The Big Bang Theory

The Big Bang Theory

The Big Bang Theory is an American television sitcom created by Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady, both of whom serve as executive producers on the series, along with Steven Molaro. All three also serve as head writers. The show premiered on CBS on September 24, 2007. The twelfth and final season which will run through 2018–19 premiered on September 24, 2018, consisting of 24 episodes. The show originally centered on five characters living in Pasadena, California: Leonard Hofstadter and Sheldon Cooper, both physicists at Caltech, who share an apartment; Penny, a waitress and aspiring actress who lives across the hall; and Leonard and Sheldon's similarly geeky and socially awkward friends and co-workers, aerospace engineer Howard Wolowitz and astrophysicist Raj Koothrappali. Over time, supporting characters have been promoted to starring roles including: physicist Leslie Winkle, neuroscientist Amy Farrah Fowler, microbiologist Bernadette Rostenkowski, and Stuart Bloom, the cash-strapped owner of the comic book store the characters often visit. The show is filmed in front of a live audience and is produced by Warner Bros. Television and Chuck Lorre Productions. The Big Bang Theory received mixed reviews from critics throughout its first season, but reception was more favorable in the second and third seasons. Later seasons saw a return to a lukewarm reception, with the show being criticized for a decline in comedic quality. Despite the mixed reviews, seven seasons of the show have ranked within the top ten of the final television season ratings; ultimately reaching the no. 1 spot in its eleventh season. The show was nominated for the Emmy Award for Outstanding Comedy Series from 2011 to 2014 and won the Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series four times for Jim Parsons. It has so far won 7 Emmy Awards from 46 nominations. Parsons also won the Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Television Comedy Series in 2011. The series has so far won 56 awards from 216 nominations. It has also spawned a prequel series in 2017 based on Parsons' character, Sheldon Cooper, named Young Sheldon, which originally aired on CBS.

Genre: Comedy
Year:
2007
33,818 Views

Sheldon Cooper:
I don't mean to be rude or discourteous, but before we begin, I'd just like to say there is absolutely no scientific evidence to support clairvoyance of any kind. Which means again, no insult intended, that you're a fraud, your profession is a swindle and your livelihood is depended upon the gullibility of stupid people. But again, no offense.

Penny:
Sheldon, ask your question.

Sheldon Cooper:
OK, I just did. What was it?

Penny:
Oh, for God sakes. Look he's a physicist who trying to figure out what his next field of study should be.

Sheldon Cooper:
For your information I was asking her about the next Star Trek movie.

Penny:
I can answer that one. I'll be bored.

Ms. Davora:
All right. Why don't we begin? Your spirit guide is telling me that there's a woman in your life that you're having problems with.

Sheldon Cooper:
That's an easy guess. I'm a clearly annoying person and have problems with both genders.

Ms. Davora:
I know. You clearly are. But I'm seeing a specific woman that you're in a romantic relationship with.

Penny:
Oh, oh. Here we go.

Sheldon Cooper:
The majority of people have dark hair. Even you at one time.

Ms. Davora:
Does she work in a similar field to you?

Sheldon Cooper, Penny:
Ha. The opposite. She's a neurobiologist, I'm a theoretical physicist. My spirit guide can go suck an egg.

Ms. Davora:
They're telling me that you have difficulty being close with her.

Penny:
Oh, he does. He so does. What should he do?

Ms. Davora:
He should give himself to this relationship. Once he does all his other pursuits will come into focus.

Penny:
Sheldon, did you hear that? Amy is the key to your happiness.

Ms. Davora:
Exactly. Personally and professionally everything will fall into place once you commit to her.

Sheldon Cooper:
Do you what this is? I reserve this word for those rear instances for it is truly deserving. This is malarkey.

Penny:
Wow. You really struck a nerve. I never heard him use the M word before.

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
[Amy, Bernadette, and Penny enter the comic store the guys often go to, and every male stops what they're doing and stares at them in shock] [Obviously uncomfortable] Why are they staring?

