This Is the End

This Is the End

This Is the End is a 2013 American apocalyptic comedy film about Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel and many other celebrities who are faced with the apocalypse, while attending a party at James Franco's house.

Genre: Comedy, Fantasy
Production: Sony Pictures
  10 wins & 20 nominations.
 
IMDB:
6.6
Metacritic:
67
Rotten Tomatoes:
83%
R (Restricted)
Year:
2013
107
$96,200,000
Website
16,210 Views
Nothing ruins a party like the end of the world
Ending Summer 2013

James Franco:
Who did this?

Seth Rogen:
Did what? What are you talking about?

James Franco:
Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine I was nice enough to tell you about.

Danny McBride:
[Raises hand] It was me, Franco. I f***in' made jizz in your magazine.

James Franco:
Why?

Danny McBride:
When I f***in' jack off long enough, I end up jizzin', dude. I'm assuming, the same sh*t works for you?

James Franco:
Real f***in' smart answer! Why don't you f***in' aim, huh?

Danny McBride:
I have a particularly explosive ejaculating that just goes everywhere. It's like a f***in' wild fireman's hose - you just got to grab on and pray to God it doesn't get into your eyes or your mouth.

James Franco:
The f*** kind of jerking off is that? What, you never had any brothers? You never learned to jizz in a f***in' sock or on a f***in' tissue?

Danny McBride:
You think that's the only thing I jerk off on in here? I've been dropping off loads around this f***in' house like a goddamn dump truck.

James Franco:
You don't cum on my stuff!

Danny McBride:
I'll cum wherever the f*** I want, James! I'll f***in' cum in your kitchen, I'll cum on your f***in' art, I'll cum anywhere I want!

James Franco:
I will f***in' cum right on you! I will cum like a f***in' madman all over you, McBride!

Danny McBride:
Ooh! I f***in' wish you'd cum on me right now! I f***in' dare you to cum on me!

[Both men exchange masturbation gestures at each other]

Danny McBride:
[Grabbing baseball bat between his legs] I'm gonna jack my dick so f***in' hard in here...

James Franco:
This, no more, man! All over your f***in' face!

Danny McBride:
...All over the f***in' floor, all over the f***in' place! I'll cum everywhere!

James Franco:
[Waving gun] No more f***in' jerking off all over my house, McBride!

Emma Watson:
[Holding an axe] Back the f*** up!

James Franco:
Emma, what's wrong?

Seth Rogen:
W-W-W-What's wrong?

Emma Watson:
What's wrong? I just heard you guys talking about which one of you's gonna get to rape me.

All:
No! No, no, no, no!

Seth Rogen:
I got it, I got it, no, it's funny, it's funny. We were specifically talking about not raping you... [Emma hits Rogen's nose with the back of her axe] OH!

Jay Baruchel:
Holy sh*t!

Emma Watson:
BACK UP! [swishes her axe around]

Jonah Hill:
It's me, Jonah! It's me, Jonah Hill, America's sweetheart, J-bug, J-bone, your friend! I would never hurt you...

Emma Watson:
GET BACK! GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO DRINK, PUT IT IN THE BAG!

Seth Rogen:
There's six of us, YOU CANNOT ROB US!

Emma Watson:
I'M NOT F***ING AROUND! [chops off a fake penis using her axe]

Craig Robinson:
GIVE HER DRINKS!

James Franco:
Okay!

Craig Robinson:
GIVE HER DRINKS! PUT THE DRINKS IN HER BAG!

Danny McBride:
Oh, God!

[Seth and James rush to the kitchen table and put the remaining drinks away in Emma's bag]

Craig Robinson:
PUT ALL THE DRINKS IN HER BAG!

Emma Watson:
HURRY THE F*** UP!

Jay Baruchel:
Okay, they're getting the drinks, put the axe down!

Craig Robinson:
Don't give the Milky Way away!

Jay Baruchel:
Put the axe down now!

[Seth hands the bag to Emma and she snatches it from him.]

Danny McBride:
Okay? NOW, FRANCO, SHOOT HER FACE, SHOOT HER!

