The Black Cauldron

Gurgi:
Oh, poor miserable Gurgi deserves fierce smackings and whackings on his poor, tender head. Always left with no munchings and crunchings.

Eilonwy:
I'm Princess Eilonwy. Are you a lord, or a warrior?

Taran:
Uh, no. Uh... I-I-I'm an assistant pig keeper.

Eilonwy:
Oh, what a pity. I was so hoping for someone who could help me escape. Oh, well, if you want to come with me, you may.

Eilonwy:
Oh, Taran, I'm afraid it'll soon be over for us.

Taran:
I hadn't planned it to end like this, Eilonwy.

Fflewddur Fflam:
Oh, I wish I'd stayed a toad.

Gurgi:
If great lord go into evil castle, poor Gurgi will never see his friend again. Nope. Never.

Fflewddur Fflam:
I'm Fflewddur Fflam, minstrel of minstrels! Balladeer to the grandest courts in all the land!

[harp string snaps]

Fflewddur Fflam:
And I, uh, eh? Eh, well, have you forgotten? I have sung in some of the finest courts...

[another string snaps]

Fflewddur Fflam:
Well, I'm only waiting for an invitation.

[another one snaps]

Fflewddur Fflam:
Oh, shush. Why do you have to judge every word I say?

Orddu:
My, what funny little ducklings. Don't they know that the Black Cauldron is indestructible? Now listen carefully. The Black Cauldron can never be destroyed. Only its evil powers can be stopped.

Taran:
Then there is a way. But how?

Orddu:
A living being must climb into it of its own free will.

Gurgi:
Gurgi is bold and brave. He will climb into the evil cauldron.

Orddu:
However, the poor duckling will never climb out alive.

Gurgi:
[jumping away from the cauldron] Yikes!

Dallben:
Hen Wen, from you, I do beseech / Knowledge that lies beyond my reach / Troubled thoughts beyond your heart / Pray you now, those thoughts impart.

The Horned King:
Oh my soldiers... Soon the Black Cauldron will be mine. Its evil power will course through my veins, and I shall make you Cauldron Born. Yes. Yes. Oh, yes. Then you will worship me! Me... Oh, my soldiers. How long I have thirsted to be a god among mortal men.

Taran:
Have you seen my pig?

Gurgi:
Piggy? Round, fat piggy? Big snout?

[snorts]

Taran:
Yes, yes.

Gurgi:
Curly tail?

Taran:
That's her! That's Hen-Wen!

Gurgi:
Uh-uh, Nope. Gurgi not seen piggy. Nope.

Orddu:
It's decided, then. You shall have the Black Cauldron.

Eilonwy:
You mean, you'll give it to us?

Orddu:
That's not what I said. You weren't listening. We never give anything away. What we do is bargain, trade.

Taran:
Well, you'll not have my sword!

Eilonwy:
Weren't you a bit frightened, Fflewdurr?

Fflewddur Fflam:
A Fflam frightened? That word is not in my vocabulary.

[harp strings vibrate; Fflewddur stops them]

Fflewddur Fflam:
But in this case, well chosen, my dear.

Creeper:
Oh, I'm sorry. I've ignored you. You did come for the Black Cauldron, didn't you? Good. Then climb in! It will only cost you your life.

Taran:
What does a girl know about swords, anyway?

Eilonwy:
"Girl"? "Girl"? If it wasn't for this *girl*, you would still be in the Horned King's dungeon.

[Gurgi is hugging Fflewddur Fflam, who thinks he is being attacked]

Fflewddur Fflam:
Help! Get this thing off me!

Gurgi:
Oh, Gurgi's happy day! [Gurgi puts on Fflewddur's hat] Wow!

Fflewddur Fflam:
Yes, keep it! It's a gift!

Gurgi:
[Holding Fflewddur's harp] This! Gurgi want this!

Fflewddur Fflam:
Take it! I'm sure you've murdered for less.

Gurgi:
No, master. Not go into evil cauldron.

Taran:
If I don't, we're all lost. Out of my way.

Gurgi:
Gurgi not let his friend die. Taran has many friends. Gurgi has no friends.

Taran:
No, Gurgi! Don't jump! No!

[Gurgi jumps into Cauldron]

Taran:
No!

Orddu:
We have business with your little hero.

Taran:
Hero? Gurgi was the hero.