Amy Farrah Fowler:
Who cares? Just soak it in. [Then starts walking around, moving her hair from over her ear, then says the next line as if she were a 1940s girl talking to sailors] Hello boys.

Stuart Bloom:
[Comes out of the back room and sees the girls] Oh, hey. [Then notices all the guys looking at them] Would you please stop staring? They're just girls. It's nothing you haven't seen in movies or in drawings.

Penny:
Hey Stuart.

Stuart Bloom:
Well, what brings you girls here?

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
We were looking for a recommendation about comic books.

Stuart Bloom:
Oh, well, I recommend you don't open a store and sell them.

Penny:
No, we were wondering why the guys like the stuff so much, so we thought we'd give it a try.

Stuart Bloom:
[as he speaks the next line, some of the customers start looking at the girls again] Oh ok, well what do you think you might be in to? Superheroes? Fantasy? Graphic novels? Manga? [Turns on the others without taking a breath] I swear I will turn a hose on you! [They scatter]

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
What kind of comics do the guys like?

Stuart Bloom:
Um, a little bit of everything. Mostly superhero stuff.

Amy Farrah Fowler:
Alright, well who's the best superhero?

Stuart Bloom:
[Frantically] Shhhh! You can't ask a question like that in here? Are you trying to start a rumble?

Penny:
Well, what do you recommend?

Stuart Bloom:
Oh, well um, you got your basic clean-cut good guys, like Superman, Spider-Man, Captain America, then you got your darker "anti-heroes", like Batman, Wolverine, Punisher.

Amy Farrah Fowler:
Oooo, I do love a bad boy.

Penny:
[Matter-of-factly] As evidenced by your boyfriend and his fear of hamsters.

Stuart Bloom:
[Presenting a comic] If I were you, I'd go for Fables #1. The artwork is sophisticated, it's intelligently written, and it doesn't objectify or stereotype women.

Penny:
[Distracted by another comic] Oooo, Thor! He's hot!

Stuart Bloom:
Yeah, he kind of is.

[first lines]

Sheldon Cooper:
Fellow warriors, this is Sheldor the Conqueror. We are about to enter Atzel's Fortress; now, this is a long run so let's do another bladder check. All right, Barry, we'll wait for you again, but you really should see a doctor. [hears banging outside] Sheldor is AFK. [goes into hall] Penny, are you experiencing some sort of difficulty?

Penny:
Yes, I can't get my stupid door open.

Sheldon Cooper:
You appear to have put your car key in the door lock; are you aware of that?

Penny:
Yeah.

Sheldon Cooper:
All right, then.

Penny:
Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it!

Sheldon Cooper:
Would it be possible for you to do this a little more quietly?

Penny:
I can't get the damn key out.

Sheldon Cooper:
It's not surprising. That Baldwin lock on your door uses traditional edge-mounted cylinders, whereas the key for your Volkswagen uses a center cylinder system.

Penny:
Thank you, Sheldon!

Sheldon Cooper:
You're welcome. Point of inquiry: why did you put your car key in the door lock?

Penny:
Why? I'll tell you why. Because today I had an audition, it took me two hours to get there, I waited an hour for my turn, and before I could even start they told me I looked too Midwest for the part. Too Midwest? What the hell does that even mean?

Sheldon Cooper:
Well, the American Midwest was mostly settled by Scandinavian and Germanic peoples who, well they have a characteristic facial bone structure...

Penny:
I know what it means, Sheldon! God! You know, I have been in L.A. for almost two years now, and I haven't got a single acting job. I have accomplished nothing, haven't gotten a raise at work, haven't even had sex in six months, and just now when I was walking up those stairs a fly flew in my mouth and I ate it.

Sheldon Cooper:
Well, actually, insects are a dietary staple in many cultures, they're almost pure protein.

Penny:
[after the tale of Saturnalia] Okay, well, thank you for that, but I got you and Leonard a few silly neighbor gifts, so I'll just put them under my tree.

