The Brady Bunch

Jan Brady:
Well, all day long at school I hear how great Marcia is at this or how wonderful Marcia did that! Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

Bobby Brady:
Mom always says not to play ball in the house!

Marcia Brady:
From now on, I'm beautiful and noble; I'm Juliet!

Cindy Brady:
I'm not a snitcher; I just tell it like it is.

Carol Ann Brady:
Jan, I think you may need glasses.

Jan Brady:
Glasses! Oh, no, mom! Not glasses! They'll make me look absolutely positively goofy!

Alice Nelson:
If there's anything I can't stand, it's a perfect kid. And SIX of 'em, yecch!

Marcia Brady:
Ooh! My nose!

Marcia Brady:
It's so beneficial for me to be away from those children in junior high and to be with people of my own mature growth. I'm looking forward to the intellectual stimulation. Nice meeting you boys. Bye.

Jan Brady:
Lovely. Lovely. Isn't it just absolutely just lovely?

Jan Brady:
I'd like to buy a wig please.

Saleswoman:
Not for yourself. Why would you want to cover such beautiful blonde hair?

Jan Brady:
You'd understand if you had two blonde sisters at home.

Saleswoman:
Oh, so we want a complete change do we?

Jan Brady:
Yes ma'me.

Saleswoman:
Ok. What kind of style are you looking for?

Jan Brady:
I don't know. Something wild. Kooky. Kinda like something you're wearing.

Saleswoman:
This is my own hair.

Jan Brady:
Oh! I'm so sorry!

Saleswoman:
Not half as sorry as I am.

[Carol walks into Mike's den to show off her new ensemble for their weekend vacation at a dude ranch]

Carol Ann Brady:
What are you going to wear, Mike?

Michael 'Mike' Brady:
Oh I don't know... my cowboy boots...

Carol Ann Brady:
[in her best John Wayne impression] Well ya better wear somethin' else, or you're gonna get arrested!

Michael 'Mike' Brady:
Not to mention sunburn!

Kathy Lawrence:
[shouts] F-f-fil,l-l-lmo, o-o-ore, Fillmore Junior High!

Marcia Brady:
[Marcia lost her Diary and is accusing one of the boys of taking it] Okay, if you hand it right over, I won't press charges

Greg Brady:
What are you talking about?

Marcia Brady:
As if you didn't know.

Peter Brady:
Bobby, do you know what she's talking about?

Bobby Brady:
No. Greg, do you know what she's talking about?

Greg Brady:
No. Marcia, do you know what you're talking about?

Marcia Brady:
I certainly do, someone in this room took my diary.

Greg Brady:
Your diary, you mean you actually keep one of those stupid things?

Bobby Brady:
What's a diary?

Peter Brady:
It's a book, that you write things, that you don't want anyone else to know.

Bobby Brady:
Why?

Greg Brady:
So, you could write stuff like [Greg then sits at his desk imitating Marcia writing in her diary] "Dear diary, at last I met him, my dream man, it was at the delicatessen and our fingers tingled as we reached over for the same potato salad." [the boys laugh]

Marcia Brady:
[shouts]I have never written any ridiculous thing like that in my diary!

Peter Brady:
You didn't?

Marcia Brady:
[shouts] I should say not!

Greg Brady:
Then, why are you afraid that somebody might read it?

Marcia Brady:
None of your business.

Carol Brady:
[exasperated] Oh, the peace and quiet of home.

[Greg and Marcia begin to argue heatedly in the background]

Bobby Brady:
That doesn't sound very quiet.

Cindy Brady:
And not very peace.

Marcia Brady:
Alice, are you a mind reader?

Alice Nelson:
Housekeeper. Same thing.

[Cindy and Peter are walking home, after school, but they are followed by numerous other school students]

Peter Brady:
Why are all these kids following us for? They don't walk home this way.

Cindy Brady:
I guess they wanted to watch.

Peter Brady:
Watch what?

Cindy Brady:
The fight.

