True Romance

Elliot:
Hi. How are you? My name's Elliot, and I'm with the Cub Scouts of America. We're... we're selling uncut cocaine to get to the jamboree.

Dick Ritchie:
Clarence, do you have any idea how much coke you have here?

Clarence Worley:
How much?

Dick Ritchie:
I don't know, but it's a f***in' lot.

Clifford Worley:
'Cause you, you're part eggplant.

Vincenzo Coccotti:
Ohhh!

Clifford Worley:
Huh? Hey! Hey! Hey!

Vincenzo Coccotti:
You're a cantaloupe.

Drexl Spivey:
Marty. Y'know what we got here? Motherf***in' Charlie Bronson. Mr. Majestyk.

Nicholson:
You're an actor. Act, motherf***er.

Big Don:
I eat the p*ssy, I eat the butt, I eat every motherf***in' thang.

Drexl Spivey:
They got everything here from a diddled-eyed joe to damned if I know.

Mentor:
You think a cop gives a f*** about a pimp? Listen. Every pimp in the world gets shot. Two in the back of the f***in' head. Cops'd throw a party, man.

Clarence Worley:
Well, he ain't so much a good guy as he is just a bad mother f***er. I mean, he gets paid by people to f*** guys up.

Alabama:
If you gave me a million years to ponder, I would've never guessed that true romance and Detroit would ever go together.

Drexl Spivey:
Now I know I'm pretty, but I ain't as pretty as a couple of titties.

Clarence Worley:
Eliot, do I look like a beautiful blonde with big tits and an ass that tastes like French vanilla ice cream?

Elliot:
What?

Clarence Worley:
I said do I look like a beautiful blonde with big big tits and an ass that tastes like French vanilla ice cream?

Elliot:
No.

Clarence Worley:
No. Okay, then why are you telling me all this bullshit, huh? You wanna f*** me?

Lee:
Don't give me the finger. I'll f***ing have you killed.

Lee:
What does Joe like?

Elliot:
Um..."Body Bags 2".

Lee:
Oooo, that's imaginative. I've got more taste in my penis.

Clarence Worley:
I mean look at her. It looks like she fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Clarence Worley:
I always said, if I had to f*** a guy... I mean had to, if my life depended on it... I'd f*** Elvis.

Dick Ritchie:
I don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out. All I got is f***in' Floyd.

Floyd:
Don't condescend me, man. I'll f***in' kill ya, man.

Clifford Worley:
I haven't seen Clarence.

Coccotti:
You see that?

Coccotti:
That smarts, doesn't it? Getting slammed in the nose. F***s you all up. You get that pain shootin' through your brain, your eyes fill up with water. That ain't any kind of fun, but what I have to offer you, that's as good as it's gonna get. And it won't ever get that good again. We talked to your neighbors. They saw a Cadillac. Purple Cadillac. Clarence's purple Cadillac, parked in front of your trailer yesterday. Mr. Worley, you seen your son?

Coccotti:
You know who I am, Mr. Worley?

Clifford Worley:
I got no idea.

Coccotti:
I'm the Anti-Christ. You got me in a vendetta kind of mood. You tell the angels in heaven you never seen evil so singularly personified as you did in the face of the man who killed you. My name is Vincent Coccotti. I work as counsel for Mr. Blue Lou Boyle, the man your son stole from. I hear you were once a cop so I can assume you've heard of us before. Am I correct?

Clifford Worley:
I heard of Blue Lou Boyle.

Coccotti:
I'm glad. Hopefully it means we can cut out the part of the conversation where you're wondering how full of sh*t I am.

Coccotti:
Now, what we got here is a little game of show and tell. You don't wanna show me nothing but you're telling me everything.

Virgil:
Now the first time you kill somebody, that's the hardest. I don't give a sh*t if you're f***in' Wyatt Earp or Jack the Ripper. Remember that guy in Texas? The guy up in that f***in' tower that killed all them people? I'll bet you green money that first little black dot he took a bead on, that was the b*tch of the bunch. First one is tough, no f***in' foolin'. The second one... the second one ain't no f***in' Mardis Gras either, but it's better than the first one 'cause you still feel the same thing, y'know... except it's more diluted, y'know it's... it's better. I threw up on the first one, you believe that? Then the third one... the third one is easy, you level right off. It's no problem. Now... sh*t... now I do it just to watch their f***in' expression change.

Drexl Spivey:
He must have thought it was white boy day. It ain't white boy day, is it?

Marty:
No man, It ain't white boy day.

Clarence Worley:
If there's one thing this last week has taught me, it's better to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and not have it.