Sheldon Cooper:
Wait! You bought me a present?

Penny:
Uh-huh.

Sheldon Cooper:
Why would you do such a thing?

Penny:
I don't know. 'Cause its Christmas?

Sheldon Cooper:
Oh, Penny. I know you think you are being generous, but the foundation of gift giving is reciprocity. You haven't given me a gift. You've given me an obligation.

Howard Wolowitz:
Don't feel bad, Penny, it's a classic rookie mistake. My first Hanukah with Sheldon, he yelled at me for eight nights.

Penny:
Now, hey, it's okay. You don't have to get me anything in return.

Sheldon Cooper:
Of course I do. The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented by the gift you've given me. It's no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year.

Penny:
Okay, you know what? Forget it. I'm not giving you a present.

Sheldon Cooper:
No, it's too late. I see it. That elf sticker says, "To Sheldon." The die has been cast. The moving finger has writ. Hannibal has crossed the alps.

Howard Wolowitz:
[Raj then whispers into Howard's ear then they both laugh] I know. It's funny when it's not happening to us.

Penny:
[Exasperated] Sheldon, I am very, very sorry.

Sheldon Cooper:
No. No, I brought this on myself by being such an endearing and important part of your life.

[Turning to Howard and Raj]

Sheldon Cooper:
I'm going to need a ride to the mall.

Howard Wolowitz:
It's happening to us.

Leonard:
Do you wanna join us for Thai food and a Superman movie marathon?

Penny:
Wow, a marathon, how many Superman movies are there?

Sheldon:
You're kidding, right?

Penny:
You know, I do like the one where Lois Lane falls from the helicopter and Superman swooshes down and catches her. Which one was that?

Leonard, Sheldon, Wolowitz:
*One.*

[Raj holds up one finger]

Sheldon:
You know that scene was rife with scientific inaccuracy?

Penny:
Yes, I know men can't fly...

Sheldon:
No, no, let's assume that they can... Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32 feet per second per second... Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out two arms of steel... Miss Lane, who is now traveling at approximately 120 miles an hour, hits them and is immediately sliced into three equal pieces.

Leonard:
Unless Superman matches her speed and decelerates.

Sheldon:
In what space, sir, in what space? She's two feet above the ground. Frankly, if he really loved her, he'd let her hit the pavement. It'd be a more merciful death.

Leonard:
Well, excuse me! Your entire argument is predicated on the assumption that Superman's flight is a feat of strength.

Sheldon:
Are you listening to yourself? It is well established that Superman's flight is a feat of strength. It is an extension of his ability to leap tall buildings, an ability he derives from Earth's yellow sun!

Wolowitz:
And you don't have a problem with that? How does he fly at night?

Sheldon:
Uh, a combination of the Moon's solar reflection, and the energy storage capacity of Kryptonian skin cells.

Penny:
I'm just gonna go wash up.

Leonard:
I have 26 hundred comic books in there; I challenge you to find a single reference to "Kryptonian skin cells."

Sheldon:
Challenge accepted!

[walks to door]

Sheldon:
We're locked out...

Koothrappali:
Also, the pretty girl left.

Raj Koothrappali:
Howard and Bernadette, the five of us stand before you as your friends and newly ordained ministers.

Mrs. Wolowitz:
LOUDER!

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
They all got ordained. They're all marrying us. It's adorable. If you want to hear it, come closer.

Raj Koothrappali:
Guys. When I look at the two of you starting your lives together it fills... my heart... it fills my heart. Forget it, I need a minute.

Penny:
Okay, I'll, I'll go. Howard and Bernadette. I know you two planned on getting married in a big fancy wedding, but when you're in love in doesn't matter where or how these things happen. It just matters that you have each other.

Leonard Hofstadter:
Hmm.

Penny:
Problem?

Leonard Hofstadter:
No.

