The Avengers

Tony Stark/Iron Man:
It's good to meet you, Dr. Banner. Your work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled. And I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster.

Tony Stark/Iron Man:
[confronting Loki in Stuttgart] Your move, Reindeer Games.

Tony Stark/Iron Man:
[to Thor, after their fight] No hard feelings, Point Break. You got a mean swing.

Tony Stark/Iron Man:
Phil? His first name is "Agent."

Tony Stark/Iron Man:
[on the bridge of the helicarrier] Uh, raise the mizzen-mast, ship the top-sails. [points at a SHIELD agent.] That man is playing Galaga! Thought we wouldn't notice…but we did.

Tony Stark/Iron Man:
[to Steve Rogers, about Nick Fury] He's a spy. Captain, he's the spy. His secrets have secrets.

Tony Stark/Iron Man:
An intelligence agency that fears intelligence? Historically, not awesome.

Tony Stark/Iron Man:
[Regarding Steve Rogers] That's the guy my dad never shut up about? I'm surprised they didn't just keep him in ice.

Tony Stark/Iron Man:
Uh oh…help? [gets smacked around by one of the Helicarrier's turbines]

Tony Stark/Iron Man:
[trying to attract a Leviathan by popping flares from his suit] Okay, we got his attention. What the hell was Step Two?

Bruce Banner/The Hulk:
STOP LYING TO ME! [to a freaked-out Natasha, who draws a gun on him] I'm sorry, that was mean. I just wanted to see what you'd do.

Bruce Banner/The Hulk:
[When the carrier he's on is assumed to be a submarine] Really? They want me in a submerged, pressurized metal container? [Sees it's actually a helicarrier that flies] Oh no, this is much worse.

Bruce Banner/The Hulk:
He [Loki] really grows on you, doesn't he?

Bruce Banner/The Hulk:
I mean, what are we, a team? No, no, no. We're a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We're…we're a time-bomb.

Bruce Banner/The Hulk:
I got low. I didn't see an end. So, I put a bullet in my mouth...and the other guy spit it out!

Bruce Banner/The Hulk:
Sorry kids. You don't get to see my little party trick after all.

Steve Rogers/Captain America:
When I went under, the world was at war. I wake up, they say we won. They didn't say what we lost.

Steve Rogers/Captain America:
You know, the last time I was in Germany and saw a man standing above everybody else, we ended up disagreeing.

Thor:
You people are so petty…and tiny.

Thor:
You speak of control, yet you court chaos.

Thor:
We are not your enemies, Banner! Try to think!

Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow:
[tied to a chair] I'm in the middle of an interrogation and this moron is giving me everything.

Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow:
Regimes fall every day. I tend not to weep over that, I'm Russian. Or I used to be.

Clint Barton/Hawkeye:
The Cube is a doorway to the other end of space, right? Doors open both ways.

Clint Barton/Hawkeye:
I need a distraction. And an eyeball.

Nick Fury:
Until such time as the world ends, we will act as though it intends to spin on.

Nick Fury:
Ant…boot.

Nick Fury:
There was an idea-Stark knows this-called the Avengers Initiative. The idea was to bring together a group of of remarkable people to see if they could become something more. To see if they could work together when we needed them to, to fight the battles that we never could. Phil Coulson died still believing in that idea…in heroes.

Nick Fury:
[when Maria Hill calls him out for lying about Coulson's trading cards] They needed a push in the right direction. They got it.

Loki:
I am Loki of Asgard. And I burdened with glorious purpose.

Loki:
I'm not overly fond of what follows. [when Cap asks if he's "scared of a little lightning"]

Loki:
Are you ever not going to fall for that? [after using his duplication ability to trick Thor]

Loki:
If it's all the same to you, I'll have that drink now.

Nick Fury:
We have no quarrel with your people.

Loki:
An ant has no quarrel with a boot.

Nick Fury:
You planning to step on us?

Loki:
I come with glad tidings, of a world made free.

Nick Fury:
Free from what?

