Sweet Temptation

Billy Stone:
Can you believe her? She's gonna take my kids back to New York with her.

Jesse Larson:
She's just trying to scare you. You'll work it out, babe.

Billy Stone:
No, those are my kids. Those are my little kids.

Jade Larson:
Billy, it's not the end of the world.

Billy Stone:
So sweet. So innocent, those two.

Billy Stone:
That dress shrink or somethin'?

Jesse Larson:
Calm down. It's supposed to be tight.

Billy Stone:
I thought you were the caterer, not the entertainment.

Jesse Larson:
Billy, lay off. I gotta hurry. I gotta help Teak load up the van.

Billy Stone:
What time you guys gonna be home?

Jesse Larson:
I don't know. We have to clean up after, probly midnight.

Billy Stone:
Oh, I hate it when you're gone.

Jesse Larson:
You'll survive. You're gonna like this, Molly. [hands Molly plate of food]

Molly Stone:
I only eat cheesewiches.

Jesse Larson:
Ah, come on, taste it. You can't live on cheesewiches.

Molly Stone:
No, thank you.

Jade Larson:
I'll fix her a cheesewich.

Jesse Larson:
Eh - Jade, please stay out of this.

Jesse Larson:
I've prepared this dinner for you, and you're gonna eat it.

Billy Stone:
Look, if she wants a damn cheesewich, she can have a cheesewhich.

Jade Larson:
I'll do it, Billy.

Jesse Larson:
Jade, sit.

Jade Larson:
I was only trying to help.

Jesse Larson:
Okay, I give up. I'll fix a cheesewich.

Billy Stone:
No, I know how she likes it. [sees Jesse getting irritated] What the hell's the matter with you?

Jesse Larson:
I can't even fix a cheesewich that's good enough for your kids.

Billy Stone:
Teak! Don't let her flirt with anybody.

Teak:
Oh, Billy, you spoil all the fun.

Billy Stone:
Get home early.

Jesse Larson:
I'll do my best.

Billy Stone:
Do better than that.

Jesse Larson:
Please, God in Heaven, a big, white room. No men, no kids, no pets, not even a house plant.

Teak:
Oh, don't complain. He's adorable.

Jesse Larson:
And sexy and hip.

Teak:
And he's young.

Jesse Larson:
And he loves me. I really think he loves me. How did I get myself into this? All those years was just me and Jade to worry about, and now, I 've got a-a warden, and his kids, and his ex-wife...

Teak:
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. The sex is good, right?

Jesse Larson:
Oh, God. The sex is fantastic. But, it's constant. He never gets enough.

Teak:
Do me a favor, rent him out.

Billy Stone:
[knocks on bathroom door] I'm comin' in!

Jade Larson:
No, no, no, no, no! Not yet!

Billy Stone:
What's the matter? You think that you have something that I haven't seen before?

Jade Larson:
I'm sure you've seen it all, Billy boy.

Billy Stone:
Hey, are you hiding something in there? [tries to lift up Jade's towel]

Jade Larson:
Hey! Easy there, pervert!

Billy Stone:
Oh, yeah. Yeah. That-that's me. Well, the slugger's all slugged out. I put him down on the futon. Did you rinse that good?

Molly Stone:
About fifty times.

Billy Stone:
Fifty times?

Jade Larson:
You're such a good dad, Billy. My dad never gave me a bath or cared about my hair.

Billy Stone:
Sure, he did. You just don't remember.

Jade Larson:
No, Mama says he never did anything. He never changed my diapers, or picked up a towel. All he did was play golf.

Billy Stone:
He still loves ya.

Jade Larson:
Mom is the true love of his life. He told me once.

Billy Stone:
He better keep his dirty paws off your mom.

Jade Larson:
He's a good guy, though, Billy. I mean, you know, for a jock.

Billy Stone:
Let's get you nice and dry. Step on up. And, then we will get you into some soft, clean pajamas. Alright. Be sure and dry her good. Grab the blow dryer and get her hair because I don't want her going to bed with her hair wet, and dry between... her... toes!

Jade Larson:
You know, it wouldn't be the end of the world if she didn't get completely dry between her toes.

Billy Stone:
Who says?

Jade Larson:
On TV, they say that one day there won't be enough food on the planet to feed everyone, *that* will be the end of the world. Right?

Molly Stone:
Mm-hmm.

Jade Larson:
End of the world!