Sheldon Cooper:
I think the Revered Hofstader is making an ironic connection between your statement about love and your rejection of his proposal in the bedroom.

Penny:
Oh, grow up.

Leonard Hofstadter:
I didn't say it.

Amy Farrah Fowler:
That's enough from the both of you.

Penny:
Well, he started it.

Leonard Hofstadter:
Well, I'm ending it. Bernadette, I want to thank you for allowing me to be your maid of honor. I also want you to know that I will be happy to do it again if this marriage craps out.

Leonard Hofstadter:
Thank you, Amy. Very touching. Howard and Bernadette. You are lucky enough to be best friends who love each other and that's the strongest kind of love because at its core it has kindness, patience, and respect. Qualities that are hard to find in people these days.

Sheldon Cooper:
Would you like some aloe vera? You just got burned. All right, my turn. Howard. Bernadette.

[Klingon]

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
Sheldon! I told you no Klingon!

Sheldon Cooper:
Fine, I'll do it in English. But it loses something. The need to find another human being has to share one's life with has always puzzled me. Maybe because I am so interesting all by myself. With that being said, may *you* find as much happiness with each other as I find on my own. The Klingon would have made you cry.

Raj Koothrappali:
I believe you two have prepared vows.

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
Howard Joel Wolowitz, like you this is going to be short and sweet. I love you with all my heart and soul and promise to be with you forever.

Howard Wolowitz:
Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski.

Mrs. Wolowitz:
SPEAK UP!

Sheldon Cooper:
From now on she's the only woman whho can yell at me! Until I met you I couldn't imagine spending my life with just one person. And now, I can't imagine spending one day of it without you.

Raj Koothrappali, Penny, Leonard Hofstadter, Sheldon Cooper, Amy Farrah Fowler:
By the power vested in us by the state of California... [Sheldon only] and the Klingon High Council... we now pronounce you husband and wife.

[Howard and Bernadette are out on their first date]

Howard Wolowitz:
[Howard's cell phone rings with 'She Blinded Me With Science'] Damn, it's my mother.

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
Are you going to answer it?

Howard Wolowitz:
Well, I'm torn. She might be dying; you know, wouldn't want to miss that. On the other hand, if I let it go to voicemail, I could play it over and over.

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
I know how you feel. My mother makes me crazy.

Howard Wolowitz:
[laughs it off] Not as crazy as my mother makes me.

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
Oh, yeah? Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you've had a healthy lunch?

Howard Wolowitz:
My mother calls me at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
Okay, well does she lay out your clothes for you in the morning, like you're nine years old?

Howard Wolowitz:
You live with your mother?

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
No. That's the sad part.

Howard Wolowitz:
Oh. Okay, check this out. My mother made me wear rubber gloves to kindergarten so I wouldn't pick up a disease from the other children.

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
That's nothing. I couldn't ride a bicycle 'cause my mother was afraid I'd hit a bump and lose my virginity.

Howard Wolowitz:
Oh, wow. You didn't, did you?

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
Not on a bicycle. In a Camry.

Howard Wolowitz:
Corolla! More wine?

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
I'd love some.

Howard Wolowitz:
Listen, you have to come to shabbos dinner at my house sometime.

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
Why?

Howard Wolowitz:
Well, a Catholic girl like you wearing a big cross like that might just give my mother the big brain aneurysm I've been hoping for.

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
Okay. But only if you come to Sunday dinner at my house wearing a yarmulke.

Howard Wolowitz:
It's a date. [they laugh and clink wine glasses]

Penny:
Am I a matchmaker or what?

Leslie Winkle:
Howard, I got the approval for the rapid prototyper you wanted.

Howard Wolowitz:
That's great, Leslie, thanks.

Leslie Winkle:
You scratch my back, I scratch your back. Meow!

Rajesh Koothrappali:
What was all that about?

Howard Wolowitz:
Oh, uh, no big deal, they gave Leslie control over some unrestricted grant money.

