The Grinch Grinches the Cat in the Hat

The Cat in the Hat:
[to the Grinch] I deeply deplore any inconvieniece that I may have caused you Mr... Green Face.

The Grinch:
[shocked and angry] Green Face?

The Grinch:
A lighthouse makes light, so, just for a lark, I built me a darkhouse. A darkhouse makes dark.

The Cat in the Hat:
That Grinch. That Grinch! That psychopathic Grinch!

[pacing back and forth]

The Cat in the Hat:
Why is a Grinch? What makes him tick? Why is his Grinch brain sick, sick, sick? Oh boy, if I had a psychiatrist couch, I'd find out what's wrong with that Grinchy grouch.

[a thought bubble appears above the Cat. Inside the bubble, the Grinch is seen reclining on a psychiatrist couch]

The Grinch:
[in bubble] That's a lot of rot.

The Cat in the Hat:
[talking to Grinch in bubble; singsong voice] Is there something in your family tree that causes Grinch a leg onesy?

The Grinch:
Absolutely not.

The Cat in the Hat:
As a boy, were you never a good Boy Scout? Did you ever eat too much sauerkraut? Did your schoolteacher say that you were a fool? Did you dive in an empty swimming pool?

The Grinch:
Positively not!

The Cat in the Hat:
Did you fight a lot with your older sisters? Did you suffer from poison ivy blisters? The shoes that you wore, were they too tight? Were you afraid to go out in the dark at night? Did some big bully steal your kite? Your teeth, was there something wrong with your bite? Or maybe your mother didn't treat you right?

The Grinch:
Mama? Absotively, posilutely, that's a lot of rot!

[He reaches out of the bubble and grabs the Cat's hat. He pulls it down over him, hiding his face and most of his body. The thought bubble disappears]

The Cat in the Hat:
[muffled] Hmm, one of the most difficult patients I ever had. I'm gonna have to make a house call.

The Grinch:
[describing his machine that messes up voices] This, sir, is my Acoustical Anti-Audio Bleeper, otherwise known as my Vacu-Sound Sweeper.

The Cat in the Hat:
That? That's the darn thing that makes the sounds sound stupid?

The Grinch:
It sucks out of the air every noise, every sound and gargles the sound waves for 50 miles 'round! Nifty little contraption, isn't it?

The Cat in the Hat:
It's implausible, it's impossible, it's unreasonable and unlausible. Such things never happen in the middle of the day, and if they do, I ignore them, and they're bound to go away.

[the Grinch activates his VacuSound Sweeper, gargling the Cat's dialog]

The Grinch:
[laughing] From now on, you will hear what I want you to hear.

The Grinch:
[cheerfully to his own reflection in the mirror] And a very good morning to you, Mr. Grinch.

The Grinch's reflection:
[infuriated] Oh, it is, is it?

[Both the Grinch and Max are shocked. Max cowers behind a wall]

The Grinch:
Well, it seems so... sort of.

The Grinch's reflection:
I see nothing to whistle about. You must be out of your head, no doubt. I think the time has come for thee to repeat the Grinch's oath with me.

The Grinch, The Grinch's reflection:
[in unison] A Grinch is unhelpful, unfriendly and unkind.

The Grinch's reflection:
With ungracious thoughts...

The Grinch:
...and an unhealthy mind.

The Grinch's reflection:
A Grinch is uncheerful, uncouth and unclean. Now say this together!

The Grinch, The Grinch's reflection:
I'm frightfully mean! My eyes are both shifty. My fingers are thrifty.

The Grinch:
My mouth does not smile.

The Grinch's reflection:
Not half of an inch.

The Grinch:
I'm a Grinch.

The Grinch's reflection:
I... am a Grinch.

The Grinch:
I'm a Grinch!

The Grinch's reflection:
That's my boy. Now go out and prove it!

The Cat in the Hat:
Row-de-dow!