Peter Brady:
How do they know there might be a fight?

Cindy Brady:
I guess, maybe I mentioned it.

Peter Brady:
Aw, Cindy!

[they all walk to Buddy Hinton's 'tree' and stop temporarily]

Buddy Hinton:
Well, if it isn't baby talk and the chicken again. Hey, chicken, let's hear you cackle.

Peter Brady:
Let's not start this again, Buddy.

Buddy Hinton:
I want to hear you cackle, chicken, come on.

[Buddy Hinton then started making clucking sounds, much like imitating a hen, when laying an egg]

Peter Brady:
That's dumb. Why not just cut out all the teasing?

Buddy Hinton:
Hey, baby talk. Itty-bitty, itsy-bitsy baby talk.

Peter Brady:
Cut it out.

Buddy Hinton:
What will you do about it?

Peter Brady:
Let's reason. Let's talk about it.

Buddy Hinton:
Shut up or fight!

Peter Brady:
Don't you want to talk about it?

Buddy Hinton:
You heard me! Shut up or fight!

Peter Brady:
Okay, if that's the way you want. I'm ready.

Buddy Hinton:
You asked for it!

[Peter ducked or avoided Buddy's attempted fist strike and then Peter successfully struck Buddy Hinton to the ground]

[Just after Buddy Hinton missed striking Peter and Peter knocked Buddy down to the ground]

Peter Brady:
Gee, Buddy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, really, I didn't.

Buddy Hinton:
You knocked my tooth loose.

Peter Brady:
I did what?

Buddy Hinton:
[lisping] It's looth. It's looth. Don't you see how it wiggles?

Cindy Brady:
You sure talk funny.

[Other students quickly start laughing at Buddy Hinton's lisping]

Buddy Hinton:
It's not funny.

Cindy Brady:
Baby talk, baby talk, it's a wonder you can walk.

[Other students laugh again again and even harder, forcing Buddy Hinton to quickly get up and runs away from everybody]

Mike Brady:
Well, Buddy, have you learned anything valuable from this experience?

Buddy Hinton:
I sure have, Mister Brady. Peter's got a good left hook.

Mike Brady:
Yeah, he has. [closing line]

Cindy Brady:
She sells seashells by the seashore. She sells seashells by the seashore. She sells seashells by the seashore.

Marcia Brady:
Cindy, would you mind practicing somewhere else? Arithmetic is kind of hard.

Cindy Brady:
So are S's.

Greg Brady:
Buddy could stand a good licking. Might stop him from being such a bully.

Bobby Brady:
Are you sure you can lick him?

Peter Brady:
Are you kiddin'?

Bobby Brady:
Well, last time he gave you a black eye.

Peter Brady:
That was just a lucky punch.

Greg Brady:
How many punches did he throw?

Peter Brady:
One.

Bobby Brady:
Boy, how lucky can you get?

Greg Brady:
Wait a minute. She said I should come alone. I guess she figures, 'cuz I'm the oldest, I must be the leader.

Buddy Berkman:
Oh, this guy's terrific. What a find! I hope he fits the suit.

Tami Cutler:
He will. I never miss.

Greg Brady:
[after quitting his Johnny Bravo persona, to his parents] They didn't want me. They wanted a robot.

[Jan Brady, was at the jewelry store, looking over the the silver platter, verbally read it]

Jan Brady:
Mom And Dad, Happy Anniversary, All Our Love, Greg, Marcia, Peter, Jan, Bobby and Cindy.

Marcia Brady:
Jan, how could you be so stupid?

Jethroe Collins:
I'm glad someone read my book, I thought I was the only one who bought a copy.

Mike Brady:
No, it was a very interesting book, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. No I think you're gonna be able to help us with our son, Bob.

Jethroe Collins:
I've been thinking over what you told me on the telephone. I feel sure I can straighten out that boy of yours.

Mike Brady:
I think you're going to find this gentleman very interesting, did you know that his father actually knew Jesse James?

Bobby Brady:
He did? Wow am I glad to meet you!