Leonard Hofstadter:
Yeah, okay, but what's with the "back scratching" and the "meow."

Sheldon Cooper:
I believe the "back scratching" metaphor generally describes a quid pro quo situation where one party provides goods or services to second party in compensation for a similar action.

Leonard Hofstadter:
[sarcastically] Thank you.

Sheldon Cooper:
The "meow." That sounded to me like an African civet cat.

Leonard Hofstadter:
Are you done?

Sheldon Cooper:
No. Despite what the name suggests, the civet cat, is not a true cat.

[pause]

Sheldon Cooper:
Now I'm done.

Rajesh Koothrappali:
You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking, Howard wasn't making a back scratching metaphor. I'm thinking there was some actual scratching involved.

Leonard Hofstadter:
What about it, Howard?

Howard Wolowitz:
Okay, I didn't want to say anything, cause I know you and Leslie have a little... history.

Leonard Hofstadter:
I don't care about that.

Howard Wolowitz:
Great, 'cause I've been dying to say something.

Leonard Hofstadter:
You and Leslie?

Howard Wolowitz:
In the paintball shed! Twice!

Sheldon Cooper:
Is that why you didn't cover our escape, and let us get cut down like animals?

Howard Wolowitz:
Oh yeah, sorry about that.

Sheldon Cooper:
My good man, dereliction of duty in the face of the enemy is a court martial offense.

Howard Wolowitz:
Court martial, schmort martial. Leslie Winkle is the fifth girl I've ever had sex with! [pause] I mean for free.

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
Raj, this dinner was amazing. If you're here much longer, I'm going to have to buy bigger clothes.

Raj Koothrappali:
Nonsense. You need a little fattening up. You've been looking too skinny lately.

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
Ah. Howie, how come you never say anything sweet like that?

Howard Wolowitz:
What are you talking about? Remember last week when I asked you if you were wearing Spanx and you weren't? How's that different?

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
Maybe you could try being more thoughtful like your friend Raj.

Howard Wolowitz:
Yeah, well, maybe you could try being more like Raj.

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
Oh, really?

Howard Wolowitz:
Yeah, yeah. He packed me a lunch this morning and there was a note inside that said "Go get 'em."

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
Like I don't do enough around here? Now I need to pack your lunch? And by the way, why do you need a note to telling you to "Go got 'em"? You're a grown man; you should know to "Go get 'em."

Howard Wolowitz:
I do know to "Go get'em", but sometimes it's nice to have emotional support when I'm going and getting them.

Raj Koothrappali:
Hey. Hey. Do you hear yourselves? No more. Calm down and take a step back.

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
This is stupid. Why are we fighting?

Howard Wolowitz:
I don't know. I guess I was just feeling like I'm a lousy husband.

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
You're not a lousy husband. You're a great husband. I was the one feeling like a lousy wife.

Howard Wolowitz:
Are you kidding? You're the best! I know what the problem is; it's him.

Raj Koothrappali:
Whoa. What did I do?

Howard Wolowitz:
You made us feel like we're not trying hard enough.

Raj Koothrappali:
Yeah. We were totally fine half-assing our marriage 'til you showed up.

Raj Koothrappali:
Look, I'm sorry you're upset with me, but I just have to say it's nice to see the two of you on the same page.

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
It does feel good to have you backing me up for once.

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
I back you up all the time.

Howard Wolowitz:
That is- He's doing it again!

Bernadette Rostenkowski:
What is wrong with you?

Howard Wolowitz:
[Leonard, Sheldon, Howard & Raj are on their laptops playing an online role playing game] All right, just a few more feet and... [pause] Here we are gentlemen, the Gates Of Elzebub.

Sheldon:
Good lord!

Leonard:
Don't panic, this is what the last 97 hours have been about.

Howard Wolowitz:
Stay frosty. There's a horde of armed goblins on the other side of that gate guarding the Sword Of Azeroth.

