The Mummy Returns

Richard 'Rick' O'Connell:
Knowing my brother-in-law, he probably deserves whatever you're about to do to him. But this is my house, and I have certain rules about snakes and dismemberment.

Richard 'Rick' O'Connell:
[witnessing Imhotep's resurrection] Y'know, a couple of years ago, this would have seemed really strange to me.

Richard 'Rick' O'Connell:
[about the mummified soldiers] Oh no, not these guys again!

Richard 'Rick' O'Connell:
[Evelyn is trying to block the door to keep the mummy soldiers out] Honey, what are you doing? These guys don't use doors.

Richard 'Rick' O'Connell:
[After the mummified soldiers destroyed his car] Oh, I HATE mummies!

Richard 'Rick' O'Connell:
[To Ardeth] Glad to see me now? Just like old times huh?!

Richard 'Rick' O'Connell:
[after seeing a hieroglyph of a warrior bearing his tattoo and the staff] Okay, NOW I'm a believer!

Richard 'Rick' O'Connell:
[to the Scorpion King as he kills him] Go to Hell! And take your friends with you!

Evelyn Carnahan-O'Connell:
Those knickers are not mine

Evelyn Carnahan-O'Connell:
RICK!!!!

Evelyn Carnahan-O'Connell:
Why don't you pick on someone your own size?

Jonathan Carnahan:
I say chaps, look at that. Shrunken heads. I'd love to know how they do that. [Everybody looks strangely at Jonathan] Just curious.

Jonathan Carnahan:
If you see anyone come running out screaming, don't worry - it's just me.

Jonathan Carnahan:
Step aside Alex, I'm a professional!

Jonathan Carnahan:
Ah, the old "wipe out the world" ploy.

Imhotep:
[on seeing Rick] YOU!

Imhotep:
[to Alex] I hope your parents had a good ride.

Izzy:
[to Rick] Every time I hook up with you, I get shot! Last time I got shot in the arse. I'm mourning for my arse!

Izzy:
This thing is filled with gas, dammit. Not hot air, gas. Where am I supposed to find gas around here? Bananas? Mangos? Tarzan's arse?!

Izzy:
Whoa whoa whoa! She's faster than she looks. And she's quiet, real quiet. Perfect for sneaking up on people, which is a very good thing. [lowers voice] Unless we go with your approach: barging in face-first, guns blazing and getting your friends shot in the arse!

Izzy:
Well, that's not good.

Ardeth Bay:
[narrating] Five thousand years ago, a fierce warrior known as the Scorpion King led a great army on a campaign to conquer the known world. After a vicious campaign that lasted seven long years, the Scorpion King and his army were defeated and driven deep into the sacred desert of Ahm Shere. One by one, they slowly perished under the scorching sun...until only the great warrior himself was left alive. Near death, the Scorpion King made a pact with the dark god Anubis, that if Anubis would spare his life and let him conquer his enemies, he would give him his soul. Anubis accepted his offer and spared his life. Anubis gave the Scorpion King command of his army, and like an evil flood, they washed away all that lay before them. When his task was done, Anubis forced the Scorpion King to serve him for all time. His army was returned to the sands from whence they came...where they wait, silently, to be awakened once again.

Ardeth Bay:
There's a fine line between coincidence and fate.

Ardeth Bay:
If a man does not embrace his past, he has no future.

Ardeth Bay:
It was ... my first bus ride

Ardeth Bay:
Why can't you people ever keep your feet on the ground?

Ardeth Bay:
[sees the Army of Anubis] God help us!

Ardeth Bay:
[as the Army charges, to the Medjai] 'Till Death!

Alex O'Connell:
Get a room!

Alex O'Connell:
My dad is going to kick your arse!

Alex O'Connell:
[after accidentally destroying the temple's interior, therefore rescuing his parents from almost drowning] Mum, Dad, I can explain everything.

Alex O'Connell:
You're asking me?! I'm only eight years old, for Christ's sake!

Alex O'Connell:
I haven't lost it, Mum; I just can't find it. There's a difference.

Anck-su-namun:
Put your mask on. Let's not scar that pretty face!

Lock-Nah:
NOW, can I kill him?