Jethroe Collins:
I hear Jesse's a hero of yours.

Bobby Brady:
I wrote a whole composition about him for school.

Jethroe Collins:
I wrote a whole book about Jesse James, only he wasn't a hero to me.

Bobby Brady:
He wasn't?

Jethroe Collins:
Nope, Jesse James killed my father.

Jethroe Collins:
Jesse James killed my father.

Bobby Brady:
He did?

Jethroe Collins:
Shot him in the back, that's how he usually shot them, too cowardly to face them I guess.

Bobby Brady:
I can't believe that, Mr. Collins.

Carol Brady:
He's telling the truth, Bobby.

Jethroe Collins:
Son, you know the legends, I know the facts.

Mike Brady:
Mr. Collins, why don't you tell Bob about how it was with your father?

Jethroe Collins:
Well, I was just a little boy at the time. My father was riding a train to California, Jesse James held it up.

Bobby Brady:
Did they have a shootout?

Jethroe Collins:
Well, wasn't much of a shootout, my father had his face to the wall, his hands in the air, and he wasn't wearing a gun.

Bobby Brady:
Then why'd Jesse shoot him?

Jethroe Collins:
Because that's the kind of man that Jesse James was, a mean dirty killer. My mother used to cry about it in her sleep. When I was old enough to understand, I used to have nightmares about it myself. Awful nightmares, about that train robbery.

Alice Nelson:
Salt, pepper... [reaches in cookie jar] cookies... cookies? [takes empty cookie box out of cupboard] Cookies! Salt, pepper, cookies, cookies, cookies! [writes down grocery list]

Carol Brady:
Alice, Mr. Brady and I have to go see the principal.

Mike Brady:
And we won't be gone long.

Alice Nelson:
Okay, Mr. Brady. [pause] Principal? Which principal? Elementary school, junior high, senior high? I wonder which kid has done what to who and where?

Mr. Hillary:
'My Hero by Robert Brady: My hero is a very famous man, just like Robin Hood and the 3 Musketeers. He was a great American, and his name is Jesse James.

Mike Brady:
Jesse James?

Carol Brady:
The outlaw?

Mr. Hillary:
It disturbs me when impressionable children like Bobby read books and see movies that glorify men like Jesse James, turn them into folk heroes. Jesse James was a cruel and vicious killer.

Carol Brady:
I'm really surprised at Bobby.

Mr. Hillary:
Well don't be, Mrs. Brady, look at what's happening today. The press writes stories about gangsters and skyjackers, they make them seem very glamorous in the eyes of the children.

Mike Brady:
Today's criminals will probably be tomorrow's folk heroes.

Mike Brady:
Bad news?

Carol Brady:
He didn't say, but when the principal calls, is it ever good news?

Bobby Brady:
You're supposed to be on the train.

Cindy Brady:
No I'm not, now I'm the posse hunting you down.

Cindy Brady:
[chasing Bobby into the kitchen where Alice is mopping] Jesse James, you're under arrest!

Bobby Brady:
No way, you can't arrest me here.

Cindy Brady:
Why not?

Bobby Brady:
I just crossed the Rio Grande River, THIS is Mexico.

Alice Nelson:
Well vamoose you caballeros, because all of Mexico is going to get mopped up.

Cindy Brady:
Why did I have to be born so young?

Greg Brady:
Mom's favorite vase!

Bobby Brady:
She always said, don't play ball in the house!

Carol Brady:
Mike?

Mike Brady:
Yeah.

Carol Brady:
Do you really think a bunch of women can save the park?

Mike Brady:
Honey, a stirred-up bunch of women can save almost anything... except maybe money.

Marcia Brady:
[imitating a ghost voice, speaking from a tape recorder inside an old trunk in the attic] I feel warm, very warm. Air! I must have air! Let me out, I must get out! I'm burning up! I've got to get out. I must have air! Give me air! Ohhh, ooooh, let me out! [trunk opens] I'm burning up. I must rise, and walk the night! [plastic bag floats out of trunk] I'm free, I'm free at last!