Molly Stone:
We had fun, Mama!

Billy Stone:
Oh, yes, we did.

Caroline:
I hope you had something to eat. I don't even have any milk.

Billy Stone:
Have I ever once brought these kids home early? You know, you might wanna consider watering your lawn.

Molly Stone:
Bye, Daddy. Bye.

Billy Stone:
Oh, I love you, sweetheart.

Molly Stone:
I love you, too.

Billy Stone:
Okay. Don't forget your monkey. Bye.

Caroline:
I need to talk to you, Billy.

Billy Stone:
You already got your new refrigerator. Hmm? What now?

Caroline:
I'm movin' back to New York. Schools are better. Culturally, you know, everything is right there. My parents are looking for an apartment for me.

Billy Stone:
That's nice.

Caroline:
I thought you were gonna hit the roof.

Billy Stone:
No, I'm not gonna hit the roof because you are not taking my kids any place.

Caroline:
I knew it. You hit the roof!

Billy Stone:
You bring them here dirty. They don't have shoes or socks.

Jade Larson:
Hi.

Molly Stone:
Jade!

Jade Larson:
Molly!

Billy Stone:
I'm glad you're here. Maybe you could get these two home and get'em cleaned up.

Jade Larson:
Sure, but I though you needed some shelves cleaned in your stockroom. I was gonna do it for you.

Caroline:
[hands Billy Robbie's prescription] This is for Robbie's cough. And you better get it filled, or he's gonna keep you up all night.

Billy Stone:
Is that all you feed these kids? You feed them antibiotics?

Caroline:
By the way, I need a new refrigerator.

Billy Stone:
What's wrong with the one you've got?

Molly Stone:
Mama gave Rosa our refrigerator.

Caroline:
Rosa's broke. She's got five kids. They don't have any money. I felt sorry for'em. Preston's gonna pick it up Monday.

Billy Stone:
Caroline, if you wanna give stuff away to your housekeeper, you go right ahead, but I am not gonna replace it - any of it!

Caroline:
Fine. Maybe I'll just pack up the kids and move back to New York.

Billy Stone:
No, you are not taking my kids anywhere. You hear that?

Molly Stone:
Calm down, Daddy!

Billy Stone:
[after Caroline leaves] Is she ridiculous or what?

Jade Larson:
She's ridiculous.

Jesse Larson:
At last.

Teak:
Hi, babe. So, how's your job?

Jade Larson:
My job sucks.

Jesse Larson:
Where have you been?

Jade Larson:
Uh, it was Art Day, today. I had to help Mrs. Simmons clean up.

Jesse Larson:
Well, when I called down there, they said you'd left early.

Jade Larson:
Well, they don't pay me, so they don't even look.

Jesse Larson:
Well, maybe you forgot that you promised you'd come right home and help make these deliveries. Billy's completely outta cookies. We've got a party tonight, and I - [notices Jade sharing a cookie with Otis] Honey, don't do that, you don't know where he's been.

Jade Larson:
Dogs are cleaner than humans. Mmm. These are good cookies, Mom. The best.

Jesse Larson:
Right. Don't take anymore. We need every one. Are you using that stuff on your face that the doctor gave you?

Jade Larson:
Ugh! Don't do that! I hate it when you examine me.

Jesse Larson:
Well, I pay all this money to a dermatologist, you could at least use the medicine.

Jade Larson:
Nag, nag, nag, nag. [walks out of kitchen]

Jesse Larson:
Jade, the dog! You know I don't like the dog in here when I'm baking! Okay, what do I do?

Teak:
Buy a gun.

Jesse Larson:
And who do I shoot first? Me or her?

Billy Stone:
Get the hell over here.

Jesse Larson:
You know, I don't think that she should go parading around in front of you in her underwear.

Billy Stone:
Who's talkin'? You don't even wear underwear.

Jesse Larson:
I'm serious. I'm worried about her. She seems so... lost, you kn - you're naked.

Billy Stone:
Look, will you relax? I was under the sheets. She never even knew. Now, come here. All night long, I've been thinkin' about you takin' off that dress. Oh, Jess, you gotta marry me.

Jesse Larson:
No, no, no, no, no. Don't start that.

Billy Stone:
Come on!

Jesse Larson:
No, don't start.

Billy Stone:
My kids love you.

Jesse Larson:
They do not love me. They want you and their mom to get back together. Well, it's only natural. It's okay.