Leonard:
Warriors, unsheathe your weapons. Magic wielders, raise your wands.

Sheldon:
Lock and load.

Howard Wolowitz:
Raj, blow the gates.

Raj Koothrappali:
Blowing the gates. [pressing keys] Control, shift, B. [sound of the gates blowing] Oh my God, so many goblins!

Howard Wolowitz:
Don't just stand there, slash and move! Slash and move!

Leonard:
Stay in formation!

Howard Wolowitz:
Leonard, you've got one on your tail!

Leonard:
That's all right, my tail's prehensile, I'll swat him off!

Raj Koothrappali:
I got him Leonard. Tonight, I spice my meat with goblin blood!

Leonard:
Raj, no, it's a trap! Thay're flanking us!

Raj Koothrappali:
[in a wimpy tone] Oh, he's got me.

Howard Wolowitz:
Sheldon, he's got Raj, use your sleep spell! Sheldon! [changes to an annoyed whisper] Sheldon!

Sheldon:
I've got the Sword Of Azeroth!

Leonard:
Forget the sword Sheldon, help Raj.

Sheldon:
There is no more Sheldon! I am the sword master!

Howard Wolowitz:
Leonard look out!

Leonard:
Damn it man, we're dying here!

Sheldon:
Goodbye peasents.

Leonard:
The bastard teleported.

Raj Koothrappali:
[looks at Sheldon's screen] He's selling the sword of Azeroth on eBay.

Leonard:
You betrayed us for money? Who are you?

Raj Koothrappali:
Oh boy, well, Sheldon's going to freak out!

Leonard Hofstadter:
Yeah, he worships Hawking.

Howard Wolowitz:
I was actually thinking of bringing him along when I go over there so he can meet the great man.

Raj Koothrappali:
It's really nice of you, Howard.

Howard Wolowitz:
It's no big deal.

Leonard Hofstadter:
Boy, a restraining order from Stephen Hawking. It'll look so nice next to the ones he's already got from Leonard Nimoy, Carl Sagan, and Stan Lee.

Sheldon Cooper:
Leonard, do you recall when I said that I was going to revolutionize humanity's understanding of the Higgs boson particle and you said "Sheldon, it's 2 a.m., get out of my bedroom!"?

Leonard Hofstadter:
Like it was 10 hours ago. What about it?

Sheldon Cooper:
Well, I believe I've done it. Now, I'm only saying "believe" to sound modest, because Sweet-Sam-Houston, I did it.

Leonard Hofstadter:
Really?

Raj Koothrappali:
That's incredible! Oh, here! Breakout the math.

Sheldon Cooper:
Oh, okay, let me see this.

[Starts writing]

Sheldon Cooper:
Alright! So, this particle here, is the boson, moving forward in time. Now, I was thinking...

[pauses]

Sheldon Cooper:
Howard, you go ahead and eat. This isn't going to make any sense to you.

Howard Wolowitz:
Sheldon, I have a working understanding of Physics.

Sheldon Cooper:
Yeah, good for you! Don't stop working on it.

Raj Koothrappali:
You still going to tell him about you-know-who?

Howard Wolowitz:
Yep.

Leonard Hofstadter:
Still going to introduce him?

Howard Wolowitz:
Not on your life!

Howard Wolowitz:
Well, that's it. My orders have been rescinded; I am officially no-go to space.

Leonard Hofstadter:
I'm sorry, Howard. But I gotta tell you, I'm a little relieved you're not going.

Howard Wolowitz:
Why?

Leonard Hofstadter:
Come on, you were gonna go up in a rocket designed in the 1960s by the Russians.

Howard Wolowitz:
Yeah, so?

Leonard Hofstadter:
When was the last time you were at Best Buy and you heard someone say, "Ooh, check out this Blu-Ray player, it must be good, it was built in Russia."?

Howard Wolowitz:
Well, their technology isn't that bad.

