

Spider-Woman:
Gotta spray web-fluid in my ears, to protect me from that paralyzing buzz!

Spider-Woman:
Tumbling Tarantulas!

The Fly:
Doctor Drew's research not only gave birth to Spider-Woman, it will help me destroy her!

Jessica Drew:
If I don't figure out a way to get back to my spider-abilities, that flipped out Fly will threaten the world!

Dr. Alexander Drew:
[seeing his young daughter stick to a wall] What have I done?