Alice Nelson:
Maybe I left one of my nightgowns out on the line, that'd scare anybody.

Alice Nelson:
I said all along it was a sucker's bet.

Greg Brady:
You said they [the girls] were the sucker.

Alice Nelson:
Anybody who believes in a ghost is a sucker.

Carol Brady:
[after Alice destroys the bust of Mike's head because the kids scared her] Like I said, fun is fun, but if you're not careful, someone can get hurt.

Bobby Brady:
We never thought it would be dad's head.

Carol Brady:
[she and Mike hop out of bed] Well here we go, round two of the battle of the ghost!

Greg Brady:
[trying to think of something that'll scare Alice] What about vampires?

Alice Nelson:
Oh vampires are a pain in the neck. [laughs] That's pretty good.

Marcia Brady:
What about werewolves?

Alice Nelson:
All bark and no bite. [laughs again]

Bobby Brady:
Geez, I can't wait to get started. Grand Canyon! Wow!

Mike Brady:
Well, it's not just the canyon, Bob. Now we can learn all about the Indian tribes that live there like the Havasupai, the Hopi, the Hualapai, the Navajo.

Peter Brady:
How'd they get such strange names?

Mike Brady:
Well, each name means something, Pete. Like Havasupai, for instance, means "Great People of Blue-Green Running Water."

Bobby Brady:
How about my name, Dad? Does Bobby mean anything?

Peter Brady:
Yeah. It means little man with great, big running mouth!

Michael 'Mike' Brady:
[Calling out to the kids who are lost in the canyons] BOBBY? CINDY?

Greg Brady:
How old are you?

Bobby Brady:
Eleven.

Greg Brady:
It's amazing.

Bobby Brady:
What is?

Greg Brady:
How anyone could get so stupid in such a short time!

Cindy Brady:
I'm sure glad Greg didn't get hurt. It would have ruined our picnic tomorrow!

Alice Nelson:
Well, that's certainly looking on the bright side of things!

Jan Brady:
Well all I hear all day long at school is how great Marcia is at this or how wonderful Marcia did that, Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

Jan Brady:
How come everybody is so nice to me all of a sudden?

Cindy Brady:
Cause we're supposed to be.

Jan Brady:
What do you mean 'supposed to be'?

Cindy Brady:
We're supposed to be nice to you until you get over your problem. Then we can forget about you again.

Peter Brady:
"Hark!"

Jan Brady:
"Who goes there?"

Alice Nelson:
Romeo and Juliet's such a sad play.

Carol Brady:
Yeah.

Mike Brady:
It's no musical comedy.

Carol Brady:
Alice, which part did you think was the saddest?

Alice Nelson:
Well, the part where Romeo dies is sad. But where Juliet died is sad too. But I think the saddest part of all is when Jan said "Who goes there" before Peter said "Hark".

Mike Brady:
Jan's allergic to Tiger... and I'm afraid, boys, that they cannot live together in the same house.

Peter Brady:
Aw Dad.

Greg Brady:
That's terrible.

Bobby Brady:
Where's Jan gonna live?

Alice Nelson:
[taking Tiger out of Jan's room] Come on, Kachoo King!

Carol Brady:
Stick out your tongue, let me check your throat.

Jan Brady:
Oh mother, you've already checked it six thousand times.

Carol Brady:
Well this will make six thousand and one.

Bobby Brady:
Thanks, Cindy. If you weren't a girl, I'd kiss you!

Greg Brady:
[catches himself beginning to go overboard again about baseball, and comes back to reality] Why didn't you stop me, Dad?

Mike Brady:
[confidently] Because I think you just proved you're smart enough to stop yourself.

[Unknown to the other, Mike and Carol are both reading in different parts of the house, Mike on cooking about which he knows nothing, and Carol on baseball about which she knows nothing]

Carol Brady:
Men on first and third with one out, the batter must...