Alabama:
Amid the chaos of that day, when all I could hear was the thunder of gunshots, and all I could smell was the violence in the air, I look back and am amazed that my thoughts were so clear and true, that three words went through my mind endlessly, repeating themselves like a broken record: you're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool. And sometimes Clarence asks me what I would have done if he had died, if that bullet had been two inches more to the left. To this, I always smile, as if I'm not going to satisfy him with a response. But I always do. I tell him of how I would want to die, but that the anguish and the want of death would fade like the stars at dawn, and that things would be much as they are now. Perhaps. Except maybe I wouldn't have named our son Elvis.

Clarence Worley:
I mean, she... she a four alarm fire or what?

Alabama:
Okey dokey doggie daddy.

Clifford Worley:
Son of a b*tch was right. She taste's like a peach.

Clifford Worley:
You know, I don't believe you.

Coccotti:
That's of minor importance. What is of major f***ing importance is that I believe you.

Coccotti:
I haven't killed anybody since 1984. Goddamn his soul to burn for eternity in f***ing hell for making me get my hands dirty. Go over to this comedian's son's apartment, come back with something that tells me where that a**hole went, so I can wipe this egg off my face and finish this f***ed-up family for good.

Elliot:
This no longer concerns me right? So I'm just going to leave.

Lee:
How do you know his name? Why the f*** does he know your name? You piece of sh*t. You can forget about acting for the next twenty years, your f***ing career is over. Take your f***ing SAG card and burn it. You little cocksucker. I treated you like a son. You f***ing stab me in the heart.

Clarence Worley:
I can't tell you... that was one of the best times I ever had. It was. But, you know, I knew something must be rotten in Denmark. There was no way you could like me that much. Man, I can't tell you how relieved I was when you took off your dress, you... you didn't have a dick.

Alabama:
Stop being so f***ing calm about all this.

Clarence Worley:
Heeeellloooo baaabbbyyyy...

Boris:
Call me an ambulance. Somebody, call me an ambulance.

Nicky Dimes:
Shut up.

Boris:
F*** you, I'm bleeding.

Nicky Dimes:
I'll call you a hearst... this is for Cody.

Virgil:
All right, no more Mr F***ing Nice Guy.

Vincenzo Coccotti:
...your son, the cowboy, it's claimed, came in the room blazin', and didn't stop 'till they were pretty sure everybody was dead.

Clifford Worley:
What are you talkin' about?

Vincenzo Coccotti:
Talkin' about a massacre. They snatched my narcotics, hightailed it outta there. Woulda got away with it, but your son, f***head that he is, left his driver's license in a dead guy's hand.

Mentor:
I like you, Clarence. Always have. Always will.

Nicholson:
Man, this boy Clarence is a wild one, I like'em.

Mentor:
I gotta hand it to you Clarence.

Clarence Worley:
I was cool?

Mentor:
Naw man you were cooler than cool.

Alabama:
I'm gonna go jump in the tub and get all slippery and soapy and then hop in that waterbed and watch X-rated movies 'till you get your ass back in my lovn' arms.

Alabama:
Did I do my part okay?

Clarence Worley:
Bamaloo you were perfect.

Alabama:
Like a ninja?

Clarence Worley:
Like a ninja.

Virgil:
Hi.

Alabama:
Hi... cigarette?

Virgil:
No... that's a very nice outfit.

Alabama:
This? I got this in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Virgil:
Alabama, where's our coke and where's Clarence, and when's he coming back?

Alabama:
I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong room. My name is Saddie. We don't have any coke but there's a Pepsi machine down the hall. I don't know anybody named Clarence but perhaps my husband does. You can ask him because he'll be home any minute. He plays football. He's just at a... practice.

Nicholson:
You just made it big time.

Nicky Dimes:
You're no longer an extra...

Nicholson:
...or a bit player...

Nicky Dimes:
...or a supporting actor...

Nicholson:
...you're a f***ing star. You are a f***ing star. And you are going to be playing your one-man show for the next two f***ing years for a captive audience. And listen to this, you get out in a few years and meet some old lady, get married, and you'll be so unrestrained to your wife's needs because you'll know what it feels like to be a woman.

Nicky Dimes:
Of course, you'll only want to f*** her in the ass because that p*ssy wont be tight enough anymore.

Nicholson:
Good one detective, right you f***ing f*ggot?

Boris:
Lee, this guy's...

Lee:
Boris, please, I'm meeting people right now.

Clarence Worley:
Uh, Mr. Donowitz.

Lee:
Oh, Clarence, don't insult me, just call me Lee.

Boris:
Lee.

Lee:
Boris, shut the f*** up.

Lee:
Boris, shut the f*** up. We're all gonna die here. These are cops.

Boris:
So what, they're cops, who gives a sh*t? Hey Lee, there's something I never told you about me: I hate f***in' cops.