Billy Stone:
Maybe you don't want my kids.

Jesse Larson:
It's not just about your kids, Billy. I want things to be right for Jade, too.

Billy Stone:
So, what's the big deal? I love Jade.

Jesse Larson:
I love her, too. More than anything in this world. You have to know that. Maybe I'm just not ready to start it all over again. When I was married to Les, I kept thinking, "This it it." You know? "It's never gonna change." And then, when I got the divorce, I - I felt like a person. Independent. Like it was, Jade and me... against the world.

Billy Stone:
So, are you and Jade gonna live together forever? Well, what happens when Jade goes and gets married?

Jesse Larson:
Well, she'll go off and have her own life, and I'll be free to have mine.

Billy Stone:
You shut up and rub my back.

Jesse Larson:
Billy, I'm getting really tired of rubbing your back.

Billy Stone:
Come on! Rub my back, or I'm gonna kill ya.

Denise:
You're awful young. Fifteen.

Jesse Larson:
Sixteen.

Denise:
Yeah, I mean, sixteen. You're young. But, I - this kind of thing happens to everybody. We can all get carried away. Um, wanna tell me about this kid?

Jesse Larson:
He's not a kid. He's older.

Denise:
Mmm. Older. How much older?

Jesse Larson:
He's married. He's got children.

Denise:
Wait a minute. You know what this is? Statutory rape.

Jesse Larson:
Daddy, I don't wanna make a big thing of this.

Denise:
What the hell's your mother been doin'? She blind or something?

Jesse Larson:
She doesn't know what happened. She has know idea.

Denise:
She's supposed to be lookin' out for you. I send money to pay her for taking care of you.

Jesse Larson:
No, Daddy, don't get crazy! Anyway, you never send the money.

Denise:
Alright, let's go.

Jesse Larson:
What? Where are we going?

Jade Larson:
Is Billy gonna go to jail? Because I don't think that's right.

Lawyer:
He could do it again to somebody else. His own children.

Jade Larson:
No, he would never hurt his own children. Never. Believe me, he's good with his kids. And, he's funny, and, like, if he sees a piece of broken glass on the beach he always picks it up, so somebody doesn't come along and get hurt or something.

Lawyer:
The fact that he's a good father could be taken into consideration. His lawyer could get the charge reduced to sexual battery. He'd probably get a year's probation and therapy.

Les Larson:
Yeah, well, I say fry'em.

Jade Larson:
Daddy, he had a really bad childhood. Nobody wanted him.

Les Larson:
You think my childhood was so great?

Jesse Larson:
It's not gonna help anybody to send him to jail. He's outta the house. I threw him outta the house, so there's no reason that Jade can't come home with me.

Les Larson:
That's up to Jade.

Lawyer:
What about it Jade?... Jade?

Jade Larson:
I wanna stay with my dad.

Billy Stone:
You're awake. Hey, you okay?

Jade Larson:
[nods]

Billy Stone:
Good. Good, I made some Mickey Mouse pancakes for your mom. Want some?

Jade Larson:
No, I'm not hungry.

Billy Stone:
Jade, what happened... your mom, she can't ever know.

Jade Larson:
I know.

Billy Stone:
It can't ever happen again.

Jade Larson:
I know. Do you think I'm an idiot or something?

Billy Stone:
She would never forgive us. Either one of us. She would hate us forever. Maybe some cold water on your eyes? You look like you've been crying. I'm coming! Listen, I'm sorry.

Jade Larson:
What happened to the chicken?

Billy Stone:
What?

Jade Larson:
Um, the chicken. The green chicken. What happened to it?

Billy Stone:
I guess we ate it.

Billy Stone:
Who's that?

Jade Larson:
Horizon.

Billy Stone:
Where you goin' dressed like that?

Jade Larson:
Over to her house.

Billy Stone:
In that dress?

Jade Larson:
It's none of your business what I wear.

Billy Stone:
Got makeup on, high-heels, no bra, probably no underpants. You wanna tell me what's goin' on?

Jade Larson:
Why do you care?

Billy Stone:
I just don't want you to get in any trouble.

Jade Larson:
You're not the boss of me. Goodnight, Billy.

Jesse Larson:
We're gonna be kinda late. We have to clean up after, and then Teak wants to take me for a drink to celebrate. There's pizza. All you have to do is warm it up. Take care of Billy, okay?

Jade Larson:
I'm going over to Horizon's.

