Under the Tuscan Sun

Marcello:
I am going to make love all over your body!

Patti:
Can you star 69 Italy?

Frances:
Ladybugs, Katherine. Lots and lots of ladybugs.

Katherine:
It's a nice little villa. Are you going to buy it?

Frances:
The way my life is currently going, that would be a terrible idea.

Katherine:
Terrible idea... Don't you just love those?

Frances:
You're right - I got everything I asked for.

Frances:
I'll hire the muscular descendants of Roman gods to do the heavy lifting.

Pawel:
I throw the flag.

Patti:
Think of your inner voice.

Frances:
Inner voice..."What the f*** am I doing on a gay tour of Tuscany?"

German Woman:
You greedy Americans. You think you're so entitled. You ruin everything.

Frances:
A lot of us feel really badly about that.

Patti:
Frances bought a house in Tuscany! And you're going to live there alone?

Frances:
Well, I'm not there alone. I'm there with bugs.

Patti:
Ew.

Frances:
Every day I watch for the old man with the flowers, and I wonder, was he born here? Did he love someone here? Did he lose someone here? He doesn't seem as curious about me, but that's alright.

Frances:
Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly. You shouldn't have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn't know. The light just never went on, you know. I must have known, of course, but I was too scared to see the truth. Then fear just makes you so stupid.

Martini:
No, it's not stupid, Signora Mayes. L'amore e cieco.

Frances:
Oh, love is blind. Yeah, we have that saying too.

Martini:
Everybody has that saying because it's true everywhere.

Frances:
What is it about love that makes us so stupid?

Martini:
Signora, please stop being so sad. If you continue like this, I will be forced to make love to you, and I've never been unfaithful to my wife.

Martini:
Signora. Please stop being so sad. If you continue like this, I will be forced to make love to you. And I've never been unfaithful to my wife.

Frances:
You're the one that made the "empty-shell person standing at the crossroads" speech.

Patti:
Oh, yeah. That was me.

Patti:
I refuse to screw up your love life.

Frances:
Don't be ridiculous, Patti. You are my love life.

Frances:
What are four walls, anyway? They are what they contain. The house protects the dreamer. Unthinkably good things can happen, even late in the game. It's such a surprise.

Frances:
This is really bad, isn't it?

Patti:
Well, it's not good. Unless you want to give your butt a facial.

Frances:
That's a contradiction in terms.

Patti:
These are straight men.

Frances:
In tights.

Patti:
Waving flags.

Frances:
I'd like to make an offer on the house. This is what I can pay, minus the work on the place, and a rental car to drive off a cliff when this all turns out to have been a terrible mistake.

Katherine:
Regrets are a waste of time. They're the past crippling you in the present.

Frances:
Do traffic lights mean anythng around here?

Marcello:
Sure. Green light - avanti, avanti. Yellow light - decoration.

Frances:
What about red light?

Marcello:
Just a suggestion.

Katherine:
Never lose your childish innocence. It's the most important thing.

Martini:
Signora, between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering. It is an impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains. They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come.

Patti:
There's something strange about these trees. It's like they know.

Frances:
And they know that we know that they know.

Patti:
They're creepy. Creepy Italian trees. Of course, the baby's going to like them cause it's going to be a creepy Italian baby who goes around saying things like 'Ciao mama' and doing that weird backward hand wave thing. Life is strange.

Frances:
What if this is it? The real thing?

Placido:
What you speak of is only in fairy tales.

Frances:
No, it's not!

Placido:
And how do you know? From personal experience?

Frances:
No. I looked, and I didn't find it. But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Frances:
What are you thinking?

Martini:
What do I think?

Frances:
Tell me.

Martini:
I think you got your wish.

Frances:
My wish?

Martini:
On that day we looked for the snake, you said there wanted there to be a wedding here. And you said... you wanted there to be a family here.

Frances:
You're right... I got my wish. I got everything I asked for.