James Franco:
[to Danny] I'M NOT GONNA SHOOT EMMA WATSON! [to Emma] Look, Emma. Just stay here with us, it's a lot safer than out there. [Emma yells while chopping the boards off the boarded door with her axe and leaves]

Danny McBride:
Hermione just stole all of our sh*t.

Craig Robinson:
Little bitty ass, um, 20 year-old jacked us.

Danny McBride:
Then Jay suggested that we all rape her and now she's gone.

Jay Baruchel:
I didn't... I was just... I...

Danny McBride:
I think the only reason why he did that is because Jay knows he's about f***ing two minutes away from becoming the house b*tch himself.

Craig Robinson:
So now, um, motherfuckers is thirsty.

James Franco:
Who did this? Who did this?!

Seth Rogen:
Did what, what are you talking about?

James Franco:
[holds up his jizzed porn magazine] Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine I was nice enough to tell you about. Was it you, Seth?

Seth Rogen:
No.

James Franco:
No?

Danny McBride:
[raises hand] It was me, Franco, I f***in' made jizz in your magazine.

James Franco:
Why?!

Danny McBride:
When I f***in' jack off long enough, I end up jizzin', dude, I'm assuming, the same sh*t works for you?

James Franco:
Real f***ing smart answer, why don't you f***ing aim, huh?!

Danny McBride:
I have a particularly explosive ejaculating that just goes everywhere! It's like a f***in' wild fireman's hose, you just got to grab on and pray to God it doesn't get into your eyes or your mouth!

James Franco:
The f*** kind of jerking off is that, what, you never had any brothers, you never learned to jizz in a f***ing sock or on a f***in' tissue?!

Danny McBride:
No, I don't have any brothers, I was raised in a house of women!

James Franco:
I highly doubt they f***in' taught you to f***in' close your eyes and f***in' cum wherever the f*** you want!

Danny McBride:
I mean, you're getting all worked up over a f***in' porno mag! Who has goddamn porno mags anymore?! Welcome to the 21st century, Buck Rogers! You designed a house with f***ing iPads in the walls, yet you're jerkin' your dick like a goddamn pilgrim!

James Franco:
That's right, man. I like to f***in' read!

Danny McBride:
You think that's the only thing I jerk off in here? I've been dropping loads around this f***in' house like a goddamn dump truck.

James Franco:
YOU DON'T CUM ON MY STUFF!

Danny McBride:
I'll cum wherever the f*** I want, James. I'll f***in' cum in your kitchen, I'll cum on your f***in' art, I'LL CUM ANYWHERE I WANT!

James Franco:
I will f***in' cum right on you! I will cum like a f***in' madman all over you, McBride!

Danny McBride:
Ooh! I f***in' wish you'd cum on me right now, I f***in' DARE YOU TO CUM ON ME!

[Both men exchange masturbation gestures at each other]

Danny McBride:
[Grabbing baseball bat between his legs] I'm gonna jack my dick so f***in' hard in here!

James Franco:
This, no more, man, all over your f***in' face!

Danny McBride:
All over the f***in' floor, all over the f***in' place, I'll f***in' cum anywhere I want, I'll f***in' cum on these walls, I'll cum on the f***in' cabinets, on the f***in' furniture, I'LL CUM EVERYWHERE!

James Franco:
[points his revolver] If I see your dick one more time, I'm gonna f***ing shoot it off!

Danny McBride:
You don't have enough bullets, b*tch!

James Franco:
[waving his revolver] No f***in' jerking off in my house, McBride!

Craig Robinson:
Hey, hey, no, no, no, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?!

Danny McBride:
What am I doing? [Danny pours his glass with water as the others exclaim]

Seth Rogen:
F***, man!

Danny McBride:
What? I'm just pouring myself another glass of water to wash down that dry-ass Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

James Franco:
That's very nice, but you can't just pour yourself another glass of water, man, will you cut it out?!

Seth Rogen:
Yeah, we agreed to one glass at dinner. We voted on it, man.

Danny McBride:
Well, man, I'm just getting sick and tired of all these f***ing rules, man. You don't see me putting rules on you guys.

James Franco:
You cannot have another glass of water.

