The X Files

Mulder:
Sometimes the only sane answer to an insane world is insanity.

Tad O'Malley:
If I'm going to put my ass out there, I need to know if it's hanging by a thread.

Skinner:
[repeated closing phrase] That will be all.

[repeated line]

Mulder:
Where is she?

Samantha Mulder:
Do we have to watch this, Fox?

Mulder:
Leave it. I'm watching "The Magician" at nine.

Samantha Mulder:
Mom and Dad said I could watch some movie, Buttmunch.

Mulder:
They're next door at the Gallren's and they said I'm in charge.

Mulder:
Hey. Get out of my life.

Mulder:
I'm watching The Magician.

Mulder:
Now look. The fuse is blown.

Samantha Mulder:
Fox!

Mulder:
Samantha! Samantha!

[entering Mulder's apartment]

Melissa Scully:
Why is it so dark in here?

Mulder:
The lights aren't on.

Scully:
Last time you were so engrossed, it turned out you were reading the "Adult Video News."

Deep Throat:
Trust no one.

Doctor:
You're gonna have to tell me who you are first!

Mr. X:
I'm afraid I can't help you.

Mulder:
Why?

Mr. X:
The last time I helped you, I bloodied my fist and revealed my identity.

Mulder:
[upon seeing the Cigarette Smoking Man in a hospital] Please tell me you're here with severe chest pains.

Mulder:
Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted.

Scully:
Agent Mulder? I'm Dana Scully. I've been assigned to work with you.

Mulder:
Oh, isn't it nice to be suddenly so highly regarded. So, who did you tick off to get stuck with this detail, Scully?

Scully:
Actually, I'm looking forward to working with you. I've heard a lot about you.

Mulder:
Oh, really? I was under the impression that you were sent to spy on me.

Scully:
You have seen this before, I can tell. You lied to them.

Mulder:
I would never lie. I willfully participated in a campaign of misinformation.

Scully:
I have never met anyone so passionate and dedicated to a belief as you. It's so intense that sometimes it's blinding.

Deep Throat:
And a lie, Mr. Mulder, is most convincingly hidden between two truths.

Mulder:
I've often felt that dreams are answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to ask.

Scully:
Mulder, toads just fell from the sky!

Mulder:
I guess their parachutes didn't open.

Cigarette Smoking Man:
What is this?

Skinner:
This is where you pucker up and kiss my ass.

Mulder:
We've both lost so much... but I believe that what we're looking for is in the X-Files. I'm more certain than ever that the truth is in there.

Scully:
I've heard the truth, Mulder. Now what I want are the answers.

Mulder:
If coincidences are coincidences, why do they feel so contrived?

Reverend Finley:
Sometimes we must come full circle to find the truth. Why does that surprise you?

Scully:
Mostly, it just makes me afraid.

Reverend Finley:
Afraid?

Scully:
Afraid that God is speaking... but that no one's listening.

Scully:
Sure, fine, whatever.

Mulder:
Scully, you are the only one I trust.

Mulder:
The truth will save you, Scully. I think it'll save both of us.

Mulder:
I have a theory. Do you want to hear it?

Scully:
Van Blundht somehow physically transformed into his captor and walked out the door, leaving no one the wiser?

Mulder:
Scully, should we be picking out china patterns or what?

Susanne Modeski:
No matter how paranoid you are, you're not paranoid enough.

Mulder:
You know, they say when you talk to God it's prayer, but when God talks to you, it's schizophrenia.

Mulder:
You have to be willing to see.

Scully:
I wish it were that simple.

Mulder:
Scully, you have to believe me. Nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will. You're my one in five billion.

Scully:
It seems to me that the best relationships, the ones that last, are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.

Mulder:
Scully, I was like you once. I didn't know who to trust. Then I... I chose another path... another life, another fate, where I found my sister. The end of my world was unrecognizable and upside down. There was one thing that remained the same. You were my friend, and you told me the truth. Even when the world was falling apart, you were my constant. My touchstone.

Scully:
And you are mine.

Scully:
What if there was only one choice and all the other ones were wrong? And there were signs along the way to pay attention to.

Mulder:
Mmm. And all the choices would then lead to this very moment. One wrong turn, and we wouldn't be sitting here together. Well, that says a lot. That says a lot, a lot, a lot.

Caption:
THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

Caption:
TRUST NO-ONE

Caption:
APOLOGY IS POLICY

Caption:
THIS PROGRAMME IS NOT MADE ON BEHALF OF, OR WITH THE APPROVAL OF, THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION

[repeated line]

Scully:
But Mulder...

Mulder:
The voice tells me my sister is safe. It tells me everything will be okay.

Therapist:
Do you believe the voice?

Mulder:
I want to believe.

Mulder:
Oh no. [holds up newspaper headline saying "Elvis Presley Dead At 42"]

Bill Mulder:
[deciding who is going to shoot the Alien] I'm the Liar, you're the Killer.

Cigarette Smoking Man:
Your lies have killed more people than I ever could.

Scully:
The Truth is out there, Mulder. But so are lies.

[repeated line]

Skinner:
Mulder/Scully? Let me have a word with you.

Caption:
GOVERNMENT DENIES KNOWLEDGE

Scully:
From a dry skin sample, you're concluding what, that he's some kind of a fat-sucking vampire?

Kristen Kilar:
Are you about to ask what a normal person like me is doing in a place like this?

Mulder:
How do you define normal?

Kristen Kilar:
Misha, red wine... I don't. How do you?

Mulder:
All I know is... normal is not what I feel.

Kristen Kilar:
You've lost someone. Not a lover... a friend.

The Son:
Don't you want to live forever?

Mulder:
Not if drawstring pants come back in style.

Mulder:
It's probably ignorance of porphyria as a disease that led to the creation of vampire myths in Asia in the Middle Ages...

Mulder:
I had dismissed the possibility of the actual existence of such a creature as myth.

Dr. Browning:
You are really upsetting me... On several levels.

Monica Reyes:
Hey!

John Doggett:
So, this is how the uptown crowd lives, huh?

Monica Reyes:
This is it! Moving on up.

John Doggett:
So is there anything really heavy that I can move for you, a dresser, a fridge.

Monica Reyes:
No, but thank you, John, you just missed movers.

John Doggett:
You don't say? I brought you a housewarming gift.

Monica Reyes:
Hot dogs?

John Doggett:
Polish sausage! It's the best in the city. There's a little stand a couple of blocks over on M Street. You'll be able to walk to it.

Monica Reyes:
Wow.

John Doggett:
Try one.

Monica Reyes:
Mmm. Like I'm back in Gdansk. Let me get some plates.

John Doggett:
Plates? For crying out loud... who eats Polish sausage with plates?

Walter Skinner:
No, it's not a spasm.

Monica Reyes:
What is it?

Walter Skinner:
It's Morse code.

Monica Reyes:
It's theoretical physics, but... what if it's real?

Scully:
Don't you see Mulder, you're doing their work for them. You're chasing aliens that aren't there, helping them to create the story that covers the shameful truth. And what they can't cover they apologize for. Apology has become policy.

Mulder:
Maybe. Maybe you're right, Scully. But I don't need an apology for the lies. I don't care about the fictions they create to cover their crimes. I want them held accountable for what did happen. I want them to apologize for the truth.

Scully:
What is this place?

Elder #1:
This was one of the most frightening places on the earth. A place where society sent its monsters to live in shame and isolation. Now, their disease is all but conquered. Science has eliminated thousands of years of misery.

Scully:
I've seen your methods of "elimination." What happened to the man who was with me in the forest? What about the people who were in this room?"

Elder #1:
They had been exposed.

Scully:
Exposed to what?

Elder #1:
The same thing all these victims have been exposed to... victims of an inhuman project run by a man named Zama.

Scully:
You mean Ishimaru. You hid him here after the war. He stayed here, and he continued his experiments.

Elder #1:
The ruler of the world is no longer the country with the bravest soldiers, but the greatest scientists. Unfortunately, Ishimaru began to conduct his work in secret, not sharing with those who had risked much in giving him his asylum.

Mulder:
All the nuts roll down to Florida.

Mulder:
[regarding Dales's missing neighbors] She's missing, too?

Arthur Dales:
Ahuh. I got on the horn to the local constabulary but they're about as helpful as a fart in a windstorm.

Arthur Dales:
Did you tell her what I told you?

Mulder:
Yes, but she's... she's not the type that's easily persuaded.

Arthur Dales:
Is that so?

Scully:
What he means is I don't hear a story about a sea monster and automatically assume it's the Lord's gospel truth.

Arthur Dales:
Why did you bring her here?

Mulder:
She knows your reputation, your early work on the X-Files and she has a knack for getting to the bottom of things.

Angela Villareal:
[rushing to the bathroom, pushing Mulder and Scully aside] Super tanker, coming through!

Walter Suarez:
Angela, you can't go in there!

Angela Villareal:
[slowly, irritated, enunciating her predicament very carefully] My bladder is pressing against your unborn child, Walter. He's going to have a head like a tortilla.

Arthur Dales:
Don't sneer at the mysteries of the deep, young lady. The bottom of the ocean is as deep and dark as the imagination.

Fox Mulder:
And why would God allow this to happen? Why do bad things happen to good people? Religion has masqueraded as the paranormal since the dawn of time to justify some of the most horrible acts in history.

Dana Scully:
I was raised to believe that God has His reasons however mysterious.

Fox Mulder:
He may well have His reasons, but He seems to use a lot of psychotics to carry out His job orders.

Fox Mulder:
[Speaking to Father Gregory who is praying inside an interrogation room] What are you asking for, Father? Mercy or forgiveness? You know... they say when you talk to God it's prayer, but when God talks to you it's schizophrenia. What is your God telling you, Father?

Scully:
I'm afraid that God is speaking and no one is listening.

Dana Scully:
As much as I have my faith, Father, I am a scientist; trained to weigh evidence. But science only teaches us how... not why.

Confessor:
Do you believe there is a life after this one?

Dana Scully:
Yes.

Confessor:
Are you sure?

[Scully hesitates]

Confessor:
Has it occurred to you that maybe this, too, is part of what you were meant to understand?

Dana Scully:
You mean, accepting my loss?

Confessor:
Can you accept it?

Dana Scully:
Maybe that's what faith is.

Scully:
Time passes in moments... moments which, rushing past, define the path of a life, just as surely as they lead towards its end. How rarely do we stop to examine that path, to see the reasons why all things happen, to consider whether the path we take in life is our own making, or simply one into which we drift with eyes closed. But what if we could stop, pause to take stock of each precious moment before it passes? Might we then see the endless forks in the road that have shaped a life? And, seeing those choices, choose another path?

Mulder:
I don't think you can know. I mean, how many different lives would we be leading if we made different choices. We... we don't know.

Scully:
What if there was only one choice and all the other ones were wrong? And there were signs along the way to pay attention to.

Mulder:
Mmm. And all the... choices would then lead to this very moment. One wrong turn, and... we wouldn't be sitting here together. Well, that says a lot. That says a lot, a lot, a lot. That's probably more than we should be getting into at this late hour.

Scully:
Crop circles, Mulder?

Scully:
Mulder, look, we're always running. We're always chasing the next big thing. Why don't you ever just stay still?

Mulder:
I wouldn't know what I'd be missing.

Mulder:
Hey. Ready to roll?

Scully:
Yeah, let me just get my keys.

Mulder:
Hey, don't forget this. Relax the back, breathe in, breathe out.

Scully:
How do you know all these things, Mulder?

Mulder:
I'm unemployed. I've got a lot of time on my hands. Oprah, I watch a lot of Oprah.

Scully:
Thank you for doing this with me.

Mulder:
What's the matter?

Scully:
I don't know, I... Maybe it's hormones or... I just, I'm just feeling so strange about all of this.

Mulder:
This, having a baby, this?

Scully:
No. No. Leaving work, I guess. I mean I... I walked out of that office today feeling like a deserter.

Mulder:
You've paid your dues there, Scully, more than paid them. You're concerned about Agent Doggett.

Scully:
You know, the entire time that I was down there, I had someone to watch my back.

Mulder:
I'm betting that Agent Doggett can take care of himself, he's a big boy. You've got to worry about the little boy... or little girl. Boy? Or Girl?

FBI Agent Leyla Harrison:
Can I ask you something?

Mulder:
Sure.

FBI Agent Leyla Harrison:
When you went to Antartica to save Agent Scully from being taken by that spaceship, and you ran out of gas in your Snow-Cat, how did you get back?

Scully:
Um, well first of all it was never actually proven that it was a spaceship.

Mulder:
It wasn't?

Scully:
No, what... what...

Mulder:
Proven?

Scully:
What happened was that we fell off of something...

Mulder:
Something?

Scully:
...that rose out of the ice

Mulder:
And what do you think that was?

Scully:
Well I don't know what it was but we didn't actually see...

Mulder:
Was it a spaceship?

Scully:
...a spaceship.

Mulder:
I can't believe you're saying it's not a spaceship, when you saw it.

Scully:
Ah, I mean, it could have been a spaceship. Mulder, but you don't...

Mulder:
Of course it was a spaceship.

Scully:
But, we don't know that it was, but you don't have a picture of it or anything.

Mulder:
You know it was a spaceship, you saw it!

Scully:
No, I did, no no no no no. Remember, I was unconscious...

Mulder:
You were unconscious? Apparently you're still unconscious!

Scully:
...and when I woke up there was no spaceship.

Mulder:
You saw the spaceship.

Scully:
Mulder... No no no no no sorry. Then you were frozen and I remember I hugged you until you were not frozen anymore...

[after he and Agent Harrison are sprayed with reptilian venom]

John Doggett:
Talk about the blind leading the blind.

Fox Mulder:
You get a biscuit, Scully.

Dana Scully:
So, what's he going to do? Come in here, skitter across the linoleum, and pee in the corners?

Albert Hosteen:
In the desert, things find a way to survive. Secrets are like this too. They push their way up through the sands of deception so men can know them.

Fox Mulder:
You have my files, and you have my gun. Don't ask me for my trust.

Well Manicured Man:
Mr. Mulder... ANYONE can be gotten to. Certainly you've no doubt of that!

Frohike:
[examining a used envelope] I got something here. Writing. Somebody wrote on top of the package and left an impression.

Ringo Langly:
Your sci-crime guys at the Bureau have a laser that can measure any change in a surface down to a few nano-meters.

Byers:
Actually, they can lift a perfect impression using magnetic toner and a sheet of Mylar.

Frohike:
Actually...

[while they have been debating, Mulder has used a pencil to make a rubbing of the impression on the envelope]

Mulder:
Actually, it's a phone number, New York City area code.

[hands Frohike the pencil]

Mulder:
Now don't drop that. That's a finely calibrated piece of investigative equipment. I gotta make a phone call.

Frohike:
[looking at the pencil] I'll be damned.

Well Manicured Man:
Who gave you this number?

Mulder:
You probably know him. A man named Krycek.

Well Manicured Man:
Alex Krycek?

Mulder:
Yeah, nice guy, killed my father.

[Mulder and Scully are posing as husband and wife]

Mulder:
Wow. Admit it, you just want to play house. Woman! Get back in here and make me a sandwich!

[Scully throws a rubber glove at him]

Mulder:
Did I not make myself clear?

[Mulder and Scully are undercover as newlyweds]

Mulder:
You wanna make that honeymoon video now?

Gordy:
So, how was your first night? Peaceful?

Mulder:
It was wonderful. We just spooned up and fell asleep like little baby cats. Isn't that right, honey bunch?

Dana Scully:
That's right, poopy head.

[Mulder and Scully are undercover as newlyweds]

Win Shroeder:
So, where'd you two meet?

Mulder:
Actually it was a UFO conference.

Win Shroeder:
Flying saucers? Interesting. Wouldn't have thought you folks would've been into that.

Mulder:
Well it's not me so much as Laura. [puts his arm around Scully] She's quite the new-ager. She's into those magnetic bracelets and crystals and mood rings, what have you. I mean, God bless her, she's a sucker for all that stuff.

[undercover as newlyweds, Mulder taps the bed suggestively]

Mulder:
Come on, Laura. We're married now.

Dana Scully:
Scully. Mulder, good night.

[playing basketball at night, Win angrily walks toward him]

Mulder:
Hey, Win! Wanna play Horse?

[a bulldozer is tearing up the front lawn; the neighbors watch in horror]

Pat Verlander:
What in God's name are you doing?

Mulder:
Putting in a pool!

Big Mike Raskin:
It's come for you, Laura. You can't make a noise. Shh. Shh.

Dana Scully:
[All messed up] Mike. What happened to you?

Big Mike Raskin:
You have to get out of here.

Dana Scully:
[Heavy footsteps] Why? What are you talking about? Who's downstairs?

Big Mike Raskin:
Shh, shh, shh.

Dana Scully:
Mike... Who did this to you?

Big Mike Raskin:
The Ubermenscher. It's our fault. The original homeowners - we asked for it and now we can't stop it.

Dana Scully:
Stop what, Mike?

Big Mike Raskin:
[Grunting] I tried to give it Shroeder. You know, tit-for-tat. Just like Shroeder did for me.

Gene Gogolak:
FBI? What did I do?

Mulder:
Let's start with the Klines. You're responsible for them being in little pieces in my front yard. You gave them that lawn ornament. The guy with the axe.

Gene Gogolak:
Whirligig.

Mulder:
Yeah, whirligig. It's tacky enough to break your rules and your CCRs - tacky enough to mark the Klines for death.

Gene Gogolak:
Won't that sound good in a court of law? When the judge asks you who killed the Klines, what exactly are you going to tell him?

Mulder:
[Looking around Gogolak's house he finds] A tulpa. It's a Tibetan thought-form. It's a living, breathing creature willed into existence by someone who possesses that ability - an ability I think you picked up on your whirligig-buying excursions to the Far East. Why'd you do it? I mean, is it so damn important for everybody to have the same color mailbox?

Gene Gogolak:
It's important that people fit in.

Mulder:
But you didn't know exactly what you were getting into, did you? I mean, you can summon its existence, but... You can give it life, but you can't control it. The best you can hope for is to stay out of its way.

Gene Gogolak:
Son, my lawyers are going to make you sound so stupid that not only will I never see the inside of a jail cell, but you'll be signing all your paychecks straight to me.

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
We tell you only what you need to know.

Krycek:
I think I have a right to know.

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
You have no rights, only orders to be carried out. If you have a problem with that, we'll make other arrangements.

Fox Mulder:
Well, I've often felt that dreams are answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to ask.

Scully:
Mulder, I don't think BJ was in the woods that night because of engine failure.

Mulder:
What are you talking about?

Scully:
Well, the Motel Black would have been a perfect meeting place. Away from town, away from his wife.

Mulder:
What do you mean?

Scully:
It's obvious BJ and Tillman are having an affair.

Mulder:
How do you know?

Scully:
A woman senses these things.

Scully:
I guess that's why we're going to Aubrey.

Fox Mulder:
Yes. And, also, I've always been intrigued by women named BJ.

John Doggett:
Hell of a thing to wake up to, huh? We stopped after work. She had a beer.

Scully:
Well, the man who hit her had fifteen. Don't do this to yourself, John.

Scully:
It's true, John. She's gone.

John Doggett:
I don't accept that. Look at her breathing. Her heart's still beating. There's got to be hope.

Scully:
There's no measurable electrical activity in her brain. Brain death is... indeed death, John. I'm sorry.

John Doggett:
Oh, it's all right. You work here?

Audrey Pauley:
I'm a patient aide. I deliver the flowers mostly. Are you her husband? You love her, though. She's not gone. Not her soul.

John Doggett:
I wish I could talk to her. I wish I could tell her... Guess I wish a lot of things.

Audrey Pauley:
Your name is John, right? She has a message for you. She says you're a dog person.

John Doggett:
Wait. Where did you get that? Who said that to you?

Audrey Pauley:
I told you. She's not gone.

[to Agent Doggett]

Monica Reyes:
You are a dog person, John.

[In the posh apartment of a Madam]

Scully:
Business must be booming.

Mulder:
I think you mean 'banging'.

Mulder:
Maybe that's it. Maybe that's why Skinner's running. He's afraid.

Scully:
That he did it?

Mulder:
That he doesn't know he didn't do it.

Agent Miller:
Hello, anyone down here?

Dana Scully:
[interrupting Mulder before he can answer] Nobody but the FBI's most unwanted.

Dana Scully:
[to Mulder] I've been waiting 23 years to say that!

Fox Mulder:
How did it feel?

Dana Scully:
Pretty good.

Agent Einstein:
I'll give you two minutes, Agent Mulder, and then I'm due back on Earth.