Mike Brady:
...pour a cup of vinegar into...

Carol Brady:
...the catcher's mitt. This is the best way to hide the signals from...

Mike Brady:
...the salt and pepper. Always make sure to properly season every...

Carol Brady:
...umpire. He must not allow the pitcher to touch his fingers to his...

Mike Brady:
...pot. Always remember that too many onions or too much garlic...

Carol Brady:
...will keep the shortstop away from the third baseman.

Carol Brady:
I knew something like this was going to happen, Bobby!

Greg Brady:
Well, why didn't you tell ME?

Carol Brady:
Oh Mike. Thank goodness you saved the cake!

Peter Brady:
[misses shot in game of pool] Aww! This cue stick must be crooked!

Greg Brady:
You're game's not improving but your alibis are.

Bobby Brady:
How come girls do dumb things and they don't even know it's dumb?

Peter Brady:
'Cause they're dumb!

Cindy Brady:
I still don't see why we all can't go.

Carol Brady:
Honey, the initiation ceremony is just for the Frontier Scouts.

Jan Brady:
But this is a big victory for us girls. From now on, we'll be treated the same as boys.

Alice Nelson:
At your age, that's victory. At mine it's defeat.

Peter Brady:
Pork chops, and applesauce.

Carol Brady:
[reviewing with Mike the sleeping bags airing out on the backyard grass] Well, I know the boys aired these out, Mike, but they still seem a little dusty to me.

Mike Brady:
Yeah. Well, I got them to do it this morning. I guess they didn't have much enthusiasm for the job.

Carol Brady:
Well, maybe we oughta hang them up and beat them.

Mike Brady:
Sleeping bags or the boys?

Marcia Brady:
Something suddenly came up.

Marcia Brady:
Oh, my nose!

Jan Brady:
Marcia, what are the seven wonders of the world?

Marcia Brady:
Seven wonders?

Jan Brady:
I've got six so far.

Jan Brady:
[as Cindy walks into the room glumly] What's the matter?

Marcia Brady:
What happened downstairs?

Cindy Brady:
[sadly] Can't tell you. It's tattling.

Marcia Brady:
If Cindy won't tattle, there's your seventh wonder.

Carol Brady:
I don't have to be logical. I'm a mother.

Greg Brady:
Dad? Mom? Can we see you for a minute?

Carol Brady:
What's up?

Marcia Brady:
Well, we've all talked it over and...

Greg Brady:
...all of us except Bobby.

Marcia Brady:
Yeah, except Bobby. And we think you should know.

Mike Brady:
Know what?

Greg Brady:
Well, Bobby has been a real stinker.

Carol Brady:
Greg, you know I don't like that word.

Jan Brady:
It gives me a funny feeling to think about someone else in our room, even though it hasn't been our room very long.

Marcia Brady:
It does sort of, I wonder if it'll miss us?

Cindy Brady:
I feel sorry for it.

Marcia Brady:
Don't, some nice girls will move in.

Cindy Brady:
What if it's a mean old man?

Greg Brady:
Hey Pete, remember the night you ran into the bathroom door and they had to tape four stitches in your nose?

Peter Brady:
Yeah, and the dent's still in the door.

Greg Brady:
And the time Bobby tried to climb up the television lead-in.

Bobby Brady:
Yeah, and the antenna came down and hit me right on the head.

Peter Brady:
You had a bump on your head for 3 weeks.

Greg Brady:
What about the time I fell off the garage roof?

Peter Brady:
Right through the top of Dad's new convertible.

Greg Brady:
I busted 3 ribs and the gearshift handle.

Peter Brady:
Oh boy.

Greg Brady:
Yeah, we've had some good times in this house.

Cindy Brady:
She means we'll feel like orphans.

Marcia Brady:
Orphans don't have mothers and fathers, not brothers.

Cindy Brady:
Then what are you when you don't have brothers?

Jan Brady:
Lonesome.

Carol Brady:
Well Alice, the kids do need more bedrooms, and you know we need another bathroom.

