This Is the End

This Is the End

This Is the End is a 2013 American apocalyptic comedy film about Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel and many other celebrities who are faced with the apocalypse, while attending a party at James Franco's house.

Genre: Comedy, Fantasy
Production: Sony Pictures
  10 wins & 20 nominations.
 
IMDB:
6.6
Metacritic:
67
Rotten Tomatoes:
83%
R (Restricted)
Year:
2013
107
$96,200,000
Website
10,733 Views

James Franco:
Who did this?

Seth Rogen:
Did what? What are you talking about?

James Franco:
Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine I was nice enough to tell you about.

Danny McBride:
[Raises hand] It was me, Franco. I f***in' made jizz in your magazine.

James Franco:
Why?

Danny McBride:
When I f***in' jack off long enough, I end up jizzin', dude. I'm assuming, the same sh*t works for you?

James Franco:
Real f***in' smart answer! Why don't you f***in' aim, huh?

Danny McBride:
I have a particularly explosive ejaculating that just goes everywhere. It's like a f***in' wild fireman's hose - you just got to grab on and pray to God it doesn't get into your eyes or your mouth.

James Franco:
The f*** kind of jerking off is that? What, you never had any brothers? You never learned to jizz in a f***in' sock or on a f***in' tissue?

Danny McBride:
You think that's the only thing I jerk off on in here? I've been dropping off loads around this f***in' house like a goddamn dump truck.

James Franco:
You don't cum on my stuff!

Danny McBride:
I'll cum wherever the f*** I want, James! I'll f***in' cum in your kitchen, I'll cum on your f***in' art, I'll cum anywhere I want!

James Franco:
I will f***in' cum right on you! I will cum like a f***in' madman all over you, McBride!

Danny McBride:
Ooh! I f***in' wish you'd cum on me right now! I f***in' dare you to cum on me!

[Both men exchange masturbation gestures at each other]

Danny McBride:
[Grabbing baseball bat between his legs] I'm gonna jack my dick so f***in' hard in here...

James Franco:
This, no more, man! All over your f***in' face!

Danny McBride:
...All over the f***in' floor, all over the f***in' place! I'll cum everywhere!

James Franco:
[Waving gun] No more f***in' jerking off all over my house, McBride!

Emma Watson:
[Holding an axe] Back the f*** up!

James Franco:
Emma, what's wrong?

Seth Rogen:
W-W-W-What's wrong?

Emma Watson:
What's wrong? I just heard you guys talking about which one of you's gonna get to rape me.

All:
No! No, no, no, no!

Seth Rogen:
I got it, I got it, no, it's funny, it's funny. We were specifically talking about not raping you... [Emma hits Rogen's nose with the back of her axe] OH!

Jay Baruchel:
Holy sh*t!

Emma Watson:
BACK UP! [swishes her axe around]

Jonah Hill:
It's me, Jonah! It's me, Jonah Hill, America's sweetheart, J-bug, J-bone, your friend! I would never hurt you...

Emma Watson:
GET BACK! GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO DRINK, PUT IT IN THE BAG!

Seth Rogen:
There's six of us, YOU CANNOT ROB US!

Emma Watson:
I'M NOT F***ING AROUND! [chops off a fake penis using her axe]

Craig Robinson:
GIVE HER DRINKS!

James Franco:
Okay!

Craig Robinson:
GIVE HER DRINKS! PUT THE DRINKS IN HER BAG!

Danny McBride:
Oh, God!

[Seth and James rush to the kitchen table and put the remaining drinks away in Emma's bag]

Craig Robinson:
PUT ALL THE DRINKS IN HER BAG!

Emma Watson:
HURRY THE F*** UP!

Jay Baruchel:
Okay, they're getting the drinks, put the axe down!

Craig Robinson:
Don't give the Milky Way away!

Jay Baruchel:
Put the axe down now!

[Seth hands the bag to Emma and she snatches it from him.]

Danny McBride:
Okay? NOW, FRANCO, SHOOT HER FACE, SHOOT HER!

James Franco:
[to Danny] I'M NOT GONNA SHOOT EMMA WATSON! [to Emma] Look, Emma. Just stay here with us, it's a lot safer than out there. [Emma yells while chopping the boards off the boarded door with her axe and leaves]

Danny McBride:
Hermione just stole all of our sh*t.

Craig Robinson:
Little bitty ass, um, 20 year-old jacked us.

Danny McBride:
Then Jay suggested that we all rape her and now she's gone.

Jay Baruchel:
I didn't... I was just... I...