Cigarette Smoking Man:
You want the truth, Agent Mulder? You've come to the right place!

[he strikes Mulder with a whip]

Fox Mulder:
I saw things though, Scully. Powerful things. I saw deep and unconditional love.

Dana Scully:
I saw things too. I witnessed unqualified hate that appears to have no end.

Fox Mulder:
How to reconcile the two? The extremes of our nature.

Dana Scully:
That's the question. Maybe the question of our times.

Fox Mulder:
Walk with me, Scully.

Mulder:
[Investigating a body] Have you noticed that this man's shoes are untied?

Scully:
Mulder, what's your point?

Mulder:
This means something.

Sheriff Hartwell:
Yeah. Okay. Uh... what she said, that's what I'm thinking, and, uh... Yeah.

Scully:
First of all, if the family of Ronnie Strickland does indeed decide to sue the FBI for, I think the figure is $446 million, then you and I both will most certainly be co-defendants. And second of all... I don't even have a second of all, Mulder! $446 million! I'm in this as deep as you are, and I'm not even the one that overreacted! I didn't do the... [makes jabbing motion with finger] with the thing!

Mulder:
I did not overreact, Ronnie Strickland was a vampire!

Scully:
Where's your proof?

Mulder:
You're my proof! You were there! Okay, now you're scaring me. I want to hear exactly what you're going to tell Skinner.

Scully:
Oh, you want our stories straight.

Mulder:
No, no, I didn't say that! I just want to hear it the way you saw it.

Scully:
I don't feel comfortable with that...

Mulder:
Prison, Scully! Your cellmate's nickname is going to be Large Marge. She gonna read a lot of Gertrude Stein.

Mulder:
Historically, cemeteries were thought to be a haven for vampires, as are castles, catacombs and swamps, but unfortunately, you don't have any of those.

Sheriff Hartwell:
We used to have swamps, only the EPA made us take to calling 'em "wetlands".

Scully:
But I just put money in the "magic fingers"!

Mulder:
[hops on bed] I won't let it go to waste!

Scully:
Begin autopsy on white male, age sixty, who is arguably having a worse time in Texas than I am, though not by much. I'll begin with the Y-incision.

[She picks up the scalpel provided to her and the blade falls off]

Scully:
Yee-ha.

Scully:
Why would a real vampire need fake fangs?

Mulder:
Fangs are very rarely mentioned in the folklore. Real Vampires aren't actually thought to have them. It's more an invention of Bram Stoker's. I think maybe you were right before when you said that this is just a guy who's watched too many Dracula movies. He just happens to be a real vampire.

Scully:
[waiting to speak to Skinner about Mulder's "staking" a suspect] Mulder, please just keep reminding him you were drugged.

Mulder:
[impatiently] Would you stop that.

Scully:
It couldn't hurt.

Mulder:
[impatiently] Stop it.

Walter Skinner:
[enters room] Scully... Mulder...

Mulder:
[interrupting] I was drugged!

Walter Skinner:
Ronnie Strickland's body's disppeared from the morgue, apparently in conjunction with this, the coroner's been attacked. His throat was bitten.

Mulder:
The coroner's dead?

Walter Skinner:
[uncomfortably] No, his... throat was bitten. It was sort of... gnawed... on.

Scully:
[bewildered] But... he was dead!

Mulder:
[bemused] I noticed that.

Scully:
He had a stake through his heart!

Mulder:
I noticed that, too.

John Doggett:
Dead men don't tip, Agent Scully.

John Doggett:
I try to keep an open mind, but it tends to shut my eyes.

Mulder:
It was five hours of Boggs channeling. After three hours I asked him to summon up the soul of Jimi Hendrix and requested 'All Along the Watchtower'. You know, the guy's been dead for 20 years but he still hasn't lost his edge.

Scully:
Good sailing, Ahab.

Captain William Scully:
Good night, Starbuck.

Dana Scully:
[voice over] It began with an act of supreme violence, a big bang, expanding ever outward, cosmos born of matter and gas, matter and gas, ten billion years ago. Whose idea was this? Who had the audacity for such invention? And the reason? Were we part of that plan, ten billion years ago? Are we born only to die? To be fruitful and muliply and replenish the Earth before giving way to our generations? If there is a beginning, must there be an end? We burn like fires in our time, only to be extinguished, to surrender to the elements' eternal reclaim... matter and gas. Will this all end one day, life no longer passing to life? The Earth left barren like the stars above, like the cosmos? Will the hand that lit the flame let it burn down, let it burn out? Could we too become extinct? Or if this fire of life living inside us is meant to go on, who decides? Who tends the flames?

Dana Scully:
Well, Mulder, if it were real then why would an American Indian artifact be fused in rock on the west coast of the African continent?

Fox Mulder:
In 1996, a rock from Mars was found in Antarctica. How did it get there?

Dana Scully:
It was from outer space.

[Mulder smiles and does an exaggerated shrug]

Dana Scully:
[voiceover] From Space, it seems an abstraction - a magician's trick on a darkened stage. And from this distance one might never imagine that it is alive. It first appeared in the sea almost four billion years ago in the form of single-celled life. In an explosion of life spanning millions of years, nature's first multicellular organisms began to multiply... and then it stopped. 440 million years ago, a great mass extinction would kill off nearly every species on the planet leaving the vast oceans decimated and empty. Slowly, plants began to evolve, then insects, only to be wiped out in the second great mass extinction upon the Earth. The cycle repeated again and again. Reptiles emerging, independent of the sea only to be killed off. Then dinosaurs, struggling to life along with the first birds, fish, and flowering plants - their decimations Earth's fourth and fifth great extinctions. Only 100,000 years ago, Homo Sapiens appear - man. From cave paintings to the bible to Columbus and Apollo 11, we have been a tireless force upon the earth and off cataloging the natural world as it unfolds to us. Rising to a world population of over five billion people all descended from that original single cell, that first spark of life. But for all our knowledge, what no one can say for certain, is what or who ignited that original spark. Is there a plan, a purpose or a reason to our existence? Will we pass, as those before us, into oblivion, into the sixth extinction that scientists warn is already in progress?

Frohike:
So Mulder, where's your little partner?

Mulder:
She wouldn't come. She's afraid of her love for you.

Mulder:
[in response to some suggestive remarks about Scully] Frohlike, it's men like you that give perversion a bad name.

Mulder:
Fear. It's the oldest tool of power. If you're distracted by the fear of those around you, it keeps you from seeing the actions of those above.

Mulder:
Mrs. McRoberts?

Bonnie McRoberts:
Yes.

Mulder:
This is Sheriff Spencer, and I'm Agent Fox Mulder, with the Federal Bureau of Investigation. May we come in?

Bonnie McRoberts:
I'm late for work.

Mulder:
You can blame me.

Sheriff Spencer:
In the last six months, seven people have killed twenty-two. Per capita, that's higher than the combined homicide rate of Detroit, D.C., and Los Angeles. This town is not any of those places.

Richard 'Ringo' Langly:
Obviously, you haven't read our August edition of TLG.

Mulder:
Oh, I'm sorry boys. It arrived the same day as my subscription to Celebrity Skin.

Mulder:
Why is it still so hard for you to believe, even when all the evidence suggests extraordinary phenomena?

Scully:
Because sometimes looking for extreme possibilities makes you blind to the probable explanation right in front of you.

Ashman:
Toodles.

Thomas Gastall:
Dr. Voss would be in violation of his confidentiality clause in answering questions regarding the nature of his work here at Morley. I'm sure you understand our cooperation cannot extend itself to revealing corporate secrets.

Walter Skinner:
I'm not sensing any cooperation whatsoever. In fact, I'm one more non-answer away from getting a federal warrant and searching this entire building.

Thomas Gastall:
Then this meeting is over.

Fox Mulder:
Dr. Voss. [toss over an evidence bag containing a bug] Can you tell me what that is?

Dr. Peter Voss:
It's a tobacco beetle. Why?

Fox Mulder:
We found it at Jim Scobie's house.

Dr. Peter Voss:
You find a lot of these around here. They're everywhere - there are probably a dozen in the grill of your car right now.

Thomas Gastall:
May I ask where you're going with this, Agent?

Fox Mulder:
I'm sorry, I can't. Answering that question would violate FBI confidentiality due to the sensitive nature of our investigation.

Fox Mulder:
You don't seem surprised that he's dead.

Ashman:
I guess his number come up.

Ashman:
I'm just glad it wasn't me.

Mulder:
Mulder.

Scully:
Mulder, please tell me I can go home.

Mulder:
Oh, hey, Scully. How's the stakeout?

Scully:
Well, the furnace broke and I can just about see my breath in here.

Mulder:
Ouch. I'm sorry to hear that.

Scully:
That... and I've witnessed a couple hundred things I'd like to erase from my brain. Eww. But as of yet, no mystery woman.

Mulder:
Well, she'll come, you know? It's just a matter of time. She'll show up - I'm sure of that.

Scully:
Yeah, well not before I die of malnutrition.

Mulder:
Hey, Scully, tough it out. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Right? No, no, no, no. No capers, thank you.

Scully:
I'm sorry. What?

Mulder:
I said, "What a... what a crazy caper." I'll talk to you later... and, uh, keep warm. Bye.

Ellen Adderly:
Do you have a... a significant other?

Mulder:
Um, not in the widely understood definition of that term.

Mulder:
Mulder.

Scully:
Mulder. I am free.

Mulder:
You're free?

Scully:
Mm-hmm. I'm going to go home, take a shower for, I don't know eight or nine hours, burn the clothes that I'm wearing and then... sleep until late spring.

Mulder:
Oh, you solved the X-File.

Scully:
Yes, except it's not an X-File, Mulder.

Mulder:
What are you saying? You didn't catch our blonde mystery serial killer?

Scully:
Oh, no, we caught her, but she isn't a serial killer, nor is she a blonde, and she isn't even a she.

Mulder:
What are you talking about?

Scully:
What I'm talking about is the six missing prostitutes aren't dead, Mulder. They are alive and well in a halfway house that was set up by this mystery blonde who happens to go by the name of Mark Scott Egbert and Mr Egbert wishes to acquaint lost souls with the teachings of Christ and that's his hook, I guess. He dresses up like a fellow prostitute to make the girls feel at ease, but this vanishing act is no more paranormal than a change of wardrobe, Mulder. He goes into a place like a, like a woman and he comes out as a man, right under...

Mulder:
...our noses.

Scully:
Exactly. A wolf in sheep's clothing or I guess, in this case, a sheep in wolf's clothing.

Mulder:
Well, good work, Scully. I'll call you back later.

Scully:
Mulder when you find me dead, my dessicated corpse propped up staring lifelessly through the telescope at drunken frat boys peeing and vomiting into the gutter, just know that my last thoughts were of you... and how I'd like to kill you.

Mulder:
I'm sorry. Who is this?

Scully:
No... I don't think it's witchcraft, Mulder, or sorcery. I've had a look around and I don't see any evidence of anything that warrants that kind of suspicion.

Mulder:
Well, maybe you don't know what you're looking for.

Scully:
Like evidence of conjury or the black arts? Or shamanism, divination, Wicca, or any kind of pagan or neo-pagan practice? Charms, cards, familiars, blood-stones, or hex signs, or any kind of the ritual tableau associated with the occult; Santeria, Voudom, Macumba or any high or low magic...

Mulder:
Scully?

Scully:
Yes?

Mulder:
Marry me.

Scully:
I was hoping for something a little more helpful.

[repeated line]

Scully:
I'm on vacation.

[opens eyes]

The Doll:
Let's have fun!

Det. John Kresge:
This is Roberta Sim. Age 40, suicide. She's been dead at least 3 hours. You got a call from her, she must have dialed 1-800-THE-GREAT-BEYOND.

Mulder:
He's okay. It's okay.

Harold Piller:
My son? You saw my son?

Mulder:
He's dead. They're all dead, Harold. Your son, Amber Lynn, and my sister.

Harold Piller:
No.

Mulder:
Harold, you see so much, but you refuse to see him. You refuse to let him go. But you have to let him go now, Harold. He's protected. He's in a better place. They're all in a better place. We both have to let go, Harold.

Scully:
Mulder, what happened? Are you sure you're all right?

Mulder:
I'm free.

Mulder:
[voiceover] They said the birds refused to sing and the thermometer fell suddenly as if God Himself had His breath stolen away. No one there dared speak aloud, as much in shame as in sorrow. They uncovered the bodies one by one. The eyes of the dead were closed as if waiting for permission to open them. Were they still dreaming of ice cream and monkey bars? Of birthday cake and no future but the afternoon? Or had their innocence been taken along with their lives buried in the cold earth so long ago? These fates seemed too cruel, even for God to allow. Or are the tragic young born again when the world's not looking? I want to believe so badly; in a truth beyond our own hidden and obscured from all but the most sensitive eyes...

Mulder:
[voiceover] In the endless procession of souls... in what cannot and will not be destroyed. I want to believe we are unaware of God's eternal recompense and sadness. That we cannot see His truth. That that which is born still lives and cannot be buried in the cold earth. But only waits to be born again at God's behest... where in ancient starlight we lay in repose.

Cigarette Smoking Man:
I like to make myself useful.

Scully:
You can start by putting out that cigarette.

Cigarette Smoking Man:
Got it all figured out, don't you, Agent Scully?

Scully:
All but why you can't just come to the door and knock.

Cigarette Smoking Man:
I did that. No one answered.

Scully:
You're sick.

Cigarette Smoking Man:
I had an operation.

Scully:
What do you want?

Cigarette Smoking Man:
I want you to stop looking.

Scully:
You've wanted that since 1973 when you ordered an end to the search for Agent Mulder's sister. Your initials are on that document.

Cigarette Smoking Man:
Yes, I signed that order because I knew then what I know now. No one is going to find her.

Scully:
Why not?

Cigarette Smoking Man:
Because I believe she's dead. No reason to believe otherwise.

Scully:
You're a liar. If you knew that she was dead why didn't you say something earlier? Why now?

Cigarette Smoking Man:
There was so much to protect before... It's all gone now.

Scully:
So you just let Mulder believe that she was alive for all these years?

Cigarette Smoking Man:
Out of kindness, Agent Scully. Allow him his ignorance... It's what gives him hope.

Mulder:
[from sister's diary] I hope someday he reads this, and knows I wish I could see his face for real.

Clyde Bruckman:
You know, there are worse ways to go, but I can't think of a more undignified way than autoerotic asphyxiation.

Mulder:
Why are you telling me that?

Clyde Bruckman:
Look, forget I mentioned it. It's none of my business.

Mulder:
If coincidences are just coincidences, why do they feel so contrived?

Dana Scully:
There's something you haven't explained. Can you see your own end?

Clyde Bruckman:
I see our end. We end up in bed together. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I don't mean to offend you or scare you, but not here, not this bed. I just mean I see us quite clearly in bed together. You're holding my hand very tenderly, and you're looking at me with such compassion and I feel - tears are streaming down my face - I feel so grateful because it's just a very special moment neither of us will ever forget.

Dana Scully:
Mr. Bruckman, there are hits and there are misses. And then there are misses.

Clyde Bruckman:
I just call them as I see them.

Dana Scully:
Nobody does anything without a reason.

Clyde Bruckman:
You'll find the woman tomorrow morning, by the fat little white Nazi stormtrooper at Glen View Lake. Her body is floating in Glen View Lake. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I've seen enough death for one night.

[cut to next scene; a body is being pulled from the water, Mulder is looking at a large round propane tank]

Mulder:
Be honest, Scully. Doesn't that propane tank bear more than just a slight resemblance to a fat little white Nazi stormtrooper?

Scully:
Mulder, the human mind naturally seeks meaningful patterns and configurations in things that don't inherently have any. Given the suggestion of a particular image, you can't help but see that shape somewhere. If that tank weren't there you'd see it in a, in a rock or in a tree...

Mulder:
Would you answer my question?

Scully:
[grudgingly] Yes, it looks like a fat little white Nazi storm trooper, but that only proves my point!

Dana Scully:
[reading note] My neighbor Mrs. Lowe passed away last night, please see that the remains of her remains are taken care of. Would you like a dog? He is paper trained and well behaved regardless of his actions last night which you can't really blame him for.

[Mr. Bruckman is looking down at the carpet]

Mulder:
What is it? What do you see?

Clyde Bruckman:
He's having sex with her. There.

Scully:
Is he raping her?

Clyde Bruckman:
Oh no, no no, not at all, in fact she's instigating the whole thing.

Mulder:
Then what's wrong?

Clyde Bruckman:
[wistfully] Oh, sometimes it just seems that everyone's having sex except for me.

Mulder:
Step inside, Mr. Bruckman.

Clyde Bruckman:
Why? What is this all about?

Mulder:
A murder was committed here earlier this evening, and we have reason to believe that it was committed by the same person who murdered the women that you found. Is there anything that you can tell us about it?

Clyde Bruckman:
I didn't do it.

Mulder:
You're not under suspicion, but I do harbor a suspicion that you can see things about this crime, things that we can't see.

Clyde Bruckman:
I'm not sure I understand what you mean.

Mulder:
I think you do.

Clyde Bruckman:
Yeah, right. I'd like to see both of your badges again. Right now. [Mulder and Scully show Clyde their badges]

Dana Scully:
I don't blame you, Mr. Bruckman.

Clyde Bruckman:
[looking at Mulder's badge] I'm supposed to believe that's a real name?

Mulder:
[Clyde is in the bathroom throwing up after having a vision of the murder] Pinch me.

Dana Scully:
This guy's performing the same routine as the Stupendous Yappi. He's just doing it in a different style.

Mulder:
No. Something told me, Scully, something *is* telling me this guy's for real.

Dana Scully:
Oh, so now you're psychic?

Clyde Bruckman:
This is real cream, not the phony stuff. I know the difference, and the chocolate! Very rich. Look at these cute little doilies they put everything on. You sure you don't want to join me? [Scully shakes her head "no"] So what are you doing?

Dana Scully:
Studying background checks. This is what detective work is really like. We can't come up with suspects by having visions.

Clyde Bruckman:
Jealous?

Clyde Bruckman:
The killer's going to kill more people before you catch him.

Dana Scully:
Can you see him physically yet?

Clyde Bruckman:
No, no. Just more insight into his character which I know you hate. He thinks he's psychic.

Mulder:
Is he?

Clyde Bruckman:
I hope not! I've seen some of the things he's seen.

Mulder:
Like what, what does he see? [cut to shot of Mulder chasing after someone]

Clyde Bruckman:
You. He sees you. Trying to catch him.

Mulder:
Where does this take place?

Clyde Bruckman:
In a kitchen. [cut to Mulder stalking through a kitchen, gun raised] You're looking around for someone. He's behind you now, but you don't know it. And he's stalking towards you, and, and - oh god!

Dana Scully:
What, what do you see?

Clyde Bruckman:
He's got a knife! It's got blood on it!

Mulder:
Why don't I see him, what am I doing?

Clyde Bruckman:
You're looking down. You stepped in a pie that's fallen to the floor. The killer comes up to you and - coconut cream.

Mulder:
What?

Clyde Bruckman:
The pie! Eh, coconut cream, or is it lemon meringue, I don't know, it's... not sure, it's hazy...

Mulder:
Whatever, please continue!

Clyde Bruckman:
As you're looking down, he comes up with the knife and - banana cream! Definitely banana cream.

Mulder:
All right, I'm looking down at this banana cream pie and then what?

Clyde Bruckman:
He sees himself, coming up to you from behind, and... [in the vision the killer slashes Mulder's throat from behind]

Mulder:
And? And what does he see?

Clyde Bruckman:
Huh. Nothing. The visions of a madman.

Mulder:
Do you remember the first time you foresaw someone's death?

Clyde Bruckman:
1959.

Mulder:
What happened in 1959?

Clyde Bruckman:
Buddy Holly's plane crashed.

Scully:
You prognosticated Buddy Holly's death?

Clyde Bruckman:
Oh god no. Why would I want to do that? But I did have a ticket to see him perform the next night. Actually I was a bigger fan of the Big Bopper than Buddy Holly. Chantilly Lace, that was the song.

Mulder:
I'm not following.

Clyde Bruckman:
The Big Bopper was not supposed to be on the plane with Buddy Holly. He won the seat from somebody else by flipping a coin for it.

Mulder:
I'm still not following.

Clyde Bruckman:
Imagine all the things that had to occur, not only in his life, but in everybody else's, to arrange it so that on that particular night, The Big Bopper would be in a position, to live or die, depending on a flipping coin. I became so obsessed with that idea, that I gradually became capable of seeing the specifics of everybody's death.