Loki:
Freedom. Freedom is life's great lie. Once you accept that, in your heart, you will know peace.

Nick Fury:
Yeah, you say peace. I kinda think you mean the other thing.

Pepper Potts:
Is this about the Avengers, which I know nothing about?

Tony Stark:
The Avengers Initiative was scrapped, I thought. And I didn't even qualify.

Potts:
I didn't know that either.

Stark:
Apparently I'm volatile, self-obsessed, and don't play well with others.

Potts:
That I did know.

Loki:
[teleporting to the front of a fleeing crowd] Kneel before me. [the crowd flees the other way; Loki teleports in that direction]

I said…KNEEL!!! [slams the staff on the ground, releasing a thunderous shockwave that scares the crowd into submission]

Is not this simpler? Is this not your natural state? It is the unspoken truth of humanity that you crave subjugation. The bright lure of freedom diminishes your life's joy in a mad scramble for power. For identity. You were made to be ruled. In the end, you will always kneel.

Old German Man:
[stands up] Not to men like you.

Loki:
[smirking] There are no men like me.

Old German Man:
There are always men like you.

Loki:
Look to your elder, people. Let him be an example!

[Loki fires a blast from his scepter at the old man, only to have Captain America leap in and deflect it back with his shield, knocking Loki down]

Steve Rogers:
You know, the last time I was in Germany and saw a man standing above everybody else, we ended up disagreeing.

Loki:
The soldier. A man out of time.

Steve Rogers:
I'm not the one who's out of time.

Steve Rogers:
Stark, we need a plan of attack!

Tony Stark:
I have a plan: attack!

Thor:
Where is the Tesseract?

Loki:
[laughing] I missed you too.

Thor:
Do I look to be in a gaming mood?!

Loki:
Oh, you should thank me. With the Bifrost gone, how much dark energy did the All-Father have to muster to conjure you here, your precious Earth?

Thor:
I thought you dead.

Loki:
Did you mourn?

Thor:
We all did. Our father…

Loki:
Your father. He did tell you my true parentage, did he not?

Thor:
We were raised together! We played together, we fought together! Do you remember none of that?

Loki:
I remember a shadow. Living in the shade of your greatness. I remember you tossing me into an abyss - I, who was and should be king!

Thor:
So you take the world I love as recompense for your imagined slights? No, the Earth is under MY protection, Loki!

Loki:
[laughs] And you're doing a marvelous job with that! The humans slaughter each other in droves, while you idly fret! I mean to rule them, and why should I not?

Thor:
You think yourself above them?

Loki:
Well, yes.

Thor:
Then you miss the truth of ruling, brother. A throne would suit you ill.

Loki:
I've seen worlds you've never known about! I have grown, Odinson, in my exile! I have seen the true power of the Tesseract, and when I wield it...

Thor:
Who showed you this power? Who controls the would-be king?

Loki:
I AM A KING!

Thor:
NOT HERE! You give up the Tesseract! You give up this pointless dream! …You come home.

Loki:
…I don't have it. [Thor calls Mjolnir to his hand] You need the cube to bring me home, but I've sent it off, I know not where.

Thor:
You listen well, brother. I-- [Iron Man plows into him at full speed]

Loki:
…I'm listening?

[Stark confronts Thor]

Thor:
Do not touch me again.

Tony Stark:
Then don't take my stuff.

Thor:
You have no idea what you're dealing with.

Tony Stark:
Uh…Shakespeare in the Park? "Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?"

Thor:
This does not concern you, metal man. Loki will face Asgardian justice!

Tony Stark:
He gives up the cube, he's all yours. Until then...[Closes his mask] stay out of the way. [Under his breath] Tourist.

[Rogers gets ready to go after Iron Man, Thor and Loki]

Natasha Romanoff:
I'd sit this one out, Cap!

Steve Rogers:
I don't see how I can!

Natasha Romanoff:
These guys come from legend. They're basically gods.