Alice Nelson:
Well the old McIntyre house up on the hill has lots of rooms. It's old but it can be fixed up, it's been for sale for years.

Carol Brady:
I wonder why they haven't been able to sell that house?

Alice Nelson:
The same reason the McIntyres moved out, it's haunted.

Carol Brady:
Haunted? Oh Alice.

Alice Nelson:
I knew the cook, said a lot of weird things were going on up there: voices in the night, chains rattling, lights going on and off.

Carol Brady:
Now Alice, you don't believe that.

Alice Nelson:
The cook did, left the McIntyres flat.

Carol Brady:
And you know as well as I do there's no such things as ghosts.

Alice Nelson:
Maybe not, but they were never able to explain those voices.

Carol Brady:
[both hear an unearthly moaning] WHAT was that?

Alice Nelson:
It sounded like a cow died in the driveway. [the moan sounds again] Oh no, now it sounds human, like somebody in agony.

Carol Brady:
Alice, that DOESN'T sound human.

Alice Nelson:
Oh no... inhuman?

Cindy Brady:
That terrible noise woke us up!

Bobby Brady:
What do you suppose it was?

Alice Nelson:
[a loud creaking sounds] Or is?

Carol Brady:
Well sometimes a loose board will make a house creak.

Cindy Brady:
You sound just like Daddy.

Carol Brady:
Mike, there has to be an explanation for all these strange sounds.

Mike Brady:
I haven't heard any strange sounds.

Carol Brady:
Yeah that's right, you got in after they stopped.

Alice Nelson:
Well there is an explanation alright, the ghosts in the McIntyre house got tired of living alone and moved in where there's more action.

Mike Brady:
Oh Alice, even if you're joking, that's absurd.

Alice Nelson:
Well if I'm not joking, it's not absurd. You should've heard those kids this morning before they left for school, they were as scared as I was.

Alice Nelson:
Uh oh.

Mike Brady, Carol Brady:
Now what?

Alice Nelson:
The light in the oven is blinking something in Morse code: I'll bet the word is trouble.

Mike Brady:
I'll bet the word's defective switch. I'll check it out later.

Alice Nelson:
Why not sooner? There's something about an oven winking at me that gives me the creeps.

Carol Brady:
Is that McIntyre banshee on the loose again?

Peter Brady:
There's something out here, Mom.

Alice Nelson:
3 very definite crashes.

Greg Brady:
I'll say there were.

Marcia Brady:
Greg was helping me with that flat tire on my bike when we heard them.

Carol Brady:
Maybe Tiger's wrestling with those garbage cans again.

Greg Brady:
Oh it can't be, Tiger's sleeping in the house tonight.

Carol Brady:
In the house? Why?

Marcia Brady:
He was getting spooked by all those funny noises.

Alice Nelson:
Just like everyone else around here.

Peter Brady:
After all, he's only human

[another crash sounds]

Peter Brady, Alice Nelson:
Four!

Carol Brady:
I think we better take another look around.

Alice Nelson:
All of us?

Carol Brady:
There's safety in numbers, Alice, come on.

Cindy Brady, Bobby Brady:
[all hear a loud slamming noise] What was that?

Carol Brady:
[taken aback] Ub, hey, wa, it's probably the wind, uh, banging against the shutters.

Alice Nelson:
That would be a good guess, Mrs. Brady, if there *was* a wind, and we had shutters.

Alice Nelson:
Well, this whole thing kind of depresses me, Mrs. Brady. I got my routine all worked out here. I don't know if I'll be able to function some place else.

Carol Brady:
But, Alice you will function, won't you? I mean, just because we're moving, you're not going to leave.

Alice Nelson:
Me? Leave the Brady family? You couldn't get rid of me if you tried. I'm a hundred-and-twenty-pound boomerang.

Carol Brady:
A hundred and TWENTY pounds?

Alice Nelson:
Mmmm, more or less.

Marcia Brady:
I'm looking forward to the intellectual stimulation.