Scully:
You know Mr. Bruckman, I'm not one who readily believes in that kind of thing, and if I was I still wouldn't believe *that* story.

Clyde Bruckman:
I know it sounds crazy but I swear it's true: I was a bigger fan of the Big Bopper than Buddy Holly.

Dana Scully:
Our friend from the C.I.A. is about as unbelievable as his story... as is everything about this case. I mean, whatever happened to "trust no one", Mulder?

Fox Mulder:
Oh, I changed it to "trust everyone". I didn't tell you?

Mulder:
I changed it to "Trust Everyone." I didn't tell you?

[Scully thinks that one of Mulder's sources may have murdered an FBI agent]

Mulder:
Is that what you want me to put on my report to Skinner? Because I would be more than happy to have you explain that to him.

Scully:
Damn it, Mulder, that is not my job. You'll pursue a case at the expense of everything, to the point of insanity, and expect me to follow you. There has to be somewhere to draw the line.

Mulder:
Three identical men are dead. A fourth identical man is alive and on the lam. If the pursuit of this case seems like insanity to you, feel free to step away from it.

Mulder:
How can an eight year-old boy who can barely multiply be a threat to national security? And people call me paranoid.

[last lines]

Mulder:
I want to believe...

Mulder:
This is the essence of science: you ask an impertinent question and you're on your way to a pertinent answer.

Kevin Morris:
[Kevin is pointing to the television with a static screen] It's coming from there.

Fox Mulder:
I found it between Miss April and the Women of the Ivy League.

Scully:
What do you think?

Mulder:
I think I'm going to suggest that we sleep with the lights on.

Mulder:
Come on, Scully, it'll be a nice trip to the forest.

Mulder:
Take a good look, Scully.

Scully:
What am I looking at?

Mulder:
Thirty loggers working a clear-cutting contract in Washington State. Rugged, manly men in the full bloom of their manhood.

Scully:
Right, but what am I looking for?

Mulder:
Anything strange, unexplainable, unlikely... a boyfriend?

Scully:
Mulder... Hi.

Mulder:
Who are you?

Scully:
Oh, my God. Don't do that to me. Do you know...? Do you have any idea what you've been through?

Mulder:
Only what I see in your face. Anybody miss me?

[Mulder and Scully have just asked two teens if they saw a flying saucer]

Scully:
Mulder, did you see their eyes? If I were that stoned...

Mulder:
Ooh! If you were that stoned, what?

Scully:
Mulder, you could've shown that kid a picture of a flying hamburger and he would've told that's *exactly* what he saw.

Mulder:
They're here aren't they?

Deep Throat:
Mr. Mulder, THEY'VE been here for a long, long time.

Dana Scully:
Mulder, I refuse to believe that you had any part in this.

Fox Mulder:
I had those people's blood on my shirt, Scully. I was missing for two days, I have no recollection of my actions during those two days, there were two rounds discharged from my gun, I had the keys to this house and the keys to their car. Do the words "Orenthal James Simpson" mean anything to you?

Scully:
Mulder, you don't want me to sing. I can't carry a tune.

Mulder:
Doesn't matter, just sing anything.

Scully:
[singing] Jeremiah was a bullfrog... Was a good friend of mine... Never understood a single word he said... But I helped him drink his wine...

Mulder:
Chorus...

Scully:
Joy to the world... All the boys and girls... Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea... Joy to you and me...

Scully:
Mulder, we've got this conference. They're waiting.

Mulder:
Yeah. How do I say this without using any negative words, Scully...

Scully:
You want me to tell them that you're not going to make it to this year's teamwork seminar.

Mulder:
Yes. You see that? We don't need that conference. We have communication like that - unspoken. You know what I'm thinking!

Mulder:
I was told once that the best way to regenerate body heat was to crawl naked into a sleeping bag with someone else who is already naked.

Scully:
Maybe if it rains sleeping bags, you'll get lucky.

Agent Kinsley:
Last year, was something of a personal revelation. We were doing an exercise called Team Builders where we were given two minutes to build a tower out of ordinary office furniture.

Stonecypher:
When I stood on Mike's shoulders and I put that electric pencil sharpener on top of the pile... we both knew we could never have done it alone.

Mulder:
[whispering to Scully] Kill me now.

Scully:
However, I must remind you, this goes against the bureau's policy of male and female agents consorting in the same motel room while on assignment.

Mulder:
Try any of that Tailhook crap on me Scully, and I'll kick your ass.

Stonecypher:
Have you ever been to a team seminar, Agent Mulder?

Mulder:
No, unfortunately around this time of year I usually develop a severe hemorrhoidal condition.

Jeff Glaser:
If we become blinded by the beauty of nature we may fail to see its cruelty and violence.

Scully:
Walt Whitman?

Jeff Glaser:
No, "When Animals Attack." On the FOX Network.

Scully:
There has to be a scientific explanation for this!

Mulder:
I don't wanna wrestle!

Scully:
[chuckles] Come over here, I'm going to try to keep you warm.

Mulder:
So, lunch?

Scully:
Mulder, toads just fell from the sky!

Mulder:
I guess their parachutes didn't open.

Mulder:
Did you really think you could call up the Devil and ask him to behave?

Mulder:
It's all our questions. The proof that we've suspected but never been able to hold in our hands. That proof is here.

Scully:
Mulder, it's the dim hope of finding that proof that's kept us in this car or one very muh like it for more nights than I care to remember. Driving hundreds, if not thousands of miles, through neighborhoods and cities and towns, where people are raising families and buying homes and playing with their kids and dogs and in short, living their lives. While we... we... we just keep driving.

Mulder:
What is your point?

Scully:
Don't you ever just want to stop? Get out of the damn car... settle down and live something approaching a normal life?

Mulder:
This is a normal life.

Man In Black:
[tapping on window] Please, step out of the car.

Mulder:
[to Scully] You think if maybe we ignore him, he'll go away?

Man In Black:
[tapping on window] Please, step out of the car.

Mulder:
[to Scully] Guess not.

[looking into Fletcher's closet which only holds black suits]

Mulder:
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Johnny Cash.

Scully:
What is going on with you?

Morris Fletcher:
[as Mulder] Will you please stop trying to pick a fight with me?

Scully:
Mulder, you are acting bizarre.

[they turn to Kersh's assistant]

Morris Fletcher:
[snickers] Jealous?

[slaps Scully's ass and walks away. Scully turns around in shock]

JoAnne Fletcher:
Morris! What about Chris?

Mulder:
[as Morris Fletcher]... Chris?

Christine Fletcher:
You said you'd give me an answer today.

JoAnne Fletcher:
Her nose. You said you'd give her an answer about her nose.

Mulder:
Um... I think... I think she's a little young for plastic surgery, don't you think?

[Chris begins sobbing]

JoAnne Fletcher:
Oh for God's sake, Morris. A nose ring! She said she wants a nose ring!

JoAnne Fletcher:
Who is Scully, Morris? Is it another woman?

Mulder:
[as Morris Fletcher] Does Scully sound like a woman's name to you?

JoAnne Fletcher:
I've heard enough from you for one lifetime, Morris. Go tell it to that tramp of yours, that Scully, what's-her-name.

Morris Fletcher:
Dana Scully - Special Agent Dana Scully.

JoAnne Fletcher:
Special Tramp Dana Scully!

Morris Fletcher:
She's my partner, Joanne.

JoAnne Fletcher:
I'm supposed to be your partner.

Morris Fletcher:
My name is not Morris Fletcher. It's Fox Mulder. Special Agent Fox Mulder with the FBI. Dana Scully is my FBI partner. I am not your husband, we are not married, we are complete strangers and I have a whole other life that I'm desperately trying to get back to.

JoAnne Fletcher:
You know, Morris, most men when they have a mid-life crisis they go out and buy themselves a sports car. They don't run around calling themselves Fox.

[Mulder has swapped bodies with another man]

Mulder:
If I shoot him, is that murder or suicide?

Scully:
Neither, if I do it first.

[after finding Mulder's bedroom full of junk]

Morris Fletcher:
This guy hasn't been laid in 10 years.

Morris Fletcher:
You.re the Lone Gunmen, aren't you? You guys are my heroes. I mean look at the crap you print.

Byers:
We uncover the truth.

Morris Fletcher:
The truth? That's what's so great about you monkeys. Not only do you believe the horse pucky we create, you broadcast it as well. I mean look at this!

[headline reads:
"Saddam testing mandroid army in Iraqi desert."]

Morris Fletcher:
There is no Saddam Hussein. This guy's name is John Gillnitz, we found him doing dinner theatre in Tulsa. Did a mean "King and I." Plays good ethnics.

Ringo Langly:
You.re to say that Saddam Hussein is a government plant?

Morris Fletcher:
I'm saying I invented the guy. We set him up in '79. He rattles his saber whenever we need a good distraction. Ah... if you boys only knew how many of your stories I dreamed up while on the pot.

Morris Fletcher:
First time.

Scully:
[Moriss handcuffs himself to the bed]

Morris Fletcher:
Now what?

Scully:
You're not Muldar.

Morris Fletcher:
What?... Baby...

Scully:
Baby me and you will be peeing through a catheter.

Scully:
I'd kiss you if you weren't so damn ugly.

Morris Fletcher:
Oh, I'm sorry, Melvin, that's classified.

Melvin Frohike:
The name's *Frohike*, you punk-ass!

Mulder:
Hey Grandma Top Gun, will you shut the hell up?

Mulder:
Well, on behalf of the International Jewish Conspiracy, I just need to inform you that we're... almost out of gas.

Mulder:
[to P. Crump]... and it's Mr. Mulder to you, ya peanut picking bastard.

[last lines]

Dana Scully:
[under her breath in Kersh's office] Big piles of manure...

[Mulder slows down for a stoplight]

Patrick Crump:
What the hell are you doing?

Mulder:
I'm composing a sonnet; what does it look like I'm doing?

Mulder:
Crump, what else can you tell me about what's happening to you?

Patrick Crump:
Mr. Crump. You call me by my last name you say "mister" in front of it.

Mulder:
Mister. Gotcha.

Patrick Crump:
Not Crump. Mr. Crump.

Mulder:
I can think of something else I'd like to call you. I can put "mister" in front of that too if you'd like.

Scully:
Mulder, it's me. I just had something incredibly strange happen. This piece of metal that they took out of Duane Barry, it has some kind of a code on it. I ran it through a scanner, and some kind of a serial number came up. What the hell is this thing, Mulder? It's almost as if... it's almost as if somebody was using it to catalog him... Mulder! I need your help! Mulder!

[shouts]

Scully:
Mulder!

Scully:
You okay Mulder?

Fox Mulder:
[Nod] Yea.

Scully:
Whatever you are feeling [pause] you did the right thing.

Fox Mulder:
I know it's just that a [pause] I believed him.

Scully:
'Sometimes when you want to believe so badly you end up [pause] looking too hard'. [sigh]

Scully:
Dr Dana Scully. I have just been assigned to the Academy as a forensic investigator. For the past eight years I was part of a unit known as the X-Files. Some of you may have heard of it.

FBI Cadet:
You ever slay a vampire?

Scully:
Sorry to disappoint you, but this is a course in forensic pathology. Hard science. An X-File is a case that has been deemed unsolvable by the Bureau, because such a case cannot be solved it may beg other explanations... a vampire, perhaps. Science, however, tells us that evil comes not from monsters, but from men. It offers us the methodology to catch these men, and only after we have exhausted these methods should we leave science behind to consider more... extreme possibilities.

Scully:
The syringes contained Roperidol. That's the same anti-psychotic medication that she was giving to Dr Richmond.

John Doggett:
He's not the one calling the shots.

Scully:
You still think that it was Kobold?

John Doggett:
This is not about demons, it's not about demonic possession, it's about men.

Scully:
Agent Doggett, have you considered that something else might be going on here?

John Doggett:
I heard you say it, Agent Scully, I heard you tell a classroom full of FBI cadets - most evil in the world comes from men.

Scully:
Yeah, but I also said that when science fails, we have to consider extreme possibilities. I know what you're feeling. I know your frustration. But you can't let it cloud your objectivity.

John Doggett:
Agent Reyes is thinking just what this guy, Kobold, wants her to think, and now you are too.

Josef Kobold:
Agent Reyes believes me, but you don't, Mr. Doggett.

John Doggett:
Doesn't matter what I believe.

Josef Kobold:
I'm wondering... why a skeptic such as yourself would accept assignment to an obscure unit of the FBI devoted exclusively to the investigating of paranormal phenomena.

John Doggett:
You been checking up on me, Professor?

Josef Kobold:
Ordinarily men don't pursue occupations against their own inclination, unless there's some strong countervailing reason. Seeking the love or approval of a woman perhaps. Agent Reyes may have affection for you. But you for her? Of course, it could be someone else, or something else... some dark secret from your past.

John Doggett:
That's enough.

Josef Kobold:
An unsolved tragedy for which you feel responsible, in some morbid way you haven't even admitted to yourself. Perhaps you feel that chasing ghosts will answer the questions which damn you.

John Doggett:
You planned this whole thing. I wanna know why.

Josef Kobold:
I've been thinking a lot about you, Agent Doggett.

John Doggett:
You're not answering my question, Professor.

Josef Kobold:
About why someone so ill-suited would draw this duty. Clearly, you have feelings for her.

John Doggett:
You ordered Dr. Richmond to kill these people, didn't you?

Josef Kobold:
But you can't compete with the long lost Agent Mulder. His easy good looks, his Oxford education...

John Doggett:
This is about you, Professor!

Josef Kobold:
Mulder has what you can't have, but you stumble forward, the flat-footed cop thinking he can put handcuffs on a demon.

John Doggett:
Answer the QUESTION!

Josef Kobold:
You want her... but she feels sorry for you. They both do.

[Doggett assaults him and Kobold begins vomiting profusely]

Dana Scully:
I found a children's book of Norse legends. From what I can tell, the pictures show the end of the world - not in a sudden firestorm of damnation as the Bible teaches us, but in a slow covering blanket of snow. First the moon and the stars will be lost in a dense white fog, then the rivers and the lakes and the sea will freeze over. And finally a wolf named Skoll will open his jaws and eat the sun, sending the world into an everlasting night. I think I hear the wolf at the door.

Deep Throat:
Mulder. If a shark stops swimming, it will die. Don't stop swimming.

Byers:
He's being put into power by the most heinous and evil force of the 20th century.

Mulder:
Barney?

Ringo Langly:
Yeah, UFOs caused the Gulf war syndrome, that's a good one.

Byers:
That's what we like about you Mulder. Your ideas are weirder than ours.

Mulder:
I tied up an air phone for three hours. I don't speak Japanese, but I think some businessman told me to stick a piece of sushi where the sun don't shine.

Ringo Langly:
Check it out, Mulder: I had breakfast with the guy who shot John F. Kennedy.

Mulder:
Is that so?

Ringo Langly:
Old dude now, but yeah. Said he was dressed as a cop on the grassy knoll.

[Ringo picks up the phone and turns on the tape recorder]

Ringo Langly:
Lone Gunmen.

Mulder:
It's Mulder. Turn the tape recorder off.

Ringo Langly:
[pauses] Okay, it's off.

Mulder:
Turn it off!

Ringo Langly:
It's off, already!

Mulder:
I'm wondering which lie to believe.

Dana Scully:
'Purple Rain'?

Fox Mulder:
Great album. Deeply flawed movie.

Angelo Pintero:
[Agitated] Look, I'm not making this up.

Fox Mulder:
No one's suggesting that you are, Mr. Pintero.

Angelo Pintero:
I saw the look on her face.

[Glances at Scully, who gives a deadpan look]

Fox Mulder:
Can I ask you a favor? Can I get a soda? A cola? Something like that?

Angelo Pintero:
Sure. Yeah.

[Walks off to get soda]

Fox Mulder:
[Grinning] What IS that look, Scully?

Dana Scully:
I would've thought that after four years you'd know exactly what that look was.

Martin Alpert:
I brought visitors today. They're investigating a crime.

[the patients appear alarmed]

Martin Alpert:
It's okay. They just want to ask you a few questions.

Fox Mulder:
Hi. I wanted to ask if anyone used the pay phone out in the hallway there, on Friday night? Because somebody called the police and reported a murder.

Martin Alpert:
[whispers to Mulder] Sloppy Joe night.

Fox Mulder:
That was Sloppy Joe night.

Chuck Forsch:
Ooh. That was me! I did it. I admit it, I did it! I'm just a human being, after all!

Martin Alpert:
[Sternly] Chuck, tell the truth.

Chuck Forsch:
Nah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I lied. I lied, but... I'm just a human being!

Judge Maibaum:
Agent Mulder, help me out here. Does 'F.B.I.' stand for Federal Bureau of Imagination?

Fox Mulder:
You know anything about pharmaceuticals?

Melvin Frohike:
Medicinal or, uh, recreational?

Mulder:
You can't help a man who can't help himself.

Scully:
Mulder, you never fail to surprise me. I just wish I felt like eating it right now.

Mulder:
That's cool. We can just wait for the cheese to congeal and eat it later. You miss your regular pizza man, don't you?

Scully:
Yes. That's okay. He's coming by later.

Mulder:
I bet you forgot about that, didn't you?

Scully:
No, I didn't, actually. I thought about it a lot, while I was lying in my hospital bed, wondering what on earth you could have given me.

Mulder:
And?

Scully:
Oh, my God. Oh, Mulder.

Mulder:
Is it what you imagined?

Scully:
Not even close.

Mulder:
Oh, my, that's the wrong doll, actually.

Scully:
But then that's the other gift that you gave me, Mulder. Courage... to believe. And I hope that's a gift I can pass on.

Mulder:
When I first came to work with the FBI I worked in violent crimes. I saw the worst of humanity; I saw monsters, and I wondered how they became that way - how these men became so evil. And there are psychological explanations: victims of their environment, victims of their parents, but the scientific explanations were never truly satisfied. And I began to think about evil like a disease, how it goes from man to man or age to age. Most of us walk around thinking that we're incapable of any acts of evil, and we are. We can stifle that momentary urge to kill or to hurt, we have some kind of immunity to it. But I think it's possible that there's an occurrence in somebody's life, a tragedy or a loss, that leaves them vulnerable; hurts their immunity to evil. And all of a sudden, at that point in their lives when they're weakened, they're open to evil... and they can become evil.

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
You've been at the wheel too long. Would you like me to drive?

Scully:
I might if you let me know where we're going.

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
Knowing that, you'd feel comfortable? You'd trust me? How long did it take Mulder to win your trust?

Scully:
I've always trusted Mulder.

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
You're not being honest with yourself. Think back. There was a time when you feared for your future, for your career when you were first partnered with this man. I told you, I've studied you for years... and if you would permit me, I'd like to make an observation. You're drawn to powerful men but you fear their power. You keep your guard up, a wall around your heart. How else do you explain that fearless devotion to a man obsessed, and, yet, a life alone? You'd die for Mulder but you won't allow yourself to love him.

Scully:
Wow. I'm learning a whole other side to you. You're not just a cold-blooded killer, you're a pop psychologist as well.

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
I've been a destroyer all my life. Before I die, I'd like to prove that I'm capable of something more. Turn here, on the left.

Scully:
Where are we going?

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
To show you what I'm capable of.

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
How do you take your coffee?

Scully:
Unadulterated, thank you.

Scully:
What the hell are you doing?

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
God's work, what else?

Scully:
[to Mulder] You may be right... but for a moment, I saw something else in him. A longing for something more than power. Maybe for something he could never have.

[Cigarette Smoking Man stands outside on the dock. He looks at the disk, then sighs and tosses it into the water. He takes a cigarette out and lights it]

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
It's the cure for all human disease.

Scully:
[shocked] How?

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
It's from that final frontier. It's largely extraterrestrial.

Scully:
Then you would be cured...

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
That which makes miracles can also make great evil. There are those who would use this power for their own purposes: To choose who will live and who will die. Theoretically, I can be cured... Everything I've told you about wanting to make right? [depressed] I'm a lonely man, Dana.

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
Dana...

Scully:
[hateful] Yes, I got it. [She slaps the disk into his hand and turns away]

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
Forgive me. Here... take it. This is for you. [He hands the disk back to her. She leaves quickly]

Scully:
[Quickly] I've gotta go. [Leaves without another word]

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
[looking after her, wistfully] Go...

Scully:
Thanks for ditching me.

Mulder:
I'm sorry, I, uh... I couldn't let you risk your life on this.

Scully:
Did you find what you were looking for?

Mulder:
No... no. But I found something I thought I'd lost.

[Scully gives him a questioning look]

Mulder:
Faith to keep looking.

Mulder:
How was the opera?