Steve Rogers:
There's only one God, ma'am. And I'm pretty sure He doesn't dress like that. [straps on a parachute and jumps out of the Quinjet]

Steve Rogers:
That's enough! Look, I don't know why you're here…

Thor:
I've come to put an end to Loki's schemes!

Steve Rogers:
Then prove it. Put the hammer down.

Tony Stark:
Uh, yeah, no, bad idea! He loves his ham-

Thor:
You want me to put the hammer down?!

Steve Rogers:
…are we done here?

Loki:
How desperate are you? That you call on such lost creatures to defend you?

Nick Fury:
How desperate am I? You threaten my world with war, you steal a force you can't hope to control, you talk about peace, and you kill 'cause it's fun. You have made me very desperate. You might not be glad that you did.

Loki:
Ooh. It burns you to have come so close. To have the Tesseract. To have power. Unlimited power. And for what? A warm light for all mankind to share? And then to be reminded what real power is?

Nick Fury:
Well, let me know if "real power" wants a magazine or something.

Steve Rogers:
I want to know why Loki let us take him. He's not leading an army from here.

Bruce Banner:
I don't think we should be focusing on Loki. That guy's brain is a bag full of cats. You can smell crazy on him.

Thor:
Have care how you speak. Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard, and he is my brother.

Natasha Romanoff:
He killed 80 people in two days.

Thor:
…he's adopted.

Natasha Romanoff:
I've got red in my ledger, I'd like to wipe it out.

Loki:
Can you? Can you wipe out that much red? Drakov's daughter, Sao Paulo, the hospital fire? Barton told me everything. Your ledger is dripping, it's gushing red and you think saving a man no more virtuous than yourself will change anything?! This is the basest sentimentality. This is a child's prayer-PATHETIC! You lie and kill in the service of liars and killers. You pretend to be separate, to have your own code, something that makes up for the horrors…but they are a part of you, and they will never go away. [Loki slams his fist into the cage glass, snarling with fury] I won't touch Barton, not until I make him kill you. Slowly. Intimately. In every way he knows you fear. And then he'll wake just long enough to see his good work, and when he screams, I'll split his skull! This is my bargain, you mewling quim!

Natasha Romanoff:
[tearfully] You're a monster!

Loki:
Oh, no. You've already brought the monster with you.

Natasha Romanoff:
Banner. So that's your play.

Loki:
What?

Natasha Romanoff:
[into her comm as she walks away] Loki is going to unleash the Hulk. Keep Banner in his lab, I'll meet you there. Send Thor as well. [to Loki] Thank you, you've been very cooperative.

Tony Stark:
You know, you should come by Stark Tower next time. Top ten floors? All R&D. You'd love it, it's candyland.

Bruce Banner:
Thanks, but the last time I was in New York, I kind of broke…Harlem.

Tony Stark:
I promise a totally stress-free work environment. No surprises. [he pokes Banner with an electrified probe]

Bruce Banner:
OW!

Tony Stark:
Nothing? [looking intently into Banner's eyes]

Steve Rogers:
[entering the lab] Hey! Are you nuts?

Tony Stark:
Jury's out. [to Bruce] You've really got a lid on it, huh? What's your secret? Mellow jazz? Bongo drums? Huge bag of weed?

Steve Rogers:
Is everything a joke to you?

Tony Stark:
Funny things are.

Steve Rogers:
We have orders, we should follow them.

Tony Stark:
Following's not really my style.

Steve Rogers:
And you're all about style, aren't you?

Tony Stark:
Of the people in this room, which one is A) wearing a spangly outfit, and B) not of use?

Steve Rogers:
Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?

Tony Stark:
Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. [Natasha shrugs condescendingly]

Steve Rogers:
I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. I've seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you.

Tony Stark:
I think I would just cut the wire.

Steve Rogers:
Always a way out. You know, you may not be a threat, but you'd better stop pretending to be a hero.

Tony Stark:
A hero? Like you? You're a laboratory experiment, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle.

Steve Rogers:
[Incensed] Put on the suit, let's go a few rounds.