Vincenzo Coccotti:
We're gonna have a little Q&A, and at the risk of sounding redundant, please... make your answers genuine.

Drexl Spivey:
Ey' yo, yo why you trippin'? We're just f***in' with ya. Infact, I'm gonna show you what I mean with a little demonstration. Toss me the burner.

Drexl Spivey:
Alright, peep this. Pretend this is that fine centerfold b*tch, y'know what I'm saying'? And you're you...

Vincenzo Coccotti:
Sicilians are great liars. The best. We have generations of great liars in our family. My own father was the world heavyweight champion of Sicilian liars. And he taught me that a man has sixteen different behaviors and mannerisms that give him away when he's lying. A woman's got twenty, but anyway... and if you know these like the back of your own hand, they beat lie detectors all to hell.

Clarence:
You're a whore?

Alabama:
I'm not a whore. I'm a call-girl. There's a difference, you know?

Drexl Spivey:
No thanks? What does that mean? Means you ate before you came down here? All full. Is that it? Naw, I don't think so. I think you're too scared to be eatin'. Now, see we're sittin' down here, ready to negotiate, and you've already given up your sh*t. I'm still a mystery to you. But I know exactly where your white ass is comin' from. See, if I asked you if you wanted some dinner and you grabbed an egg roll and started to chow down, I'd say to myself, "This motherf***er's carryin' on like he ain't got a care in the world. Who know? Maybe he don't. Maybe this fool's such a bad motherf***er, he don't got to worry about nothin', he just sit down, eat my Chinese, watch my TV." See? You ain't even sat down yet. On that TV there, since you been in the room, is a woman with her breasteses hangin' out, and you ain't even bothered to look. You just been clockin' me. Now, I know I'm pretty, but I ain't as pretty as a couple of titties.

Clarence Worley:
I'm not eatin' 'cause I'm not hungry. I'm not sittin' 'cause I'm not stayin'. I'm not lookin' at the movie 'cause I saw it seven years ago. It's "The Mack" with Max Julien, Carol Speed, and Richard Pryor. I'm not scared of you. I just don't like you. In that envelope is some payoff money. Alabama's moving on to some greener pastures. We're not negotiatin'. I don't like to barter. I don't like to dicker. I never have fun in Tijuana. That price is non-negotiable. What's in that envelope is for my peace of mind. My peace of mind is worth that much. Not one penny more, not one penny more.

Coccotti:
We're gonna have a little Q&A and at the risk of sounding redundant, please make your answers genuine. You want a Chesterfield?

Clifford:
No.

Coccotti:
I have a son of my own. About your boy's age. I can imagine how painful this must be for you. But Clarence and that b*tch-whore girlfriend of his brought this all on themselves. I implore you not to go down that road with 'em. You can always take comfort in the fact you never had a choice.

Clifford:
Look I'd like to help you if I could, but I haven't seen Clarence.

Coccotti:
You see that? [Holding a clenched fist, then striking Clifford] That smarts, doesn't it? Getting slammed in the nose. Fucks you all up. You get that pain shootin' through your brain, your eyes fill up with water. That ain't any kind of fun, but what I have to offer you, that's as good as it's gonna get. And it won't ever get that good again. We talked to your neighbors. They saw a Cadillac. Purple Cadillac. Clarence's purple Cadillac, parked in front of your trailer yesterday. Mr. Worley, you seen your son?

Clifford:
I seen him.

Coccotti:
I can't be sure of how much of what he told you, so in the chance you're in the dark about some of this, let me shed some light. That whore your boy hangs around with, her pimp is an associate of mine, and I don't just mean pimpin', in other affairs he works for me in a courier capacity. Well, apparently, that dirty little whore found out when we're gonna do some business, 'cause your son, the cowboy, and his flame, came in the room blazin', and didn't stop 'till they were pretty sure everybody was dead.

Clifford:
What are you talkin' about?

Coccotti:
Talkin' about a massacre. They snatched my narcotics, hightailed it outta there. Woulda got away with it, but your son, fuckhead that he is, left his driver's license in the dead guy's hand. [laughing]

Clifford:
You know, I don't believe you.

Coccotti:
That's of minor importance, what is of major f***ing importance is that I believe you. Where'd they go?

Clifford:
On their honeymoon.

Coccotti:
I'm getting angry asking the same question a second time. Where did they go?

Clifford:
They didn't tell me. Now you just wait a minute and listen to me. I haven't seen Clarence in three years. He shows up yesterday with a young girl, sayin' that he got married. He ask uh for uh some quick cash to go on a honeymoon, he asked if he could borrow five hundred dollars. I felt like helping him so I wrote him out a check. We went to breakfast in the morning and that's the last I saw of him. So help me God. They never thought to tell me where they were goin'. And I never thought to ask.