Mr. X:
Wonderful. I've never slept better.

[Skinner enters Mulder's apartment after fighting with X]

Skinner:
Agent Mulder took a commercial flight to Tacoma, Washington... there he took a military plane to Deadhorse, Alaska. Using his FBI credentials, he chartered a Rologon All-Terrain Vehicle - still a ten-mile hike across the ice. Here are the co-ordinates of his final destination.

Scully:
Where did you get this?

Skinner:
Unofficial channels.

Skinner:
How hard do you want to make this?

Mr. X:
No harder than it has to be. [head butts Skinner]

Mr. X:
[With a gun in Skinner's face] I've killed men for far less.

Skinner:
You pull that trigger and you'll be killing two men.

Alien Bounty Hunter:
I could have killed you many times before if I wanted to.

Mulder:
[about Samantha] Where is she?

[the Bounty Hunter flings Mulder across the room]

Alien Bounty Hunter:
Is the answer to your question worth dying for? Is that what you want?

Mulder:
Where is she?

[the Bounty Hunter flings Mulder to the other side of the room]

Mulder:
[Gasping for breath] Just tell me where she is!

Alien Bounty Hunter:
[Leans in close] She's alive. Can you die now?

Mulder:
I need to know what you know.

Mr. X:
Fine. They're all dead.

Scully:
This has got to be a conspiracy.

Women:
Aw... Maybe it'll be twins.

Scully:
Thank you, but I would settle for one very healthy boy.

Women:
Oh?

Scully:
Or girl.

Women:
Aww!

Women:
So many secrets, Margaret.

Margaret Scully:
What do you expect? My daughter works for the FBI.

John Doggett:
What is it exactly we're looking for, being I'm starting to piss a lot of people off, Mr. Mulder.

Fox Mulder:
Pissing people off comes with the territory, Agent Doggett.

Alex Krycek:
I wanted to destroy the truth before they learn the truth.

[first lines]

Fox Mulder:
We call it the miracle of life. Conception: a union of perfect opposites - essence transforming into existence - an act without which mankind would not exist, and humanity cease to exist. Or is this just nostalgia now? An act of biology commandeered by modern science and technology? Godlike, we extract, implant, inseminate... and we clone. But has our ingenuity rendered the miracle into a simple trick? In the artifice of replicating life, can we become the creator? Then what of the soul? Can it, too, be replicated? Does it live in this matter we call DNA? Or is its placement the opposite of artifice, capable only by God? How did this child come to be? What set its heart beating? Is it the product of a union? Or the work of a divine hand? An answered prayer? A true miracle? Or is it a wonder of technology - the intervention of other hands? What do I tell this child about to be born? What do I tell Scully? What do I tell myself?

Mulder:
One girl was just abducted.

Scully:
Kidnapped.

Mulder:
Po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe.

Scully:
Mulder, why would alien beings travel light years to Earth in order to play doctor on cattle?

Scully:
Good morning.

Mulder:
Whatever tape you found in that VCR, it isn't mine.

Scully:
Good, because I put it back in that drawer with all those other videos that aren't yours.

Mulder:
So you think that Michelle Charters was raped by a 74-year-old schizophrenic?

Scully:
It's possible.

Mulder:
An invisible 74-year-old schizophrenic.

Scully:
Well, maybe it's not the medication. Maybe it's the place itself.

Mulder:
Are you saying that the building's haunted? Because if you are, I think you've been working with me for too long, Scully.

Scully:
I'm talking about an environmental reason behind what's happening there. Even the disinfectant couldn't mask that smell. Who knows what's breeding behind the walls or in the substructure. Some fungal contaminants have been known to cause delusions, dementia, violent behavior...

Mulder:
Why wouldn't it have affected the other residents?

Scully:
Maybe it has.

Mulder:
I think you're looking too hard, Scully, for something that's not there. I think Michelle Charters concocted this story to get out of a job she hates.

Scully:
That lip required 13 stitches. The blow to her head resulted in a subdural hematoma. That's quite a concoction. Look, I just want to talk to a few more of the patients there. We can catch the same flight out tomorrow night.

Gung Bituen:
Too much is very bad! Very bad! No more for you!

Mulder:
How's everybody doing?

Scully:
[holding her newborn] We're doing just fine.

Mulder:
[to the baby, starting to cry] Hey, now. None of that. [holds the baby in his arms] What are you going to call him?

Scully:
William. After your father.

Mulder:
Well, I don't know. He's... he's got your coloring and your eyes, but he looks suspiciously like Assistant Director Skinner...

Scully:
[chuckles tearfully] I don't understand, Mulder. They came to take him from us; why they didn't...

Mulder:
I don't quite understand that either, except that maybe he isn't what they thought he was. That doesn't make him any less of a miracle though, does it?

Scully:
From the moment I became pregnant, I feared the truth... about how... and why. And I know that you feared it, too.

Mulder:
I think what we feared were the possibilities. The truth we both know.

Scully:
Which is what?

[Mulder leans in for a kiss]

Mulder:
You told me that he told you he knew how to stop Billy Miles. Are you telling me now that you think he's a liar?

John Doggett:
He is or he isn't. What the hell difference does it really make?

Mulder:
It doesn't make any difference at all unless you want to protect Scully and that baby.

John Doggett:
And then what? How long can you keep this up? How long until the next Billy Miles rears his head - the next threat, the next phantom - you ever stop to ask yourself? All the sacrifice, the blood-spill... You've given nearly a decade of your life. Where the hell is it all gonna end?

Mulder:
I don't know. Maybe it doesn't.

Monica Reyes:
I have to say, with everything I know you must be feeling, you look amazingly beautiful, Dana.

Alex Krycek:
[pointing a gun at Mulder] It doesn't seem fair now. It doesn't seem right... coming out of this.

Mulder:
What do you know about fair or right, Krycek? You're a coward.

Alex Krycek:
I could've killed you so many times, Mulder, you gotta know that. I'm the one that kept you alive... praying you'd win somehow.

Mulder:
Then there really is no God.

Alex Krycek:
You think I'm bad; I'm a killer. We wanted the same thing, brother, that's what you don't understand.

Mulder:
I wanted to stop them. All you wanted was to save your own ass.

Alex Krycek:
No. I tried to stop them. I tried to kill Scully's baby to stop them, but it's too late. The tragedy is that you... you wouldn't let it go!... That's why I have to do this. 'Cause you know how deep it goes, right into the FBI.

Mulder:
You want to kill me, Alex, kill me, like you killed my father.

[slowly walks toward Krycek]

Mulder:
Just don't insult me trying to make me understand.

[after being shot by Skinner]

Alex Krycek:
It's going to take more bullets than you can ever fire to win this game. One bullet, and I can give you a thousand lives... shoot Mulder.

[Skinner shoots Krycek in the head]

FBI Deputy Director Alvin Kersh:
I'm to take this story seriously? These incidents at the FBI, this account of Agent Scully's birth - I'm to submit this report as quality investigative work, as representative of actual fact?

John Doggett:
I signed the report there, sir.

FBI Deputy Director Alvin Kersh:
Yeah, I see it, John. And I see her signature here, too. [turns to Agent Reyes]... on an X-File? I'd like to know when you assigned yourself, Agent Reyes.

Monica Reyes:
Agent Doggett assigned me, sir.

FBI Deputy Director Alvin Kersh:
Agent Doggett cannot just assume the authority of this office.

John Doggett:
I assume it because this office is under investigation for a late night meeting between you, Agent Crane, and an intelligence operative named Knowle Rohrer.

Monica Reyes:
Both men were presumed dead, but are now missing, in actual fact.

[they begin to walk out of Kersh's office]

FBI Deputy Director Alvin Kersh:
You investigate what *I* tell you.

John Doggett:
And you put me on the X-Files: that's what I'm investigating.

Skinner:
For every step you take they're three steps ahead.

Mulder:
What about you, where do you stand?

Skinner:
I stand right on the line you keep crossing.

Scully:
According to the briefing, the prisoners escaped while hiding in a laundry cart.

Mulder:
I don't think the guards have been watching enough prison movies.

Cigarette Smoking Man:
What's the truth, Agent Mulder?

Mulder:
Hey, listen Scully, I need to know how this happened. I want you to start documenting everything you can get your hands on. People have to know about the cover-up.

Scully:
The public?

Mulder:
It's a public health crisis.

Scully:
Mulder, we can't leak this. Not until we know more. The futigive that you're looking for, he might not even be infected.

Mulder:
Yeah, but what if he is?

Scully:
If this gets out prematurely, the panic is gonna spread faster than the contagion. Mulder, we can't let this be known.

Mulder:
What if someone dies because we withheld what we knew?

Scully:
What if someone dies because we didn't? There'll be a time for the truth, Mulder, but this isn't it.

Mulder:
Why weren't we told the truth?

Cigarette Smoking Man:
We didn't know the truth. What we knew only would have slowed you down.

Mulder:
But innocent people could be infected! What you knew could have prevented that!

Cigarette Smoking Man:
How? In 1988 there was an outbreak of hemorrhagic fever in Sacramento, California. The truth would have caused panic. Panic would have caused lives. We controlled the disease by controlling the information.

Mulder:
You can't protect the public by lying to them.

Cigarette Smoking Man:
It's done everyday.

Dana Scully:
You're entitled to the truth!

Max Fenig:
Say no more. You're a cautious man. Trust no one. Very wise. After what happened to JFK, I understand completely.

Frohike:
[Mulder's phone rings] If that's the lovely Agent Scully, tell her I've been working out. I'm buff.

Fox Mulder:
Where's Langly?

Byers:
He has a philosophical aversion to having his image bounced off a satellite.

Fox Mulder:
I saw David Copperfield make the Statue of Liberty disappear, once.

Fox Mulder:
[voiceover] Willa Ambrose and Ed Meecham have been charged with manslaughter for the death of Kyle Lang. And though the courts will rule on this matter, and justice will be no doubt be served, the pall of a greater tragedy remains. The motives of the silent visitors who set these events in motion remain unclear. Could this be a judgement on a global rate of extinction that has risen to 1000 times its natural rate in this century? An act of alien conservation of animals we are driving hard toward oblivion? And if so, might it follow that our own fate and existence could finally be dependent upon the conservatorship of an extraterrestrial race? Or in the simple words of a creature whose own future is uncertain, will "man save man?" - As they drive, they pass a church with a sign in front on which is written "Man has no pre-eminence above a beast: for all is vanity. Eccl 3:19."

Mulder:
Brown Mountain, Scully, that doesn't ring a bell?

Scully:
No...

Mulder:
Brown Mountain lights? It's a famous atmospheric phenomenon dating back nearly 700 years, witnessed by thousands of people, back to the Cherokee Indians. Strange multicolored lights are seen to dance above the peak of the mountain. There's been no geological explanation, no scientific credible explanation at all.

Scully:
And, what does that have to do with these two?

Mulder:
Well, as I said, there is no credible scientific explanation, but there are those of us that believe that these strange multicolored lights are really...

Scully:
UFOs. Extra-terrestrial visitors from beyond who apparently have nothing better to do than buzz one mountain over and over again for 700 years.

Mulder:
It sounds like crap when you say it.

Scully:
My role in the X-files have always been to provide a rational, scientific perspective to cases that would seem to defy explanation, a counterpoint to Agent Mulder.

Walter Skinner:
And you have done that. You have performed admirably.

Scully:
Have I? How many X-files have my scientific approach fully and satisfactorily explained?

Walter Skinner:
Your reports have consistently made sense of his conclusions.

Scully:
Mulder, can you just, for once, just for the novelty of it, come up with the simplest explanation? The most logical one, instead of automatically jumping to UFOs or Bigfoot or...

Mulder:
Scully, in 6 years how often have I been wrong? No, seriously. I mean, every time I bring a new case we go through this perfunctory dance, you tell me I'm not being scientifically rigorous and that I'm off my nut; and in the end who turns out to be right like 98.9 percent of the time? I just think I've earned the benefit of the doubt here.

Scully:
Mr Danfous, I am Special Agent Dana Scully with the FBI.

Bob Damphouse:
What's so special about ya?

Scully:
It's an FBI title, sir.

Bob Damphouse:
I know it is. I'm not stupid!

Mulder:
Well, that's one of the luxuries to hunting down aliens and genetic mutants. You rarely get to press charges.

Scully:
Mulder, you just keep unfolding like a flower.

Mulder:
I was merely extending her a professional courtesy.

Scully:
Oh is that what you were extending?

Mulder:
Sooner or later a man's gotta face his demons.

Cecil L'Ively:
You can't fight fire with fire!

Cecil L'Ively:
So, you guys ever smoked a cigarette?

Michael Marsden:
No, they're bad for you.

Cecil L'Ively:
Would you like to take a puff, Michael?

Michael Marsden:
...No.

Cecil L'Ively:
It'll make a man out of you.

[last lines]

Cecil L'Ively:
I'm just dying for a cigarette.

Mulder:
There's something else I haven't told you about myself, Scully. [sigh] I hate fire... I hate it. Scared to death of it. When I was a kid my best friend's house burned down... had to spend the night in the rubble to keep away looters. For years I had nightmares about being trapped in a burning building.

Mulder:
I'm going to go find Trepkos.

Scully:
What if he's already dead?

Mulder:
Then he'll have a tough time answering my questions.

Fox Mulder:
[to the Lone Gunmen] If I were you guys, right now I'd be checking my shorts for cake.

Mulder:
Maybe out past where the imagination ends our true natures lie, waiting to be confronted on their own terms. Born in anarchy with an unquenchable bloodthirst we shudder to think what might rise up from the darkness.

Fox Mulder:
[Mulder prepares to enter the gamezone] Bring it on.

Dana Scully:
Dressing up like high-tech warriors to play a futuristic version of "cowboys & indians"? What kind of moron gets his ya-yas out like that?

Fox Mulder:
[points to himself]

Dana Scully:
Mulder, what purpose does this game serve except to add to a culture of violence in a country that's already out of control?

Fox Mulder:
Who says it adds to it?

Dana Scully:
You think that taking up weapons and creating gratuitous virtual mayhem has any redeeming value whatsoever? That the testosterone frenzy that it creates stops when the game does?

Fox Mulder:
Well that's rather sexist, isn't it? Maybe the game provides an outlet for certain impulses. That it fills a void in our genetic makeup that the more civilizing effects of society fail to provide for.

Dana Scully:
Well that must be why men feel the great need to blast the crap out of stuff.

Mulder:
[Mulder is restrained in a hospital bed] Five years together, Scully. You *must* have seen this coming.

Dana Scully:
Well, there is no victim. He killed himself.

Fox Mulder:
Well, then, I'm sure he won't mind me talking to some of his friends. Here's someone he talked to every night. "Gupta."

Dana Scully:
Dr. Sanjay is from western India. Gupta's a Marathi word. It means "secret."

Fox Mulder:
How do you know that?

Dana Scully:
I'm old-school, Mulder. Pre-Google.

Murphy:
Agents Mulder and Scully, dissemination of any classified material, either internally or publically, will be dealt with harshly.

Fox Mulder:
I'm familiar with Edward Snowden.

Dana Scully:
[to Agnes] I'm a doctor. You can tell me anything.

Dana Scully:
Is this what you believe happened to me 15 years ago? When I got pregnant, when I had my baby? Was I just an incubator?

Fox Mulder:
You're never "just" anything to me, Scully.

Rebecca:
Bad things happen when the birds gather.

Dana Scully:
This is dangerous.

Fox Mulder:
When has that ever stopped us before?

Fox Mulder:
I blacked out after Goldman's eyes popped out of their sockets. Believe me, you can't unsee that.

Gupta:
The truth [touches Mulder's chest over his heart] is in here.

Fox Mulder:
Yeah, I've heard something like that.

Dana Scully:
Think he's telling the truth?

Fox Mulder:
Until I can figure out why he'd lie, yeah.

Colonel Wharton:
Sorry, I'm having my breakfast.

Fox Mulder:
That's alright, we already ate.

Scully:
So what IS our profile of the killer? Indeterminate height, weight, sex; unarmed but extremely attractive?

Scully:
There's something up there Mulder

Mulder:
Oh I've been saying that for years.

Scully:
It just means proving to the world the existence of alien life is not my last dying wish.

Mulder:
How about Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny?

[seeing a dead body in the snow]

Mulder:
Funny place to take a nap.

Mulder:
Using psychology to solve a crime was something like...

Scully:
Believing in the paranormal?

[about Mulder's encounter with a gargoyle]

Scully:
Maybe you're just seeing what you wanted to see.

Mulder:
What makes you think I'd want to see that?

Agent Bill Patterson:
My advice to you, Scully: Let Mulder do what he has to do. Don't get in his way. And don't try to hold him back because you won't be able to.

Walter Skinner:
[regarding Mulder's erratic behavior] Are you worried about him, Agent Scully?

Scully:
No, sir.

Walter Skinner:
Off the record.

[pause]

Walter Skinner:
So am I.

[last lines]

Mulder:
We work in the dark. We do what we can to battle the evil that would otherwise destroy us. But if a man's character is his fate, this fight is not a choice but a calling. Yet sometimes the weight of this burden causes us to falter, breaching the frazzled fortress of our mind, allowing the monsters without to turn within. We are left alone staring into the abyss; into the laughing face of madness.

Dana Scully:
Do you know how much the human body is worth, Mulder?

Fox Mulder:
Depends on the body. I don't know, a few bucks?

[while conducting an autopsy]

Fox Mulder:
You're saying that this guy was selling his body parts for money?

Dana Scully:
A kidney, a portion of the liver, a cornea, bone marrow - a person can lose these things and live to cash the social security checks.

Fox Mulder:
He won't be cashing any social security checks any time soon.

[to Mulder and Scully]

Det. Glen Chao:
Look, you don't even know what the hell you're dealing with. This isn't some pretty little lacquer box you can just take the lid off and find out what's inside. You might see the face of a Chinese man here but let me tell you something: they don't see the same face. They see the face of a cop. American-born Chinese - A.B.C. To them, I'm just as white as you are.

Detective Van Allen:
You Reyes?

John Doggett:
I'm Doggett. She's Reyes.

Monica Reyes:
Detective Van Allen?

Detective Van Allen:
That's right.

Monica Reyes:
I appreciate your help on this.

Detective Van Allen:
What help is that?

Monica Reyes:
On this investigation.

Detective Van Allen:
There isn't a lot to investigate. I mean, Victor Potts wasn't exactly one of the FBI's ten most wanted.

John Doggett:
I think she means your insight into the way he died, Detective.

Detective Van Allen:
Don't have any. But I'm sure you'd rather talk to somebody who actually gives a damn, right?

John Doggett:
Hate to say it but, he probably sums up most peoples feelings.

Terry Pruit:
I always said, there's three kinds of people in the world: them who make things happen, them who watch things happen, and them who wonder what happened.

Scully:
Nothing happens in contradiction to nature, only in contradiction to what we know of it.

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
The fiercest enemy is the man who has nothing left to lose.

Alien Bounty Hunter:
[the alien bounty hunter walks down the hallway, dressed in a black suit and tie. He opens the door to Mrs. Mulder's room and walks over to the bed, looking at the respirator. He looks over to the Cigarette-Smoking Man on the other side of the bed] I need to know the reasons why this should be.

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
[sounding fake] So that the work may continue. So that the project may proceed unabated by removing an unnecessary obstacle.

Alien Bounty Hunter:
What obstacle?

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
Agent Mulder, Actually... [stares down at Ms. Mulder and holds his unlit cigarette nervously] if his mother were to die, he would...

Alien Bounty Hunter:
[impatiently] He would what?

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
You see... the fiercest enemy is the man who has nothing left to lose... and you know how important Agent Mulder is to the equation. [the bounty hunter nods slightly, then closes the door. After them mentally preparing for the upcoming task, the Cigarette-Smoking Man tenses up as his cohort places his hand on Mrs. Mulder's forehead. The bounty hunter closes his eyes and Mrs. Mulder's begin to flutter open, slowly. She looks over to the Cigarette-Smoking Man, who is transfixed on her]

Elder:
He isn't coming.

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
I told you.

Elder:
Then where is he?

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
I don't know. Certainly, he anticipated we'd be here, waiting...

Elder:
[the door opens and the Gray-Haired Man walks in. The Elder closes the door] Unless we have a security leak.

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
Who?

Elder:
I've come in receipt of some pictures... of your visit to Ms. Mulder's summer house. [He hands Cigarette Smoking Man a picture of him and Ms. Mulder arguing on the porch] Were you aware you were being photographed?

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
[looking sad and surprised] By whom?

Elder:
I believe that can be determined by a simple planting of information... to see where that information flows.