[After a surprise attack damages the carrier's systems and takes out an engine, Fury runs onto the bridge.]

Nick Fury:
Bring the carrier about to 180 - headed south! Take us to the water.

Pilot:
We're flying blind! Navigation's recalibrating after the engine failure!

Nick Fury:
[Exasperated] Is the sun coming up?

Pilot:
Yes, sir.

Nick Fury:
Then put it on the left!

Phil Coulson:
[Dying, holding a very large gun] You're going to lose.

Loki:
Am I?

Coulson:
It's in your nature.

Loki:
Your heroes are scattered, your floating fortress falls from the sky. Where is my disadvantage?

Coulson:
You lack conviction.

Loki:
I don't think I-

[Coulson fires the weapon, blasting Loki through a wall]

Coulson:
So that's what it does.

World Security Council:
Director Fury, the council has made a decision.

Nick Fury:
I recognize the council has made a decision, but given that it's a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to ignore it.

Loki:
Please tell me you're going to appeal to my humanity.

Tony Stark:
Actually, I'm planning to threaten you.

Loki:
You should have left your armor on for that.

Tony Stark:
Yeah, it's seen a bit of mileage and you got the glow-stick of destiny. Would you like a drink?

Loki:
Stalling me won't change anything.

Tony Stark:
No, no, no; not stalling, threatening. No drink? You sure? I'm having one. [starts drinking a glass of whisky]

Loki:
What have I to fear?

Tony Stark:
The Avengers. It's what we call ourselves, sorta like a team. "Earth's Mightiest Heroes" type thing.

Loki:
Yes, I've met them.

Tony Stark:
Yeah. Takes us a while to get any traction, I'll give you that one. But let's do a head count here: your brother, the demigod; a super soldier, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend; a man with breathtaking anger management issues; a couple of master assassins…and you, big fella, you've managed to piss off every single one of them.

Loki:
That was the plan.

Tony Stark:
Not a great plan. When they come…and they will…they'll come for you.

Loki:
I have an army.

Tony Stark:
We have a Hulk.

Loki:
I thought the beast had wandered off.

Tony Stark:
You're missing the point. There's no throne. There is no version of this where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes, and maybe it's too much for us, but it's all on you. Because if we can't protect the Earth, you can be damn well sure we'll avenge it.

Loki:
How will your friends have time for me…when they are so busy fighting you? [raises his staff to touch Tony's chest and control his mind; however, the arc reactor blocks it. Confused, he tries again, to no avail] This usually works.

Tony Stark:
Performance issues. It's not uncommon, one out of five…

[Loki grabs Tony by the neck and throws him aside]

Tony Starl:
[Under his breath] JARVIS, any time now.

Loki:
You will kneel before me! [Blasts Tony out the window of his penthouse; as he falls, he triggers the Mark-7 suit controls on his bracelets, causing it to plow through Loki and form around him before he hits the ground, allowing him to fly back up]

Tony Stark:
And there's one other person you pissed off. His name was Phil. [Blasts Loki]

Steve Rogers:
Dr. Banner! Now might be a good time to get angry.

Bruce Banner:
That's my secret, Captain. I'm always angry. [Morphs into the Hulk and punches the Leviathan]

Tony Stark:
Call it, Captain.

Steve Rogers:
All right, listen up! Until we can close that portal, our priority's containment. Barton, I want you on that roof, eyes on everything. Call out patterns and strays. Stark, you got the perimeter. Anything gets more than three blocks out, you turn it back or you turn it to ash.

Clint Barton:
[to Iron Man] Wanna give me a lift?

Tony Stark:
Right. Better clench up, Legolas. [flies Barton to the indicated rooftop]

Steve Rogers:
Thor, you gotta try and bottleneck that portal. Slow 'em down. You got the lightning, light the bastards up. [Thor flies off on Mjolnir] You [Natasha] and me, we stay here on the ground, keep the fighting here. And Hulk? [Hulk turns to Captain America] …Smash. [Hulk grins and leaps into battle]

Loki:
Enough! You are all of you are beneath me! I am a god, you dull creature, and I shall not be bullied by-

[Hulk grabs Loki and slams him around like a rag doll, then leaves him face-up on the floor in a crater]

Hulk:
Puny god. [Walks off]

[Stark gets an unorthodox idea for taking down a Leviathan]

Tony Stark:
JARVIS, you ever hear the tale of Jonah?