Orddu:
The only thing that mattered to you was the Cauldron, but now it is of no use to you. So we shall take it and be on our way.

Fflewddur Fflam:
Stay your hand, ladies. We never give anything away. We bargain, we trade. Remember?

Orddu:
Did these old ears hear the word "bargain"?

Fflewddur Fflam:
Yes, Madam, your old ears heard right.

Orwen:
Oh, I just adore forceful men.

Fflewddur Fflam:
Oh, pull yourself together, Madam.

The Horned King:
I presume, my boy, you are the keeper of this oracular pig.

Taran:
[to a goat] His majesty, the Horned King. So we meet at last. Ha!

[Taran rattles the goat's horns with his stick]

Taran:
Even the Horned King shakes with fear. See, Hen? Everyone runs from the famous Taran of Cael Dallben.

[the goat butts Taran and knocks him down]

Taran:
[pretending to die] Prydain's finest warrior draws his last breath.

[as the army of the dead collapses]

The Horned King:
This had better not be your fault!

[grabs Creeper by the neck]

Creeper:
Perhaps it just needs another body, Sire.

The Horned King:
Yes. *Yours*!

Taran:
I'm not afraid of the Horned King.

Dallben:
Then you are a very foolish lad. Untried courage is no match for his evil. Just remember that.

Taran:
For your sake, you'd better be telling the truth.

Gurgi:
Gurgi not lie. Not this time.

Gurgi:
[offering Orddu an apple core] Gurgi will trade his munchings and crunchings.

Orddu:
Who would want...?

Orgoch:
Hold it, sister! Not so fast! [takes core and eats it]

[as he activates the Black Cauldron]

The Horned King:
Now I call on my Army of the Dead; the Cauldron-born! Arise, my messengers of death! Our time has arrived!

Horned King:
Get up you fools! KILL!

Creeper:
Look sire! Look! It’s the pig boy! It’s his fault! [Laughing] He’s the cause of it! Horned King: You’ve interfered for the last time! Creeper: [Giggling] Go for his throat, sire!

Horned King:
NOW PIGKEEPER, YOU SHALL DIE!

Creeper:
I did it, sire! I captured the boy.

The Horned King:
But you let the pig get away, didn't you?

Creeper:
I-It wasn't my fault. [Horned King strangles Creeper]

The Horned King:
Throw the boy in the dungeon!

The Horned King:
You bring news of the pig?

Creeper:
N-n-not exactly, sire. It's the pig keeper. He-he-he's... escaped. [the Horned King summons Creeper forward]

Creeper:
Oh, no! Allow me, sire. [Strangles himself] Isn't that enough, sire?

Eilonwy:
Aren't you charming?

Gurgi:
And pungent, too.

King Eidilleg:
Tell me. Is the burning and killing still going on up there?

Fflewddur Fflam:
You're refering to that-that-that-that joke on humanity, the Horned King.

King Eidilleg:
Will no one stand up to him?

Taran:
We've seen him. And if he ever finds the Black Cauldron, he'll kill us all.

King Eidilleg:
Oh, no. He'll never find it. It's safely hidden, in Morva.

Taran:
Morva?

King Eidilleg:
At least I think it is. Isn't it, Doli?

Doli:
[Angry] What? Is that one of my new jobs? Knowing where the Cauldron was last seen?

King Eidilleg:
Don't worry. He'll find it. You'll see.

[first lines]

Narrator:
Legend has it, in the mystic land of Prydain, there was once a king so cruel and so evil, that even the Gods feared him. Since no prison could hold him, he was thrown alive into a crucible of molten iron. There his demonic spirit was captured in the form of a great, black cauldron. For uncounted centuries, the black cauldron lay hidden, waiting, while evil men searched for it, knowing whoever possessed it would have the power to resurrect an army of deathless warriors... and with them, rule the world.

Dallben:
So much so soon, to rest on his young shoulders.

The Horned King:
My, what a brave, handsome group. A pig keeper, a scullery maid, and a broken-down minstrel. Perhaps it would interest you to see what fate has in store for you.

The Horned King:
[as he is being sucked into the Black Cauldron] No! You'll not have me! My power cannot die! Curse you!

[repeated line]

Fflewddur Fflam:
Great Belin!

[upon finding Gurgi harrasing a fallen Flewddur]

Taran:
[angry] Gurgi!

