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See... I can get you what you want, I can. I can get you anything, you just have to talk to me, you have to trust me. You can trust me, 'cause I'm your priest, I'm your shrink... I am you main connection to the switchboard of he soul. I'm the magic man... Santa Claus of the subconscious. You say it, you think it, you can have it.
Talk radio host:
So Dan, are you looking forward to the new year?
Not really. I mean, what's the point? Nothing changes on New Year's Day. The economy sucks. Gas is over three bucks a gallon. Fifth grade kids are shooting each other at recess. The whole thing sucks, right? So what the hell are we celebrating?
Now listen. I want you to know what we're talking about here, OK? This is not like TV, only better. This is life. It's a piece of somebody's life. It's pure, uncut, straight from the cerebral cortex. I mean, you're there. You're doing it. You're seeing it. You're hearing it. You're feeling it.
What kind of things, exactly?
Exactly anything. Whatever you want. Whoever you want to be, OK? You want to go skiing without leaving your den — you can. But I'm assuming that a guy like you — if you want to go skiing you'd fly to Aspen. That's not what you're interested in here. It's about the stuff you can't have, right? The forbidden fruit, like running into a liquor store with a .357 magnum in your hand, feeling the adrenaline pumping through your veins. Or … you see the guy over there with the drop-dead Filipino girlfriend? Wouldn't you like to be that guy for twenty minutes — the right twenty minutes? Yeah. I can make it happen, and you won't even tarnish your wedding ring.
That sounds good.
I can get you what you want. I can. I can get you anything. You just have to talk to me. You have to trust me, OK? Trust me. I'm your priest. I'm your shrink. I am your main connection to the switchboard of souls. I'm the magic man, the Santa Claus of the subconscious. You say it — you think it — you can have it. Do you want a girl? Do you want two girls? I mean, I don't know what your thing is, what you're curious about. Do you want a guy? Maybe you want to be a girl. Hey, think of that: be a girl. See what that feels like. I mean, maybe you want a nun to tie you up. It's all doable.
You're that rapper, Jeriko One? You're the one that's been getting all the gang-bangers together, going downtown, forming citizen groups, trying to rake the LAPD over a cheese grater?
Yeah, that's right. And you're gonna be in my next song. It's gonna be called "Robo-Steckler." It's all about a cop who has his worst nightmare: a nigga with enough political juice to squash his ass like a stinkbug. You're gonna be famous, f***er!
Have you ever been in love with somebody who didn't return that love?
Yeah, Lenny. I have.
It didn't stop you from loving them. Right? Or understanding them, or being able to forgive them.
And it didn't stop you from wanting to protect them. Did it?
No, it didn't.
Only he doesn't know about me and Faith. So I say to myself: If I turn the job down, he just gets somebody else, and I lose Faith — to coin a phrase. So to buy time I do the skank. I still gotta do something about Tran. I figure it's him or me, but I can't cap him without a chump to take the fall. And who better than his girlfriend's loser ex-boyfriend, a known criminal who has been seen hassling them in public numerous times?
And who was, regrettably, also your best f***ing friend.
No plan is perfect, Lenny. Hey, cheer up. World's gonna end in ten minutes anyway.
You know how I know it’s the end of the world? Everything's already been done. Every kind of music’s been tried. Every kind of government’s been tried, every f***ing hairstyle, bubble gum flavors, you know, breakfast cereal. What are we going to do? How are we going to make another thousand years? I’m telling you, man, it’s over. We used it all up.
Jeriko One: (rap lyrics) ... and you watch us take it all and then you'll understand our pain! We'll make you the rat that crawled through the cracks. You love that red, white and blue but you hate that black-black-black. And you try to make me think I did this to myself, when the drugs I smoke and the guns I tote both came from your shelf! … But I never had a dream, cuz. My life is a nightmare. America's been my bogey-man for four hundred years!
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