JARVIS:
I wouldn't consider him a role model, sir.

[Hulk throws Iron Man off him. Thor and Cap run over to him. Thor rips off Tony's helmet. He appears to be dead. They stand around not sure. Then…the Hulk yells in fury. The noise startles Tony awake.]

Tony:
What the hell? What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me.

Captain America:
[a beat] We won.

Tony:
Alright. Hey. Alright. Good job, guys. Let's just not come in tomorrow. Let's just take a day. Have you ever tried shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is, but I wanna try it.

Thor:
[looking up at Stark Tower] We're not finished yet.

Tony:
…And then shawarma after?

Avengers Assemble!

Some assembly required.

Every team needs a Captain.

Throw down the hammer.

“Drop your socks and get your crocs, it’s about to get wet.”

-Tony Stark

Loki:
I have an army

Tony stark:
we have a hulk

Malick:
This is out of line, Director. You're dealing with forces you can't control.

Fury:
You ever been in a war, Councilman? In a firefight? Did you feel an overabundance of control?

Malick:
You're saying that this Asgard is declaring war on our planet?

Fury:
Not Asgard. Loki.

World Security Council:
He can't be working alone. What about the other one? His brother?

Fury:
Our intelligence says Thor is not a hostile. But he's worlds away. We can't depend on him to help, either. It's up to us.

Malick:
Which is why you should be focusing on Phase 2. It was designed for exactly this.

Fury:
Phase 2 isn't ready. Our enemy is. We need a response team.

Malick:
The Avengers Initiative was shut down.

Fury:
This isn't about the Avengers.

Malick:
We've seen the list. You run the world's greatest covert security network and you're gonna leave the fate of the human race to a handful of freaks?

Fury:
I'm not leaving anything to anyone. We need a response team. These people may be isolated, unbalanced even, but I believe with the right push, they can be exactly what we need.

World Security Council:
You believe?

Malick:
War isn't won by sentiment, Director.

Fury:
No. It's won by soldiers.

[Steve Rogers, Tony Stark and Natasha Romanoff are transporting Loki in the Quinjet when they run into thunder clouds.]

Rogers:
What's the matter? You scared of a little lightning?

Loki:
I'm not. . . . overly fond of what follows.

[Thor arrives from Asgard, wordlessly opens the door and flies off with Loki in a choke hold.]

Tony:
And now there's that guy!

Natasha:
Another Asgardian?!

Rogers:
That guy's a friendly?!

Tony:
Doesn't matter. He frees Loki or kills him, the Tesseract's lost.

Rogers:
Stark! We need a plan of attack!

Tony:
I have a plan - Attack!

[Discussing how to find the Tesseract]

Rogers:
I'd start with that stick of [Loki's]. It may be magical, but it works a lot like a HYDRA weapon.

Fury:
I don't know about that, but it is powered by the Cube. And I'd like to know how Loki used it to turn two of the sharpest men I know into his personal flying monkeys.

Thor:
[Confused] Monkeys? I don't understand—

Rogers:
I do. [Stark rolls his eyes while Steve looks proud of himself] I understood that reference.

[During a quiet moment, Tony bonds with Banner]

Tony:
You should come by Stark Tower sometime. Top 10 floors are all R&D, you'd love it. It's Candyland.

Banner:
Thanks, but the last time I was in New York, I kind of broke…Harlem.

Rogers:
I think Loki's trying to wind us up. This is a man who means to start a war, and if we don't stay focused, he'll succeed. We have orders, we should follow them.

Tony:
Following's not really my style.

Rogers:
And you're all about style, aren't you?