[Henchmen cuts Clifford's hand and pours alcohol on the wound. Clifford cries out.]

Coccotti:
You know, Sicilians are great liars. The best in the world. I'm Sicilian. My father was the world heavyweight champion of Sicilian liars. From growin' up with him I learned the pantomime. There are seventeen different things a guy can do when he lies to give himself away. A guy's got seventeen pantomimes. A woman's got twenty, a guy's got seventeen. But if you know 'em like ya know your own face, they beat lie detectors all to hell. Now, what we got here is a little game of show and tell. You don't wanna show me nothin'. But you're tellin' me everything. I know you know where they are. So tell me, before I do some damage you won't walk away from.

Clifford:
Could I have one of those Chesterfields now?

Coccotti:
Sure.

Clifford:
You got a match? Oh wait no no, don't bother. I got one.

Clifford:
You're Sicilian, huh?

Coccotti:
Yeah, Sicilian.

Clifford:
You know, I read a lot. Especially about things in, uh, about history. I find that sh*t fascinating. Here's a fact, I don't know whether you know or not, Sicilians ... were spawned by n*ggers.

Coccotti:
Come again? [laughs]

Clifford:
It's a fact. You see, Sicilians have black blood pumpin' through their hearts. If you don't believe me, you can look it up. Hundreds and hundreds of years ago, you see, the Moors conquered Sicily. And the Moors are n*ggers.

Coccotti:
Yes...

Clifford:
So you see, way back then, uh, Sicilians were like, uh, wops from Northern Italy. Ah, they all had blonde hair and blue eyes, but, uh, well, then the Moors moved in there, and uh, well, they changed the whole country. They did so much f***in' with Sicilian women, huh? That they changed the whole bloodline forever. That's why blonde hair and blue eyes became black hair and dark skin. You know, it's absolutely amazing to me to think that to this day, hundreds of years later, that, uh, that Sicilians still carry that n*gger gene. Now this...

[Coccotti laughs]

Clifford:
No, I'm, no, I'm quoting... history. It's written. It's a fact, it's written.

Coccotti:
[laughing] I love this guy. This guy.

Clifford:
Your ancestors are n*ggers. Uh-huh. Hey. Yeah. And, and your great-great-great-great grandmother f***ed a n*gger, ho, ho, yeah, and she had a half-n*gger kid... now, if that's a fact, tell me, am I lying? 'Cause you, you're part eggplant.

[All laughing]

Coccotti:
Ohhh!

Clifford:
Huh? Hey! Hey! Hey!

Coccotti:
You're a cantaloupe. [laughing] Ohhh! This guy, beautiful.

[Kisses Clifford on the cheeks. Turns away, then shoots him]

Coccotti:
I haven't killed anybody since 1984. Go over to this comedian's son's apartment, come back with something that tells me where that a**hole went, so I can wipe this egg off my face and finish this f***ed-up family for good.

Cody Nicholson:
All right, you're all under arrest. Put the guns down!

Monty:
F*** you! All of you pigs drop your guns and back away.

Lee:
Monty, what the f*** are you doing? Just put your gun down.

Nicky Dimes:
Drop your guns now, motherf***er!

Boris:
F*** you, we can kill all of you a**holes and you know it now get your ass on the floor!

Lee:
Boris, shut the f*** up. We're all gonna die here. These are cops.

Boris:
So what, they're cops, who gives a sh*t? Hey Lee, there's something I never told you about me: I hate f***in' cops.

"You're so cool!"

Clarence Worley:
You just said you love me, now if I say I love you and just throw caution to the wind and let the chips fall where they may and you're lying to me I'm gonna f***in' die.

Clarence Worley:
I've been in America all my life. I've always wanted to see what TV in other countries looks like.

Alabama Whitman:
Please shut up! I'm trying to come clean, okay? I've been a call-girl for exactly four days and you're my third customer. I want you to know that I'm not damaged goods. I'm not what they call Florida white trash. I'm a good person and when it comes to relationships, I'm one-hundred percent, I'm one hundred percent... monogamous.

Alabama Whitman:
I had to come all the way from the highways and byways of Tallahassee, Florida to Motor City, Detroit to find my true love. If you gave me a million years to ponder, I would never have guessed that true romance and Detroit would ever go together. And to this day, the events that followed all seem like a distant dream. But the dream was real and was to change our lives forever. I kept asking Clarence why our world seemed to be collapsing and everything seemed so shitty. And he'd say, 'That's the way it goes, but don't forget, it goes the other way too.' That's the way romance is. Usually, that's the way it goes. But every once in awhile, it goes the other way too.