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
...What information?

Elder:
That Mrs. Mulder's life is in danger... that left unprotected... she may come to an unnatural end. [the Cigarette-Smoking Man looks down at Mrs. Mulder with sorrow]

Fox Mulder:
I've seen too many things not to believe

Scully:
I've seen things too, but there are answers to be found now. we have hope that there is a place to start. that's what i believe

Fox Mulder:
[sighing] you put such faith in your science; from the things ive seen, science provides no place to start

Scully:
nothing happens in contradiction to nature, only in contradiction to what we know of it, and that's a place to start, that's where the hope is

Walter Skinner:
If I'm carrying Marilyn Monroe's purse, do you assume I slept with JFK?

Garry Shandling:
Do you dress to the left or to the right?

Fox Mulder:
Wh... huh... what do you mean?

Garry Shandling:
Look, when I play a character, I need to find his center, his sort of rudder, so to say. And then every thing comes from that.

Fox Mulder:
I guess mostly to the left.

Garry Shandling:
Mostly?

Fox Mulder:
Most of the time.

Garry Shandling:
Most of the time... To the left... Wardrobe!

Wayne Federman:
It's actually... It's a writer-slash-producer.

Mulder:
Well, that's actually just a hindrance-slash-pain-in-the-neck.

Wayne Federman:
Just curious if she's more than your partner.

Mulder:
Enough, Wayne.

Wayne Federman:
Hey, whatever.

Scully:
Maybe true faith is really a form of insanity.

Wayne Federman:
Looks like your underground hero went from counterculture to counterfeiter.

Fox Mulder:
One more pun and I pull out my gun.

Cigarette Smoking Pontiff:
I'll offer you a deal. You give me the Lazarus bowl and I'll give you Scully.

T?a Leoni:
Mulder!

Garry Shandling:
How about this deal? You give me Scully, I don't smash the Lazarus bowl and shove the pieces where the Son of God don't shine you Cigarette-Smoking Mackerel Snapper.

Walter Skinner:
Agent Scully, if I am carrying Marilyn Monroe's purse, do you assume that I slept with JFK?

Fox Mulder:
You know Scully, I was just thinking about Lazarus, Ed Wood, and those Tofurkey-eatin' zombies. How come when people come back from the dead, they always wanna hurt the living?

Scully:
Well, that's because people can't really come back from the dead, Mulder. I mean, ghosts and zombies are just projections of our own repressed cannibalistic and sexual fears and desires. They are who we fear that we are at heart. Just mindless automatons who can only kill and eat.

Fox Mulder:
Party pooper. Well, I got a new theory. I say that when zombies try to eat people, that's just the first stage. You see, they've just come back from being dead, so they're gonna do all the things they missed from when they were alive. So first, they're gonna eat. Then, they're gonna drink. Then, they're gonna dance and make love.

Scully:
Oh, I see. So, it's just that we never get to stay with them long enough to see the gentler side of the undead.

Fox Mulder:
Exactly.

Scully:
Meanwhile, I've quit the FBI and become a spokesperson for the Ab-Roller.

Fox Mulder:
Oh, that was just a little too Chuck Bronson for me.

Fox Mulder:
Well, just find yourself a man with a spotless genetic make-up and a really high tolerance for being second-guessed and start pumping out the little uber-Scullies.

Scully:
What about your family?

Fox Mulder:
Well, aside from the need for corrective lenses and a tendency to be abducted by extraterrestrials involved in an international governmental conspiracy, the Mulder family passes genetic muster.

Fox Mulder:
What? I wasn't gonna shoot the kid. I don't do stairs anymore.

Dana Scully:
Mulder, back in the day, I used to do stairs and in three-inch heels.

Fox Mulder:
Back in the day. Scully, back in the day is now.

Mulder:
I think there's a hiding space under the floorboards.

Scully:
What are you going to do?

Mulder:
There may be somebody trapped under there.

Scully:
Mulder, don't.

Mulder:
I got to get them out.

Scully:
Not now.

Mulder:
Hey, you have a gun, right? Rationally, you've been in much more dangerous situations. I was half right.

Scully:
Oh, my God.

Mulder:
Hey, Scully... Look at this.

Scully:
It's a woman. Mulder, it looks like they were shot to death.

Mulder:
Yeah.

Scully:
You know what's weird?

Mulder:
What?

Scully:
Mulder, she's wearing my outfit.

Mulder:
How embarrassing.

Scully:
Yeah, well, you know what? He's wearing yours.

Mulder:
Oh... Scully...

Scully:
That's us.

Scully:
The dark Gothic manor, the omnipresent low fog hugging the thicket of overgrowth... Wait. Is that a hound I hear baying out on the moors?

Mulder:
No, actually that was a left cheek sneak.

Scully:
Mulder... None of that really happened out there tonight... That was all in our heads, right?

Mulder:
It must have been.

Scully:
Mmm. Not that, uh, my only joy in life is proving you wrong.

Mulder:
When have you proved me wrong?

Scully:
Well... Why else would you want me out there with you?

Mulder:
You didn't want to be there? Oh, that's, um... That's self-righteous and... narcissistic of me to say, isn't it?

Scully:
No, I mean... Maybe I did want to be out there with you.

Mulder:
Now, um... I know we said that we weren't going to exchange gifts but, uh... I got you... a little something.

Scully:
Mulder...

Mulder:
Merry Christmas.

Scully:
Well, I got you a little something, too.

Scully:
Mulder.

Mulder:
[alarmed at a noise] Shhh! What was that?

Scully:
[irritably rational] These are tricks that the mind plays. They are ingrained clich?s from a thousand different horror films. When we hear a sound, we get a chill, we, we- we see a shadow and we allow ourselves to imagine something that an otherwise rational person would discount out of hand.

[Mulder just continues up the dark staircase. Frustrated, Scully pulls out her flashlight and follows him]

Scully:
[continuing to rationalize nervously] The whole, Mulder- the whole idea of a benevolent entity fits perfectly with what I'm saying, that, I mean, that a spirit would materialize or return for no other purpose than to show itself is silly and ridiculous. I mean, what it really shows is how silly and ridiculous we have become in believing such things. I mean that... that we can ignore all natural laws about the corporeal body, that... that we witness these spirits clad in their own, shabby outfits, with the same old haircuts and hairstyles, never aging, never- never in search for more comfortable surroundings... it actually ends up saying more about the living than it does about the dead.

Mulder:
[only half-listening] Mmm-huh.

Scully:
[clearly rattling on in fear and nervousness] And Mulder, it doesn't take an advanced degree in Psychology to understand the unconscious yearnings that these imaginings satisfy. You know, the... the longing for immortality, the hope that there is something beyond this mortal coil, that we might never be long without our loved-ones... I mean, these are powerful, powerful desires. I mean, they're the very essence of what makes us human... the very essence of Christmas, actually.

[a door nearby suddenly opens on its own with a loud creak]

Mulder:
[breathless; whispering] Tell me you're not afraid.

Scully:
[breathless also, but stringent] All right, I'm afraid. But it's an irrational fear.

Mulder:
[rooted to his spot, letting her go first] I got your back.

Scully:
[turning back, seeing that he hasn't moved] Thank you.

Mulder:
I almost gave up on you.

Scully:
Sorry. Checkout lines were worse than rush-hour on the 95. If I heard "Silent Night" one more time, I was gonna start taking hostages.

Lydia:
[opening her robe to show a massive hole through her torso] I don't show my hole to just anyone.

Mulder:
Why are you showing it to *me*?

Lydia:
[Mulder moves Lydia aside] Masher.

Mulder:
Frump.

Lydia:
Think of it as the last Christmas you'll ever spend alone. [Lydia disappears]

Maurice:
You've probably convinced yourself you've seen aliens. You know why you think you see the things you do?

Mulder:
Because... I *have* seen them?

Maurice:
'Cause you're lonely men. A lonely man chasing para-mastabatory illusions that you believe will give your life meaning and significance, which your pathetic social maladjustment makes impossible for you to find elsewhere. You probably consider yourself... passionate, serious, misunderstood. Am I right?

Mulder:
...Para-mastabatory?

Mulder:
I could be mistaken. Maybe it was another bald-headed, jigsaw-puzzle-tattooed, naked guy I saw.

Dr. Blockhead:
Did you know that through the protective Chinese practice of Tiea Bu Shan, you can train your testicles to draw up into your abdomen?

Mulder:
Oh, I'm doing that as we speak.

[erupting from beneath a coffin at a funeral]

Dr. Blockhead:
Not having known the deceased personally, I'm in no position to perform a proper eulogy! I'm sure he was a nice guy, et cetera, et cetera. But as an admirer of the man's work, I am in a position to perform an impromtu tribute in his honor - namely, ramming this spike into my chest!

[after the funeral, attended exclusively by circus performers, breaks up due to Dr. Blockhead's impromptu performance]

Mulder:
I can't wait for the wake.

[Sheriff Hamilton catches Mulder and Scully digging in his backyard]

Sheriff Hamilton:
May I ask what you're doing?

Mulder:
We're exhuming... your potato.

[Mulder and Scully enter and see Dr. Blockhead sitting on a bed of nails, untangling dozens of fishing lines attached to dozens of fishing hooks planted in the skin of his chest]

Dana Scully:
Mr. Swaim, federal agents, we're here to...

[stops and stares]

Dr. Blockhead:
It's a variation of a Native American sun dance ritual. I suspend myself by these hooks, and the pain becomes so unbearable I leave my body. If people knew the true price of spirituality, there'd be more atheists.

Dana Scully:
Mr. Swaim, we're here to question you about some recent murders.

Dr. Blockhead:
I don't answer any questions until I talk to my lawyer.

Mulder:
Who's your lawyer?

Dr. Blockhead:
I represent myself.

Dana Scully:
Is this man also a body manipulator?

Dr. Blockhead:
No, in the classical sense, the Conundrum's a geek.

Mulder:
He eats live animals?

Dr. Blockhead:
He eats anything. Live animals, dead animals, rocks, lightbulbs, corkscrews, battery cables, cranberries...

Dana Scully:
[talking about her autopsy on Lanny] I've never seen anything like it.

Dr. Blockhead:
And you never will again. Twenty-first century genetic engineering will not only eliminate the siamese twins and the alligator-skin people, but you're gonna be hard-pressed to find a slight overbite, or a not-so-high cheekbone. You see, I've seen the future, and the future looks just like him!

[points to Mulder]

Dr. Blockhead:
Imagine, going through your whole life looking like that.

[after correcting Mulder's assumption that he was a circus performer]

Mulder:
I'm sorry. I meant no offense.

Mr. Nutt:
Well, why should I take offense? Just because it's human nature to make assumptions about people purely on the basis of their physical appearances? Why, I've done the same thing to you, for example. I've taken in your all-American features, your dour demeanor, your unimaginative necktie design, and concluded that you work for the government... an FBI agent. But you see the tragedy? I have unconsciously reduced you to a stereotype, instead of regarding you as a specific, unique individual.

Mulder:
But I am an F.B.I. agent.

[after the Enigma drops off Blockhead's check]

Mr. Nutt:
So tell me, Commodore, why are the weirdos the only ones who pay their rent checks in advance?

[Commodore starts barking at the door]

Mr. Nutt:
I warn you, you tattooed cretin, I have a licensed firearm and am more than eager for an opportunity to use it!

[last lines]

Mulder:
Hey, what's the matter with your friend?

Dr. Blockhead:
I don't know what his problem is. Maybe it's the Florida heat.

Dana Scully:
Hope it's nothing serious.

The Conundrum:
[His only line] Probably something I ate.

Scully:
Have you ever had any dealings with a cow?

Mulder:
Agent Scully, just exactly WHAT are you implying?

Dr. Blockhead:
That's why it's up to the self-made freaks like me and The Conundrum to remind people.

Dana Scully:
Remind people of what?

Dr. Blockhead:
Nature abhors normality. It can't go for long without creating a mutant. Do you know why?

Dana Scully:
No, why?

Dr. Blockhead:
I don't know either. It's a mystery. Maybe some mysteries are never meant to be solved.

Mulder:
We're exhuming your - potato.

[Mulder falls on a bed of nails]

Dana Scully:
Mulder, are you okay?

Mulder:
It's more comfortable than a futon.

Mr. Nutt:
Just because I'm not of so-called average height does not mean I must receive my thrills vicariously. Not all women are attracted to overly tall, lanky men such as yourself. You'd be surprised how many women find my size intriguingly alluring.

Mulder:
You'd be surprised how many men do as well.

Robert 'Rob' Roberts:
[to Mulder & Scully] I'm sorry, but this is like good cop, insane cop.

Dr. Hodge:
Can we see some credentials?

Bear:
[chuckling] Credentials. The only credentials I have is that I'm the only pilot willing to fly you up there. You don't like those credentials? Walk.

Fox Mulder:
[the three men on the expedition are undressing to check each other's bodies for signs of infection] Before anyone passes judgment, may I remind you, we are in the Arctic.

Fox Mulder:
This is Agent Mulder. We have a serious biological hazard. Request air pick-up and quarantine procedures. Over. [static] Come in, Doolittle Airfield.

Doolittle Airfield:
We copy, Agent Mulder. This area is under a heavy storm and no aircraft can get out for the next day. Maybe the military base in Kotzebue can set up a quarantine. Advise immediate evacuation. The arctic storm is bearing in your direction. Over.

Fox Mulder:
We were told we'd have three clear days of weather. Over.

Doolittle Airfield:
Welcome to the top of the world, sir.

Mr. Burt:
[held at gunpoint by Scully for the second time] So, you're saying I didn't have anything to do with it?

Dana Scully:
[Mr Burt puts down his hands] Hey, keep you hands up!

Mr. Burt:
Why?

Dana Scully:
I don't know.

Mr. Burt:
What's this about numbers?

Dana Scully:
Will you just...!

Mr. Burt:
I'm very good with numbers.

Monica Reyes:
The killer is driven by an impulse we believe is numerological.

Mr. Burt:
Of course, he's a serial killer.

Dana Scully:
What are YOU looking at?

Mr. Burt:
Same thing you are.

Mr. Burt:
So, it's a kind of a game.

Dana Scully:
No, it's not.

Monica Reyes:
No, maybe it is. Maybe that's what this is about - who wins the game.

Mr. Burt:
I think she's on to something!

Dana Scully:
Agent Reyes, you can't reduce a complex factor's physical and psychological into a game.

Monica Reyes:
You're a scientist, Agent Scully, your world is ruled by numbers. Atoms, molecules, periodicity...

Mr. Burt:
Wow!

Monica Reyes:
And wouldn't it follow that everything you've made from those things is ruled by numbers, too? Genes, chromosomes, us... the universe!

Mr. Burt:
Go, girl!

Dana Scully:
[on explaining how a young boy could reappear after 10 years without aging even a day] There are X-files cases, that describe similar paranormal findings. Alien abductees, who came back with anomalous medical stats.

John Doggett:
You know, these words, "anomalous", "supernatural", "paranormal", they proport to explain something by not explaining it. It's lazy!

Mulder:
You know, people videotape police beatings on darkened streets. They manage to spot Elvis in three cities across America every day, but no one saw a pretty woman being forced off the road in a rental car.

Karen Kosseff:
Is it your partner? Is there a problem with trust?

Scully:
No. I trust him as much as anyone. I trust him with my life.

Mulder:
It's been said that fear of the unknown is an irrational response to the excesses of the imagination. But our fear of the everyday, of the lurking stranger and the sound of footfalls on the stairs, the fear of violent death and the primitive impulse to survive, are as frightening as any X-File; as real as the acceptance that it could happen to you.

Agent Bocks:
You're saying some human's been doing this?

Mulder:
If you want to call him that.

Mulder:
You okay, Scully?

Scully:
Yeah. I've read about cases of desecrating the dead before but this is the first time I've seen it.

Mulder:
Nothing can prepare you for it; it's almost unimaginable.

Scully:
Why do they do it?

Mulder:
Well, some people collect salt & pepper shakers, fetishists collect dead things - fingernails and hair. No one quite knows why, though I've never really understood salt & pepper shakers myself.

Donald Addie Pfaster:
Let me draw you a bath.

Mulder:
I can't believe you don't want butter on your popcorn. Uggh. It's un-American.

Dana Scully:
"Caddyshack", Mulder?

Mulder:
It's a classic American movie.

Dana Scully:
That's what every guy says. It's a guy movie.

Mulder:
Okay, when you invite me over to your place we can watch Steel Magnolias.

Dana Scully:
So, um... What's the occasion?

Mulder:
I don't know. Just felt like the thing to do. Cheers.

Dana Scully:
Cheers.

Mulder:
I don't know if you noticed but, um, I never made the world a happier place.

Dana Scully:
Well, I'm fairly happy. That's something. So what was your final wish, anyway?

Mulder:
Then there is the interesting way in which Mr Flanken died.

Dana Scully:
How's that?

Mulder:
Chronic morbid tumescence.

Dana Scully:
You don't mean what I think you mean?

Mulder:
SCHWING! On April 4, 1978, he was admitted to Gateway Memorial Hospital with an extreme priapic condition. Apparently, he was quite the specimen. They had to raise the doorframe in order to wheel him into his hospital room.

Jenn:
The only thing you people are cursed with is stupidity. All of you. Everybody. Mankind. Everyone I have ever come into contact with without fail. Always asking for the wrong thing.

Mulder:
You mean making the wrong wishes.

Jenn:
Yeah, it's always: "Give me money. Give me big b*obs." "Give me a big hoo-hoo." "Make me cool like the Fonz." Or whoever's the big name now.

Mulder:
You been out of circulation a long time.

Jenn:
So what? In 500 years, people have not changed a bit.

Dana Scully:
500 years.

Jenn:
Granted, they smell better now generally speaking but human greed still reigns... shallowness... a propensity for self-destruction.

Dana Scully:
You're saying that you have been a firsthand witness to 500 years of human history.

Jenn:
I used to be human. I was born in 15th century France and then, one day, an old Moor came to my village peddling rugs and I unrolled one that an Ifrit had taken residence in.

Dana Scully:
An "Ifrit."

Jenn:
A very... powerful class of jinni. He offered me three wishes. For the first I asked for a stouthearted mule. For the second, a magic sack that was always full of turnips... Did I mention this was 15th century France?

Mulder:
What was your third wish?

Jenn:
My third... I pondered for a great while. I didn't want to waste it. So, finally, feeling very intelligent I spoke up and I said "Je souhaite un grand pouvoir et une longue vie." "I wish for great power and long life."

Mulder:
And thus became a jinni yourself.

Jenn:
Gave me the mark of the jinn... right there. It's forever. Sort of like a prison tattoo.

Caballero:
Why would you want to remember? You can't tell me you're happier now because you recall your life. I saw it all. So much pain... Why would you want to struggle so long and hard to get that pain back?

John Doggett:
Because it's mine.

Monica Reyes:
I'm so sorry about Luke, about you having to relive that.

John Doggett:
I'll take the bad as long as I can remember the good.

Lieutenant Jack Schaefer:
[to Mulder] Have you ever flown a flying saucer? Afterwards sex seems trite.

Scully:
That was Detective Manners. He said they just found your "bleepin'" UFO.

Man in Black:
Your scientists have yet to discover how neural networks create self-consciousness, let alone how the human brain processes two-dimensional retinal images into the three-dimensional phenomenon known as perception. Yet you somehow brazenly declare that seeing is believing!

Jose Chung:
Aren't you nervous telling me all this? After receiving all those death threats?

Blaine:
Well, hey, I didn't spend all those years playing Dungeons and Dragons and not learn a little something about courage.

Blaine:
[about Scully and Mulder] One of them was disguised as a woman, but wasn't pulling it off. Like, her hair was red, but it was a little too red, y'know? And the other one, the tall, lanky one, his face was so blank and expressionless. He didn't even seem human. I think he was a mandroid.

Blaine:
You can't suppress the truth! The people have a right to know! Roswell! Roswell!

Jose Chung:
And though we may not be alone in the universe, in our own separate ways, on this planet we are all alone.

Detective Manners:
That's a bleepin' dead alien body if I ever bleepin' saw one.

Lord Kimboat:
Roky - ROKY! Be not afraid. No harm will come unto thee!

Lieutenant Jack Schaefer:
This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not happening.

Jose Chung:
[discussing the written statement of one of the witnesses to a UFO abduction] I don't know which was more disturbing, his description of the inner core reincarnated souls' sex orgy, or the fact that the whole thing was written in screenplay format.

Fox Mulder:
You still gonna hold the boy?

Detective Manners:
You bet your blankitty-blank bleep I am!

Detective Manners:
[in Scully's flashback] Well, thanks a lot! You really bleeped up this case!