Peter Brady:
I joined the science club at school, and I'm building a volcano. When I'm finished, I can make it erupt. And when it erupts, smoke's going to come out, and real molten lava's going to ooze all over the place.

Marcia Brady:
[excitedly] It looks like Sam is finally going to ask her to marry him.

Cindy Brady:
That's great!

Jan Brady:
That's fantastic. How do you know?

Cindy Brady:
Did Sam say so?

Marcia Brady:
He didn't have to.

Jan Brady:
Did Alice say so?

Marcia Brady:
She didn't have to.

Cindy Brady:
Did Mom say so?

Marcia Brady:
She didn't have to either.

Jan Brady:
Then who told you they were getting married?

Marcia Brady:
[excitedly] Nobody!

Jan Brady:
That's good enough for me.

Cindy Brady:
Me too!

Cindy Brady:
Hi, anybody seen Jan?

Carol Brady:
She went to the library, honey, why?

Cindy Brady:
Oh, I just thought I'd let her beat me at checkers.

Mike Brady:
Why you want to do that?

Cindy Brady:
To give her confidence. To make her think she's good at something. That's what we've been doing.

Carol Brady:
How long are you and your brothers and sisters plan to keep losing to Jan?

Cindy Brady:
I don't know. A couple months. I'll ask Greg.

Peter Brady:
[Puts record on to play] How's that?

Pamela Phillips:
Super! Let's dance!

Peter Brady:
[grabs his knee in pain] Ahhh!

Pamela Phillips:
What's the matter?

Peter Brady:
My knee. An old football injury. I better go take a look at it.

Pamela Phillips:
Well, let me help you.

Peter Brady:
No, no! I mean, I just met you. I couldn't let you look at my naked knee.

Carol Brady:
Okay, I demand to know what's going on around here!

Alice Nelson:
Well, if you insist, Mrs. Brady, we know about the new family addition and we're all very happy about it.

Carol Brady:
Oh, you've heard about Oliver!

Alice Nelson:
Oliver? Won't that be kind of a funny name if it's a girl?

Carol Brady:
Wait a minute! Ha! Is this family under the impression that I'm going to have a baby?

Alice Nelson:
Aren't you under that impression?

Cindy Brady:
Jan, what happened? The top of your head turned black.

Jan Brady:
Don't be silly, it's a wig.

Marcia Brady:
Where did you get that?

Jan Brady:
Oh, I bought it this morning. What do you think?

Marcia Brady:
Jan, I think it looks awful.

Jan Brady:
Who asked for your opinion?

Peter Brady:
Okay, everybody, here's my sister: the new Jan Brady!

Bobby Brady:
Hey, Cindy, you want to play in the tipi?

Cindy Brady:
Don't be silly.

Bobby Brady:
What's silly about it?

Cindy Brady:
I might get dirty.

Bobby Brady:
So what?

Cindy Brady:
Television stars don't play in tipis and they don't get dirty.

Bobby Brady:
Who's a television star?

Cindy Brady:
I am. That's who.

Alice Nelson:
Hi, Cindy. You want to lick the bowl?

Cindy Brady:
No, thanks. It's not lady-like.

Alice Nelson:
Lady-like?

Cindy Brady:
Yes. What are we having for dinner?

Alice Nelson:
Swiss steak and spaghetti.

Cindy Brady:
Not me.

Alice Nelson:
Honey, those are two of your favorites!

Cindy Brady:
Not anymore they're not. They are rich and fattening.

Alice Nelson:
Well, sure, all that good stuff is.

Cindy Brady:
Just fix me a small salad, please.

Alice Nelson:
Hey, wait a second. Do you mind telling me why the special diet?

Cindy Brady:
A star can't go on television, all fat and broken out.

Pork chops

And apple Soss

Marcia,marcia,marcia

"Pork chops

And apple Soss."(with a Humphrey Bogart inflection)

Marcia,marcia,marcia

Also,

'Okay Kids".

A

Mrs Brady quote