Jesse Larson:
Do me a favor and stay here with Billy. He hates to be alone. It helps when you're here, then he doesn't get so uptight at me for leaving.

Jade Larson:
What if I don't wanna stay here with Billy?

Jesse Larson:
What is it with you? He gave you a great necklace today.

Jade Larson:
Oh, really? Well, he gives you a ton of stuff. He doesn't just give you one thing.

Jesse Larson:
Is that why you're moping, Jade? You two have a very special friendship. I'm gonna be his wife. There's a difference. It was very sweet of him to give you that necklace. I know you feel lonely and left out. I just wanna tell you that someday, you'll look back on all these problems that seem so big now and you'll laugh.

Jade Larson:
I don't think so, Mom.

Billy Stone:
The sheets are clean, right?

Jade Larson:
Yeah, the sheets are clean. Your kids won't get any of my terrible diseases.

Billy Stone:
Look at you, sweetheart.

Jesse Larson:
Look at this place. You don't pick anything up. [finds carton of cigarettes]

Jade Larson:
Ugh.

Jesse Larson:
Oh my God, Jade. You smoke.

Jade Larson:
No, I don't smoke. Those are Horizon's.

Jesse Larson:
Do you have any idea what these cigarettes do to your asthma? It's just so stupid.

Jade Larson:
Mom, I told you, their Horizon's.

Billy Stone:
Shh! You guys are gonna wake up my kids.

Jesse Larson:
Jade, you can put clean sheets on the bed for Billy's kids, and you won't clean up your room for me? It's a pigsty in there.

Jade Larson:
There's nothing wrong with a pigsty. I get so tired of people saying mean things about pigs. Anyway, it's my room.

Jesse Larson:
It is my house, and unfortunately, I am not a pig. And if you want to live here, you better shape up or...

Jade Larson:
Or what? Go live with my dad?

Jesse Larson:
No, I wasn't gonna say that.

Jade Larson:
That's just the way I remember it. I was about three years old, and I was standing on the lawn, and you and Daddy were looking at me, and you said to choose which one I wanted to go with. You didn't care about me.

Jesse Larson:
No, that - that - You dreamed that, Jade. That never happened. I - I never gave ya an option.

Jade Larson:
Oh, come on, you had to get married.

Jesse Larson:
I was pregnant, yes.

Jade Larson:
Well, maybe you should've gotten abortion. Then, you wouldn't have to deal with me. [leaves]

Jesse Larson:
Jade, I love you. You know, I love you. I just don't know what to say anymore. Everything makes you mad.

Billy Stone:
I'll handle it.

Jade Larson:
I never wanna have kids. I wouldn't wanna bring'em into a world like this.

Horizon:
Yeah, people are such pigs.

Jade Larson:
That's an insult to animals. Pigs are good. They don't cut down all the trees or make bombs or put holes in the ozone layer.

Horizon:
You know the guy that dyes my mom's hair, Richard? He has a pig his name is Wilma. You know what they used for his litter box? Kids plastic swimming pool.

Jade Larson:
I happen to love pigs.

Horizon:
Ugh, you know what's wrong with you? You need a little sex in your life.

Jade Larson:
Maybe I've had a little sex in my life.

Horizon:
Yeah? You have a secret lover or something?

Jade Larson:
What if I told you I wasn't a virgin anymore?

Horizon:
I would laugh right in your face.

Jade Larson:
Fine. I won't bother tryin' to tell you anything anymore. What's the difference? I saw on TV, the sun's gonna explode and suck us all into the black hole. We probably won't live past twenty-one.

Horizon:
You know that pig Wilma? She knocked Richard over when he was trying to get the fridge and gobbled up two pounds of bacon.

Jade Larson:
Is that all you have to talk about is pigs?

Horizon:
You're the one that loves them so much. Drink it fast! We can't bring it inside.

Jade Larson:
I am. Ugh.

Horizon:
Ugh! Well, hurry up! We're gonna miss all the action.

Horizon:
Do you ever just walk along and feel your legs rubbing against each other and get horny?

Jade Larson:
No.

Horizon:
Press them together when you walk and use someone sexy like your stepdad.

Jade Larson:
You always say that, and he's not my stepdad. He's my mother's boyfriend.

Horizon:
Think of his hands moving all over your body.

Jade Larson:
His hands are on my mother. He's so young. It's embarrassing. Sometimes, she acts like she's twelve years old or something.