Scully:
[retelling story] Well, of course he didn't actually say "bleeped", he said...

Jose Chung:
I'm- I'm familiar with Detective Manners's colorful... phraseology.

Jose Chung:
I was interested in how the CIA, when conducting the MK-ULTRA mind control experiments back in the 50's, had no idea how hypnosis worked. Or, what it was.

Scully:
No one still knows.

Jose Chung:
Still, as a storyteller, I'm fascinated how a person's sense of consciousness can be so transformed by nothing more magical than listening to words... mere words.

Jose Chung:
As for her partner Reynard Muldrake - a ticking time-bomb of insanity - his quest into the unknown has so warped his psyche - one shudders to wonder how he can receive any pleasures from life.

Fox Mulder:
[Mulder is jerking to the fake bigfoot video]

Jose Chung:
OS Evidence of extraterrestrial existence remains as elusive as ever. But the skies will continue to be searched by the likes of Blaine Faulkner. Hoping to someday find not only proof of alien life but also contentment on a new world. Until then, he must be content with his new job. Others search for answers from within - Rocky relocated to El Cajon, California - preaching to the lost and desperate.

[Rocky has a ludicrous speech here]

Jose Chung:
Seeking the truth about aliens means a perfunctory 9 to 5 job to some - for although Agent Diana Leski

[Scully reading the final book "From Outer Space"]

Jose Chung:
is noble of spirit and pure of heart - she remains nevertheless - a Federal employee. As for her partner - Ranerdt Muldradt - a ticking time bomb of insanity - his quest into the unknown has so warped his psyche - one shudders to think how he receives any pleasures from life

[Mulder is jerking off to the fake bigfoot video]

Jose Chung:
Chrissy Georgio has come to believe her alien visitation was a message to improve the condition of her own world - and she has devoted herself to this goal wholeheartedly.

Chrissy:
[Harold has approached her 2nd floor window - tossed a pebble at window to get her attention - she opens her window] Oh - it's you - what do you want?

Harold:
I just wanted to tell you - I still love you.

Chrissy:
Love - is that all you men think about?

[Harold, winces as she slams the window on him, turns]

Jose Chung:
then there are those who care not about extraterrestrials - searching for meaning in other human beings... Rare or lucky are those who find it - for although we may not be alone in the Universe - in our own separate ways - on This Planet... we are all... alone.

[cue the X-Files theme music]

Man in Black:
Even the former leader of your United States of America, James Earl Carter Jr., thought he saw a UFO once. But it's been proven, he only saw the planet Venus.

Roky Crikenson:
I'm a Republican!

Man in Black:
Venus was at its peak brilliance last night. You probably thought you saw something up in the sky other than Venus, but I assure you, it was Venus.

Morris Fletcher:
Well, watching you three trying to find your butts with both hands is not my idea of a fun time.

Morris Fletcher:
Once upon a time, there were three... how should I put this... geeks. Three more unlikely heroes... there never were. It wasn't long before their naivet? nearly got them killed. Until they hooked up with an FBI agent... And began publishing a - what shall I call it? "rag" called "The Lone Gunmen". From their cramped basement office they pointed fingers at powerful, evil forces... And some not so evil. In their own unique way, the three gunmen were patriots, fighting the good fight. And provided... expertise for their friends at the FBI. For a brief time it looked as if they might actually make a difference in this cold, cruel world. They acquired an intern who believed in their cause. And a powerful, beautiful nemesis... who became an ally. But the world is not kind to idealists... and those who fight the Good Fight don't always win.

Morris Fletcher:
Anyway, I'm ready to make a deal.

John Doggett:
What deal would that be?

Morris Fletcher:
The one that saves my furry pink ass!

Dana Scully:
You haven't heard the rumors?

Curt Brunjes:
What rumors?

Dana Scully:
That Luria is back from the dead? That he's risen from this grave?

Curt Brunjes:
What kind of jew trick is this?

Fox Mulder:
A jew pulled it off two thousand years ago.

Mulder:
Call my doctor. You have to call my doctor. Call Doctor Scully.

Scully:
Mulder, that's evidence. [looking at a laptop Mulder has stolen from a crime scene]

Mulder:
Gee, I hope so.

Esther Nairn:
One man alone achieving the equivalent of Copernicus, Magellan, and Darwin.

Scully:
What was your role in all this? Were you the bass player?

[meeting The Lone Gunmen]

Esther Nairn:
Are these the brain donors that nearly got us incinerated?

Mulder:
Don't let their looks fool you.

Melvin Frohike:
She is so hot!

[handcuffed, in front of a computer]

Esther Nairn:
Are you gonna take off these cuffs or do I have to do this with my tongue?

[the Lone Gunmen gawk]

Mulder:
You don't want to take a vote.

Mulder:
Artificial life... It could exist. It could be here among us. Evolving.

Scully:
Electrons chasing each other through a circuit? That isn't life, Mulder.

Mulder:
Yeah but what are we but impulses? Electrical and chemical, through a bag of meat and bones. You're the scientist; you tell me.

Walter Skinner:
Mulder, a moment please?

[waits for Scully to leave the office]

Walter Skinner:
I just wanted to say you did a good job.

Fox Mulder:
How's that?

Walter Skinner:
Nobody could have figured this out but you. You knew it was Linda Bowman and not Modell. You were way ahead of me.

Fox Mulder:
I almost killed my partner.

Walter Skinner:
Mulder, despite that, you prevailed. You won her game.

Fox Mulder:
How come I feel like I lost?

Dana Scully:
What does that mean?

Fox Mulder:
It means... it means whatever you want it to mean.

[repeated line]

Leonard Morris Betts:
I'm sorry... but you've got something I need.

Fox Mulder:
[on Leonard Bett's brain sections] Let's get a slice to go.

Fox Mulder:
Worms. You cut a worm in half, you get two.

Dana Scully:
Mulder, they're *worms*.

Fox Mulder:
That's his head, but where's his body?

[On finding a severed thumb]

Mulder:
Siskel or Ebert?

Fox Mulder:
[having two identical bodies of Leonard Betts in the morgue] Will the real Leonard Betts please stand up?

[repeated line]

Leonard Morris Betts:
I know you must be ass-deep in alligators...

[last lines]

Fox Mulder:
You did a good job, Scully. You should be proud.

Dana Scully:
I want to go home.

Mulder:
Before I could only trust myself. Now I can only trust you.

Scully:
I was told by the Assistant Director that Mulder was gone.

Agent Morris:
So?

Scully:
So, whenever he's away, I feed his fish.

Dr. Rocky Bronzino:
You know, when a male and female calliphoridae fly mate, they stay joined for up to one-and-a-half hours. One-and-a-half, Doctor.

Dana Scully:
You know, Rocky, I'm a mother.

Dr. Rocky Bronzino:
Mothers are women, too.

Max Fenig:
All I wanted in life was to be left alone; don't we all? So just my luck that I'd eventually become an alien abductee. Now I'm never alone. Any minute, when I'm least expecting it...

[waves hand towards sky]

Max Fenig:
And the worst part is *no one* believes you. Well, almost no one. So I've devoted my life to providing all you disbelievers out there with proof. Proof that there are extraterrestrial biological entities right now, as we speak, visiting our planet in alien ships for purposes of a rather troubling agenda known only to certain members of the government, the FBI and certain high-ranking members of the military-industrial community who have recovered some of these very craft. Not that they would admit to it publicly, of course. Nor would they admit that they have salvaged some of this alien technology and are using it in military applications. No, that would be un-American. And they wont admit it until someone confronts them with irrefutable, undeniable proof. Someone like me. And, uh, I should probably mention that I do this at great risk to my own health and safety, but hey, when everyday's just another day you're gonna get kidnapped by a bunch of little grey dudes from outer space, what's a few CIA spooks to worry about?

Scully:
[holding an Apollo 11 keychain] I actually was thinking about, uh, this gift that you gave me for my birthday. You never got to tell me why you gave it to me or what it means, but I think I know. I think that you appreciate that there are extraordinary men and women and extraordinary moments when history leaps forward on the backs of these individuals, that what can be imagined can be achieved, that you must dare to dream, but that there's no substitute for perseverance and hard work and teamwork because no one gets there alone; and that, while we commemorate the... the greatness of these events and the individuals who achieve them, we cannot forget the sacrifice of those who make these achievements and leaps possible.

Mulder:
I just thought it was a pretty cool keychain.

Sharon Graffia:
These tapes. You don't mind if I keep them?

Mulder:
No, I think you should consider yourself the sole curator of the Max Fenig rolling multimedia library and archive, and you should probably get tax-exempt status as soon as you can. This stuff could be worth something someday.

John Doggett:
I'll be your eyes and ears. And I wish someone would tell me what the hell it is I'm supposed to be looking for.

John Doggett:
I'm just a good shot.

Scully:
For the first time, I feel time like a heart beat. The seconds pumping in my breast like a reckoning. The numinous mysteries, that once seemed so distant and unreal, threatening clarity in the presence of a truth entertained not in youth, but only in its passage. I feel these words as if their meaning were weight being lifted from me knowing that you will read them and share my burden as I have come to trust no other. That you should know my heart, look into it, finding there the memory and experience that belong to you, that are you, is a comfort to me now as I feel the tethers loose and the prospects darken for the continuance of a journey that began not so long ago. And which began again with a faith shaken and strengthened by your convictions. If not for which I might never have been so strong now as I cross to face you and look at you, incomplete, hoping that you will forgive me for not making the rest of the journey with you.

Scully:
Mulder, I can't kid myself. People live with cancer. They carry on, and so will I. You know I've got things to finish, to prove to myself, to my family, but for my own reasons.

Mulder:
Come on back. The truth will save you, Scully. I think it'll save both of us.

Walter Skinner:
You can't ask the truth of a man who trades in lies.

[last lines]

Walter Skinner:
There is always another way...

Cigarette Smoking Man:
Yes, I believe there is. But are you willing to pay the price for it?

Cigarette Smoking Man:
Oh Skinner, where's the elevator?

Mulder:
Mr. Padgett... you can go. We apologize for our mistake. You're free to finish your book.

Phillip Padgett:
Thank you. I made a mistake myself.

Mulder:
What's that, Mr. Padgett?

Phillip Padgett:
In my book, I'd written that Agent Scully falls in love but that's obviously impossible. Agent Scully is already in love.

Dana Scully:
Loneliness is a choice.

Scully:
Mulder, these people, even when they were alive, mangled biblical prophecy to the extent that it's unrecognisable. The year 2000 is just their artificial deadline, and besides 2001 is actually the start of the new millennium.

Mulder:
Nobody likes a math geek, Scully.

Mulder:
The world didn't end.

Scully:
No, it didn't.

Mulder:
Happy New Year, Scully.

Scully:
Happy New Year, Mulder.

Fox Mulder:
I'm curious, Marty.

Marty Glenn:
Yeah? About what?

Fox Mulder:
If you didn't kill him, why you were at the crime scene cleaning up, and doing such a piss poor job of it.

[Marty hesitates]

Fox Mulder:
Why don't we just stop playing games here, okay? I mean, you probably don't know a feather duster from a duck's ass, do you? I mean it's ridiculous; you're a blind woman for God's sake. So why don't you just tell us who *did* kill Paco Ordonez and Agent Scully and I can go arrest him, and you can go home and work on your angry-young-blind-girl comedy routine.

Det. Pennock:
You are one skeptical guy, Agent Mulder.

Fox Mulder:
Skeptical? I've been called a lot of things. Skeptical, however, is not one.

Mulder:
I think I saw some of these same people at Woodstock.

Scully:
Mulder, you weren't at Woodstock.

Mulder:
I saw the movie.

Fox Mulder:
Cover for me, will you?

Dana Scully:
When do I not?

Fox Mulder:
I know, I missed the meeting.

Dana Scully:
No, you didn't *miss* the meeting; you're extraordinarily *late* for the meeting. It's still going on.

Fox Mulder:
What are you doing down here?

Fox Mulder:
We took a short break and I came looking for you. What are *you* doing down here, Mulder?

Fox Mulder:
Having the best damn day of my life. Any moment I'm about to burst into song. Zip-a-dee-doo-dah. My water bed sprung a leak and shorted out my alarm clock; my cellphone got wet and crapped out on me; and the check I wrote my landlord to cover the damages is going to bounce unless I deposit my pay. Did you ever have one of those days, Scully?

Dana Scully:
Since I've been working here? Yeah.

Pam:
[Mulder looks at Pam through the car window] You never did *that* before.

Pam:
Don't you see? We're all in hell. I'm the only one who knows it.

Stoner #2:
What would you do if you were a werewolf?

Stoner #1:
I'd get high all the time?

[to Dana]

Fox Mulder:
Since we've been away, much of the unexplained has been explained.

[hearing Mulder questioning his faith]

Dana Scully:
Mulder, have you been taking your meds?

Fox Mulder:
Scully, I gave up profiling before I gave up monsters. You've seen one serial killer, you've seen them all.

Fox Mulder:
Did you lose someone recently?

Guy Mann:
Yeah, myself.

Dr. Rumanovitch:
It's easier to believe in monsters out there in the world than to accept that the real monsters dwell within us.

Fox Mulder:
Okay, I'll do it, I'll kill you.

Guy Mann:
Thanks mister, you're like the only nice person I've ever met.

Fox Mulder:
You and me, we're the same, Guy. We both want to believe in things that aren't real. Or even possible.

Fox Mulder:
It shot blood at me. From its eye, Scully- I think. It was hard for me to see, because I had blood in my eyes.

Dana Scully:
I haven't done a blood analysis yet, but it's probably residue from the prior attack on this victim. And animals don't shoot blood out of their eyeballs.

Fox Mulder:
Oh, no? Well, tell that to the horned lizard. Which shoots blood out its eyeball, Scully, yes. It's a defense mechanism. Scientific fact!

Dana Scully:
Mulder, the Internet is not good for you.

Dana Scully:
We've been given another case, Mulder. It has a monster in it.

Fox Mulder:
Looks like you gave it a pretty good shot.

Annabelle:
I think I hit it right in its horn.

Dana Scully:
Hmm. It had a horn. Like a... unicorn?

Annabelle:
It had horns. At the back of its head, like a lizard or something.

Fox Mulder:
[shows a drawing of the monster] Did it look anything like this?

Annabelle:
No. The thing I saw only had two eyes. And it was wearing underwear.

Dana Scully:
Boxers or briefs?

Annabelle:
Tighty-whities. Same kind I used to wear. I transitioned last year.

Fox Mulder:
So you're agreeing with me?

Dana Scully:
No! You're bat-crap crazy!

Guy Mann:
My transformation wasn't just physical but mental. I heard a voice in my head. My voice. I became conscious of my own self-consciousness, and then I had my very first thought: I'm naked! I became overcome by some irrational need to cover up.

Guy Mann:
You see, now I possess the one Darwinian advantage that humans have over other animals: the ability to BS my way through anything. I mean, it's better than camouflage!

Fox Mulder:
You wouldn't happen to be, uh, BSing me right now all about this, would you?

Guy Mann:
Man, she hit like a man.

Fox Mulder:
That's because she used to be... uh, she once... She's transgender.

Guy Mann:
What? You can't transform into a different sex! That's nuts!

Fox Mulder:
It's not nuts. It's actually a very common medical procedure. You don't need the surgery, technically...

Guy Mann:
Maybe that's what I could do! It's a cure!

Fox Mulder:
No.

Guy Mann:
Well, I've got to stop transforming. I'll do the surgery.

Fox Mulder:
Completely different.

Guy Mann:
I don't care how much it costs, I'll do it.

Fox Mulder:
They cut off your genitals.

Guy Mann:
Nah, I'll leave it. That's... That's a step too far, isn't it?

Fox Mulder:
Yeah.

Guy Mann:
Alas, I was human again. I went back to work. But now that I had a job, all I could think about was how much I hated my job. But I was too overcome with human fear to quit. How would I pay my bills? Without a job, I'd... I'd never get a loan and start a mortgage, whatever that is. Already I was terrified I wasn't saving enough for my retirement. And what else was I supposed to do?

Dana Scully:
[Very flirtatiously to Guy Mann, in his fantasy] I think, maybe, my phone isn't working right 'cuz guys don't send me pictures of their junk on it.

Fox Mulder:
I thought I was going to believe you, but it's all... it's just too... fantastic.

Guy Mann:
It's not fantastic. It's tragic!

Fox Mulder:
No, I mean it's just... silly.

Guy Mann:
That's my life you're talking about.

Fox Mulder:
It's my life, too. You and me, we're the same, Guy. We both want to believe in things that aren't real - or even possible.

Fox Mulder:
Scully, since we've been away, much of the "unexplained" has been explained. The "Death Valley Racetrack"? Turns out it was just ice formations, moving the rocks around as it melted. Yeah, ice. Humility prevents me from recounting how I once thought it had something to do with a series of mysterious sightings of a rock-like creature in Colorado which turned out to just be a publicity stunt by a local landscaping business. It's amazing, going through these archives with fresh - if not wiser - eyes, how many of these cases, whether it's "The Amarillo Armadillo Man" or "The Hairy Whatsit of Walla Walla" can be explained away as fraternity pranks, practical jokes or people making stuff up simply because they're bored and or crazy. And if that doesn't explain it, well then it was probably just ice.

Dana Scully:
Mulder, have you been taking your meds?

Fox Mulder:
[pulls pencils out of the "I Want to Believe" poster]

Fox Mulder:
Scully, Charles Fort spent his entire life researching natural and scientific anomalies, which he published in four books, all of which I know by heart. And at the end of his life, Fort himself wondered if it hadn't all been a waste. I get it. I'm a middle-aged man, Scully. No, I am, I am. I'm thinking maybe it's time to put away childish things: the Sasquatches and mothmen and... jackalopes. I thought it'd be great to get back to work. But is this really how I want to spend the rest of my days? Chasing after monsters?

Dana Scully:
We've been given another case, Mulder... It has a monster in it.

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
Life is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So you're stuck with this undefinable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while there's a peanut butter cup or an English toffee. But they're gone too fast and the taste is... fleeting. So, you end up with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts. And if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you got left is an empty box filled with useless brown paper wrappers.

[last lines]

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
[looking through a rifle sight at Frohike] I can kill you whenever I damn well please. But not today.

[first lines]

Fox Mulder:
[as narrator] My name is Fox Mulder. Since my childhood, I have been obsessed by a controversial global phenomenon. Since my sister disappeared when I was 12 years old... in what I believe was an alien abduction. My obsession took me to the FBI, where I investigated paranormal science cases through the auspices of a unit known as the X-Files. Through this unit, I could continue my work on the alien phenomenon, and the search for my missing sister. In 1993, the FBI sought to impugn my work, bringing in a scientist and medical doctor to debunk it... which only deepened my obsession for the better part of a decade, during which time that agent, Dana Scully, had her own faith tested. In 2002, in a change of direction and policy, the FBI closed the X-Files, and our investigation ceased. But my personal obsession did not.

Fox Mulder:
[about the alien sightings] But we must ask ourselves... are they really a hoax? Are we truly alone? Or are we being lied to?

Tad O'Malley:
Do you miss it at all? The X-Files?

Dana Scully:
As a scientist, it was probably some of the most intense and challenging work I've ever done. I've never felt so alive.

Tad O'Malley:
You mean working with Mulder?

Dana Scully:
Possibly one of the most intense and challenging relationships I may ever have. And, quite honestly, the most impossible.

Fox Mulder:
I need access to the X-Files.

Walter Skinner:
Can you tell me what this is about?

Fox Mulder:
It's about controlling the past to control the future. It's about fiction masquerading as fact.

Old Man:
The why is more complicated than you may ever know, Mr. Mulder.

Old Man:
The lies are so great, Mr. Mulder. The truth must be unassailable.

Fox Mulder:
No sooner had we defeated Germany than a new threat started appearing in skies over America, drawn to Earth by the latest threat to extinction: the H-bomb. Explosions acting as transducers, drawing alien life forms through wormholes in spaceships using electrogravitic propulsion. Advanced extraterrestrial species visiting us, concerned for mankind and the threat of our self-destruction, forestalling our annihilation through their own self-sacrifice. The crashes at Roswell. More importantly, places like Aztec. World leaders signed secret memos directing scientific studies of alien technology and biochemistry. Classified studies were done at military installations S4, Groom Lake, Wright-Patterson and Dulce, extracting alien tissue. Tests were done on unsuspecting human subjects in elaborately staged abductions, in craft using alien technology recovered from the downed saucers... including human hybridization through gene editing and forced implantation of alien embryos.

Sveta:
Why do such a thing and lie about it... our own government?