Mr. Hafez:
The two of you must sacrifice yourselves...for me. You shall be rewarded in Heaven!

Rick:
This is bad, Evy!

Evy:
We've had bad before.

Rick:
This is worse!

Jonathan:
I told you! I told you!

Meela:
And your point is?

Jonathan:
My point is, I told you so you wouldn't kill me.

Meela:
When did we make that arrangement?

Rick:
Ok, you're here, the bad guys are here, Evy's been kidnapped. Let me guess...

Ardeth Bay:
Yes, they once again removed the creature from his grave.

Jonathan:
I don't mean to point fingers, but isn't your job to make sure that doesn't happen?!

Ardeth Bay:
Wherever this man is, your wife will surely be.

Alex:
Hey, I know him. He's the curator. He works at the British Museum.

Ardeth Bay:
Are you sure?

Rick:
You better believe him. He spends more time there than he does at home.

Ardeth Bay:
[to Alex] By putting on the bracelet, you have started a chain reaction that could bring about the next apocalypse!

Rick:
Hey! [to Ardeth] You: lighten up. [to Alex] You: big trouble. [to Jonathan] You: get in the car.

Imhotep:
The Underworld awaits you!

Evelyn:
You wait! I'll put you in your grave again!

Hafez:
Our thinking was, not if we put you in your grave first!

Alex:
Come on! come on! [Jonathan breaks the key off in the ignition] YOU BROKE IT! YOU BROKE IT!

Jonathan:
Be quiet Alex! If there's going to be any hysterics, they'll come from me!

[Rick, Evy and the others are being pursued by the mummified soldiers]

Ardeth Bay:
Glad to see me now?

Rick:
(enthusiatic) Just like old times, huh?

Alex:
Hey. The Book of the Dead.

Meela:
What a bright little child. Your mother must be missing you terribly. If you wish to see her again, you better behave.

Alex:
Lady, I don't behave for my parents, what makes you think I'm going to do it for you?

Lock-Nah:
(threatening Alex) Silence!

Meela:
Because your parents don't put poisonous snakes in your bed... while you're sleeping.

Evelyn:
No harm ever came from opening a chest.

Rick:
Yeah, "No harm ever came from reading a book." Remember how that one went?

[seeing Rick's tattoo]

Ardeth Bay:
If I were to say to you that, "I am a stranger traveling from the East, seeking that which is lost"...

Rick:
... Then I would reply that, "I am a stranger traveling from the West, it is I whom you seek." How did you...?

Ardeth Bay:
Then it is true. You have the sacred mark.

Rick:
What, that? No, that got slapped on me when I was in an orphanage in Cairo.

Ardeth Bay:
That mark means you are a protector of man. A warrior for God. A Medjai.

Rick:
Sorry. You've got the wrong guy.

Rick:
[confused] What's the matter with my car?

Jonathan:
I was forced to find an alternative means of transportation--

Rick:
A DOUBLE-DECKER BUS?!?!

Jonathan:
Well, [points at Alex] it was his idea!

Alex:
Was not!

Jonathan:
Was too!

Alex:
Was not!

Rick:
JUST GO!

Jonathan:
Was too!

Alex:
Was NOT!

Jonathan:
Oh, jeez...

[Bus pulls away with mummies chasing behind; they climb over Rick's car and destroy it in the process]

Rick:
No, no, not my car! [menacingly] Oh, I hate mummies!

[Izzy sees Rick, looks scared, and locks the door]

Rick:
Hey!

Evie:
He definitely remembers you.

Rick:
He's a little shy. [to Jonathan] Jonathan, get our bags.

Jonathan:
[holding Scepter of Osiris] Oh, my hands are full.

Rick:
[takes Scepter] Now.

Jonathan:
Right, right, I'll get the bags.

Rick:
I'll deal with the flight details. [shoots the lock on the door]

Evie:
Honey, you're not a subtle man.

Rick:
[looks at her] We don't have time for subtle. [kicks the door in]

Izzy:
Remeber that bankjob in Marakesh?

Evy:
Bank job?

Rick:
It's not how it sounds.

Izzy:
Erh it's exactly how it sounds. I'm flying high hiding in the sun, white boy here flags me down, so I fly in low for the pickup, next thing you know, I get shot! I'm laying there in the middle of the road, with my spleen hanging out, and I see HIM waltzing off with some bellydancer girl!