Tony:
Of the people in this room, which one is A) wearing a spangly outfit, and B) not of use?

Thor:
You speak of control, yet you court chaos.

Banner:
That's his MO, isn't it? I mean, what are we, a team? No, no, no. We're a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We're…we're a time-bomb.

Fury:
You need to step away.

Tony:
Why shouldn't the man let off a little steam?

Rogers:
You know damn well why! Back off!

Tony:
I'm startin' to want you to make me.

Rogers:
Yeah. Big man in a suit of armor. Take that away, what are you?

Tony:
Uhh, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. [Natasha shrugs condescendingly, but concedes Stark's point]

Rogers:
I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. I've seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you!

Tony:
I think I'd just cut the wire.

Rogers:
Always a way out. You know, you may not be a threat, but you'd better stop pretending to be a hero.

Tony:
A hero? Like you? You're a lab experiment, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle.

Rogers:
[Enraged] Put on the suit. Let's go a few rounds.

[As the first wave of Chitauri streams through the portal]

Rogers:
Stark, are you seeing this?

Tony:
Seeing. Still workin' on believing.

[Hawkeye and Black Widow are fighting the first wave of Chitauri in New York]

Black Widow:
Just like Budapest all over again!

Hawkeye:
You and I remember Budapest very differently!

Captain America:
What's the story upstairs?

Thor:
The powers surrounding the cube is impenetrable.

Iron Man:
Thor's right, we gotta deal with these guys.

Black Widow:
How do we do this?

Captain America:
As a team.

Thor:
I have unfinished business with Loki.

Hawkeye:
Yeah? Get in line.

Banner:
[Arriving in New York on a motorcycle] So. This all seems…horrible.

Black Widow:
I've seen worse.

Banner:
Sorry.

Black Widow:
No, we could use a little worse.

Captain America:
Stark? We got him.

Iron Man:
Banner?

Captain America:
Just like you said.

Iron Man:
Then tell him to suit up. I'm bringin' the party to you.

[Iron Man flies into view, chased by a Leviathan]

Black Widow:
I—I don't see how that's a party.

[Iron Man drops low to the ground, forcing the Leviathan to crash onto the streets; Banner begins walking towards it]

Captain America:
Dr. Banner! Now might be a really good time for you to get angry.

Banner:
That's my secret, Captain. I'm always angry. [Morphs into the Hulk and punches the Leviathan]

World Security Council #2:
Director Fury, the council has made a decision.

Fury:
I recognize the council has made a decision, but given that it is a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to ignore it.

World Security Council #1:
Director, you're closer than any of our subs, you scramble that jet…

Fury:
That is the island of Manhattan, Councilman. Until I'm certain my team can't hold it, I’ll not order a nuclear strike against a civilian population.

World Security Council #1:
If we don't hold them in the air, we lose everything.

Fury:
I send that bird out, we already have.

Loki:
ENOUGH! You are, all of you, beneath me! I am a GOD, you dull creature, and I will not be bullied by–

[Hulk grabs Loki and slams him into the floor five times like a rag doll, then leaves him lying face-up in the resulting crater]

Hulk:
PUNY GOD. [Stomps off, leaving Loki groaning in pain]

Loki:
[Groaning in defeat as he sees the assembled Avengers] If it's all the same to you…I'll have that drink now.

Malick:
Where are the Avengers?

Fury:
I'm not currently tracking their whereabouts. I'd say they've earned a leave of absence.

World Security Council:
And the Tesseract?

Fury:
The Tessaract is where it belongs. Out of our reach.

Malick:
That's not your call, Director.

Fury:
I didn't make it. I just didn't argue with the god that did.

Malick:
So you've let him take it, and the war criminal Loki, who should be answering for his crimes?

Fury:
Oh, I think he will be.

World Security Council:
I don't think you understand what you've started, letting the Avengers loose on this world. They're dangerous.

Fury:
They sure are. And the world knows it. Every world knows it.

Malick:
Was that the point of all this? A statement?

Fury:
A promise.