Fox Mulder:
Your own government lies as a matter of course, as a matter of policy... the Tuskegee experiments on black men in the '30s; Henrietta Lacks.

Sveta:
What are they trying to do?

Dana Scully:
That's the missing piece.

Tad O'Malley:
But it's not hard to imagine... a government hiding, hoarding... alien technology for 70 years, at the expense of human life and the future of the planet. Driven not only by corporate greed, but... a darker objective.

Fox Mulder:
The takeover of America.

Tad O'Malley:
And then the world itself, by any means necessary, however violent... or cruel... or efficient. By severe drought brought on by weather wars conducted secretly using aerial contaminants and high-altitude electromagnetic waves, in a state of perpetual war to create problem-reaction-solution scenarios to distract, enrage and enslave American citizens at home with tools like the Patriot Act and the National Defense Authorization Act, which abridged the Constitution in the name of national security. The militarization of police forces in cities across the U.S. The building of prison camps by the Federal Emergency Management Agency with no stated purpose. The corporate takeover of food and agriculture, pharmaceuticals and health care, even the military, in clandestine agendas, to fatten, dull, sicken and control a populace already consumed by consumerism.

[president Bush on the background:
And I encourage you all to go shopping more]

Tad O'Malley:
A government that taps your phone, collects your data and monitors your whereabouts with impunity. A government preparing to use that data against you when it strikes and the final takeover begins.

Dana Scully:
The takeover of America.

Tad O'Malley:
By a well-oiled and well-armed multinational group of elites that will cull, kill and subjugate.

Dana Scully:
Happening as we sit here.

Tad O'Malley:
It's happening all around us.

Fox Mulder:
The other shoe waiting to drop.

Tad O'Malley:
It'll probably start on a Friday. The banks will announce a security action necessitating their computers to go offline all weekend.

Fox Mulder:
Digital money will disappear.

Sveta:
They can just steal your money?

Fox Mulder:
Followed by the detonation of strategic electromagnetic pulse bombs to knock out major grids.

Tad O'Malley:
What will seem like an attack on America by terrorists or Russia.

Fox Mulder:
Or a simulated alien invasion using alien replica vehicles that exist and are already in use.

Dana Scully:
[skeptical] An alien invasion of the U.S.

Fox Mulder:
The Russians tried it in '47.

Dana Scully:
You can't say these things.

Tad O'Malley:
I'm gonna say them tomorrow.

Fox Mulder:
Scully, are you ready for this?

Dana Scully:
I don't know there's a choice.

Fox Mulder:
I think you're the O' Reilly Factor with a shop worn little gimmick.

Tad O'Malley:
[sarcastic] What Bill O' Reilly knows about the truth could fill an eye dropper.

Tad O'Malley:
I'm not some Johnny-come-lately to the UFO phenomenon, Mr. Mulder. Like yourself, I'm a true believer.

Fox Mulder:
No, I only want to believe. Actual proof has been strangely hard to come by.

Cigarette Smoking Man:
I didn't set out to destroy the world, Mulder. People did.

[to Mulder]

Cigarette Smoking Man:
I've controlled you since before you knew I existed.

[to Mulder]

Cigarette Smoking Man:
Every man has his weakness. Mine was always just cigarettes.

Scully:
I feel like I've lost sight of myself, Mulder. It's hard to see, let alone find, in the darkness of covert locations. I mean, I wish I could say that we were going in circles, but we're not. We're going in an endless line, two steps forward and three steps back. While my own life is standing still.

Scully:
Your contact, while interesting in the context of science fiction, was, at least in my memory, recounting a poorly veiled synopsis of an episode of Rocky and Bullwinkle.

Fox Mulder:
*Seriously*? You've got a date?

[last lines]

Scully:
Not everything is about you, Mulder.

Fox Mulder:
Yes, but...

Mulder:
Come on in.

Scully:
What are you watching?

Mulder:
Something that just came in the mail.

Scully:
That's not your usual brand of entertainment... What is it?

Mulder:
According to the magazine ad I answered, it's an alien autopsy. Guaranteed authentic.

Scully:
You spent money for this?

Mulder:
$29.95... plus shipping.

Scully:
Mulder, this is even hokier than the one they aired on the Fox network, you can't even see what they're operating on!

Mulder:
But it does look authentic, I mean the settings, the procedures. I mean it does look as if an actual autopsy is being prepared, doesn't it?

Scully:
Well, technically, I don't know why they would be wearing gas masks.

Mulder:
Well, maybe it's because of this green substance they seem to be extracting from the subject. Can you identify that?

Scully:
Olive oil? Snake oil? I suppose you think it's alien blood?

Mulder:
It's widely held that aliens don't have blood, Scully.

Scully:
I guess this begs the question; if this is an alien autopsy...

Mulder:
- where's the alien. But what so intriguing to me is the striking lack of detail here.

Scully:
Well, what do you expect for $29.95?

Scully:
I went to go see those MUFON members to find out about that woman, Betsy Hagopian.

Mulder:
And what did you find?

Scully:
I found out that she's dying. Along with a lot of other women who claim to be dying too. All of them who say that they've had these implanted in them. It's the same thing that I had removed from my own neck.

Mulder:
But you're fine aren't you, Scully?

Scully:
Am I? I don't know, Mulder. They said that they know me. That they've seen me before. It was freaky. They know things about me, about my disappearance.

Mulder:
That is disturbing. But I don't think you should freak out until we find out what this thing is.

Mulder:
I get tired of losing my gun.

Mulder:
You think that believing is easy?

Monica Reyes:
You make it sound like I go home from work with post-its on my ass.

FBI Deputy Director Alvin Kersh:
You ever hear of King George the III?

John Doggett:
You answer my question!

FBI Deputy Director Alvin Kersh:
He was King of England when America declared independence in 1776. King George the III kept a diary. On July 4th, 1776, he made an entry in it: "Nothing important happened today"

John Doggett:
What the hell does that got to do with me?

FBI Deputy Director Alvin Kersh:
A revolution started, things that changed the world forever, and even kings can miss them if they are not paying attention.

FBI Assistant Director Brad Follmer:
You're making a big mistake here.

Monica Reyes:
Yeah, I seem to make one every time I walk in your door.

[regarding the baby's abnormal behavior]

Walter Skinner:
If you can't tell me then get to Mulder. Tell him what happened.

Dana Scully:
Mulder can't know. He can't be brought back into this, he can't be brought back to the FBI. It's just too dangerous for him right now.

Walter Skinner:
It's too dangerous for everyone.

Skinner:
When I was eighteen, I, uh... I went to Vietnam. I wasn't drafted, Mulder, I... I enlisted in the Marine Corps the day of my eighteenth birthday. I did it on a blind faith. I did it because I believed it was the right thing to do. I don't know, maybe I still do. Three months into my tour, a ten-year-old North Vietnamese boy walked into camp covered with grenades and I, uh... I blew his head off from a distance of ten yards. I lost my faith. Not in my country or in myself, but in everything. There was just no point to anything anymore. One night on patrol, we were, uh... caught... and everyone... everyone fell. I mean, everyone. I looked down... at my body... from outside of it. I didn't recognize it at first. I watched the V.C. strip my uniform, take my weapon and I remained... in this thick jungle... peaceful... unafraid... watching my... my dead friends. Watching myself. In the morning, the corpsmen arrived and put me in a bodybag until... I guess they found a pulse. I woke in a Saigon hospital two weeks later. I'm afraid to look any further beyond that experience. You? You are not. Your resignation is unacceptable.

Margaret Scully:
Hello, Fox.

Scully:
[smiles] Not Fox. Mulder. [opens her eyes]

Mulder:
How you feeling?

Scully:
[suddenly, apologetically] Mulder, I don't remember anything. After Duane Barry...

Mulder:
[shakes his head] Doesn't... doesn't matter.

Mulder:
I brought you a present. Superstars of the Superbowls.

Scully:
I knew there was a reason to live.

Mulder:
I feel, Scully, that... you believe... you're not ready to go. And you've always had the strength of your beliefs. I don't know if my being here... will help bring you back. But I'm here.

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
Don't try and threaten me, Mulder. I've watched presidents die.

Captain William Scully:
Hello, Starbuck. It's Ahab. People would say to me, life is short - kids, they grow up fast, before you know it, it's over. I never listened. To me life went at a proper pace, there were rewards until the moment that I knew, I understood, I would never see you again. My little girl. Then my life felt as if it had been the length of one breath, one heartbeat. I never knew how much I loved my daughter until I could never tell her. At that moment I would have traded every medal, every commendation, every promotion for one more second with you. We'll be together again, Starbuck. But not now. Soon.

Melissa Scully:
I don't have to be psychic to see that you're in a very dark place. Much darker than where my sister is. Willingly walking deeper into darkness cannot help her at all. Only the light...

Mulder:
[disgustedly] Enough! - with the harmonic convergence crap, okay, you're not *saying* anything to me.

Melissa Scully:
[angrily] Why don't you just drop your cynicism and your paranoia and your defeat. You know, just because it's positive and good, doesn't mean it's silly or trite.

Mulder:
Get that gun out of my face!

Mr. X:
This high-capacity compact Sig Sauer .40 caliber weapon is pointed at your head to stress my insistence that your search for who put your partner on that respirator desist immediately!

Richard 'Ringo' Langly:
You look down, Mulder. Tell you what, you're welcome to come over Satruday night. We're all hopping on the internet to nitpick the scientific inaccuracies of Earth 2.

Mulder:
I'm doing my laundry.

Skinner:
[walking into Mulder's office] When I started out, this room is where they kept the copier.

Mulder:
You. You gave me Cancer Man's location. You put your life in danger.

Skinner:
Agent Mulder, every life, every day is in danger. That's just life.

FBI Deputy Director Alvin Kersh:
Who burned those people?

Mulder:
They burned themselves. With a choice made long ago by a conspiracy of men who thought they could sleep with the enemy. Only to awaken another enemy.

FBI Deputy Director Alvin Kersh:
What the hell does that mean?

Mulder:
It means the future is here, and all bets are off.

Mulder:
Scully, you're making this personal.

Dana Scully:
Because it is personal, Mulder. Because without the FBI personal interest is all that I have. And if you take that away than there is no reason for me to continue.

FBI Deputy Director Alvin Kersh:
Agent Scully, make some sense.

Dana Scully:
Sir, I wouldn't bet against him.

Cassandra Spender:
There's only one way... to save him... Only one thing you must do...

The Cigarette-Smoking Man:
[on the verge of tears] I can't do it to you... I can't...

Cassandra Spender:
I must die... or they all die!

[CSM scurries out of room]

Cassandra Spender:
No! [sobbing] No...

[being decontaminated for unknown reasons]

Mulder:
There must be some kind of mistake, I signed up for the aromatherapy treatment.

[coincidentally meeting at Agent Fowley's apartment]

Mulder:
What are you doing here?

The Cigarette-Smoking Man:
Door was open; I came in.

Mulder:
Interesting company you keep.

The Cigarette-Smoking Man:
No more interesting than your apparent lingerie fetish.

Mulder:
At one point you have to accept that... the only way those you love are going to survive... is if you give up...

Mulder:
You know, it's funny, when all is said and done, there's not much mystery in murder.

Donald Addie Pfaster:
Is your hair chemically treated?

Rev. Orison:
He whoever sheddeth man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed.

Donald Addie Pfaster:
Who does your nails, girly girl?

Donald Addie Pfaster:
I'm going to run you a bath.

Dana Scully:
I hate to say this, Mulder, but I think you just ran out of credibility.

[in regards to Amy Jacobs being abducted]

Fox Mulder:
I know you must be feeling...

Myra Jacobs:
I'm sorry... but how can you really know how I feel?

Dana Scully:
What are you talking about?

Fox Mulder:
Some cannibalistic rituals are enacted with the belief that they can prolong life.

Dana Scully:
Cannibalism is one thing, but increasing longevity by eating human flesh...

Fox Mulder:
Think about it. From vampirism to Catholicism, whether literally or symbolically, the reward for eating flesh is eternal life.

Scully:
I need something to put my back up against, Mulder.

Mulder:
I know. I feel the same way. I feel that we've lost so much... but we've got The X-Files, and I believe what we're looking for is in them. I'm more certain than ever the truth is out there, Scully.

Scully:
I've heard the truth, Mulder. Now what I want are the answers.

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
[on the killing of Scully's sister] This was a mistake. It will be rectified.

Well Manicured Man:
By whom? By whom will this be rectified? Your ridiculously ineffectual assassins?

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
These men are professionals.

Well Manicured Man:
This is not a profession for men who make mistakes. My God; you presume to make us believe that you can simply fix it with enough bullets?

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
...No.

Cigarette Smoking Man:
[after threatening Skinner, he is shown Albert Hosteen] What is this?

Skinner:
This is where you pucker up and kiss my ass.

Scully:
[speaking to Mulder] You said it yourself, once: "A dream is an answer to a question we haven't learned how to ask."

Mulder:
Scully, do you believe that my sister Samantha was abducted by aliens? Have you ever believed that? No. So what do you think happened to her?

Scully:
What are you saying you believe now?

Mulder:
I don't know. I don't know what happened. I don't know what to believe. I just know that I have to find out now.

[last lines]

Dana Scully:
And I just... I just wanted to say, um... thank you for watching my back.

John Doggett:
Well, I never saw it as an option. I'm sure you don't either.

Dana Scully:
I never said that what you're looking for is a man.

Mulder:
One more anal-probing gyro-pyro levitating ecoplasm alien anti-matter story and I'm going to take out my gun and shoot somebody.

Mulder:
I don't think you understand. There's just too much evidence that it's all been a lie. The conspiracy is not to hide the existence of extraterrestrials. It's to make people believe in it so completely that they question nothing.

Dr. Heitz Werber:
So, you and I have just been advocates of insanity all along? Is this the extreme possibility you believe in now?

Alex Krycek:
Well, look who's answering the bat-phone.

The Well-Manicured Man:
Alex Krycek.

Alex Krycek:
Those guys too cheap to offer you a pension plan?

The Well-Manicured Man:
Where are you?

Alex Krycek:
I'm in town, actually. New York City.

The Well-Manicured Man:
Just tell us what you want.

Alex Krycek:
You've been working on a vaccine, against the Black Oil.

The Well-Manicured Man:
Unsuccessfully, you know?

Alex Krycek:
Yeah, well. I figured you and your buddies must have been busy while I've been gone.

The Well-Manicured Man:
Our research continues.

Alex Krycek:
I'll take everything you've got.

The Well-Manicured Man:
In exchange for...

Alex Krycek:
The boy.

The Well-Manicured Man:
Why is that in our interest?

Alex Krycek:
Because, without what he knows, you're ain't gonna need any vaccine.

The Well-Manicured Man:
And what does he know?

Alex Krycek:
That's my opening offer. The longer you wait, the skinnier this kid gets.

Alex Krycek:
You go back and tell them...

Marita Covarrubias:
Tell them what? What happened here?

Alex Krycek:
Tell them it's all going to hell.

Mulder:
Do I look like I'm having fun, Scully?

Scully:
You look constipated, actually.

Mulder:
That would make sense, I've had my head up my rear end for the last five years.

Alex Krycek:
Tell them to kiss my American ass.

Mulder:
You know, you try to reveal what's hidden, you try to incite people with the facts, but they'd rather believe some insane nonsense, refusing to believe what our government is capable of.

Dr. James Parenti:
Ms Scully? Got a good report for you. I've looked at the ova you've given me and consulted with some of my colleagues. We all feel that with the proper approach we might be successful. Got a good chance to get you pregnant.

Scully:
Oh... It's too good to be true.

Dr. James Parenti:
I don't want to lay odds, but it's not out of the realm of possibility if we start soon.

Scully:
We can start right away?

Dr. James Parenti:
Well, you need a father, of course. I can get you genetic counselling on finding an anonymous donor if that's what you want... unless you already have someone in mind.

Scully:
Yeah... I... I just have to figure out how to ask him.

Scully:
Hi.

Mulder:
Hi.

Scully:
Come on in.

Mulder:
Thanks.

Scully:
Can I take your coat?

Mulder:
No, I can't stay. I've got to get back to the office for a while.

Scully:
Obviously you've had some time to think about my request.

Mulder:
It's... it's not something that I get asked to do every day. But I am absolutely flattered. No, honestly.

Scully:
Okay, if... if you're trying to politely say "no", it's okay. I understand.

Mulder:
See what's weird is... this sounds, and this sounds really weird, I know, but I just wouldn't want this to come between us.

Scully:
Yeah. I know... I understand. I do.

Mulder:
Well... the answer is yes.

Scully:
Well, I'll call Dr Parenti and... I assume that he'll want to meet you and go through the... the donor procedure.

Mulder:
At that part, I'm a pro.

Mulder:
Scully? I must have dozed off. I was waiting for you to get back. It didn't take, did it?

Scully:
I guess it was too much to hope for. It was my last chance.

Mulder:
Never give up on a miracle.

John Doggett:
I'm just trying to do my job, only it gets hard to do when the person you're working with is keeping secrets and telling lies.

Third Man:
Are you familiar with an agent named Fox Mulder?

Special Agent Dana Scully:
Yes, I am.

Third Man:
How so?

Special Agent Dana Scully:
By reputation. Um... He's an Oxford-educated psychologist who wrote a monograph on serial killers and the occult, that helped catch Monty Props in 1988. Generally thought of as the best analyst in the Violent Crime section. He had a nickname at the Academy..."Spooky" Mulder.

Special Agent Dana Scully:
Am I to understand that you want me to debunk the X Files project, sir?

Section Chief Scott Blevins:
Agent Scully, we trust you'll make the proper scientific analysis.

Special Agent Dana Scully:
[hears a knock on the door] Who is it?

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
Steven Spielberg.

Special Agent Dana Scully:
Do you have a theory?

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
I have plenty of theories.

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
[to Scully] Do you believe in the existence of extraterrestrials?

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
[Scully and Mulder are examining what appears to be an alien body found in a coffin] If it's not human, what is it?

Special Agent Dana Scully:
It's mammalian. My guess is it's a chimpanzee or something from the ape family. Possibly an orangutan.

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
Buried in the city cemetery in Ray Soames's grave. Try telling that to the good townsfolk or Ray Soames's family. I want tissue samples and X-rays. I'd like blood-typing, toxicology and a full genetic work-up.

Special Agent Dana Scully:
You're serious?

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
What we can't do here, we'll order to go.

Special Agent Dana Scully:
You don't honestly believe this is some kind of extraterrestrial? This is somebody's sick joke.

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
We can do those X-rays here, can't we? Is there any reason we can't do them right now? I'm not crazy, Scully. I have the same doubts you do.

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
When convention and science offer us no answers, might we not finally turn to the fantastic as a plausibility?

Special Agent Dana Scully:
...What I find fantastic is any notion that there are answers beyond the realm of science. The answers are there. You just have to know where to look.

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
That's why they put the I in FBI.

[after Mulder & Scully's plane hits severe turbulence]

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
This must be the place.

[Mulder has just spray-painted a giant X on the road]

Special Agent Dana Scully:
What the hell was that about?

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
Oh, you know, probably nothing.

[Mulder opens a coffin that just rolled down the hill]

Coroner John Truitt:
This isn't official procedure.

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
[sarcastically] Really.

Special Agent Dana Scully:
What happened?

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
We lost power. Brakes, steering, everything. [checks watch] We lost nine minutes!

Special Agent Dana Scully:
...You're saying that time disappeared. Time can't just disappear. It's a universal invariant!

[car restarts itself]

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
Not in this zip code!

Special Agent Dana Scully:
[frightened by the marks on her back] What are they? Mulder, what are they!

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
[smiles] Mosquito bites.

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
There's classified government information I've been trying to access, but someone has been blocking my attempts to get at it.

Special Agent Dana Scully:
Who? I don't understand.

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
Someone at a higher level of power...

Special Agent Dana Scully:
And they're afraid of what, that you'll leak this information?

Special Agent Fox Mulder:
You're a part of that agenda, you know that.

Special Agent Dana Scully:
I'm not a part of any agenda. You've got to trust me. I'm here, just like you, to solve this.

Section Chief Scott Blevins:
Agent Mulder - what are his thoughts?

Special Agent Dana Scully:
Agent Mulder believes we are not alone.

Mulder:
Ah, you got to love this place. Every day it's like Halloween.

Mulder:
[Agent Scully knocks on his office door] Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted.

Scully:
Agent Mulder? I'm Dana Scully. I've been assigned to work with you.

Mulder:
Oh, isn't it nice to be suddenly so highly regarded. So, who did you tick off to get stuck with this detail, Scully?