Evy:
Bellydancer girl? Izzy, I think you and I should talk.

Izzy:
As long as I don't get shot.

Izzy:
O'Connell, if you give me that gold stick there, you can shave my head, wax my legs, and use me for a surfboard.

Rick:
Didn't we do that in Tripoli?

Alex:
Are we there yet?

Lock-Nah:
No.

Alex:
Are we there yet?

Lock-Nah:
No.

Alex:
Are we there yet?

Lock-Nah:
No. No, no no no no NO!

(Lock-Nah slams his knife into the table between Alex's fingers)

Alex:
Whoa! That was amazing! Perfect aim!

Lock-Nah:
What are you talking about?! I missed!

Lock-Nah:
When the time comes, I shall truly enjoy killing you.

Alex:
But until that time, you better be a little nicer to me. Now where's my water?

[Lock-Nah shoves the pitcher of water into Alex's hands]

Alex:
No ice?

Rick:
Right, she's a reincarnated princess and I'm a warrior for God?

Ardeth Bay:
And your son leads the way to Ahm Shere. Three sides of the pyramid. This was all preordained thousands of years ago.

Evelyn:
But how does the story end?

Ardeth Bay:
Only the journey is written, not the destination.

Rick:
Convenient.

Evy:
Jonathan?

Jonathan:
Yes?

Evy:
That's my husband and son down there. Make me proud.

Jonathan:
Today's that day, Evy.

Rick:
You know, it's not easy, being a dad.

Alex:
Yeah. But you do it real good.

[Jonathan and an enemy soldier run into a clearing with stones while fleeing undead pygmies]

Jonathan:
See that?! We're safe, we're safe! See those sacred stones, they'll never cross those!

Shafek:
You are sure?

Jonathan:
Yes of course I'm sure!

[A pygmy notices them and attacks, spearing Shafek in the chest]

Jonathan:
[shrieks then looks at Shafek, shocked] Sorry! My mistake!

Alex:
Efday shokran...efday shokran...Uncle Jon! I don't know what this last symbol is!

Jonathan:
What does it look like?

Alex:
It's a bird - a stork!

Jonathan:
I know that one! I know that one!

Alex:
Then what is it?

Jonathan:
[fighting with Meela]Ah...ah...!

Jonathan:
[after throwing off Meela] Amenophus!

Jonathan:
Pull me up! Pull me up!

[He sees the huge diamond on top of the pyramid]

Jonathan:
Wait, wait. Let me down. Let me down!

Rick:
It's not worth your life, you idiot!

Jonathan:
Yes, it is! Yes, it is!

Izzy:
Uh, that's half mine, you know.

Jonathan:
What?

Izzy:
[indicating the diamond] That's half mine!

Jonathan:
I have no idea what you're talking about.

Izzy:
What? You took my gold stick! I know you took my gold stick!

Jonathan:
No, I have no id - I swear on the head of my wife I have no idea what you're talking about.

Izzy:
You haven't! You- you ain't got a wife!

Jonathan:
I haven't got your gold stick either!

Adventure is reborn.

He will rise again.

The most powerful force on Earth is about to be unleashed... by the two people who should know better.

Imhotep:
[in Egyptian] I know you can understand me, little one. So you must listen carefully because [in English] it is you who will guide me. You who will take me to Ahm-Shere.

Alex:
What if I don't? What if I get a little...lost?

Imhotep:
[laughs] You are a strange little one. You are your father's son. But I know something you don't. This bracelet is a gift and a curse. The sands of time have already begun to pour against you.

Alex:
Yeah, yeah. I already heard this part. From the minute I put the bracelet on, seven days do I have before the Scorpion King wakes up.

Imhotep:
Did you also hear that if you do not enter the pyramid before the sun strikes it on that very morning that the bracelet will suck the life out of you?

Alex:
[shocked] That part I missed. Hey, wait a minute, that means I only have five days left!

Imhotep:
And I believe it would be nice trying not to get lost, don’t you?

Alex:
My dad is going to kick your arse!

Imhotep:
Hmm. [takes off his mask, smirking; Alex gasps and steps back] I do not think so.