Danny McBride:
I think the only reason why he did that is because Jay knows he's about f***ing two minutes away from becoming the house b*tch himself.

Craig Robinson:
So now, um, motherfuckers is thirsty.

James Franco:
Who did this? Who did this?!

Seth Rogen:
Did what, what are you talking about?

James Franco:
[holds up his jizzed porn magazine] Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine I was nice enough to tell you about. Was it you, Seth?

Seth Rogen:
No.

James Franco:
No?

Danny McBride:
[raises hand] It was me, Franco, I f***in' made jizz in your magazine.

James Franco:
Why?!

Danny McBride:
When I f***in' jack off long enough, I end up jizzin', dude, I'm assuming, the same sh*t works for you?

James Franco:
Real f***ing smart answer, why don't you f***ing aim, huh?!

Danny McBride:
I have a particularly explosive ejaculating that just goes everywhere! It's like a f***in' wild fireman's hose, you just got to grab on and pray to God it doesn't get into your eyes or your mouth!

James Franco:
The f*** kind of jerking off is that, what, you never had any brothers, you never learned to jizz in a f***ing sock or on a f***in' tissue?!

Danny McBride:
No, I don't have any brothers, I was raised in a house of women!

James Franco:
I highly doubt they f***in' taught you to f***in' close your eyes and f***in' cum wherever the f*** you want!

Danny McBride:
I mean, you're getting all worked up over a f***in' porno mag! Who has goddamn porno mags anymore?! Welcome to the 21st century, Buck Rogers! You designed a house with f***ing iPads in the walls, yet you're jerkin' your dick like a goddamn pilgrim!

James Franco:
That's right, man. I like to f***in' read!

Danny McBride:
You think that's the only thing I jerk off in here? I've been dropping loads around this f***in' house like a goddamn dump truck.

James Franco:
YOU DON'T CUM ON MY STUFF!

Danny McBride:
I'll cum wherever the f*** I want, James. I'll f***in' cum in your kitchen, I'll cum on your f***in' art, I'LL CUM ANYWHERE I WANT!

James Franco:
I will f***in' cum right on you! I will cum like a f***in' madman all over you, McBride!

Danny McBride:
Ooh! I f***in' wish you'd cum on me right now, I f***in' DARE YOU TO CUM ON ME!

[Both men exchange masturbation gestures at each other]

Danny McBride:
[Grabbing baseball bat between his legs] I'm gonna jack my dick so f***in' hard in here!

James Franco:
This, no more, man, all over your f***in' face!

Danny McBride:
All over the f***in' floor, all over the f***in' place, I'll f***in' cum anywhere I want, I'll f***in' cum on these walls, I'll cum on the f***in' cabinets, on the f***in' furniture, I'LL CUM EVERYWHERE!

James Franco:
[points his revolver] If I see your dick one more time, I'm gonna f***ing shoot it off!

Danny McBride:
You don't have enough bullets, b*tch!

James Franco:
[waving his revolver] No f***in' jerking off in my house, McBride!

Craig Robinson:
Hey, hey, no, no, no, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?!

Danny McBride:
What am I doing? [Danny pours his glass with water as the others exclaim]

Seth Rogen:
F***, man!

Danny McBride:
What? I'm just pouring myself another glass of water to wash down that dry-ass Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

James Franco:
That's very nice, but you can't just pour yourself another glass of water, man, will you cut it out?!

Seth Rogen:
Yeah, we agreed to one glass at dinner. We voted on it, man.

Danny McBride:
Well, man, I'm just getting sick and tired of all these f***ing rules, man. You don't see me putting rules on you guys.

James Franco:
You cannot have another glass of water.

Danny McBride:
Jay weighs 150 pounds less than me. Why the f*** is it fair that him and I should drink the same amount of water? We should be dividing our rations based on our proportionate size.

Jonah Hill:
I don't wanna come off as a diva here or anything. It's just that I think everyone should split everything equally.

Danny McBride:
[mimicking Jonah] "I just think that everybody should have the f***ing same, I have a goddamn earring." SHUT THE F*** UP, JONAH!

James Franco:
You know what, Danny, if you weren't jizzing all the time, maybe you'd be more hydrated.

Danny McBride:
You're making me into a joke right now Franco and you are not gonna like the f***in' punch line.

James Franco:
No more jerking off, no more water, just sit the f*** down!

Danny McBride:
Okay, I'm done. We're not gonna have any more water.

Seth Rogen:
Good.

James Franco:
All right.