Raj Koothrappali:
When you come back to Earth in a Soyuz capsule, you free fall, from space, at 500 miles per hour, and the only thing that slows you down is a little parachute that pops out right before you crash into the ground. And the whole thing was designed by the same brilliant minds who were unable to capture Rocky and Bullwinkle.

Howard Wolowitz:
Right, well, whatever. I wasn't worried.

Raj Koothrappali:
You weren't?

Howard Wolowitz:
Let me explain the difference between you and me. You watch Star Trek; I live it.

Raj Koothrappali:
Oh, please, I don't remember the episode of Star Trek where the guy never goes to space, and brags about it in a tuxedo store.

Howard Wolowitz:
Make all the jokes you want, but there's only one of us here brave enough to almost do what I almost did.

Sheldon Cooper:
Ah, much better!

Leonard Hofstadter:
You must be burning up

Sheldon Cooper:
A little. But not more than your urethras will be after whatever's in those pants swims up them. Well, I cut quite the dashing yet hygienic figure, don't I? I look like The Flash, about to get married. Oh, a tissue! A tissue! Oh, good Lord!

[Runs outside]

Jimmy:
Uh, where is he going?

Leonard Hofstadter:
He keeps emergency Purell in the car.

Sheldon Cooper:
I must say, I was surprised you chose to spend our Date Night in your apartment. As I mentioned, the Pasadena City Council is debating longer crosswalk times, and later the Lego store is having a Midnight Madness Sale. You ask anyone, that's a hot date.

Amy Farrah Fowler:
Tempting choices but, I have something special planned for tonight.

Sheldon Cooper:
What can be more special than having an adequate amount of time to cross the street on your way to buy a tiny Lego Indiana Jones?

Amy Farrah Fowler:
With our friends moving forward in their relationships, I have decided that we should make progress in ours as well.

Sheldon Cooper:
Dear Lord! Two years ago we didn't even know each other. And now, I'm in your apartment after dark. How much faster can this thing go?

Amy Farrah Fowler:
I had a feeling you'd be reluctant which is why I'm going to dip into my neurobiological bag of tricks.

Sheldon Cooper:
Oh! You brain monkeys kill me. Dip away.

Amy Farrah Fowler:
I've devised an experiment that I believe will increase your feelings for me, in an accelerated time frame.

Sheldon Cooper:
Well, how do you propose to do that? I hope you're not thinking about some sort of LSD thought control. Because there's only one mind-expanding drug that this man enjoys, and that's called school.

Amy Farrah Fowler:
Human beings form emotional attachments as they grow up. In your case, to your mother, superheroes, etc. I'm going to attempt an experiment that will get you to transfer those feelings to me.

Sheldon Cooper:
Well, seems what's on the menu tonight is malarkey, with a big side of poppycock.

Amy Farrah Fowler:
We'll see. Let's start with a little romantic dinner music, shall we?

Sheldon Cooper:
Super Mario Bros. theme?

Amy Farrah Fowler:
Yes.

Sheldon Cooper:
I see what you're doing. You're attempting to build on the work of Ebbinghaus by triggering an involuntary memory of me playing that game. Admittedly the happiest 600 hours of my childhood. But it won't work!

Amy Farrah Fowler:
Fine! There's no reason we still can't have a lovely dinner. Why don't you have a seat.

[Sheldon hums the background music, while Amy smiles]

Amy Farrah Fowler:
May I offer you something to drink?

Sheldon Cooper:
You know I don't drink.

Amy Farrah Fowler:
Not even strawberry Quik?

Sheldon Cooper:
I love strawberry Quik. It's my favorite pink fluid. Narrowly beating out Pepto-Bismol.

Amy Farrah Fowler:
Oh, I know. I think it will go nicely with what I have prepared for dinner.

Sheldon Cooper:
Spaghetti with little pieces of hot dog cut up in it!

Amy Farrah Fowler:
Just like your mommy used to make.

Sheldon Cooper:
Oh! Yummy yummy! We should do this more often.