Horizon:
I can kind of visualize 'em in bed.

Jade Larson:
Awww! Yuck!

Horizon:
Oh my God! His mouth! That mouth.

Jade Larson:
It's sickening if you ask me. I just hate it when they're all over each other like that. Ugh, Friday. His kids will be sleeping with us again tonight. More brats to tend.

Horizon:
I warned you. Summer school would've been better than being a counselor-in-training.

Jade Larson:
It's the pits! I don't even get paid. Talk to you later.

Horizon:
Bye-bye, baby.

Jade Larson:
Bye.

Horizon:
Bye.

Jade Larson:
Horizon.

Horizon:
Jade. Where ya been?

Jade Larson:
At my Dad's. They got a new baby.

Horizon:
Oh my God. They're like rabbits.

Jade Larson:
There's nothing wrong with rabbits.

Shand:
Hey. Want somethin'? [hands Jade a drink] I know you right?

Jade Larson:
We had ceramics class together.

Shand:
Oh, yeah. I like rabbits, too. I used to have one named Thumper.

Jade Larson:
Really? What happened to him?

Shand:
Died of cancer.

Jesse Larson:
Jade!

Jade Larson:
I'm late.

Jesse Larson:
I-I made these cookies for the kids at day care. The dinosaur cookies. What's wrong?

Jade Larson:
I have a headache.

Jesse Larson:
Oh, baby. [hugs Jade]

Jade Larson:
You smell so good, Mama. You always smell so good.

Jesse Larson:
Oh, it's cookie dough. I always smell of cookie dough. Have you been crying, baby?

Jade Larson:
Mm-hmm. I'm just allergic.

Jesse Larson:
Your asthma?

Jade Larson:
No, it's not my asthma.

Jesse Larson:
Jade, don't get so angry. I'm just concerned, that's all. I need to talk to you.

Jade Larson:
What about?

Jesse Larson:
About Billy.

Jade Larson:
What about Billy?

Jesse Larson:
He's been after me to get married for a long time now, and I wonder how you'd feel about that. I don't think it's the right message to be living with him like this in front of you. Would you feel better, I mean, if we were married? If you had a real stepdad? Official?

Jade Larson:
He's never gonna be like a stepdad.

Jesse Larson:
Because he's young?

Jade Larson:
No, not because he's young. It's just he doesn't seem like a stepdad.

Jesse Larson:
He loves you so much. He really does.

Jade Larson:
I don't care if you do.

Jesse Larson:
Jade! You love Billy, don't you?

Jade Larson:
Yeah, I guess.

Billy Stone:
[to Surfer] I keep tellin' you guys, you don't make foam - you make cream. It's gotta float just like velvet.

Jade Larson:
Hi! Can I help, Billy? I could, uh, clean the glass on the shelves?

Billy Stone:
I got a lot to handle here, Jade. [to Surfer] Now, I want you to tap it on the marble to break the bubbles.

Surfer:
White marble?

Billy Stone:
Just do it. I want you to clean up the presentation.

Billy Stone:
Hey! Whaddya doin'?

Jade Larson:
I told you I want to help.

Billy Stone:
Okay, well, you gotta stack these straight. Be sure they're all straight.

Jade Larson:
They are straight. I'm doing it perfect.

Billy Stone:
I hate lookin' in here and seein' things outta place. Cleaned the shelf, didn't you?

Jade Larson:
Yeah. Yeah, I cleaned it. You're such a fussbudget.

Billy Stone:
Jade, last night, it was my fault. I-I'd drank all that wine. I was seein' double. We just have to be cool about this. Pretend it never happened. You can do that can't you?

Jade Larson:
I don't know.

Billy Stone:
It was like some terrible accident.

Jade Larson:
Was it terrible?

Billy Stone:
It was terrible that I took advantage of you. That was the terrible part.

Jade Larson:
I love you.

Billy Stone:
I-I love you too, Jade. But, I... I gotta get back to work. I got a million things I gotta do. Why don't you... go shopping and-and buy something for yourself that you've always wanted. [hands Jade some cash]

Jade Larson:
N-I'm not some prostitute, Billy.

Billy Stone:
What would you like? Wh-What do you want me to do?

Jade Larson:
Look, I'm not gonna tell anyone if that's what you're worried about.

Billy Stone:
Maybe you better go, Jade.

Jade Larson:
You can't even look at me. It's like I've got some contagious disease or something.