Danny McBride:
Jay weighs 150 pounds less than me. Why the f*** is it fair that him and I should drink the same amount of water? We should be dividing our rations based on our proportionate size.

Jonah Hill:
I don't wanna come off as a diva here or anything. It's just that I think everyone should split everything equally.

Danny McBride:
[mimicking Jonah] "I just think that everybody should have the f***ing same, I have a goddamn earring." SHUT THE F*** UP, JONAH!

James Franco:
You know what, Danny, if you weren't jizzing all the time, maybe you'd be more hydrated.

Danny McBride:
You're making me into a joke right now Franco and you are not gonna like the f***in' punch line.

James Franco:
No more jerking off, no more water, just sit the f*** down!

Danny McBride:
Okay, I'm done. We're not gonna have any more water.

Seth Rogen:
Good.

James Franco:
All right.

[Danny then grabs and pours the entire water gallon on himself which causes the others to come up to him and fight over the gallon]

Danny McBride:
YOU GUYS MADE THIS HAPPEN, YOU GUYS FORCED MY F***ING HAND BY GANGING UP ON ME!

James Franco:
[aims his revolver at Danny] GODDAMMIT, I'M GONNA F***ING KILL THIS MOTHERF***ER! [Danny sticks the revolver in his mouth, allowing James to shoot him but he throws it away]

Danny McBride:
That's what I thought. Nerd.

Seth Rogen:
[discussing the apocalypse] This sh*t's cray cray, guys. I mean, it's like, the real, like Apocalypse, it's like the Revel, Book of Revelations, like that means there's a God. Right? [Jay nods in agreement] I haven't led my life as though there's a God this whole time, who f***ing saw that coming that there's actually a God?

Jay Baruchel:
I-I'd say 95% of the planet.

Seth Rogen:
Jesus f***ing Christ, man.

Craig Robinson:
You might wanna stay away from saying that.

Seth Rogen:
"Jesus f***ing Christ"?

Craig Robinson:
Yes.

[Jay does the Holy Cross]

Seth Rogen:
Why? Why can't I say that?

Craig Robinson:
One of the 10 Commandments: "Thou shall not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain".

Seth Rogen:
Jesus isn't the name of the Lord. God is the name of the Lord.

Craig Robinson:
Jesus, God. It's all the same.

Jay Baruchel:
It's the trinity.

Seth Rogen:
Jesus...

Craig Robinson:
Father, Son, Holy Ghost.

James Franco:
It's like Neapolitan ice cream.

Seth Rogen:
I don't even know what the f***ing Commandments are.

James Franco:
Guys, I think this is sort of bullshit, because...we're all good people. I can look at each one of you in the eye, I know you're good.

Seth Rogen:
I'm good.

James Franco:
We're four actors, we bring joy to people's lives!

Jay Baruchel:
Yeah, but we don't do it for free, we get paid handsomely, much higher than the average profession.

James Franco:
It's not like it was just handed to any of us, we've worked really hard to be here.

Craig Robinson:
Yeah, pretend like it's hot when it's cold.

Seth Rogen:
Oh.

Craig Robinson:
You sitting on the beach, it's freezing, you in your drawers, talking about something, everybody's surfing.

Seth Rogen:
[whispering] I think God might've just f***ed up, made a mistake and left us behind by accident! I mean, he's got a lot of sh*t on his plate!

Craig Robinson:
It's not oversight, it's not a mistake. Okay, we gotta face facts, we're here and there's a reason we're all here.

James Franco:
Wh-Why you so sure?

Craig Robinson:
I've- [sighs] I've done things, man, I... I gouged a man's eyeballs out.

Jay Baruchel:
What the?

Seth Rogen:
Oh, f*** off.

James Franco:
Craig.

Craig Robinson:
Well I was a kid, man, it was a f***in' bar fight. It was a bad football game, he said I didn't call spinneys and I f***in' called spinneys, he got all in my face and I smashed a bottle across his face...

Jay Baruchel:
[exhales deeply]

Craig Robinson:
And the first eyeball was an accident, but then I was, like, f*** it. And I went for the second one.