Gurgi:
Master? Uh... old man, uh... fell down!

[nudges Flewddur]

Gurgi:
Get up! Get up!

Taran:
I wasn't afraid!

Eilonwy:
Not afraid?! Why, we were running for our lives!

Taran:
Well, I got us out of the castle, didn't I?

Eilonwy:
You?! I'd say it was the sword's magic.

Taran:
But it takes a great warrior to handle a sword like this!

Eilonwy:
But still, it is a magic sword!

Taran:
Humph! What does a girl know about swords anyway?!

Eilonwy:
Girl? Girl?! If it weren't for this, girl, you would still be in the Horned King's dungeon!

Fflewddur:
Here now, now. Princess Eilonwy, Taran–

Eilonwy:
Well at least I don't keep talking about it forever! Oh, you're so, so bored!

Fflewddur:
Princess Eilonwy!

Eilonwy:
How dare you take his side!

Fflewddur:
Well I really didn't mean to-to-to... interfere, heh, heh!

Taran:
Silly girl! Even if she is a princess!

Fflewddur:
We are going to have to- to to... Oh, dear.

Fflewddur:
So nice to meet you ladies. Uh, goodbye!

Orwen:
Wait! My, aren't you the handsome one!

Fflewddur:
Who? Who? M-m-m-m-m, me?!

Orwen:
Oh, honestly now! Don't you find me irresistible?

Fflewddur:
Yes. Quite so! [harp string snaps] Sush! Stop that!

Eilonwy:
No, Taran! No!

Taran:
[to Eilonwy] It's our only chance! [to Orddu, sadly] Here is my sword. Take it!

Orddu:
This is your own choice, duckling. Remember, with this sword you could be the greatest of warriors!

Taran:
Yes. I offer you my dearest possession, in exchange for the Black Cauldron.

Orddu:
Agreed! We have made a bargain.

Taran:
Doli's right. It's my fault. I let you down. Without my sword, I'm nothing. I'm just an assistant pig-keeper.

Eilonwy:
Look, you are somebody. You must believe in yourself. I believe in you.

Taran:
You... you do? And I think that you're... [holds her hands] Uh, I mean... That is.... [draws his hands away in embarrassment]

Eilonwy:
Yes, Taran?

Taran:
What I mean is that I'm grateful. For all of you. You've been true friends.

Taran:
I'm not a warrior. I'm a pig-boy. What would I do with a sword?

Orddu:
[grabbing the sword back] Absolutely nothing!

Taran:
But I would trade...

All Three Witches:
Yes?

Taran:
...the Cauldron for Gurgi.

Orwen:
Oh, dear!

Orddu:
It's not possible!

Fflewddur:
Just as I thought, ladies! You've got no real power! Admit it! Admit it!

[Insulted by Fflewddur's remarks, the witches circle around the Cauldron in a whirlwind of white light, leaving Gurgi'b unconscious body behind.]

Orddu:
We have made a bargain! [laughing]

Gurgi:
Muchings and crunchings in here somewhere.

Taran:
[surprised] Gurgi! You-You're alive!

Dallben:
You did well, my boy!

Gurgi:
No! Gurgi will not let his friend die! [sadly] Taran has many friends. Gurgi has no friends.

Creeper:
Welcome, your majesty! We're celebrating our success! I-I-I mean your success! We've made no mistakes this time!

Horned King:
My, such a brave and handsome crew. A pig-boy, a scullery maid and a broken-down minstrel. Perhaps it may interest you to see what fate has in store for you. [laughs and lifts up a skeleton] Now I call upon my army of the dead - the Cauldron-Born. [lowers the skeleton into the Black Cauldron] Arise, my messengers of death! Our hour has arrived!

Horned King:
My beloved warriors have come to life. All the dead of centuries past - never has anyone created an army like this! Go forth, my deathless warriors! Destroy all in your path!

Horned King:
[to Taran] You've interfered for the last time! Now, pig-keeper, you shall die!

Horned King:
[to Taran] No! You'll not escape! You will satisfy the Cauldron's hunger!

Fflewddur:
You're making a horrendous mistake! I'm not a spy! I'm a bard! I sing! Uh, I entertain! Oh, careful sir, these are the hands of an artist!

Fflewddur:
May I ask you ladies to perhaps consider this magnificent harp?