The Women

Mary Haines:
Oh, is this about the perfume b*tch?

Mary Haines:
[sees her daughter burning tampons] What is she doing?

Maggie:
Well, she says she doesn't want to be a woman.

Catherine Frazier:
Don't be bitter. It leads to Botox.

Catherine Frazier:
It feels like someone kicked you in the stomach, feels like your heart stopped beating, feels like that dream, you know the one, when you are falling and you want so desperately to wake up before you hit the ground but it's all out of your control, you can't trust anything anymore, no-one is who they say they are, your life is changed forever, and the only thing to come out of the whole ugly experience is no-one will be able to break your heart like that again.

Barbara Delacorte:
Everything was wonderful, Mary. I must have the name of your caterer. So yummy.

Mary Haines:
Oh, no. I made everything myself. I think people appreciate the personal touch.

Barbara Delacorte:
You cooked? Oh, Mary, how could you. What were you thinking? Now we'll all have to do that.

Sylvia Fowler:
I am the man I want to marry!

Catherine Frazier:
I ordered you a gimlet. I know you don't drink in the afternoon, but you will eventually, so why not start now?

Catherine Frazier:
You wanna see a bad facelift? Helen Danvers, 2 o'clock. She looks like she's re-entering the Earth's atmosphere

Sylvia Fowler:
A 45-minute orgasm? Who has the time?

Edie Cohen:
It was so amazing,and we're so proud of you. And I am so sorry that I won't be able to stay longer to help you celebrate. But my water just broke.

Sylvia Fowler:
Weren't you taking some puppet-making class?

Edie Cohen:
Let me tell you something. Weird crowd of people, the puppet people.

Edie Cohen:
I wanna keep going until I get a boy.

Alex Fisher:
Don't we have enough of those?

Mary Haines:
[about her husband having an affair] I mean, how could I not have known? Three months ago, he bought cowboy boots!

Edie Cohen:
[about the voice of her car's navigation system] She's always calm. She never talks back. My husband's in love with her.

April Cohen:
Mommy, I'm tired of shopping. Can we go? I wanna go.

Edie Cohen:
We can't go. Aunt Sylvie is stalking somebody. When she's finished, we can leave.

Crystal Allen:
[while on the phone with Steven] What if I cook us a romantic dinner tonight?

Pat:
The big white square thing with the fire coming out of it is the stove.