Seth Rogen:
[exhales deeply]

Craig Robinson:
It was f***ed up, but you know what? That sh*t happens, I'm saying that's... I think that's why I'm here.

James Franco:
I gotta admit something. I, uh.... I f***ed Lindsay Lohan. She was f***ed up, she was high. It was at the Chateau Marmont, she kept banging on my door.

Jay Baruchel:
[grunts]

James Franco:
She kept calling me Jake Gyllenhaal.

Seth Rogen:
That's f***ed up.

James Franco:
Yeah, I said, uh, "Call me the Prince of Persia".

Craig Robinson:
See, that's what I'm saying, man. We've all done bad sh*t, you know? We've done more bad sh*t than good in our lives and... [sighs] It's time to pay the piper.

[the power suddenly goes out]

Seth Rogen:
Whoa.

James Franco:
Oh, sh*t! Something's wrong! [whispers] God did this. [lights lighter] He gave us light, and then he took it away.

Jonah Hill:
[growling]

Jay Baruchel:
You hear that?! It's the soundtrack of us going insane.

Craig Robinson:
[worried about Jonah, whispering] Damn, I wish there was something we could do to help him.

Jay Baruchel:
I know what we can do. [blows out lighter]

Danny McBride:
Stupid. Stupid mother--!

[nearly shoots James, Jonah, Jay, Seth and Craig numerous times which causes them to get scared to death]

James Franco:
F***ing psychopath! It's a prop gun! What, do you think I'd put real bullets in here?

Danny McBride:
You were gonna send me out there with a f***ing gun filled with blanks?

Seth Rogen:
Oh, f*** you! Don't turn this around on us. You tried to shoot us, you f***ing d*ckhead!

James Franco:
F***ing murdering motherf***er!

Danny McBride:
Whatever. F***ing civilization is broken down. There's no more reason for this false bullshit. You guys act like you're so f***ing high and mighty like you've never made a goddamn mistake before. Franco, you're some pretentious f***ing nerd.

James Franco:
F*** you.

Danny McBride:
Jonah... you f***ing c*nt. [Jonah glares at him offensively] Craig... you didn't have my back back there. You f***ing disappoint me.

Craig Robinson:
Bro.

Danny McBride:
Seth... you duplicitous taint.

Seth Rogen:
What?

Danny McBride:
And of course, there's Jay... the self-righteous, cock-sucking, two-faced backstabber.

Jay Baruchel:
What the f*** are you talking about?

Danny McBride:
I overheard your little conversation with Craig, alright? The only reason why you care about any of us is because you think that's what God wants you to do. You don't give a sh*t about us.

Jay Baruchel:
No, no, no, no. That-that's f***ing twisting that sh*t around, you're f***ing lying.

Danny McBride:
Am I twisting this? I believe you were in Los Angeles two months ago at the four seasons. I saw you there, and you specifically asked me not to tell Seth, so you could maintain the illusion that you always stay with Seth when you're in Los Angeles.

Craig Robinson:
Ooh! Jay.

Seth Rogen:
F***, man.

Danny McBride:
It's not, it's textbook twattage. [opens his hands like a book and closes them] And just for the record, you guys. I'm choosing to leave. You're not kicking me out. You guys had already said that I could come back in, and I'm the one who said that I'm not coming back in. Don't be cocky.

[backs out of the double doors]


Share your thoughts on This Is the End's quotes with the community:

0 Comments

    Quote of the Day Today's Quote | Archive

    Would you like us to send you a FREE inspiring quote delivered to your inbox daily?

    Please enter your email address:

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this movie page to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "This Is the End Quotes." Quotes.net. STANDS4 LLC, 2022. Web. 6 Dec. 2022. <https://www.quotes.net/movies/this_is_the_end_quotes_13973>.

    Know another quote from This Is the End?

    Don't let people miss on a great quote from the "This Is the End" movie - add it here!

    Browse Quotes.net

    Quiz

    Are you a quotes master?

    »
    "Nowadays you can go anywhere in the world in a few hours, and nothing is fabulous any more."
    • A. J. K. Rowling
    • B. Johnny Depp
    • C. Tom Cruise
    • D. Roald Dahl