Whip It

Earl Cavender:
I like smart girls. That's why I married your mama. Well, that and I knocked her up.

Smashley Simpson, Bloody Holly, Maggie Mayhem, Rosa Sparks, Bliss Cavendar:
We're number two! We're number two!

Razor:
You guys came in second out of two teams.

Smashley Simpson, Bloody Holly, Maggie Mayhem, Rosa Sparks, Bliss Cavendar:
Whoo!

Razor:
Yeah, let's celebrate mediocrity! That's fantastic.

Pash:
[On going to Austin, TX alone] But you don't have the balls.

Bliss Cavendar:
I can grow the balls...

Bliss Cavendar:
I'm gonna puke!

Bliss Cavendar:
We deserve better villains.

Bliss Cavendar:
Screw you and your grandmother's Chevy Celebrity!

Iron Maven:
Nice jump, Evel Knievel.

Bliss Cavendar:
Thanks. Maybe I'll teach it to you some time.

Iron Maven:
[a little surprised] Really?

Bliss Cavendar:
Yeah.

Iron Maven:
[smiles] Okay.

'Hot Tub' Johnny Rocket:
Hey. Black Widows, my spidey senses are tingling. About to make a sequel in my pants

Eva Destruction:
Yeah? Spider-Man 3 1/2?

'Hot Tub' Johnny Rocket:
Yeah, it is 3 1/2 inches. Wide.

[trombone noises]

'Hot Tub' Johnny Rocket:
Air trombone, yeah.

Brooke Cavendar:
I'm supposed to buy you shoes from a... a head shop? Does that really strike you as responsible parenting?

Bliss Cavendar:
Fine, the shoes are a gateway drug.

Bliss Cavendar:
Is this what you do with all the girls? Take them here to show off your skills?

Oliver:
Yeah, and it usually works too.

Bliss Cavendar:
Oh yeah? Maybe we should do something different.

Oliver:
Wow, from here it kinda looks like you're wearing a stryper t-shirt.

Bliss Cavendar:
stryper? Yeah, 80's christian heavy metal. I mean in the name of jesus we rock.

[Bliss has knocked Corbi off a stair banister at school]

Colby:
You can't do that!

Pash:
She just di-iid!

Bliss Cavendar:
[helping Pash to the toilet] Come on, let's get this out.

Pash:
[belches low] It's cool. I swallowed it.

Bliss Cavendar:
Come on, just stick your fingers down your throat. You'll feel better.

Pash:
No! You stick your fingers down YOUR throat.

Bliss Cavendar:
...Pash... you ever thought... about your parents making love... your dad's naked body...

Pash:
...WHAT?

Bliss Cavendar:
His balls jiggling... sweaty?

Pash:
nnoo! [throws up, heaving] [whimpers] That's not fair!

[Bliss is waiting on a table occupied by Corbi, Colby and their friends]

Colby:
What's the name of that thing that if I eat it real fast, it's free?

Bliss Cavendar:
That's the Squealer. You have to eat it in three minutes or less.

Colby:
[ponders briefly] Yeah. You bring me a Squealer. And I don't mean Corbi.

[Colby laughs and grabs Corbi in a groping hug, and Corbi mock-squeals loudly]

[Bliss finds Iron Maven waiting for her at the Warehouse]

Iron Maven:
Ruthless, Ruthless, Ruthless.

Bliss Cavendar:
[hesitatingly] Maven, Maven, Maven?

Iron Maven:
Hey, guess how old I am.

Bliss Cavendar:
[guessing] 27?

Iron Maven:
[not at all touched] Oh, that's sweet. I'm 36. Guess when I started skating. I was 31. 'Cause it took me that long to find one thing that I was really good at.

[Iron Maven stands, staring intently at Bliss]

Iron Maven:
And you know what? I worked my ass off to get it.

Bliss Cavendar:
[nervously] Yeah, me too.

Iron Maven:
[smirks briefly] It's too bad you're only 17.

[Bliss stares in shock]

Iron Maven:
What do you think the league is gonna say when they find that out? Or your teammates, when they find out you've been lying? That's gonna be rough.

Bliss Cavendar:
[pleading desperately] Maven, please, look...

Iron Maven:
[cutting her off] No, you look. One day it will be your time, Ruthless, but it's not your time now. And if I was you, I wouldn't even bother lacing up those skates.

[Iron Maven walks away, and Bliss hangs her head and cries]

Bliss Cavendar:
F***.

Earl Cavender:
I can take losing the money. I cannot take losing the chance for our kid to be happy.

Corbi:
So, what are you, like, alternative now?

Bliss Cavendar:
Alternative to what?

Maggie Mayhem:
Ma'am, put down the lip gloss and step away from the mirror.