[Danny then grabs and pours the entire water gallon on himself which causes the others to come up to him and fight over the gallon]

Danny McBride:
YOU GUYS MADE THIS HAPPEN, YOU GUYS FORCED MY F***ING HAND BY GANGING UP ON ME!

James Franco:
[aims his revolver at Danny] GODDAMMIT, I'M GONNA F***ING KILL THIS MOTHERF***ER! [Danny sticks the revolver in his mouth, allowing James to shoot him but he throws it away]

Danny McBride:
That's what I thought. Nerd.

Seth Rogen:
[discussing the apocalypse] This sh*t's cray cray, guys. I mean, it's like, the real, like Apocalypse, it's like the Revel, Book of Revelations, like that means there's a God. Right? [Jay nods in agreement] I haven't led my life as though there's a God this whole time, who f***ing saw that coming that there's actually a God?

Jay Baruchel:
I-I'd say 95% of the planet.

Seth Rogen:
Jesus f***ing Christ, man.

Craig Robinson:
You might wanna stay away from saying that.

Seth Rogen:
"Jesus f***ing Christ"?

Craig Robinson:
Yes.

[Jay does the Holy Cross]

Seth Rogen:
Why? Why can't I say that?

Craig Robinson:
One of the 10 Commandments: "Thou shall not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain".

Seth Rogen:
Jesus isn't the name of the Lord. God is the name of the Lord.

Craig Robinson:
Jesus, God. It's all the same.

Jay Baruchel:
It's the trinity.

Seth Rogen:
Jesus...

Craig Robinson:
Father, Son, Holy Ghost.

James Franco:
It's like Neapolitan ice cream.

Seth Rogen:
I don't even know what the f***ing Commandments are.

James Franco:
Guys, I think this is sort of bullshit, because...we're all good people. I can look at each one of you in the eye, I know you're good.

Seth Rogen:
I'm good.

James Franco:
We're four actors, we bring joy to people's lives!

Jay Baruchel:
Yeah, but we don't do it for free, we get paid handsomely, much higher than the average profession.

James Franco:
It's not like it was just handed to any of us, we've worked really hard to be here.

Craig Robinson:
Yeah, pretend like it's hot when it's cold.

Seth Rogen:
Oh.

Craig Robinson:
You sitting on the beach, it's freezing, you in your drawers, talking about something, everybody's surfing.

Seth Rogen:
[whispering] I think God might've just f***ed up, made a mistake and left us behind by accident! I mean, he's got a lot of sh*t on his plate!

Craig Robinson:
It's not oversight, it's not a mistake. Okay, we gotta face facts, we're here and there's a reason we're all here.

James Franco:
Wh-Why you so sure?

Craig Robinson:
I've- [sighs] I've done things, man, I... I gouged a man's eyeballs out.

Jay Baruchel:
What the?

Seth Rogen:
Oh, f*** off.

James Franco:
Craig.

Craig Robinson:
Well I was a kid, man, it was a f***in' bar fight. It was a bad football game, he said I didn't call spinneys and I f***in' called spinneys, he got all in my face and I smashed a bottle across his face...

Jay Baruchel:
[exhales deeply]

Craig Robinson:
And the first eyeball was an accident, but then I was, like, f*** it. And I went for the second one.

Seth Rogen:
[exhales deeply]

Craig Robinson:
It was f***ed up, but you know what? That sh*t happens, I'm saying that's... I think that's why I'm here.

James Franco:
I gotta admit something. I, uh.... I f***ed Lindsay Lohan. She was f***ed up, she was high. It was at the Chateau Marmont, she kept banging on my door.

Jay Baruchel:
[grunts]

James Franco:
She kept calling me Jake Gyllenhaal.

Seth Rogen:
That's f***ed up.

James Franco:
Yeah, I said, uh, "Call me the Prince of Persia".

Craig Robinson:
See, that's what I'm saying, man. We've all done bad sh*t, you know? We've done more bad sh*t than good in our lives and... [sighs] It's time to pay the piper.

[the power suddenly goes out]

Seth Rogen:
Whoa.

James Franco:
Oh, sh*t! Something's wrong! [whispers] God did this. [lights lighter] He gave us light, and then he took it away.

Jonah Hill:
[growling]

Jay Baruchel:
You hear that?! It's the soundtrack of us going insane.

Craig Robinson:
[worried about Jonah, whispering] Damn, I wish there was something we could do to help him.

Jay Baruchel:
I know what we can do. [blows out lighter]


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