Scully:
Actually, I'm looking forward to working with you. I've heard a lot about you.

Mulder:
Oh, really? I was under the impression that you were sent to spy on me.

Wayne Morgan:
What the hell is that?

Fox Mulder:
Looks like the fuselage of a plane.

Dana Scully:
It's a North American P-51 Mustang.

Wayne Morgan:
Yeah, sure is.

Fox Mulder:
I just got very turned on.

Scully:
You know, it's strange - men can blow up buildings, and they can be nowhere near the crime scene. But we can piece together the evidence and convict them beyond a doubt. Our labs here can recreate out of the most microscopic details their motivation and circumstance to almost any murder. Right down to a killer's attitude towards his mother and that he was a bed wetter. But in the case of a woman... my sister... who was gunned down in cold blood in a well-lit apartment building by a shooter who left the weapon at the crime scene, we can't even put together enough to keep anybody interested.

Skinner:
I don't think this had anything to do with interest.

Scully:
If I may say so, sir. It has everything to do with interest. Just not yours and not mine.

Scully:
I'm just constantly amazed by you. You're working down here in the basement, sifting through files and transmissions that any other agent would just throw away in the garbage.

Mulder:
Well, that's why I'm in the basement, Scully.

Scully:
You're in the basement because they're afraid of you, of your relentlessness, and because they know that they could drop you in the middle of the desert and tell you the truth is out there, and you'd ask them for a shovel.

Commander Johansen:
Conscience, it's just the voices of the dead trying to save us from our own damnation.

Jeraldine Kallenchuk:
Actually, it's none of your damn business.

Fox Mulder:
Actually, you know, it is my damn business, because whatever it is you're selling is killing two Navy servicemen in a hospital back in Maryland, which is why I'm going to have to arrest you.

Jeraldine Kallenchuk:
Arrest me? With what, your chopsticks? This is Hong Kong, Mr. Mulder, they don't allow handguns here. They took yours away at the airport.

[He handcuffs her left wrist, and shows the other cuff attached to his right]

Jeraldine Kallenchuk:
Hey! You can't do that!

Fox Mulder:
I just did.

Jeraldine Kallenchuk:
You're violating my civil rights!

Fox Mulder:
You gave up your civil rights when you committed treason.

Dana Scully:
I'm on my way. That was Agent Doggett again. They're waiting. Mom, I've got to go.

Margaret Scully:
It's the middle of the night, Dana. I just don't understand what can't wait 'til tomorrow.

Dana Scully:
Mom, it's important. I wouldn't go if it weren't.

Margaret Scully:
Yes, I know, Dana. You say it's about getting answers.

Dana Scully:
Answers about William, Mom.

Margaret Scully:
I know you're worried about him... that there are things about him that you just can't explain - but even if you were to get those answers what would it change?

Dana Scully:
Mom, he's my child.

Margaret Scully:
And you have to love him and raise him in spite of everything. Dana, god has given you a miracle. A child that wasn't supposed to be. Maybe it's not to question... just to be taken as a matter of faith.

Dana Scully:
Mom, I can't take this on faith. I need to know. I need to know if it's really God I have to thank.

Mulder:
Modell psyched the guy out, he put the whammy on him!

Scully:
Please explain to me the scientific nature of the Whammy.

Robert Patrick Modell:
[after the hearing] I believe you owe me five dollars.

[Mulder reaches for his wallet, then looks down]

Mulder:
Hey, your shoe's untied.

[Modell looks down, then back up]

Mulder:
Made you look... how do you do it?

Scully:
I dug up a few things on a Robert Patrick Modell.

Mulder:
Let me guess: he was an average student, he went to an average community college, and he did an average stint in the military.

Scully:
Which branch of service?

Mulder:
Not his first choice. He wanted to be a Navy SEAL, and then he wanted to be an Army Special Forces Green Beret, was promptly washed out of both, though not for lack of intelligence. Ended up becoming a supply clerk at Fort Bragg. Served two years, general discharge.

Scully:
Did you know that he applied to the FBI?

[Mulder's expression makes clear that he didn't]

Scully:
He didn't even come close to passing the psych screenings.

Mulder:
You got a copy of that?

Scully:
Yeah. They found him to be "acutely ego-centered." He has no regard for the feelings of others and insists on perceiving people as objects. He is extremely suspicious of governments and authority...

Mulder:
Yet he wants to be *in* authority.

Scully:
The screener caught him in a dozen self-aggrandizing lies, saying he was a master of martial arts, that he had been trained by Gurkhas in Nepal and ninjas in Japan...

Mulder:
Well, ninjas are said to be able to cloud the minds of their opponents.

Scully:
Are we talking kung fu movies, Mulder?

[after Modell induces Burst to have a fatal heart attack]

Mulder:
You mean you killed this man for nothing, you sick bastard?

Robert Patrick Modell:
[laughs] Haven't you figured it out, Mulder? They all kill themselves.

[Mulder theorizes that Modell's suggestive ability comes from a brain tumor]

Scully:
Mulder, more to the point, if Modell did have a brain tumor, the effects on his health would be more debilitating. It's likely he simply wouldn't be well enough to play these cat-and-mouse games with us.

Mulder:
Maybe he isn't. Maybe that's the whole point.

Scully:
What do you mean?

Mulder:
At the driving range, he didn't let us capture him. He was too sick, too tired, too wiped out. I mean, why would a killer who was so proficient confess to fourteen murders that he'd already gotten away with? Maybe he's dying.

Scully:
And he wants to go out in a blaze of glory.

Mulder:
Not with a whimper but with a bang.

Mulder:
I don't know, maybe it's an aspect of some Eastern martial art. You know, a specific alteration of the brain's chemistry caused by some specific timbre or cadence in Modell's voice. His voice seems to be the key.

Scully:
Mulder, Modell's last employment was as a convenience store clerk. He has never been trained by ninjas, he has never even been outside the U.S. He is just a little man who wishes that he were someone big. And we're feeding that wish! That failed psych screening? If Modell could actually control people's minds, right now he'd be an FBI agent, right? He'd be a Green Beret, a Navy SEAL...

[last lines]

[Mulder looks at Modell, lying in a coma. Scully enters]

Scully:
There's no telling how long he'll hang on, but he'll never regain consciousness.

Mulder:
You know, we thought he was undergoing treatment. We were wrong.

Scully:
What do you mean?

Mulder:
Read his chart. The MRI's were a way to gauge how much life he had left, but he consistently refused treatment. The tumor remained operable right up until the end, but he refused to have it removed.

Scully:
Why?

Mulder:
I think it's like you said. He was always such a little man. This was finally something that made him feel big.

[Scully takes his arm]

Scully:
I say we don't let him take up another minute of our time.

Mulder:
Hey, Scully, check this out! Mango-kiwi tropical swirl... Now we know we're dealin' with a madman!

Mulder:
[repeated by multiple characters] He had to go.

Scully:
Nature's calling, I think we should pull over soon.

Mulder:
Did you really have to bring that thing?

Scully:
You wake me up on a Saturday morning, tell me to be ready in five minutes, my mother's out of town, all of the dog sitters are booked and you know how I feel about kennels. So, unless you want to lose your security deposit on the car, I suggest you pull over.

Scully:
I called him Ahab and he called me Starbuck. So I named my dog Queequeg. It's funny, I just realised something.

Mulder:
It's a bizarre name for a dog, huh?

Scully:
No. How much you're like Ahab. You're so... consumed by your personal vengeance against life, whether it be its inherent cruelties or its mysteries, that everything takes on a warped significance to fit your megalomaniacal cosmology.

Mulder:
Scully, are you coming on to me?

Scully:
You know, on the old mariners' maps, the cartographers would designate uncharted territory by writing "here be monsters."

Mulder:
I've got a map of New York City just like that.

[On sea monsters]

Mulder:
Sounds like you know a little something about the subject.

Scully:
I did as a kid, but then I grew up and became a scientist.

Mulder:
Hey Scully, do you you think you could ever cannibalize someone? I mean, if you really had to?

Scully:
Well, as much as the very idea is abhorrent to me, I suppose, under certain conditions, a living entity is practically conditioned to perform whatever extreme measures are necessary to ensure its survival. I suppose I'm no different.

Mulder:
You've lost some weight recently, haven't you?

Scully:
Yeah, actually, I have. Thanks for notic...

[she stops and gives him a look]

Scully:
Living in the city, you forget a lot of things. You know, there you're always thinking about being mugged or hit by a car. It's not until you get back to nature that you realize that everything is out to get you. That's why my father always taught me to respect nature 'cause it has no respect for you.

Dr. Paul Farraday:
You can't turn your back on nature, or she will turn her back on you!

Martin Wells:
The passage of time in prison is not in a cell of brick and mortar but in one of hopes dashed and tragedies unaverted. How precious, then, the chance to go back, only to discover that in facing the past you must face up to yourself; and exiting the prison of time doesn't free you from the prison of your own character, one from which there is no escape.

Martin Wells:
This is all happening for a reason. I... I'm being given a second chance.

Skinner:
As you compound the lies, you compound the consequences for them.

Scully:
All lies lead to the truth.

[the Cigarette Smoking Man opens the door to Mulder's apartment with a lock pick. He shuts the door behind him and looks around the apartment. He sees the chalk outline of the dead man. He sees a framed picture of Fox and Samantha as kids and cries softly, realizing how he ruined their lives. He puts the picture down. He looks at the blood on the floor and looks at the ceiling peep hole nervously]

Skinner:
They're cleaning up, taking everything away.

Mulder:
Not everything. Scully's cancer's gone into remission.

Skinner:
That's unbelievable news.

Mulder:
It's the best news I could have ever heard.

Mulder:
[answering the phone after a confrontation with Scully's brother at the hospital] One sorry son of a b*tch speaking.

Scully:
Have you ever witnessed a miracle, Dr. Zuckerman?

Dr. Zuckerman:
I don't know that I have. But I have seen people make recoveries, come back from so far gone I can't explain it.

Scully:
Isn't that a miracle?

Dr. Zuckerman:
Maybe they are miracles... But I don't dare call them that.

The Cigarette Smoking Man:
Quit the FBI, come work for me. I can make your problems go away.

Scully:
[a Catholic priest enters Scully's hospital room] You'll be in my prayers.

Mulder:
[Rising to leave] Have the Father say a few "Hail Mulder"'s for me.

[Meeting the Cigarette Smoking Man in the hospital where Scully is]

Mulder:
Please tell me you're here with severe chest pains.

Senior Agent:
Agent Mulder, the Section Chief asked you a question you are going to answer!

Mulder:
I can't do that!

Senior Agent:
You can and you will!

Mulder:
I can't do that sir, because the Section Chief is the man I'm about to name! [Blevins eyes shoot wide open. All look at him. Skinner looks at Mulder. Mulder sits back in his chair, there, he's done it]

[the Cigarette Smoking Man stares, depressed, at a photograph of Samantha and Mulder as kids. He looks out the window just as a shot is fired from across the street]

[Blevins rushes in and shuts the door behind him. There's a man in at his desk on the phone. He hangs up and stands. Blevins rushes to the desk to confront him, he's confronted with a bullet to the chest instead. The shooter puts the gun in Blevins hand after wiping off the fingerprints with a ShamWow cloth and leaves]

[Cigarette Smoking Man lies on the floor presumably bleeding to death, holding the photograph of Samantha and Mullder as he falls unconscious]

[Scene fades out to black]

Barbara Doggett:
Agent Scully? I'm Barbara. John's ex-wife.

Scully:
Hi. I'm Dana. Nice to meet you.

Barbara Doggett:
He said you'd be coming by.

Scully:
You weren't able to make an identification?

Barbara Doggett:
I didn't expect to. You know he doesn't think clearly about this. He can't.

Scully:
He blames himself.

Barbara Doggett:
He thinks he failed Luke. In his mind, he can never do enough, never suffer enough, for what happened. I think if you could help him find the man who did this, maybe... he could move on. He and Monica could have something together. He just won't let her in.

Mulder:
Who is it?

Scully:
It's me.

Mulder:
What's wrong, Scully? You look sick.

Scully:
I don't know what's wrong.

Mulder:
Come in.

Scully:
I, um... I was starting to get ready for bed and I started to feel really dizzy - vertigo or something - and then I just... I started to get chills.

Mulder:
You want me to call a doctor?

Scully:
No, I just... I just want to get warm. Thank you.

Mulder:
It's not worth it, Scully.

Scully:
What?

Mulder:
I want you to go home.

Scully:
Oh, Mulder, I'm going to be fine.

Mulder:
No, I've been thinking about it. Looking at you tonight, holding that baby... knowing everything that's been taken away from you. A chance for motherhood and your health and that baby. I think that... I don't know, maybe they're right.

Scully:
Who's right?

Mulder:
The FBI. Maybe what they say is true, though for all the wrong reasons. It's the personal costs that are too high. There so much more you need to do with your life. There's so much more than this. There has to be an end, Scully.

Scully:
Mulder, if any of this is true...

Mulder:
If it is, or if it isn't, I want you to forget about it, Scully.

Scully:
Forget about it?

Mulder:
You're not going back out there. I'm not going to let you go back out there.

Scully:
What are you talking about?

Mulder:
It has to end some time. That time is now.

Scully:
Mulder...

Mulder:
Scully, you have to understand that they're taking abductees. You're an abductee. I'm not going to risk... losing you.

Scully:
I won't let you go alone.

Agent Chesty Short:
I see the money bleed out, but it just doesn't seem to make the results of your work any better. So many of the cases you investigate are left unexplained. Makes it hard to justify the expense.

Scully:
So much of the work that we do cannot be measured in standard terms.

Agent Chesty Short:
How would you measure it?

Scully:
We open doors with the X-Files, which lead to other doors.

Agent Chesty Short:
Doors leading to..."A conspiracy of men who cooperated with alien beings to create human alien hybrids. So we could all become slaves of an alien invasion."

Scully:
I believe that there was once a conspiracy. I believe I was taken by men who subjected me to medical tests, which gave me cancer and left me barren.

Agent Chesty Short:
But you don't believe in aliens?

Scully:
I've seen things that I cannot deny.

Cigarette Smoking Man:
As you do to Mulder and to me, you do to all of mankind, Alex.

[Krycek pushes him down the stairs]

Dana Scully:
Mulder, would you do me a favor?

Dana Scully:
Would you smell Mr. Jarvis?

Priest:
Sometimes we must come full circle to find the truth. Why does that surprise you?

Dana Scully:
Mostly it just makes me afraid.

Priest:
Afraid?

Dana Scully:
Afraid that God is speaking, but that no one's listening.

Owen Lee Jarvis:
I was only asked to protect the boy.

Fox Mulder:
By who? Who asked you to protect him?

Owen Lee Jarvis:
God.

Fox Mulder:
[snickers] That's quite a long distance call, isn't it?

Fox Mulder:
[to Scully; pouty] You never draw my bath.

Dana Scully:
Him? That thing in my spine is a *him*?

Mulder:
You got a brother, don't you, Scully?

Scully:
Yeah, I've got an older one and a younger one.

Mulder:
Well, have you ever thought about calling one of them all day long and then all of a sudden the phone rings and it's one of them calling you?

Scully:
Does this pitch somehow end with a way for me to lower my long distance charges?

Mulder:
You know, I had a dream last night. I dreamt I was swimming in this, uh, pool. And I could see my father underwater. But when I dove down, the water stung my eyes. And there was another man at the pool, watching me. He upset me. He was asking me questions I didn't want to answer. And I had to leave. I couldn't find my father.

Mulder:
Max could tell them. You know why you collapsed don't you, Max?

Max Harden:
Yeah, too much teen spirit.

Mulder:
You think? Smells like murder to me.

Scully:
You've been our ally more times than I can say.

Skinner:
Not the kind of ally that I could have been.

Uniformed Cop:
I'm not so sure you should be doing that.

Fox Mulder:
[Flipping through documents on Dr. Orgel's desk] This is a crime scene. What would you rather I be doing?

Uniformed Cop:
Uh, it's just that I'm concerned for Dr. Orgel's personal property and the preservation of evidence.

Fox Mulder:
I would be a lot more concerned with the preservation of Dr. Orgel.

Scully:
Sir, if this man poisoned you, you should be off your feet and under doctor's care.

Skinner:
If this man poisoned me, I'm going to put a gun to his head, find out why, and ask him how he's going to make me well.

Skinner:
Every minute of every day, we choose. Who we are. Who we forgive. Who we defend and protect. To choose a side or to walk the line. To play the middle. To straddle the fence between what is and what should be. This was the course I chose. Trying to find the delicate balance of interests that can never exist. Choosing by not choosing. Defending a center which cannot hold. So death chose for me.

John Doggett:
What are you saying, Ray Pearce has become some kind of metal man? 'Cause that only happens in the movies, Agent Scully.

Dana Scully:
Does it, Agent Doggett?

Fox Mulder:
Are you aware that Dr Lloyd is claiming that he was possessed during the incident?

Nurse Rebecca Waite:
I guess it's cheaper than malpractice insurance.

Dana Scully:
There's magic going on here, Mulder. Only it's being done with silicone, collagen, and a well-placed scalpel.

FBI Agent Leyla Harrison:
[after talking to the boy finding out she dregged them out there for no reason] I apologize. I let my imagination run wild and I ruined both your evenings. Thank you in advance for not yelling at me.

John Doggett:
Somethings going on here.

FBI Agent Leyla Harrison:
Wait, there is?

FBI Agent Leyla Harrison:
Agent Mulder wasted no time closing that case. I just try to think like him. What would Agents Mulder and Scully do if they were in this situation?

John Doggett:
Agents Mulder and Scully aren't in this situation. Agents Doggett and Reyes are. I don't know about Agent Reyes, but Agent Doggett's going to sit his tired ass down.

Dana Scully:
Unless you bring me Spanky, there's nothing I can do.

Gabe Rotter:
You gotta be freakin' kidding me. I can't believe you're cutting up a dead cat on your kitchen table.

Dana Scully:
Will you keep your voice down, please? You're going to wake my baby.

Fox Mulder:
[climbing a tree] Hey Scully, is this demonstration of boyish agility turning you on at all?

Fox Mulder:
[seeing Mr. Matthew's skeleton encompassed by foliage] Talk about putting down roots.

Scully:
Mulder?

Mulder:
Over here.

Scully:
What is it?

Mulder:
Diazepam. She used them to sleep.

Scully:
Is there a note?

Mulder:
No. She called when I was in California. She wanted to talk, but, uh... I never called her back.

Scully:
Mulder...

Mulder:
I didn't... Why would she do this? It just doesn't make any sense.

Scully:
We never truly know why.

Mulder:
No, she wouldn't kill herself. Why are these pictures gone? There were photos here. There were photos of my sister and I. This is all that she had left of us and they're missing. Why...? She saw me on the news. She wanted to talk about the missing girl, Amber Lynn. She wanted to tell me something about her, or maybe she couldn't tell me over the phone because she was afraid that they would do something like this to her.

Scully:
Who?

Mulder:
Whoever took my sister. Look at this place. I mean, it's like... it's all staged - the pills, the oven, the tape. It's like a bad movie script. They would... they would have come here and they would have threatened her. She would be upset; they would have to sedate her. I would look for a, uh... a needle puncture mark or something else in her system besides these pills.

Scully:
No, Mulder. Please don't ask me to do this.

Mulder:
Scully, who else can I ask?

Scully:
An autopsy, Mulder? I mean, it's one thing on a stranger but you're my friend, and she's your mother...

Mulder:
I know, but if you don't do it, I might never know the truth.

Scully:
Don't go looking for something you don't want to find.

Mulder:
Do you believe in the afterlife, Scully?

Scully:
I'd settle for a life in this one.

Scully:
You lied. You have seen it before, I can tell. You lied to them.

Mulder:
I would never lie. I willfully participated in a campaign of misinformation.

Scully:
Who do you think they were?

Mulder:
NSA, CIA, some convert organization that Congress will uncover in the next scandal. It's not important who they are but what they have and I'm sure they have no idea because they called us in. I have X-Files. Each case has an element of what we saw tonight. Residual electrostatic charge, internal mutilation without any corresponding external causality. But none has all the elements combined in one case.

Scully:
How can the esophagus be crushed without the neck even being touched?

Mulder:
Psychokinetic manipulation.

Scully:
Psychokinesis? You mean how Carrie got even at the prom?

Mulder:
[after having been in a car accident caused by Howard Graves's ghost] Hi. The paramedics check you out?

Scully:
Yeah. I'm fine. Although I do have a standing-in-line-at-the-DMV-sized headache.

Mulder:
Mine's more IRS sized.